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OLDER TED: Kids, I'm gonna tell you
an incredible story.
2
00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:10,744
The story of how I met your mother.
3
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,713
- Are we being punished for something?
- No.
4
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- Yeah, is this gonna take a while?
- Yes.
5
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Twenty-five years ago, before I was Dad,
I had this whole other life.
6
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It was way back in 2005.
7
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I was 27, just starting
to make it as an architect...
8
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and living in New York with Marshall,
my best friend from college.
9
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My life was good.
10
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And then Uncle Marshall
went and screwed the whole thing up.
11
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Will you marry me?
12
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Yes. Perfect.
13
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And then you're engaged,
you pop the champagne, you drink a toast,
14
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you have sex on the kitchen floor.
15
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- Don't have sex on our kitchen floor.
- Got it.
16
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Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted.
17
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Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lily.
18
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I've been there for all the big moments
of you and Lily.
19
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The night you met,
your first date, other first things.
20
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Yeah, sorry, we thought you were asleep.
21
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It's physics, Marshall.
22
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If the bottom bunk moves,
the top bunk moves, too.
23
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My God, you're getting engaged tonight.
24
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Yeah. What are you doing tonight?
25
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What was I doing? Here, Uncle Marshall...
26
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was taking the biggest step of his life.
And me?
27
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I'm calling up your Uncle Barney.
28
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Hey, so you know how
I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls?
29
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Well, now I've got a new favorite.
Lebanese girls.
30
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Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians.
31
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Hey, you wanna do something tonight?
32
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Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes.
And suit up!
33
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- Hey.
- Where's your suit?
34
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Just once, when I say 'suit up,'
I wish you'd put on a suit.
35
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- I did. That one time.
- It was a blazer.
36
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You know, ever since college
it's been Marshall and Lily and me.
37
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Now it's gonna be
Marshall and Lily and me.
38
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They'll get married, start a family.
39
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Before long,
I'm that weird middle-aged bachelor...
40
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their kids call 'Uncle Ted.'
41
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I see what this is about.
42
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Have you forgotten what I said to you
the night we met?
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Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live.
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- Barney. We met at the urinal.
- Oh, right. Hi.
45
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Lesson one, lose the goatee.
It doesn't go with your suit.
46
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- I'm not wearing a suit.
- Lesson two, get a suit.
47
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Suits are cool. Exhibit A.
48
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Lesson three,
49
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don't even think about getting married
till you're 30.
50
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Thirty. Right, you're right.
51
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I guess it's just, your best friend
gets engaged,
52
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- you start thinking about that stuff.
- I thought I was your best friend.
53
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Ted, say I'm your best friend.
54
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- You're my best friend, Barney.
- Good.
55
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Then as your best friend, I suggest we play
a little game I like to call,
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'Have you met Ted?'
57
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No, no, no, no, we're not playing
'Have you met Ted.'
58
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Hi, have you met Ted?
59
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- Hi, I'm Ted.
- Yasmin.
60
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- It's a very pretty name.
- Thanks. It's Lebanese.
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Hey.
62
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(GROANS)
63
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I'm exhausted.
64
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It was finger-painting day at school
and a 5-year-old boy...
65
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:16,555
got to second base with me.
66
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:21,097
- Wow, you're cooking?
- Yes, I am.
67
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Are you sure that's a good idea
after last time.
68
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You looked really creepy without eyebrows.
69
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I can handle this.
70
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I think you'll find
I'm full of surprises tonight.
71
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So there's more surprises? Like what?
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Marshall was in his second year
of law school,
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so he was pretty good
at thinking on his feet.
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Boogedy boo! And that's all of them.
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I'm gonna go cook.
76
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I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am.
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I just couldn't imagine settling down
right now.
78
00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:54,601
- So do you think you'll ever get married?
- Well, maybe eventually.
79
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Some fall day. Possibly in Central Park.
80
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Simple ceremony.
We'll write our own vows.
81
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Band, no DJ.
82
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People will dance,
I'm not gonna worry about it.
83
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Damn it, why did Marshall
have to get engaged?
84
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:12,018
Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning
out his own imaginary wedding, huh?
85
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:15,788
- Actually, I think it's cute.
- Well, you're clearly drunk.
86
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One more for the lady!
87
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Oh, hey, look what I got.
88
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Oh, honey, champagne.
89
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Yeah.
90
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No, you are too old to be scared
to open a bottle of champagne.
91
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I'm not scared.
92
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- Then open it.
- Fine.
93
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Please, open it.
94
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,049
Gosh, you are unbelievable, Marshall.
95
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There are two big questions
a man has to ask in life.
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00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:48,555
One you plan out for months,
the other just slips out...
97
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when you're half-drunk at some bar.
98
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Will you marry me?
99
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You wanna go out sometime?
100
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,027
Of course, you idiot!
101
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,865
I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend.
102
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What's up, Carl?
103
00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:10,582
I promised Ted we wouldn't do that.
104
00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:13,846
Did you know there's a Pop-Tart
under your fridge?
105
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No, but dibs.
106
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Where's that champagne?
107
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I wanna drink a toast with my fiancée.
108
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I don't know why I was so scared of this.
109
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It's pretty easy, right?
110
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(LILY SCREAMING)
111
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Why am I freaking out all of a sudden?
This is crazy.
112
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I'm not ready to settle down.
113
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How does Carl land a Lebanese girl?
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The plan's always been...
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don't even think about it until you're 30.
116
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Exactly. The guy doesn't even own a suit.
117
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Plus, Marshall's found the love of his life.
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Even if I was ready, which I'm not,
119
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but if I was, it's like,
'Okay, I'm ready. Where is she?'
120
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And there she was.
121
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It was like something from an old movie...
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where the sailor sees the girl
across the crowded dance floor,
123
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turns to his buddy and says,
124
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'See that girl?
I'm gonna marry her someday.'
125
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Hey, Barney, see that girl?
126
00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:22,015
Oh, yeah. You just know she likes it dirty.
127
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- Go say hi.
- I can't just go say hi.
128
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I need a plan.
129
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I'm gonna wait
until she goes to the bathroom,
130
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then I'll strategically place myself
by the jukebox so that...
131
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Hi, have you met Ted?
132
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Hi.
133
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Let me guess. Ted.
134
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I'm sorry, Lily.
135
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I'm so sorry. Take us to the hospital.
136
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you hit her?
137
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Hit me? Please.
138
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,746
This guy can barely even spank me
in bed for fun.
139
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He's all, like, 'Oh, honey, did that hurt?'
140
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And I'm, like,
'Come on, let me have you, you pansy.'
141
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- Wow, a complete stranger.
- No, no, no, it's okay. Go on.
142
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,059
So, these spankings,
143
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:09,185
are you in pajamas or au natural?
144
00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:13,266
- So what do you do?
- I'm a reporter for Metro News 1.
145
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,835
- Oh.
- Well, kind of a reporter.
146
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,404
I do those dumb little fluff pieces
at the end of the news.
147
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You know, like,
'Monkey who can play the ukulele.'
148
00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:24,911
But I'm hoping to get some
bigger stories soon.
149
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Bigger, like,
'Gorilla with an upright bass?'
150
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Sorry. You're really pretty.
151
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,855
- Oh, your friends don't seem too happy.
- Yeah.
152
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See, the one in the middle
just got dumped by her boyfriend.
153
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So tonight, every guy is 'the enemy.'
154
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You know,
if it'll make your friend feel better...
155
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you could throw a drink in my face.
I don't mind.
156
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She would love that.
And it does look fun in the movies.
157
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Hey, you wanna have dinner with me
Saturday night?
158
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:54,340
Oh, I can't.
I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday.
159
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,076
Some guy's attempting
to make the world's biggest pancake.
160
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- Guess who's covering it?
- That's gonna take a week?
161
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Yeah, he's gonna eat it, too.
It's another record.
162
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Hey, what's taking so long?
163
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I know this is a long shot,
but how about tomorrow night?
164
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Yeah. What the hell.
165
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Jerk!
166
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,532
That was fun.
167
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,901
De... Wait for it... nied.
168
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Denied.
169
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:27,974
We're going out tomorrow night.
170
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,576
I thought we were playing
Lazer Tag tomorrow night.
171
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:34,246
Yeah, I was never gonna go play Lazer Tag.
172
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The next night, I took her out
to this little bistro in Brooklyn.
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Wow.
174
00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:44,624
- That is one bad-ass blue French horn.
- Yeah.
175
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,955
Sort of looks like a Smurf penis.
176
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:49,829
Son, a piece of advice.
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00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:53,833
When you go on a first date,
you really don't want to say Smurf penis.
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Girls don't ordinarily like that.
179
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But this was no ordinary girl.
180
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,610
Lily.
181
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,015
How long have you been sitting there?
182
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,208
Stupid eye patch.
183
00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:17,885
Mom, Dad,
I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby.
184
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:20,193
Marshall, how have I always described
my perfect woman?
185
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,928
Let's see.
186
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,029
She likes dogs?
187
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,497
I've got five dogs.
188
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:25,631
She drinks Scotch?
189
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,668
I love a Scotch
that's old enough to order its own Scotch.
190
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,603
Can quote obscure lines from
Ghostbusters?
191
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:35,803
'Ray, when someone asks you
if you're a God, you say, 'Yes!''
192
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:38,177
And I'm saving the best for last.
193
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:40,513
Do you want these? I hate olives.
194
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:44,608
- She hates olives. Awesome!
- The Olive Theory.
195
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:47,453
The Olive Theory
is based on my friends, Marshall and Lily.
196
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:49,555
He hates olives, she loves them.
And in a weird way,
197
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,357
that's what makes them
such a great couple.
198
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:53,457
Perfect balance.
199
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:59,406
You know, I've had a jar of olives
just sitting in my fridge forever.
200
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,237
I could take them off your hands.
201
00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:04,237
They're all yours.
202
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,038
Oh, it is on!
203
00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:08,858
It is on till the break of dawn.
204
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:15,014
But, wait, it's only the break of 10:30.
What happened?
205
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:18,050
I gotta get one of those blue French horns
for over my fireplace.
206
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:19,886
It's gotta be blue, it's gotta be French.
207
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,320
- No green clarinet?
- Nope.
208
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:22,822
Come on, no purple tuba?
209
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:25,472
It's a Smurf penis or no dice.
210
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,460
There you are!
211
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,596
We got a jumper.
Some crazy guy on the Manhattan Bridge.
212
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:33,076
Come on, you're covering it.
213
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:36,302
All right, I'll be right there.
214
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:38,402
I'm sorry.
215
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:41,294
I had a really great time tonight.
216
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,742
Yeah, well.
217
00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:44,842
So, did you kiss her?
218
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,146
No, the moment wasn't right.
219
00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:49,282
Look, this woman
could actually be my future wife.
220
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,150
I want our first kiss to be amazing.
221
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:53,844
Oh, Ted, that is so sweet.
222
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:57,523
So, you chickened out like a little bitch.
223
00:10:58,024 --> 00:11:00,059
What? I did not chicken out.
224
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,261
You know what?
I don't need to take first kiss advice...
225
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:05,798
from some pirate who hasn't been single
since the first week of college.
226
00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:08,401
Ted, anyone who's single
would tell you the same thing.
227
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,070
Even the dumbest single person alive.
228
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:14,400
And if you don't believe me, call him.
229
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:20,313
Hey, loser, how's not playing Lazer Tag?
Because playing Lazer Tag is awesome.
230
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,615
Oh, I killed you, Connor.
Don't make me get your mom.
231
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:24,717
Hey, listen,
I need your opinion on something.
232
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:28,821
Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes.
And suit up!
233
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:32,258
So, these guys think I chickened out.
What do you think?
234
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:36,438
I can't believe you're still not wearing a suit.
235
00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:38,564
She didn't even give me the signal.
236
00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:41,767
What, is she gonna
bat her eyes at you in Morse code?
237
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,867
'Ted,
238
00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:45,204
'kiss me.'
239
00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:50,234
- No, you just kiss her.
- Not if you don't get the signal.
240
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:54,580
- Did Marshall give me the signal?
- No!
241
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,680
I didn't, I swear.
242
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,853
But, see, at least tonight,
I get to sleep knowing Marshall and me,
243
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:03,689
never gonna happen.
You should've kissed her.
244
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:05,324
I should've kissed her.
245
00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:07,393
Well, maybe in a week
when she gets back from Orlando.
246
00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:09,862
A week? That's like a year in hot-girl time.
247
00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:10,997
She'll forget all about you.
248
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:14,934
Mark my words,
you will never see that one again.
249
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:16,769
There she is.
250
00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:19,759
She's cute. Hey, Carl, turn it up.
251
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,374
...persuaded him to reconsider.
252
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,776
At which point
the man came down off the ledge,
253
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:26,846
giving this bizarre story a happy ending.
254
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,114
Reporting from Metro 1 News,
255
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:30,716
- back to you, Bill.
- The guy didn't jump.
256
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,551
I'm gonna go kiss her.
257
00:12:32,651 --> 00:12:34,820
- Right now.
- Look, dude, it's midnight.
258
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,858
As your future lawyer,
I'm gonna advise you that's freaking crazy.
259
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,259
I never do anything crazy.
260
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:42,995
I'm always waiting for the moment,
planning the moment.
261
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,164
Well, she's leaving tomorrow
and this may be the only moment
262
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,465
I'm gonna get.
263
00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:50,603
I gotta do what that guy couldn't.
I gotta take the leap.
264
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:51,904
Okay, not a perfect metaphor...
265
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:53,539
'cause for me
it's fall in love and get married...
266
00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:55,639
and for him it's death.
267
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,445
Actually, that is a perfect metaphor.
268
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:02,860
By the way, did I congratulate you two?
269
00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:05,415
- I'm doing this.
- Let's go.
270
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:08,441
- Word up.
- We're coming with you.
271
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,454
Barney?
272
00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:13,798
All right, but under one condition.
273
00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:17,196
Look at you, you beautiful bastard,
you suited up.
274
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:20,101
This is totally going in my blog.
275
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:23,574
Stop the car. Pull over right here.
276
00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:26,203
I gotta do something.
277
00:13:26,438 --> 00:13:28,908
Excuse me. Pardon me, just a sec.
278
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:30,943
- Enjoy your coffee.
- Hey!
279
00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:32,278
Hey!
280
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:34,378
Go, go, go!
281
00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:39,041
Everybody brings flowers.
282
00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:47,691
Okay, moment of truth.
283
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:53,099
- Wish me luck.
- Ted's gonna get it on with a TV reporter.
284
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,292
'This just in.' Okay.
285
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:02,041
- Kiss her, Ted. Kiss her good.
- Kiss the crap out of that girl.
286
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:04,243
Marshall, remember this night.
287
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,912
When you're the best man at our wedding
and you give a speech,
288
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:09,477
you're gonna tell this story.
289
00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:12,418
Why does he get to be the best man?
290
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,518
I'm your best friend!
291
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:18,991
As I waIked up to that door,
a million thoughts raced through my mind.
292
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:21,494
Unfortunately,
one particular thought did not.
293
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,594
I've got five dogs.
294
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,264
(DOGS BARKING)
295
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,133
Not good, not good.
296
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,400
- No!
- Get back in there.
297
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:30,500
You're wearing a suit!
298
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:36,139
ROBIN: Ted?
299
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,208
Hi.
300
00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:41,778
I was just...
301
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,551
Come on up.
302
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,054
MARSHALL: He's in.
303
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:55,795
So, Ranjit, you must have done it
with a Lebanese girl?
304
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,164
Okay, that's my Barney limit.
305
00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:01,267
I'm gonna see
if that bodega has a bathroom.
306
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:04,302
Actually, I'm from Bangladesh.
307
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:08,823
- The women hot there?
- Here's a picture of my wife.
308
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:13,712
(WHISPERING) A simple 'no'
would have sufficed.
309
00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:15,812
She's lovely.
310
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:22,655
So, Ted, what brings you back to Brooklyn
at 1:00 in the morning in a suit?
311
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,755
I was just hoping to...
312
00:15:25,357 --> 00:15:27,026
get those olives...
313
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,195
that you said I could have.
314
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:32,364
Would you like those olives
with some gin and vermouth?
315
00:15:32,464 --> 00:15:35,099
Are you trying to get me drunk?
316
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:40,837
For starters.
317
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,106
(MUSIC PLAYING)
318
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,276
Thank you.
319
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,116
So, Marshall,
this Olive Theory based on you and Lily.
320
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:52,918
- Yeah.
- You hate olives.
321
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:56,222
- Lily loves them, you can't stand them.
- Yeah, I hate olives.
322
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:58,524
Two weeks ago,
Spanish bar on 79th Street.
323
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,854
Dish of olives. You had some. What up?
324
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,633
You have to swear
that this does not leave this cab.
325
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,758
- I swear.
- I swear.
326
00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:14,506
On our first date, I ordered a Greek salad.
327
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:16,709
Lily asked if she could have my olives.
328
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,211
I said, 'Sure, I hate olives.'
329
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,980
But you like olives.
330
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,649
Well, I was 18, okay? I was a virgin.
331
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:27,887
Been waiting my whole life
for a pretty girl to want my olives.
332
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:31,023
Marshall, I'm gonna give you
an early wedding present.
333
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:33,123
Don't get married.
334
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,205
I think I like your Olive Theory.
335
00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:47,339
I think I like your new French horn.
336
00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,564
I think I like your nose.
337
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,478
I think I'm in love with you.
338
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:53,579
What?
339
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:54,647
What?
340
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:55,848
What?
341
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,017
Come on, man, you said your stomach's
been hurting, right?
342
00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:01,887
You know what that is? Hunger.
You're hungry for experience.
343
00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:05,889
Hungry for something new.
Hungry for olives.
344
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:08,827
But you're too scared
to do anything about it.
345
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:10,952
Yeah, I'm scared, okay?
346
00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:15,868
But when I think of spending
the rest of my life with Lily,
347
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,943
committing forever, no other women,
348
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,645
doesn't scare me at all.
349
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,207
I'm marrying that girl.
350
00:17:25,677 --> 00:17:27,513
Lily.
351
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,613
Lily, I like olives.
352
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,382
We'll make it work.
353
00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:36,319
(SIGHING)
354
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:47,529
So, Orlando? You gonna hit Disney World?
355
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,460
- You love me?
- Oh, God.
356
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:53,639
I can't believe I said that.
Why did I say that?
357
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,739
Who says that?
358
00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:58,239
- I should just go.
- Hold on.
359
00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:00,477
Wait a minute.
360
00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:03,716
I promised you these.
361
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:04,817
- Olives.
- Yeah.
362
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,719
Thanks. I love you.
363
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,819
What is wrong with me?
364
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,392
Why are we still sitting here? Let's go.
We can still make last call.
365
00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:17,997
What do you say, Lil?
'Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum'?
366
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:23,745
- 'Cause you're a pirate?
- Okay, eye patch gone.
367
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:25,904
And we can't just abandon Ted.
368
00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:29,008
If it doesn't go well up there,
he's gonna need some support.
369
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:32,044
It's been, like, 20 minutes.
Do you think they're doing it?
370
00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:33,679
You think they're doing it
in front of the dogs?
371
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,547
Doggie style.
372
00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:37,750
I knew this girl in college,
she had this Golden Retriever...
373
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,952
Okay, we can go to the bar.
Just stop taIking.
374
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,052
Hit it, Ranjit.
375
00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:48,861
So, when you tell this story to your friends,
376
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,096
could you avoid the word 'psycho'?
377
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:53,391
I'd prefer 'eccentric.'
378
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,299
Goodnight, psycho.
379
00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:02,174
Great.
380
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:05,249
- How do I get to the F train?
- Oh.
381
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:09,575
- Two blocks, that way and take a right.
- Thanks.
382
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,650
You know what?
383
00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:17,856
I'm done being single. I'm not good at it.
384
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:20,592
Look, obviously,
you can't tell a woman you just met...
385
00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:24,458
you love her, but it sucks that you can't.
386
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,833
I'll tell you something, though. If a woman,
387
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,769
not you, just some hypothetical woman,
388
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:33,539
were to bear with me through all this,
389
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:37,076
I think I'd make a damn good husband
because that's the stuff I'd be good at.
390
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:41,681
Stuff like making her laugh
and being a good father...
391
00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:45,362
and waIking her five hypothetical dogs.
392
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,118
Being a good kisser.
393
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:53,459
- Everyone thinks they're a good kisser.
- Oh, I've got references.
394
00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:55,559
Goodnight, Ted.
395
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:06,470
- And I'm a good handshaker.
- That's a pretty great handshake.
396
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:13,858
And that was it.
I'll probably never see her again.
397
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,683
- What?
- That was the signal.
398
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:21,687
That long, lingering handshake.
You should've kissed her.
399
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:24,289
There's no such thing as the signal.
400
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:26,692
But, yeah, that was the signal.
401
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,792
Signal.
402
00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:33,486
Carl, thank you.
There's something I gotta do.
403
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:36,568
By the way, you should've kissed her.
404
00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:39,133
Carl, you guys weren't there.
405
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,952
I am so turned on right now.
406
00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:46,645
Guys, trust me. I've seen the signal.
407
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:51,183
- That was not the signal.
- Yeah, Ted, we're not on you anymore.
408
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:54,616
- To my fiancée.
- To the future.
409
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,720
To one hell of a night.
410
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,132
That was not the signal.
411
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:07,366
I asked her about it years later,
and, yeah, that was the signal.
412
00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:08,867
I could've kissed her.
413
00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:12,804
But that's the funny thing about destiny,
it happens whether you plan it or not.
414
00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:14,940
I mean, I never thought
I'd see that girl again.
415
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,175
But it turns out,
416
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:19,411
I was just too close to the puzzle
to see the picture that was forming.
417
00:21:19,511 --> 00:21:21,980
Because that, kids, is the true story...
418
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,545
of how I met your Aunt Robin.
419
00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:26,852
Aunt Robin?
420
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,720
I thought this was how you met Mom.
421
00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:31,290
Will you relax? I'm getting to it.
422
00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:34,689
Like I said, it's a long story.