1 00:00:01,287 --> 00:00:03,721 (VACUUM CLEANER BUZZES) 2 00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:09,798 You've missed a bit! 3 00:00:09,847 --> 00:00:11,644 My sincere apologies, Your Highness(!) 4 00:00:11,687 --> 00:00:14,360 Can I fluff a couple of pillows for you? 5 00:00:14,407 --> 00:00:15,999 That would be lovely. 6 00:00:18,807 --> 00:00:19,956 Thank you! 7 00:00:21,207 --> 00:00:22,925 You said you'd help me with the cleaning. 8 00:00:22,967 --> 00:00:25,720 Doesn't sound like something I would say. 9 00:00:25,767 --> 00:00:29,680 I know. It's right up there with, ''No, please, I insist on paying for dinner.'' 10 00:00:30,967 --> 00:00:32,923 - Hi! - Oh, hello! 11 00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:35,276 Did you have fun with Mum and Dad at the zoo today? 12 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,124 I saw a pigeon. 13 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:40,682 A pigeon! Well, that's worth the price of admission. 14 00:00:41,727 --> 00:00:43,604 Mummy, please can I go and get a drink? 15 00:00:43,647 --> 00:00:45,285 Of course you can. 16 00:00:45,327 --> 00:00:47,557 Thanks for taking me to the zoo, Dad. 17 00:00:47,607 --> 00:00:50,804 - Any time, kiddo. - Ah-ha, Mark! 18 00:00:50,847 --> 00:00:52,166 - It's good to see you again, Ben. - Yes! 19 00:00:52,207 --> 00:00:54,721 Give him time. He doesn't know you like we do. 20 00:00:54,767 --> 00:00:56,644 Well, we're seeing a lot more of you of late. 21 00:00:56,687 --> 00:00:58,803 Well, got a lot of time to make up with Kenzo. 22 00:00:58,847 --> 00:01:01,315 Not all of us could be amazing parents like you straight off, Ben. 23 00:01:01,367 --> 00:01:03,119 He really doesn't know you like we do. 24 00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:05,920 No, really, you make being a good dad look easy. 25 00:01:05,967 --> 00:01:07,719 Oh, well, I don't like to brag. 26 00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:09,519 You have to be good at things to brag. 27 00:01:09,567 --> 00:01:12,081 Right, um, I'm off, then. 28 00:01:12,127 --> 00:01:13,845 Er, speak to you later, Janey? 29 00:01:13,887 --> 00:01:16,082 Yeah. Today was lovely. Thanks, Mark. 30 00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:20,716 - Bye, Mark. - Yeah. 31 00:01:21,807 --> 00:01:24,480 Good man, that Mark. Glad to see he's stepping up. 32 00:01:24,527 --> 00:01:26,165 - Do you want something to eat? - No, thanks, Mum. 33 00:01:26,207 --> 00:01:27,401 Craig's taking me for dinner. 34 00:01:27,447 --> 00:01:29,517 Oh, really? I'm so glad Craig's found time 35 00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:33,242 in his busy schedule as a shiftless layabout to let you buy him dinner. 36 00:01:33,287 --> 00:01:34,686 Have you ever heard the expression, 37 00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:37,400 ''If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all''? 38 00:01:37,447 --> 00:01:39,403 No. 39 00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:42,041 How about, ''If you don't stop talking, I'll smother you in your sleep''? 40 00:01:42,087 --> 00:01:43,520 Yeah, that rings a bell. 41 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:03,085 - All right, Benno? How are you, mate? - Gainfully employed. You? 42 00:02:03,127 --> 00:02:04,799 Yeah, well played. 43 00:02:04,847 --> 00:02:06,803 That's as funny as the first 25 times you've said it. 44 00:02:06,847 --> 00:02:07,836 (CHUCKLES) 45 00:02:07,887 --> 00:02:11,562 - Hi! - Oh, wow, you look amazing! 46 00:02:11,607 --> 00:02:13,245 BOTH: Mwah! 47 00:02:13,287 --> 00:02:15,118 Ah, and you smell amazing, too. 48 00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:17,886 Well, she's showered - it's an old English custom. 49 00:02:17,927 --> 00:02:19,155 Hang on a sec. 50 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:21,801 I had something for you here... Now, where did I put it? 51 00:02:21,847 --> 00:02:24,919 Oh, no, I must have left it somewhere. 52 00:02:24,967 --> 00:02:28,755 Oh, my gosh, you are as cute as a kitten. 53 00:02:28,807 --> 00:02:29,796 - Grrr! - (SLAP!) 54 00:02:29,847 --> 00:02:30,836 - (GIGGLES) - (GROWLS) 55 00:02:30,887 --> 00:02:32,798 (SLAP!) 56 00:02:32,847 --> 00:02:36,396 Well, I guess we'll be off, guys. Nice talking with you. 57 00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:37,960 Come by any time, Craig. 58 00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:41,886 Any time I'm not here, Craig. Nice boy. 59 00:02:41,927 --> 00:02:44,521 - I'll really miss him. - He likes her, 60 00:02:44,567 --> 00:02:46,478 she likes him - what is your problem? 61 00:02:46,527 --> 00:02:47,846 I just think she can do better. 62 00:02:47,887 --> 00:02:50,526 And I think one day she'll appreciate me for pointing it out. 63 00:02:50,567 --> 00:02:52,046 Mmm, perhaps you're right. 64 00:02:52,087 --> 00:02:55,477 God knows, I wish somebody had done the same for me! 65 00:02:57,807 --> 00:03:02,927 OK, so what can we do for you today, Mr...Best Friend?! 66 00:03:02,967 --> 00:03:04,195 ''Best Friend''? That's a bit... 67 00:03:04,247 --> 00:03:06,238 Top of the morning to you, Mr Best Friend! 68 00:03:07,807 --> 00:03:09,684 Roger, what are you doing here? 69 00:03:09,727 --> 00:03:11,638 I just came by for my annual cleaning. 70 00:03:11,687 --> 00:03:13,518 Which you had two months ago. 71 00:03:13,567 --> 00:03:15,523 My semi-annual cleaning, then. 72 00:03:15,567 --> 00:03:17,159 Roger, it is your holiday. 73 00:03:17,207 --> 00:03:20,483 Your holiday. That means you don't have to come in to the surgery, 74 00:03:20,527 --> 00:03:22,199 and I get to have a pleasant week. 75 00:03:22,247 --> 00:03:24,238 I don't want to be on my own, Ben. 76 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,482 I miss being in a relationship. 77 00:03:26,527 --> 00:03:28,404 Will I ever find love again? 78 00:03:28,447 --> 00:03:29,926 Of course you will, Roger. 79 00:03:29,967 --> 00:03:33,323 Of course you will. There are lots of desperate women out there. 80 00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:34,356 You think? 81 00:03:34,407 --> 00:03:38,480 Mmm. Somewhere out there is a hopeless loser who has completely given up. 82 00:03:38,527 --> 00:03:40,245 - But where do I find her? - Well, one thing's for sure, 83 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:43,165 Roger, it won't be in here. 84 00:03:43,207 --> 00:03:44,720 Ah, Mark! 85 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,325 - Hello. - Come in, come in! 86 00:03:46,367 --> 00:03:47,482 What can I do for you? 87 00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:49,757 Wanted to have a moment, if I could, sir? 88 00:03:49,807 --> 00:03:53,197 Sir! Entrez, entrez. Have a seat. 89 00:03:53,247 --> 00:03:54,999 Can I get you a mouthwash? 90 00:03:55,047 --> 00:03:56,924 Only joking. (CHUCKLES) 91 00:03:58,047 --> 00:04:01,596 There was something I wanted to discuss with you. 92 00:04:01,647 --> 00:04:02,875 You're a good man, Ben... 93 00:04:02,927 --> 00:04:06,158 - Ben, there are no women out here... - Out! 94 00:04:06,207 --> 00:04:08,243 ...man of integrity, old-fashioned values. 95 00:04:08,287 --> 00:04:10,198 One tries. One tries. 96 00:04:10,247 --> 00:04:12,283 And I've been trying my best of late 97 00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:15,319 to live up to the values you represent as a father. 98 00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:18,006 Well, it's a hard act to follow, Mark, hard act to follow. 99 00:04:18,047 --> 00:04:21,119 Which brings me to the purpose of my visit. 100 00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:24,842 Now, I know I've made mistakes in the past but I'm a different man now. A better man. 101 00:04:24,887 --> 00:04:27,924 And I'm interested in being more than just Kenzo's father. 102 00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:31,680 I'd also like to be...Janey's husband. 103 00:04:31,727 --> 00:04:34,287 Plot twist. 104 00:04:34,327 --> 00:04:37,956 You see, I want to ask Janey to marry me so the three of us can be a proper family. 105 00:04:38,007 --> 00:04:40,157 Why would you want me living with you?! 106 00:04:40,207 --> 00:04:42,163 Kenzo. 107 00:04:42,207 --> 00:04:43,640 Kenzo, yes, sorry! 108 00:04:43,687 --> 00:04:45,359 (CHUCKLES) 109 00:04:45,407 --> 00:04:50,356 So, from a father who can only hope to measure up to your standards, 110 00:04:50,407 --> 00:04:54,685 I'd like your permission to ask for Janey's hand in marriage...sir. 111 00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,558 Well, you have it, sir. 112 00:04:56,607 --> 00:04:59,075 You have it indeed. 113 00:04:59,127 --> 00:05:00,355 Thank you! 114 00:05:00,407 --> 00:05:03,922 And I promise to repay your largesse by making your daughter 115 00:05:03,967 --> 00:05:05,446 as happy as you make Susan. 116 00:05:05,487 --> 00:05:08,524 Ooh...aim a little higher, OK? 117 00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:09,556 A l-little higher. 118 00:05:11,847 --> 00:05:13,405 Craig! 119 00:05:14,967 --> 00:05:17,356 I'm afraid you've just missed Janey. 120 00:05:17,407 --> 00:05:21,002 - Actually, I came round to talk with you. - Coffee? 121 00:05:21,047 --> 00:05:22,446 Er, sure. 122 00:05:24,247 --> 00:05:27,284 Yeah, there's something I wanted to discuss with you. 123 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,285 - You're a good woman, Susan. - Yes, I know. 124 00:05:30,327 --> 00:05:31,840 And beautiful. 125 00:05:31,887 --> 00:05:33,240 If you insist. 126 00:05:33,287 --> 00:05:34,720 You know, they say... 127 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:38,077 - Milk? - Er, sure. Yeah, they say... 128 00:05:38,127 --> 00:05:39,355 Sugar? 129 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:40,760 Er, yeah, yeah. 130 00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:44,277 They say that if you want to know what a woman will look like when she's older, 131 00:05:44,327 --> 00:05:48,115 just take a look at her mother and, er, standing here with you now, 132 00:05:48,167 --> 00:05:50,681 I just know that Janey's only going to get more and more divine. 133 00:05:50,727 --> 00:05:52,843 They do say that, don't they? 134 00:05:52,887 --> 00:05:54,400 Sit. 135 00:05:57,527 --> 00:06:00,439 Um, the thing of it is, 136 00:06:00,487 --> 00:06:05,436 I love Janey, and I know I don't have much to offer her in the way of fancy things - 137 00:06:05,487 --> 00:06:07,842 you know, cars and jewellery - 138 00:06:07,887 --> 00:06:12,642 but I want to grow old with her and I want to get your blessing 139 00:06:12,687 --> 00:06:14,917 to ask Janey to marry me. 140 00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:18,804 Isn't it traditional to ask the father for his blessing? 141 00:06:18,847 --> 00:06:21,725 Ah, traditions were made to be broken... 142 00:06:21,767 --> 00:06:24,122 especially when Benno is the father. 143 00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:25,805 You have my blessing. 144 00:06:25,847 --> 00:06:28,042 - Ask away. - Ah, thank you! 145 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:30,237 Thank you, Susan. I'm going to make Janey so happy. 146 00:06:30,287 --> 00:06:32,801 And my husband so mad. 147 00:06:32,847 --> 00:06:35,680 It's a win-win for all of us. 148 00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:37,922 - Biscuit? - Oh, sure. 149 00:06:39,247 --> 00:06:41,715 Hang on. You're not going to hit 35 150 00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:45,476 and metamorphose into some misanthropic misogynist, are you? 151 00:06:45,527 --> 00:06:48,041 I don't know any of those words. 152 00:06:49,127 --> 00:06:50,685 Welcome to the family, son. 153 00:06:56,127 --> 00:06:58,880 ♪ I've got big news. ♪ 154 00:06:58,927 --> 00:07:00,360 Not as big as my news. 155 00:07:00,407 --> 00:07:02,796 - I don't think so. - Oh, but I do. 156 00:07:02,847 --> 00:07:06,203 I bet your news is crap news compared to my news. 157 00:07:06,247 --> 00:07:08,761 My news will slice up your news like a salami. 158 00:07:08,807 --> 00:07:11,844 OK, well, I had a little visit today 159 00:07:11,887 --> 00:07:14,606 from a certain gentleman caller of Janey's. 160 00:07:14,647 --> 00:07:16,126 - You did? - I did. 161 00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:17,725 And did he ask you for something? 162 00:07:17,767 --> 00:07:20,122 - He did indeed. - And? 163 00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:21,885 I gave him my blessing. 164 00:07:21,927 --> 00:07:24,395 - You did?! - I did. 165 00:07:24,447 --> 00:07:26,039 Oh, Ben. I am so proud of you. 166 00:07:26,087 --> 00:07:28,123 I invoke pride in others, 'tis true. 167 00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:30,317 What's your news? 168 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,484 He came round to the house and asked me for my blessing, too. 169 00:07:33,527 --> 00:07:35,802 - He did? - Mmm, he did. 170 00:07:35,847 --> 00:07:36,882 - Are you upset? - No. 171 00:07:36,927 --> 00:07:39,395 No, no, no. I mean, it's traditional 172 00:07:39,447 --> 00:07:43,520 that the father's blessing carries more weight but, er... 173 00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:47,606 I thought my blessing would have been blessing enough, but... 174 00:07:47,647 --> 00:07:49,365 For a sneeze, maybe(!) 175 00:07:49,407 --> 00:07:51,398 Anyway, let's not argue. This is good news. 176 00:07:51,447 --> 00:07:53,677 - It's great news - the best. - Yes. So you're happy? 177 00:07:53,727 --> 00:07:55,877 - Very. You? - Very. 178 00:07:55,927 --> 00:07:57,679 I wonder where Janey and Craig will go on honeymoon. 179 00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:00,082 Well, I hear Morocco... Janey and Craig?! 180 00:08:00,127 --> 00:08:02,800 - Yes, why? - You mean Janey and Mark? 181 00:08:02,847 --> 00:08:04,519 Mark?! 182 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,035 Mark asked for your blessing to marry Janey? 183 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,043 Yes, and I gave it. 184 00:08:09,087 --> 00:08:10,315 But they're not even dating! 185 00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:11,846 Well, they should be. 186 00:08:12,887 --> 00:08:15,082 I can't believe you gave Craig your blessing! 187 00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:17,687 - Craig and Janey are in love. - So were we and look how that turned out. 188 00:08:17,727 --> 00:08:19,524 Don't you want Janey to be happy? 189 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:23,037 When did marriage have anything to do with happiness? 190 00:08:27,967 --> 00:08:30,037 - I guess I'm sleeping in the spare room. - Yes, you are. 191 00:08:33,927 --> 00:08:35,406 Morning. 192 00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:41,722 What are you two fighting about today? 193 00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:43,678 Nothing. 194 00:08:43,727 --> 00:08:46,321 What makes you think we're fighting? 195 00:08:46,367 --> 00:08:48,119 You're in the same room. 196 00:08:48,167 --> 00:08:50,237 It's just that your m... 197 00:08:50,287 --> 00:08:52,562 A friend of ours is having a little problem. 198 00:08:52,607 --> 00:08:54,325 Well, actually, their daughter does. 199 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,404 Yes, it seems that she's going to get two marriage proposals 200 00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:58,641 from two different guys. 201 00:08:58,687 --> 00:09:01,121 (CHUCKLES) What a slapper! 202 00:09:03,807 --> 00:09:06,526 Well, her father wasn't around much. 203 00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:11,880 Yes, and her mother is an overbearing control freak. Anyway, 204 00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:14,157 apparently, this woman has got to decide between 205 00:09:14,207 --> 00:09:16,437 the responsible, working father of her child... 206 00:09:16,487 --> 00:09:18,478 Or a cute, fun-loving Australian. 207 00:09:18,527 --> 00:09:21,564 (COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS) 208 00:09:21,607 --> 00:09:23,518 Mark and Craig want to propose to me?! 209 00:09:23,567 --> 00:09:25,398 Who told you? 210 00:09:25,447 --> 00:09:27,199 How do you two know this? 211 00:09:27,247 --> 00:09:30,125 Well, because Mark, being a proper gentleman, 212 00:09:30,167 --> 00:09:33,239 came to me and asked for my blessing in the traditional manner. 213 00:09:33,287 --> 00:09:37,166 And Craig, knowing your father to be an imbecile, asked me for my blessing. 214 00:09:37,207 --> 00:09:40,279 Wow! Well, this is kind of cool. 215 00:09:40,327 --> 00:09:43,000 Two men want me and it's not even Friday night. 216 00:09:43,047 --> 00:09:46,084 So tell me, when they do get round to asking, 217 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:49,358 who do you think you'll go with? Mark, or Craig? 218 00:09:49,407 --> 00:09:50,886 - Mark? - Or Craig? 219 00:09:50,927 --> 00:09:52,758 - Mark? - I honestly don't know. 220 00:09:52,807 --> 00:09:54,957 It depends on what they have to say, how they say it, 221 00:09:55,007 --> 00:09:56,838 and how I feel when they do. 222 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,525 I guess my heart will answer for me. 223 00:10:03,047 --> 00:10:04,924 My guy is going to win. 224 00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:09,518 My guy is going to win, OK? So in your face, Susan! 225 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:10,761 Stop it. Stop it, Ben. 226 00:10:10,807 --> 00:10:13,958 This is not about you and me, this is Janey's life we're talking about. 227 00:10:14,007 --> 00:10:15,486 It's time for us to step back. 228 00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,722 What, so we stay out of it, yeah? 229 00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:19,723 Leave the decision to the kids, right? 230 00:10:19,767 --> 00:10:20,756 Precisely. 231 00:10:20,807 --> 00:10:22,081 - Completely? - Entirely. 232 00:10:22,127 --> 00:10:23,606 - Done? - Done. 233 00:10:24,647 --> 00:10:26,399 Thanks for the coffee... 234 00:10:27,447 --> 00:10:28,960 ...darling. 235 00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:31,441 You're welcome...sweetheart. 236 00:10:37,847 --> 00:10:38,836 (PHONE BEEPS) 237 00:10:39,887 --> 00:10:40,876 Susan? 238 00:10:43,047 --> 00:10:44,036 Ben? 239 00:10:45,087 --> 00:10:46,236 Who were you calling? 240 00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:48,482 No-one. Who were you calling? 241 00:10:48,527 --> 00:10:50,722 No-one. 242 00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:52,644 Then why did you pick up the phone? 243 00:10:54,127 --> 00:10:55,196 I was just about to clean it. 244 00:10:56,767 --> 00:10:59,235 OK. Bye, then. 245 00:11:04,367 --> 00:11:07,006 Susan! 246 00:11:07,047 --> 00:11:09,003 - Susan! - Janey is marrying Craig. 247 00:11:09,047 --> 00:11:11,003 - Over my dead body. - Oh, fine! 248 00:11:11,047 --> 00:11:12,366 We'll find someone else to walk Janey down the aisle. 249 00:11:12,407 --> 00:11:14,204 She is marrying Mark! 250 00:11:14,247 --> 00:11:15,236 - Craig! - Mark! 251 00:11:15,287 --> 00:11:16,276 - Craig! - M...! 252 00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,795 - Aw... - Oh, I'm so stupid, I forgot my keys. 253 00:11:18,847 --> 00:11:21,122 - Ah, lovely. - Yes. 254 00:11:21,167 --> 00:11:23,476 - Mm... Mark! - Craig! 255 00:11:23,527 --> 00:11:25,119 - Look, Susan... - No, you look, Ben. 256 00:11:25,167 --> 00:11:26,361 I am going to help Craig 257 00:11:26,407 --> 00:11:29,638 put a marriage proposal together that will make Janey swoon. 258 00:11:29,687 --> 00:11:32,485 - Yes, from nausea, no doubt. - Oh, you think you can do better? 259 00:11:32,527 --> 00:11:36,440 Look, I do know a thing or two about asking a woman to marry me. Remember? 260 00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:39,399 As I recall, you were so drunk, you muttered something 261 00:11:39,447 --> 00:11:42,996 about two lives becoming one before heaving and passing out. 262 00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:45,606 As I recall, you said yes. 263 00:11:45,647 --> 00:11:47,285 - I was drunk, too. - Oh... 264 00:11:47,327 --> 00:11:49,124 (KNOCKING) 265 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,522 - Hi. - Hello, Janey. 266 00:11:51,567 --> 00:11:52,841 What's up, Rog? 267 00:11:52,887 --> 00:11:57,563 Oh, I'm just making the most of my week off. How are you, Janey? 268 00:11:57,607 --> 00:11:59,996 Yeah. 269 00:12:00,047 --> 00:12:03,357 Oh, sorry, sorry, Rog, my mind was somewhere else. 270 00:12:03,407 --> 00:12:05,443 - Oh, my mind does that, too. - Yeah. 271 00:12:05,487 --> 00:12:07,045 Slips out for a coffee. 272 00:12:07,087 --> 00:12:09,521 Never know if it's going to come back or not. 273 00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:12,604 No, it's just I've got a decision to make. 274 00:12:12,647 --> 00:12:15,639 A big decision. Involving love. 275 00:12:15,687 --> 00:12:18,155 Urgh. 276 00:12:18,207 --> 00:12:19,925 Don't talk to me about love. 277 00:12:19,967 --> 00:12:20,956 Love and I are... 278 00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:24,602 (JUMBLED GROANS) 279 00:12:26,487 --> 00:12:31,686 Your father said that somewhere out there is the woman for me, 280 00:12:31,727 --> 00:12:33,797 but where on earth do you start? 281 00:12:33,847 --> 00:12:37,157 Oh, don't give up hope, Rog. 282 00:12:37,207 --> 00:12:40,836 The right girl for you could be a lot nearer than you think. 283 00:12:42,167 --> 00:12:43,316 Hmm... 284 00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:45,323 Dad's in the kitchen. 285 00:12:45,367 --> 00:12:48,439 BEN: I would be happier if Roger asked Janey to marry him! 286 00:12:55,247 --> 00:12:57,477 - Hello. - See you at the wedding... 287 00:12:58,607 --> 00:13:01,838 ...Dad, Mum. (CHUCKLES) 288 00:13:07,647 --> 00:13:11,242 All right, Craig, listen up. You're going to have to get your head out of the clouds 289 00:13:11,287 --> 00:13:13,118 and your arse in gear if you want to win this thing. 290 00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,361 Win this thing?! 291 00:13:14,407 --> 00:13:15,556 I mean, make Janey happy. 292 00:13:15,607 --> 00:13:19,805 I-I can't tell you how much it means to me, you helping me out. 293 00:13:19,847 --> 00:13:22,680 It's not always that easy for me to express what I'm feeling. 294 00:13:22,727 --> 00:13:26,879 A man who can't express his feelings? I don't believe it. 295 00:13:26,927 --> 00:13:28,565 Well, I'm here to help. 296 00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:31,405 Now, I know money is tight, so I've got a ring for you. 297 00:13:31,447 --> 00:13:34,439 Oh, but I already have a ring. 298 00:13:34,487 --> 00:13:38,719 It's, um, it's simple, it's modest, it's elegant... 299 00:13:38,767 --> 00:13:40,564 It's crap. 300 00:13:40,607 --> 00:13:44,441 Here. This is white gold with an antique amethyst and diamond inlay. 301 00:13:44,487 --> 00:13:46,079 Janey will love it. 302 00:13:46,127 --> 00:13:47,845 Wow! Thanks. 303 00:13:47,887 --> 00:13:49,923 I can't believe you're being so generous. 304 00:13:49,967 --> 00:13:52,720 Well, I'm not. It's Ben's. It belonged to his grandmother. 305 00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:54,962 She and Benno must have been pretty close, eh? 306 00:13:55,007 --> 00:13:57,157 No, he won it off her at poker. 307 00:13:57,207 --> 00:14:02,645 Now, you want to take Janey out to a nice place for dinner to propose. 308 00:14:02,687 --> 00:14:05,838 No girl wants to be asked the most important question of her life 309 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:08,401 - at Chicken Cottage. - Right. 310 00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:10,324 Yeah. So what are you thinking? 311 00:14:10,367 --> 00:14:12,562 Nando's? 312 00:14:12,607 --> 00:14:15,201 You know what? I'll make the reservation for you. 313 00:14:15,247 --> 00:14:17,397 There's a wonderful French restaurant 314 00:14:17,447 --> 00:14:19,802 that Ben takes me to whenever he screws up. 315 00:14:19,847 --> 00:14:21,758 We eat there a lot. 316 00:14:22,807 --> 00:14:26,686 So I guess you'll be wanting to hear my proposal? It's still a bit rough... 317 00:14:26,727 --> 00:14:30,003 Oh, well, just let me hear it, and I'll tweak it a bit. 318 00:14:30,047 --> 00:14:31,196 Right. OK. 319 00:14:33,607 --> 00:14:39,557 Janey, my heart was cold until your warmth filled it. 320 00:14:39,607 --> 00:14:43,361 My world didn't turn until you walked beside me. 321 00:14:43,407 --> 00:14:45,443 You're the sunlight on my face, 322 00:14:45,487 --> 00:14:49,878 the air in my chest and the beauty in my life. 323 00:14:49,927 --> 00:14:53,761 There's no words to convey all that I feel for you, 324 00:14:53,807 --> 00:14:58,039 so I guess ''I love you'' will just have to make do. 325 00:14:59,287 --> 00:15:01,198 Will you marry me? 326 00:15:02,207 --> 00:15:04,118 Oh, who am I kidding? 327 00:15:05,287 --> 00:15:06,720 It's all a bit rubbish, isn't it? 328 00:15:11,647 --> 00:15:12,762 It's a start... 329 00:15:12,807 --> 00:15:14,126 It...is...it's... 330 00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,517 ...it's definitely a start. 331 00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:20,205 I really appreciate your help here, Ben. 332 00:15:20,247 --> 00:15:23,956 I'm a businessman. I know how to write a contract, not a marriage proposal. 333 00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:26,646 Mark, just relax, OK? 334 00:15:26,687 --> 00:15:32,205 When it comes to matters of the heart, you are talking to the love doctor, OK? 335 00:15:32,247 --> 00:15:33,236 Now, what have you got? 336 00:15:33,287 --> 00:15:38,042 Thought I'd just speak from the heart, tell Janey I had feelings for her. 337 00:15:38,087 --> 00:15:39,839 Even feelings of love. 338 00:15:39,887 --> 00:15:44,597 No, no, no, that's so been done. Come on, what else have you got? 339 00:15:44,647 --> 00:15:49,243 Well, um, I suppose I could tell her I've been working really hard, 340 00:15:49,287 --> 00:15:51,755 had a fair amount of success, 341 00:15:51,807 --> 00:15:53,877 earn a six-figure sum, got a boat... 342 00:15:53,927 --> 00:15:56,441 - Dinghy? - Yacht. 343 00:15:56,487 --> 00:16:00,241 ...a chateau in France and a small estate in Argentina 344 00:16:00,287 --> 00:16:02,881 which we're really excited about, because the winery has had 345 00:16:02,927 --> 00:16:06,636 a great first year and we're exporting to America and... 346 00:16:08,207 --> 00:16:09,925 Who am I kidding? 347 00:16:09,967 --> 00:16:12,003 Janey's not going to be impressed by that, is she? 348 00:16:13,967 --> 00:16:17,562 It's a start... It's...definitely a start. 349 00:16:19,247 --> 00:16:23,718 (PHONE RINGS) 350 00:16:30,167 --> 00:16:31,520 Yeah? 351 00:16:32,647 --> 00:16:34,399 ...Hmm? Chez Maurice? 352 00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:38,003 No, I've not made a reservation. 353 00:16:39,687 --> 00:16:41,359 Oh, my wife did. 354 00:16:41,407 --> 00:16:43,045 Why? What have I done wrong? 355 00:16:45,647 --> 00:16:47,524 What? Oh, for my daughter? 356 00:16:47,567 --> 00:16:50,604 It's for Janey. Ah, right. 357 00:16:50,647 --> 00:16:53,320 I see. 358 00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:56,564 Yes, thanks very much for calling to confirm. 359 00:16:59,887 --> 00:17:01,923 - Who was that on the phone? - Nobody. 360 00:17:01,967 --> 00:17:03,923 Nobody? 361 00:17:03,967 --> 00:17:05,923 Nobody. Why do you ask? 362 00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:08,401 - No reason. - Mm-hm? 363 00:17:09,447 --> 00:17:11,005 Why are you acting so strangely? 364 00:17:11,047 --> 00:17:13,766 I'm not acting strangely. What about you? 365 00:17:13,807 --> 00:17:15,206 You have anything to feel guilty about? 366 00:17:15,247 --> 00:17:16,760 Why should I feel guilty? 367 00:17:16,807 --> 00:17:18,877 You're the one on the phone to nobody. 368 00:17:18,927 --> 00:17:20,121 Was I? 369 00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:22,362 Why are you answering my questions with questions? 370 00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:24,967 - Am I? - Yes. 371 00:17:25,007 --> 00:17:26,486 - Really? - Stop it! 372 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,560 I swear, you get weirder by the day. 373 00:17:29,607 --> 00:17:30,562 Do I? 374 00:17:51,847 --> 00:17:53,360 Mark? 375 00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:56,399 Thank you, yes, it's me, ''Sir'', yes. 376 00:17:56,447 --> 00:18:00,156 Mark, listen, meet me tonight at Chez Maurice, 7.30, Chiswick High Road. 377 00:18:00,207 --> 00:18:02,846 Yeah. Yes, good boy, good boy. 378 00:18:02,887 --> 00:18:05,196 This time tomorrow, Janey's going to be the new Mrs... 379 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,566 ...whatever your name is. 380 00:18:14,847 --> 00:18:17,077 Craig, is everything OK? 381 00:18:17,127 --> 00:18:18,958 Yeah, yeah, why wouldn't it be? 382 00:18:19,007 --> 00:18:21,077 You just seem a little nervous. 383 00:18:21,127 --> 00:18:23,561 What would I have to be nervous about? 384 00:18:23,607 --> 00:18:25,086 I don't know. Maybe... 385 00:18:25,127 --> 00:18:26,799 you wanted to ask me something? 386 00:18:26,847 --> 00:18:31,204 Ah, well, actually, er, Janey, the thing of it is... 387 00:18:31,247 --> 00:18:32,316 Yeah? 388 00:18:32,367 --> 00:18:33,356 I-I, um... 389 00:18:33,407 --> 00:18:35,682 Monsieur, are you ready? 390 00:18:35,727 --> 00:18:39,606 Stop rushing me, please! For the love of God, I'll do it in my own time, OK?! 391 00:18:39,647 --> 00:18:42,764 I meant are you ready to hear tonight's specials? 392 00:18:42,807 --> 00:18:46,516 Right, er... can you give us another few minutes? 393 00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:51,083 I will await our next conversation with great enthusiasm(!) 394 00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:54,481 So, you were saying... 395 00:18:54,527 --> 00:18:57,166 Ah, yeah. Janey, I, um... 396 00:18:58,207 --> 00:19:01,040 Janey, you're the most... 397 00:19:01,087 --> 00:19:02,884 that I've ever and... 398 00:19:02,927 --> 00:19:04,519 and I'm well, you know, 399 00:19:04,567 --> 00:19:09,038 for the most part, and since we're both...you know? 400 00:19:09,087 --> 00:19:12,716 So, yeah, what do you say? 401 00:19:15,007 --> 00:19:16,918 You didn't actually say anything. 402 00:19:16,967 --> 00:19:20,323 Really?! Really? I thought I made a heap of good points there. 403 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,483 Listen, I'm going to use the ladies', 404 00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:25,724 so why don't you think about what you want to tell me, huh? 405 00:19:30,287 --> 00:19:33,085 You stay here. I'll get rid of the wombat. 406 00:19:34,647 --> 00:19:36,524 Craig! Oh, thank God, I've found you! 407 00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:39,400 - Ben! What are you doing here? - It's OK, it's OK, it's, er... 408 00:19:39,447 --> 00:19:41,722 Look, I know we've had our differences, all right, 409 00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:43,439 and I know how much you mean to Janey, 410 00:19:43,487 --> 00:19:45,284 but I'd hate to see you deported. 411 00:19:45,327 --> 00:19:47,124 - Deported?! - Ssh! Ssh! 412 00:19:47,167 --> 00:19:50,159 - All right. It's OK! - What are you talking about? 413 00:19:50,207 --> 00:19:52,801 It's just that immigration turned up at the house, 414 00:19:52,847 --> 00:19:55,042 apparently a bit of a mix-up vis-a-vis a visa. 415 00:19:55,087 --> 00:19:56,440 Vis-a-vis a visa? 416 00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:59,365 Yeah, exactly, and it sounds pretty serious. 417 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,398 But it's all a big mistake. My papers are all in order. 418 00:20:01,447 --> 00:20:02,516 - Yeah, I know. - What should I do? 419 00:20:02,567 --> 00:20:05,718 I think you should get over to the house, go and sort it out, let nothing stop you. 420 00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:07,837 Right! Oh, will you tell Janey I had to go? 421 00:20:07,887 --> 00:20:09,639 I would be delighted to tell her you've gone. 422 00:20:09,687 --> 00:20:10,676 Thank you, Ben. 423 00:20:10,727 --> 00:20:12,479 See you later. Good luck! Good luck. 424 00:20:12,527 --> 00:20:14,518 Mark! (WHISPERS) Ssh, ssh, come here! 425 00:20:16,807 --> 00:20:18,365 Make me proud, son. 426 00:20:20,767 --> 00:20:22,723 (SIGHS) 427 00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:24,120 Mark? 428 00:20:25,487 --> 00:20:28,001 What are you doing here? Is Kenzo OK? 429 00:20:28,047 --> 00:20:30,925 Yeah, don't worry. He's fine. Um... 430 00:20:30,967 --> 00:20:32,195 Where did Craig go? 431 00:20:32,247 --> 00:20:34,283 He had to go sort something out. 432 00:20:34,327 --> 00:20:35,396 Um... 433 00:20:35,447 --> 00:20:38,120 Janey, er, it's just... 434 00:20:39,407 --> 00:20:40,806 ...I really need to talk to you. 435 00:20:40,847 --> 00:20:42,360 Can you join me? 436 00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:44,159 OK... 437 00:20:48,887 --> 00:20:51,924 The thing is, Janey, um... 438 00:20:51,967 --> 00:20:55,437 when two people have known each other as long as we have, 439 00:20:55,487 --> 00:21:00,003 they develop a certain... fondness and, um, 440 00:21:00,047 --> 00:21:04,120 one hopes that that fondness can turn into something other than... 441 00:21:06,247 --> 00:21:07,999 ...fondness. A deeper... 442 00:21:08,047 --> 00:21:10,277 fondness, for example. 443 00:21:10,327 --> 00:21:11,999 BEN: Focus! 444 00:21:12,047 --> 00:21:14,436 Right, um... 445 00:21:14,487 --> 00:21:17,559 We've been through a lot together, Janey. 446 00:21:17,607 --> 00:21:20,599 We're both parents to that amazing little man. 447 00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:23,764 And because of that, I thought...we... 448 00:21:23,807 --> 00:21:25,365 Yes? 449 00:21:25,407 --> 00:21:27,523 Can I get you anything, madam? 450 00:21:27,567 --> 00:21:30,525 How about a man who can ask me a question? 451 00:21:30,567 --> 00:21:32,478 (SIGHS) 452 00:21:32,527 --> 00:21:36,998 - Craig, what are you doing here? - Ah, it's a little emergency. 453 00:21:37,047 --> 00:21:39,083 - I'm being deported. - What? 454 00:21:39,127 --> 00:21:40,196 Yeah, your old man was good enough 455 00:21:40,247 --> 00:21:42,522 to come down the restaurant and tell me about the immigration guys. 456 00:21:42,567 --> 00:21:45,127 Did he, now? How very thoughtful of him(!) 457 00:21:45,167 --> 00:21:46,282 Where are they? 458 00:21:46,327 --> 00:21:49,239 - You're coming with me, Craig. - But my visa! 459 00:21:49,287 --> 00:21:53,724 Trust me, if anyone's leaving the country, it'll be Ben. 460 00:21:53,767 --> 00:21:56,964 W-what I'm trying to say is, 461 00:21:57,007 --> 00:22:00,443 you know, not to put too fine a... If you look at the bigger picture... 462 00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,796 You do know this place shuts at eleven, right? 463 00:22:05,967 --> 00:22:07,719 - Janey... - Yes? 464 00:22:07,767 --> 00:22:09,405 ...you are a wonderful woman. Will you...? 465 00:22:09,447 --> 00:22:11,597 Where is he? Where is that idiotic husband of mine? 466 00:22:12,487 --> 00:22:14,159 Ah, never mind. 467 00:22:15,727 --> 00:22:18,799 - This one's on you. - What are you doing?! 468 00:22:18,847 --> 00:22:21,315 Oh, I'm so sorry, I have a drink problem. 469 00:22:21,367 --> 00:22:22,959 What's going on? 470 00:22:23,007 --> 00:22:24,360 What's everyone doing here? 471 00:22:24,407 --> 00:22:26,443 - Mark is about to propose to you. - What?! 472 00:22:26,487 --> 00:22:29,797 - No, Craig is about to propose to you. - What?! 473 00:22:29,847 --> 00:22:31,838 Go on, Mark. Do it before Craig, then his won't count. 474 00:22:31,887 --> 00:22:32,876 Wait a minute, hold on. 475 00:22:32,927 --> 00:22:33,962 What the hell are you two doing here? 476 00:22:34,007 --> 00:22:36,475 She secretly invited him for dinner to get Mark out of the way. 477 00:22:36,527 --> 00:22:39,121 And he threatened Craig with deportation to get him out of the way. 478 00:22:39,167 --> 00:22:41,397 - Because I don't want her to marry Craig. - And I don't want her to marry Mark. 479 00:22:41,447 --> 00:22:42,846 Sorry, how about what I want?! 480 00:22:42,887 --> 00:22:45,640 Never mind what you want, it's not important! Now come on, do your thing. 481 00:22:45,687 --> 00:22:47,757 Um, Janey, you mean everything to me. 482 00:22:47,807 --> 00:22:50,844 Look at the size of that, Janey! 483 00:22:50,887 --> 00:22:52,400 You know what they say about men with big diamonds. 484 00:22:52,447 --> 00:22:53,926 They're overcompensating. 485 00:22:53,967 --> 00:22:55,320 Size is very important, Susan. 486 00:22:55,367 --> 00:22:56,641 Don't I know it(?!) 487 00:22:56,687 --> 00:22:58,996 I can't believe you two. You've actually taken sides. 488 00:22:59,047 --> 00:23:02,596 No, we haven't. Craig, get on with it, do your thing. 489 00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:04,683 Janey, I can't live without you. 490 00:23:04,727 --> 00:23:09,039 Janey, he will literally die without you. Do you want that on your conscience? 491 00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:12,204 - Janey, I... - Oh, please, look at the size of this! 492 00:23:12,247 --> 00:23:14,761 That's so small compare... This is my grandmother's ring! 493 00:23:14,807 --> 00:23:15,956 You snooze, you lose. 494 00:23:16,007 --> 00:23:20,159 This is a family heirloom, Susan. I'm going to have to take this off eBay now. 495 00:23:20,207 --> 00:23:22,038 Just shut up, OK! You're all mad! 496 00:23:22,087 --> 00:23:24,043 Come on, do your proposal, do it! 497 00:23:24,087 --> 00:23:26,965 - CRAIG AND MARK: So will you marry me? - BEN AND SUSAN: ...him? 498 00:23:27,007 --> 00:23:28,998 I can't believe this. You're both ruining this for me! 499 00:23:29,047 --> 00:23:32,084 I must ask you all to leave, maintenant! 500 00:23:32,127 --> 00:23:35,517 Mesdames et messieurs, I do apologise for this disturbance. 501 00:23:35,567 --> 00:23:36,556 I can only assure you 502 00:23:36,607 --> 00:23:39,883 the rest of the evening will be free of this circus freak show. 503 00:23:39,927 --> 00:23:41,645 (MARIACHI BAND PLAYS) 504 00:23:46,487 --> 00:23:49,479 - Janey Harper, will you m...? - (BAND FALTERS) 505 00:23:52,767 --> 00:23:55,520 Well, um, this is awkward. 506 00:23:57,087 --> 00:23:59,806 I thought this was a Spanish restaurant. 507 00:24:08,127 --> 00:24:11,244 Oh, come on, Janey, let me explain! 508 00:24:11,287 --> 00:24:13,403 - We're so sorry, darling. - What the hell is wrong with you two? 509 00:24:13,447 --> 00:24:16,803 I am a grown woman. I don't need you deciding who I should spend my life with. 510 00:24:16,847 --> 00:24:19,077 You hear her, Ben? It's not for you to decide. 511 00:24:19,127 --> 00:24:20,480 - You too, Mum. - Oh. 512 00:24:20,527 --> 00:24:22,643 I mean, what makes you think you can run my life better than I do? 513 00:24:22,687 --> 00:24:23,881 It's a gift. 514 00:24:23,927 --> 00:24:26,521 And what the hell were you two thinking, taking advice on marriage 515 00:24:26,567 --> 00:24:28,444 from my parents, of all people?! I mean, look at them! 516 00:24:28,487 --> 00:24:30,682 Yeah, look... Steady on, Janey! 517 00:24:30,727 --> 00:24:32,877 This was a big moment in my life and you two mucked it up beyond repair. 518 00:24:32,927 --> 00:24:35,122 I mean, how much worse could this night get? 519 00:24:35,167 --> 00:24:38,159 (MARIACHI BAND PLAYS) 520 00:24:42,367 --> 00:24:45,757 Janey Harper, will you marry me? 521 00:24:45,807 --> 00:24:47,559 No! 522 00:24:47,607 --> 00:24:49,802 (BAND FALTERS) 523 00:24:49,847 --> 00:24:51,485 So, Janey, what's the decision? 524 00:24:51,527 --> 00:24:54,360 Look, Mark, you're a good friend and a great dad to Kenzo, 525 00:24:54,407 --> 00:24:56,238 but I don't want to marry you. 526 00:24:56,287 --> 00:24:58,403 And Craig, I don't want to marry you either. 527 00:24:58,447 --> 00:25:00,165 - And Roger... - She's reconsidered. 528 00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:01,959 ...we've never talked for more than ten minutes, 529 00:25:02,007 --> 00:25:03,804 and you're dressed like a Spanish bandit. 530 00:25:03,847 --> 00:25:06,042 So everyone just leave me alone, OK? 531 00:25:07,487 --> 00:25:09,159 (DOOR SLAMS) 532 00:25:09,207 --> 00:25:12,756 ...I didn't hear a no. 533 00:25:19,847 --> 00:25:21,803 (SIGHS) 534 00:25:23,367 --> 00:25:26,803 - Craig, I just need a minute. - Please, Janey, hear me out. 535 00:25:26,847 --> 00:25:29,919 I just need to ask you something. 536 00:25:29,967 --> 00:25:31,195 Craig, don't... 537 00:25:31,247 --> 00:25:32,600 Janey, please, 538 00:25:32,647 --> 00:25:35,480 I want to speak for myself for once. 539 00:25:35,527 --> 00:25:37,643 I have to ask you a very important question. 540 00:25:39,327 --> 00:25:40,840 Will you date me? 541 00:25:41,727 --> 00:25:43,126 What? 542 00:25:43,167 --> 00:25:48,525 Janey, I love you and I do want to marry you, but not right now. 543 00:25:48,567 --> 00:25:50,603 You know, there's plenty of time for that. 544 00:25:51,647 --> 00:25:54,480 I just want to keep things the way they are. 545 00:25:54,527 --> 00:25:59,965 So will you do me the honour of messing about down the pub, 546 00:26:00,007 --> 00:26:02,999 having a laugh and being my girl? 547 00:26:05,047 --> 00:26:06,924 I will. 548 00:26:06,967 --> 00:26:11,085 (GIGGLES) 549 00:26:11,127 --> 00:26:14,005 All right, shall we go out there and tell them we've sorted things out? 550 00:26:14,047 --> 00:26:16,322 Oh, Craig, you still have so much to learn. Come on! 551 00:26:17,367 --> 00:26:19,119 - Pub? - Yes. 552 00:26:19,167 --> 00:26:21,283 (DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS) 553 00:26:22,607 --> 00:26:25,360 I guess we've learnt an important lesson. 554 00:26:25,407 --> 00:26:27,363 Couldn't agree with you more. 555 00:26:27,407 --> 00:26:29,477 Which lesson's that? 556 00:26:29,527 --> 00:26:32,121 We shouldn't interfere in other people's love lives. 557 00:26:32,167 --> 00:26:34,442 I don't know, I don't know. With all our experience 558 00:26:34,487 --> 00:26:37,843 at dealing with matters of the heart, I think we could really help someone. 559 00:26:40,007 --> 00:26:42,316 Mind you, some people are really beyond help.