Maurice, what do you want?
Ron around? I need to ask him a favor.
Ron? Guess who!
Oh, it's you, Maurice.
Listen, if you're here to dicker about our charges-
No, Maurice has had a change of heart about the Casablanca lilies.
So, you're here to apologize.
Well... No.
He needs a favor. Oh.
I seem to remember that...
you did a tour of duty in Korea while you were in the Corps.
I was up on the DMZ. What of it?
Well, my son, Duk Won, is coming over from Seoul.
We need a translator.
Seems he's getting married and he's bringing his fiancée over here.
There's some sort of an oriental dealie-wog...
about getting my approval for the marriage.
Oh, so Duk Won is of traditional ways. A Confucian.
Hell, I don't know what he is.
I don't even know why he's coming over here. I mean, I cut him in...
for a good portion of the will.
Maybe he wants a cash advance.
Always looking for that hidden agenda, huh, Maurice?
Oh, come on, Erick.
The boy's 42 years old.
He's crossing five time zones and the International Date Line...
to ask Dad's permission to marry.
Now, you don't have to be a paranoid to know he's got some other kimchi to pickle.
So, what do you say? You gonna help me or not?
I'll see if my dance card's full.
My house, 1100 hours.
Try and act normal.
Sunny specials, spuds and links.
But, guys, next time get 'em over, will you?
The yellow goo gives me the whoopsies.
Hi, there.
What did you do, man, order every catalog and magazine in North America?
Whopper! They're here!
Modern Maternity, Stroller World, Play.
That's for later. Play.
"Playgroup Aggression. When to Step In. "
Maggie, these rags are jammed packed with the inside mommying stuff.
Listen, I know you're not getting it regular anymore...
but if you ever snag somebody again...
you've gotta go for the preggers gig.
I mean, you should get a load of what's going on under this momhood muumuu.
My nips are as big as double-drop chocolate cookies.
And my boobs! I am bustin' out of my maxi Maidenforms.
Already? In one month?
Maggie, when the big H plants a seed, stand back.
Right, Babe? How's that, Shelly?
Oh, we're just talking about the little fellow.
Oh, yes. The baby.
Just think, eight and a half more months and I'm gonna be breaking water.
Eight and a half months.
Time for my knee squats and bum squeezes.
That's to ease the labor.
Bad news? Well, I don't know.
I mean...
I'm not sure what it says.
I mean, well, I kind of know what it says, but...
Well, I don't know what it says.
You kinda lost me here. It's in Tlingit.
That's Indian. Really?
Yep. Uncle Anku gave it to me.
I found it when we were cleaning out his welding shed.
It's a letter his dad wrote to him while he was in Seattle for his hernia operation.
Look right there. Space Needle.
Yeah? Yep.
See, this is the language of my people, Dr. Fleischman.
Only, I don't know how to read it.
Of course, neither can anyone else.
Well, except for a few old people.
But they only speak it...
when they don't want the young people to know what they're saying.
Right.
Huh?
It's Yiddish. It means the same thing.
It's like, "Shh, the children are listening. "
I know what you mean, actually. I'm in the same boat...
when I think about it.
What boat?
Well, there's nobody really speaks Yiddish anymore, you know?
Except maybe a few alter kockers on the Lower East Side...
but, you know, it's mostly Puerto Rican now.
"Alter kocker" is like "old coot. "
Oh.
But there's not anyone, really, under 90 that speaks it anymore.
It's a dying language.
You know, just like your... whatchamacallit.
Languages die? Oh, yeah! You kidding?
I mean, there was this whole Yiddish culture that's basically dead.
I mean, they had theater, they had newspapers, they had literature.
I think it's sad, when you think about it.
You know, a language dies, a culture just disappears...
and there's just a little less to pass on.
It just gets smaller and smaller until there's nothing.
Like The Last of the Mohicans.
Yeah, I guess, in a Polish-Jewish sort of way.
Come in, Son. Let me take a look at you.
You must be Soon Ae.
Ron, take the little lady's bag.
Father.
Father, Pak Soon Ae.
I'm very happy to meet you, my dear.
Welcome to America.
This is Ron Bantz. He'll be doing the translating honors.
Oh! Well, thank you.
All right, Ron, can the chit-chat.
Let's get these people seated...
and let them wet their whistle.
I'm sure they must be very thirsty after their long haul.
Of course.
Sit yourselves down. Take a load off.
Well, Duk...
I laid in a lot of that diet cherry soda...
that you liked so much last time you were here.
Thank you, Dad.
So, you two are gonna get married, huh?
Yes. Yes.
You packed your Samsonites, laid out a couple of grand for plane fare...
and hauled yourself halfway around the world...
just to ask for your old man's blessing. Is that about it?
Blessing.
Yes, blessing.
From where I sit...
she looks fine. She looks pretty good.
She's got a few curves for an Asiatic.
Got tiny feet.
She's quiet, I like that.
I would have picked a younger one if it'd been me.
Of course...
I guess neither one of you are spring chickens, huh?
Both of you are getting kind of long in the tooth.
Well, okay. She looks fine.
Permission granted.
All right, now that we got that out of the way...
let's get down to the nitty-gritty.
Now, what do you want now?
A dowry?
Wedding expenses? What?
Ron?
No. No!
Ron, what's he yammering about?
Says they don't want any money. Says he has everything that he needs.
Well, what the hell are they doing here, then?
He says he came to ask your permission to marry Soon Ae.
That's it? That's all? Permission.
Well...
all right. Okay.
You have it. You have my permission.
Thank you. Thank you, Daddy.
Joel? Yeah?
May I have a moment?
Hey, absolutely. Sure, Holling. Come on in.
What's up? Well, I have a problem, Joel. I'm...
I'm stymied.
Stymied? Well, if I may speak frankly to you...
it's sex.
Sex.
You see, I'm used to getting it kinda regular.
Well, at least several times a day, anyway.
Wait a minute. Hold on, just...
Look, when you say "several," what, like, three or more?
Well, average of four.
You're serious? You're not kidding?
You were really having sex four times a day?
Well, more during the winter freeze...
when business was slow.
That's incredible, I mean, for a man half your age.
What am I saying? For a teenager! That's...
Day in, day out for how many years?
Going on three. Wow.
That's a lot. Well, Joel...
I was wondering if you might prescribe me some saltpeter.
Saltpeter? Sodium nitrate?
Well, the cook used to put it into the chili in the logging line.
It mellowed the men down a little.
Look, I'm not gonna dose you with salts, okay?
And that's an old wives' tale, all right?
I don't think saltpeter is your answer, anyway.
But, Joel, what am I gonna do? I have tried everything.
Well- I mean...
ice baths, and...
midnight jogs...
I spent an hour and a half in the walk-in cooler yesterday.
Well, I'll tell you what, Holling. In my opinion...
I think you should just talk to Shelly about it.
You mean insist myself upon her?
No, talk to her.
Tell her how you feel. As a man.
As an incredibly robust man.
Yeah?
Maurice? Oh, Ron. Come on in, take a load off.
Have a piece of candy. Soon Ae made these.
They're not exactly Hershey bars with almonds, but they're pretty tasty.
Maurice, we need to talk.
How about that son of mine, huh?
Traveled 4,000 miles to ask his old man if he could marry some old broad.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, and I wouldn't...
unless I was absolutely certain, you know that.
All right. Come on, Bantz. Spit it out.
Soon Ae is Pak Soon Ye's daughter.
Pak Soon Ye?
Colonel Pak Soon Ye of North Korea?
That's correct.
You're saying...
that my son's future bride...
is the daughter of the Butcher of Yangdok?
That's correct.
That's good, Ron. That's pretty good.
But you're gonna have to go some to get me.
After I left here this morning, something was nagging at me.
I couldn't put my finger on it.
Then it struck me.
The face. The name.
"Pak Soon Ae, daughter of Pak Soon Ye.
"Youngest of three surviving children.
"Employed as a bookkeeper...
"Hanjon Engineering, Seoul, South Korea.
"Age, 43. Single. "
Are you saying that that little lady who's boiling noodles in my kitchen...
is the daughter of that virulent, murdering...
North Korean pig?
Yes. Look...
I don't know what goes on in that fevered fairy imagination of yours...
or why you came here to drive a wedge between me and my son...
but I do know you're making me mad. You're really ticking me off.
And if you don't want to be disassembled limb by limb...
you'll do an about-face and sashay your butt out of here.
I'm sorry, Maurice.
Hello, Aunt.
Mr. Morningstar, Leston.
Want to play winners, Ed?
Be tough, though. I'm on a roll. King me.
No, thanks.
I really came to talk to Leston.
Well, you, too.
Well, everybody, really.
Pull up a chair, Ed. Maybe you'll bring me some luck.
I should never play red on Tuesdays.
I saw you on cable last night, Leston. Wagon Train marathon. Oh, yeah.
The acting days. Good people on Train, though.
John Mclntire, Ward Bond.
You know, there was some discussion in the final year...
about adding me on as a semi-regular.
You know, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.
Do you know a movie, Prisoner of Zenda?
Marvelous film. Classic Selznick.
Well, at any rate, I'm gonna be dubbing it into Tlingit.
Prisoner of Zenda in Tlingit? Yep.
Why? On account of Tlingit's a dying language...
and I was thinking as how the only people that speak it now...
are a few old people such as yourself, and...
well, after you're gone, then no one will.
And that's why I was thinking I want everybody...
you, and Mrs. Johnson...
and, well, especially you, Leston...
on account of your professional status and your experience...
to help me dub the movie.
I hope you know what you're signing yourself up for, Ed.
I remember loop lines in Cheyenne Autumn.
Carroll Baker turned into a sack of tears.
Well, that's why I was thinking I'd need you, Leston.
On account of you're an old pro.
Good point.
Seems like a hell of a lot of trouble to go to...
for a cup of tea.
What? On the floor?
Look, I'm not much of a squatter.
That's why I have chairs around my table over there.
Okay.
Yeah, whatever you say.
So, where you from, Soon Ae?
Where do you come from?
Okay, look. Me, Maurice.
Me live Cicely.
Come from Tulsa, Oklahoma.
You, Soon Ae, live Seoul.
Come from...
Wonsan. Wonsan.
Wonsan, huh?
Wonsan.
Wonsan. Wonsan.
What the hell's this?
This isn't- Soju. Soju.
That's that firewater they drink up north, isn't it?
Yeah, soju. From the north.
Norte. El Norte!
You like that soju, huh?
You like music?
You like that Red music?
How about the Internationale? You like the Internationale?
♪ Arise ye workers and unite ♪
♪ Ta da, da da da da da da ♪
♪ Ta da, da da da da da da ♪♪
The hell with this!
No.
No, I'm not paddling around in that sampan.
No way, mister.
Not this leatherneck.
Boy...
Tammy was 10-4 on the bladder thing.
Ever since I got mommed, I've been wearing a path to the toidy.
Uh, Shelly? Yeah, babe?
Hey, kill the light, will you? Me and the little pooper need our Z's.
Well...
I'd like to talk to you, if I may.
Oh, H, I almost forgot.
Did you remember to call Tiny Toddlers...
and line up the little guy's beetle-grass mat and desk?
Well, I'll phone tomorrow.
Right now I have a more pressing concern.
Well, shoot, big guy.
Well...
you remember that time I told you about...
when I was stranded out on that island in Lake Whidbey?
Mmm-hmm.
My kayak had loosed from its mooring and drifted out and far away.
And you almost froze your tush off, but the matches dried out...
and you strangled a moose and made jerky.
My only way back to shore was ice floe to ice floe...
the threat of hypothermia a mere misstep away.
But you made it back. Yes.
And do you know why?
'Cause you are one rugged L.L. Beanstalk.
True.
But, see, Shelly, I didn't want to leave that island.
Not right then.
I was forced to. Forced? By who?
Grizzlies? It was my needs.
Your what? My needs.
Your knees?
My needs. My wants, my desires.
Oh.
My needs welled up within me and once they got started...
there was no way of stopping them.
They were like a thirst that needed to be quenched...
a hunger that needed to be fed.
My needs needed to find a proper refuge.
And they wouldn't quit until they did.
Your needs? Yes, my needs!
Shelly, my God, I'm talking about my needs.
I'm talking about Johnny.
Johnny?
It was Johnny that forced me off of that island.
It was Johnny that needed a woman, bad.
And he didn't care if I died or not. I mean...
Because if he didn't find her...
I was just gonna bust. Wow!
So you swam in frozen water...
and walked through snow, all for Johnny? Yeah.
That is a great story, hon. Yeah.
I think I'll go take an Epsom soak.
My ankles are killing me, and my 'roids are acting up on me, too.
Excellent work, people. Excellent work!
Freddy, Bill, take a look at those other pages for the royal reception...
and we'll put that online right after the dinner break.
Okay, Ed. See you, Ed.
See you, guys. Thanks again, guys.
Okay, Leston...
this is where you're coming off the balcony with Princess Flavia.
Right.
And then don't forget, you know, just the three beeps...
and then the imaginary fourth one.
I got it.
Okay, good one for me. What's next?
Leston, could we just do that one again? Again?
Yeah. I mean, that was pretty good and everything...
but maybe we can just do one with...
Well, a little less edge in your voice.
Less edge?
Yeah, you know...
not so angry.
See, Ronald Colman, what he's saying in this is...
"Boy, you know, it's really a hard job being king and all, but...
"well, it's worth it just to be with Princess Flavia. "
Just what are you getting at, Ed?
I don't understand subtext?
Well, no, I...
This better not be another one of those moat-and-drawbridge scenes...
like this morning. Seven takes on that one!
I nailed it on the second one.
Oh, I know, but I just wanted to get a little more energy into that one.
I don't think you know what you want, Ed.
I worked 30 years in the biz.
I did eight Big Valleys. That's Barbara Stanwyck.
Wild Wild West. River Gorge.
Burt Lancaster. He loved my work in that. He told me so personally.
I know, Leston, but the thing is...
if Ronald Colman is so angry...
then the audience isn't gonna understand why Princess Flavia is smiling.
Where do you get off telling me about my craft?
You think I need this? I don't need this.
I don't need some amateur running my lines.
I'm out of here, Chigliak. Forget the whole thing.
End of another broadcast day at KBHR.
Let's hit The Brick, man.
I'll shoot a game of pool with you, buy you a beer.
No. No, no, thanks. Not tonight, Chris.
Oh, yeah? What, are you hanging with the family?
Here, take a look at that.
Nice bomber jacket. These your flying buddies?
Yeah. That was Seoul, '51.
There's me, J.J. Jackson...
there's Kilgore, Woody, Deets.
We were known as the Five-Headed Hydra.
Huh.
Had 18 MiG kills between us.
That's some shooting, Maurice.
See this guy here?
That's Woody Patterson.
He could do a modified crazy eight, come up behind the enemy...
open up with both 20mm cannons...
Boom!
Poor SOB never knew what hit him.
The good old days.
Two weeks after this picture was taken, Woody went down.
He broke his leg when he landed, got nabbed.
They marched him north over Koo Long Plain...
with a company of Canadian Rangers that they'd captured.
It was deep winter. Cold, no food, no medical.
Woody marched 27 miles on that broken leg.
Then, when he couldn't keep up, they shot him dead.
Duk Won's fiancée...
is the daughter of Colonel Pak Soon Ye.
Colonel who?
Colonel Pak Soon Ye.
The commandant of Songjung POW camp.
He was a master...
at physical and psychological torture.
He'd keep the men alive with a handful of rice and thin soup...
march 'em out into the yard for mock executions.
But now look.
His flesh and blood is sitting on the porch at my house, sipping tea.
If that's not enough...
I've given that woman permission to marry my only son.
Well, that's very heavy, Maurice.
Yeah.
Heavy.
Look, you change your mind, I'll be at The Brick, okay?
Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Chris. Go ahead.
One chili con carne, side of garlic toast.
Cheese? We got some fresh-grated Jack here.
Couple of shakes of Tabasco, zip it up a little.
Whoa! Whoa! Holling! Holling! These beans are hot enough, buddy.
Well, how about a frosty? Cool you down.
I got a cool one right here.
What, you're all amped up on the caffeine juice today, Holling?
It's not that. It's Shelly.
Since she's got that bun in the oven,
she stopped wanting to do the lam-bang-boo.
Oh, yeah. Nooky alert.
I've seen these jeebies before in the joint. You know?
A con pulls 90, he's good for about two weeks.
Next thing you know, bam, man!
He's pacing the floor, he's counting 4/4 out on the bars.
You know, his juices are all backed up.
That's it. That's exactly it. I'm all backed up!
Holling, there are ways to appreciate women besides making their backs bend.
Oh?
Yeah, like a less goal-oriented approach to sex, you know?
Haven't you just ever laid there next to a woman, Holling, and...
soaked up her aura?
No.
Well, me neither, really.
I mean, it's like a Western cultural thing, you know?
We think the whole point of sex is consummation, ejaculation, right?
Right.
Let me tell you something, Holling Vincoeur.
Things go down a lot different in other parts of the world.
Take the Hindu Tantrics for example.
These guys approach sex like a process, you know?
It's touching, it's sexual connection on a spiritual level.
And that works? I mean, it does the job?
For over 2,000 years.
It was Gaius Petronius who said, "One hand washes" this.
Duk Won, excuse me.
I'd like to see you in my study, please.
Listen, Duk.
I don't like to pussyfoot around, especially with my own family.
I'm fully aware that I gave you permission to marry Soon Ae.
Ron?
Permission. Yes, thank you, Father. Yeah, yeah. Well, see...
the problem is that I was not in possession of certain facts...
when I gave that permission.
Now, I hate to go back on my word...
but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to rescind...
that permission to marry Soon Ae.
No? No. No.
You see, that woman is the daughter...
of Colonel Pak Soon Ye.
Pak Soon Ye.
That man was my sworn enemy.
He killed my buddies. He tried to kill me.
He called us Wall Street butterstinkers.
He shot us in the head and laughed.
I cannot countenance such a marriage.
I understand.
I'm sorry, Duk Won.
I understand how much this means to you. I...
I understand.
What happened? What did he say?
He says he will not marry Soon Ae.
Not now, not ever.
Okay, you guys, here we go. Lie on your backs.
That's right. Feet together. Feet together?
Well, that's how it is in this diagram.
Holling, I want you to put your hand flat, right below Shelly's navel.
Okay. No, no, no, not so eager, Holling.
We're gonna get there, buddy. I'm sorry.
All right. Shelly, I want you to repeat after me.
It's the second chakra mantra.
It's the E-ticket to the G-spot. Holling, I need you to go like this.
Shelly?
This is buzzing my lips, Chris.
Shelly, let it buzz your whole body.
This is excellent. All right. All right. This is very exciting.
Holling, how are you doing? You getting off yet?
I think something might be stirring down there. How you doing, Shelly?
Maybe.
Dr. Fleischman?
Oh, man, Ed.
My heart is fibrillating. Thank you very much. I really appreciate it.
You can creep up on me anytime, you know, just sneak on up.
Well, okay.
But I really wanted just to ask you a question, Dr. Fleischman.
Yeah, well, you're here. Fire away.
Okay. Now...
if you're gonna do a thing...
then you should do it right or not at all, right?
Well, yeah. That's what they say, anyway.
Okay, now on the other hand...
if you don't do a thing...
just because you don't wanna not do it right...
well, then...
it just doesn't get done, right?
Well, I suppose.
Here we go.
I knew I had it.
Ed, have a seat. It's perfect you're here, actually.
Remember the other day we were talking about Yiddish?
Right. Right. Well, I have this Uncle Stanley...
and he would pull this story out...
whenever he'd have a few too many Manischewitzes.
This is... Basically, this is the story of Pocahontas in Yiddish.
Ready? Okay.
Here's what... He would have us all around...
and he would... You know, he'd sit there, and he would say...
Right? Which is...
He's saying that the teepee is too small for the wedding, right?
A Yiddish teepee. Exactly.
It's this funny story. You have Pocayenta...
Get it?
Pocayenta?
So her daughter is getting married...
so she sends her husband, Geronowitz, to get a buffalo.
She wants him to kill a buffalo.
Which is a pot roast. And also to get a bigger teepee.
With the pelt. You got it. Exactly.
Okay. She says, "Geronowitz!"
Which is... It means, "Get off your butt!"
"... a buffalo. "
A buffalo, right? Do you get it?
It's funny. You know, it's just...
The whole thing is... It's the sounds, you know? They're...
I tell you, I hear this stuff and I'm back in Queens.
So, what happened?
Geronowitz got a buffalo? No.
No. See, what happens is, the first buffalo, it had...
Right?
Which is mangy.
And the second buffalo was so ugly, he couldn't even look at it.
He had to send it off, right?
The third buffalo was perfect. It was beautiful.
He could taste that gedempte tzimmis.
and he goes to kill it and he realizes he can't.
He can't kill the buffalo. He has to send it away. Why?
Because he realizes he brought the milichdik tomahawk.
What kind of tomahawk? Milichdik. Which is...
See, kosher Jews, they can't cut meat with the same knife that they use for dairy.
So, he realized that he brought the milichdik tomahawk...
the milk tomahawk...
so he couldn't kill the meat with it.
So the moral of the story is...
that if he had used the tomahawk anyway...
even though it was the wrong tomahawk...
then at least he would have had a buffalo.
No. Ed, there's no moral.
It's a funny story, you know?
It's just, it's funny.
You had a question for me? No, I think you answered it. Thank you, Dr. Fleischman.
You ought to see 'em moping around out there, Dave.
Like a couple of sad sacks.
Looking at me like I've just busted their favorite rice bowl.
Well, what the hell did I do?
Did I ask him to travel halfway across the world...
and involve me in his personal problems? Hell, no!
You know what really gets to me, Dave? What's that, Maurice?
They're so damn polite, they give me the creeps.
Always bowing and smiling, smiling and bowing.
You know what a normal American kid would have done?
Spit in your eye and put your Jeep in a ditch. You bet.
He would have done what he damn well pleased.
But not Duk Won. No, no. Not my son.
Finished with these, Maurice? Mmm-hmm.
The trouble is...
I can't even get a decent night's sleep anymore.
Do you think it gives me pleasure to cause that boy misery?
Hell, no! He's always been a good son.
He's never asked me for a dime.
The trouble is, a man has got to have principles.
He's got to have a code of conduct.
That's the trouble with these United States nowadays.
Too much personal pleasure taking precedence over principle.
When you draw a line in the sand...
that is where you have to take a stand!
Set me up one more time, Dave.
All right.
Hello, Maurice.
Boys.
We're just coming to check on you, see how you're doing.
I'm fine.
You don't look so fine to me. Does he, Erick?
Yeah. You look upset.
How is a father supposed to look when he crushes the joy out of his only son?
Hey, you should be really proud of Duk Won. He took it like a man.
You ought to see 'em up there, packing their little bags.
Broken, defeated.
Maurice, I know it wasn't easy.
But you did what you had to do.
Hey, I take my hat off to you. Yeah?
Absolutely. Look, who does the dirty work?
When they want the job done right, Maurice, they call us.
They call the Marines.
Listen, Maurice, life goes on. Trust me on this.
In a few hours they'll be on a plane.
In a few months, they'll forget all about it. Erick's right.
We've all lost at love. We always think it's the end of the world.
But it isn't. Before you know it, we're good as new...
and we're back out there hitting the bars.
Speaking of which, let's head into town. I could use a cassis.
Coming.
Hey, by the way...
why don't you stop by tomorrow night?
We're having a little get-together at the B & B.
Just got in some mint-condition Marion Lewis 78s.
Yeah, I'm doing a paella. I was hoping you could whip up...
that Dijon and tarragon vinaigrette of yours.
Or not.
Open invitation.
Hello, Leston. Ed.
I hope you don't mind me showing up like this. No. I don't mind.
You know, last night I was sitting around watching some tapes of your old movies.
You were really good. Really, really good.
Like that one, Dancing Cloud's Revenge.
You're standing on that rock...
and you go to pull that arrowhead out of your chest.
Boy, the expression on your face.
You could just see how much it hurt.
That wasn't me.
No? No. It was Silverheels.
No kidding?
Boy, I didn't know that guy could act.
I'll tell you what I will always remember:
Judgment at Blood River, where you lead the attack on that cavalry.
You saw that one, huh? Oh, man. You were really good, Leston.
You liked it, huh?
Fun film.
Are you kidding?
Where your wife's dying from cholera...
that one tear just kind of...
comes down your cheek and hangs there.
Yes, the tear.
That was my idea, you know.
To show he had some humanity.
I thought it gave the picture a whole and other dimension.
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.
Sure wish you'd come back, Leston.
To Zenda? Yep.
I don't think it's a good idea, Ed.
Oh, but it is, Leston. It really is.
It won't be the same as before, I promise.
I won't be near as bossy.
You won't even know I'm there.
Well...
an actor needs a little feedback now and again.
One oatmeal, no butter...
no cream...
no fun.
No heart attack.
How are you doing, Shelly?
A little morning sickness? Nauseous?
I'm just plain bummed, Dr. Fleischman.
I mean, getting knocked up is one thing...
but I didn't know chicks got their horns shaved off.
I see.
Used to be...
I could just see a pair of stuffed 501s and some chest hair...
and I'd get that red spot on my neck...
and I'd be dragging the big H up to the love grotto.
Now I'm just a frump in a muumuu.
It's like my chickness just disappeared.
Aren't I ever gonna wanna shoot the moon?
I'm never gonna want Johnny again?
Look, Shelly...
I'm relatively sure that your sexuality is intact.
It's just...
Things happen, you know?
It's just a little dormant, that's all.
All right, look.
Picture a plant, okay? Okay?
What kind of plant?
Doesn't matter. Just...
Philodendron.
How about a fern?
Okay. Okay.
Close your eyes.
Now you see it?
You see? It's green, and it's flourishing.
Right? It's thriving, it's happy, it's growing.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Okay, in order for that fern to keep thriving...
it needs to be tended, right? Uh-huh.
So, it needs weeding, and it needs food, and it needs...
It needs?
A pot!
Water. It needs water. Right?
If it doesn't get water, what happens?
It dies. That's right.
That fern shrivels up. It shrivels up and it dies.
So...
So that's what you have to do.
You have to water the fern. You understand? You have to water it.
Oh!
Yeah.
Water the fern. Water the fern.
Duk Won.
Soon Ae.
I have something I have to say to you.
Soon Ae...
you've got to understand that this has nothing to do with you personally.
But your father was my archenemy.
I realize all this took place over 40 years ago.
It is abominable to me...
to think that his blood can mingle with mine.
As much as I hated your father...
I hate myself for what I'm about to say...
because it's weak...
and immoral.
Duk Won...
I cannot stand by and watch your anguish.
I give you permission once more to marry.
Do you understand me?
I give you permission to marry.
The two of you. You, and you, marry.
Permission. My permission to you.
The two of you marry. Be happy.
Have a good time. Enjoy!
Permission?
Permissione. Yeah, permission.
Oh, for goodness sake.
Permission? Permission?
Yeah.
Permission. Permission.
You have my permission.
Thank you, Dad.
For heaven's sake. Come on, Son.
It's okay. Don't bust a vein on me here.
I love you, Daddy.
Mr. Minnifield. Mr. Minnifield.
$5, $6, $7's your change. Thank you, Ron.
Don't forget Thursday night. Backgammon and smorgasbord.
Wouldn't miss it for Mame.
Evening, Holling.
Gentlemen.
This is a day that I never thought I'd live to see.
The day Colonel Maurice Minnifield caved.
I always respected you, Maurice.
Not as a person...
but as a comrade-in-arms.
Despised the man, but...
I saluted the rank.
But you.
You've gotten soft, Maurice.
Weak.
When you don't know who the enemy is...
who are you?
And you call yourself a Marine.
Let's get out of here.
You know, Holling...
I used to know where I fit in, in the grand scheme of things.
I knew...
friend from foe, right from wrong, black from white.
But now, everything has gotten cloudy.
One thing for sure...
I never thought I'd show myself...
to be half the man of those two nancy boys.
We could both use a drink. Yeah.