1
00:00:01,854 --> 00:00:03,321
You know who's got to be
the bravest person
2
00:00:03,391 --> 00:00:04,458
in the Marvel Universe?
3
00:00:04,459 --> 00:00:07,728
Whoever has to give
She-Hulk a bikini wax.
4
00:00:08,630 --> 00:00:10,030
You want to talk brave,
5
00:00:10,031 --> 00:00:13,434
how about Captain America's
undocumented Mexican gardener?
6
00:00:14,502 --> 00:00:15,803
He's not braver than
7
00:00:15,804 --> 00:00:18,272
whoever uses the bathroom
after The Thing? (chuckles)
8
00:00:19,274 --> 00:00:21,525
As usual, you're all wrong.
9
00:00:21,526 --> 00:00:23,444
The bravest person
in the Marvel Universe
10
00:00:23,445 --> 00:00:26,680
is the doctor who gives
Wolverine his prostate exam.
11
00:00:27,849 --> 00:00:29,216
How about the guy who gets
12
00:00:29,217 --> 00:00:31,218
a prostate exam from Wolverine?
13
00:00:31,219 --> 00:00:33,454
(laughs)
Now you're just being silly.
14
00:00:34,356 --> 00:00:35,489
Wolverine's never displayed
15
00:00:35,490 --> 00:00:37,057
the slightest interest
in helping others
16
00:00:37,058 --> 00:00:38,826
prevent prostate cancer.
17
00:00:38,827 --> 00:00:40,261
(phone ringing)
18
00:00:42,764 --> 00:00:44,498
Hello.
19
00:00:44,499 --> 00:00:46,066
Yes, the elevator's
out of order;
20
00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:47,768
you'll have to use the stairs.
21
00:00:48,870 --> 00:00:49,870
Of course you can.
22
00:00:49,871 --> 00:00:52,139
Pizza dates back
to the 16th century,
23
00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:55,509
while the first elevator
was not installed until 1852.
24
00:00:55,510 --> 00:00:58,178
That means that
for over 300 years,
25
00:00:58,179 --> 00:01:00,781
people carried pizzas up stairs.
26
00:01:00,782 --> 00:01:02,883
Be part of that proud tradition.
27
00:01:04,552 --> 00:01:07,888
I'll go get Penny while that guy
spits on our food.
28
00:01:09,724 --> 00:01:12,226
Do you think they gave Wolverine
an adamantium prostate?
29
00:01:12,227 --> 00:01:14,995
That's a stupid question.
30
00:01:14,996 --> 00:01:16,130
We're having
a conversation about
31
00:01:16,131 --> 00:01:18,766
probing the heinies
of superheroes.
32
00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:21,302
There are no stupid questions.
33
00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:28,876
Yes?
34
00:01:28,877 --> 00:01:31,278
Oh, um, is
Penny here?
35
00:01:31,279 --> 00:01:33,247
You're Leonard, right?
36
00:01:33,248 --> 00:01:35,983
Yeah.
37
00:01:35,984 --> 00:01:38,385
Damn, it's good
to finally meet you, son.
38
00:01:38,386 --> 00:01:39,486
(chuckles)
39
00:01:39,487 --> 00:01:41,605
Okay, I think a bit of
context here might help.
40
00:01:41,606 --> 00:01:43,691
Oh, hey, Leonard.
I see you met my dad.
41
00:01:43,692 --> 00:01:45,276
Oh, good.
42
00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:46,460
Context.
43
00:01:46,461 --> 00:01:47,695
Come on in, buddy.
44
00:01:47,696 --> 00:01:48,696
Take a load off.
45
00:01:48,697 --> 00:01:50,097
Oh, gee, Dad,
Leonard can't stay.
46
00:01:50,098 --> 00:01:51,565
He just dropped by to say hello.
47
00:01:51,566 --> 00:01:52,599
Thanks for stopping by, sweetie.
48
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,568
I'll see you later.
49
00:01:56,338 --> 00:01:57,538
Bye.
50
00:02:02,344 --> 00:02:05,129
That was odd.
51
00:02:05,130 --> 00:02:08,782
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
52
00:02:08,783 --> 00:02:12,119
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
53
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,754
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
54
00:02:13,755 --> 00:02:16,290
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
55
00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:18,959
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
56
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,628
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
57
00:02:21,629 --> 00:02:23,530
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
58
00:02:23,531 --> 00:02:25,499
♪ Bang! ♪
59
00:02:25,699 --> 00:02:28,699
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x09 ♪
The Boyfriend Complexity
Original Air Date on November 18, 2010
60
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,799
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
61
00:02:30,804 --> 00:02:32,823
Are you sure you have
enough comics?
62
00:02:32,917 --> 00:02:35,485
You're going to be monitoring
the telescope for 12 hours,
63
00:02:35,486 --> 00:02:37,387
and by my estimate,
you've only selected
64
00:02:37,388 --> 00:02:39,522
seven hours of reading material.
65
00:02:39,523 --> 00:02:41,190
That's even factoring in
66
00:02:41,191 --> 00:02:43,826
your difficulty in parsing
American comic book idioms
67
00:02:43,827 --> 00:02:46,296
like "Bamf!" and "Snikt!"
68
00:02:46,297 --> 00:02:48,164
Is that racist?
69
00:02:48,165 --> 00:02:49,799
It feels racist.
70
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,168
Don't be oversensitive.
71
00:02:52,169 --> 00:02:55,171
He's calling you illiterate,
not your race.
72
00:02:55,172 --> 00:02:58,107
Oh, okay. Good.
73
00:02:58,108 --> 00:02:59,475
I don't need
more comics.
74
00:02:59,476 --> 00:03:01,444
Howard's gonna stop by,
we're gonna play
75
00:03:01,445 --> 00:03:04,314
Intergalactic Battleship
and Indian Monopoly.
76
00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:07,083
I don't care for
novelty editions of Monopoly.
77
00:03:07,084 --> 00:03:10,553
I prefer the classics:
regular and Klingon.
78
00:03:11,555 --> 00:03:13,022
Actually, Indian Monopoly's
79
00:03:13,023 --> 00:03:15,258
just like regular,
except the money's in rupees,
80
00:03:15,259 --> 00:03:18,494
instead of hotels
you build call centers,
81
00:03:18,495 --> 00:03:22,198
and when you pick a Chance card,
you might die of dysentery.
82
00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:24,651
Just FYI,
83
00:03:24,652 --> 00:03:25,902
that was racist.
84
00:03:27,988 --> 00:03:30,490
You'll never guess
what just happened.
85
00:03:30,491 --> 00:03:32,175
You went out in the hallway,
86
00:03:32,176 --> 00:03:34,110
stumbled into
an interdimensional portal
87
00:03:34,111 --> 00:03:36,245
which brought you 5,000 years
into the future,
88
00:03:36,246 --> 00:03:38,281
where you took advantage
of the advanced technology
89
00:03:38,282 --> 00:03:40,583
to build a time machine,
and now you're back
90
00:03:40,584 --> 00:03:42,835
to bring us all with you
to the year 7010
91
00:03:42,836 --> 00:03:45,121
where we are transported
to work at the Thinkatorium
92
00:03:45,122 --> 00:03:48,524
by telepathically controlled
flying dolphins?
93
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,728
No.
94
00:03:51,729 --> 00:03:53,463
Aw.
95
00:03:54,298 --> 00:03:56,299
Penny kissed me.
96
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:58,368
Well, who would ever guess that?
97
00:03:59,103 --> 00:04:00,670
What-what kind of a kiss?
98
00:04:00,671 --> 00:04:02,505
A big kiss. On the mouth.
99
00:04:02,506 --> 00:04:04,874
Is it possible that she was
going for your cheek
100
00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:07,577
and you moved
and she accidentally got lip?
101
00:04:07,578 --> 00:04:11,014
That happens with me and my mom
all the time.
102
00:04:12,282 --> 00:04:13,649
She introduced me to her father,
103
00:04:13,650 --> 00:04:16,152
kissed me and then
shut the door in my face.
104
00:04:16,153 --> 00:04:18,521
Maybe she was trying
to send you a message.
105
00:04:18,522 --> 00:04:19,589
You think?
106
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:21,040
Yeah.
"This man is not my father.
107
00:04:21,041 --> 00:04:22,525
"I'm being held hostage.
108
00:04:22,526 --> 00:04:23,726
"So I'm going to do
109
00:04:23,727 --> 00:04:25,161
"something insane in the hopes
110
00:04:25,162 --> 00:04:27,263
that you'll call 911."
111
00:04:27,264 --> 00:04:29,065
Penny kissing me is not insane.
112
00:04:29,066 --> 00:04:30,900
She used to kiss me
all the time.
113
00:04:30,901 --> 00:04:33,836
Einstein defined insanity
as "doing the same thing
114
00:04:33,837 --> 00:04:37,206
over and over again and
expecting different results."
115
00:04:37,741 --> 00:04:38,775
By that standard,
116
00:04:38,776 --> 00:04:40,943
Penny is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
117
00:04:41,912 --> 00:04:43,563
I'm just saying,
118
00:04:43,564 --> 00:04:45,565
it felt like it may have
meant something.
119
00:04:45,566 --> 00:04:47,350
Ah, this takes me back.
120
00:04:47,351 --> 00:04:48,818
Leonard obsessing about Penny.
121
00:04:48,819 --> 00:04:51,554
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I love your new stuff,
122
00:04:51,555 --> 00:04:54,157
but once in a while
it's nice to hear the hits.
123
00:04:54,158 --> 00:04:55,391
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Ooh, ooh!
124
00:04:55,392 --> 00:04:59,262
Do "Our babies will be smart
and beautiful."
125
00:04:59,263 --> 00:05:00,596
(laughs)
126
00:05:00,597 --> 00:05:03,449
That one always makes me laugh.
127
00:05:04,468 --> 00:05:05,668
(knocking at door)
128
00:05:05,669 --> 00:05:07,537
Why do I bother
talking to you people?
129
00:05:07,538 --> 00:05:09,772
If it'll make you feel better,
we rarely listen.
130
00:05:09,773 --> 00:05:12,341
Hey, can I talk to you
out here for a sec?
131
00:05:12,342 --> 00:05:13,609
Yeah, sure.
132
00:05:13,610 --> 00:05:15,111
(door closes)
133
00:05:15,112 --> 00:05:18,414
I'm starting to think we're
never going to see that pizza.
134
00:05:19,516 --> 00:05:21,968
So you're probably wondering
what that was all about.
135
00:05:21,969 --> 00:05:23,986
What, uh, the kissing
and everything?
136
00:05:23,987 --> 00:05:27,440
Nah, women do that to me
all the time.
137
00:05:27,441 --> 00:05:29,275
Yeah, okay.
The thing is, I kind of
138
00:05:29,276 --> 00:05:31,160
told my father
we got back together again.
139
00:05:31,161 --> 00:05:33,129
What? Why?
140
00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:34,263
Well, you're the first guy
141
00:05:34,264 --> 00:05:35,832
he's ever really approved of,
you know?
142
00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:37,283
You're a scientist
who went to college
143
00:05:37,284 --> 00:05:39,001
and you don't have a neck tattoo
144
00:05:39,002 --> 00:05:43,673
or outstanding warrants
or... or a baby.
145
00:05:43,674 --> 00:05:47,376
What kind of guys
did you used to go out with?
146
00:05:47,377 --> 00:05:49,245
Just guys.
147
00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:51,631
Anyway, when I told him
we split up, he was heartbroken,
148
00:05:51,632 --> 00:05:53,282
and he kept bugging me:
"How's Leonard?
149
00:05:53,283 --> 00:05:54,951
"Why can't you get
back together with Leonard?
150
00:05:54,952 --> 00:05:58,171
I bet Leonard never
tipped a cow over on himself."
151
00:05:59,289 --> 00:06:00,640
So to get him off my back,
152
00:06:00,641 --> 00:06:02,225
I told him
we worked things out.
153
00:06:02,226 --> 00:06:04,393
Really?
154
00:06:07,698 --> 00:06:09,999
How-how'd we manage that?
155
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,200
What?
156
00:06:11,201 --> 00:06:13,536
I mean, did you apologize?
157
00:06:13,537 --> 00:06:15,137
Did you have to woo me?
158
00:06:15,138 --> 00:06:16,139
(chuckles)
159
00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:18,324
Get over yourself.
160
00:06:18,325 --> 00:06:20,543
I whistled, you came running.
161
00:06:20,544 --> 00:06:23,346
Yeah, no, I don't think so.
162
00:06:23,347 --> 00:06:24,780
Okay, why are you
arguing about this?
163
00:06:24,781 --> 00:06:25,748
I'm just saying,
164
00:06:25,749 --> 00:06:27,183
if we fake got back together,
165
00:06:27,184 --> 00:06:28,918
that's totally not
how it fake happened.
166
00:06:28,919 --> 00:06:29,919
Oh...
167
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,120
Okay, whatever.
168
00:06:31,121 --> 00:06:32,822
Will you please just play along
until my dad leaves?
169
00:06:32,823 --> 00:06:34,373
Hold on, you actually want me
170
00:06:34,374 --> 00:06:36,626
to deceive your father
with some sort of
171
00:06:36,627 --> 00:06:38,161
sham play acting and kissing?
172
00:06:38,162 --> 00:06:40,329
'Cause I'm good with that.
173
00:06:40,330 --> 00:06:41,397
(door opens)
174
00:06:41,398 --> 00:06:43,599
WYATT:
Penny, you out here?
175
00:06:45,018 --> 00:06:46,869
(chuckles)
176
00:06:49,673 --> 00:06:51,841
Come on, honey,
not in front of my dad.
177
00:06:51,842 --> 00:06:55,528
Relax, I've seen you do
a lot worse with a lot stupider.
178
00:06:55,529 --> 00:06:57,563
See?
179
00:06:57,564 --> 00:06:58,898
He doesn't mind.
180
00:06:58,899 --> 00:07:00,066
So, Leonard,
I'm taking your gal out
181
00:07:00,067 --> 00:07:01,617
for a steak dinner;
you want to join us?
182
00:07:01,618 --> 00:07:03,703
Oh, Dad, that's nice,
but Leonard has to work.
183
00:07:03,704 --> 00:07:04,620
Right, Leonard?
184
00:07:04,621 --> 00:07:06,122
Uh, I do, I
have to work.
185
00:07:06,123 --> 00:07:07,857
But I'm gonna blow that
off to spend the evening
186
00:07:07,858 --> 00:07:10,193
with my sweetie and her
father, 'cause, you know,
187
00:07:10,194 --> 00:07:11,994
just the kind of
boyfriend I am.
188
00:07:11,995 --> 00:07:13,379
Oh.
189
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:14,697
Come here, you.
190
00:07:22,723 --> 00:07:25,224
C-7.
191
00:07:25,225 --> 00:07:26,242
Miss.
192
00:07:26,243 --> 00:07:27,443
How could that be a miss?
193
00:07:27,444 --> 00:07:29,212
C-6 was a hit, C-8 was a hit.
194
00:07:29,213 --> 00:07:31,414
Part of your starship
has to be on C-7.
195
00:07:31,415 --> 00:07:34,050
Not if it has a hole
in the middle.
196
00:07:35,819 --> 00:07:38,854
What kind of spaceship
has a hole in the middle?
197
00:07:38,855 --> 00:07:42,425
A Romulan Battle Bagel?
198
00:07:43,894 --> 00:07:45,761
BERNADETTE:
Knock-knock.
199
00:07:45,762 --> 00:07:47,363
Oh, great, you made it.
200
00:07:47,364 --> 00:07:48,564
Come on in.
201
00:07:49,399 --> 00:07:50,866
I invited her.
202
00:07:50,867 --> 00:07:53,002
So where's
the telescope?
203
00:07:53,003 --> 00:07:55,904
It's in Hawaii, but Raj
controls it from here.
204
00:07:55,905 --> 00:07:58,574
He's hoping to see Epsilon
Eridani dim, which would be
205
00:07:58,575 --> 00:08:01,577
evidence of a planet
orbiting it.
206
00:08:01,578 --> 00:08:03,112
So we just sit and stare
at the screen,
207
00:08:03,113 --> 00:08:04,313
waiting for
something to happen?
208
00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:08,417
I did it with you when
we rented The Notebook.
209
00:08:11,188 --> 00:08:14,790
Yes, Gena Rowlands
is a treasure.
210
00:08:14,791 --> 00:08:17,643
You'd better open up
that bottle of wine
211
00:08:17,644 --> 00:08:21,280
or I'm gonna end up
with swimmer's ear.
212
00:08:21,281 --> 00:08:22,431
Excuse me.
213
00:08:22,432 --> 00:08:24,166
I can't be drinking,
I'm about to make
214
00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:25,934
an important scientific
discovery here.
215
00:08:25,935 --> 00:08:29,105
What? Galileo did his best work
while drinking wine.
216
00:08:29,106 --> 00:08:30,339
How do you know that?
217
00:08:30,340 --> 00:08:31,907
Well, he was Italian.
218
00:08:31,908 --> 00:08:34,577
It's a reasonable assumption.
219
00:08:34,578 --> 00:08:35,945
Dude, can you even
open your mouth
220
00:08:35,946 --> 00:08:37,446
without spewing a
cultural stereotype?
221
00:08:37,447 --> 00:08:40,716
Oh, I-I'm sorry,
Galileo drank Diet Sprite.
222
00:08:42,302 --> 00:08:44,320
Look, you're my best friend,
she's my girlfriend;
223
00:08:44,321 --> 00:08:45,504
you should bond.
224
00:08:45,505 --> 00:08:47,556
You know,
like you and my mom did.
225
00:08:47,557 --> 00:08:50,793
Your mom creeps
the hell out of me.
226
00:08:50,794 --> 00:08:55,197
Yes, but she's stopped
calling you Slumdog Millionaire.
227
00:08:55,198 --> 00:08:56,399
I do appreciate that.
228
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,151
Here we go.
229
00:08:59,152 --> 00:09:01,654
I'd like to propose a toast.
230
00:09:01,655 --> 00:09:03,972
To science and friendship.
231
00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:06,742
Hold on. Wait.
232
00:09:07,344 --> 00:09:08,644
No, it's okay, go ahead.
233
00:09:08,645 --> 00:09:09,712
What?
234
00:09:09,713 --> 00:09:10,846
Oh, I was working with
235
00:09:10,847 --> 00:09:12,682
penicillin-resistant gonorrhea
in the lab today
236
00:09:12,683 --> 00:09:15,584
and I was just trying to
remember if I washed my hands.
237
00:09:22,626 --> 00:09:24,126
Thanks for the steak, Wyatt.
238
00:09:24,127 --> 00:09:25,494
My pleasure.
239
00:09:25,495 --> 00:09:27,430
It's nice to have dinner
with a boyfriend of Penny's
240
00:09:27,431 --> 00:09:28,764
that knows how to use a napkin.
241
00:09:28,765 --> 00:09:29,965
(chuckles)
242
00:09:29,966 --> 00:09:32,034
So not funny, Dad.
243
00:09:32,035 --> 00:09:34,437
Let me tell you about this one
genius she was going out with,
244
00:09:34,438 --> 00:09:35,971
this-this
fella Donnie.
245
00:09:35,972 --> 00:09:37,540
Oh, will you please let it go?
246
00:09:37,541 --> 00:09:39,508
Donnie was gonna make millions
turning farm waste
247
00:09:39,509 --> 00:09:41,610
into biofuel and selling it
to the government.
248
00:09:41,611 --> 00:09:43,312
A lot of people are doing that.
249
00:09:43,313 --> 00:09:44,747
Oh, see?
250
00:09:44,748 --> 00:09:47,033
Yeah, but all Donnie did was mix
pig poop with a little water
251
00:09:47,034 --> 00:09:48,384
and pump it
into his mom's Camry.
252
00:09:48,385 --> 00:09:50,686
(laughs)
253
00:09:50,687 --> 00:09:51,687
Yeah, that's great.
254
00:09:51,688 --> 00:09:53,255
It's a funny story. Moving on.
255
00:09:53,256 --> 00:09:55,558
And Donnie was a rocket
scientist compared to that boy
256
00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:57,660
who wanted to get beer pong
into the Olympics.
257
00:09:57,661 --> 00:09:58,794
What was his
name, sweetheart?
258
00:09:58,795 --> 00:10:01,263
Curtis, and I'm pretty sure
he was joking.
259
00:10:01,264 --> 00:10:02,198
I don't know.
260
00:10:02,199 --> 00:10:03,599
That petition
looked real to me.
261
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,583
(laughs)
262
00:10:04,584 --> 00:10:06,402
Yeah, okay, I think this ends
263
00:10:06,403 --> 00:10:08,170
the ex-boyfriend portion
of our evening.
264
00:10:08,171 --> 00:10:11,257
Well, I'm just glad you finally
found yourself a keeper.
265
00:10:11,258 --> 00:10:12,575
Thanks, Wyatt.
266
00:10:12,576 --> 00:10:14,944
I'm a keeper.
267
00:10:14,945 --> 00:10:16,112
(chuckles)
268
00:10:19,616 --> 00:10:21,484
Leonard, you want to come in
for a nightcap?
269
00:10:21,485 --> 00:10:22,718
Oh, gee, Dad,
he'd love to,
270
00:10:22,719 --> 00:10:24,153
but Leonard has to work
in the morning.
271
00:10:24,154 --> 00:10:26,155
Maybe I could
go in a little late.
272
00:10:26,156 --> 00:10:27,456
No, no, no, you can't.
273
00:10:27,457 --> 00:10:29,224
Your career is
far too important.
274
00:10:29,225 --> 00:10:31,160
Behind every great man
is a nagging woman
275
00:10:31,161 --> 00:10:33,796
who won't let him have any fun,
am I right, Leonard?
276
00:10:34,664 --> 00:10:37,600
Don't I know it.
277
00:10:38,919 --> 00:10:39,902
Well, good night, son.
278
00:10:39,903 --> 00:10:41,137
Good night, Wyatt.
279
00:10:41,138 --> 00:10:42,621
Oh, good
night, honey.
280
00:10:42,622 --> 00:10:44,406
Good night.
281
00:10:44,407 --> 00:10:47,410
I love you.
282
00:10:49,646 --> 00:10:51,297
Love you, too.
283
00:10:51,298 --> 00:10:52,465
(chuckles)
284
00:11:00,123 --> 00:11:01,690
Oh, friggety-frak.
285
00:11:01,691 --> 00:11:04,092
Not this again.
286
00:11:07,085 --> 00:11:11,372
Three, four, five--
pass go, get 2,000 rupees--
287
00:11:11,373 --> 00:11:13,624
six, seven.
288
00:11:13,625 --> 00:11:16,927
Whoops. Can't go any further.
There's a sacred cow in my way.
289
00:11:16,928 --> 00:11:18,346
Bernadette, please
tell your boyfriend
290
00:11:18,347 --> 00:11:20,164
to cool it with
the cow jokes.
291
00:11:20,165 --> 00:11:21,365
It won't help.
292
00:11:21,366 --> 00:11:23,267
Once he finds a joke he likes,
he sticks with it.
293
00:11:23,268 --> 00:11:24,502
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Yeah.
294
00:11:24,503 --> 00:11:25,870
Like his haircut material.
295
00:11:25,871 --> 00:11:28,005
Oh, right.
Did you get your hair cut?
296
00:11:28,006 --> 00:11:30,541
"No. I got them all cut."
297
00:11:31,309 --> 00:11:33,678
Which is still
so funny.
298
00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,397
And when you go
to a Chinese restaurant,
299
00:11:36,398 --> 00:11:38,716
he always gets the same fortune
in his fortune cookie.
300
00:11:38,717 --> 00:11:40,351
Right. "Help, I'm a prisoner
301
00:11:40,352 --> 00:11:42,353
in a Chinese
fortune cookie factory."
302
00:11:44,356 --> 00:11:46,457
Okay, I think that's enough
about me.
303
00:11:46,458 --> 00:11:48,859
He's right. Let's make
fun of his mother.
304
00:11:49,861 --> 00:11:51,896
"Howard, come rub my feet!
305
00:11:51,897 --> 00:11:54,598
My corns are killing me!"
306
00:11:55,834 --> 00:11:58,335
"Howard, help me
out of the tub!
307
00:11:58,336 --> 00:12:00,705
I'm stuck again!"
308
00:12:03,241 --> 00:12:04,475
(knock at door)
309
00:12:04,476 --> 00:12:06,644
Coming.
310
00:12:08,764 --> 00:12:10,981
Hey, lovebug.
311
00:12:11,850 --> 00:12:13,100
Shut up.
312
00:12:13,101 --> 00:12:15,102
You know what I've been doing
for the last hour?
313
00:12:15,103 --> 00:12:17,755
Mm, dreamily doodling
"Mrs. Leonard Hofstadter"
314
00:12:17,756 --> 00:12:19,389
in a notebook?
315
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,492
Listening to my father
go on and on
316
00:12:21,493 --> 00:12:22,993
about what a great guy you are.
317
00:12:22,994 --> 00:12:26,297
You got to admit,
I am... I'm delightful.
318
00:12:27,566 --> 00:12:29,600
Why are you making this
so difficult?
319
00:12:29,601 --> 00:12:30,835
It's not difficult for me.
320
00:12:30,836 --> 00:12:32,536
I'm having fun.
321
00:12:32,537 --> 00:12:33,738
Leonard.
322
00:12:33,739 --> 00:12:35,372
What do you want me to do?
You started this.
323
00:12:35,373 --> 00:12:37,374
Do you want to go over
and tell him we're broken up?
324
00:12:37,375 --> 00:12:38,442
No.
Well, then, what do you want?
325
00:12:38,443 --> 00:12:39,643
I don't know.
326
00:12:39,644 --> 00:12:41,045
Don't you think that's something
you should
327
00:12:41,046 --> 00:12:42,646
have figured out
before you stomped over here?
328
00:12:42,647 --> 00:12:45,049
Maybe.
329
00:12:46,151 --> 00:12:47,718
Leonard, Penny, excellent.
330
00:12:47,719 --> 00:12:50,221
I'd like to say I'm very happy
that you're back together,
331
00:12:50,222 --> 00:12:52,757
and if I can figure out
a way to do so
332
00:12:52,758 --> 00:12:55,192
and sound sincere, I will.
333
00:12:55,193 --> 00:12:56,593
In the meantime,
334
00:12:56,594 --> 00:12:58,662
I'd like to go over
some proposed changes
335
00:12:58,663 --> 00:13:00,931
to the roommate agreement
specifically to address
336
00:13:00,932 --> 00:13:02,616
Penny's annoying
personal habits.
337
00:13:02,617 --> 00:13:04,535
Oh, my God.
338
00:13:04,536 --> 00:13:06,954
What personal habits?
I have a list.
339
00:13:06,955 --> 00:13:11,275
FYI, overuse of the phrase
"Oh, my God" is number 12.
340
00:13:12,410 --> 00:13:14,111
Okay, Sheldon,
you don't have to do this
341
00:13:14,112 --> 00:13:15,496
because Leonard and I are not...
Ba-ba-ba-ba.
342
00:13:15,497 --> 00:13:17,615
Are you sure you want
to include him in this?
343
00:13:17,616 --> 00:13:19,150
Include me in what?
344
00:13:19,151 --> 00:13:20,718
Is there a plot afoot?
345
00:13:20,719 --> 00:13:23,120
I'll have no
truck with plots.
346
00:13:23,121 --> 00:13:24,555
No, you're right.
347
00:13:24,556 --> 00:13:28,025
No, there's... there's no plots,
no trucks, no feet.
348
00:13:28,026 --> 00:13:30,394
So what other annoying habits
shall we discuss?
349
00:13:30,395 --> 00:13:32,763
Uh, we don't
discuss anything.
350
00:13:32,764 --> 00:13:35,800
Leonard is the signatory
to the roommate agreement.
351
00:13:35,801 --> 00:13:37,568
As such, he bears
responsibility
352
00:13:37,569 --> 00:13:40,471
for all your infractions
and must pay all fines.
353
00:13:41,273 --> 00:13:42,673
Fines?
Yes.
354
00:13:42,674 --> 00:13:44,241
If Penny's going to be
spending nights here again,
355
00:13:44,242 --> 00:13:45,709
you'll need to set up
an escrow account.
356
00:13:45,710 --> 00:13:47,144
Sign here.
357
00:13:51,249 --> 00:13:52,683
Hello, Hawaii.
358
00:13:52,684 --> 00:13:55,152
This is Dr. Koothrappali
in Pasadena.
359
00:13:55,153 --> 00:13:58,489
I'd like you to reposition
the telescope, please.
360
00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:00,891
Scarlett Johansson's house!
361
00:14:00,892 --> 00:14:02,893
(laughing)
362
00:14:02,894 --> 00:14:04,545
I'm kidding, Hawaii.
363
00:14:04,546 --> 00:14:06,463
Mahalo.
364
00:14:06,464 --> 00:14:08,516
Whoo!
365
00:14:09,534 --> 00:14:10,935
It might have
been a mistake
366
00:14:10,936 --> 00:14:12,870
to open that second
bottle of wine.
367
00:14:12,871 --> 00:14:15,172
Well, live and learn.
368
00:14:15,173 --> 00:14:17,675
So, Raj, do you think this
planet you're looking for
369
00:14:17,676 --> 00:14:20,411
could have an atmosphere
that supports life?
370
00:14:20,412 --> 00:14:21,545
Maybe.
371
00:14:21,546 --> 00:14:23,414
If it did, I'd be famous.
372
00:14:23,415 --> 00:14:25,349
I'd be on the cover
of magazines.
373
00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:26,951
And then,
instead of living alone
374
00:14:26,952 --> 00:14:29,286
in my tiny apartment,
I'd have a big mansion.
375
00:14:29,287 --> 00:14:30,754
That sounds great.
376
00:14:30,755 --> 00:14:32,223
It is.
377
00:14:32,224 --> 00:14:34,425
If you like wandering
around a big, empty house
378
00:14:34,426 --> 00:14:37,061
with no one to love you.
379
00:14:38,797 --> 00:14:40,898
We'd come visit you.
No, you wouldn't.
380
00:14:40,899 --> 00:14:44,101
You'd be intimidated
by my wealth and fame.
381
00:14:45,070 --> 00:14:46,103
My only friends would be
382
00:14:46,104 --> 00:14:47,538
my genetically engineered
monkey butler
383
00:14:47,539 --> 00:14:50,908
and the little people I hired
to be my living chess set.
384
00:14:52,944 --> 00:14:55,713
He's taking a turn to
the dark side, isn't he?
385
00:14:55,714 --> 00:14:57,882
Hold on.
He could come back.
386
00:14:57,883 --> 00:14:59,250
Oh, what's the point
of everything?
387
00:14:59,251 --> 00:15:01,685
Nope. He's gone.
388
00:15:01,686 --> 00:15:03,237
You know it's been more
than a year
389
00:15:03,238 --> 00:15:04,488
since I've even kissed a girl?
390
00:15:04,489 --> 00:15:07,575
What about that hookup
at Comic-Con you told me about?
391
00:15:07,576 --> 00:15:08,859
Oh, grow up. I was lying.
392
00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:11,328
I lie all the time.
Nobody wants to kiss me.
393
00:15:11,329 --> 00:15:13,597
Oh, you poor, poor thing.
394
00:15:13,598 --> 00:15:16,500
Raj, you have to know
you're a wonderful man.
395
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:19,169
There are a lot of girls out
there who'll want to kiss you.
396
00:15:19,170 --> 00:15:21,105
Where?
397
00:15:21,106 --> 00:15:23,073
You just have to look.
398
00:15:25,844 --> 00:15:28,779
(distorted):
No!
399
00:15:38,189 --> 00:15:40,357
Well, this was fun.
400
00:15:45,864 --> 00:15:47,831
Oh! I think
I got a nibble.
401
00:15:47,832 --> 00:15:49,617
Oh, be careful.
402
00:15:49,618 --> 00:15:52,253
Give him some line.
403
00:15:52,254 --> 00:15:54,738
Okay, now reel him in.
404
00:15:54,739 --> 00:15:56,774
Oh, look at that baby.
405
00:15:56,775 --> 00:15:58,275
They're really biting, huh?
406
00:15:58,276 --> 00:16:01,128
Yeah. They do that
when you set it on easy.
407
00:16:02,347 --> 00:16:03,681
(cell phone ringing)
408
00:16:03,682 --> 00:16:05,783
Oh, that's me.
409
00:16:05,784 --> 00:16:07,301
Hello.
410
00:16:07,302 --> 00:16:08,585
Oh, hi, sweetie.
411
00:16:08,586 --> 00:16:10,888
Yeah, I got up early
and didn't want to wake you,
412
00:16:10,889 --> 00:16:13,857
so I went out for coffee and ran
into Leonard on the way back.
413
00:16:13,858 --> 00:16:16,593
Guess what-- we're fishing.
414
00:16:16,594 --> 00:16:19,196
Yeah. Right here on his couch.
415
00:16:20,015 --> 00:16:22,232
Hey, baby. I love you!
416
00:16:22,233 --> 00:16:24,034
(smacking lips)
417
00:16:24,035 --> 00:16:25,769
That's Leonard.
418
00:16:25,770 --> 00:16:28,272
Says he loves you.
419
00:16:28,273 --> 00:16:30,474
What?
420
00:16:31,743 --> 00:16:33,243
I see.
421
00:16:33,244 --> 00:16:35,312
The whole thing's
bull squirt, huh?
422
00:16:37,015 --> 00:16:39,316
Well, that's very disappointing.
423
00:16:39,317 --> 00:16:41,518
Bye.
424
00:16:47,559 --> 00:16:48,959
Oh, hey.
425
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,929
There's been something I've
been meaning to tell you.
426
00:16:53,014 --> 00:16:55,299
I can't believe you would
lie to me like that.
427
00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:57,001
Just for the record, I did not
want to be a part of this.
428
00:16:57,002 --> 00:16:58,268
I'll get to you in a minute.
429
00:16:58,269 --> 00:17:00,237
No hurry.
430
00:17:00,238 --> 00:17:02,339
That my own daughter thinks
I don't love her enough
431
00:17:02,340 --> 00:17:04,191
to support her no matter
what choices she makes--
432
00:17:04,192 --> 00:17:05,275
well, that hurts me deeply.
433
00:17:05,276 --> 00:17:06,510
I'm sorry, Daddy...
Let me finish.
434
00:17:06,511 --> 00:17:07,778
Oh.
435
00:17:07,779 --> 00:17:09,146
I thought we were
past the days
436
00:17:09,147 --> 00:17:11,482
when you would try
to pull the wool over my eyes.
437
00:17:11,483 --> 00:17:14,752
Telling me the baggie in your
underwear drawer is potpourri?
438
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,388
And the pee stick
in your bathroom
439
00:17:17,389 --> 00:17:19,456
is to check for diabetes?
440
00:17:23,395 --> 00:17:25,329
You know, I'm sorry.
441
00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:27,131
You're a grown woman,
and I respect your right
442
00:17:27,132 --> 00:17:28,999
to make your own decisions,
but all I ask
443
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,001
is you respect me enough
to be honest about them.
444
00:17:31,002 --> 00:17:33,870
You're right. Look, from now on,
I will tell you the truth.
445
00:17:33,871 --> 00:17:36,056
Thank you. Now, why don't you go
and put some clothes on
446
00:17:36,057 --> 00:17:38,475
and we'll grab a bite to eat
before I head for the airport.
447
00:17:38,476 --> 00:17:40,144
- Now you.
- Daddy, he had nothing to do...
448
00:17:40,145 --> 00:17:41,979
- Keep walking.
- Okay.
449
00:17:44,282 --> 00:17:45,482
(door closes)
450
00:17:45,483 --> 00:17:49,086
Please, please, please
don't give up on her.
451
00:17:51,056 --> 00:17:53,157
What?
452
00:17:53,158 --> 00:17:55,225
I can't go back to the
skateboard idiots,
453
00:17:55,226 --> 00:17:56,827
the white rappers
and all those
454
00:17:56,828 --> 00:18:00,230
sweaty dumb-asses with
their backwards hats.
455
00:18:01,232 --> 00:18:04,234
Gee, I don't know
if it's in the cards, sir.
456
00:18:04,235 --> 00:18:05,736
Then, stack the deck.
457
00:18:05,737 --> 00:18:07,171
Cheat.
458
00:18:07,172 --> 00:18:09,273
Lie. I don't care.
459
00:18:09,274 --> 00:18:10,874
I want grandkids before I die,
460
00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:13,777
and I want them to grow up
in a house without wheels.
461
00:18:19,851 --> 00:18:21,418
I'll give it a shot.
462
00:18:21,419 --> 00:18:23,087
Thank you.
463
00:18:23,088 --> 00:18:24,972
Now I'm going to do something
here to help you along.
464
00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:26,640
Excuse me?
Just don't panic.
465
00:18:26,641 --> 00:18:29,893
Now, get your sorry,
lying ass out of my face
466
00:18:29,894 --> 00:18:32,129
and make sure I
never see it again!
467
00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:34,098
Oh, the reverse psychology
thing.
468
00:18:34,099 --> 00:18:35,566
I see. That's very clever.
469
00:18:35,567 --> 00:18:37,801
Don't yap. Just get out.
470
00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,437
I'll friend you on Facebook.
471
00:18:47,045 --> 00:18:48,679
Oh, there you are.
472
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,281
Just so you know,
I was up all night,
473
00:18:51,282 --> 00:18:53,183
but I have finally completed
474
00:18:53,184 --> 00:18:57,020
the Penny-specific section
of the new roommate agreement.
475
00:18:57,021 --> 00:18:58,689
Yeah, well, not necessary.
476
00:18:58,690 --> 00:19:00,457
We broke up again.
477
00:19:12,670 --> 00:19:15,839
Do you even think
about other people, Leonard?
478
00:19:17,175 --> 00:19:19,243
Do you?
479
00:19:24,799 --> 00:19:27,501
- Hey.
- Oh, how'd it go last night?
480
00:19:27,564 --> 00:19:29,682
Oh, you know.
481
00:19:29,683 --> 00:19:31,434
Same old, same old.
482
00:19:31,435 --> 00:19:33,269
Looked through a telescope,
saw some stars.
483
00:19:33,270 --> 00:19:34,687
Big whoop.
484
00:19:34,688 --> 00:19:35,871
Really?
485
00:19:35,872 --> 00:19:37,356
You waited months
for time with that telescope.
486
00:19:37,357 --> 00:19:38,491
What happened?
487
00:19:38,492 --> 00:19:41,077
Why? You writing a book?
488
00:19:41,078 --> 00:19:43,329
I'm going to propose
a hypothesis.
489
00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:46,582
Last night,
Raj accidentally made contact
490
00:19:46,583 --> 00:19:49,218
with an alien civilization
491
00:19:49,219 --> 00:19:51,387
and has been ordered
by the United States government
492
00:19:51,388 --> 00:19:53,422
to keep it a secret.
493
00:19:54,257 --> 00:19:55,391
Nothing happened.
494
00:19:55,392 --> 00:19:57,159
Can we please just
change the subject?
495
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:58,694
That sounds rehearsed.
496
00:19:58,695 --> 00:20:00,329
We are not alone.
497
00:20:01,164 --> 00:20:02,164
Hey.
498
00:20:02,165 --> 00:20:03,499
Hey.
Hello.
499
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:05,768
Hey.
Hey.
500
00:20:07,137 --> 00:20:09,505
You get to play with
Raj's big telescope last night?
501
00:20:12,042 --> 00:20:13,542
Whoa.
502
00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:15,361
Where did that come from?
503
00:20:15,362 --> 00:20:17,913
He never touched my telescope.
504
00:20:17,914 --> 00:20:19,482
Way to go shutting up.
505
00:20:19,483 --> 00:20:20,616
I did shut up. Now you shut up.
506
00:20:20,617 --> 00:20:21,984
Fine.
Thank you.
507
00:20:22,085 --> 00:20:26,022
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
508
00:20:27,023 --> 00:20:29,725
I can't believe
you didn't call me this morning.