Okay. I'm getting all the games ready for the baby shower.
(gasps) and luckily great-aunt Kathy died,
So now the teams are even. Do we really have to play silly games?
I mean, isn't it enough that the shower is a celebration
Of the new life growing inside of me? No.
Since my mom's coming to town for the shower,
We're all having dinner at our place tomorrow night.
You guys wanna come? She's bringing fresh goat milk.
Oh. Thank God. That canned milk never tastes goat-y enough.
And she hates all of Casey's girlfriends.
I think she just doesn't like to share me,
Wants all my attention on her.
That's why I wasn't allowed to have dogs... Or toys.
You don't have to worry about your mom not liking Mia.
(chuckles) I don't know what it is, but moms always love Mia.
She's like Pierce Brosnan.
Mm. Yeah. I am a professional, okay?
I will make her like me. (chuckles) it's okay if she doesn't.
Are you doubting me?
Because Maddie was being modest before.
I'm not Pierce Brosnan. I'm Richard Gere.
(mouths word) well, it can't go any worse
Than when Ben met mom and dad for the first time.
Hey. Now that I'm all clean,
How about we get a little... (whispers) dirty? (chuckles)
(normal voice) when are your parents supposed to get here?
Five... Minutes ago.
Hi.
(both) hi.
(man) ♪ I don't know where I'd be ♪
♪ without someone to see ♪
♪ this thing through ♪
♪ I am such aess ♪
♪ even at my best ♪
Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
Look what I found, Mia.
Oh. (chuckles) it's the little onesie your Nana gave you when you were a baby.
(Chuckles) ohh. "I heart my Nana. " (chuckles) ohh.
Oh, I can't believe
I am finally going to be called "Nana."
It's a tradition in my family.
I'm hoping to break my family tradition
Of being called "pee-paw" or "poo-pa."
We sound like a bunch of filthy bears.
(knock on door)
(yelling) that's my mom!
(imitates drum beats and cymbal crash)
Mom! Baby!
Mm! Yeah! Oh! Oh! Oh, my goodness!
Wow. Returning astronauts don't get that kind of welcome.
I hugged mom like that once,
And she called me a lesbian.
Everyone, this is my mom Ariel. Hi.
(Maddie) hello. Hi.
Hello, all.
I brought everyone goat milk, fresh from Rebecca's teats.
It's still warm! This is Vicky... Joel...
Hi. Hello. Hi.
Maddie... And Ben... (both) hi.
And this... Is Mia. (chuckles) oh. Hi, Mrs. Avenport.
It's so nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you.
So you're the woman who stole my little Casey away. Oh, I am. (chuckles)
And I'm about to steal that scarf, 'cause I love it so much.
(laughs)
Oh, thank you.
And good for you, wearing so much jewelry.
Thank you? (chuckles nervously)
Uh, so how was the drive down?
Sorry, I didn't hear you
With all that jewelry rattling around.
Oh, so I understand that you're in the porn industry.
Uh, no.
I-I run an online party invitation service.
Oh. Call girls, escorts, party invitation service...
I really can't keep up with the new lingo. (chuckles)
(chuckles) no. My business is nothing like...
Rattle, rattle, rattle. So many bracelets.
Two.
I'm wearing two bracelets.
So, Joel,
I see where your daughters get their good looks.
(laughs) oh...
Well...
It's very nice to meet you.
Thank you. You, too.
Oh. Your hands are so soft.
Thank you. I inseminated a cow yesterday.
Oh. So, honey, what time are you leaving tomorrow?
Early. Since it's no guys allowed at the baby shower,
I'm gonna road trip up to Vermont,
Get a bunch of old stuff out of storage.
Did you ask him yet? Well, you can't just ask someone, "hey, can I come
"on your road trip, and we can have guy bonding and make
"really cool memories, and then years from now we can just look
"at each other and do that smirk that guys do, where you both
"know we're thinking about that great road trip we had, but we
Can't talk about it because the girls are in the room? " I think there might be a shorter way to ask.
Hey, Ben. You wanna drive up to Vermont with me?
Uh, y-yeah, yeah.
I mean, cool. Whatevs.
Did you just say "whatevs"?
If you can think of a cooler way to say it,
I'd like to hear it.
Oh, hey. Where you been all morning?
Making...
These.
"brawhd trip."
What does that mean?
No. It's "bro" and "road." it's "bro'd trip."
Oh, no, no. We've talked about you combining words.
You're not good at it. You need to stop.
Bro'd trip? That's worse than "hesort."
Hey. People are screaming for a shorter way
To say "hotel resort."
Okay. I'll stop.
Why is this road trip so important to you?
Well, I need a new rich Vernon.
Who's rich Vernon? You remember rich Vernon from work?
We used to go out and pretend to like whiskey together.
We used to hang out all the time,
But then two months ago he got transferred to Japan,
And, yeah, I mean, we still play online scrabble sometimes,
But I have to get up really early. Oh. Is that what you were doing?
I thought you were having an online affair.
You thought I was having an affair,
And you didn't say anything?
Like you said, it was really early.
Casey would be the perfect friend.
I mean, we're basically family, so I see him all the time.
Plus he's younger than me. He's in a band.
He's just... He's cool, you know?
And if your friend is cool, that makes you cool, too.
Aw. Ben, you don't need Casey to be cool.
Maddie, I wake up at 4:00 A.M.
To play online scrabble.
I know.
I kinda wish you were having an affair.
(door opens) hey!
Hi.
You ready for our road trip? I sure am. (chuckles)
What? Uh, Joel's coming with us. I-I invited him, too.
"broad trip"?
What is this, Maddie?
You going on a road trip with all your girlfriends?
Hey, babe. You sure you're gonna be all right with my mom?
I-I don't have to do this today.
I don't think it went that bad with your mom yesterday.
Be honest. The reviews weren't great. Well, don't you worry,
Because I'm really gonna turn it on today, okay?
Took off all my noisy bracelets.
I'm not wearing any fancy big-city deodorant.
Oh! And watch this. I learned how to drink goat milk
Without making an icky face.
(strained voice) I don't think Rebecca's well.
Don't worry about Mr. Putney bringing us down, okay?
We can still do all the awesome road trip stuff we wanted to do.
We'll just do it with the old guy napping in the back.
All right. Let me just get it out there.
Nothing gets back to the ladies.
Oh. Of course not.
Because Vicky can never know about this.
(bag thuds)
Vegetable juice?
Your wife can't know you're getting
Eight essential vitamins and minerals?
Ever since I hit 50, Vicky has been all over me
About what I eat.
I'm on a highly restricted diet.
No salt of any kind.
So now I do have salt,
It makes me go crazy.
Like... "kill a drifter" crazy or...
I only allow myself one binge a year.
I go on a road trip, and regular Joel...
Turns into road Joel.
Guess what, bros?
It's about to get salty.
(clank)
(can pops)
Maddie, I figured out the perfect way
To win over Casey's mom. I am going into "yes" mode.
You know, when you have a crush on a guy and you want him
To like you, so you say yes to everything he asks for? Yeah, you always regret it the next morning,
But it does work. It does. (chuckles) hi.
This must be so exciting for you, Vicky.
Your first grandchild. Mm-hmm.
This is number, uh... 11 for me. Oh.
Oh! By the way, I call "Nana."
Wait. Uh, I'm sorry. Um...
I'm so sorry. (chuckles)
What did you just say?
I want the baby to call me "Nana."
That's what I want to be called. It's a tradition in my family.
Mm. Then you should've called it.
I can have "Nana." right, Mia?
Yes!
Oh, Mia, thank you. You're okay.
(gasps)
Yes!
"pee-paw" is available.
You know what? We should drive all the way to the north pole.
We could do it. They have gas stations.
Hey! Do you think we can lift this car?
I'm gonna hold my breath. (inhales deeply) (lowered voice) do you think he's gonna be okay?
I don't know, but I like this Joel
A lot better than salt-free Joel. Ooh! Speed up. I wanna moon this trucker.
Oh, hey, hey, hey. I'm all for having a good time
And making some crazy memories, but I think we should draw
The line at stuff that's against the law. I think you should do it, Joel. It'll be awesome.
I'll do it with ya. Wait. What? No! No. Hey, hey, hey! No one is mooning anyone!
Well, hey, uh, how about this?
(chuckles)
You guys wanna do somethin' crazy?
Anybody feel like smoking a cigar?
I'll smoke one. Hell, I'll eat one.
Let's do it. I'll light up a cubano.
Ah. No, not light
(chuckles) chew up.
It's called a cigarr-it.
(mouth full) it's like, uh, nicotine gum, but for cigars.
Here, Casey, try one. (chuckles) this is gonna be
The craziest story when we get back home, that you... soda grenade! Fire in the hole!
(fizzes) (screams)
(both laughing)
What the heck was that?! What the hell?!
You made me swallow my gum! (laughing)
You're high-fiving him? Are you kidding me?
Listen...
Ohh.
Oh, the gum.
Oh, I feel sick.
Ohh. We gotta pull over.
Okay, great. You throw up. I'm gonna name all the States. (pants)
California... Mexico... Bermuda...
Mia, how could you let her be called "Nana" when you knew
I wanted it? I need this woman Toto like me.
You need me to like you. You gave a"Nana."
We'll just come up with something else
For the baby to call you. It'll be fine.
Oh! I'll invent a new shower game...
"name the old lady." (laughs)
No. (laughs)
That's not the right name.
Well, we stopped at a r, and now I don't even know
Where they are. It's like Casey and Joel are best friends.
I can't believe I'm in a competition with your dad...
And I'm losing. Oh, don't worry, honey. You're way cooler than my dad,
And Casey's gonna see it sooner or later.
You're the coolest man I know.
Great. My girlfriend thinks I'm cool.
Thanks, Maddie. That means so much.
You realize you're alienating the only person
Who thinks you're cool? (Joel and Casey laughing)
Oh, they're back. I have to go. Aah! Aah! That w.
What happened to you guys?
You've been gone for, like, a half an hour. Joel here challenged a whole table of truckers
To a chicken wing eating contest. And I won!
(whispers) yes! And then we had an arm wrestling contest,
And I hurt myself really bad! (laughs)
Then they gave us their hats.
(gasps) oh! I just had a great idea.
You guys are gonna love this. (whispers) yes!
(normal voice) how boring would this road trip have been
If that guy hadn't come along, right? (door closes)
Look, can we just get the rest of your stuff
And get in the car and go home? Okay. What's Joel doing?
(engine starts) I'll be back in a month!
(tires peal)
(laughs) Maddie, I need your help.
Well, can it wait?
We're about to play trivial purs-uterus.
Okay. I finally got Casey's mom to like me,
But in order to do that, I had to agree to something
That I really don't want to do.
I have a favor to ask you.
Oh, anything.
On our farm is a big, beautiful barn
That my great-grandmother built.
And you want us to have the wedding there? (chuckles)
No, that wouldn't be appropriate.
We want you to have the baby there.
A barn? I know. It's crazy, right?
Just tell her you're not gonna do it. I tried... But it came out.
I'd love to have a barn baby!
Ohh.
That's why you've got to help me. She likes me now.
She said she was very impressed, because she thought for sure
I was one of those hoity-toity women
That like to have their babies in a hospital.
Look, this is crazy. She can't be serious.
Apparently, it's a family tradition.
It's where Casey was born.
Casey was born in a barn? That explains a lot.
And she said all her kids were born there.
Wait. "kid" is also a word for goat.
Does she mean baby goats or children?
Does it matter? (sighs) Maddie, what am I gonna do? (door closes)
You need mom. She's really good at handling stuff like this.
(gasps) remember when I was 16 and that store clerk accused me
Of stealing cigarettes, and then mom went in,
Yelled at him, and forced him to apologize?
Oh, yeah. She got him deported.
She gets stuff done.
Mia, you have to come over here. I have pictures of the barn,
And one of them shows your birthing stall. (chuckles) oh!
(whispers) help me.
Mom, there's a problem.
I am not the one who put the vodka in the punch,
But I'm certainly not complaining.
No, no, it's not that. It's... it's Mia.
Backstabber. She's in trouble.
Not my concern. She promised Casey's mom...
Ooh, her new b.F.F. That she'd give birth in her barn.
Well, good for her.
Wait. What?
(sighs) okay, that's it.
First "Nana." now this. That woman's gone too far.
No grandchild of mine is gonna be born
In that disgusting place.
Ugh. I know. A barn?
I meant Vermont.
(mouths word)
I didn't hear anything definite about Mr. Putney,
But a few of the truckers are talking about a naked dude
Running down I-87 chugging soy sauce.
I called a cab for us. Should be here in, like, 20.
You want a fry? What is going on in this relationship?
You blow me off. You offer me a fry. You're hot. You're cold.
I'm getting a lot of mixed signals here.
Well, the fries are here if you want 'em,
And now the weirdness is, too.
I just thought that this road trip would be
A chance for us to become better friends,
But when you invited Mr. Putney, it just...
I didn't want to invite him. Vicky made me.
I wanted it to just be us two. Really?
Yeah. And I don't know what you're talking about.
We're already great friends.
We're both obsessed with ninja movies,
We both love mini golf and hate real golf,
And now we have a great story.
Hey, remember that time "road Joel" abandoned us
At a diner in Albany?
Oh, yeah. That was nuts. (chuckles)
Thanks, Casey.
Here.
(chuckles)
(sighs)
How's that feel?
(clicks tongue) I'm not gonna lie.
It smells odd.
I'm going to lay this out very clearly,
So even, uh, a hippie can understand it.
My daughter is not giving birth in a barn.
Excuse me? I don't think you have anything to do with this.
It was her decision. Only because she's been jumping through hoops
Trying to get you to like her.
I don't know what your problem is,
But my daughter is a good person.
We've welcomed the vagabond you raised into our home,
So I just expect you to welcome Mia into yours.
Or what?
Or I take "Nana," and there's nothing you can do about it.
But I already called "Nana."
Listen, you live in bumblefudge, Vermont,
The... the liberal no-man's-land
Between America and Canada.
I will have daily access to this child,
And I can teach him to call you
Whatever I damn well please.
Maddie
What was that new game we were talking about?
Oh, you mean "name the old lady"?
That's the one.
Let's see how many we can come up with in a minute. Granny.
Mumsy. Mee-maw.
Granky. Grizzly.
Skeletor.
You wouldn't really do that, would you?
Old mother wrinkle storm.
Okay, okay. You win. No barn baby.
And?
And I will welcome Mia into the family.
Good.
You can go tell her right now.
Yeah.
'cause you've been gamed!
Okay. Calm down, honey.
(laughing) okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm just so excited we finally played one.
Wow, that cab ride home was more than I wanted to spend
On my wedding. Hey, honey.
Hi.
(yelling) mom! Yeah!
Mm-mm! Yeah!
I guess we'll have to get used to that at some point.
How was your trip?
Oh, yeah, cool. Whatevs... Er.
(whispers) we got matching hats!
(laughs)
Well, I have to go. I'm exhausted.
What kind of punch was that?
Oh, well. Good night, everyone.
Mwah. Mwah.
Oh, Mia, I meant to say,
Those bracelets aren't as clattery and horribly ugly
As I thought.
Good night, Na.
(Casey) love you, mom.
(door closes) wow.
Mm. "not as horribly ugly as I thought."
That is the nicest thing she has ever said
To any of my girlfriends. What did you do?
Oh, it wasn't me. (chuckles)
So I don't know what you did, mom,
But I know you did do something, and I appreciate it,
Even after I've treated you so horribly today.
Oh, honey. I understand.
I had in-laws, too.
Not everyone can be as nice and warm as our family.
Take the hat off, Ben.
You look like the cowboy in the village people.
No. Yeah. It's stupid.
(speaks indistinctly)
Dumb.
So, uh...
(lowered voice) which one of us is gonna tell 'em
That we lost Joel?
To be fair, we didn't lose him.
We know he's going to the north pole,
And we know he's gonna be back in a month.
Mr. Putney.
Oh. Hello, gentlemen.
I told the ladies you were nice enough to drop me off
Before you returned the rental car.
(lowered voice) I'm off the salt pony, boys.
It was fun while it lasted, but it had to end at some point.
Wait. I-is that a hospital wristband?
Don't worry.
It's from a dog hospital.
And tomorrow we should look for Casey's rental car.
I hope you sprung for the insurance, because it is...
(high-pitched voice) messed...
(normal voice) up.
(whistles)
(whispers) ka-boom!
Ugh. I don't know if it's the goat milk
Or the stress of meeting your mom,
But I think I'm getting a cold. (sniffles) mm.
If you're sick, I want to be sick with you.
(giggles)
(sneezes) are you sick?
Ugh. I might be. I may have overdone it on the road trip.
Hang on. I'll make you my famous get-well smoothie.
No! (chuckles)
I'm not that sick.
(sneezes)
Are you sick?
Maybe.
I'll be at my cousin's.
Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com