1 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,152 Okay, I'll... I'll get that. 2 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,593 Hello? 3 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,717 Hey, Manny's getting his outfit together for the dance tonight... 4 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,791 I was just taking some supplies out to the car. 5 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,552 Isn't this exciting, the boys' first dance? 6 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:21,235 Greatest day of my life. Does Phil have a green pocket square for him? 7 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:22,833 - Teal. - Teal. 8 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,798 I don't know. I don't think Phil's really a pocket square kind of a guy. 9 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,154 Wow. 10 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:28,875 Wow. 11 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,473 Why don't we conference in Mitch? 12 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,552 Ay, look. This might work. 13 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:35,835 Well, except that it's turquoise. 14 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,399 Oh, and a bra! 15 00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:40,074 Do you think the kids in my village have pocket squares? 16 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:41,593 Here we go with the village. 17 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,989 - Dad, you still there? - Unfortunately, yes. 18 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,231 Please ask Claire what time do I need to be at the school to help set up. 19 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,197 - Gloria wants to know... - No, I heard. I heard. 20 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:53,239 Um, tell her thank you so much, but we have all the help we could possibly need... 21 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,515 and she doesn't even have to come tonight if she doesn't want to. 22 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,318 - Claire said... - I heard. 23 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,709 Hello? 24 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,678 - Oh, hey, Mitch. Where are you? - Oh, we're at the park. 25 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,990 You would not believe how some of these people dress their kids. 26 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,913 Lily's friend just pulled a Britney Spears getting out of a sandbox car. 27 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,513 So Dad's on the line. 28 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,239 Do you have a teal pocket square for Manny? 29 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,151 Cam, Manny needs a teal pocket square. 30 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,754 - Oh, I've got teal, I've got aqua, I've got seafoam. - Yeah, Cam's got one. 31 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,751 - Cam's got one. - Yes! 32 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,592 Oh, you know what? I lent it to Andre. 33 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,272 Uh, he lent it to Andre. 34 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,351 - Flag on the play. - What's that mean? 35 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:25,953 What's it mean? 36 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:28,673 Now I got to go to the mall. 37 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,310 Is this okay? 38 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,630 Oh, hey, Luke has to go to the mall too. 39 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,551 - What? - Phil. 40 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:38,113 Let's go, Incredible Hulk. 41 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,471 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 42 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,471 # Hey, hey # 43 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,391 # Hey, hey # 44 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,436 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 45 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:48,635 ♪ Hey ♪♪ 46 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,356 Hey. 47 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:53,714 - Hi. - Hi. 48 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,392 Is that your little girl over there, Lily? 49 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,118 - Yes. Look at her. - Yes. 50 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,397 Uh, this is a little bit awkward, but she bit Tyler. 51 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,835 - Oh, no. - Oh, my goodness. 52 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,797 I... I don't even know what to say. 53 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,314 She's never done anything like that before. How did it happen? 54 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,799 I don't know. I didn't see it. 55 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,836 - Uh-huh. - Mm-hmm. 56 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:12,831 It's time to play everyone's favorite game. 57 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,353 "Let's blame the gay dads." 58 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,238 - You know who had straight parents... Adolf Hitler. - Charles Manson. 59 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,072 - Shall we go on? - Naomi Campbell. 60 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,957 I know it happened. 61 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,951 He's got bite marks on his arm. 62 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,439 Oh, wow, yeah. Oh, gosh. 63 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,511 Someone really sunk their teeth into ya, huh? 64 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,956 It's 'cause you're such a yummy little guy. Yes. 65 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,473 Our daughter didn't do that. 66 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,073 - But he said... - Right. 67 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,559 He's probably just confused. 68 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,631 You know who I bet did it, though? Billy. 69 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,995 Rhymes with "Lily." Plus, he is very aggressive. 70 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:40,672 His babysitter is right over there. 71 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,910 She's... She's not much of a disciplinarian. 72 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,433 Because I can assure you... 73 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:45,919 if our child did something like this... 74 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,797 we would be on her like white on rice. 75 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:50,189 And I know that sounds a little bit like a racial slur... 76 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,350 because we're white and she presumably likes rice... 77 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,271 but I didn't intend it that way. 78 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,479 Ah, finally. There's a spot. 79 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:59,551 Oh. 80 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,915 Guys, I am just bursting with pride right now. 81 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,673 Your first dance. Soon you're gonna be men. 82 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,671 I want you to know there's more to being a man... 83 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,159 than just shopping for fancy outfits. 84 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,958 Yep. Pretty soon you get some hair on your chest. 85 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,315 You start answering the phone, people don't think you're ladies. 86 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,633 Come on. Today, Miss Daisy. 87 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,156 Actually, Miss Daisy was the one being driven, not the one driving. 88 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,834 - Never saw it. - It's called Driving Miss Daisy. 89 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,229 You got a real lip on you today, you know that? 90 00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:30,512 Hey, that was our spot! 91 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,478 What are you doing? You gonna let him snake your spot? 92 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:34,993 Not worth it. 93 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,310 Boys, here's the only thing you gotta know about being a man... 94 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,231 never let someone take what is yours. 95 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,198 Unless it's just a parking spot and there's plenty of others. 96 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,191 That's sweet, Phil. You ought to write that down. 97 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,794 You got any lipstick in your purse? 98 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,235 I love Jay. Are you kidding me? He's my boy. 99 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,437 Yeah, he gives me a hard time, but that's the deal with a father-in-law. 100 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:57,355 The key is, I never let him see just how much it devastates me. 101 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,476 - It's Dunphy. - That's what I said... Dumphy. 102 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,790 No, not "Dum." Dunphy. 103 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:02,835 Dumphy. 104 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:03,909 - Say "Dun." - Dun. 105 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,399 - Say "phy." - Phy. 106 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:06,879 - Dunphy. - Dumphy. 107 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,311 All right, just bring it this way. This way. 108 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,311 There it is. Perfect. Thank you. Perfect. 109 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,630 - Claire! - What? 110 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,358 Can you ask Gus to fix that light? 111 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,113 - I asked him, but he just growled at me. - Oh, gosh. Okay. 112 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,953 Gus, stop scaring Bethenny and fix the light, please. 113 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,439 Don't make me come over there. 114 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:26,511 I'm busy. You fix it. 115 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,956 Is this because I said I wouldn't come to the dance with you? 116 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,951 Gus, I'm a married woman. People would talk. 117 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,270 One dance with me, you'd forget all about it. 118 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,158 Yeah, I already have a husband who doesn't fix lights. 119 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:38,753 Please? 120 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,512 Thank you so much. 121 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,795 This school would literally fall apart without you. 122 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:46,472 Oh, well, I don't know about "literally," but... 123 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,233 ¡ Hola! ¡ Hola! I'm here. 124 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,629 Oh, you came anyway. That's great. 125 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,278 I think it's great too. 126 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,272 A few weeks ago, they asked for someone to be in charge of the school dance... 127 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,793 and I volunteered. 128 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,350 The school asks for volunteers so that everybody will feel included. 129 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,432 But who are they kidding? They want me to do it. 130 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,751 I've put on every school dance since Haley was 12. It's my thing. 131 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,637 They made us cochairs... 132 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,518 which means we're supposed to do everything together. 133 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,637 But Claire won't take any of my ideas. 134 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:19,349 She suggested an Arabian Nights theme. 135 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,158 Isn't it a little soon? 136 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,992 Okay. Hey, everybody... 137 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,469 do you know Gloria, Manny's mom? 138 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,074 - She's here to help us out today. - I'm the cochair. 139 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:29,639 - Oh. - Mm-hmm. 140 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,030 So the kids are gonna be here in two hours, so everybody back to work. 141 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,633 Everybody back to work. 142 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,153 I just said that. 143 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,958 And I just co-said it. 144 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,996 I mean the nerve of that lady, accusing Lily. 145 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,832 Mmm. You know what? You can't change people, Cam. 146 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,717 I mean, we just have to rise above. 147 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,870 - Ow! Ohh! - What happened? 148 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,315 - She bit me. - Are you serious? 149 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:56,076 Ohh! She did it again. It's like Twilight back here. 150 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,993 No. No ice cream for you, Billy... 151 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,719 because the lady say you biting. 152 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,233 - Okay, go, go! - Yeah. 153 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,356 - Go, go, go. Drive. - Okay. 154 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,353 Are you sure this is teal? 155 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,590 'Cause I'm starting to get a real strong green thing here. 156 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,432 That's the fluorescent lights. 157 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,670 Do you mind if I walk this over to Lamps Galore? 158 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,478 I need you to worry about this less. 159 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,870 Guess who fit into the suit on the mannequin and saved us 20%? 160 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,396 Here's something I didn't know about mannequins... they don't have a wiener. 161 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:28,913 What the heck is that? 162 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,797 It's a nicer word for "penis." 163 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,598 No, I mean, what the heck is this? 164 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,193 - It's a tie. - It's teal. 165 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,748 I don't care. I just grabbed the first one I saw. 166 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:38,512 - Well, grab a different one. - No! 167 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,431 Now I like it. 168 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,636 Uh, I think we were here first. 169 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,995 I just have one thing. I'm in a big rush. 170 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:47,116 - So are we. - That's fine. Go ahead. 171 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,236 - Seriously. - Jay, it's not a big deal. 172 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,788 And can you give me the sale prices for some things I bought last week? 173 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,519 Oh, for God's sake! Now this is what I'm talking about, boys. 174 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,511 You give people an inch, they'll run all over you. 175 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,352 Or you could just be nice. Pay it forward. 176 00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:59,953 They don't make movies out of bad ideas. 177 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,951 All I know is you gotta fight for what you want. 178 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:05,794 If there's one job available, this guy just got it and they go hungry at the Dumphys. 179 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,711 Dunphys. 180 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,996 Okay, I don't get it. Why is she biting? 181 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,878 - Lily, why are you biting? - She's not biting, she's teething. 182 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:18,511 On people. All right, she starts biting her playdates, she's gonna be a pariah. 183 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,113 - Try piranha. - Really, Cam? 184 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,235 It was right there. 185 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,788 All right, you should also know that I, in no way... 186 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,871 in no way blame you. 187 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,076 - Thank you. Why would you blame me? - I don't. 188 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,391 - Well, good, because I don't blame you. - Well, obviously. 189 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,278 - Uh, okay, well, now I'm starting to feel the blame. - No. 190 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:37,875 No. Don't. It's... It's just that you're with her all day. 191 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,077 Oh, wow. I have a daughter who bites and a partner who stings. 192 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,799 Okay. Okay, you want to know the truth? 193 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,519 Sometimes you send her some mixed signals. 194 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,910 I'm gonna bite your feet. I'm gonna bite 'em right off. 195 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,479 Oh, I'm not the one who uses my teeth like a multi-tool. 196 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,039 Here we go. 197 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,872 Cookies for Lily... 198 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,554 wine for us. 199 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:02,675 Okay. 200 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,273 I can't believe you would equate that... 201 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,238 Don't bite my head off. I'm not a pack of batteries. 202 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,990 - Whoa! - ¡Ay! 203 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:18,153 - Why is this box here? - I am sorry. We did because we were moving the tables. 204 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:20,071 Why are you moving the tables? 205 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:24,517 - So the kids have more space to dance. It's better this way. - Is it really, Gloria? 206 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:29,230 Because right now it kinda just looks like a clump of tables and a big open space. 207 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,278 Look, I'm sorry, but we've always done it this way. 208 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,079 And I think it's gonna throw people off if you move them around. 209 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:38,869 Oh, my God. These tables look great. Who did this? 210 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,871 - I did. - I love it. 211 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,518 Hello. 212 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,909 We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Gloria. 213 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,479 I'm Bethenny. 214 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:50,235 I don't know if anybody's ever told you this, but you're really pretty. 215 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,311 No. No, Bethenny, no one's ever told her that. 216 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,790 I am seriously freaking out about these tables. 217 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,519 You know what? Let's just put a pin in where we're gonna put the tables. 218 00:08:58,600 --> 00:08:59,999 Yes, we're keeping the tables. 219 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,308 So what else can I do? 220 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:05,757 - Um, you can... help me with the chairs. - Okay. 221 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,958 We need a lot of them. They're under the stage right here, so... 222 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,793 It's like dirty and dark there, no? 223 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,598 Yeah, I know. Bummer, right? 224 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:15,715 Ew! 225 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,837 - Off you go. - It smells funny, Claire! 226 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,309 So sorry. Keep going. 227 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,757 What? We needed chairs. 228 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,593 What are you guys talking about? 229 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:45,117 No, nothing. He was just saying how much he loves the tables. 230 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:50,274 If I had the receipt, I wouldn't need you to look it up. 231 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:54,592 At this rate, I'm gonna miss the first dance... at my wedding. 232 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,432 I thought he only had one item? 233 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,830 Tell your dad if it were up to me, we'd have been in and out of here in about 10 minutes. 234 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:01,592 - You mentioned that. - And I'll probably mention it again. 235 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,240 - Because thanks to someone, we're gonna be here a while. - Yeah, I get it. 236 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,073 - Luke, you should order that suit in a larger size... - I get it. 237 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,390 - Because by the time we get out of here... - Pay for the suit. 238 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,119 - Where the hell are you going? - Luke needs socks. 239 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,031 Make 'em teal. 240 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,315 You're playing a very dangerous game. 241 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,515 Hey, boys. 242 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,672 Look who it is, the guy that stole our parking spot. 243 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,557 Are you going to hit him? I'd totally hit him. 244 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,552 I'm not gonna hit him, but I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. 245 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,916 Now, boys, pay attention. You wanna be men? This is how you handle a jerk like this. 246 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,230 Hey, chief. 247 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,437 - You know, you stole our parking space today. - What? 248 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,034 That's right. I was waiting for the parking space, you sneaked right in there. 249 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,519 That make you feel like a big man? 250 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,558 - Did I? I didn't even notice. - That's no excuse. 251 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,471 I'm really sorry. 252 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,950 My dog died today. I had to put him to sleep. 253 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:48,632 Fourteen years. 254 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,073 He was all I had. 255 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:54,357 Now I can't stand the thought of going back to my empty apartment. 256 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,908 - So I just keep wandering around the mall. - You know what? 257 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,468 Forget about the... spot. 258 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:03,155 God! That was his name! 259 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,438 Do not hit him. 260 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,232 Oasis for Men? 261 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,277 That's funny. 262 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,669 You made that sound like a question, then you didn't wait for me to answer. 263 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,239 - What? - Here, let me show you. 264 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,914 You go... You go, "Oasis for... Men?" 265 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,672 You see what I mean? You went "Oasis for... Men?" 266 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,990 You should have said, "Oasis for Men." Then I go, "Yeah. Give me two." 267 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:30,832 But instead, you went, "Oasis for... Men." 268 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:32,353 - Okay, I get it. - You see what I mean? 269 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,193 - I get it! - No, I'm not sure you do! You sprayed before "men." 270 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,759 You went "Oasis for... Men." 271 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,193 - Okay. Okay. - Men. Men. 272 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,235 - Okay, stop it. - Men! Men! 273 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:40,878 - Men! Men! Men! - Stop it! 274 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,952 - Men! Men! Men! Men! Men! - Stop it! Stop it! 275 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,430 Men! Men! Men! Men! 276 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,070 - Hey, Phil. - Hey. 277 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,515 I don't know what happened. 278 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:10,388 I just... I... I don't know what happened. 279 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,837 Look, I might have come down on you a little bit hard today. I'm sorry. 280 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,956 I remember pretending to go look for some socks. 281 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:20,430 I mean, it's, uh, my fault. I pushed your buttons. 282 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,636 My father-in-law was the same way with me. It was horrible. 283 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,438 Grandpa Lucus? He was a sweetheart. 284 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:28,513 Yeah, after the stroke mellowed him out good. Before, an animal. 285 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,113 We named Luke after him. 286 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,633 Everything I did was wrong. 287 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,029 If I said it was white, he'd say it was black. 288 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,556 Although he never said anything was black, 'cause he was a pretty big racist. 289 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,756 - I wear his watch. - I hated him. 290 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,068 Hated him! 291 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:44,914 And I was thinking, I don't know... 292 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,390 I don't want you to think the same way about me. 293 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:52,234 You ever think about maybe not being a jerk to me so much? 294 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,118 You see, you got to stop taking that stuff personally. 295 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,395 I'm like that with everybody. I'm tough. 296 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,515 And mean. 297 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,511 I don't like to take guff. 298 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,195 - Or people's feelings into consideration. - Okay, okay. 299 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,590 I can't swear my way is the right way. 300 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,432 I see you smiling, skipping around... 301 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,318 and I think sometimes, I don't know, maybe the boys would be better off... 302 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,914 if they were a little bit more like you. 303 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,953 You know skipping burns more calories than running, that's... 304 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,270 We're done here. 305 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,672 Oh, hey, listen. They didn't tell me, but what did you do to that guy? Did you get him? 306 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,876 - Yeah. I sprayed him with cologne. - I'm sorry I asked. 307 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,157 No, but like a lot of cologne. I just like got way up in there. 308 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,952 Good boy. 309 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,636 - Did you find anything yet? - Yes. There's a whole section on biting on this mommy forum. 310 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,153 Oh, good. What does it say? 311 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:48,312 "My son was biting, so I got a stranger to yell at him. 312 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,437 Being disciplined by someone else outside the family scared him into stopping." 313 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,078 - Idiots! - Cam. 314 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:57,233 I am not hiring some hobo to come over here and traumatize my child. 315 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,436 She's already prone to flashbacks, if you know what I mean. 316 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,272 Okay, you know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right? 317 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,351 I don't know anything anymore. What else does it say? 318 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,874 Okay, well, this one says, "When my daughter bit her brother... 319 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,030 I put a pinch of pepper in her mouth. 320 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:12,272 She cried and cried, but she never bit again." Smiley face. 321 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,191 Oh, well, the smiley face makes it okay. 322 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,714 I waterboarded our toddler. LOL. 323 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,313 All right, what do you suggest we do? 324 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,678 That we log off the Spanish Inquisition Web site and handle this with love. 325 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,830 Okay, Lily. 326 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,832 ♪ Take a bite of an apple ♪ 327 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,753 ♪ Take a bite of a pear ♪ 328 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:36,472 ♪ Take a bite of the cookie that you left over there ♪ 329 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,393 ♪ Here's one thing you should never do ♪ 330 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,597 ♪ Don't bite Taylor or Brandon or Sue ♪ 331 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,877 ♪ Because people aren't food People aren't food ♪ 332 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,918 ♪ Your friends will run away if they're scared of being chewed ♪ 333 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,913 ♪ And as a side note, private parts are private ♪♪. 334 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,468 Well, problem solved. 335 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,836 I know you're being sarcastic, but you don't know that it's not. Ow! 336 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,035 Honey. 337 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:01,599 - Did she just bite you again? - No. 338 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,478 - That is it. I am getting the pepper. - No. No, you are not. 339 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,791 Cam, you're not doing her any favors by being soft. 340 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:11,156 Why don't you just skip the pepper, I'll get some pliers and we'll pull her teeth now! 341 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,516 - Relax. It's a seasoning. - Okay, well, then, why don't you try some? 342 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:15,635 - Stop it. - No, try a little. 343 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:16,914 - Stop it. - No, try a little bit. 344 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,399 - Stop it. - Don't you hit me. 345 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,914 - Stop it. - Here, put some in there. Ow! You bit me. 346 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,434 Well, why don't you sing me a song about it. 347 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:24,480 ## 348 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:27,074 ## 349 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:37,394 Oh, look at you two in your matching ties. 350 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,311 - Don't get me started. - Oh, come here. 351 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,590 - Luke, sweetie, are you wearing cologne? - No. 352 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,875 Dad attacked the perfume guy and then hugged me. 353 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,359 Okay. 354 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,908 I saw the boys in those adorable little suits... 355 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,514 and it made me realize this dance is about them. 356 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,433 It's not about me and my petty little competition with... 357 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,238 with Gloria. 358 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,912 ## 359 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,479 Who wears that to a kids' dance? 360 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,791 I know. She looks amazing. 361 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:15,829 Okay, I'm gonna slow things down with a blast from the past for our chaperones. 362 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,229 - Give them a hand. - ## 363 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,518 Oh, my God. 364 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,352 Oh, it's not a problem. 365 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,910 ♪ Now I look into your eyes ♪ 366 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,231 ♪ I can see forever ♪ 367 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,629 ♪ The search is over ♪. 368 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:44,272 - Oh. - ♪ You were with me all the while ♪ 369 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:47,830 ## 370 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,709 I'm... I'm fine. I'm fine. 371 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,791 I'm fine. 372 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,348 - I don't need a paper towel. - I'm sorry. I didn't even see you. 373 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,670 No, of course you didn't. Of course you didn't. 374 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,193 'Cause it's Gloria's night. 375 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:04,592 That's right. It's all about Gloria, Gloria, Gloria. 376 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,956 When you're done getting married... 377 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,395 maybe you could mop this up a little. 378 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:12,753 What was that? 379 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,512 It's this damn uniform. 380 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,113 ## 381 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,631 - Okay, we need to talk. - No, I am fine. I do not need to talk. 382 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,713 Well, you've been pushing me away the whole week. You've been fighting all my ideas. 383 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,314 That's because this is my thing, Gloria. 384 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,233 Why can't it be my thing too, Claire? 385 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,992 Because everything is your thing. 386 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,878 This... This is the one thing that was my thing. 387 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:40,191 This is my only thing. Oh, my God. This is my only thing. 388 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,794 And then you come along and you steal my thunder... 389 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,678 with your tight dresses and your great ideas. 390 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,594 I was the one that all the moms looked up to. I was the only one Gus liked. 391 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,114 Please, if you like him so much, you can keep him. 392 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,839 It's not the same now that I know he likes you. 393 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,992 That sounds really insane, but this isn't actually about Gus. 394 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,674 Really? Because you've been talking a lot about him. 395 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:01,988 Gloria, Gus is a symbol. 396 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,879 A sex symbol? 397 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,076 Oh, stop it, Gloria. I'm already crying. 398 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,390 Claire, I didn't come here to steal your thunder. 399 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,596 Your thunder is your thunder and my thunder is my thunder. 400 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:15,150 I know. It's just that God gave you so much thunder. 401 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,071 Yeah, maybe too much. 402 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,230 I hate how those woman look at me. 403 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,995 You think I don't know what they're thinking? "Ah, here comes the hot one... 404 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,435 with the big boobies that is gonna steal my husband." 405 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,193 And maybe they don't let their kids play with Manny. 406 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:32,512 I volunteer because I want them to see that there is so much more to me. 407 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,318 Why didn't you tell me that? 408 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,951 Maybe for the same reason you didn't tell me you had a weird thing for Gus. 409 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,076 - It's embarrassing. - Okay. 410 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:45,870 I am sorry. I made this whole thing into some ridiculous competition... 411 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,030 and I'm pathetic. 412 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,712 You're not pathetic. 413 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,515 Okay, that's a little bit sad. 414 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,591 We like to think we're so smart... 415 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,557 and we have all the answers. 416 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,791 And we want to pass all that on to our children. 417 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,519 But if you scratch beneath the surface... 418 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,114 you don't have to dig very deep to find the kid you were. 419 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,192 Which is why it's kinda crazy that now we're raising kids of our own. 420 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:13,872 You know what? This is a milestone. 421 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,428 We're accepting that our little angel isn't perfect. 422 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,829 That's right, and it's okay. 423 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,391 I... I take it back. 424 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,072 She is perfect. 425 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,878 I guess that's the real circle of life. 426 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,269 Your parents faked their way through it... 427 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,555 you fake your way through it... 428 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,791 and hopefully you don't raise a serial killer. 429 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,034 Ow! 430 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,479 That's not funny. 431 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:44,480 I am so sorry. 432 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,596 I am so sorry. 433 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,070 No, just come over. We'll watch a movie, put the whole thing behind you. 434 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,639 Okay, see you in a bit. 435 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,837 - That was Longines. He's in a very bad place. - Oh, no. What happened? 436 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,150 Well, apparently some maniac went crazy at the mall... 437 00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:58,958 and attacked him with Oasis for Men. 438 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,713 Oh, well, I think we all knew that day was coming. 439 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,075 All right, wish me luck. 440 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,752 Good luck. 441 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,628 Okay, honey, please don't hurt daddy. 442 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,149 All right, ahh. 443 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:18,749 English - US - SDH