1
00:00:01,870 --> 00:00:05,206
(gasps) Casey! Spider.
I'm on it.
2
00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,241
(bell dings)
3
00:00:07,276 --> 00:00:09,143
Wait.
Not with the "instyle."
4
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:12,480
I haven't used
all the free perfume yet.
5
00:00:12,514 --> 00:00:15,216
Aah! No. Not with
the good dish towel.
6
00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:17,718
Those are just for show.
7
00:00:17,736 --> 00:00:19,270
Fine. (sighs)
8
00:00:22,791 --> 00:00:24,292
Okay, Mr. Spider.
9
00:00:24,326 --> 00:00:26,294
(whispers)
come back and bite me
10
00:00:26,328 --> 00:00:29,463
When you're radioactive.
11
00:00:29,498 --> 00:00:30,865
(door closes)
12
00:00:30,899 --> 00:00:32,566
Spider.
13
00:00:35,904 --> 00:00:37,838
(bell dings)
14
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:42,743
On my count.
15
00:00:42,761 --> 00:00:45,012
One, two, three.
16
00:00:47,816 --> 00:00:49,417
Where is it?
17
00:00:49,451 --> 00:00:51,052
Is it on me?
18
00:00:51,086 --> 00:00:54,021
Whoa! It's like they're
all over me! Ugh!
19
00:00:54,056 --> 00:00:57,058
(bell dings)
20
00:01:00,395 --> 00:01:01,862
Really?
21
00:01:01,897 --> 00:01:05,700
We already did it last week,
Vicky. I'm not a machine.
22
00:01:05,734 --> 00:01:08,336
Go back to sleep.
It was just a spider.
23
00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:10,738
Sure it was.
24
00:01:10,772 --> 00:01:14,992
Tell your spider
to come back Friday.
25
00:01:15,043 --> 00:01:18,412
(man)
♪ I don't know where I'd be ♪
26
00:01:18,447 --> 00:01:21,949
♪ without someone to see ♪
27
00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:25,336
♪ this thing through ♪
28
00:01:25,387 --> 00:01:28,255
♪ I am such a mess ♪
29
00:01:28,290 --> 00:01:31,592
♪ even at my best ♪
30
00:01:31,593 --> 00:01:33,929
Sync by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
31
00:01:34,363 --> 00:01:37,532
I have to say,
the firehouse looks great.
32
00:01:37,566 --> 00:01:40,201
You guys did an amazing job
with the renovations.
33
00:01:40,236 --> 00:01:42,203
Casey, where do you want
the... Box of wigs?
34
00:01:42,238 --> 00:01:45,657
Well, Halloween's coming up,
so just throw it on a table.
35
00:01:45,708 --> 00:01:47,659
(thud)
36
00:01:47,710 --> 00:01:50,412
See, the thing is,
Maddie hates Halloween,
37
00:01:50,446 --> 00:01:52,447
Because it's also her birthday.
38
00:01:52,481 --> 00:01:55,917
Really? Her birthday's on Halloween?
That's awesome! Not really,
39
00:01:55,951 --> 00:01:58,520
Because Halloween always seems
to steal the spotlight.
40
00:01:58,554 --> 00:02:00,522
Least she knows
when her birthday is.
41
00:02:00,556 --> 00:02:03,791
All my parents told me
is may-ish.
44
00:02:08,814 --> 00:02:10,298
Well, you didn't help.
45
00:02:10,316 --> 00:02:12,901
He kept telling me
to cross my legs.
46
00:02:12,935 --> 00:02:15,203
That's not how it works, Joel.
47
00:02:15,237 --> 00:02:17,205
You gotta understand.
It's brutal for her.
48
00:02:17,239 --> 00:02:19,541
She wants to have
a nice birthday party
49
00:02:19,575 --> 00:02:21,910
Like everybody else
and invite her friends,
50
00:02:21,944 --> 00:02:24,412
But who shows up?
A skeleton, bill Clinton,
51
00:02:24,447 --> 00:02:26,414
Two slutty clowns,
and a regular clown.
52
00:02:26,449 --> 00:02:29,584
We weren't that slutty.
53
00:02:29,618 --> 00:02:32,754
And last year we booked dinner
at a fancy restaurant, but...
54
00:02:32,788 --> 00:02:34,789
Everything looks
so amazing here.
55
00:02:34,824 --> 00:02:37,759
This is gonna be a great birthday dinner.
(chuckles)
56
00:02:37,793 --> 00:02:39,711
Hi. I'm Darth waiter,
57
00:02:39,745 --> 00:02:41,663
And I'll be your waiter.
58
00:02:41,697 --> 00:02:43,331
(mouths words)
59
00:02:45,334 --> 00:02:48,236
I need to find a place that
she can have a birthday party
60
00:02:48,254 --> 00:02:50,672
That's completely Halloween-free.
Well, how about here?
61
00:02:50,706 --> 00:02:53,875
Yeah, I mean, it'll give us
a reason to totally clean up,
62
00:02:53,909 --> 00:02:56,778
And then I can get rid of
that creepy headless mannequin
63
00:02:56,812 --> 00:02:58,813
Wearing my Jean jacket
and playing the guitar.
64
00:02:58,848 --> 00:03:01,683
His name is Carl, and I have
known him since fourth grade.
65
00:03:01,717 --> 00:03:04,986
Hey. Mia just suggested we have
your birthday party here.
66
00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:07,489
Doors that lock.
Windows that close.
67
00:03:07,523 --> 00:03:10,458
Yeah. I think we could keep
Halloween out of this place.
68
00:03:10,493 --> 00:03:12,861
They call it "the devil's
Christmas," you know.
69
00:03:12,895 --> 00:03:15,296
(chuckles) oh, I know.
70
00:03:15,331 --> 00:03:17,432
Come on, men.
Let's help out the girls
71
00:03:17,466 --> 00:03:20,402
And go get some more boxes.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, shotgun.
72
00:03:20,436 --> 00:03:22,587
Do not let
the sweat suit fool you.
73
00:03:22,621 --> 00:03:24,806
I have no interest in sweating.
74
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,758
So, how you holding up?
75
00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:30,178
I'm good. It's our first place.
(chuckles) it's so romantic.
76
00:03:30,212 --> 00:03:33,148
Oh, yeah, it is romantic, but it
can also be a little unsettling
77
00:03:33,182 --> 00:03:36,050
When you see behind the curtain.
What is that?
78
00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:37,986
Once you start living
with someone, you find out
79
00:03:38,020 --> 00:03:40,255
A lot of things
you didn't know about them.
80
00:03:40,289 --> 00:03:43,191
When Ben and I first
moved in together, I found out
81
00:03:43,225 --> 00:03:46,094
That when he thinks he's alone,
he gives himself pep talks.
82
00:03:46,128 --> 00:03:49,264
Okay. You are going
to go into work
83
00:03:49,298 --> 00:03:51,699
And assistant night-manage
that hotel like a champ.
84
00:03:51,734 --> 00:03:53,168
Why?
85
00:03:53,202 --> 00:03:57,122
Because you're
Ben frickin' coles, that's why.
86
00:03:57,173 --> 00:03:58,606
Well, that's just Ben.
87
00:03:58,641 --> 00:04:02,610
Just because he does weird stuff
doesn't mean everyone else does.
88
00:04:02,645 --> 00:04:05,046
Oh, no, no. Your father
does weird stuff, too.
89
00:04:05,064 --> 00:04:07,348
He swallows eggs whole...
90
00:04:07,383 --> 00:04:10,185
Like a snake.
91
00:04:10,219 --> 00:04:13,321
I think he dislocates his jaw.
92
00:04:13,355 --> 00:04:16,424
Seeing behind
each other's curtain
93
00:04:16,459 --> 00:04:19,360
Is when the romance
and the mystery start to...
94
00:04:19,395 --> 00:04:21,429
Die. They just die.
95
00:04:23,899 --> 00:04:26,301
Okay, we'll make
all of Maddie's favorites.
96
00:04:26,335 --> 00:04:28,670
Mia will make
her Rosemary chicken,
97
00:04:28,704 --> 00:04:31,672
And I will bring
my prizewinning cheese bread.
98
00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:33,708
Second prizewinning.
99
00:04:33,742 --> 00:04:35,677
The only reason
Barbara Ryerson won
100
00:04:35,711 --> 00:04:39,047
Is because she showed
so much cleavage.
101
00:04:39,081 --> 00:04:41,483
I don't know
what men see in that.
102
00:04:41,517 --> 00:04:44,686
If she unhooked those things,
they'd be on the floor.
103
00:04:50,292 --> 00:04:53,194
And I'll take care of the cake.
Okay. Good meeting.
104
00:04:53,228 --> 00:04:55,229
And I'll deal
with the trick-or-treaters.
105
00:04:55,247 --> 00:04:58,132
That way Halloween will not get in the way
of the party. Honey, they're leaving.
106
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,968
Oh. Bye, guys!
See ya later. Bye!
107
00:05:00,002 --> 00:05:02,954
So... Are you excited
about your birthday?
108
00:05:03,005 --> 00:05:05,840
Yeah, and I'm really excite.
109
00:05:05,875 --> 00:05:08,476
Which present is that?
The present that you're getting me.
110
00:05:08,511 --> 00:05:12,163
Oh. You know what you want
for your birthday. That's great.
111
00:05:12,214 --> 00:05:13,681
(chuckles) oh. Aw.
112
00:05:13,716 --> 00:05:16,134
Good one, Ben.
You know what I want.
113
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:18,620
I've only told you,
like, six times
114
00:05:18,654 --> 00:05:20,821
Over the past four months.
115
00:05:28,531 --> 00:05:30,899
(exhales deeply)
116
00:05:30,933 --> 00:05:32,400
(inhales deeply)
117
00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:35,036
All right.
You can do this, Ben.
118
00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:38,339
You can figure out
what she asked for,
119
00:05:38,374 --> 00:05:40,308
'cause guess what time it is.
120
00:05:40,342 --> 00:05:42,777
It's Ben time.
121
00:05:42,811 --> 00:05:44,612
Up top!
122
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,504
I can't believe
we're finally moving in.
123
00:05:53,539 --> 00:05:56,407
Everything's starting to feel so real.
I know, and it's... (singsongy) awesome.
124
00:05:56,442 --> 00:05:59,360
Yeah. Mwah. (chuckles) (normal
voice) I have to ask you something.
125
00:05:59,395 --> 00:06:02,263
Anything.
Have you seen my antifungal cream?
126
00:06:02,298 --> 00:06:05,166
That needs to stay
behind the curtain.
127
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,769
What? Yeah, apparently there's
this curtain that gets pulled back
128
00:06:07,803 --> 00:06:10,238
When you start living together,
and then you see all the gross
129
00:06:10,272 --> 00:06:12,740
And disturbing things that you
never knew about each other.
130
00:06:12,774 --> 00:06:15,209
Well, I really think we should
just keep the curtain closed,
131
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:18,012
You know? No peeing with
the door open. No burping
132
00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:20,715
Really loud and trying to high-five the other person.
That was, like, a record-setting...
133
00:06:20,733 --> 00:06:24,269
Just no. Okay? If you want to do
it, do it behind your curtain.
134
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,771
Just because we're living
together doesn't mean
135
00:06:26,822 --> 00:06:28,790
We can't have a little mystery.
136
00:06:28,824 --> 00:06:31,292
Deal. It's kind of
a relief, actually.
137
00:06:31,327 --> 00:06:34,662
Now I don't have to tell you
what's in that box. (chuckles)
138
00:06:41,842 --> 00:06:44,844
I have your birthday present.
Here we go. Open it right now.
139
00:06:44,879 --> 00:06:47,781
Uh, well, this is a bit of
a shock, 'cause traditionally
140
00:06:47,815 --> 00:06:50,584
You give me my present three weeks
after my birthday... (chuckles)
141
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,419
And even then it's just
a photocopy of something
142
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:54,354
That's shipping
in two more weeks.
143
00:06:54,388 --> 00:06:57,290
Okay. You're not gonna save
the paper. Just open it.
144
00:06:57,325 --> 00:06:58,742
(chuckles)
145
00:06:58,776 --> 00:07:00,227
Aw. You got me...
146
00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:05,331
An old box
that says "Casey" on it.
147
00:07:05,349 --> 00:07:07,567
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
148
00:07:07,602 --> 00:07:09,002
And is locked...
Yeah.
149
00:07:09,036 --> 00:07:10,453
And confuses me.
150
00:07:10,488 --> 00:07:12,505
Well, Casey and I decided
that we wouldn't look
151
00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:14,441
Behind each other's curtains,
and then he said,
152
00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:17,310
"good, because that means
I don't have to show you
153
00:07:17,345 --> 00:07:19,946
What's inside that box."
well, you can't open this.
154
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,848
(chuckles) exactly,
but it's a dilemma,
155
00:07:21,882 --> 00:07:23,850
'cause it's definitely
gonna get opened.
156
00:07:23,884 --> 00:07:26,352
So I was thinking that
maybe you could open it,
157
00:07:26,370 --> 00:07:29,122
And you would just be doing what
people did on their birthdays
158
00:07:29,156 --> 00:07:31,074
For thousands of years.
159
00:07:31,108 --> 00:07:34,194
That's what you lawyers call "precedent.
" are you sure about this?
160
00:07:34,228 --> 00:07:36,763
Come on, Maddie.
I have to know, don't I? (sighs)
161
00:07:36,797 --> 00:07:40,000
I mean, he shocks me
by the stuff he does show me.
162
00:07:40,034 --> 00:07:41,468
Well, all right.
163
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:45,171
We're gonna need, uh,
a knife or a Bobby pin
164
00:07:45,206 --> 00:07:47,140
Or a... Small crowbar.
165
00:07:48,909 --> 00:07:50,877
(lock clicks) oh.
166
00:07:50,911 --> 00:07:52,829
What is it?
(crowbar clatters)
167
00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:54,247
It's a videotape.
168
00:07:54,282 --> 00:07:56,816
What's on it?
169
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:59,686
Right. You have
no way of knowing that.
170
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,121
(chuckles)
171
00:08:01,155 --> 00:08:03,957
Let's watch it?
172
00:08:03,991 --> 00:08:06,643
No. We can't. Can we?
173
00:08:06,677 --> 00:08:09,496
We've come too far. We have
to see this thing through.
174
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:10,930
Let's do this.
175
00:08:10,965 --> 00:08:12,565
Okay.
176
00:08:15,403 --> 00:08:17,354
Wait. What are we doing?
177
00:08:17,388 --> 00:08:19,773
I haven't had a VCR
in nine years.
178
00:08:19,807 --> 00:08:22,325
You gotta help me figure out
what Maddie wants
179
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:24,594
For her birthday.
Why don't you just ask her?
180
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,596
Because she told me
a million times.
181
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,616
If I ask her now, then I'm just
the guy that doesn't listen
182
00:08:29,650 --> 00:08:32,485
To his girlfriend. You are the guy who
doesn't listen to his girlfriend.
183
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,622
But she talks all the time!
Why don't you ask her assistant at work?
184
00:08:35,656 --> 00:08:38,625
Glen? Eh, I don't want to talk
to that guy. He's weird.
185
00:08:38,659 --> 00:08:41,361
And not like you weird.
Bad weird.
186
00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:43,313
Gotcha. I tried fishing
around with Maddie,
187
00:08:43,347 --> 00:08:45,065
But I didn't get anywhere.
188
00:08:45,099 --> 00:08:47,183
Hey, I was just, uh, wondering
189
00:08:47,218 --> 00:08:50,070
How I'm gonna lug that present
of yours up the stairs,
190
00:08:50,104 --> 00:08:51,738
Because it's so heavy?
191
00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:53,873
It's not that heavy.
192
00:08:53,891 --> 00:08:56,242
(chuckles) no. Uh, obviously
the gift isn't heavy.
193
00:08:56,277 --> 00:08:57,711
No, no.
194
00:08:57,745 --> 00:09:00,113
I just meant
the stairs would be heavy
195
00:09:00,147 --> 00:09:03,350
If I ever had to lift them
up your... Gift.
196
00:09:03,384 --> 00:09:05,185
Hey, just, uh, wondering,
197
00:09:05,219 --> 00:09:08,922
Do you want me to put your gift
in a box before I wrap it?
198
00:09:08,989 --> 00:09:12,392
Why would you do that?
It already comes in a Bo
199
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:14,094
Save the environment.
Good call.
200
00:09:14,128 --> 00:09:16,463
It's too bad you didn't
already have your present.
201
00:09:16,497 --> 00:09:19,299
Could've used it
while you were out today.
202
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,201
No, I couldn't.
It's raining.
203
00:09:21,235 --> 00:09:23,002
Of course.
204
00:09:23,037 --> 00:09:26,406
Because it can't get wet.
205
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,808
I know what it is.
It's simple.
206
00:09:28,876 --> 00:09:31,678
She wants a gun.
207
00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:38,718
What?
208
00:09:38,753 --> 00:09:42,455
Not that heavy. Comes in a box.
Can't get wet. Can shoot stuff.
209
00:09:42,490 --> 00:09:44,541
She never said
"shoot stuff."
210
00:09:44,592 --> 00:09:46,493
(chuckles)
no, but she wants to.
211
00:09:46,527 --> 00:09:48,928
Dude, did you see
how she looked at me
212
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,297
When she threw my wigs
on the ground?
213
00:09:51,332 --> 00:09:52,799
(blows air)
214
00:09:56,236 --> 00:09:59,639
We need to use your VCR.
You still have a VCR, right?
215
00:09:59,673 --> 00:10:02,876
Of course. We just had it serviced.
And we need you to leave.
216
00:10:02,910 --> 00:10:05,078
(door closes) we are looking
behind Casey's curtain.
217
00:10:05,112 --> 00:10:07,197
Ooh! This is gonna be good.
(chuckles)
218
00:10:07,248 --> 00:10:10,166
No. No, no. No. No, , Vicky.
I remember the first time
219
00:10:10,217 --> 00:10:12,351
I walked in and saw behind
your mom's curtain.
220
00:10:12,369 --> 00:10:14,888
She was putting on panty hose.
221
00:10:14,922 --> 00:10:18,241
There are some things
you can't UN-see.
222
00:10:18,292 --> 00:10:20,093
You ready?
Yeah.
223
00:10:20,127 --> 00:10:22,061
(VCR clicks)
224
00:10:22,096 --> 00:10:24,614
Klaus ist hier.
Schliessen sie die tur!
225
00:10:24,648 --> 00:10:26,132
(laughter)
226
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,601
What the hell is this?
227
00:10:28,636 --> 00:10:31,704
I think it's a German TV show.
228
00:10:31,739 --> 00:10:34,641
With a laugh track.
It's a comedy.
229
00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:37,010
Germany's weird.
230
00:10:37,044 --> 00:10:40,013
Even their comedies are scary
and oddly threatening.
231
00:10:40,047 --> 00:10:42,882
(rock music playing)
232
00:10:45,252 --> 00:10:47,487
That's Casey's song...
"death love demon."
233
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:50,390
What? Yeah, I heard his band play
it the night we got pregnant.
234
00:10:50,424 --> 00:10:52,859
Oh, sometimes I worry
about that kid in there.
235
00:10:52,893 --> 00:10:54,827
But why... why would
he keep this a secret?
236
00:10:54,845 --> 00:10:57,464
And I can't even ask him
because then he'd know
237
00:10:57,498 --> 00:10:59,399
I looked at the tape.
(VCR whirring)
238
00:10:59,433 --> 00:11:00,867
What are you doing?
239
00:11:00,901 --> 00:11:03,269
Fast-forwarding. There's gotta
be some sex on this tape.
240
00:11:03,304 --> 00:11:05,271
Honestly, it's the only reason
I watched it.
241
00:11:07,174 --> 00:11:08,574
Hey, Glen.
242
00:11:08,592 --> 00:11:10,043
Well, well, well.
243
00:11:10,077 --> 00:11:12,011
If it isn't Ben coles,
244
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:14,981
The "love of Maddie's life."
245
00:11:15,015 --> 00:11:16,950
Why did you use quotes on that?
246
00:11:16,984 --> 00:11:18,618
Why did you?
247
00:11:18,652 --> 00:11:21,154
Okay, look,
I need a little favor.
248
00:11:21,188 --> 00:11:24,090
Yes? Maddie told me what she
wanted for her birthday,
249
00:11:24,124 --> 00:11:26,392
But I can't remember
what it is.
250
00:11:26,427 --> 00:11:29,996
Oh. The movie takes a turn.
What movie is that, Glen?
251
00:11:30,030 --> 00:11:32,899
Well, in romantic comedies,
the girl always dates the jerk
252
00:11:32,933 --> 00:11:35,785
Before realizing that
the guy she's meant to be with
253
00:11:35,836 --> 00:11:37,804
Has been under her nose
the entire time.
254
00:11:37,838 --> 00:11:40,473
And we're all starring
in this movie?
255
00:11:40,507 --> 00:11:43,343
You're bill Pullman.
256
00:11:43,377 --> 00:11:45,478
Don't know what that means.
257
00:11:45,513 --> 00:11:47,847
Listen, can you help me or not?
258
00:11:47,882 --> 00:11:50,283
It not that heavy.
It comes in a box.
259
00:11:50,317 --> 00:11:52,752
Oh, I know what it is,
mr. perfect hair!
260
00:11:52,786 --> 00:11:55,171
And when it becomes clear
that you forgot,
261
00:11:55,206 --> 00:11:58,525
Guess who's going to swoop in
and give it to her? Is it you?
262
00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:00,593
I'm not going to say.
263
00:12:00,628 --> 00:12:02,996
I don't want to give away
the ending.
264
00:12:03,030 --> 00:12:06,199
But I think bill Pullman dies.
265
00:12:10,037 --> 00:12:13,706
You do not have to spend upwards
of $15 on Halloween candy.
266
00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:16,142
These knockoff candies
I got from Chinatown
267
00:12:16,176 --> 00:12:18,912
Are just as good.
(knock on door)
268
00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:21,681
I-I don't know what
the f.D.A.'s problem is.
269
00:12:21,715 --> 00:12:24,033
I know. Who wouldn't enjoy
a delicious twax?
270
00:12:24,068 --> 00:12:26,286
Ah. Mr. And Mrs. Putney,
I need your help.
271
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,338
Maddie has told me,
like, six times
272
00:12:28,389 --> 00:12:30,356
What she wants
for her birthday,
273
00:12:30,390 --> 00:12:34,093
But for the life of me,
I can't remember what it is.
274
00:12:34,127 --> 00:12:36,996
So far, all I know is
that it's not that heavy,
275
00:12:37,031 --> 00:12:39,899
It can't get wet, and it comes
in some sort of packaging.
276
00:12:39,934 --> 00:12:43,303
I got it. An umbrella. An umbrella?
I just said it can't get wet.
277
00:12:43,337 --> 00:12:46,105
I thought you said
it should get wet.
278
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:48,141
What kind of present
should get wet?
279
00:12:48,175 --> 00:12:50,743
A fish should get wet.
Is it a fish?
280
00:12:50,778 --> 00:12:53,680
Why don't you get her
a new couch? Your couch sucks.
281
00:12:53,714 --> 00:12:56,783
Oh. (laughing)
(laughing)
282
00:12:58,586 --> 00:13:00,987
I, uh, I don't mean to offend,
283
00:13:01,021 --> 00:13:04,207
But how much have you had
to drink tonight?
284
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,659
You know, here's something
that might help.
285
00:13:06,693 --> 00:13:09,262
Uh, we got Maddie a briefcase,
and she said
286
00:13:09,296 --> 00:13:12,282
It would go really well
with the present you got her.
287
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:15,835
Goes well with a briefcase.
Not that heavy.
288
00:13:15,869 --> 00:13:18,271
Comes in a box.
Can't get wet.
289
00:13:18,305 --> 00:13:21,574
Six.
290
00:13:21,609 --> 00:13:23,042
I'm sorry. What?
291
00:13:23,077 --> 00:13:25,411
You asked me how much
I've had to drink,
292
00:13:25,446 --> 00:13:28,881
And the answer is six.
293
00:13:28,916 --> 00:13:31,784
We've got to find something that
explains the German TV show.
294
00:13:31,819 --> 00:13:34,187
Did he live in Germany?
Are his parents German?
295
00:13:34,221 --> 00:13:36,789
Why is he hiding this?
296
00:13:36,823 --> 00:13:39,726
I think I've got it.
I just found a fake passport...
297
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,495
In the name
of "Casey Davenport."
298
00:13:42,529 --> 00:13:45,031
That's not fake.
That's his last name. Is it?
299
00:13:45,065 --> 00:13:47,066
Yeah. You didn't know that?
300
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,235
No. Oh. Mia Davenport.
That sounds good.
301
00:13:49,269 --> 00:13:51,654
I know. I'm really excited.
(chuckles) (chuckles)
302
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:53,156
Hey, guys.
Hey, honey.
303
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:56,209
Hi. Watch this.
I can get him to admit it,
304
00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:58,444
And he'll never know
you watched the tape.
305
00:13:58,479 --> 00:13:59,946
Great.
306
00:13:59,980 --> 00:14:02,515
So, Casey...
307
00:14:02,549 --> 00:14:04,017
(chuckles)
308
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:07,020
I was just telling Mia
that my favorite thing to do
309
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:10,390
When I'm in Europe is to
watch foreign TV. (chuckles)
310
00:14:10,424 --> 00:14:13,226
You watched my tape.
311
00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:15,862
Okay. I'm gonna go.
312
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:17,296
Sorry, buddy.
313
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:26,564
Look, I know I shouldn't have
opened the box and I shouldn't
314
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,350
Have looked at the tape, but I have to know, what is it?
It's the number one sitcom in Germany.
315
00:14:29,385 --> 00:14:32,170
It's called
"ein perfektes paar."
316
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,706
They use our song as their theme song.
That seems really cool. Why is it a secret?
317
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:37,725
It's the most shameful moment of
my life... the moment I sold out.
318
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,728
You got paid for that? Yeah, a lot.
I get a check every month.
319
00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:43,097
How did you think I made money?
320
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,967
I don't know, but I have
been too afraid to ask,
321
00:14:46,001 --> 00:14:50,271
T that is really good news. No, it's terrible.
I can't believe you watched that.
322
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,140
You betrayed me,
and you look amazing,
323
00:14:52,174 --> 00:14:54,442
And I am really mad at you
right now.
324
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:56,878
But what was that ddle thing
you just said?
325
00:14:56,912 --> 00:14:58,746
I said you look amazing.
(chuckles)
326
00:14:58,781 --> 00:15:00,632
But I am still mad!
327
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:03,451
It's lessened a little
by how adorable you are,
328
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,537
But it is still there, sister!
329
00:15:07,790 --> 00:15:10,875
Hey, Happy Birthday, sweetie. What cor is that bag, dad?
Is it pink or is it orange?
330
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,794
Because orange is
a Halloween color!
331
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,679
No. It's something
called "coral."
332
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:17,215
That... that's not Halloween.
That's... that's the ocean.
333
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:21,269
You... you can't be mad at
the ocean, baby. (chuckles)
334
00:15:21,303 --> 00:15:23,338
I sold out.
335
00:15:23,372 --> 00:15:26,241
I traded my soul for
the almighty deutsche mark.
336
00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:28,509
I did the same thing.
337
00:15:28,544 --> 00:15:30,912
My heart was always
in human resources,
338
00:15:30,946 --> 00:15:33,748
But they were paying 32 cents an
hour more in legal... (sighs)
339
00:15:33,782 --> 00:15:36,784
So I, too, went
for the big money grab.
340
00:15:36,819 --> 00:15:38,686
So how do you know Maddie?
341
00:15:38,721 --> 00:15:41,489
I'm going to marry her.
342
00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:42,924
All right.
343
00:15:42,958 --> 00:15:45,426
Good talk, crazy dude.
344
00:15:45,461 --> 00:15:48,029
Hey. So are you
still mad at me?
345
00:15:48,063 --> 00:15:50,398
Mm... Yep.
I've apologized over and over.
346
00:15:50,432 --> 00:15:53,234
I mean, what more
do you want me to do?
347
00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:56,037
If I think of something,
I'll put it in a box
348
00:15:56,071 --> 00:15:58,756
And tell you not to look in it.
349
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,209
So you, uh, you figure out
that present yet?
350
00:16:01,243 --> 00:16:04,145
No. All I heard was that
it goes well with a briefcase,
351
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:07,382
Isn't that heavy,
comes in a box, can't get wet.
352
00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:09,701
I'm dead.
353
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,753
Come on. Come here.
Come here!
354
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:16,157
I am gonna let you in
on a husband trick,
355
00:16:16,191 --> 00:16:18,276
And I really shouldn't do this,
356
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,995
Because you're not
technically a husband,
357
00:16:21,030 --> 00:16:23,831
So don't tell anybody.
If you ever forget a present,
358
00:16:23,866 --> 00:16:27,168
An anniversary, or mess up in
any way, here is what you do...
359
00:16:27,202 --> 00:16:29,120
You go big.
I'll go big.
360
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,072
Get her a diamond.
Women love 'em.
361
00:16:31,106 --> 00:16:33,474
Diamonds forgive anything!
All right. I got a guy.
362
00:16:33,509 --> 00:16:35,843
He stays open late especially
for situations like yours.
363
00:16:35,878 --> 00:16:37,812
And, Ben, whatever you do...
364
00:16:37,846 --> 00:16:40,064
Use my name. I get
a discount for referrals.
365
00:16:40,115 --> 00:16:42,583
Are you sure
this is gonna work?
366
00:16:42,618 --> 00:16:45,753
(scoffs) you think
Vicky got that bracelet
367
00:16:45,788 --> 00:16:48,623
Because she wanted it? No!
She got that because I snuck off
368
00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:51,125
To Murphy's bar to watch
a giants play-off game
369
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,027
While she was giving birth
to Mia.
370
00:16:53,062 --> 00:16:55,797
Well, shouldn't you have
been watching Maddie?
371
00:16:55,831 --> 00:16:58,049
That's why
she got the bracelet!
372
00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:02,804
Hi. I need your help.
I'm in big trouble here.
373
00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:05,690
My girlfriend told me
what she...
374
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:08,409
Okay. Slow down, buddy. What happened?
Did you cheat on her? What?! No.
375
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,812
So no affair? That's gonna
save you some money.
376
00:17:10,846 --> 00:17:13,181
Did she find you watching porn?
377
00:17:13,215 --> 00:17:16,351
No, I don't do that.
378
00:17:16,385 --> 00:17:17,819
Of course. Nobody does.
379
00:17:17,853 --> 00:17:20,521
Why don't I just tell you
what I did?
380
00:17:20,556 --> 00:17:23,424
My girlfriend told me what she
wanted for her birthday, like,
381
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,426
A hundred times,
but I-I didn't listen.
382
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:27,578
Oh. That's disgusting.
383
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:30,398
Joel putney referred me.
I need to go big.
384
00:17:30,432 --> 00:17:32,166
Mia?
385
00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:34,218
Hey, Ben.
386
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:36,237
Hey, Maddi mm?
387
00:17:36,271 --> 00:17:39,607
You wanna open my present? Oh.
Maybe we should wait for Ben.
388
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:42,043
Oh, my God.
389
00:17:42,077 --> 00:17:44,378
Did anyone see where Ben went?
390
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,915
I'm right here, Maddie.
391
00:17:47,950 --> 00:17:49,450
Movie's almost over, Ben.
392
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,052
It sure is, Glen.
393
00:17:51,086 --> 00:17:54,055
Maddie, you know
how much I love you.
394
00:17:54,089 --> 00:17:56,157
(Joel and Vicky gasp)
395
00:17:56,191 --> 00:17:59,193
Oh, calm down.
It's not an engagement ring. Ohh.
396
00:17:59,228 --> 00:18:01,562
I know this is not
what you asked for,
397
00:18:01,597 --> 00:18:03,865
But it is what you deserve.
398
00:18:03,899 --> 00:18:06,934
I love you.
Happy Birthday.
399
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:11,589
Oh! (laughs)
a diamond necklace!
400
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:13,341
Oh, it's so beautiful!
401
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:16,978
Ohh! Thank you so much.
This is way better than an...
402
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:20,481
An ipad!
403
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:23,368
You wanted an ipad.
(chuckles)
404
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:26,287
Well, not anymore. It's just
a giant iphone anyway. (laughs)
405
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:27,855
(chuckles) aw.
406
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:31,225
Roll credits, bitch.
407
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,698
Hey. Can I talk to you
for a second?
408
00:18:37,732 --> 00:18:39,200
All right.
409
00:18:39,234 --> 00:18:41,602
Look, I'm really sorry
about what happened,
410
00:18:41,637 --> 00:18:44,939
And to show you how sorry,
I got you something.
411
00:18:44,973 --> 00:18:48,409
You can't just buy my forgiveness with a present.
It's a diamond earring.
412
00:18:48,443 --> 00:18:50,845
Really?
413
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,313
(whispers) wow.
414
00:18:52,347 --> 00:18:53,815
Yeah.
415
00:18:53,849 --> 00:18:56,651
How many karats is it?
Do you know a lot about karats?
416
00:18:56,685 --> 00:18:58,719
No.
It's 12.
417
00:18:58,754 --> 00:19:00,822
Cool.
418
00:19:00,856 --> 00:19:03,191
Look, I realize the curtains
were a terrible idea.
419
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,626
I want to know everything
about you...
420
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:08,229
The good, the bad, the German.
(chuckles)
421
00:19:08,263 --> 00:19:11,099
I love you so much that
nothing you could show me
422
00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:13,534
Could make me love you less.
Okay.
423
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,003
So no more curtains.
I want to know everything.
424
00:19:16,038 --> 00:19:17,972
Okay.
Let's get it all out.
425
00:19:18,006 --> 00:19:20,908
All right. Um, well, I wake up
20 minutes before you think I do
426
00:19:20,943 --> 00:19:23,678
To brush my teeth
so I don't have morning breath.
427
00:19:23,712 --> 00:19:25,947
I bite my toenails.
428
00:19:25,981 --> 00:19:29,283
Wow.
429
00:19:29,318 --> 00:19:32,453
Okay.
430
00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:35,823
I still love you.
431
00:19:35,858 --> 00:19:37,825
I can't remember
your middle name.
432
00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:39,494
It's John.
(chuckles)
433
00:19:39,528 --> 00:19:42,497
I didn't start going
to school till I was 12.
434
00:19:42,531 --> 00:19:45,750
I sucked my thumb
until I was 13.
435
00:19:45,801 --> 00:19:47,768
I lied about my middle name.
436
00:19:47,803 --> 00:19:50,104
It's Marion.
437
00:19:50,139 --> 00:19:52,106
Well, I still love you,
438
00:19:52,141 --> 00:19:54,592
Casey Marion Davenport.
439
00:19:58,837 --> 00:20:00,221
Dad, you have so much
440
00:20:00,255 --> 00:20:03,774
Of this knockoff Halloween candy
leftover. Did no one want it?
441
00:20:03,809 --> 00:20:05,977
No. You know, kids nowadays...
they're so ungrateful.
442
00:20:09,047 --> 00:20:10,932
That had chocolate in it. In my day, we
would've been to be fair, get anything
443
00:20:10,983 --> 00:20:13,551
This almond boy doesn't have
any chocolate in it.
444
00:20:13,585 --> 00:20:15,886
Oh, and f.Y.I.,
the second ingredient is cotton.
445
00:20:15,921 --> 00:20:18,489
(mouth full) you should try
the sour patch men
446
00:20:18,523 --> 00:20:19,957
With the Ross's pieces.
447
00:20:19,992 --> 00:20:23,194
They make a foam.
448
00:20:23,228 --> 00:20:25,696
These, uh, tac tacs are
actually, um,
449
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:28,633
Quite minty and refreshing.
Mm.
450
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:30,901
Oh. Now they're...
They're gettin' warm.
451
00:20:30,936 --> 00:20:33,237
Now they're hot.
452
00:20:33,255 --> 00:20:34,672
Burning my mouth.
453
00:20:34,706 --> 00:20:37,241
Oh, God. It hurts.
I need ice.
454
00:20:37,259 --> 00:20:39,744
I need ice!
455
00:20:39,778 --> 00:20:42,296
(normal voice)
how much to finish all this?
456
00:20:42,347 --> 00:20:45,349
, honey. Don't do it.
This candy is not safe.
457
00:20:45,384 --> 00:20:46,851
It'll make you sick.
458
00:20:46,885 --> 00:20:49,186
I'll give you 20 bucks.
459
00:20:49,221 --> 00:20:50,955
I'm in for 50.
460
00:20:50,989 --> 00:20:55,109
I'll throw in 20.
461
00:20:57,843 --> 00:21:01,000
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