1
00:00:00,868 --> 00:00:02,201
Oh, my God.

2
00:00:02,196 --> 00:00:03,698
What the hell happened
to Paula Abdul?

3
00:00:03,693 --> 00:00:04,826
She looks terrible.

4
00:00:04,821 --> 00:00:08,026
Dad, that's Steven Tyler.

5
00:00:08,013 --> 00:00:09,980
Oh.

6
00:00:09,973 --> 00:00:12,743
He looks good.

7
00:00:12,732 --> 00:00:14,100
Oh, my God,
what happened to Oprah?

8
00:00:14,095 --> 00:00:15,161
She looks terrible.

9
00:00:15,158 --> 00:00:18,228
That's Randy Jackson.

10
00:00:18,215 --> 00:00:20,617
Oh.
He looks good.

11
00:00:21,972 --> 00:00:23,172
Hey.

12
00:00:23,167 --> 00:00:24,335
Hey, how was open house?

13
00:00:24,331 --> 00:00:26,365
Eh, a couple of nibbles.

14
00:00:26,358 --> 00:00:28,193
What the hell
is on your lip?

15
00:00:28,185 --> 00:00:30,921
I have a rash, so I couldn't
shave above my lip this morning.

16
00:00:30,910 --> 00:00:33,212
I just can't believe
how fast it grows in.

17
00:00:33,203 --> 00:00:34,203
Yeah, it's a family trait.

18
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,569
We all grow moustaches
really fast.

19
00:00:35,563 --> 00:00:37,164
Ed, I've never seen you
with a moustache.

20
00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:40,230
No, that hair thing
is from his mother's side.

21
00:00:41,746 --> 00:00:45,116
More specifically,
his mother.

22
00:00:45,101 --> 00:00:46,502
It's not just her side.

23
00:00:46,498 --> 00:00:48,433
I can grow a moustache too.

24
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:52,751
Please.
You know something,

25
00:00:52,745 --> 00:00:55,047
you can't grow any facial hair
at all.

26
00:00:56,933 --> 00:01:00,070
I bei cagrow a more
killer moustache than you.

27
00:01:00,057 --> 00:01:02,025
Care to make this interesting?

28
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:04,053
Please, somebody make it
interesting.

29
00:01:10,459 --> 00:01:12,795
Hello, ed,
it's Rosemary pernworth,

30
00:01:12,785 --> 00:01:13,852
your next-door neighbor.

31
00:01:13,849 --> 00:01:15,016
Rosemary, I knew
you'd come back.

32
00:01:15,012 --> 00:01:17,614
Most women do
after they kiss me.

33
00:01:17,603 --> 00:01:20,373
First of all,
I did not kiss you.

34
00:01:20,362 --> 00:01:23,966
You kissed me.
Oh, just joking.

35
00:01:23,952 --> 00:01:25,720
A little tongue in cheek.

36
00:01:25,713 --> 00:01:28,482
Like you were doing
when you kissed me.

37
00:01:28,470 --> 00:01:31,373
Again, you kissed me.

38
00:01:31,362 --> 00:01:32,430
But I'd rather not talk
about that.

39
00:01:32,427 --> 00:01:33,460
My lips are sealed.

40
00:01:33,456 --> 00:01:35,125
Unlike yours...

41
00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:38,716
When you kissed me.

42
00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:40,409
Anyway, I would rather
not spend more time here

43
00:01:40,402 --> 00:01:41,402
than I need to.

44
00:01:41,399 --> 00:01:42,633
I'm here to bring you
some things

45
00:01:42,629 --> 00:01:43,930
that you could find useful
as the new president

46
00:01:43,925 --> 00:01:45,092
of the fleetridge
homeowners' association.

47
00:01:45,089 --> 00:01:47,157
Here are the keys to our closet
at city hall.

48
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:48,217
Good-bye.

49
00:01:48,213 --> 00:01:53,185
- You'll be back.
- No, I won't.

50
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,296
All right, the little one
goes to the cabinet

51
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:58,619
where we store
the town nativity scene,

52
00:01:58,614 --> 00:02:00,382
although we're not allowed
to display it anymore,

53
00:02:00,375 --> 00:02:01,743
but we can't figure out
a respectful way

54
00:02:01,739 --> 00:02:02,839
of disposing of it.

55
00:02:02,835 --> 00:02:05,071
And the square one
is my locker...

56
00:02:05,062 --> 00:02:06,162
Oh, at curves.

57
00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:07,826
I'll take that.

58
00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:10,256
And no one knows
what the blue one is for,

59
00:02:10,247 --> 00:02:11,881
but we don't want
to throw it out.

60
00:02:11,874 --> 00:02:13,009
Good-bye.

61
00:02:13,005 --> 00:02:15,641
- You'll be back.
- No, I won'

62
00:02:20,549 --> 00:02:23,318
The first homeowners'
association meeting

63
00:02:23,307 --> 00:02:24,841
is tomorrow night
at your house.

64
00:02:24,836 --> 00:02:26,204
As vice president,
I have to be there.

65
00:02:26,198 --> 00:02:27,832
Other than that,
I am done with you.

66
00:02:27,827 --> 00:02:29,228
You'll be back.

67
00:02:29,222 --> 00:02:34,262
I will not.

68
00:02:36,334 --> 00:02:39,605
I accidentally gave you
my house key.

69
00:02:41,984 --> 00:02:52,665
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com

70
00:02:52,619 --> 00:02:54,387
I hereby call this meeting

71
00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:56,949
of the fleetridge homeowners'
association to order.

72
00:02:56,939 --> 00:02:58,808
Present are ed goodson,
Rosemary pernworth,

73
00:02:58,801 --> 00:03:02,004
Marvin dingle,
and Irving and ting-ting Cohen.

74
00:03:04,916 --> 00:03:06,050
How odd.

75
00:03:06,045 --> 00:03:07,480
What are the chances of you
and your nurse

76
00:03:07,476 --> 00:03:08,776
having the same last name?

77
00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:11,106
Nurse.
I'm his wife.

78
00:03:11,096 --> 00:03:14,033
He's my boo.

79
00:03:14,021 --> 00:03:17,391
Oh, forgive me, I
didn't realize he was your boo.

80
00:03:17,378 --> 00:03:20,182
Let the record show
that I apologized

81
00:03:20,171 --> 00:03:22,907
to boo and ting-ting Cohen.

82
00:03:24,190 --> 00:03:25,424
So noted.

83
00:03:25,421 --> 00:03:26,655
Mr. president,
the floor is yours.

84
00:03:26,650 --> 00:03:28,819
Thank you,
madame secretary.

85
00:03:28,811 --> 00:03:31,147
Marvin is fine.

86
00:03:31,137 --> 00:03:35,608
There have been many rumors
about my presidency...

87
00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:38,326
That I bribed someone, that I
kissed the vice president.

88
00:03:40,941 --> 00:03:43,510
Let me assure you that only one
of these things are true,

89
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:45,469
and I didn't bribe anyone.

90
00:03:46,789 --> 00:03:48,424
You know,
we're trying to have a meeting.

91
00:03:48,418 --> 00:03:50,554
Marvin, would you please bring
up the first item of business?

92
00:03:50,546 --> 00:03:53,482
Okay, the gloucester house
restoration party is Friday.

93
00:03:53,470 --> 00:03:56,540
We'll need representation from
the homeowners' association.

94
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:57,895
Typically, that would be
the president.

95
00:03:57,890 --> 00:03:59,525
No.
Meeting adjourned.

96
00:03:59,518 --> 00:04:02,754
Wait. Wait, wait.
Someone has to be there.

97
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:03,877
Who's free Friday night?

98
00:04:03,872 --> 00:04:08,009
We can't.
It's shabbat.

99
00:04:07,993 --> 00:04:10,462
Fine. Fine.
I'll go.

100
00:04:10,452 --> 00:04:13,722
I just have to shuffle
some things.

101
00:04:13,709 --> 00:04:15,911
I have things.

102
00:04:15,902 --> 00:04:16,902
I'll go too.

103
00:04:16,898 --> 00:04:18,200
I don't have things.

104
00:04:18,196 --> 00:04:20,164
So moved.
Meeting adjourned.

105
00:04:20,157 --> 00:04:22,793
Wait. Hold on. We haven't
even gotten to new business.

106
00:04:22,782 --> 00:04:24,416
I would like to bring up
the issue

107
00:04:24,409 --> 00:04:27,012
of putting a speed bump
on pine Lane.

108
00:04:27,002 --> 00:04:28,303
Negative.
That's my street.

109
00:04:28,299 --> 00:04:30,334
Meeting adjourned.
That is my street too.

110
00:04:30,326 --> 00:04:32,761
And maniacs barrel down there
at 60 Miles an hour.

111
00:04:32,751 --> 00:04:34,353
It's not safe.
Well, it's not safe

112
00:04:34,347 --> 00:04:37,750
for me to hit a speed bump
going 60 Miles an hour.

113
00:04:40,563 --> 00:04:41,897
You know, maybe for once
you could do something

114
00:04:41,891 --> 00:04:43,625
for somebody else,
but I guess ed goodson

115
00:04:43,619 --> 00:04:45,755
doesn't do anything
that inconveniences him.

116
00:04:45,747 --> 00:04:47,048
Let'put to a vote.

117
00:04:47,043 --> 00:04:49,344
All in favor of putting
a speed bump on pine?

118
00:04:49,335 --> 00:04:50,436
All but ed: Aye.

119
00:04:50,432 --> 00:04:53,836
Where's my foot?

120
00:04:55,185 --> 00:04:57,954
Okay, 3 1/2 in favor.

121
00:04:57,943 --> 00:04:59,711
All opposed?

122
00:04:59,704 --> 00:05:01,739
So moved.
Speed bump will be installed

123
00:05:01,731 --> 00:05:03,031
on pine Lane.
Good.

124
00:05:03,027 --> 00:05:05,096
I'll go next door
and get the paperwork.

125
00:05:05,088 --> 00:05:07,691
Meeting adjourned.

126
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,381
This could have been
embarrassing.

127
00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,478
I almost wore the same outfit.

128
00:05:14,660 --> 00:05:16,227
So that Rosemary's
a hot number, huh?

129
00:05:16,221 --> 00:05:17,889
- Yeah.
- Between you and me,

130
00:05:17,883 --> 00:05:19,752
I've been working on her
since her husband passed away

131
00:05:19,745 --> 00:05:20,711
five years ago.

132
00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:22,310
And I'm finally
gonna ask her out

133
00:05:22,303 --> 00:05:23,770
at the house restoration party.

134
00:05:23,765 --> 00:05:27,536
Between you and me,
I'm gonna nail her.

135
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,588
That's terrible.

136
00:05:29,581 --> 00:05:32,451
Anyway, how do we undo
this speed bump thing?

137
00:05:32,439 --> 00:05:34,941
Well, you're the president.
I guess you could just veto it,

138
00:05:34,931 --> 00:05:37,100
but that's kind
of a real jerky thing to do.

139
00:05:37,092 --> 00:05:41,464
Yeah, it is. I hereby
veto the speed bump.

140
00:05:47,536 --> 00:05:50,040
Hey, anybody need
any sweeping done?

141
00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:53,668
'Cause I just got
a new push broom.

142
00:05:56,845 --> 00:05:59,883
Let me see.

143
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,466
<i>Holy super Mario.</i>

144
00:06:06,021 --> 00:06:08,490
I know. Doesn't he look
exactly like tom Selleck

145
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:11,852
from the nose down
and the lip up?

146
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:13,540
You want to just pay me now?

147
00:06:13,534 --> 00:06:14,668
Hey, hey.

148
00:06:14,663 --> 00:06:16,632
It hasn't been a week yet.

149
00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:18,661
Trust me, this baby's
gonna sprout over night,

150
00:06:18,654 --> 00:06:20,088
and when it does,

151
00:06:20,082 --> 00:06:24,623
it's gonna look like one of
those time-lapse nature videos.

152
00:06:26,631 --> 00:06:28,133
Yours isn't even a moustache.

153
00:06:28,128 --> 00:06:29,663
It's a blueprint
for where a moustache

154
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,292
might one day be built.

155
00:06:31,287 --> 00:06:34,257
We'll see in a week.

156
00:06:34,244 --> 00:06:35,312
Who's gonna be the judge?

157
00:06:35,308 --> 00:06:36,509
Where the hell
is the febreze?

158
00:06:36,505 --> 00:06:40,711
I got to get some ting-ting
off my couch-couch.

159
00:06:40,694 --> 00:06:44,065
Dad, we need you
to judge us.

160
00:06:44,051 --> 00:06:46,588
Fine.
You're both disappointments.

161
00:06:50,967 --> 00:06:52,935
Oh, I'm rry, people,

162
00:06:52,927 --> 00:06:54,295
this took me so long.

163
00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:56,092
I couldn't find the papers.
Here you go.

164
00:06:56,086 --> 00:06:58,456
Where... where is everybody?

165
00:06:58,446 --> 00:06:59,581
The meeting broke up.

166
00:06:59,578 --> 00:07:00,779
When?

167
00:07:00,774 --> 00:07:02,642
- How long have you been gone?
- 30 minutes.

168
00:07:02,635 --> 00:07:05,239
29 1/2 minutes ago.

169
00:07:05,229 --> 00:07:08,467
Well, good for you.

170
00:07:08,453 --> 00:07:10,488
Well, your first meeting.

171
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,583
What did you think
of ting-ting and Irving?

172
00:07:12,575 --> 00:07:13,608
Quite a pair.

173
00:07:13,605 --> 00:07:15,809
Yes, I think he bought them
for her.

174
00:07:26,970 --> 00:07:29,072
Want to go upstairs?

175
00:07:29,065 --> 00:07:32,336
Why?
What's upstairs?

176
00:07:32,322 --> 00:07:34,992
My bed.

177
00:07:34,982 --> 00:07:36,183
I'll take the dent
in the middle.

178
00:07:36,178 --> 00:07:38,014
You can have the high ground.

179
00:07:44,324 --> 00:07:45,692
That's hilarious.

180
00:07:45,686 --> 00:07:46,954
I'm serious.

181
00:07:46,950 --> 00:07:48,986
Let's go upstairs
and have some adult fun.

182
00:07:48,978 --> 00:07:50,679
- Oh, ed.
- What's the problem?

183
00:07:50,673 --> 00:07:51,841
You're pretty.

184
00:07:51,837 --> 00:07:52,871
There's chemistry.

185
00:07:52,867 --> 00:07:54,034
We're neighbors,

186
00:07:54,030 --> 00:07:57,069
so it's a very short walk
of shame home.

187
00:07:59,848 --> 00:08:01,685
Well, that well may be, ed,

188
00:08:01,678 --> 00:08:04,381
but I am n gonna just jump
in bed with you.

189
00:08:04,371 --> 00:08:05,806
Why not?

190
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,169
It'll be fun.

191
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:09,261
We can role-play.

192
00:08:09,257 --> 00:08:12,395
We could be Irving
and ting-ting.

193
00:08:12,382 --> 00:08:16,288
I'll let you be Irving.

194
00:08:16,272 --> 00:08:18,140
Look, I'm not
that kind of woman.

195
00:08:18,133 --> 00:08:19,701
Are you serious?

196
00:08:19,695 --> 00:08:22,633
I need to be courted.

197
00:08:22,622 --> 00:08:24,257
Hey, listen,
I've been married three times.

198
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,253
And each one of them
took me to court.

199
00:08:26,245 --> 00:08:28,614
I'm done courting.

200
00:08:28,604 --> 00:08:30,807
Well, I still believe
in romance.

201
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,069
I hear you talking.

202
00:08:33,059 --> 00:08:35,229
You can be ting-ting.

203
00:08:35,221 --> 00:08:37,189
Ed, I'm not gonna
just go upstairs

204
00:08:37,182 --> 00:08:38,851
with someone I barely know
just to have some fun

205
00:08:38,844 --> 00:08:39,845
for a couple of hours.

206
00:08:39,842 --> 00:08:41,844
Couple of hours?

207
00:08:41,836 --> 00:08:45,408
You planning on watching
a movie afterwards?

208
00:08:48,552 --> 00:08:51,556
Gosh.
You're really selling it.

209
00:08:51,544 --> 00:08:53,847
Hey, life is short.

210
00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:56,339
You've got to grab
the good times while you can.

211
00:08:56,329 --> 00:08:58,800
Rosemary.

212
00:08:58,791 --> 00:09:00,960
Well, ed, to me,
the good times happen

213
00:09:00,952 --> 00:09:03,890
when you really care
about somebody.

214
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,311
Otherwise,
it's meaningless.

215
00:09:05,307 --> 00:09:07,476
All right,
let's split the difference.

216
00:09:07,467 --> 00:09:09,570
We'll have sex
and regret it afterwards.

217
00:09:09,562 --> 00:09:13,100
You know,
this is a perfect example

218
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,554
of the difference
between you and I.

219
00:09:14,548 --> 00:09:16,417
You are the guy who wants
to barrel down the street

220
00:09:16,409 --> 00:09:18,112
at 60 Miles an hour
to get to your destination

221
00:09:18,107 --> 00:09:20,576
as fast as you can,
and I want to go slowly

222
00:09:20,566 --> 00:09:22,535
and enjoy the journey
along the way,

223
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:24,831
leave my left turn signal on
for Miles,

224
00:09:24,822 --> 00:09:28,594
and Miles and Miles, as my
daughter constantly points out.

225
00:09:28,578 --> 00:09:30,847
- I'm not gonna beg.
- Well, good.

226
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,006
I will bribe.

227
00:09:32,002 --> 00:09:35,106
For goodness' sake,
just sign this paper

228
00:09:35,094 --> 00:09:36,062
so we can get our speed bump.

229
00:09:36,058 --> 00:09:37,826
The speed bump
is not gonna happen.

230
00:09:37,819 --> 00:09:39,855
- We voted on it.
- I vetoed.

231
00:09:39,848 --> 00:09:41,417
Why? Because I wouldn't sleep
with you?

232
00:09:41,410 --> 00:09:46,784
No. I did it beforehand when
I still thought I had a chance.

233
00:09:46,762 --> 00:09:48,998
But it shows you what kind
of an honorable man I am.

234
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,891
Let's go upstairs
and celebrate.

235
00:09:50,884 --> 00:09:53,021
You are not an honorable man.

236
00:09:53,013 --> 00:09:54,314
You're a selfish man!

237
00:09:54,309 --> 00:09:56,044
Why don't you just go upstairs,
lie in your dent,

238
00:09:56,037 --> 00:09:58,907
and play with your ting-ting.

239
00:10:03,551 --> 00:10:07,824
So what are you doing?

240
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:13,682
A load of your beige,
gray under-over-things.

241
00:10:14,954 --> 00:10:16,956
Let me ask you a question.

242
00:10:16,948 --> 00:10:17,982
You're a woman, right?

243
00:10:17,979 --> 00:10:19,414
Well, if I'm not,

244
00:10:19,408 --> 00:10:22,912
I'm wasting a lot of money
at the gynecologist.

245
00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:28,058
What do you want, ed?

246
00:10:28,052 --> 00:10:32,225
Why do you think
Rosemary wants me to court her?

247
00:10:32,207 --> 00:10:37,147
Honestly, ed,
I have no idea.

248
00:10:37,127 --> 00:10:40,031
I mean, she acknowledged
th she was attracted to ,

249
00:10:40,020 --> 00:10:42,056
and when I offered to take her
upstairs, she said no.

250
00:10:42,047 --> 00:10:44,049
It's very confusing.

251
00:10:44,042 --> 00:10:45,544
She wants you to court her.

252
00:10:45,539 --> 00:10:48,676
That's what she said.

253
00:10:48,663 --> 00:10:50,198
Who courts at my age?

254
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:53,130
- It's romantic.
- It's stupid.

255
00:10:53,118 --> 00:10:54,853
Don't you want a woman
who's romantic?

256
00:10:54,846 --> 00:10:56,180
No.

257
00:10:56,176 --> 00:10:58,646
Well, what do you want
in a woman?

258
00:10:58,636 --> 00:11:00,906
- Me.
- Ugh.

259
00:11:04,719 --> 00:11:06,823
Ugh.
Ed, ed, what traits

260
00:11:06,815 --> 00:11:08,349
do you want
in a woman?

261
00:11:08,344 --> 00:11:10,280
I'm not picky.

262
00:11:10,272 --> 00:11:12,909
Two legs and a working eye.

263
00:11:12,899 --> 00:11:15,702
And the eye's negotiable.

264
00:11:15,691 --> 00:11:18,094
Well, then, what's wrong
with Rosemary?

265
00:11:18,085 --> 00:11:19,486
She said no.

266
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:21,583
Well, then, romance her,
take her out.

267
00:11:21,574 --> 00:11:23,510
Buy her flowers.
Sweep her off her feet.

268
00:11:23,503 --> 00:11:25,706
You could start by buying
some new clothes.

269
00:11:25,698 --> 00:11:26,999
I don't want
to romance her.

270
00:11:26,994 --> 00:11:28,061
Why not?

271
00:11:28,058 --> 00:11:29,459
I don't wanna.

272
00:11:31,781 --> 00:11:33,149
The real reason.
I don't wanna.

273
00:11:33,145 --> 00:11:37,385
- The real reason.
- I don't want to romance her.

274
00:11:37,366 --> 00:11:38,834
You know what I think?

275
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:41,700
I think you're afraid
to put your heart on the line,

276
00:11:41,688 --> 00:11:43,056
because you really like
this woman,

277
00:11:43,051 --> 00:11:44,619
and you know
if something starts,

278
00:11:44,613 --> 00:11:46,615
then you're in deep,
and the last few times

279
00:11:46,607 --> 00:11:48,142
you've done that,
you've been burned.

280
00:11:48,137 --> 00:11:51,676
And I think you're afraid
to let that happen again.

281
00:11:51,661 --> 00:11:54,398
- That's not it at all.
- Mm.

282
00:11:55,583 --> 00:11:57,018
I don't care
about this woman.

283
00:11:57,013 --> 00:12:02,388
I just want somebody to be
an Irving to my ting-ting.

284
00:12:04,294 --> 00:12:06,096
You don't care
about this woman, ed?

285
00:12:06,089 --> 00:12:07,290
In all the years
I've known you,

286
00:12:07,286 --> 00:12:09,255
this is the first woman
you've even asked about,

287
00:12:09,247 --> 00:12:10,482
and there's been many of them.

288
00:12:10,478 --> 00:12:11,712
- Many.
- All right. All right.

289
00:12:11,708 --> 00:12:13,176
Blagh. Blagh.

290
00:12:13,170 --> 00:12:14,571
All right, ed,
what I'm saying is,

291
00:12:14,566 --> 00:12:17,403
if she wasn't special
to you,

292
00:12:17,391 --> 00:12:19,995
would we even be having
this conversation?

293
00:12:19,985 --> 00:12:22,555
You don't know
what you're talking about.

294
00:12:22,545 --> 00:12:25,716
Mind your own business.
Okay.

295
00:12:27,471 --> 00:12:30,798
Where do we go
to buy new clothes?

296
00:12:36,616 --> 00:12:37,884
Let's get the hell
out of here.

297
00:12:37,879 --> 00:12:39,447
Ed, you have to keep
an open mind.

298
00:12:39,441 --> 00:12:41,042
This is a very trendy store.

299
00:12:41,037 --> 00:12:43,373
I'm sure you'll find something
you like.

300
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:46,200
I think I see something
over there.

301
00:12:46,189 --> 00:12:47,224
All right,
I'm just gonna see

302
00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:48,588
if they have this skirt
in my size.

303
00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:50,786
You know,
just for fun.

304
00:12:50,777 --> 00:12:53,647
How much for a lap dance?

305
00:12:55,330 --> 00:12:58,401
Ed, ed,
what... what are you doing?

306
00:12:58,390 --> 00:13:00,225
I saw something I liked...
A stripper.

307
00:13:00,217 --> 00:13:02,721
She's not a stripper.
She works here.

308
00:13:02,711 --> 00:13:05,614
Ed, you've got
to stop objectifying women.

309
00:13:05,603 --> 00:13:07,072
It's off-putting.

310
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,102
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
hold on.

311
00:13:09,094 --> 00:13:10,962
Two, four, six, eight.

312
00:13:10,955 --> 00:13:14,093
Whoa, whowhoo!Oa,
and they're all there.

313
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,150
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.

314
00:13:16,142 --> 00:13:17,509
Can I help you?

315
00:13:17,504 --> 00:13:18,872
Yes, we're looking
for some men's clothing.

316
00:13:18,868 --> 00:13:22,407
Although if you can't find any,
I doubt if I can either.

317
00:13:22,391 --> 00:13:25,127
Well, I would start out
with the pants.

318
00:13:25,117 --> 00:13:29,490
Maybe something
a little less that.

319
00:13:29,472 --> 00:13:34,412
And a little more something
like... like this?

320
00:13:34,391 --> 00:13:37,095
I'm not paying $100 for a pair
of pants that are ripped.

321
00:13:37,085 --> 00:13:40,856
They're not ripped.
They're distressed.

322
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,242
It makes them cost more.

323
00:13:42,237 --> 00:13:45,341
In that case, I'm wearing
an $80 pair of underwear.

324
00:13:45,328 --> 00:13:49,400
Look, why don't I just let
you two figure this out?

325
00:13:49,383 --> 00:13:50,651
Ed, what is wrong
with you?

326
00:13:50,646 --> 00:13:51,948
I thought you wanted me
to help you.

327
00:13:51,944 --> 00:13:55,481
I don't see why I have to look
like a gay homeless man

328
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:57,436
in order to prove
that I like this woman.

329
00:13:57,428 --> 00:13:58,896
If she doesn't like me
for who I am,

330
00:13:58,891 --> 00:14:00,293
maybe she's not worth it.

331
00:14:00,288 --> 00:14:03,759
Ed, think about it, if she
did like you for who you are,

332
00:14:03,745 --> 00:14:06,315
would you trust her judgment?

333
00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:07,907
Good point.

334
00:14:10,127 --> 00:14:11,395
, yeah.

335
00:14:11,390 --> 00:14:14,394
There it is.

336
00:14:14,382 --> 00:14:15,950
It's not a moustache, okay?

337
00:14:15,944 --> 00:14:17,613
It's just the light hitting
your peach fuzz.

338
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,741
Trust me,
I have this conversation

339
00:14:18,737 --> 00:14:20,005
with Bonnie all the time.

340
00:14:22,793 --> 00:14:25,028
Oh, crap, I can't afford
a ticket right now.

341
00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:26,655
Okay, okay, relax, relax.

342
00:14:26,649 --> 00:14:29,820
My friend Chris used to get out
of tickets all the time.

343
00:14:29,807 --> 00:14:32,444
- Great. How?
- She'd cry and show her boobs.

344
00:14:34,627 --> 00:14:37,298
My shirt's tucked in.

345
00:14:37,287 --> 00:14:38,655
You just ran that stop sign.

346
00:14:38,650 --> 00:14:40,251
License and registration,
please.

347
00:14:40,245 --> 00:14:41,313
I'm sorry, officer.
I was just talking

348
00:14:41,309 --> 00:14:43,078
to my brother, and we...
You know what?

349
00:14:43,072 --> 00:14:45,140
Don't worry about it.
Those things are hard to see.

350
00:14:45,132 --> 00:14:46,934
Just be careful next time.

351
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:49,697
Oh, thank you, officer.

352
00:14:49,686 --> 00:14:53,558
Nice 'stache.

353
00:14:54,341 --> 00:14:56,710
I hear that.

354
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:57,901
You're not wearing
your seat belt.

355
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,465
That's a $50 fine.

356
00:15:05,676 --> 00:15:06,977
Hey.

357
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,042
Nice party.
Ed.

358
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,634
What are you doing here,

359
00:15:10,628 --> 00:15:14,835
and why are you dressed
like captain stubing?

360
00:15:14,818 --> 00:15:15,952
I'm courting you.

361
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:18,184
Oh, you think you can
just come here

362
00:15:18,175 --> 00:15:20,678
and win me over by dressing up
like a handsome sailor?

363
00:15:20,668 --> 00:15:22,403
Is it working?

364
00:15:22,397 --> 00:15:24,599
A little bit.

365
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,060
Go on.

366
00:15:26,054 --> 00:15:30,794
Well, my daughter-in-law said,
if you care about someone,

367
00:15:30,774 --> 00:15:32,208
you got to make the effort.

368
00:15:32,204 --> 00:15:35,309
So she took me
to this trendy clothing store

369
00:15:35,296 --> 00:15:38,901
and tried to get me
to buy some ridiculous clothes

370
00:15:38,885 --> 00:15:42,323
that no self-respecting man
over the age of 20

371
00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:43,444
would be caught dead in.

372
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,143
Hello, Rosemary.

373
00:15:52,382 --> 00:15:54,652
Jealous much?

374
00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:59,702
Anyway,

375
00:15:59,696 --> 00:16:03,100
if you're willing
to give it a shot,

376
00:16:03,086 --> 00:16:05,156
I'm willing to take it slow.

377
00:16:05,148 --> 00:16:06,749
Are you serious?

378
00:16:06,743 --> 00:16:07,944
Give you my word

379
00:16:07,940 --> 00:16:10,877
as an officer
and a gentleman.

380
00:16:12,129 --> 00:16:13,397
Well, I'm impressed

381
00:16:13,392 --> 00:16:15,160
and, I must say,
a little surprised.

382
00:16:15,153 --> 00:16:17,456
Well, actually, I have
a surprise for you tonight

383
00:16:17,448 --> 00:16:19,284
that I'd like to show you.

384
00:16:19,276 --> 00:16:21,545
- What is it?
- Trust me.

385
00:16:21,536 --> 00:16:23,939
You'll like it.
What are you drinking?

386
00:16:23,930 --> 00:16:26,767
Well, I wouldn't say no
to a glass of chardonnay.

387
00:16:26,755 --> 00:16:28,924
Unless it wanted
to sleep with you.

388
00:16:35,930 --> 00:16:40,202
Rosemary, would...
Would you like to dance?

389
00:16:40,185 --> 00:16:42,655
But there's no music playing,
Marvin.

390
00:16:45,903 --> 00:16:49,742
I hate myself so much
right now.

391
00:16:49,726 --> 00:16:53,498
Anyway, I'm waiting for ed.

392
00:16:53,483 --> 00:16:55,985
He apparently has some kind
of surprise for me.

393
00:16:55,975 --> 00:16:57,343
Oh, boy.
That's a killer.

394
00:16:57,338 --> 00:16:59,175
- What?
- I can't say.

395
00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:01,436
It's guy code.

396
00:17:01,428 --> 00:17:02,629
He said he was gonna sleep
with you.

397
00:17:02,625 --> 00:17:04,894
- He did?
- No, he didn't.

398
00:17:04,885 --> 00:17:06,186
He said he was gonna nail you.

399
00:17:06,181 --> 00:17:08,350
He told you that?

400
00:17:08,342 --> 00:17:09,843
I've said too much.

401
00:17:09,837 --> 00:17:12,608
Nail you good, Rosemary.

402
00:17:12,597 --> 00:17:14,532
Oh, here he comes, but you
didn't hear that from me.

403
00:17:14,524 --> 00:17:16,260
That he said
he was gonna nail you.

404
00:17:16,254 --> 00:17:19,325
One chardonnay.

405
00:17:19,312 --> 00:17:22,983
Here's to taking it slow.

406
00:17:22,969 --> 00:17:24,738
So what's the surprise
you have for me?

407
00:17:24,731 --> 00:17:26,666
Well, if I told you,
it wouldn't be a surprise.

408
00:17:26,659 --> 00:17:29,363
Let's just say you have
to drive home with me tonight

409
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:33,090
in order to see it.

410
00:17:33,075 --> 00:17:36,380
Well, I have
a little surprise myself.

411
00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:38,668
I never want
to speak to you again.

412
00:17:38,659 --> 00:17:42,364
- What?
- Good-bye, ed.

413
00:17:48,761 --> 00:17:50,932
Hmm. Oh, no.

414
00:17:50,923 --> 00:17:53,261
No, he tried to lure me
back to his house.

415
00:17:53,253 --> 00:17:56,927
Claimed he had some kind
of surprise for me.

416
00:17:56,911 --> 00:18:00,919
The only surprise
was that I fell for it.

417
00:18:00,903 --> 00:18:04,610
So stupid.

418
00:18:04,594 --> 00:18:07,266
Do you think I'm stupid?

419
00:18:07,255 --> 00:18:10,128
Ma'am, this service
is for directions

420
00:18:10,117 --> 00:18:13,490
and emergencies only.

421
00:18:13,477 --> 00:18:16,817
It is an emergency.

422
00:18:16,803 --> 00:18:21,880
My neighbor's a complete ass...

423
00:18:21,859 --> 00:18:23,462
Holy smokes.

424
00:18:23,456 --> 00:18:25,459
Are you okay?
What happened?

425
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:28,726
That was the surprise.

426
00:18:28,712 --> 00:18:31,016
He put in a speed bump.

427
00:18:39,821 --> 00:18:41,825
Damn.
That was awful.

428
00:18:41,818 --> 00:18:43,120
What happened?

429
00:18:43,115 --> 00:18:46,221
All these years,
I still don't understand women.

430
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,046
I guess the best thing to do
is to treat 'em

431
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:50,109
like cranberry sauce
on Thanksgiving.

432
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:56,208
Take a spoonful and quickly
pass it on to the next guy.

433
00:18:56,188 --> 00:18:59,795
Wow, ed,
on behalf of women everywhere,

434
00:18:59,780 --> 00:19:01,683
yuck.

435
00:19:01,676 --> 00:19:05,150
See, the thing is,
I really liked her.

436
00:19:05,135 --> 00:19:08,809
That's why I don't put myself
out there with women.

437
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,368
What was that for?

438
00:19:23,364 --> 00:19:25,802
Putting in the speed bump.
I drove over it.

439
00:19:25,793 --> 00:19:26,995
That's why I'm covered
in milkshake.

440
00:19:26,990 --> 00:19:29,294
I know.
I checked it out myself.

441
00:19:29,286 --> 00:19:32,426
I can still do 45
without bottoming out my impala.

442
00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:36,216
If you still want to,
I'd be happy

443
00:19:36,206 --> 00:19:37,474
for you to court me.

444
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:38,738
It would be my honor.

445
00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:40,604
Okay.

446
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,165
I'll go home
and get changed.

447
00:19:42,159 --> 00:19:44,229
And then you can begin courting.

448
00:19:49,477 --> 00:19:51,113
Congratulations, ed.

449
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:52,443
Looks like you nailed it.

450
00:19:52,438 --> 00:19:55,544
Have you no respect?
That is the woman I'm courting.

451
00:20:08,171 --> 00:20:11,712
Wow, you really do look
like your mother.

452
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:18,060
Henry, come on,
it's time!

453
00:20:20,846 --> 00:20:24,352
All right.
Came in last night,

454
00:20:24,338 --> 00:20:26,643
and it looks mean.

455
00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:29,038
Come on.
Let's just see it.

456
00:20:29,029 --> 00:20:30,565
All right.

457
00:20:30,558 --> 00:20:32,595
Here we go.

458
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,381
Whoa.

459
00:20:40,704 --> 00:20:45,648
Now, dad, who wins?

460
00:20:53,578 --> 00:20:55,280
How'd you know
it was fake?

461
00:20:55,273 --> 00:20:57,711
I didn't.

462
00:20:58,804 --> 00:21:05,150
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com