Oh, man, I am loving this 3-alarm chili.
If anything, it's 31/2 alarms.
Could be 4-alarm.
Mm-hmm. Mmm.
What's the matter?
You jealous 'cause you wussed out
And got a turkey burger on hippie bread?
No, I just never seem to have a good day
Whenever you eat chili.
No? One man's loss.
I may need another bowl of this.
Okay, look, Dan.
We got about six arrest reports
We got to write up, all right?
If we don't get back to the office soon, Ruiz --
You know what words I just heard?
"office," "write," "report" --
Three words that did not form the basis
Of my decision to become a cop.
Well, be that as it may, we got to get back to work.
Hey! Hey, come back here!
Police officer. What's the problem, ma'am?
That guy just skipped out on his check.
Dine 'n' dash!
Never mind getting back to work, Jack!
Work just got back to us!
of course.
Oh!
Ohh!
Ugh!
Ho ho. Oh.
Get up, citizen.
Get up. Get your phone. Nothing to see here.
Go on, now. Get along.
Ohh. You okay?
Oh, I think I may be partially dead.
You break anything?
No, but I'm in a fair amount of pain.
Try sprinting with a gut full of that chili.
Think she'll give me a to-go thingy?
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
To stop a crime worth $6.52, plus tip?
Jack, it was not the cash value of a crime
That makes it crimey.
What does that even mean?
When someone skips on a check, you know who pays?
Let me guess -- society?
The server.
The woman's working for tips,
Surviving off of leftovers
Scraped off of other people's plates.
No, I'm pretty sure
The waitresses eat regular food, Dan.
Okay, fine, but that guy took off
Like he was shot out of a cannon.
You don't run that fast
Unless you're up to something -- case closed.
No, it's not. It's barely open.
And this is our new bullpen.
We've remodeled it recently,
So we're pretty proud of the way it looks.
Hodges, what's going on here?
The guy in the middle got promoted to deputy chief,
And he's making the rounds.
His name is George Jenkins.
What -- did you say George Jenkins?
What? We went to the academy together. Yeah.
He was my first partner.
Get out. Let's call him over.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Dan, we got a little history.
There was a thing -- Liz.
He wanted her, I got her, so do the math. Oh.
Bails? Jack Bailey, is that you?
Ha ha.
Well, look at you.
Still handsome as all hell.
What they got you working on, huh?
You running the place or what?
No, no, not really.
It's just, uh --
Me and my partner here just working on some cases.
Dan Stark. Yeah, the Dan Stark.
"Savage & Stark," 1985-- me.
Okay.
It's the real deal here. How you doing?
So, uh, you're working with Bails? Mm.
Well, that's awesome.
Yeah, for him it is.
Oh! I like this guy.
Yeah. oh, yeah. The great white Stark.
Get out. Oh, Stark attack!
Come on, man! How you make up them nicknames?!
It's a gift. It's classic!
Hey, Bails.
You promise to let me take you out for a beer?
Uh... Promise?
Hey, come on, now.
I'm not gonna stop saying "promise" till you promise.
You promise? Then I promise.
Oh! All right.
And you, watch out for him, Stark attack.
He'll steal your girl as soon as look at you.
Yeah, I'd like to see him try. Ow!
Oh, yeah! Huh?! What?! Huh?!
Got me.
Yeah, I totally see why you hate that guy.
What? I don't hate George.
Come on, Jack. You hate everything about him.
He's the dude who partied all Saturday night
Whilst you studied.
Then he cheated off your test.
Did I tell you that story?
Your eyes are telling me. I can see it.
It's killing you that he made deputy chief.
No, no, no, Dan. You're wrong.
I'm happy for George.
I'm glad that he's doing so well.
And I'm happy for us because we got ourselves...
One hell of a case.
It turns out you bent the frame
So they had to replace that, too.
Well, I knew I hit the window
With some righteous force, but $400?
Come on. Excuse me, ma'am.
Samantha here is gonna help sketch out
A description of the, uh --
Scumbag. No, the suspect.
The scumbag suspect.
So you're the sketch artist?
She's a lab tech.
The sketch artist wouldn't return our call.
But don't you worry.
No one draws a better perp than Sam.
Am I wrong? No.
Anyway, you guys, you do your thing.
Hey, while they're doing the sketch,
Maybe we should go in and get some more of that chili.
No more chili for you.
You see that ATM down there?
I've told you, Jacko.
Never give cash to a computer machine.
No, no, Dan.
Atms have video-surveillance cameras inside,
And that one is pointed directly at the diner.
Nice catch, Jacko.
I'll talk to Liz tomorrow
And see if I can't get a subpoena for the footage.
Yeah. Catch us a major criminal.
No, we'll catch a petty thief.
You don't know that.
Yeah, I do know that, Dan.
You want to know how I know that?
Major criminals don't eat at greasy-spoon diners
Stealing bear claws.
Major criminals eat at nice places
And commit major crimes.
Hello, mick.
Hey, ya, Jimmy. What's up?
I heard this funny story the other day,
And I just wanted to tell you.
Well, you remember the bookie on fifth street,
The one we had the, uh, point-shaving scam with last may?
Anyway, this is the funny part.
He says he heard you were talking to the D.A.
D.A.?
That's crazy.
Is that right?
If I were to look for your phone
And check out the recently dialed numbers,
I wouldn't find any calls to...
Uh-oh -- Liz traynor, assistant D.A.
You know, mick.
This story keeps getting funnier and funnier.
Why aren't you laughing?
Jimmy, please. I'm sorry.
Please. Plea--
Guy had no sense of humor.
It's good to see you, Bails.
It's good to see you, too, George,
Or is it deputy chief Jenkins now?
Incredible, man. Congratulations.
Yeah, well...
I've had a couple lucky bounces.
Just let me ask you something
That's been bugging me since yesterday.
No offense, but I was expecting big things from you.
Property crimes? That must be killing you.
Okay, it bugged me a little bit at first,
But Dan and I, we've done some good work over the past year.
And, plus, it's, you know, not just the cash value
Of a crime that makes it crimey.
Well, okay.
That partner of yours
With the mustache and the wide ties.
got to be kind of like working with your grandpa.
Dan Stark is the most passionate cop I've ever met.
And, plus, he keeps saying
That the wide ties are coming back.
Julius! Line me up some shots!
Celebratory style!
Holy -- what are you doing here, Jack?
You're not gonna believe it. Frank called.
They're re-releasing "Savage & Stark." what?
They're re-releasing "Savage & Stark."
No way. they are! They're doing it!
And who's Frank, now?
Frank Savage, my old partner.
Back in '85, we saved the governor's son
In kind of a spectacular fashion.
They made a movie about it --
Not just a movie, a movie of the week.
So, anyway, the Dallas museum of cultural history,
They're holding what they call a gala screening of it.
I am having a very hard time believing this.
Believe it, brother. believe it.
Come on! Julius! Give me a drink!
Thank you, darling.
To partners old and new.
Uh, uh, Dan, you just stole that lady's drink.
Oh, damn. I jumped the toast, didn't I? Yeah.
Man, that partner of yours can drink.
Yeah.
Thanks for doing the designated-driver thing, Bails.
Well, just like at the academy. Yeah.
Wow. Nice house. Nice car.
What car?
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
What? Whose, uh -- whose car is that?
Uh, it's nobody.
I-I better get in there.
All right. Take it easy.
Thanks for the ride.
I'll just go back to... My bear-claw bandit case.
What the hell?
I spend 10 years climbing the ladder at the Dallas pd,
And you risk it all parking your car in my driveway.
I thought I told Hey.
Let's not forget who's the boss here.
You don't tell me things. I tell you things.
Jimmy, my old partner dropped me off.
He's a Detective.
Super low-level one, but still.
He saw your car.
Well, it's a good thing
I got rid of my Jimmy Nichols mobster vanity plate.
What do you need, Jimmy?
Well, you remember mick, right?
He used to run numbers for me uptown?
He's outside...
In the trunk.
You brought a dead guy to my house?
Again with "my home"?
George, who bought you the house?
Now, this guy was talking to the D.A.
I don't know what he told them,
But, well, he's done talking.
Jimmy, every time you pull a stunt like this,
I got to find a new guy to pin it on.
I got to plant the evidence. I got to do the paperwork.
Hey, georgie, georgie, come on. I know it's hard work.
It's not just that it's hard work, Jimmy.
It's the stuff like this gonna get us caught one day.
By who? That partner of yours?
Forget that ex-partner. You got a new partner now.
Hey, Liz. Do you think you can get me a subpoena?
I need to take a look at some surveillance footage
from an ATM on Canton.
What's the case, Jack?
I was really hoping you weren't gonna ask.
It's a dine 'n' dash.
Dine 'n' dash? Yeah.
Someone dined and then, subsequently, they dashed.
Listen, will you think I'm completely horrible
If I tell you that I-I need
To put this on the back burner?
Well, not completely horrible.
Okay, thank you. I should really...
Ooh, closed door. This must be serious.
Lieutenant, I have reason to believe
Someone in the Dallas pd is working for Jimmy Nichols.
Nichols?
Good call on the door. I thought so.
I've been cultivating an informant in this organization
For months building a case.
I was supposed to meet with this informant last night,
And he never showed up, and that is not like him.
And this guy told you that someone in the department is on the take?
He didn't know who yet, but he was so close, and then...
Oh, boy. Okay.
We're gonna have to keep this quiet.
There's a lot of big talkers in this building.
Come on.
Come on, Julius. Don't play hard to snitch.
The dude is a lunch thief. He's the lowest of the low.
Dan, you think that just because of my, you know,
Checkered past that I'm supposed to know, like,
Every deadbeat's mug shot that you show me.
That's -- that's hurtful.
He's a scumbag. You're a former scumbag.
That's hurtful? Dan!
Julius, can you please just take a look?
You probably won't know the guy, but just in case.
You see that?
See how he talk to me like I was a human being?
Sweet. Thank you, Jack.
Okay, not a whole lot of defining characteristics
About this dude.
Samantha didn't get a good description,
But we're getting some video-surveillance footage.
Just it's taking awhile.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Is this a scar above his eyebrow, or did the pencil slip?
No, the waitress said
There was something about his eyebrow. Why?
I know a guy with a scar like this, man.
I just -- phil something -- phil, uh...
Come on. What was his last name?
Nix! Phil nix.
He's a numbers-runner out on inwood.
That's what I'm talking about, my man!
Okay. Come on.
I smell the perp blood already.
Okay, guys. Blood on the murder weapon.
That makes us happy.
Let's get this down to the csi lab for DNA testing.
Have forensics run an analysis on this gunshot wound
To pinpoint the exact time of death.
What I want to know is... Who was this guy?
This is him. This is mick.
This is my informant. God, Ana.
He took so many risks for me.
I can't help but feel it's -- no, Liz.
It is not your fault this guy died.
I guess. I don't know.
All I know is that that is six months
Building a case down the drain.
I'm sorry, Liz.
Are we pretty sure Nichols had him killed?
Actually, no. It was some deadbeat gambler.
Probably a stupid dispute over a debt.
You're kidding me. What's his name?
Phil nix, 1615 longstreet. It's right here.
That's the last lunch bill
This punk's gonna skip out on, I'll tell you that.
We should get something nice for Julius --
Payback, you know, for all the favors he's done.
That's very thoughtful of you, Dan.
Yeah, sure.
A snitch is like a wife.
You treat them however you want 12 months out of the year
As long as there's a diamond necklace
Under the christmas tree.
Okay. Well, now I know why you've never been married.
Oh, I've been married. Tons of times.
It's not natural.
Okay, let's do this.
Frank's picking me up for the premiere.
what the hell?
George, what the hell is going on here?
We're arresting the guy who lives in there.
No, we're arresting the guy who lives in there.
Looks like you guys can knock off early
'cause we're bringing this dude in for murder.
What did I tell you?
First it's lunches...
And then it's lives.
We found droplets of the suspect's blood
On the murder weapon.
There were signs of a struggle.
It's pretty clear that this is our guy.
Gorgeous, you've had your hand up for a long time.
I'll give him one thing. He is a handsome son of a gun.
But not too handsome as to be off-putting.
He's, you know, the kind of guy
You'd like to have a beer with.
Now, my team was able to scientifically pinpoint
The exact time of death -- Tuesday, 1:30 P.M.
They're putting together a detailed forensics repor--
Okay, wait a second. Huh?
This guy was killed at 1:30 on Tuesday
In an alley in oak cliff?
Yeah, I'm just glad that DNA stuff
Wasn't around in the '70s.
I was leaving fluids damn near everywhere.
Dan, we were chasing that guy out of a diner
In east Dallas on Tuesday at 1:30.
I hear where you're going, Jacko, and I love it.
You think George has the wrong guy?
I don't know. Maybe we do.
I mean, they got a DNA report.
All we're going off is Julius
Id'ing the suspect off of a vague sketch.
I don't know if that's enough for us to trust it.
You know what you can trust, Jacko? Your gut.
And your gut is telling you
That all that science crap is wrong,
And your hatred for George
Is telling you that we are right.
I do not hate George.
Of course you do. And it's okay.
You got a feeling, Jack. Follow that feeling.
Well, well, Dallas pd hard at work.
What the hell happened to this place?
Frank Savage!
You son of a bitch!
Hey, now. Hey, now. You lost a pound.
Did you? Two or three.
I can smell the cologne. It's mating season.
It is, you know -- scent of the tracks.
Your signature. Frank, it's been a while.
Ja-a-ck. Seriously, man.
This place was a police station when I worked here.
Now it looks like a frickin' law firm. Well, you know how it is.
People upstairs always fiddling around with the way things look.
Believe me. Cynthia doesn't even let the paint dry on one
Before she's moving on to the next improvement.
Is -- is she coming tonight?
No. Out of town. Her mom's about to die.
Don't tell me that.
Clinging to life. Day, day and a half tops.
Bless her. Bless her.
Very sorry to hear that.
So, uh, no curfew for me!
All right! okay.
What do you say, Jack?
You up for a little cinema history tonight?
While I'm tempted to see your movie of the week
Projected on the big screen,
I think I'm gonna have to take a pass.
I should really go talk to George about this.
I dug up our tuxes that we wore to the first premiere.
Now, I had my guy let them out,
And in the case of your pants, I'm guessing...Way out.
Beautiful.
Gonna be hot tonight.
Um, is the men's locker room in the same place,
Or did you turn that into a starbucks?
No, it's right through there.
All right.
Let's go tux ourselves!
Jacko, just remember.
Don't use so much of this.
Use more of this.
Maybe even those.
There's a dirty cop in the Department?
You sure about this? I know.
I was just as shocked as you are when I heard.
And this informant of yours,
Has he, uh, told you anything more specific?
I'm just trying to help in any way I can.
That's actually why I came to see you --
The murder case that you cracked.
The victim...
Was the informant? Yeah.
Oh, goodness. That's terrible.
Well, look, I know it's a long shot,
But, uh, if you should come across something
In your investigation...
I will come straight to you, Liz.
And if you have any other information,
Please don't hesitate to come straight to me.
Thank you, George.
Of course.
And, by the way,
If you ever want to have dinner or anything,
My door is always...
Oh, hey.
Hi, Liz.
Hey. George, what's going on?
Can't really talk about it, Bails.
I better get going. Thank you, George.
Jack, I'll see you in a little while, okay?
Yeah.
Bails, what brings you by?
Is it me or...
Are people dressed kind of casual,
Given the occasion?
Don't pay it no mind, partner.
People got no sense these days.
♪...Watch you suffer happily ♪
♪ that's when love itself becomes a lethal weapon ♪
Let me get this straight.
You're honestly suggesting that I scrap my murder charge
Because you got this guy dead to rights on a dine 'n' dash?
Look, I know that it sounds ridiculous, okay,
But I think that you got the wrong guy.
The guy's blood was on the murder weapon.
I mean, that's pretty cut and dry.
The timeline doesn't make any sense.
Bails, look.
I hate to pull rank on you, partner,
But when your deputy chief tells you
To stop worrying about a small-potatoes case,
The thing to do is stop worrying about a small-potatoes case.
I got DNA said the guy did it.
If you're itching for extra homework,
Read the forensics report.
Otherwise, just go have dinner
With that beautiful girlfriend.
So, you and George today.
Seemed like whatever you guys were talking about
Was pretty hush-hush.
It is, actually.
Jack, I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna be able to talk to you about it.
You do know that I'm, like, your boyfriend, right?
Yes, I know that,
And it doesn't have anything to do with that.
It doesn't have anything to do with my loyalty to you
Or anything that happened in the past.
It just happens to be a very sensitive case
That I can't talk to anybody about.
I'm not just anybody.
Well, I know.
Look, I also think that you -- don't get mad --
Have a tiny chip on your shoulder with George,
And I think you should resolve it. What is it with everybody?
I -- I do not have a chip on my shoulder about George.
I don't. I think it's great.
I'm happy for his success.
I'm delighted for his success.
It's delightful. You don't seem delighted.
Partner, I just want you to know
If this is the end of the line for us...
That it's been an honor.
Hell no, Frank. It ain't the end of the line.
It ain't the end of the line
Until we say it's the end of the line.
And the door into that room's
Locked tighter than a nun's chastity belt.
shh, shh, shh, shh!
How the hell we gonna get in there?
We shoot out the windows.
Dan, if we start shooting this place up,
We might hit a hostage.
We need to make these punks shoot at us first.
How the hell we gonna do that?
I'll tell you how we're gonna do it.
By any means necessary.
Shh!
♪ shot through the heart ♪
♪ and I just can't take the pain ♪
What in the hell?
What the hell are you laughing at?
It's not a comedy.
Right.
It's not a comedy!
Hey, vintage t-shirt boy, watch it.
I'll drop you.
I can't believe it -- laughing, laughing
At one of the greatest action-adventure stories
Ever told.
Unbelievable.
Grab that scotch.
Yeah. Let's go out back.
I'm right behind you.
"oddities of the '80s"?
What the hell?
What are you doing here so late?
Oh, uh, you know, so much work, not enough hours.
What about you?
Shouldn't you be out with your lovely lady friend
Doing glamorous, handsome Detective,
Pretty D.A.-type things?
We called it a night early.
Oh, is that the forensics report?
I was planning to read that in bed tonight.
Yeah.
I just -- oh, g--
I can't seem to make any sense of this.
I mean, there's so much evidence
Linking this guy to the murder,
But we were chasing the guy at the time.
Mm-hmm. At least I think it's the same guy.
I mean, I don't know if I'm wrong
Or if George is wrong or what, but without the subpoena,
We can't take a look at the ATM footage.
Well, I mean, you kind of don't need subpoena
If all you want to do is, uh, look at it.
Samantha, what are you talking about?
When we were at the diner, I heard you tell Dan "the ATM,"
So, you know, I just took the liberty of hacking it.
Okay, look. Oh, God, Samantha.
We've been over this countless times, all right?
You can't do that sort of thing. It's against the law.
I know. I'm just calling it up.
And we'll take a quick look.
And if it is the right guy,
Then you will just deal with the legal stuff later, right?
Samantha, I really, really don't feel comfortable doing --
We're in. Okay.
Isn't this fun?
I can't believe we got these tuxes
All tailored and everything.
Hell, Stark, you know what?
I don't care who laughs at us.
Nobody can take a made-for-tv movie
Based on us away from us.
And sitting in there with those jacknuts
Watching that beautiful film...
I felt like a loser.
You know, I was reading an article the other day.
You --
You heard of this thing "man-scaping"?
Is that like extra-manly landscaping?
I ain't even gonna tell you.
Ruin your evening even further.
Oh, it's a weird world, Frank.
I'm just worried that I'm steering Jacko wrong.
He's a smart kid. He knows about all that crap.
Hell, he probably even knows what DNA stands for.
I'll tell you what it stands for.
It stands for "do not ask."
Direct hit.
Is there any way that you can freeze on his face
When he runs by the ATM machine?
Wow.
That's him. That's the guy.
He's got the eyebrow scar and everything.
Do you have any idea what this means?
It means you're a genius.
Okay, I was going to say...
That George has got the wrong guy
And that he's about to make a big mistake.
That's -- a huge mistake.
Uh, yes. I know.
No. You're -- you're a great girl, okay?
But I am with Liz, and I want to be with Liz.
And I realize that, and I respect that,
And I'm just -- I really --
You know, I really shouldn't be working so late at night.
Don't beat yourself up, all right? This never happened.
No one's gonna know about this. Okay.
And something like this will never happen again.
Okay, I got to call George.
Die, bitch!
we'll never see you again!
Don't it feel good?!
I love breaking crap.
Hey, hands where I can see them. You're under arrest.
You can't arrest us.
You can't pull that cop crap on us.
We are cops!
I'm a cop. H-he's retired.
Honorable discharge.
Yeah, well, whoever you are,
You're spending the night in county lock-up.
I got the right to remain silent!
Wow, Bails.
You say you got video-surveillance footage of our suspect?
That's some incredible police work you did to figure that out.
No, no. Of course not. Of course not.
We'll get into it first thing in the morning, okay?
And, Bails...
Thanks for letting me know about this.
We got a problem.
Well, is it a big problem
Or a little problem?
Well, that depends.
How hard would it be to get a prisoner
In county lock-up killed...Tonight?
oh.
Oh. Ugh.
Oh.
Ugh.
Mercy. Mercy. Ohh.
That is not a good feeling.
No, it is not.
oh, geez.
Last night was not a dream.
man, you guys were out.
You missed all the excitement. What excitement?
Oh!
Holy crap.
That's our dine-'n'-dash perp.
What do you suppose happened to him?
Oh, I know what happened.
He hung himself in his jail cell? Apparently.
He even left a suicide note confessing to the murder.
This doesn't make any sense.
Jack, I know you were trying to push this guy
As your cruller thief,
But you got to let this go now, okay?
No, you don't understand.
This guy did not kill anyone. I must admit.
It is a refreshing change of pace watching you insist
That there's actually something smaller going on now,
But it's over. He killed himself.
He confessed to the murder -- case closed.
They're gonna say he killed himself,
But half the guys in here know what really happened.
It was Jimmy Nichols, man. He put a hit on that guy.
Jimmy Nichols, the mob dude?
Hey, how about not saying his name so loud, okay?
No, it's just...
I mean, if that were true,
Wouldn't the police know about that?
Police?
What do you care what the police know?
I don't. I mean, I hate the police.
Pigs. The worst.
Oink. Do you know why Jimmy Nichols
Put a hit out on him?
If the guy's dead, Jimmy, you're in the clear.
Yeah, I'm in the clear, but what about you?
The D.A. Knows I have somebody on the inside.
Yeah, but they don't know it's me.
They don't know anything,
And what they do know, I'm dealing with.
I don't know. This thing's gotten way messier
Than it should have been.
What if they start poking around on the mick thing
And they find out the evidence that you planted?
If there's one thing I know after years of being around cops
Is that we don't like doing extra work.
Once the case is closed, it's closed.
I did some extra work.
I couldn't sleep last night
On account of the thing that never happened.
Good.
Uh, uh, did you read the forensics report?
Me too.
The thing that I can't figure out
Is how this guy's blood ended up on the murder weapon.
I actually think I know.
I found something that is really weird --
Like, forensically weird.
So, the weird thing is, the blood work
That they wrote up on phil nix
Showed trace elements of E.D.T.A.
And that's weird?
As weird as something can be, I mean, chemistry-wise.
E.D.T.A. is a preservative chemical from the lab
That we use to keep DNA samples in pristine condition
When we bring them down here to be archived.
Jack, this is the stuff that they found at the scene.
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Whoever planted that blood stole it from this lab.
Don't worry. I'm not gonna kiss you.
Freaking out here, Frank.
Biggest mobster in Dallas taking a hit out on our suspect.
I think Jack's involved in something big and dangerous.
I don't think he even knows what it is.
Well, why do you suppose a guy like Nichols
Would order a hit on that small-timer?
I don't know, but I think it has something to do
With this murder case Jack is so suspicious about.
The one you were telling me about
With all that science mumbo jumbo?
Yeah, that's the one. Well, there you go.
Science is not your friend.
Detective. A lady from the D.A.'s office is here for you.
You and you -- free to go.
Thank you. W-w-wait. W-- Detective?
Yeah, yeah.
That's right, my little perp friend.
You've been very helpful.
If I ever have the chance to bust you myself,
I'll give you a running start.
Okay. Let's roll.
Look, I realize that this is a lot to drop on you,
But, well, to be honest,
I'm not sure who I can trust right this moment.
Thanks for calling me, Bails.
Did you tell your partner about this? Not yet.
I tried to reach him, but he's in -- he's indisposed.
And what exactly are you saying?
Someone set this guy up.
Someone with access to our crime lab.
Well, that's...
Listen, if that's true, now --
That means someone in the department is dirty.
I need your help to prove it.
Of course. You got it.
But promise me something, Bails.
Let's keep this between us, all right?
One man's already died.
Anybody else who finds out about this might be in danger.
Yes, of course. Absolutely, George.
And, Bails.
I owe you one.
I'd really like to know just what in the Hell
You two got yourselves into last night.
Lieutenant Ruiz called me,
And I swear to God she was about to blow her top --
Never mind what Frank and me
Allegedly did or did not do.
Which, by the way, we were 100% warranted in doing.
We got bigger fish to fry right now.
I got to talk to Jacko immediately.
Damn! Straight to voicemail!
Don't you just hate voicemail?
As far as I'm concerned, if it's voice, it's not mail.
If it's mail, put a stamp on it. Natural.
Amen, brother.
Uh -- here's what, darling.
We're commandeering your car.
Not to be sexist about it,
But you don't drive fast enough.
Dan, you've never driven with me.
Again, gorgeous, not to be sexist about it --
All right. Okay?
Thank you.
Good. You're both still here.
Are you sure you two are the only ones who know about this?
The forensic report?
Yeah, I don't think anyone else read all 200 pages.
Nope. Good.
Darling, would you give Bails and I
Just a couple of minutes to sort this out alone?
Uh, okay.
Yeah, go get yourself a cup of coffee or something.
Listen, Jack, about this whole dirty-cop thing --
We got to take this to the chief.
We need to find out who this person is
And stop them before they do any more damage.
Yeah, before we do that, I just got one question...
Who the hell
Reads all 200 pages of a forensics report?
Oh, my God.
It's you?
You always had to be the smartest kid in class.
Well, let me tell you something, partner.
Nobody likes the smartest kid in the class.
Yeah, well, no one likes a murderer
Who sells out his badge.
Yeah, they do.
Actually, they like me very much.
I'm the kind of guy you want to have a beer with.
I had a beer with you, George. It wasn't that great.
You realize you're gonna get caught.
I don't think that's a done deal by any means.
One thing I do know, though...
Ain't nobody coming to save you, Bails.
I guess we're not dinosaurs, huh, buddy?
I don't know. I never used to feel this hungover.
We used to drink twice as much.
Twice as much?
It's amazing you caught anybody.
Oh, we caught everyone, little darling.
We caught...
Got to puke! Not in the car!
You're all right, you're all right, you're all right.
Let it go, partner. Let it go.
Look at this this way, Jack.
If we weren't old buddies, you'd be dead already.
Oh, that's heartwarming.
To what do I owe this special treatment?
I want to offer you a choice
That's gonna not only determine your future
But the future of the oddly hot chick
With the urkel glasses.
And what am I gonna choose, George?
Come work with us.
Excuse me?
Come work with us -- me and Jimmy.
He could use another smart man on the inside,
And you're as smart as they come.
With me in the position I'm in,
You could be working up the ranks pretty quick yourself,
Start making yourself some real money for once.
Your life will get a whole lot easier.
And longer. As long as I've known you,
You've known that I've always wanted to be a cop.
W-what makes you think I would throw that away and flip?
Come on, man.
Working property crimes with Drunky McGee?
You're chasing $6 criminals, Jack.
For what?
Make the world safe for the waitresses of Dallas?
Just admit it, man. It's killing you.
How would it work?
Whatever you're making now, Jimmy will double it.
Consider it a matching gift.
Yeah.
Okay. I'm in.
Thataboy.
Ugh!
Drop it.
well... Congratulations.
You had me fooled for a minute there.
Yeah, well, it wasn't really hard.
You're not exactly the smartest kid in class, George.
Aah!
Jack!
Where is Detective Bailey?!
Where is he?!
One of your own is missing.
That's what I said -- missing!
And all you can answer me with is silence?
Where is your self-respect?
No one has seen him, Stark. Calm down.
Oh, God. You stink of bourbon.
You stink of mediocrity. What's worse?
I'll have you know I'm the first in my family
To go to college.
Whoopty-frickin'-do, weenie.
Something's wrong here, Liz.
Jacko always answers the phone.
He could be in the shower, he'll answer his phone.
That's true. I've actually seen that happen.
I cannot help but fear the worst.
Let her go, George, all right?
She has nothing to do with this.
Oh, not true.
She has everything to do with this.
Kiss her.
What? Kiss her.
Good and long.
Get a lot of lipstick and DNA all over you.
Why don't you just kill us and get it over with?
Wow. You know he'd rather die right now than kiss you?
That's got to sting.
George, it doesn't have to end this way, okay?
If you give up whoever you're working for,
We can get you into witness protection.
Witness protection? Are you kidding me?
Bails, I like my life.
I'm a hero cop with a sweet house.
You've seen my house.
Now, why would I want to give all that up
To live in some podunk town under an assumed name?
Because you're gonna get caught.
If we can find out there's a dirty cop,
Anybody can.
Yeah, you're right. Liz already did.
That's why I'm gonna give them a dirty cop.
Me.
That's my boy, Jack. Smartest kid in class.
No one will believe it. Oh, they'll believe it.
It's a beautiful story.
You were having an affair with sheila here -- Samantha.
And you should at least learn your hostages' names.
I'm sorry, darling. You're so right.
Jack, you're gonna kill Samantha.
Not sheila. Samantha.
See, she came downstairs to fool around
And caught you stealing evidence to plant.
She then sent an e-mail to Liz telling her everything.
No, I didn't.
yeah, you did.
If it's any consolation, darling, you won't die alone.
Jack here's so broken up about the whole situation,
He goes on and kills himself.
Yeah, that's definitely no consolation.
All right.
Let's get this over with.
I promise.
This is gonna be the most fun you're gonna have today.
Jacko always answers the phone.
He could be in the shower, he'll answer his phone.
That's true. I've actually seen that happen.
I cannot help but fear the worst.
Wait a minute.
Okay, this is something.
I'm getting an e-mail from Samantha, that lab-tech girl.
She says she's having an affair with Jack.
Aw, come on. That's not true, Liz.
There's one thing I know about Jack.
He is desperately, pathetically,
Unhealthily in love with you.
Something's wrong here.
Hodges, you're a geek.
Tell me where the csi lab is...Now!
It's downstairs. You didn't know that?
No.
I like women.
Come on, Franko.
We got a partner to save.
Well, that's nice.
Touching.
You know, Bails, I was thinking
About hooking up with Liz after you're dead.
I mean, she will be single after all.
She's gonna need a lot of comforting
After she finds out her boyfriend
Was involved in a murder/suicide with another woman.
Locked! Damn it! How are we gonna get in there?
I'll tell you how we get in there.
By any means necessary.
George, don't do this.
Aah!
One more move, and I'll shoot her!
All right.
Easy.
He seems serious.
Mm. Desperate.
Like a man with nothing to lose.
Nothing at all. Hey, grandpa.
Why don't you and your prom date
Quit with the stupid small talk and put the guns down?
Not just lower -- down.
See that? He caught us.
He knew we were stalling.
He's that good. Well...
Too smart. Cop and a criminal.
You kidding me? He's seen both sides. A.M., F.M.
Oh, will you just put the guns down?!
Metal talks, and bullcrap walks. He's good.
Aah! Come here, you son of a bitch!
Come here!
Deputy chief!
They made you deputy chief!
All right!
And my name is Jack!
Not Bails -- Jack!
Deputy chief!
Years of rage coming out!
It's okay! It's okay! It's natural. It's natural.
Just to be clear,
He is not qualified to be deputy chief.
Right.
Best use I've ever seen for a microscope.
Jack?
Jack, are you okay?
Babe.
Never better.
Is that lipstick on your mouth?
I just kissed him a little bit. We were at gunpoint.
Nice work, gentlemen. Congratulations.
Especially you, Frank.
You now hold the record for the most busts
Made by someone who is not a cop.
Well, a badge doesn't expire, Ana,
And apparently neither does your sweet lady figure.
Hell no. Whoo-hoo, boy.
It's a classic chassis.
Okay, all right.
Listen, Jimmy's going down for this,
And so is George.
That was amazing, Bailey.
Mm, just solving property crimes.
Hey, Frank. Thank you.
You and Dan really saved my ass back there.
Hey, any partner of my partner
Is a partner of...My...
Okay, I got a little lost there.
It's all right. He got it. You two gonna be okay?
Oh, yeah, yeah. We're gonna be fine.
All right. Okay, Frank.
Ready to roll?
Yes, I am.
Hey, you know,
If we keep blowing up stuff like that,
We're gonna get fired one of these days.
You know what, Jacko?
Maybe there's no room for guys like us.
Maybe cops who drive fast cars and kick perp ass,
Maybe they are dinosaurs.
I'll tell you one thing, though.
Today is the first day
I ever set foot in the csi crime lab,
And I never want to do it again because that place sucks!
And if that's what it takes to be a cop these days,
Maybe I just ought to hang it up.
But until I do, I'm gonna keep busting punks
The only way I know how because it's right.
Not only is it right...
It's fun.
Damn right, it is.
Damn right.
Oh, hey. We got ourselves a case.
All right. Break-in uptown.
The only thing missing is a toaster.
But, hey, you never know.
Let's roll.
Hold on, Jacko.
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