1
00:00:00,767 --> 00:00:01,967
I'm Josh Franklin.
2
00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:03,035
I used to be
an investment banker.
3
00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:04,737
And I was pretty good at it.
4
00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:06,038
- Whiz kid...
- Genius...
5
00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:07,873
- Financial Einstein.
- I had it all.
6
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,642
Sweet job,
a very tall girlfriend,
7
00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:12,911
and I was making crazy money.
8
00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:16,815
Then I made a little mistake
and sort of lost $200 million.
9
00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:17,816
- Idiot.
- Moron.
10
00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:19,051
What a dumb [bleep].
11
00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:20,986
What the heck went on?
12
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:22,755
Could you explain yourselves?
13
00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:24,323
I don't know
if this is appropriate or not,
14
00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:28,494
but don't hate the player,
hate the game.
15
00:00:28,561 --> 00:00:31,130
That is inappropriate.
I'm sorry.
16
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,998
The bank fired me
and then went bankrupt
17
00:00:33,066 --> 00:00:34,633
two hours later.
18
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,903
There was only one place left
for me to go.
19
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,667
- Hello, son.
- Dad.
20
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,936
Mom.
I'm sorry.
21
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,671
Oh, it's okay, sweetie.
22
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,473
We love you no matter what.
23
00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:16,608
Right, Carl?
24
00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:18,510
I'm not there yet.
25
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,045
Look, dad, I know I messed up.
26
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:21,880
I lost your retirement money,
27
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,615
and that's a biggie.
28
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:26,185
Dad, can I come in?
It's cold.
29
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,519
Well, you're my son.
30
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I think, legally,
I have to say yes.
31
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He's so sweet.
32
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,991
Sorry I'm here so late.
33
00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:35,727
The only bus to big lake
leaves at midnight.
34
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:37,296
Rough crowd at that hour.
35
00:01:37,363 --> 00:01:38,664
The guy sitting next to me
36
00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:40,232
had a tattoo of a puma
making out
37
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,567
with the devil.
38
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:43,702
That's a fun story.
39
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,370
Pardon me
if I'm not in the mood
40
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,072
for a fun story.
41
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:49,875
40 years of savings,
42
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:53,345
$385,000 just disappeared.
43
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:54,980
Now I've got to go back
to work in that restaurant
44
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,882
I was finally going to sell.
45
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,383
Dad, I thought
I was doing the right thing.
46
00:01:58,451 --> 00:01:59,685
I really did.
47
00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:01,086
Last year,
the ceo of my company
48
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:03,255
gave me a Maserati as a bonus.
49
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:06,325
Who gets a Maserati if they're
not doing the right thing?
50
00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:07,593
Oh, jeez, I don't know,
off the top of my head,
51
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,995
scarface.
52
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,764
Would you like
some beef stew, darling?
53
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:15,501
You know, my bosses and all
the business news channels
54
00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:18,704
said I was a genius.
You are a genius.
55
00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:21,106
It's because of this new
financial instrument I created.
56
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:23,008
I'd explain it to you,
57
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,676
but it's kind of hard
to understand.
58
00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:26,044
Try me.
59
00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:28,013
No, I mean
I didn't understand it.
60
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:31,383
I had all these dreams
for my retirement...
61
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:34,419
walking down the beach
contemplating my mortality,
62
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:37,623
sleeping in the car while your
mom shops at outlet stores,
63
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:42,895
penning mystery novels
under the name Eloise gardner.
64
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,696
Those dreams are dead, Josh.
65
00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:46,365
No. No, they're not.
Not yet.
66
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:47,933
I'm gonna get them back.
67
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,635
Hey, look,
Josh is home.
68
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:51,370
Jeremy, look how big
you're getting!
69
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:53,038
Good to see you, little guy.
70
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,373
Jeremy, what are you doing up?
71
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,475
Oh, just some extra
math homework.
72
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:57,943
He's gonna be a doctor someday.
73
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,211
He's a good son.
74
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,312
You're a good son, Jeremy.
75
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:01,813
Thanks, pop.
76
00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:03,815
All right,
nighty-night.
77
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:06,652
- Nighty-night.
He's a good son.
78
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:07,920
You know, I feel
like, when you keep saying
79
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,121
that he's a good son,
80
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,822
the implication is kind of
81
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:12,658
that I'm not a good son.
82
00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:14,993
Jeremy's a good son.
83
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:16,962
Here's a chicken casserole.
84
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,964
When did you have time
to make all of this?
85
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,301
My diet pills give me
a little extra oomph.
86
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:24,570
I want you both to know
87
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:27,839
I'm here to make a solemn vow
to you, my family.
88
00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:29,174
And what would that be?
89
00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:31,243
I vow to stay in this house
90
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:32,678
and sleep on this couch
91
00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:35,247
until I pay back every penny
92
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:37,349
of the $385,000 I owe.
93
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,184
I mean it.
He's moving in?
94
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:40,819
I'm gonna kill him, Linda.
95
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,654
I really am.
I won't even try to get away.
96
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:43,855
I'll go outside,
sit on the curb,
97
00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:45,157
and wait
for the police to come.
98
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,259
That's so sweet.
99
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,795
How is that in any way sweet?
100
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:51,096
I just threatened our son.
101
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,265
I keep hoping
if I say nice things,
102
00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:54,967
then things
will somehow get nice.
103
00:03:55,034 --> 00:03:56,301
You know, I know
104
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:57,869
it's not
under ideal circumstances,
105
00:03:57,937 --> 00:04:00,138
but it's good to be home.
106
00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:02,074
You.
107
00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:12,684
What have we here?
108
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:16,121
Big brother thinks
he can just move back home.
109
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,956
No, no, don't fight it.
110
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:21,193
- What happened to your lisp?
- Shut up.
111
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,494
Now you listen.
112
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:24,196
I've got
a nice little setup here.
113
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,698
I'm out every night from
midnight to 5:00 making bank.
114
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,133
When you see me coming,
115
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,002
you put your face
in your little pillow,
116
00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:32,738
and you keep your mouth shut.
117
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:34,539
How do you make money
in the middle of the night?
118
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,075
I'm a facilitator.
I get things for people.
119
00:04:37,143 --> 00:04:38,543
Organize raves.
120
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:41,346
Sell some drugs
to keep it interesting.
121
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:43,548
What about school?
122
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,717
I haven't been to school
since sixth grade, numbnuts.
123
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,552
- Mom and dad are gonna...
- No, you can tell mom and dad.
124
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It's fine.
Go ahead.
125
00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:51,256
They'll think you're loco.
126
00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:53,258
Dad thinks
you're gonna be a doctor.
127
00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:54,693
I can't afford the pay cut.
128
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,428
Did you see
that brand-new mustang gt
129
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,563
parked two blocks down?
130
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That's mine.
I own that.
131
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I street-race that bitch.
132
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Are you evil?
133
00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:07,706
You tell me, vagina face.
134
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,875
Now this time is a warning.
135
00:05:09,942 --> 00:05:13,912
Next time,
I light your junk on fire.
136
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:18,083
See you at breakfast.
137
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:25,290
Hey, mom, I've got a concern
about Jeremy.
138
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,358
See you later, guys.
139
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:27,726
I might be home late tonight.
140
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,227
I'm trying out
for the music man.
141
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:30,228
Oh, wonderful.
142
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:32,097
Hey, big bro.
143
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:36,935
Maybe tonight we can make
a pillow fort like old times.
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00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,103
Bye.
145
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,604
Break a leg, sweetie.
146
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,474
Thanks, mom.
147
00:05:47,613 --> 00:05:48,814
Hello, Ms. Franklin.
148
00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:50,482
I heard Josh was back in town.
149
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,884
- Hey, Glenn.
- Hey, Joshy!
150
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:53,952
Hey.
151
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:02,661
So sweet.
152
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:04,429
So good to see you, man.
153
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:05,997
Yeah, man, I haven't seen you
in years.
154
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:07,833
- How are you?
- What's been going on, bro?
155
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,735
Things have been
pretty awesome since you left.
156
00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:12,504
Yeah, man.
I went to jail.
157
00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:14,139
Halo 2 came out.
158
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,440
Someone spray-painted "suck it"
159
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:16,608
over the route 10 overpass.
160
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:17,843
This guy.
Awesome.
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00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,511
Awesome.
162
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:21,580
The pet shop got snakes.
163
00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:23,949
Halo 3 came out.
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That's everything.
165
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:28,954
- So you went to jail?
- Yeah, totally.
166
00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:30,956
Waseca minimum security.
167
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:33,125
Hey, bro, I'm so hungry.
168
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:35,026
Your mom still keep the fridge
in the kitchen?
169
00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:37,462
So, wait, why'd you go to jail?
170
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:40,332
Oh, man, it was stupid.
171
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:44,770
I went to the pet store,
and I shoplifted a king snake.
172
00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:46,171
I had the thing under my shirt,
and it started biting me.
173
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,707
I freaked out, punched a dude,
174
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,509
and then I crashed
through the pet shop window.
175
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:51,977
About a month later,
176
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,613
I'm walking down maple,
177
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,114
and I get pinched by the cops
178
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,283
for carrying
a bag of "shake."
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00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,718
So that whole thing
about the snake
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00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:01,153
was just a non sequitur.
181
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:02,220
It had nothing
to do with it, huh?
182
00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:06,324
Life doesn't make any sense!
183
00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:09,995
Hey, what's prison like?
184
00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:11,696
I ain't gonna lie to you, man.
185
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,198
It made me hard.
186
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,067
Yeah.
I wasn't in a gang,
187
00:07:16,135 --> 00:07:17,803
so I had to fend for myself.
188
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,738
Wait, you said
it was minimum security.
189
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:21,006
There were gangs?
190
00:07:21,073 --> 00:07:22,374
Hells yeah, dude.
191
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,509
They'd roll 20, 30 deep.
192
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:26,378
And you knew
who was all in a gang too
193
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,847
because they'd be reading
the same novel.
194
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:32,083
Later, they'd get together
and talk about it
195
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:34,252
at their gang meeting.
196
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,521
I think those were book clubs.
197
00:07:36,589 --> 00:07:39,858
I had to get this
so I wouldn't get shanked.
198
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,894
That's the book, not the movie.
199
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,931
So heard you lost
all your dad's money.
200
00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:47,098
That sucks.
201
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:48,867
Yeah, it's been real bad.
202
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,403
My dad is furious with me.
203
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,405
- Yeah, well, he told everybody.
- What?
204
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,739
That's awful.
205
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,107
I'm sorry.
206
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:57,542
I made it sound worse
than it was.
207
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:58,910
What he actually did
was take his car,
208
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,378
drive to the center of town,
209
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:01,513
he jumped on the roof
of the car,
210
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:02,681
and he started screaming,
211
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:05,050
"my son Josh is dead to me!
212
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:07,452
He lost all my money!"
213
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,054
And then he lost his voice.
214
00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:11,256
That's all.
215
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,124
That's way worse
216
00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:14,759
than the first way you said it.
217
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,962
Are you gonna criticize
every word I say?
218
00:08:17,029 --> 00:08:18,396
I'm sorry, man,
219
00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:19,531
but I'm gonna pay him back
220
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:20,699
everything I owe him.
221
00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:23,702
All $385,000.
222
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:27,138
Mom, are you good enough
to drive us to the bank?
223
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,373
Yeah, we've got
about a half an hour
224
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,809
until the fog rolls in.
225
00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:33,078
Your mom's still
on the diet pills?
226
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:34,312
Yeah, they make her crazy,
227
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,381
but she can run
a four-seven 40.
228
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:44,223
Wow. That guy at the bank did
not want to loan you $385,000.
229
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,624
I know.
What a jerk.
230
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,193
I wish I'd dragged down
his bank.
231
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,862
You can't drag down every bank.
232
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,730
I could drag down his bank
in, like, three hours.
233
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:54,800
Anyway, you know what,
man, it's my fault.
234
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,435
Taking my shoes off
in that guy's office
235
00:08:56,502 --> 00:08:58,437
was completely unprofessional.
236
00:08:58,504 --> 00:09:00,772
There's got to be another way
to pay off my dad.
237
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,307
Hey, weren't you,
like, wicked rich?
238
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,443
You must have something left
we could sell.
239
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:07,613
What about that fancy baseball
you gave Jeremy?
240
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,381
Oh, my God, mom.
241
00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:11,250
You're beautiful.
242
00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:14,052
You are gorgeous.
You have big tits.
243
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,387
That's not where we're going
with this, Glenn.
244
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,889
Sorry, man.
245
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:18,457
For Jeremy's birthday,
246
00:09:18,524 --> 00:09:19,491
I bought him Barry Bonds'
record-breaking
247
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,626
home run ball.
248
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:22,895
That thing cost $700,000.
249
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:25,163
We'll put it on eBay.
We'll sell it.
250
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,565
Actually, it's probably worth
a lot less now,
251
00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:27,966
you know,
with the whole steroid scandal.
252
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,568
Yeah,
and the perjury indictment.
253
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:30,802
And the decline of baseball
254
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,738
as our national pastime.
255
00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:34,773
I hadn't heard
about any of this.
256
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,475
And another thing
about Barry Bonds...
257
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:39,111
he's a dick.
258
00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:42,014
But still I bet we can get
at least 50 grand.
259
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,148
That ain't bad.
260
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:44,149
Yeah, but didn't you buy that
261
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:45,751
for Jeremy for a gift?
262
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,085
He'll be fine.
263
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,153
Hmm.
264
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,459
Any bids on the Barry Bonds
baseball yet?
265
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,261
Not on eBay,
but I put it on Craigslist,
266
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,631
and I have three requests
to see a picture of my penis.
267
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:01,700
Mrs. Franklin, do you have
a camera on your cell phone?
268
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,769
Yeah.
Here you go, dear.
269
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,138
Oh, we got a bid
270
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:07,372
for $160 million
271
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,375
from a bigwang69.
272
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,544
Don't get too excited.
That might not be real.
273
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,712
No?
274
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,280
I'm getting discouraged.
275
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,182
I know Barry Bonds
isn't beloved anymore,
276
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,686
but that ball
is still historic.
277
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,187
I got it!
278
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,524
Chris Henkel,
our senior history teacher.
279
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:27,459
The coolest, smartest teacher
in our high school.
280
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,827
Yeah.
281
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:31,029
He used to let us call him
Mr. h-bomb.
282
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,332
If anyone can help us sell
an historic item
283
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:35,567
to a high-profile collector,
it's him.
284
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,568
Well, where is he now?
285
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,869
I don't know.
286
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:39,338
Probably running
a fortune 500 company
287
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:40,472
or married to a model.
288
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:41,840
Probably living in Telluride.
289
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:44,543
Yeah, he's still at the school.
290
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,378
I saw him at a liquor store
291
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,513
getting in a fight
over a lottery ticket.
292
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,716
Really?
That's great.
293
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:53,218
He's still hanging out,
shaping young minds.
294
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,987
Hey, are you sure Jeremy's okay
295
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,188
with us selling this ball?
296
00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:57,622
He'll be fine.
297
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,029
Mr. Henkel?
298
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,330
What?
299
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,265
It's me, Josh Franklin.
300
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,234
From your American history class
ten years ago.
301
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,169
I was your favorite student.
302
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,905
No.
303
00:11:13,973 --> 00:11:16,441
Really? 'Cause we used
to stay late after class
304
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,110
and debate the civil war.
305
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,879
You once told me,
"if stonewall Jackson
306
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,214
"had been as stubborn as you,
307
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:25,117
the south would have won."
308
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,185
Wait, were you the kid
with the hunchback?
309
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,587
No.
310
00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:29,755
Did I date your mom?
311
00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:31,890
I don't think so.
312
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,693
Mr. Henkel, you were
the best teacher I ever had.
313
00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:36,128
I remember, you used to jump up
on your desk
314
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,196
and say,
"learning isn't everything.
315
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:40,565
It's the only thing."
316
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,134
- So this is in 2000?
- Yeah.
317
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,036
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
318
00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:46,438
I burned out on teaching
in 2001.
319
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,741
That's when I realized high
school kids are all a-holes.
320
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:52,077
And then the desk jumping gave
me this chronic back problem,
321
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,413
so I was taking
a lot of Vicodin.
322
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,214
Is your back better now?
323
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:57,282
Well, if I stopped taking
Vicodin for a few hours,
324
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,217
I could probably tell you.
325
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,952
Well, you inspired me,
Mr. Henkel.
326
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:03,588
You made me the man I am today.
Really?
327
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,757
Well, how are you doing
these days?
328
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,759
What did I make you into?
329
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,761
He was fired from a bank,
and he lives with his parents.
330
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:12,164
Not bad.
331
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,399
Mr. Henkel, we're trying
to sell a rare baseball
332
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,834
to pay my dad back.
333
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,936
I need you to help me
help my dad.
334
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,906
I'd like to help,
but I was kind of planning
335
00:12:20,973 --> 00:12:22,340
to move to Detroit.
336
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,342
You know,
the auto industry is dying,
337
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,444
poverty's sky-high,
338
00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:27,345
the schools are failing,
339
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,481
they probably won't expect me
to work that hard.
340
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,484
I could really slip
through the cracks there.
341
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,453
- I need you here.
- I don't know.
342
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,022
Detroit's really in decline.
343
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,924
And I could show movies
every class.
344
00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:40,692
Maybe open some titty bars.
345
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,194
At least you'd be starting
a business.
346
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:43,195
No, I mean I want to get there
347
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,097
when they open.
348
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:47,199
'Cause the early-shift girls
are more approachable.
349
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,633
- Really? I thought
it was the late-shift girls
350
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,302
because they're more desperate.
351
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:51,803
Well, that's a whole other
school of thought.
352
00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,205
Now, don't get me wrong,
I like desperate,
353
00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:54,539
but if you really want
to see desperate,
354
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,941
come watch a bunch
of 40-year-olds...
355
00:12:56,008 --> 00:12:57,709
Mr. Henkel!
356
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,945
Look, I'm a man on a mission,
357
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:01,480
and with your help,
there's no telling
358
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:03,381
what we can accomplish
in big lake.
359
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,950
I'm sorry, guys.
360
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:06,351
My future lies in Detroit.
361
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,286
Hey, you ought to consider
coming with me.
362
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,889
I work the main stage,
you guys loiter around the atm,
363
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,524
we could do a lot of damage.
364
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:15,026
- I'm in!
- No, you're not.
365
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:17,229
If you change your mind,
we'll be at cheddar creek.
366
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:20,132
I know
you'll make the right decision.
367
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:21,800
Come on, Glenn.
368
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:23,235
Hey, it's an interesting point
you made
369
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,636
about the early-shift girls.
370
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:25,637
Also, in the morning,
371
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,372
there's no cover charge.
372
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,540
And on a teacher's salary,
that's not nothing.
373
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,842
Glenn.
374
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:32,144
To be continued.
375
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,565
Okay. I'll get the ball
from Jeremy's room,
376
00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:38,766
you keep a look out.
377
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,301
But be careful.
378
00:13:40,369 --> 00:13:41,969
He's not the cute little kid
we remember.
379
00:13:42,037 --> 00:13:44,105
Oh, don't worry.
Glenn's been in the joint.
380
00:13:44,173 --> 00:13:45,506
He ain't afraid of nobody.
381
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:48,943
All right.
382
00:13:51,046 --> 00:13:52,747
Josh is up in your room,
and I told him not to go.
383
00:13:52,815 --> 00:13:54,415
I swear,
he wouldn't listen to me.
384
00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:55,783
He wouldn't listen to me.
Glenn.
385
00:13:55,851 --> 00:13:57,318
I don't even like Josh, man.
386
00:13:57,386 --> 00:13:58,986
I'm on your side.
387
00:13:59,054 --> 00:14:00,822
You need to stay
out of my room, bitch.
388
00:14:00,889 --> 00:14:01,923
I didn't put in hardwood floors
up there
389
00:14:01,990 --> 00:14:03,257
so you could scuff 'em up
390
00:14:03,325 --> 00:14:04,292
with your high heels.
391
00:14:04,359 --> 00:14:06,160
You are 13 years old.
392
00:14:06,228 --> 00:14:07,662
Why are you like this?
393
00:14:07,729 --> 00:14:10,098
That's my ball.
394
00:14:10,165 --> 00:14:12,266
I'm gonna sell it
to pay back dad.
395
00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:15,837
Whose signature is that?
Marilyn manson?
396
00:14:15,904 --> 00:14:17,271
Yeah, and the dude got fat,
397
00:14:17,339 --> 00:14:19,340
but he still pulls
a lot of quality tail.
398
00:14:19,408 --> 00:14:21,809
Listen,
if you guys want the ball,
399
00:14:21,877 --> 00:14:23,277
you can have it.
400
00:14:23,345 --> 00:14:26,380
You just have
to take this pill.
401
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:27,515
What is it?
402
00:14:27,583 --> 00:14:29,183
You'll find out.
403
00:14:29,251 --> 00:14:31,219
Glenn, take it.
404
00:14:31,286 --> 00:14:32,620
What?
405
00:14:32,688 --> 00:14:34,122
I don't even know what it is.
406
00:14:34,189 --> 00:14:35,523
That's the deal.
407
00:14:35,591 --> 00:14:38,860
Glenn, you have
to take that pill.
408
00:14:38,927 --> 00:14:41,329
Fine.
409
00:14:41,396 --> 00:14:43,731
Drink a lot of water,
my friend.
410
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,169
- Mom?
- Yes, honey.
411
00:14:48,237 --> 00:14:50,338
Can you drive us
back to cheddar creek?
412
00:14:50,405 --> 00:14:52,340
Sure. I have to go
to the hair salon first,
413
00:14:52,407 --> 00:14:55,042
but you can tag along.
414
00:14:57,579 --> 00:15:00,381
Mom, go sit over there
by yourself.
415
00:15:00,449 --> 00:15:01,382
Glenn and I need to talk.
416
00:15:01,450 --> 00:15:04,152
Oh, sure, honey.
417
00:15:04,219 --> 00:15:06,821
Sorry I sold you out
to Jeremy, man.
418
00:15:06,889 --> 00:15:08,723
I was so scared.
419
00:15:08,790 --> 00:15:11,592
It's okay.
How's that pill going?
420
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:14,428
It's wild, man. Cleared out
my sinuses real good.
421
00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:17,265
I don't feel drowsy at all.
422
00:15:17,332 --> 00:15:19,200
Mr. Henkel?
423
00:15:19,268 --> 00:15:21,102
Look, I was at the station,
424
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,937
waiting to get a on a bus
to Detroit,
425
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:27,208
and I saw a child with his mom
426
00:15:27,276 --> 00:15:31,746
just needing someone
to give him guidance.
427
00:15:31,813 --> 00:15:35,683
And then I realized I didn't
have enough for the bus.
428
00:15:35,751 --> 00:15:37,718
So I thought, screw it,
you used to be rich.
429
00:15:37,786 --> 00:15:39,754
Maybe you'll get rich again.
430
00:15:39,821 --> 00:15:43,791
And now that I see
how awesome your hair looks,
431
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,259
I know I made
the right decision.
432
00:15:45,327 --> 00:15:47,128
- You sure did.
- How do you get it
433
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,230
to do that?
It's magnificent.
434
00:15:49,298 --> 00:15:51,199
Oh, we'll show you.
It's not even that much product.
435
00:15:51,266 --> 00:15:52,733
Really? 'Cause I would
have guessed a lot.
436
00:15:52,801 --> 00:15:54,202
Nah, you take a little bit,
437
00:15:54,269 --> 00:15:55,570
rub it in your fingers,
work it in real good,
438
00:15:55,637 --> 00:15:56,938
and then you take a vent brush
439
00:15:57,005 --> 00:15:58,139
and just go...
440
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,407
Like a little bird.
441
00:15:59,474 --> 00:16:01,275
Then you take a blow dryer,
442
00:16:01,343 --> 00:16:03,110
just work it in sections.
443
00:16:03,178 --> 00:16:05,046
Take your time.
There's no hurry.
444
00:16:05,113 --> 00:16:06,480
I'm worried about split ends.
445
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:07,949
Don't be, and here's why.
446
00:16:08,016 --> 00:16:09,050
Okay, guys,
447
00:16:09,117 --> 00:16:10,618
here's the status update.
448
00:16:10,686 --> 00:16:12,086
Tried to sell the ball
on the Internet,
449
00:16:12,154 --> 00:16:13,387
but no go.
450
00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:14,922
I got a lot of nice comments
451
00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:16,991
on my penis,
but thems don't pay the bills.
452
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:19,260
They can if you've got an
international mailing address.
453
00:16:19,328 --> 00:16:20,828
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
454
00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,296
Now that the ball's
also been signed
455
00:16:22,364 --> 00:16:24,098
by Marilyn manson,
we think it's worth
456
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:25,733
about $10,000.
457
00:16:25,801 --> 00:16:27,935
You know, the Mayor
is always looking for ways
458
00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:29,804
to boost tourism
since the lake dried up.
459
00:16:29,871 --> 00:16:32,006
He might buy it for the town.
460
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,574
That right there...
that's why you go
461
00:16:33,642 --> 00:16:35,276
and get a Mr. Henkel.
Great idea!
462
00:16:35,344 --> 00:16:36,978
Let's get the Mayor
on the phone.
463
00:16:37,045 --> 00:16:38,179
He's sitting over there.
464
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,647
That's how I thought of it.
465
00:16:39,715 --> 00:16:42,250
Guys, I'm starting
to trip balls.
466
00:16:42,317 --> 00:16:43,417
Okay.
Keep cool.
467
00:16:43,485 --> 00:16:45,586
Keep cool.
Let's go.
468
00:16:45,654 --> 00:16:48,789
Guys, did you know
every time you fart,
469
00:16:48,857 --> 00:16:52,193
the mysteries of the universe
are revealed?
470
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:55,997
But no one listens because
they're too busy laughing.
471
00:16:56,064 --> 00:16:58,866
Isn't that sad?
472
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:02,937
Jeremy said
drink lots of water.
473
00:17:03,005 --> 00:17:07,008
Mr. Mayor,
I'm Josh Franklin.
474
00:17:07,075 --> 00:17:08,175
I believe you know
Chris Henkel.
475
00:17:08,243 --> 00:17:10,044
Let me get right to business.
476
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,446
How would you like to own
a piece of americana?
477
00:17:12,514 --> 00:17:13,714
Who wouldn't?
478
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:14,982
I'm offering you
the opportunity
479
00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:16,484
to buy Barry Bonds'
480
00:17:16,551 --> 00:17:17,952
record-breaking
home run ball.
481
00:17:18,020 --> 00:17:21,222
Number 756.
Autographed.
482
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,456
I can see
that you're interested.
483
00:17:22,524 --> 00:17:23,724
What if I was to tell you
484
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,059
that the ball
is also autographed
485
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,395
by Marilyn manson?
486
00:17:27,462 --> 00:17:28,696
Well, from your enthusiasm,
487
00:17:28,764 --> 00:17:29,797
I'd say it's a bonus.
488
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:31,198
It is a bonus,
Mr. Mayor.
489
00:17:31,266 --> 00:17:32,466
You put a ball like that
490
00:17:32,534 --> 00:17:34,068
in a glass case at city hall,
491
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,736
baseball and goth fans
492
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,538
are gonna come
from miles around.
493
00:17:37,606 --> 00:17:39,173
Next thing you know,
big lake's the place to be.
494
00:17:39,241 --> 00:17:40,841
We wind up
with a triple-a ball club
495
00:17:40,909 --> 00:17:43,044
and several
top-notch piercing salons.
496
00:17:43,111 --> 00:17:45,813
It'd be like
a goth field of dreams.
497
00:17:45,881 --> 00:17:49,150
Wow, that is the best
baseball pitch I've ever heard.
498
00:17:49,217 --> 00:17:50,818
No pun intended.
499
00:17:50,886 --> 00:17:52,753
You know what, damn it,
yeah, pun intended.
500
00:17:57,259 --> 00:17:58,659
It may make a good centerpiece
501
00:17:58,727 --> 00:18:01,028
for our new recreational
complex.
502
00:18:01,096 --> 00:18:02,229
How much are you asking?
503
00:18:02,297 --> 00:18:05,232
A very reasonable $10,000.
504
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:09,103
Gosh, I hope he buys it.
505
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:12,073
There's one way
you can help, Glenn.
506
00:18:12,140 --> 00:18:14,942
You can eat that ball.
507
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:16,877
That doesn't make sense,
John the baptist.
508
00:18:16,945 --> 00:18:19,580
I mean, not at all.
509
00:18:19,648 --> 00:18:22,750
But if spaceman
and blurry lady are on board,
510
00:18:22,818 --> 00:18:25,019
let's do this.
511
00:18:27,489 --> 00:18:29,190
You boys have got yourself
a deal.
512
00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:32,626
I like baseball,
my daughter's a goth,
513
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,729
maybe it'll help us spend
more time together.
514
00:18:34,796 --> 00:18:37,932
Oh, that's not the ball, is it?
515
00:18:37,999 --> 00:18:40,368
Glenn!
516
00:18:40,435 --> 00:18:44,171
No!
517
00:18:45,974 --> 00:18:49,977
Well, there goes your
relationship with your daughter.
518
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,445
Yeah.
519
00:18:54,408 --> 00:18:56,943
Linda, where have you been?
520
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:58,211
And who are you?
521
00:18:58,278 --> 00:18:59,312
I'm Chris Henkel.
522
00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:00,813
I made Josh what he is today.
523
00:19:00,881 --> 00:19:02,381
Well, that grenade's too big
524
00:19:02,449 --> 00:19:04,217
for one man to fall on.
525
00:19:04,284 --> 00:19:07,386
Dad, I'm sorry,
but we didn't make any headway
526
00:19:07,454 --> 00:19:08,621
on getting your money back.
527
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:10,122
There's a shocker.
528
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:11,724
It's my fault, man.
529
00:19:11,792 --> 00:19:13,693
I don't know how to handle
my rave drugs.
530
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,528
Hey, you can't ignore a request
531
00:19:15,596 --> 00:19:17,230
from John the baptist, right?
532
00:19:17,297 --> 00:19:18,798
How do you know who I saw?
533
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,900
Let's focus up, everyone.
Focus up.
534
00:19:20,968 --> 00:19:23,836
Okay, guys,
I'm willing to admit
535
00:19:23,904 --> 00:19:25,671
that today was a big setback.
536
00:19:25,739 --> 00:19:28,741
But when I see some of
the salon blowouts in this room,
537
00:19:28,809 --> 00:19:31,210
I know that we can bounce back
as a team.
538
00:19:31,278 --> 00:19:33,646
When a raccoon gets knocked over
on its back,
539
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,314
what happens?
540
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:36,315
It can't figure out
how to get back to its feet,
541
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:37,516
and eventually it dies.
542
00:19:37,584 --> 00:19:39,585
But when three raccoons
543
00:19:39,653 --> 00:19:41,020
get knocked onto their backs,
544
00:19:41,088 --> 00:19:43,656
they huddle up,
they make a plan,
545
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:48,394
and they flip each other over
with their long, striped tails.
546
00:19:48,462 --> 00:19:49,896
You made him like this?
547
00:19:49,963 --> 00:19:51,564
Yes, I did, sir.
548
00:19:51,632 --> 00:19:53,099
Yes, I did.
549
00:19:53,166 --> 00:19:54,767
- Mom?
- Yes, dear.
550
00:19:54,835 --> 00:19:56,869
Can you drive Glenn
and Mr. Henkel home?
551
00:19:56,937 --> 00:19:58,905
These guys are warriors,
and, tonight,
552
00:19:58,972 --> 00:20:01,173
they do not walk.
553
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:03,843
Gentlemen.
554
00:20:08,515 --> 00:20:10,182
Here.
555
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,718
What is this?
556
00:20:12,786 --> 00:20:14,687
It's the baseball
Barry Bonds hit
557
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:17,456
for his record-breaking
756th home run.
558
00:20:17,524 --> 00:20:18,925
- Great.
- It reminds me
559
00:20:18,992 --> 00:20:20,192
of when I was a kid.
560
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:21,460
And we used to sit
on this couch,
561
00:20:21,528 --> 00:20:23,062
watching the pirates play.
562
00:20:23,130 --> 00:20:24,864
And every time Barry would get
to the plate,
563
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:27,400
you'd say,
"if he hits a homerun right now,
564
00:20:27,467 --> 00:20:29,402
I'll buy you
an ice cream."
565
00:20:29,469 --> 00:20:31,704
No matter what happened,
I'd always end up
566
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,339
buying you that ice cream.
567
00:20:36,143 --> 00:20:38,044
Did we just have a moment?
568
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:39,545
No.
569
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:40,780
I don't think I'm the only one
570
00:20:40,847 --> 00:20:42,748
who teared up.
No, we didn't.
571
00:20:42,816 --> 00:20:44,383
I'll show you my eyes
if you show me yours.
572
00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:46,953
Get a job.
573
00:20:51,291 --> 00:21:01,360
Corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com