MARY ALICE: Previously on Desperate Housewives.
The riot left victims in its wake.
Do I need a transplant?
You need to come to terms with the reality of what's happened to you.
We'd like to know where exactly you were when your husband was shot.
My wife is the one person on that backstabbing street that I can trust.
So what am I supposed to do? Just pretend Grace doesn't exist?
Yes.
Gabby's biological daughter was erased,
and she struggled to cope.
I slept with Tom.
And Lynette learned the truth.
Tom Scavo had a 20- year-old secret.
He had once slept with his wife's best friend.
Tom felt it no longer mattered.
But his wife, who had just learned this secret, felt differently.
That's why she had decided to punish him,
and torture him,
and humiliate him.
Lynette planned to tell her husband she knew,
but first, she was determined
to have her revenge.
What are my keys doing on the floor?
Did my pants just rip?
Yeah. You might want to go up and change.
Wow. Thank God I wasn't going commando.
I'm sorry you had to see that.
(GASPS)
RENEE: Is that a seam ripper?
Could be. I don't really sew.
Did you do something to Tom's pants?
Lynette.
It's just a thing I do
whenever I find out he slept with one of my friends.
(GROANING) I knew I shouldn't have told you about us.
But you did!
So, this is how you're getting back at him?
Isn't it a little immature?
My rage needs an outlet.
You gotta admit, it beats smashing his head in with a nine-iron.
Well, there is another option.
You could tell him you know and deal with it.
- No! - Well, why not?
Because then he'll tell me he's sorry,
and I'll cry and he'll cry, and then I'll get over it.
And I'm not ready to get over it.
I have a lot of anger to work through
before we sweep this under the carpet and move on.
So please don't tell him what I'm doing.
- But, Lynette, it... - Come on.
It's not like anybody's getting hurt.
- (TOM EX CLAIMING) - (RENEE GASPS)
Tom! Are you okay?
Yeah. I slipped on something.
Peanut butter?
Those damn kids.
MARY ALICE: Yes, Lynette Scavo had developed a taste for revenge.
And she was finding it delicious.
We pass by these people every day.
We sense their isolation,
but we just keep walking,
telling ourselves there's nothing we can do to help,
which we know is a lie.
Hello, Reverend. Wonderful sermon today.
Thank you, Bree. Do you have a moment?
I need to talk to you about something.
Sure.
One of our parishioners is going through a personal crisis.
She's in desperate need of a friend, someone to talk to.
And you thought of me? I'm flattered.
So you wouldn't mind reaching out to this lost lamb?
You are the very milk of human kindness.
Now, stop. I'm happy to help.
Unless you're talking about Beth Young,
in which case I'd rather shave my head and join the Hare Krishnas.
Bree!
I'm sorry, but she is married to the biggest lunatic in Fairview.
He tried to destroy our neighborhood, and she did nothing to stop him.
Still, the Christian thing is to offer her solace.
After all, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."
John, chapter eight, verse seven.
What about, "The righteous will be glad when they are avenged,
"when they bathe their feet in the blood of the wicked"?
Psalm 56, verse 10.
"If you do not forgive others their sins,
"your Father will not forgive yours." Matthew, chapter six, verse 15.
"Whoever does not obey the laws of God
"must surely be punished by death or banishment."
Ezra, chapter seven, verse 26.
"Bree Van De Kamp is shacking up with her boyfriend."
Cynthia Thomas, pew five, seat seven.
Fine. I'll talk to her, but this is spiritual blackmail.
I'm a man of God, Bree.
I do what it takes to get the job done.
(SIGHING)
BOB: Everything's delicious, Gabby.
Thank you. I'm glad you guys could come.
Well, you know us. We never turn down a champagne brunch.
Who said anything about champagne?
I did. Come on, people, we need some bubbly!
We gotta celebrate!
Celebrate what?
- Do you... - Okay, it's kind of a long story.
It all started last year...
We're adopting a child.
You were killing the moment.
Meet Liza Hunter-McDermott.
Liza?
Guess who lost that coin toss.
She's beautiful.
BOB: There was a two-year wait for a baby,
but we found this orphanage that had lots of older kids,
so we figured why not?
She's 10 years old, and if all goes well, she's ours next month.
Well, we're really happy for you guys. Aren't we, Gabby?
Gabby, what's wrong?
Nothing. I'm thrilled for you. Really.
Oh, honey. We didn't even think.
With everything you've been going through...
She's fine.
It's just, I don't even know where Grace is, or how she is,
or when I'm gonna see her again.
Gabby!
We didn't mean to upset you guys.
It's fine.
She's gone, and now Gabby and I are moving on.
And we've agreed not to talk about it because it is so painful.
I'm sure you understand.
Of course.
So please, tell us more about your little girl. What is she like?
You're gonna love her. I mean, she's so smart and so funny.
The first time we walked in that room there was this instant connection.
We just knew she was ours.
You know what? We should make a toast to little Liza.
I'm gonna get that champagne.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Look who I found.
Julie!
What are you doing here? I told you not to fly home.
Mom, haven't you learned I don't listen to a word you say?
Besides, they won't let you mail a major organ.
Oh, no. No, don't even think about it.
You are not gonna be my donor.
I did tons of research. They have these new surgical techniques.
It's no worse than a belly piercing.
Which I did not do.
You know, the doctor did say
that blood relatives are your best chance for a match.
Honey, you are not going through the rest of your life
with only one kidney.
- But, Mom... - No.
I'm going on the wait list.
That could take years.
You know, there is another option.
Somebody who is close to you, that loves you very much.
We've been through this. You're not the right blood type.
I meant your mother.
My mother?
Mike, I already lost my kidney, now you want me to lose my mind?
No, no, no, no.
We are not asking her for a kidney.
No. In fact, we're not even telling her about this.
We're not?
Of course not.
If she heard one word about this... Oh, my God. Julie, what did you do?
I'm sorry.
You're hurt, I thought you'd want her to know,
and she'll be here tomorrow.
Oh, my God!
I've gotta get out of here. Unhook me, unhook me.
No, no, no, no. Susan, this is good.
You need a kidney, she's got a kidney.
That I will be paying for the rest of my life!
"How come you haven't visited? I gave you my kidney."
"Why won't you friend me on Facebook?
"I gave you my kidney."
No, this is a nightmare. You owe me, Julie. Big.
You're right. How about I give you a kidney?
Bigger than that.
- (WHISPERS) Don't react. - (EX CLAIMING)
Good not reacting!
What the hell are you doing back there?
I can't let her see me talking to you.
Who?
Lynette. She knows.
Knows what? (STAMMERING) About us?
How?
Who cares how? The point is she found out.
Why hasn't she said anything to me?
She's saying it.
Your pants splitting open, falling down the stairs.
Haven't you noticed you've been a little accident-prone lately?
- That was her? - Mmm.
So she's responsible for my flat tire?
Mmm-hmm.
The sardines in my gym bag?
Yep.
The gay porn in my PowerPoint presentation?
Her proudest moment.
So she's just gonna keep on screwing with me?
I mean, what else's she got planned?
I don't know, but she is one angry woman.
Be careful. God knows what she'll do next.
(BRAKES SQUEALING)
Ow! What the hell are you doing?
Testing the brakes before I get on the highway.
BREE: Hi!
I haven't seen you out in a while,
so I thought I'd stop by and see how you're doing.
What do you really want?
Well, I talked to Reverend Sikes yesterday,
and he tells me that you've been going through kind of a rough patch.
Come on in.
You know, growing up,
I didn't really have a lot of friends.
We weren't a very social family.
But I was never hated.
Nobody hates you.
But they hate my husband, don't they?
I just wish people could understand him.
He is not a bad man. It's just his life has been so difficult.
He went to prison for a murder he didn't commit.
His wife killed herself.
His son hates him.
He's been through a lot.
Well, I may not be able to convince people to like Paul,
but there's no reason you should suffer for what he's done.
I am having the girls over this week,
and I think it would be wonderful if you'd join us.
Oh.
That's very sweet,
but I think we both know those women aren't gonna want me there.
Those women are my dear friends. Trust me, they'll be fine with it.
And if they're not?
Well, then I'll just have to twist some very dear arms.
Okay, Mrs. Delfino, you're all hooked up.
SOPHIE: Where's my daughter? They said she was down here.
- Do you see her? - Oh, God.
Are you in pain?
No, but I will be.
Oh!
Susan!
Mom!
My poor, sick baby! Hello, Mike.
Honey,
I have a surprise for you.
One of your favorite things from home!
Get in here!
Aunt Claire.
She figured I was cheaper than flowers.
Mike, you haven't met my aunt.
She taught me how to make a Manhattan
when I was eight.
I had her up to Old Fashioneds by the time she was 12.
And that's a difficult drink.
She's like the bartender I never had.
So, sweetheart, your mother tells me you have a deformed kidney?
I told her not to sleep on her side.
Well, we're hoping to find a donor very soon.
Oh!
Wouldn't that be nice? I wonder who it'll be.
You read all these stories.
Strangers brought together through life-threatening circumstances.
Our best bet is a match within the family.
Oh.
Like Julie?
No.
MJ?
He's nine, Mom.
You don't take a kidney out of a 9-year-old.
It'd take care of that bed-wetting problem, though, wouldn't it?
No, we were actually thinking
that you might be a possible donor, Sophie.
Oh.
(SOFTLY) Oh.
Oh?
What do you mean "oh"?
Well, it's just... It's...
I can't believe this. She's not gonna do it.
Of course she wants to.
It's just the timing of things.
Morty and I are about to take a cruise for three months.
A cruise?
Non-refundable.
And you won't even get tested?
You know, we haven't even checked in at the hotel yet.
Why don't we do that?
Yes, okay. We'll be back in an hour or two.
And if you're better, if you feel like it,
maybe we'll take you shopping.
Actually, I'm having my blood washed for the next six hours.
But go, you two have fun.
(SINGING QUIETLY)
Hey, there.
Oh!
Perfect timing.
I made your favorite: Double fudge brownies.
Well, I had a big lunch, and I don't want any more pants ripping.
So, no thanks.
What are you talking about? You look great.
Have one. It won't kill you.
Yeah, maybe later.
Are you sure? They're tasty.
Brownies. Can I have one?
No!
Yeah. Sure, Penny, have one.
No!
I mean, I don't want her to spoil her dinner.
Besides, I made these for your dad.
Oh, I can share.
Here, Penny, take it.
Eat it.
- No! - (EX CLAIMS)
You guys are weird.
What did you put in there? Cayenne pepper? Drain cleaner?
So Renee told you. I'm gonna kill her.
Let's get back to how you're trying to kill me.
Don't you dare act like the injured party here!
You betrayed me. You had an affair.
It wasn't an affair. It was completely meaningless.
It was after we were engaged.
No, we had broken up, remember?
No, no. We were taking a break, remember?
Yes, we were fighting constantly,
so we decided to spend some time apart
to decide whether we were gonna get married or split up.
Right.
So I went to my mom's house to think about it.
And I will never forget this. I was sitting in the kitchen,
my mom was making a frittata,
and I thought, "Oh! I should make that for Tom."
And then it hit me, there might be no Tom.
I might never see you again. And I had an epiphany.
I didn't want a life without you in it.
Yeah, I was at a crossroads, and I chose the path that included you.
And you know what kills me?
While I was making that decision,
you were off sleeping with my best friend.
(EX CLAIMING) That was fun.
I've been kind of down lately. Nothing like a little retail therapy.
Yes, I'd say you had a real breakthrough
around the fourth shoe store.
Please tell me Carlos isn't having an affair with a tiny naked person.
Celia! Juanita!
Oh, my God. What the hell are you doing?
Playing with my new doll. Look, she can leap off of cliffs!
No! No. This is not your doll!
Then whose is it? I found it in your closet.
Oh, my God. Where's her arm? Where's her arm?
Oh!
For God's sakes. Celia, this is not a toy.
Yeah, it is.
No! It's not. It's something special that belongs to me!
It is mine! And no one can take it away from me!
I'm sorry, I couldn't help overhearing.
Is everything okay in here?
(SIGHS)
Mommy's mad because we played with her doll.
Go to your room. Go. Both.
Your doll?
Of course it's not mine. It's a gift for Bob and Lee.
They're adopting a little girl.
Let me get your discharge papers and I'll be back to wheel you out.
Thank you.
Hey, Mike's bringing the car around front.
I will get your bag.
Hey, what is that on your arm? Did you get a blood test?
I just wanted to see...
I am not taking your kidney!
Relax, I wasn't a match.
But if I was and I didn't check,
I never would've forgiven myself.
Come here.
You know,
when you were growing up,
sometimes I felt like I was just winging it.
(LAUGHS)
And then I see the incredible woman you've become,
and I know I did something right.
SOPHIE: Where's my daughter? Did they move her?
CLAIRE: I'm telling you, it's the other end of the hall.
I'm here!
Oh!
Hello, sweetie.
What're you doing?
Well, you're getting discharged today and I came to help.
- Let me take that bag. - No.
I wouldn't want you to pull something
and not be able to play shuffleboard on your cruise.
Well, how about I take us all out for a nice lunch?
I can't. I'm on a restricted diet.
And MJ's waiting for me at home. I like to be there for my child.
Come on, let's go.
Let me at least push your chair.
I'm good.
Susie, I want to help.
You do not get to "help" by pushing my wheelchair.
You had your chance to help.
Susan, be fair.
No!
How could you refuse to even be tested?
My own mother.
Julie couldn't wait to hand over one of her kidneys!
Well, there you go. Problem solved.
I wasn't a match.
That is not the point.
You only had a 15% chance of being a match.
That meant there was an 85% chance
that I'd never know how little you cared about me.
I could've gone the rest of my life thinking you were a wonderful mother
who had the wrong kind of kidney.
Now wait a second here...
No, no, no, no. Claire, it's okay.
I am sorry I disappointed you, honey.
Hey.
Can we talk for a minute?
That depends. Are you alone?
Yes.
Then we can talk. Do you want to come in?
That depends. Do you have beer?
Yes.
Then I'll come in.
I need a favor.
I want you to let your mom off the hook.
No way. I'm done with her.
Susan, there are some things you don't know.
Like what?
What could you possibly tell me that would excuse her behavior?
I'm her daughter.
This is my hour of need and she's not even trying to help.
No, I'm not gonna forgive her for this. Ever.
She has cancer.
What?
Breast cancer.
They caught it early and we'll see how it goes.
She's starting chemo next week. (SIGHS)
What about the cruise?
That is the cruise.
That's the story we're telling because she didn't want you to know.
And that's why she can't give you a kidney.
Okay, why wouldn't she tell me? This doesn't make sense.
You know Mom. I mean, since when has she passed up a chance for attention?
Exactly.
When she heard about what you've been going through,
she decided, no, not this time.
She wasn't going to burden you.
And I jumped all over her.
I've got to go talk to her.
No, no. Don't tell her you know.
- Why not? - Susan, please.
Respect what she's trying to do here.
She's trying to make up for a lifetime of me-me-me.
Let her.
CHARLOTTE: Oh, dear.
This is why people should never let children play with dolls.
But don't worry.
I'll have Princess Valerie all sewn up
and good as new by the end of the day.
Thank you so much.
Can I ask you something?
Of course.
Am I weird for being so attached to a doll?
I only bought her because I thought
she was beautiful and she reminded me of someone.
But lately...
I'm starting to feel like I need her.
She calms me down when I get upset, and I enjoy spending time with her.
The thought of leaving here without her is really upsetting.
That's crazy, right?
Come with me.
You know, what you've been feeling is absolutely normal.
Well, tell that to my friend, Bree.
I was holding that doll and she looked at me like I was insane.
Most people will never understand. But I do.
Let me introduce you to someone.
This is Mrs. Humphries.
I saw her in a window in a tiny shop in Ohio and fell in love.
And the more time we spent together, the more I got to know her story.
Her story?
Of course. Every doll has a story.
And it turns out
Mrs. Humphries started her own business, just like I did.
She has a music shop and she teaches piano.
And she told you that?
Gabby, dolls don't talk.
But even so, Mrs. Humphries is always there for me.
You see, her sister passed away around the same time mine did.
Ever since,
she's brought me such happiness.
Isn't it funny how a doll can do that?
And the best thing is,
they'll never leave you.
So, what's your doll's story?
I don't know...
Oh, of course you do.
Tell me.
Her name is Princess Valerie.
She's a princess.
But she wasn't always one.
Really?
When she was born, there was a mix-up
and she was given to the wrong family.
Nobody knew for a long time.
But then one day she finally found her way home.
From that day on, Princess Valerie never left the palace.
Her real mother kept her hidden away
so no one would take her.
And they were never separated ever again.
(DOOR OPENING)
I know I'm not sleeping in here tonight.
Tonight?
(EXHALING) Look...
I am unbelievably sorry about this.
I wanted to tell you so many times.
But I could never find the right moment.
Really?
In 20 years of marriage, there was never a lull in the conversation
for you to say, "Hey, guess who I slept with?"
When would have been a good time?
The day I found out you were pregnant with Porter and Preston?
Parker's first birthday party?
The morning that Penny took her first steps?
We have had such beautiful moments together.
I didn't want to ruin a single one of them.
(TOM SIGHS)
(SOFTLY) I hope you can forgive me for this.
It would be a shame...
A shame if some meaningless encounter
20 years ago ruined
this wonderful life that we have built together.
Susan.
I'm sorry I didn't call first. You're not busy, are you?
I'm just packing. My cab's gonna be here soon.
So you have time to talk?
Sure.
I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.
No need. This is a horrible time for you.
And you've got so much on your mind.
It's not that horrible.
And the doctors are very optimistic.
We're going to find a donor. I'm not worried.
Oh!
I'm so relieved.
(SIGHS)
You know what the one good thing about having a health scare is?
No. What?
It makes you think about what the important things are.
That's very true.
We all think that we're gonna be here forever.
That we have all the time in the world to say the important things.
But we don't.
Why don't you and I ever tell each other how we feel?
We don't need to.
We know how we feel.
Do we?
(SIGHS)
You're right.
You already know how much I love you.
And you already know that any time I accomplish anything,
you're the first person I want to call,
'cause I love making you proud.
And you know that
no matter how much you make me crazy,
a part of me enjoys it because
it reminds me that nobody else has a mom like you.
Yeah. I don't have to tell you that.
Just like I don't need to tell you
that my life began the day you were born.
And it's been such a happy one.
(SIGHS)
Aren't we lucky we already know those things?
(PHONE RINGING)
(SNIFFLING)
Yes. Yes, I'll be right down.
That's the cab.
You go. And I'll call you later.
Okay.
You know, one of these days, I would...
I would like for us to take a little trip. Just the two of us.
Oh!
I'd like that.
Yeah, we'll go someplace hot.
And just lay out and drink some daiquiris.
We'll absolutely do that.
Just as soon as I'm done with my cruise.
Yeah.
No offense, Penny, but soccer is boring.
PARKER: Yeah, it's as boring as... Actually there's nothing more boring.
PRESTON: You can tell us about it later.
But you have to go! It's a playoff game.
They're the best team in the league, I need your support.
PORTER: Oh, who cares? You guys suck anyway.
PRESTON: Yeah, they may suck,
but they still would have beaten Parker's team.
Hey, Preston, how'd the baseball team do senior year?
Shut up. At least I played.
(CHUCKLES)
That's true. Remember that time he struck out five times?
PARKER: Yeah.
PORTER: By the third time the crowd started laughing.
PARKER: Yeah, that was hilarious.
PORTER: Your last at bat, the other team sat on their mitts.
PARKER: That's so embarrassing. PORTER: Shameful.
Come on, you guys, please?
I got stuff to do.
Like what? Stare in the mirror and wait for the first mustache hair?
(ALL SNICKERING)
PORTER: Relax, Penny.
At least you won't have to share your snacks with us after the game.
Okay, fine. Don't go.
We're just messing with you. We're going.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
PORTER: I'm even going to drive you. But I'm going to warn you,
if you lose, you're walking home.
PENNY: Oh, please.
PORTER: Yeah, I'm not driving losers in my car.
PARKER: Does that mean you're not taking Preston?
BREE: Here you go, ladies.
Bree, that looks amazing.
Thank you so much for putting this together.
It really feels like old times.
Well, you've been through so much,
and I wanted you to feel loved and embraced
by all the people in this room.
And while I'm on the topic of embracing people,
I have invited our neighbor Beth to join us. Cheese puff, anyone?
Beth Young?
Married to Paul Young?
The lady with the bad hair?
Oh, forget the hair. Her husband caused the riot!
Which cost Susan a kidney!
Why would you do this, Bree?
I just felt sorry for her.
The poor woman has been shunned by everyone in this neighborhood.
Because she's married to a monster!
So? Why should she have to suffer for the sins of her husband?
Oh, crap. She's been talking to a priest.
Renee, help us out. Tell her she's crazy.
Actually, I'm with Bree.
Please, you've never given Beth a chance.
And speaking as the other new kid on the block,
you guys are like the mean pretty girls
who won't let anyone sit at your lunch table.
That is so unfair. (SCOFFS)
Who invited her?
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(GASPS) Okay, that's Beth.
Now please, ladies, make an effort for me.
I'm actually excited.
I always wanted to be one of the mean pretty girls.
Yeah, I got a delivery for Van de Kamp.
Oh! How lovely.
I don't see a card. Who are they from?
Beats me.
Must be my boyfriend.
Would you mind setting them over there? I'll go get a tip.
Is it her? Or can I wipe this fake smile off my face?
It's a delivery man. Someone sent me flowers.
Was it the Pope?
There you go. Thank you.
Oh, good, you made it.
Hello.
Ladies! Beth's here.
You're sure this is okay? It isn't going to be awkward?
Of course not. The girls are delighted you're here.
We are going to have a wonderful time.
That is a really good deal on potting soil.
Yes.
Well, again, I had a coupon.
That is fortunate.
Maybe I should go.
No, no. The evening has just gotten started.
I'm going to need some help in the kitchen.
You, you, you, and you. Now.
By the way, I know somebody who can really help you with that hair.
BREE: Renee!
What is wrong with you people? You said you'd make an effort.
I am making an effort.
An effort not to tear out my deformed kidney and cram it down her throat.
Yeah, so Beth's feeling a little Ionely these days.
Why is it our responsibility to make her feel loved?
Okay, look, I didn't want to bring this up,
but let's talk about the last woman who was married to Paul Young.
A woman who was in pain, and we ignored it.
Do we really want Beth to end up like Mary Alice?
(GABRIELLE SIGHS)
BREE: We're back.
We've decided to kick this party up a notch.
Oh, lovely.
Beth, sit here. We'll pour you some vino.
Thank you.
Is red okay? Because we have white, too.
No. Red is fine.
What in the world?
(GASPS)
Somebody lose a gun?
Oh, my God! What is that doing there?
Bree?
No. I keep all my weapons in a locker.
Let me see that.
It's a.38 caliber.
The police said Paul was shot with a.38.
I think I finally understand why you invited me over.
Meaning?
I'm just thinking how convenient it is.
A gun that may have been used to shoot Paul
was under my pillow and now has my fingerprints on it?
Hey, I was sitting there before you were and I didn't feel any gun.
Yeah, speaking of convenient,
you're alone in the room, we came back,
and suddenly there's a gun under the cushion?
Where would I get a gun?
Oh, I don't know.
How about the one you pointed at me on Halloween night?
You never told us that.
You mean the night you broke into my house
and tried to kill my husband with a club?
You never told us that either.
I'm allowed to have a private life.
The point is,
she owns a gun just like the one that magically appeared
when she was alone in the room.
You're all in on this.
You wanted to set me up.
I can't believe you would say that to me after I reached out to you.
Well, I think it's time I did some reaching out of my own.
I'm calling the police.
(SIGHING)
We don't have to get up early tomorrow.
So, I was thinking maybe we could...
I still cannot believe that I fell for Beth's act.
Or we could talk about this some more.
Well, she is just as twisted as that husband of hers.
And I am a fool.
You're not a fool. You're a kind and generous person.
That's what I love about you.
That and the fact you can go from
mad to passionate in a heartbeat.
I suppose you do deserve some loving
after those beautiful flowers you sent me.
(SIGHING)
At the risk of going to bed frustrated...
I didn't send you any flowers.
You didn't? Then where did they come from?
MARY ALICE: We pass by these people every day.
But we never look at them.
We don't want to see the sadness in their expressions.
The longing in their hearts.
The loneliness in their eyes.
But there are times we should stop and look at these isolated people.
Why?
Well, if we look close enough,
we might just recognize them.