1
00:00:03,384 --> 00:00:05,986
Son, sit down.
The house is clean enough.
2
00:00:05,987 --> 00:00:07,888
We didn't accidentally
kill a hooker.
3
00:00:07,889 --> 00:00:09,690
We had brunch.
4
00:00:09,691 --> 00:00:11,208
Rules are not children!
5
00:00:11,209 --> 00:00:12,526
You just can't throw them out.
6
00:00:12,527 --> 00:00:15,045
When they become
a pain in the ass!
7
00:00:15,046 --> 00:00:17,014
If that squash were any uglier,
8
00:00:17,015 --> 00:00:19,900
your brother would have tried
to sleep with it in college.
9
00:00:19,901 --> 00:00:21,935
Did you write an article
about me?
10
00:00:21,936 --> 00:00:24,738
I wrote an article
about me living with you.
11
00:00:24,739 --> 00:00:26,690
- Am I in it?
- Yes.
12
00:00:26,691 --> 00:00:28,675
You're the "you" part.
13
00:00:28,676 --> 00:00:29,910
You're exploiting me.
14
00:00:29,911 --> 00:00:31,545
I'm not some 11-year-old
in China.
15
00:00:31,546 --> 00:00:34,181
Making blue jeans
for Kathie Lee Gifford.
16
00:00:34,182 --> 00:00:36,199
Look at us.
17
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,486
We're sitting around,
watching tv after dinner.
18
00:00:39,487 --> 00:00:41,355
This is kind of awesome.
19
00:00:41,356 --> 00:00:44,391
It's like
we're a normal family.
20
00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:47,193
Yeah, Dad, his two grown sons,
one of their wives,
21
00:00:47,194 --> 00:00:50,130
a maid with balls.
22
00:00:50,131 --> 00:00:53,300
Somebody call Norman Rockwell.
23
00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:01,375
What have I told you about
working at the kitchen table?
24
00:01:01,376 --> 00:01:03,076
Kitchen table's
for two things...
25
00:01:03,077 --> 00:01:06,480
Eating and making love.
26
00:01:06,481 --> 00:01:10,083
And now it's not
for eating anymore.
27
00:01:10,084 --> 00:01:11,785
Besides, I'm not working.
What are you doing?
28
00:01:11,786 --> 00:01:13,453
Updating my Facebook status.
29
00:01:13,454 --> 00:01:15,422
Your status
hasn't changed in a year...
30
00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:19,493
"Lives with Dad,
still counts chest hairs."
31
00:01:21,129 --> 00:01:22,295
I am going to write
32
00:01:22,296 --> 00:01:25,766
"in the Hizzie Fo' Shizzie."
33
00:01:25,767 --> 00:01:27,367
But I'm gonna keep
your suggestion in mind.
34
00:01:27,368 --> 00:01:29,703
When are you gonna let me
put you on Facebook?
35
00:01:29,704 --> 00:01:32,372
I'm not interested.
I'm completely off the grid.
36
00:01:32,373 --> 00:01:34,041
As far as anyone knows,
I cease to exist.
37
00:01:34,042 --> 00:01:36,209
I've completely disappeared,
38
00:01:36,210 --> 00:01:38,979
like that black guy
in the Rush Hour movies.
39
00:01:40,948 --> 00:01:42,749
Wait. Who?
40
00:01:42,750 --> 00:01:44,484
Exactly.
41
00:01:44,485 --> 00:01:47,320
Well, Dad, there's
so much you can do on here.
42
00:01:47,321 --> 00:01:48,922
You can share videos,
post pictures.
43
00:01:48,923 --> 00:01:51,191
Here, check this out.
I got, like, 200 pics on here.
44
00:01:51,192 --> 00:01:53,226
You're doing this
in all of them.
45
00:01:53,227 --> 00:01:56,730
Yeah. Shows people
I'm having fun.
46
00:01:56,731 --> 00:01:59,032
Shows people you're a schmuck.
47
00:01:59,033 --> 00:02:00,300
All right.
48
00:02:00,301 --> 00:02:02,302
Someone's not gettin' poked.
49
00:02:02,303 --> 00:02:04,905
Yeah, you,
if you keep doing this.
50
00:02:04,906 --> 00:02:07,240
Why do you have to be
so negative about it?
51
00:02:07,241 --> 00:02:09,209
We'll know two weeks.
Honey, I'm not pregnant.
52
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:11,411
I know my body... I don't have
any of the symptoms...
53
00:02:11,412 --> 00:02:13,780
Any of the bloating,
the weird food cravings,
54
00:02:13,781 --> 00:02:15,148
the sensitive breasts.
55
00:02:15,149 --> 00:02:17,317
Maybe Vince is pregnant.
56
00:02:17,318 --> 00:02:21,555
Honey, look, let's just
not talk about it anymore, okay?
57
00:02:21,556 --> 00:02:23,190
We're just gonna throw ourselves
into our work.
58
00:02:23,191 --> 00:02:25,292
I have five open houses
set up for tomorrow.
59
00:02:25,293 --> 00:02:27,144
We're just gonna focus
on that, okay?
60
00:02:27,145 --> 00:02:28,795
No more talk about pregnancy.
61
00:02:28,796 --> 00:02:31,198
♪ Mood swings ♪
62
00:02:32,316 --> 00:02:34,768
- What are you doing?
- Updating my Facebook status.
63
00:02:34,769 --> 00:02:35,869
Oh. Sweet.
64
00:02:35,870 --> 00:02:37,471
You still chillin'
like a villain?
65
00:02:37,472 --> 00:02:38,638
Nah.
66
00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:42,342
Now I'm in the Hizzie...
Fo' Shizzie.
67
00:02:42,343 --> 00:02:45,479
Cool. I'm gonna go online
and like that.
68
00:02:48,683 --> 00:02:50,717
Okay, Dad, listen to this.
69
00:02:50,718 --> 00:02:53,386
Some really cute girl
just messaged me on Facebook,
70
00:02:53,387 --> 00:02:56,256
says she's read the article
I wrote about you,
71
00:02:56,257 --> 00:02:58,024
and now she wants to meet me.
72
00:02:58,025 --> 00:02:59,926
What does that tell you?
73
00:02:59,927 --> 00:03:03,764
Tells me you can't smell
someone through a computer.
74
00:03:03,765 --> 00:03:05,699
[Ben Folds Five's Your Dogs]
75
00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:09,052
♪ Don't you think
you want to be ♪
76
00:03:09,053 --> 00:03:13,940
♪ just a little more like me ♪
77
00:03:13,941 --> 00:03:15,892
♪ oh oh oh ♪
78
00:03:16,092 --> 00:03:18,592
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7Ed.com.
79
00:03:20,414 --> 00:03:22,716
Hey, Dad, can I talk
to you for a second?
80
00:03:22,717 --> 00:03:24,534
I'm very busy.
81
00:03:24,535 --> 00:03:28,054
"Dear cool whip..."
82
00:03:29,457 --> 00:03:31,291
I want to know
if it's still nondairy.
83
00:03:31,292 --> 00:03:36,229
And if so, why do I have
to keep it in the fridge?
84
00:03:36,230 --> 00:03:37,831
What do you want?
85
00:03:37,832 --> 00:03:40,767
- Okay, uh, remember that girl
who Facebook-messaged me
86
00:03:40,768 --> 00:03:42,569
'cause she read the article
I wrote about you?
87
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:45,739
Yes, it's all I've been
thinking about.
88
00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:48,008
Well, her name is
Laura Griffin.
89
00:03:48,009 --> 00:03:49,759
We just had coffee a bit ago.
Dad, she's great.
90
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:50,911
She's interesting.
91
00:03:50,912 --> 00:03:53,730
She's funny and...
Here's the thing.
92
00:03:53,731 --> 00:03:55,148
She wants to meet you.
93
00:03:55,149 --> 00:03:56,850
Why would she want to meet me?
94
00:03:56,851 --> 00:03:58,401
- 'Cause of the article.
- What article?
95
00:03:58,402 --> 00:03:59,920
The one I wrote about you.
96
00:03:59,921 --> 00:04:01,888
You wrote an article about me?
97
00:04:01,889 --> 00:04:04,758
You really don't listen
to anything I say, do you?
98
00:04:04,759 --> 00:04:07,160
I'm sorry.
What did you say?
99
00:04:08,296 --> 00:04:09,729
Laura and I are gonna
go out in a bit,
100
00:04:09,730 --> 00:04:11,932
and I want to know if I can
bring her by here beforehand.
101
00:04:11,933 --> 00:04:13,733
- No.
- Why not?
102
00:04:13,734 --> 00:04:15,001
Because you're gonna
introduce us.
103
00:04:15,002 --> 00:04:16,253
She's gonna want
to say something.
104
00:04:16,254 --> 00:04:17,671
Then I'm gonna
have to say something.
105
00:04:17,672 --> 00:04:19,172
She's gonna respond to that.
106
00:04:19,173 --> 00:04:21,908
Before you know it,
we're talking, and, uh...
107
00:04:21,909 --> 00:04:23,777
I hate that.
108
00:04:23,778 --> 00:04:26,112
That's called
a conversation, Dad.
109
00:04:26,113 --> 00:04:28,598
I know, and I hate that!
And I hate Facebook.
110
00:04:28,599 --> 00:04:30,784
And I don't want to talk
to anyone new.
111
00:04:30,785 --> 00:04:34,304
All I want to know is,
can I or can I not put.
112
00:04:34,305 --> 00:04:39,159
The cool whip in the closet
with the mop & glo?
113
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,394
Dad, I'm appealing
to you as a man.
114
00:04:41,395 --> 00:04:42,896
Please meet this girl.
115
00:04:42,897 --> 00:04:44,097
- No.
- Fine.
116
00:04:44,098 --> 00:04:46,149
Then I'm appealing
to you as your son.
117
00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:47,934
Meet her.
No.
118
00:04:47,935 --> 00:04:51,872
Dad, I want to get laid.
119
00:04:51,873 --> 00:04:55,542
Oh!
Bring her by!
120
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,894
How about now?
You feel any different?
121
00:05:05,895 --> 00:05:08,296
Yeah. I think
I just felt it kick.
122
00:05:08,297 --> 00:05:09,431
Oh, my God, really?
123
00:05:09,432 --> 00:05:10,565
No. But you will.
124
00:05:10,566 --> 00:05:12,067
If you keep asking
if I'm pregnant.
125
00:05:12,068 --> 00:05:14,069
- I'm sorry.
- I told you.
126
00:05:14,070 --> 00:05:16,071
I just want to focus on houses.
Okay, you're right.
127
00:05:16,072 --> 00:05:18,573
Well, this place is incredible.
I know, I know.
128
00:05:18,574 --> 00:05:19,808
I heard that the black guy.
129
00:05:19,809 --> 00:05:23,578
From the Rush Hour movies
used to live here.
130
00:05:23,579 --> 00:05:26,381
Who?
131
00:05:26,382 --> 00:05:28,517
- I-I don't know.
I don't know.
132
00:05:28,518 --> 00:05:30,886
Oh, honey, maybe it's...
Maybe it's too much.
133
00:05:30,887 --> 00:05:33,055
I mean, come on, who's
gonna give us this listing?
134
00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:34,756
Honey,
that's the wrong attitude.
135
00:05:34,757 --> 00:05:36,458
Look, if we're gonna throw
ourselves into our work,
136
00:05:36,459 --> 00:05:38,126
then we have to act
like we belong, okay?
137
00:05:38,127 --> 00:05:40,262
You're right.
You're right.
138
00:05:40,263 --> 00:05:42,597
I mean,
why couldn't we sell this house?
139
00:05:42,598 --> 00:05:45,233
Yeah. We're as classy
as anyone else in there.
140
00:05:45,234 --> 00:05:47,936
Uh, excuse me,
Vince and Bonnie Goodson?
141
00:05:47,937 --> 00:05:49,437
- Yeah, sorry.
- I'm sorry.
142
00:05:49,438 --> 00:05:50,939
We thought they were
complimentary.
143
00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:53,075
Here you go.
144
00:05:53,076 --> 00:05:55,143
They are.
145
00:05:55,144 --> 00:05:57,112
Oh, great.
146
00:05:57,113 --> 00:05:58,980
How do you know our names?
147
00:05:58,981 --> 00:06:00,832
You were the last people
to sign the guest book.
148
00:06:00,833 --> 00:06:03,251
I'm guessing 'cause
you took all the pens.
149
00:06:03,252 --> 00:06:05,504
Anyway,
my name is Freddy Brooks,
150
00:06:05,505 --> 00:06:06,638
and I am the producer.
151
00:06:06,639 --> 00:06:09,391
Of the real divorcees
of San Diego.
152
00:06:09,392 --> 00:06:11,860
Oh, that's our favorite
reality show!
153
00:06:11,861 --> 00:06:14,096
The finale was amazing.
Yeah.
154
00:06:14,097 --> 00:06:16,598
Yeah. I wrote that episode.
Anyway...
155
00:06:16,599 --> 00:06:19,534
One of the divorcees
is buying this house,
156
00:06:19,535 --> 00:06:21,403
and the realtor on the show
just dropped out.
157
00:06:21,404 --> 00:06:22,904
So I was thinking
that maybe you...
158
00:06:22,905 --> 00:06:24,606
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, we'll do it.
159
00:06:24,607 --> 00:06:25,974
All right, well, hold on.
160
00:06:25,975 --> 00:06:27,809
This is a big-time tv show.
161
00:06:27,810 --> 00:06:30,328
You know,
we need very specific people.
162
00:06:30,329 --> 00:06:32,581
With very specific
qualifications.
163
00:06:32,582 --> 00:06:34,316
Do you even have a license?
164
00:06:34,317 --> 00:06:36,885
Both: Yes.
You're in.
165
00:06:36,886 --> 00:06:40,172
Get them a release form.
166
00:06:40,173 --> 00:06:41,590
So what do we have to do?
167
00:06:41,591 --> 00:06:44,426
Uh, you have to show
the house to this client.
168
00:06:44,427 --> 00:06:46,494
And when you sell the house
to this client,
169
00:06:46,495 --> 00:06:48,329
you get to keep the commission,
170
00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:50,799
and it all takes place on tv.
171
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,834
Okay, so what's the catch?
172
00:06:52,835 --> 00:06:54,352
There's no catch.
173
00:06:54,353 --> 00:06:55,971
There's always a catch.
174
00:06:55,972 --> 00:06:58,106
All right, maybe a tiny catch.
175
00:06:58,107 --> 00:07:01,510
Freddy, I think I just
ran over a cat.
176
00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:05,280
Camille, I want you to meet
Vince and Bonnie.
177
00:07:05,281 --> 00:07:08,450
Vince and Bonnie,
meet the catch.
178
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:16,491
Hey, Dad.
179
00:07:16,492 --> 00:07:20,095
You know what I like most
about not wearing underwear?
180
00:07:20,096 --> 00:07:23,198
Dad, I'm with a girl.
181
00:07:23,199 --> 00:07:25,901
It's easier on the balls.
182
00:07:27,703 --> 00:07:29,738
You must be Ed.
183
00:07:29,739 --> 00:07:30,906
Dad, this is Laura.
184
00:07:30,907 --> 00:07:32,541
She wanted to come
and say hi before the movie.
185
00:07:32,542 --> 00:07:33,808
It's really nice to meet you.
186
00:07:33,809 --> 00:07:36,811
See, now I'm gonna have
to say something.
187
00:07:36,812 --> 00:07:39,397
Just be your charming old self.
188
00:07:39,398 --> 00:07:41,316
I'm gonna go upstairs
and print out the tickets.
189
00:07:41,317 --> 00:07:43,885
Put on some underwear
while you're up there.
190
00:07:43,886 --> 00:07:46,054
You're going out with a lady.
191
00:07:46,055 --> 00:07:48,657
Dad, I always wear underwear.
192
00:07:48,658 --> 00:07:49,991
Really?
You shouldn't.
193
00:07:49,992 --> 00:07:53,895
It makes ya feel like
summer down there.
194
00:07:53,896 --> 00:07:56,264
[Chuckles awkwardly]
195
00:07:56,265 --> 00:07:59,100
I've really been looking
forward to meeting you.
196
00:07:59,101 --> 00:08:00,401
Why?
197
00:08:00,402 --> 00:08:01,937
I read Henry's article
about you.
198
00:08:01,938 --> 00:08:03,371
It just made me
want to know more.
199
00:08:03,372 --> 00:08:06,007
Really?
Why?
200
00:08:06,008 --> 00:08:07,375
I don't know.
201
00:08:07,376 --> 00:08:09,778
I just thought it'd be cool
to get to know one another.
202
00:08:09,779 --> 00:08:12,214
Hmm.
203
00:08:12,215 --> 00:08:14,883
I'm gonna tell you
what I told my commander.
204
00:08:14,884 --> 00:08:16,618
When he gave me a balloon
full of drugs.
205
00:08:16,619 --> 00:08:18,820
To smuggle out of Vietnam.
206
00:08:18,821 --> 00:08:22,657
I don't think I'm gonna like
where this is going.
207
00:08:24,193 --> 00:08:26,962
Wow. That was a really
roundabout way of saying that.
208
00:08:26,963 --> 00:08:30,332
[Laughs] Um, anyway,
you were in the Navy,
209
00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,267
and I'm actually
a Navy brat myself.
210
00:08:32,268 --> 00:08:34,069
Hmm. Where was
your father stationed?
211
00:08:34,070 --> 00:08:36,004
Mother... Pensacola.
212
00:08:36,005 --> 00:08:37,239
That's where I was stationed.
213
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,374
- I know.
- How do you know?
214
00:08:39,375 --> 00:08:41,676
- It was in the article.
- No, it wasn't.
215
00:08:41,677 --> 00:08:44,145
Oh...
Lucky guess.
216
00:08:44,146 --> 00:08:47,182
What sort of medicine
did you say you practiced?
217
00:08:47,183 --> 00:08:48,383
- I didn't.
- Do you?
218
00:08:48,384 --> 00:08:51,386
- I'm a surgeon.
- My mother was a nurse.
219
00:08:51,387 --> 00:08:53,788
Really?
220
00:08:55,324 --> 00:08:57,192
You know what I used to say
about nurses.
221
00:08:57,193 --> 00:08:59,461
Nurses are like diapers.
They're only useful when...
222
00:08:59,462 --> 00:09:02,264
Someone pees their pants.
223
00:09:03,366 --> 00:09:05,900
- Where'd you hear that?
- Around.
224
00:09:05,901 --> 00:09:09,638
Interesting.
225
00:09:09,639 --> 00:09:11,906
Lemonade?
Sure.
226
00:09:13,042 --> 00:09:14,542
So when were you in Pensacola?
227
00:09:14,543 --> 00:09:16,578
'85.
I was born in '86.
228
00:09:16,579 --> 00:09:20,165
Looks like we just
missed each other.
229
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:24,119
Interesting.
What'd your father do?
230
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:28,623
My mother, then he left.
231
00:09:28,624 --> 00:09:30,425
Interesting.
232
00:09:30,426 --> 00:09:32,377
Okay.
I printed the tickets.
233
00:09:32,378 --> 00:09:33,862
It was nice to meet you, Ed.
234
00:09:33,863 --> 00:09:35,063
Laura.
235
00:09:43,689 --> 00:09:45,307
Ed, I have
the most amazing news.
236
00:09:45,308 --> 00:09:46,691
So have I.
237
00:09:46,692 --> 00:09:48,443
Vince and I are gonna be
on a reality show.
238
00:09:48,444 --> 00:09:50,912
I think I just met my daughter.
239
00:09:52,715 --> 00:09:55,550
You win.
240
00:10:02,173 --> 00:10:04,507
Okay, Vince,
this is your confessional.
241
00:10:04,508 --> 00:10:08,211
Uh, you just talk
into this camera right here.
242
00:10:08,212 --> 00:10:09,713
Anytime you're ready.
243
00:10:09,714 --> 00:10:12,215
Okay.
Confessional, huh?
244
00:10:12,216 --> 00:10:14,250
I don't know who Freddy is,
245
00:10:14,251 --> 00:10:17,787
but I ate his lunch
out of the crew fridge.
246
00:10:17,788 --> 00:10:19,556
I'm Freddy,
247
00:10:19,557 --> 00:10:23,093
and it's not
that kind of confession.
248
00:10:23,094 --> 00:10:24,828
Just talk about Camille.
249
00:10:24,829 --> 00:10:26,463
Oh, okay.
250
00:10:26,464 --> 00:10:30,066
I think I may have eaten
Camille's dessert.
251
00:10:30,067 --> 00:10:32,736
Honey, no one cares
what you had for lunch.
252
00:10:32,737 --> 00:10:36,239
Talk about selling a house
to Camille.
253
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:37,374
Right, right, right.
254
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:39,242
Well, uh, what a great
opportunity, you know?
255
00:10:39,243 --> 00:10:41,544
Bonnie was a little depressed
about not being pregnant,
256
00:10:41,545 --> 00:10:43,213
but then amazingly,
this falls in our lap,
257
00:10:43,214 --> 00:10:44,781
and, you know,
it's like I always say...
258
00:10:44,782 --> 00:10:48,218
When a door closes,
a window opens somewhere.
259
00:10:48,219 --> 00:10:51,187
Sweetie, no one cares
about your doors or windows.
260
00:10:51,188 --> 00:10:52,989
Talk about Camille.
Right.
261
00:10:52,990 --> 00:10:54,758
Well, Camille's fantastic.
262
00:10:54,759 --> 00:10:58,261
I really feel like we're gonna
be great friends after this.
263
00:10:58,262 --> 00:11:01,998
Freddy, fire whoever
ate my brownie.
264
00:11:06,137 --> 00:11:08,271
So this girl just shows up
out of the blue.
265
00:11:08,272 --> 00:11:10,006
And tells you
that she's your daughter?
266
00:11:10,007 --> 00:11:12,142
She didn't have to.
I knew.
267
00:11:12,143 --> 00:11:14,728
I felt a...
A discomfort with her.
268
00:11:14,729 --> 00:11:18,615
That a father can only feel
toward his child.
269
00:11:18,616 --> 00:11:22,285
That's not true.
You're comfortable around Vince.
270
00:11:22,286 --> 00:11:25,255
I'm not sure he's mine.
271
00:11:25,256 --> 00:11:27,090
Boy, if that were true, Ed,
272
00:11:27,091 --> 00:11:30,026
it'd be the best
Christmas present ever.
273
00:11:30,027 --> 00:11:32,328
Anyway, this girl knew
things about me.
274
00:11:32,329 --> 00:11:33,563
That she couldn't know.
275
00:11:33,564 --> 00:11:35,465
Plus, she was born in Pensacola.
276
00:11:35,466 --> 00:11:37,400
The year after
I was stationed there.
277
00:11:37,401 --> 00:11:39,753
Ed, wouldn't you know it
if you had another child?
278
00:11:39,754 --> 00:11:41,671
Bonnie, this was the '80s!
279
00:11:41,672 --> 00:11:44,507
Morning in America...
Reagan was president.
280
00:11:44,508 --> 00:11:48,395
Steve guttenberg
was a movie star.
281
00:11:48,396 --> 00:11:51,047
Condoms
hadn't been invented yet.
282
00:11:51,048 --> 00:11:52,732
I don't think that's right.
283
00:11:52,733 --> 00:11:56,820
All right, not a movie star,
but a working actor.
284
00:11:56,821 --> 00:11:58,888
Anyway, the point is
I was wild.
285
00:11:58,889 --> 00:12:02,258
I drank a lot,
had unprotected sex.
286
00:12:03,494 --> 00:12:05,495
Yuck. Go on.
287
00:12:05,496 --> 00:12:07,530
I was so stupid.
288
00:12:07,531 --> 00:12:12,335
Reckless one-night stands
with hundreds of random women.
289
00:12:12,336 --> 00:12:16,372
God, I'd do it again
in a second.
290
00:12:16,373 --> 00:12:19,209
Okay, forgot my wallet.
Laura's great, isn't she?
291
00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:22,112
You know, I really think
this could lead to something.
292
00:12:22,113 --> 00:12:23,513
Yeah...
293
00:12:23,514 --> 00:12:27,467
A kid with three eyes
who can't do math.
294
00:12:28,969 --> 00:12:31,554
Ed, he's about to go
on a date with his sister.
295
00:12:31,555 --> 00:12:32,989
Why didn't you say something?
296
00:12:32,990 --> 00:12:35,492
- What if I'm wrong?
- Well, then just ask her.
297
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:37,360
- What if I'm right?
- Because then you'll know.
298
00:12:37,361 --> 00:12:39,863
Well, I don't want
to know, okay?
299
00:12:39,864 --> 00:12:41,531
Well, maybe you should have
thought about that.
300
00:12:41,532 --> 00:12:45,335
Before you humped your way
through the Florida Panhandle.
301
00:12:46,403 --> 00:12:48,905
It was so wrong,
but it felt so right.
302
00:12:48,906 --> 00:12:50,707
Ugh.
303
00:12:50,708 --> 00:12:52,742
I can't believe
this is happening!
304
00:12:52,743 --> 00:12:54,043
All right, Ed...
305
00:12:54,044 --> 00:12:57,113
If she's your daughter,
you'll deal with it.
306
00:12:57,114 --> 00:12:58,281
I don't know.
307
00:12:58,282 --> 00:13:00,834
Being a bad father
to three kids...
308
00:13:00,835 --> 00:13:02,352
For some reason
seems a lot worse.
309
00:13:02,353 --> 00:13:05,121
Than being a bad father
to two kids.
310
00:13:05,122 --> 00:13:09,926
Ed, don't tell anyone
I told you this, but...
311
00:13:09,927 --> 00:13:12,362
You're not a bad father.
312
00:13:12,363 --> 00:13:13,763
You really think
I'm a good father?
313
00:13:13,764 --> 00:13:15,098
Well, don't... eh...
Hold on.
314
00:13:15,099 --> 00:13:19,302
Let's just keep it
at you're not a bad father.
315
00:13:19,303 --> 00:13:22,705
Look, it...
It took you a while, but...
316
00:13:22,706 --> 00:13:24,374
You show up.
317
00:13:24,375 --> 00:13:26,743
You make an effort.
318
00:13:26,744 --> 00:13:29,312
And your boys love you.
319
00:13:32,750 --> 00:13:35,185
You know what I love?
Not wearing underwear.
320
00:13:35,186 --> 00:13:38,204
Really, Ed? We can't have
a nice moment here?
321
00:13:38,205 --> 00:13:39,789
All right, all right,
all right.
322
00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:42,358
The next order of business
is to find out for sure.
323
00:13:42,359 --> 00:13:44,694
Whether this girl
is my daughter or not.
324
00:13:44,695 --> 00:13:46,329
So you're gonna call up
and ask her.
325
00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:47,797
That would be
the right thing to do.
326
00:13:47,798 --> 00:13:50,700
And what are you gonna do?
327
00:13:52,369 --> 00:13:56,706
Swab the DNA
off the lemonade glass...
328
00:13:56,707 --> 00:14:00,810
And send it to be analyzed
in the lab at my hospital.
329
00:14:00,811 --> 00:14:04,113
I can't believe
I might have a daughter.
330
00:14:04,114 --> 00:14:05,732
Well, Ed, in...
331
00:14:05,733 --> 00:14:07,717
In a way, you...
332
00:14:07,718 --> 00:14:10,653
Kind of already have one.
333
00:14:10,654 --> 00:14:14,290
Henry?
334
00:14:14,291 --> 00:14:18,428
Go easy on him.
He may be dating his sister.
335
00:14:21,031 --> 00:14:22,599
- Uh-huh.
336
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,968
And I said,
"I did not ask your husband.
337
00:14:24,969 --> 00:14:27,437
To stare at me
'Salivaciously.'"
338
00:14:27,438 --> 00:14:28,888
[chuckles] Yeah.
339
00:14:28,889 --> 00:14:32,342
It's like you must be short
for Nevada, lady,
340
00:14:32,343 --> 00:14:35,912
because all I see
is n-v.
341
00:14:35,913 --> 00:14:38,014
Nothing? No?
Empty?
342
00:14:38,015 --> 00:14:39,282
Oh, look.
343
00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:41,150
- Hi.
- Hi!
344
00:14:41,151 --> 00:14:42,151
- Hi, Camille!
- Hey, Bonnie.
345
00:14:42,152 --> 00:14:43,553
- Hi.
- Hey, Vince, hi.
346
00:14:43,554 --> 00:14:45,154
Hi.
347
00:14:45,155 --> 00:14:46,289
So you guys excited?
348
00:14:46,290 --> 00:14:47,657
I'm buying a house!
349
00:14:47,658 --> 00:14:49,225
- So excited.
- Yeah.
350
00:14:49,226 --> 00:14:52,061
It's 10,000 square feet.
We'll make do.
351
00:14:52,062 --> 00:14:55,398
The kids will share a wing.
We're survivors.
352
00:14:56,767 --> 00:14:58,401
Mm. Hey.
[Clears throat]
353
00:14:58,402 --> 00:15:00,236
- Bonnie, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
354
00:15:00,237 --> 00:15:02,205
Just when she, uh...
When she mentioned children, I...
355
00:15:02,206 --> 00:15:03,439
[Sniffles]
356
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,375
Sorry, will you excuse us
for just one moment?
357
00:15:05,376 --> 00:15:07,644
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
358
00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:10,847
- Honey, what's going on?
- I don't know. I...
359
00:15:10,848 --> 00:15:12,715
I don't want to talk about it.
360
00:15:12,716 --> 00:15:15,418
Sweetie, it's just us...
361
00:15:18,455 --> 00:15:20,857
And them.
362
00:15:20,858 --> 00:15:22,925
I...
363
00:15:22,926 --> 00:15:25,328
I just...
364
00:15:25,329 --> 00:15:26,863
I've just...
365
00:15:26,864 --> 00:15:29,299
I've been very emotional today,
and... I don't know...
366
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,766
Maybe I'm scared of success.
367
00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:33,303
Honey, you deserve
success, okay?
368
00:15:33,304 --> 00:15:34,737
You're an amazing person.
369
00:15:34,738 --> 00:15:36,739
And that's the truth,
whether or not we have kids.
370
00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:38,458
Look, Bonnie,
no matter what happens,
371
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,743
I want you to know that...
[Snaps fingers]
372
00:15:40,744 --> 00:15:42,912
Chris Tucker.
373
00:15:45,666 --> 00:15:47,850
What?
Chris Tucker.
374
00:15:47,851 --> 00:15:49,618
Chris Tucker...
That's the name of the actor.
375
00:15:49,619 --> 00:15:52,588
From those Rush Hour films...
Chris Tucker.
376
00:15:52,589 --> 00:15:54,457
Great, honey.
377
00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:57,493
T-thanks.
I-I feel so much better.
378
00:15:57,494 --> 00:15:59,262
No worries.
All right, come on, Bonnie.
379
00:15:59,263 --> 00:16:00,863
Let's get it together.
We got a house to sell.
380
00:16:00,864 --> 00:16:02,632
That's right.
This is our big break,
381
00:16:02,633 --> 00:16:04,701
and I'm not gonna screw it up!
382
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:07,670
You guys, um,
Camille is almost done.
383
00:16:07,671 --> 00:16:10,023
Rehearsing
her spontaneous moment,
384
00:16:10,024 --> 00:16:12,742
so let's get this going.
Of course.
385
00:16:12,743 --> 00:16:16,212
So, uh, Camille,
I'm gonna cue you,
386
00:16:16,213 --> 00:16:17,780
and when I do,
I want you to say.
387
00:16:17,781 --> 00:16:20,867
Something like, uh, "wow,
this is a big moment for me,
388
00:16:20,868 --> 00:16:23,152
my first house
since the divorce."
389
00:16:23,153 --> 00:16:24,287
Um...
390
00:16:24,288 --> 00:16:26,022
"I wonder if I'm ready for it.
391
00:16:26,023 --> 00:16:28,424
"You know what?
I am.
392
00:16:28,425 --> 00:16:30,843
I am ready for it,"
but in your own words,
393
00:16:30,844 --> 00:16:33,262
as long as they're
those words exactly.
394
00:16:33,263 --> 00:16:35,498
Vince, you start.
395
00:16:35,499 --> 00:16:38,351
Okay. Well, on behalf
of Goodson reality,
396
00:16:38,352 --> 00:16:41,688
serving the greater
San Diego area since late 2010,
397
00:16:41,689 --> 00:16:43,773
we stand behind this sale
with pride.
398
00:16:43,774 --> 00:16:45,575
Bonnie, anything
you'd like to add?
399
00:16:45,576 --> 00:16:47,393
Yes. Camille, if...
400
00:16:47,394 --> 00:16:49,679
Ah, excuse me.
[Coughs]
401
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,064
Camille, we really...
402
00:16:51,065 --> 00:16:53,282
Hmm.
Go on, Bonnie.
403
00:16:53,283 --> 00:16:54,400
Okay.
404
00:16:54,401 --> 00:16:56,185
Camille, working with you is...
405
00:16:56,186 --> 00:16:58,287
- Spit it out, dear.
- I will.
406
00:16:58,288 --> 00:17:00,089
Camille, I just...
Aah!
407
00:17:00,090 --> 00:17:02,725
[Vomits] Oh, God!
408
00:17:04,094 --> 00:17:07,463
Being on television
is a privilege, not a right.
409
00:17:07,464 --> 00:17:08,998
You have to earn it.
410
00:17:08,999 --> 00:17:11,134
If you're not talented,
you better be pretty.
411
00:17:11,135 --> 00:17:12,702
If you're not talented
or pretty,
412
00:17:12,703 --> 00:17:14,036
you better be rich.
413
00:17:14,037 --> 00:17:16,172
If you're not talented,
pretty, or rich,
414
00:17:16,173 --> 00:17:17,373
you better not throw up.
415
00:17:17,374 --> 00:17:19,041
On the most famous woman
in America.
416
00:17:19,042 --> 00:17:21,377
That's right.
I said it.
417
00:17:21,378 --> 00:17:23,646
Suck it, Kyle.
418
00:17:23,647 --> 00:17:25,348
So as it turns out,
419
00:17:25,349 --> 00:17:27,183
when a door closes
and a window opens,
420
00:17:27,184 --> 00:17:28,518
sometimes
that window slams shut,
421
00:17:28,519 --> 00:17:29,986
and then the first door
opens again.
422
00:17:29,987 --> 00:17:32,054
And then a baby
walks through it.
423
00:17:32,055 --> 00:17:33,489
I'm pregnant.
424
00:17:33,490 --> 00:17:36,325
The door is Bonnie's vagina.
425
00:17:36,326 --> 00:17:38,895
We're having a baby!
[Chuckles]
426
00:17:38,896 --> 00:17:41,431
We're having a baby.
427
00:17:53,644 --> 00:17:56,178
Ed, we have the most
amazing news.
428
00:17:56,179 --> 00:17:58,214
- We're pregnant!
- Yes! I knew it!
429
00:17:58,215 --> 00:18:00,983
- I know, it's great, right?
- I am not her father!
430
00:18:00,984 --> 00:18:02,869
- What's going on?
- I am not...
431
00:18:02,870 --> 00:18:04,153
- We're having a baby!
- Laura's father!
432
00:18:04,154 --> 00:18:05,405
- W-what?
433
00:18:05,406 --> 00:18:07,156
- I'm pregnant!
- I am not Laura's father!
434
00:18:07,157 --> 00:18:09,024
Laura's father?
Why would you be Laura's father?
435
00:18:09,025 --> 00:18:10,660
It doesn't matter!
I'm not!
436
00:18:10,661 --> 00:18:12,462
Um, okay.
437
00:18:12,463 --> 00:18:13,663
Better than okay.
438
00:18:13,664 --> 00:18:15,631
It's the best news
I've heard all day.
439
00:18:15,632 --> 00:18:16,899
What about our news?
440
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:19,469
- What news?
- I hate this family.
441
00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:21,838
[Doorbell rings]
442
00:18:24,141 --> 00:18:25,708
Oh, hey, Laura.
443
00:18:25,709 --> 00:18:27,844
Hey, Henry.
I need to talk to ed.
444
00:18:27,845 --> 00:18:31,314
You can't ask me for money.
I'm not your father.
445
00:18:31,315 --> 00:18:32,932
That's not why I'm here.
446
00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:34,851
Look, all that stuff
I said about Pensacola.
447
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,119
Wasn't about me.
448
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,354
What are you talking about?
Why are you here?
449
00:18:38,355 --> 00:18:40,440
Because I'm in love
with your son.
450
00:18:40,441 --> 00:18:43,292
Really?
After one date?
451
00:18:43,293 --> 00:18:46,829
No, you're not the son
I'm in love with.
452
00:18:46,830 --> 00:18:48,764
What are you saying,
that you're in love with Vince?
453
00:18:48,765 --> 00:18:51,918
Bad timing, darling.
Just got the wife pregnant.
454
00:18:51,919 --> 00:18:53,619
Oh, my gosh,
you guys are pregnant?
455
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:54,704
Congratulations!
456
00:18:54,705 --> 00:18:56,205
Thank you!
See, that's why I know.
457
00:18:56,206 --> 00:18:58,908
She's not a member
of this family... she's nice.
458
00:18:58,909 --> 00:19:01,310
If it's not Vince, not Henry,
there's no one else.
459
00:19:01,311 --> 00:19:03,379
That's not exactly true.
460
00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:06,933
You see, I have a boyfriend
who's never met his father.
461
00:19:06,934 --> 00:19:09,385
All he knows is that
his name is Ed Goodson,
462
00:19:09,386 --> 00:19:10,720
and he lives in San Diego.
463
00:19:10,721 --> 00:19:13,656
So when we moved out here,
I said he should look you up,
464
00:19:13,657 --> 00:19:16,726
but he was afraid,
so I did it for him.
465
00:19:16,727 --> 00:19:18,261
That's why I'm here.
466
00:19:18,262 --> 00:19:19,645
Why didn't you
say something before?
467
00:19:19,646 --> 00:19:21,931
Because he wanted
to tell you himself.
468
00:19:21,932 --> 00:19:23,833
What are you saying,
that I have another son?
469
00:19:23,834 --> 00:19:26,736
I don't believe you.
Where is he?
470
00:19:31,942 --> 00:19:33,609
Dad?
471
00:19:39,466 --> 00:19:41,284
Holy bleep.
472
00:19:41,285 --> 00:19:44,654
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com