1
00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:07,357
- What are you doing?
- Shush. Shush.
2
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:09,317
One of the smoke alarms is chirping.
3
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,312
I'm trying to figure out which one it is
so I can change the battery.
4
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:16,234
- Well, if anybody can find it...
- it's you.
5
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,754
You sound horrible.
6
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,990
Why don't, uh...
Why don't you go back to bed?
7
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:22,672
'Cause I've got too much to do.
8
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:24,478
I've gotta make the ladyfingers
for the bake sale...
9
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,152
and I've gotta go by the gym.
10
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,310
- I left my phone there yesterday.
- I'll do all of that.
11
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,676
We're a team. When one of us is weak,
we lean on the other.
12
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,239
Honey, you don't have to do that stuff.
13
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,197
Honey, with all you do for me...
14
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:38,875
including going to the gym
four times a week to keep me interested...
15
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,473
I got this.
16
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,312
Don't you have houses to show today?
17
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:43,833
They... canceled.
18
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,353
Oh, pumpkin.
19
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,351
Are you kidding me? It's lucky.
20
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,396
This way I get to stay here
and take care of you.
21
00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:51,789
Okay.
22
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,876
- Hey.
- Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Dunphy. Is Haley ready for school?
23
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,349
She's on her way down.
Don't get too close to my wife.
24
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,829
Haley told you about that?
It was just a dream.
25
00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:03,035
Oh, God.
26
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,114
- Okay, that came from the kitchen.
- I thought it was in here.
27
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,634
Really? Okay, you wait in here
and listen for it.
28
00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,153
I'm gonna wait in there.
29
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,516
I mean, it's the least I can do after...
Well, you know.
30
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,636
I'm coming with you.
31
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,720
Boy, I wish Haley
would date some other boys.
32
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,109
What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson?
33
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,679
Don't.
34
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,354
I just feel like she owes it
to herself to see what else is out there.
35
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,351
The way that Dylan's
always hanging around here...
36
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,557
he's probably going to try
to marry her the second she turns 18.
37
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:37,757
Hey, you never know. Maybe those two
are meant to be together...
38
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,193
Like we were.
39
00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,840
Honey, Haley and Dylan are not us.
40
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,116
No, I think that amount will be fine.
41
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,589
I'm just happy you want Lily.
42
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,274
I think you're going to be
very happy with her.
43
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,873
Okay.
44
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,357
Cam, did you just sell our baby?
45
00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,512
No, but do you remember that agent
we met that represents child actors...
46
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,433
the one who said Lily might have what it
takes and gave us his card?
47
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,557
- That I threw away.
- That I fished out of the trash.
48
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,438
That was him on the phone.
49
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:10,193
They're shooting a children's furniture
store commercial today...
50
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:11,838
and they want Lily.
51
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:13,433
Look, I threw away that card for a reason.
52
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,796
Come on. It'll be fun.
And Lily'll be on TV.
53
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,075
And we can put the money
in her college account.
54
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,072
No. Let's just let our daughter
have a normal childhood, huh?
55
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:25,038
I think that gay cruise has sailed.
56
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:26,712
It's just one commercial.
57
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,917
I don't like it. No. No.
58
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,558
Oh, what? So that's it?
59
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:33,835
You're the parent with final say?
Why is that?
60
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:36,434
- Because you make the money?
- It's not about that, and you know it.
61
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,353
I wouldn't expect you to understand us.
You're not theater folk.
62
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,954
And neither are you.
You did Godspell one summer in a barn.
63
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,519
You're barn folk.
64
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,431
Get used to that jealousy, Lily.
65
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,511
Ordinary people just don't understand us.
66
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,315
Dennis to Shipping and Receiving.
67
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,799
Hola, Jack.
68
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,552
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
69
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:57,871
Manny had a doctor's appointment
so we're gonna catch lunch with Jay.
70
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,757
- Is he there?
- Yeah, he's in back.
71
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,035
- Good day, Jackson.
- Good day, Manuel.
72
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,873
- I see you're still forklifting.
- More like lifting the fork.
73
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,871
Man. I was gonna say that joke.
74
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:10,236
I'm sorry, but I gotta
have lunch with my wife today.
75
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,437
I know, baby, but I had to marry her
so she could stay in the country.
76
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:14,919
Oh, no.
77
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,072
Where am I gonna find another husband
that wears sweatpants to work?
78
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,516
- Resort wear.
- Mm-hmm. Maybe last resort.
79
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,591
I'm glad you guys stopped by for lunch,
'cause you know what?
80
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,989
- I gotta work a little late tonight.
- Oh, not tonight.
81
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,911
Did you forget our date?
82
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,230
No. No. I was kidding.
83
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,117
I had no idea what she was talking about.
84
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,599
Gloria, God love her...
85
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,275
likes to celebrate every possible
milestone in our relationship...
86
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,793
the day we met...
87
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:42,919
our first date... which I forgot,
so we got in a big fight.
88
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,991
Now we commemorate the big fight.
89
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:46,832
I thought we could recreate the date.
90
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:50,833
Do everything that we did the first time.
So romantic.
91
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,878
You know, that's exactly what I was thinking.
92
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,315
Ay, Jack is so nice.
93
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,992
I think he really likes Manny.
94
00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,718
What he likes is getting out of work.
95
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,270
- Wait a minute... Is that Manny driving?
- Is it?
96
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,032
Yeah, that's him.
97
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,591
♪ Hey, hey ♪
98
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,511
♪ Hey, hey ♪
99
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,477
♪ Hey, hey ♪
100
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,357
♪ Hey, hey ♪
101
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:19,509
♪ Hey ♪♪.
102
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,070
Ay, my poor papi...
103
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,833
- Two doctors in one day.
- Mom, I'm fine.
104
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,638
The hospital said
I could go back to school.
105
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,473
No. You suffered a traumatic experience.
106
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:33,118
I barely remember it.
107
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,792
I remember crashing through the wall...
108
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,313
and the ambulance ride to the hospital.
109
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,833
That wasn't an ambulance. I drove you.
110
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,751
- Then what was that siren?
- That was your mother.
111
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:42,798
- I was not that loud.
- Cars pulled over, honey.
112
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,678
- Jay, I'm sorry about your wall.
- Wasn't your fault.
113
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,796
It was Jack's,
and I've already taken care of him.
114
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,872
- You kill him?
- Can't kill people here. I fired him.
115
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,428
But it was just an accident.
He didn't mean it.
116
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,636
Guy's a screw-up.
Should've been gone months ago.
117
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,075
- Can't we just give him another chance?
- What is this "we"?
118
00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:59,752
Let me explain something to you people.
119
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,513
Here in this family, it's "we."
At work, it's "me."
120
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,592
My rules, my decisions. Period.
121
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,318
That's not fair.
122
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:12,229
- You mad at me too?
- No. You're right.
123
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,231
It's your work.
124
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:18,393
Besides, I can't be mad at you,
not on our special day.
125
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,638
Honey, I was thinking.
126
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,199
With what happened to Manny...
127
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,829
maybe we'd better postpone
our special day until next weekend.
128
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,309
No, next weekend is the anniversary...
129
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,152
of the first time that I cooked for you.
130
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,751
Jesse, I'm sorry.
131
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,558
How you doin', Typhoid Clairey?
132
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,710
Hey, what are you doing home?
133
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,552
She caught your cold
and had to come home.
134
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,598
I thought we should contain you two and
keep it from spreading through the house.
135
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,557
Come here. I'm so sorry.
136
00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,232
- It's okay.
- Ohh.
137
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,788
- Hey, did you finish my ladyfingers?
- Not yet.
138
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,871
- Did you pick up my phone?
- Not yet. -
139
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,871
Is that the smoke detector?
I thought you fixed that.
140
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:58,032
- Boy, you're really starting to
sound like your old self. - Ugh.
141
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,511
- You know what this reminds me of?
- Huh?
142
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,797
When you were little and we used to
snuggle and watch soap operas together.
143
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,472
Remember that? Nothing's changed.
144
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,790
Sonya's still married to that guy with the...
145
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,871
- Wait a second.
- Bad hairline.
146
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,393
- Dylan?
- Okay.
147
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,755
God, I miss you too.
148
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,916
Oh, it's just a cold, silly.
149
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,309
You don't have to conceive
of a world without me.
150
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,997
Oh, nothing.
I'm just in bed with my mom.
151
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,878
Stop freaking out. It is not coming true.
152
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,159
Uh, Mrs. Vaughn, it's Phil Dunphy.
It's about 3:30.
153
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,992
Uh, now, I know you said
you'd moved on...
154
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,719
but, um, there's been
a significant price reduction...
155
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:48,190
in the, uh, house in Sullivan Canyon,
which I know you loved.
156
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,919
So, uh, if there's any chance
you might reconsider...
157
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,752
I know you will not be sorry.
158
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,910
I can meet you any time,
so just give me a call.
159
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,514
Any... Any time. I can meet you wherever...
160
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,273
- - that place
is that you feel would be best.
161
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,396
Okay, thank you. Bye.
162
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,948
- Dad?
- Hey, buddy.
163
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,393
How are you? What are you doing?
164
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,118
Keeping the germs off me.
165
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:11,158
You care about germs?
I've seen you kiss a pigeon on the mouth.
166
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,435
My class is going
to Disneyland in two days.
167
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:14,999
I can't get Mom's cold.
168
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,718
Oh. Good plan.
169
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,997
I remember this. My dad bought it during
the Cuban Missile Crisis.
170
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,799
- I never got a turn in that. You think later I could...
- Yeah, maybe.
171
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:24,438
What are you doing home
in the afternoon?
172
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:28,115
Oh, no big deal. I just had a couple
of showings fall through.
173
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,668
- Again?
- You know what I always say.
174
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,752
Sure do. "Can't get back on that horse
unless you fall off."
175
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,070
- That's right.
- Ow. That's loud.
176
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:37,275
Sorry.
177
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,158
Where is that coming from?
178
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,676
Changing the battery in a smoke detector
is what they teach you in Man 101...
179
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,399
so, of course, every time
I hear that noise, all I hear is...
180
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,630
"Beep, beep. You're not a man.
Beep, beep. You're not"...
181
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:50,472
Really?
182
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,795
Hey, Dad, can you open this for me?
183
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,472
Oh, sure, buddy.
184
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,993
Ow. Mmm.
185
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,116
- What happened?
- Broke a nail.
186
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,438
- Mitchell, what's up?
- What do you mean?
187
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,636
You just sent me an urgent text
saying to come right over.
188
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,359
That was from me. I used Jay's phone.
189
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,839
Oh, what happened to your face?
190
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,592
Oh, just a little scrape-up.
191
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,875
Mitchell, I'd like
to engage your legal services...
192
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,111
in representing my friend Jack
in a wrongful termination suit.
193
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,713
Forget it. He's not coming back.
194
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,074
Don't take the case, Mitchell.
195
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,754
I don't think I was gonna take the case.
196
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:29,277
Fine. Then under the circumstances,
we have nothing further to talk about.
197
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,351
These will be my last words to you.
198
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,192
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
199
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,832
Okay, you got me.
200
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,992
I hope you feel clever tricking a kid.
201
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,435
- Hello, Mitch.
- Hi, Gloria.
202
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,192
My God. Congratulations.
203
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,748
- Hmm? On what?
- Lily's commercial.
204
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,876
- Oh no, no. We turned that down.
- Are you sure?
205
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,599
Because Cam sent me a picture
of her in her makeup chair.
206
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,478
- Sorry. He what?
- It's so exciting.
207
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,836
You have to remember this day
so that you can celebrate it every year.
208
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,830
Okay, folks,
we're about 10 minutes from shooting.
209
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,150
- Is talent ready?
- Yes, she sure is.
210
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,959
Did you hear that, Lily?
You're the talent.
211
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,792
Isn't that magical?
212
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,871
Ooh. Grapes.
213
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,520
Mmm. And that is a prop.
214
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,672
Okay, we really gotta hang up this time.
On the count of three.
215
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:21,038
Ready? One, two, three.
216
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,238
Hello? I can't believe he hung up.
217
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,880
- I'm calling him back.
- Give me that.
218
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,355
How the hell
did you get through that?
219
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,078
Oh, my God, is that Jesse?
220
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,832
Mm-hmm. And he's still married to Angie.
221
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,317
You know something else
you might find interesting...
222
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:44,871
Sonya is drinking because she married
a buffoon when she was young...
223
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,509
and now she realizes
she's wasted her entire life.
224
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:52,120
Can you imagine
making a mistake like that?
225
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,395
Yeah, that must be horrible.
226
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:59,429
Yeah, now she's just a bitter ghost
of a woman filled with resentment.
227
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:03,638
But that's what happens when you commit to
someone before you see what else is out there.
228
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,115
Seriously?
229
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,918
She couldn't have laid it on thicker.
230
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,797
"Ghost of a woman"? "Total buffoon"?
231
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,438
I'm not an idiot.
232
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,556
She was talking about her and my dad.
233
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:19,839
Yeah, well, maybe Sonya and her husband
just need to work a little harder.
234
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:23,390
Can he give her those years back?
235
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,755
She could have been something.
236
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:29,913
She could have traveled the world,
been with fascinating men.
237
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,195
She could have accomplished things.
238
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,633
That's all she thinks about now...
239
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,950
every time she looks at him.
240
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,232
Ah! Ow.
241
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,633
Is that Mom's apron?
242
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,431
It's an apron. It's unisex.
243
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,078
Some of the world's
greatest chefs are men.
244
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:55,673
But it's bumped out where the boobs go.
245
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,513
That's happening more and more.
246
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,636
Hadn't noticed.
247
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:05,518
Mrs. Vaughn. Thanks for calling back.
248
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,511
Yeah, I was just about to, uh...
249
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:14,553
I see. Is there anything
I can say that will...
250
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,596
All right. Thank you very much, and if...
251
00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:18,716
Oh. Okay. Good-bye.
252
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,432
Did you lose another one?
253
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,432
Hey. Can't lose something
you never had, right, pal?
254
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,752
- That was the doorbell, Dad.
- Yeah. I know.
255
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,828
So what happens
if people stop buying houses?
256
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,638
Are we all gonna have to get jobs?
257
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,075
It's just a little slump, buddy.
Nothing I can't handle.
258
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,517
Hi. I'm Ron.
I work out with Claire at the gym.
259
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,079
Oh, yeah. Come on in.
260
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,390
- I brought her phone back. She forgot it yesterday.
- Great. Thanks.
261
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,072
- I'm Phil, Claire's husband.
- Oh.
262
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,798
Uh, Claire never mentioned
she had a husband.
263
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,999
- Nice to meet you.
- You too.
264
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,672
Oh, sorry! I burnt my ladyfingers.
265
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,874
So quiet.
266
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:06,190
It's like Christian Silence Reading Room.
267
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,794
- I'm fine.
- So am I.
268
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,394
Okay, my two stubborn burros,
I'm going out.
269
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,198
Manny, be a good boy.
270
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,840
Jay, I'll see you later.
271
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,911
I think you know where.
272
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,592
Honey?
273
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:22,035
You know what I was just thinking?
274
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,678
You know how when people are in love...
275
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,591
sometimes they finish
each ether's sentences?
276
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,796
Like, um...
277
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,633
tonight we're going to...
278
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,280
- Have fun.
- Yes.
279
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,271
When we get to...
280
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,191
Gether later.
281
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,555
You have no idea
where you're going, do you?
282
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,312
- Tell me.
- Hire Jack back.
283
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:47,992
- Forget it.
- Your funeral.
284
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,631
Okay, Lily, Daddy's going
to be right over here. Okay.
285
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,711
Oh, and, um, by the way, if it helps...
286
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,472
I have a list of things Lily can do.
287
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,472
She can blow a kiss,
flap her arms like a bird...
288
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,596
- Thank you. I'll keep that in mind.
- Okay.
289
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,752
- Cam. Cam.
- How did you get on the set?
290
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,832
I walked on. It's not MGM.
It's a warehouse behind a mattress store.
291
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,718
I can't believe you went
behind my back. We agreed...
292
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,075
We didn't agree on anything.
You agreed.
293
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,559
We don't have to agree on everything.
294
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,358
I didn't like the book
you bought her last week...
295
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,954
- but I didn't stop you from reading it to her.
- What was wrong with it?
296
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:22,032
How was it a big day for Biscuit, Mitchell?
How?
297
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,678
Okay, this isn't about Biscuit.
298
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,193
I know. It's about our daughter, Lily.
299
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:27,111
No, you want the truth?
I think it's about you, Cam.
300
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,556
I think you're using our daughter to
fulfill some childhood dream of yours.
301
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,871
Okay, parents,
we're ready to start rolling.
302
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,791
Now, while we're doing the shoot...
303
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,996
Jim and Deb here will do
the kids' voice-overs into the mic.
304
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,513
Kinda like Look Who's Talking.
305
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,431
Oh. That's right.
306
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,988
There are a lot of important people here
so I'm not gonna get mad...
307
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,548
but I resent the implication
that I would do anything...
308
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,949
that's not in the best interest of our daughter.
309
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,918
Okay, let's try a take. And... action.
310
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:56,630
- Oh, no!
- We are lost in a city of high furniture prices.
311
00:13:56,720 --> 00:14:00,269
Oh! Can no one
protect us from these high prices?
312
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:01,270
Cut.
313
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,396
Lighting problem. One sec.
314
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,311
You can apologize to me
any time you're ready.
315
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,118
- Are you kidding me?
- What?
316
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,111
This commercial...
It's-it's a big stereotype.
317
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,758
- It's called "ironic."
- No, it...
318
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,432
This is why Lily was perfect. She's Asian.
319
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,112
- She's a prop.
- It's called "niche casting."
320
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,758
Stop telling me what stuff is called.
321
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,877
You're so blinded by the spotlight,
you can't see what's really going on here.
322
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,154
Let's go again.
323
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,674
All right, here we go. Let's roll, please.
324
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,557
- Action.
- Oh, no!
325
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,996
We are trapped in a city
of high furniture prices.
326
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:32,073
Oh! Can no one protect us
from these high prices?
327
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:36,199
- Look. Over there.
- Oh!
328
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,396
It's Save-zilla.
329
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:42,758
He's knocking down
prices on everything from bibs to cribs.
330
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,593
- Half off on playpens.
- Ah!
331
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,477
High chairs are low chairs.
332
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,118
Excuse me. Excuse me.
333
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,839
- Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Cut. What's the problem?
334
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,117
Don't you think this commercial just might
be the teeniest bit racist?
335
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,111
I mean, "Save-zilla"?
336
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,997
It's not racist. It's satire.
337
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,548
No, I know, but maybe we could
just tone it down a bit.
338
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:03,119
Maybe not hit the accent so hard?
339
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,872
This is the commercial you agreed to.
340
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,871
Yeah, well, I know. I just...
341
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,428
- I can't let my daughter do this.
- We had an agreement.
342
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,910
Well, I also have the best attorney in
town, so do your worst.
343
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,719
And by the way,
Lily is Vietnamese, not Japanese.
344
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,711
There's a big difference,
but you wouldn't know that...
345
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,791
because you're only interested
in seeing these children...
346
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:23,031
as interchangeable stereotypes,
not human beings.
347
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,429
Come on, Lily. Let's go.
348
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,590
Cam?
349
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,113
Cam. That's not...
350
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,838
Hi, buddy.
351
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,679
There we go.
352
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:35,800
Goin' to meet your mother.
353
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,711
Goin' to meet your mother.
354
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,995
Figured it out all by myself.
355
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:41,911
Two years ago,
we got our marriage license.
356
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,513
We went to a little hot dog stand.
357
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,512
She said it was the most romantic meal
she ever had in her life.
358
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,517
That's it, isn't it?
359
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,033
Yeah, that's it.
360
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,152
Get this through your head: You can give me
the cold shoulder the rest of your life...
361
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,673
Jack's not coming back.
362
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,637
See, I could overlook the goofing off...
363
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,358
but you could have been
seriously hurt today.
364
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,876
Anybody puts my kid in danger
doesn't get a second chance.
365
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,678
Ever.
366
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,512
I'll see you later.
367
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,799
Did you just call me your kid?
368
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,598
Oh, geez.
369
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,671
- You've never said that before.
- Sure, I have.
370
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,512
Uh-uh.
371
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,955
Well, of course you're my kid.
I mean, what do you think?
372
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,233
- You're going to the wrong place.
- What?
373
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,833
It's not your wedding license.
374
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,353
- What is it?
- First kiss.
375
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:28,919
No. Just tell me.
376
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,753
I mean your first kiss with my mom.
377
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,875
My God, you're right. Thanks.
378
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,870
- The pier.
- Thanks.
379
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,712
But maybe Sonya didn't make a mistake.
380
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,950
Maybe she just met her soul mate
when she was young.
381
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,998
No. No, no, no. That never happens.
382
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,548
See, she threw her life away,
and now she wants out.
383
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,039
Okay, let's cut the crap.
384
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,351
We're not talking about some character
on a soap opera here, are we?
385
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,432
No. No, we're not.
386
00:16:58,520 --> 00:16:59,999
Honey, I'm sorry.
387
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,593
I don't want to hurt your feelings...
388
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:06,231
but I've been feeling this way
for a really long time, and...
389
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,709
Can we be honest with each other?
390
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,995
He's kind of a doofus.
391
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,832
I guess, but...
392
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,956
I thought you liked that about him.
393
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,918
Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. No, I never did.
394
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:23,429
Believe me, honey,
there are many better options out there.
395
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,590
- Like who?
- I don't know.
396
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,079
Off the top of my head...
397
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,230
how about that cute guy
who delivers the pizzas?
398
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:30,753
He's, like, 18!
399
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,319
So?
400
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,198
Don't mind me, ladies.
This is the last one.
401
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,909
I've changed the batteries
in every last smoke detector in the house.
402
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:44,309
Hey, Dad, I think I found a place online
where I can sell this organ.
403
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:45,913
Can you drive me to the black market?
404
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,036
I think they mean
a different kind of organ, buddy.
405
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,553
Sweetie, why are you trying to sell that?
406
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,915
In case things with Dad's job
get even worse.
407
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,549
Honestly, I don't know why
everybody's making such a big deal.
408
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:56,868
Everything's fine.
409
00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,669
It makes no sense! I changed every one.
410
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,149
- I'm gonna call my dad.
- No. We're not calling anyone.
411
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,673
I can handle this.
412
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,479
Just need the ol' burglar basher.
413
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,790
Is that your college cheerleading baton?
414
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,599
Not when you're on the business end of it.
415
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,671
But Phil...
416
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,990
Oh! Oh, my God.
417
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,957
Guess that one won't be chirping
anymore, will it?
418
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,439
Honey...
419
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,637
- Go after him.
- Oh, no. He just needs to blow off some steam.
420
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,756
How's that for battery?
421
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,751
Mom, like it or not,
you made a commitment.
422
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,070
And maybe that doesn't mean
anything to you anymore...
423
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,435
but you owe it to this family
to save your marriage...
424
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,273
- and give it one more try.
- What?
425
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,999
End o' the line, Smoky Joe.
426
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:42,790
Look, Dad may be a doofus, but he is 10
times better than any pizza delivery boy.
427
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,438
Go to him.
428
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:48,115
- Did you...
- I just detected your ass getting kicked!
429
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,953
Okay. Honey...
430
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,678
Thought I forgot about you, didn't ya?
431
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,796
- Nope.
- Phil, no. Stop.
432
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,599
- I gotta stop the damn chirping.
- This isn't about the noise.
433
00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,558
Sweetie, you're having a bad day.
434
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,668
- At the end of a bad month.
- I know.
435
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,318
You know how scary that is, Claire?
436
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,550
No. No, I don't...
437
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,392
because you never tell me the bad stuff.
438
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,198
You only share all the good stuff.
439
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,032
Honey, what happened
to us being a team?
440
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,111
Right? We're supposed
to lean on each other.
441
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,758
Honey...
442
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,831
I have faith in you.
443
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,113
Mmm.
444
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,878
- I must be catching your cold.
- Mm-hmm.
445
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,592
Okay. You know what?
446
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,148
Let's just get new smoke detectors.
447
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,878
We already changed 'em out last year.
448
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,315
- Remember, buddy? You helped me.
- Sure did.
449
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,192
Wait a minute.
What'd you do with the old ones?
450
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:43,952
You told me to throw them
in the garbage...
451
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,031
so I put them in the attic
to make a robot.
452
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:47,633
It's the old ones.
453
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,393
The batteries are dying
and we can hear 'em through the vents.
454
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,550
You did it, buddy. I'm sorry.
455
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,111
- I love you.
- I love you.
456
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,273
I did that.
457
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:09,960
Oh. Must be the pizza I ordered.
458
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,349
Oh. Must be the pizza I ordered.
459
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,317
Pizza? You ordered pizza?
460
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,914
Yeah. I was just sort of
in the mood, you know?
461
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,877
But we had pizza a couple nights ago.
462
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,872
I know, but I had an urge,
and when I get an urge, I get an urge.
463
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,110
- Okay. Here, I'll get it.
- No, sweetie. I've got it.
464
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,679
No, Mom. You're always asking me
to do things.
465
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,318
I'll get it. Here. Just sit back, relax...
466
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,118
- I'll get the pizza. Don't worry.
- Get the change.
467
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,433
Here...
468
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,829
And I think it's best
you don't come around here anymore.
469
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:43,549
US - English - SDH