1
00:00:02,139 --> 00:00:05,082
Hey, do me a favor
and take table seven.
2
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:07,375
You mean the one
with my 118-pound
3
00:00:07,376 --> 00:00:08,979
rock-hard stud of a fiancé
4
00:00:08,980 --> 00:00:12,292
who's prone to canker
sores and pinkeye?
5
00:00:12,293 --> 00:00:15,199
Nah, I prefer to look at it as
the one with my ex-boyfriend
6
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,875
and his gorgeous, successful
and sophisticated girlfriend,
7
00:00:17,876 --> 00:00:19,848
who makes me feel like
a toothless Okie.
8
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:24,496
Do you want me to spill
hot soup on her?
9
00:00:25,466 --> 00:00:27,605
Oh, please-- you're not
that kind of person.
10
00:00:27,606 --> 00:00:28,741
I know.
11
00:00:28,742 --> 00:00:30,981
But if she orders
something low-fat
12
00:00:30,982 --> 00:00:33,856
I'll totally give her
the full-fat version.
13
00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:37,199
Uh, that's my water.
14
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,302
What?
15
00:00:38,303 --> 00:00:39,573
My water.
You're drinking it.
16
00:00:39,574 --> 00:00:42,080
D-Dear Lord!
17
00:00:42,081 --> 00:00:44,119
Have you been drinking it?
18
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,891
Yes. It's my water.
19
00:00:45,892 --> 00:00:47,396
Well, that's it then.
20
00:00:47,397 --> 00:00:50,235
I'm dead.
21
00:00:50,236 --> 00:00:51,974
Here we go...
22
00:00:51,975 --> 00:00:54,682
I'm sorry, do I really need
to connect the dots for you?
23
00:00:54,683 --> 00:00:56,318
The backwash into this glass
24
00:00:56,319 --> 00:00:58,892
is every pathogen that calls
your mouth home, sweet home.
25
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:02,367
Not to mention the visitors who
arrive on the dancing tongue
26
00:01:02,368 --> 00:01:04,273
of your subtropical girlfriend.
27
00:01:05,310 --> 00:01:07,013
Hey! That's my sister
28
00:01:07,014 --> 00:01:08,585
and my country
you're talking about.
29
00:01:08,586 --> 00:01:10,288
Leonard may have
defiled one,
30
00:01:10,289 --> 00:01:12,562
but I won't have you
talking smack about the other.
31
00:01:13,598 --> 00:01:15,301
You guys ready to order?
32
00:01:15,302 --> 00:01:17,541
Yes, I'd like a seven-day
course of penicillin,
33
00:01:17,542 --> 00:01:21,984
some, uh, syrup of ipecac--
to induce vomiting-- and a mint.
34
00:01:21,985 --> 00:01:24,056
I don't understand.
35
00:01:24,057 --> 00:01:25,527
He drank from
Leonard's glass.
36
00:01:25,528 --> 00:01:26,930
"He drank from
Leonard's glass"--
37
00:01:26,931 --> 00:01:29,368
the words they'll be
carving into my tombstone.
38
00:01:30,171 --> 00:01:32,443
That's actually my napkin.
39
00:01:32,444 --> 00:01:33,446
Oh, this is a nightmare!
40
00:01:33,447 --> 00:01:36,318
Where are you going?
To the bar,
41
00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,724
to sterilize my mouth
with alcohol.
42
00:01:38,725 --> 00:01:41,363
Gang way! Dead man walking!
43
00:01:42,433 --> 00:01:45,707
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
44
00:01:45,708 --> 00:01:49,047
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
45
00:01:49,048 --> 00:01:50,682
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
46
00:01:50,683 --> 00:01:53,250
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
47
00:01:53,251 --> 00:01:55,887
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
48
00:01:55,888 --> 00:01:58,557
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
49
00:01:58,558 --> 00:02:00,560
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
50
00:02:00,561 --> 00:02:01,623
♪ Bang! ♪
51
00:02:01,648 --> 00:02:05,148
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x23 ♪
The Engagement Reaction
Original Air Date on May 12, 2011
52
00:02:05,149 --> 00:02:08,288
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
53
00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:10,404
All right. Here you go.
54
00:02:10,405 --> 00:02:11,905
Two lemonades,
55
00:02:11,906 --> 00:02:13,706
one iced tea
56
00:02:13,707 --> 00:02:16,074
and a root beer for Priya.
57
00:02:16,075 --> 00:02:20,210
- Is it diet?
- That's what you ordered.
58
00:02:20,211 --> 00:02:23,046
Thank you.
59
00:02:23,047 --> 00:02:24,114
Hey, have you and Howard
60
00:02:24,115 --> 00:02:25,515
started planning
your wedding yet?
61
00:02:25,516 --> 00:02:27,783
Yeah. We're thinking
of having it on a cliff
62
00:02:27,784 --> 00:02:29,184
overlooking the ocean.
63
00:02:29,185 --> 00:02:31,753
Nothing soothes
those pre-wedding jitters
64
00:02:31,754 --> 00:02:35,089
like the thought
of falling and drowning.
65
00:02:35,090 --> 00:02:36,591
What did your mother say
66
00:02:36,592 --> 00:02:37,992
when you told her you were
getting married?
67
00:02:37,993 --> 00:02:39,360
He hasn't told her yet.
68
00:02:39,361 --> 00:02:40,661
He's waiting for
the right time.
69
00:02:40,662 --> 00:02:44,431
I was thinking of weaving
it into her eulogy.
70
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:47,434
Howard, you've got
to tell your mother.
71
00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:48,634
Hey, have you told your parents
you're dating
72
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:50,636
this short glass
of skim milk here?
73
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,639
Uh... that's different.
74
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:56,672
First of all,
we're not engaged;
75
00:02:56,673 --> 00:02:58,440
and second,
Indian parents
76
00:02:58,441 --> 00:03:00,207
are very protective
of their children.
77
00:03:00,208 --> 00:03:02,240
Right, right,
whereas Jewish mothers
78
00:03:02,241 --> 00:03:05,809
take a casual, la-di-da
approach to their sons.
79
00:03:08,213 --> 00:03:11,482
I gargled with tequila and may
have swallowed a teeny bit.
80
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:12,649
- You all right?
- Fine.
81
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,150
Thank you for asking.
82
00:03:14,151 --> 00:03:16,184
I love you so much.
83
00:03:19,153 --> 00:03:21,287
Fire demon.
84
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,922
Ooh, fire demon.
85
00:03:23,923 --> 00:03:26,757
Sheldon's turning up the heat...
86
00:03:28,593 --> 00:03:29,859
Troll master.
87
00:03:29,860 --> 00:03:31,293
Check it! Howard pulls one out
88
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,695
from under the bridge. Nice!
89
00:03:35,398 --> 00:03:36,600
Water nymph.
90
00:03:36,601 --> 00:03:38,001
Oh, yeah, she's got puddles
91
00:03:38,002 --> 00:03:40,003
in all the right places.
92
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,004
Could you please
play the game
93
00:03:42,005 --> 00:03:43,539
without commenting
on every card?
94
00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:45,775
Sorry.
95
00:03:45,776 --> 00:03:48,109
Walking tree.
96
00:03:51,712 --> 00:03:53,379
Last one.
97
00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:56,115
I'm taking a stroll
and I'm sporting wood.
98
00:03:58,685 --> 00:04:00,219
(phone chimes)
99
00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:03,721
Okay, the Eagle has landed.
100
00:04:03,722 --> 00:04:05,189
What's going on?
101
00:04:05,190 --> 00:04:06,389
Bernadette
and my mother are having
102
00:04:06,390 --> 00:04:08,591
a get-to-know-you lunch
at the Old Town Deli.
103
00:04:08,592 --> 00:04:09,926
Oh, that sounds lovely.
104
00:04:09,927 --> 00:04:10,960
Hope so.
105
00:04:10,961 --> 00:04:12,294
Of course, if history
is any indication,
106
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:13,295
my mother will swallow her whole
107
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:16,298
and spit out her bones
like an owl.
108
00:04:17,166 --> 00:04:19,266
Have you met
Bernadette's parents?
109
00:04:19,267 --> 00:04:21,301
You mean Adolf and Eva?
110
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:23,970
Not yet.
111
00:04:23,971 --> 00:04:26,906
One goose step at a time.
112
00:04:26,907 --> 00:04:28,908
Sheldon,
that's my water.
113
00:04:28,909 --> 00:04:30,276
Oh, dear Lord!
114
00:04:33,913 --> 00:04:35,647
That's not your water.
115
00:04:36,649 --> 00:04:38,482
I know.
116
00:04:40,185 --> 00:04:42,086
SHELDON:
Where's the mouthwash?!
117
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:45,422
"Where" indeed.
118
00:04:47,558 --> 00:04:50,693
WOLOWITZ:
Ma, I'm home!
119
00:04:50,694 --> 00:04:52,094
Where are you?
120
00:04:52,095 --> 00:04:55,530
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
I'm in the toilet!
121
00:04:55,531 --> 00:04:57,632
So, how'd it go?!
122
00:04:57,633 --> 00:04:58,966
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Too soon to say!
123
00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:01,335
I'm not done yet!
124
00:05:03,271 --> 00:05:05,939
No, I mean lunch, today,
with Bernadette!
125
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:07,807
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Oh!
126
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,242
I had a pastrami
sandwich.
127
00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:11,443
She had eggplant lasagna.
128
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:14,912
Like that's what a person
orders in a Jewish deli.
129
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,481
Besides food, did you get along?
Did you talk?
130
00:05:19,482 --> 00:05:23,117
Oh, sure! Did you know
she's going to school
131
00:05:23,118 --> 00:05:25,586
to become a
microbiologist?!
132
00:05:26,588 --> 00:05:28,989
No, she never mentioned it.
133
00:05:30,292 --> 00:05:34,227
I bet she did and
you didn't listen!
134
00:05:35,295 --> 00:05:37,498
Yeah, that's probably it.
So, what do you think?
135
00:05:37,499 --> 00:05:39,766
Do you like her?
She's great, huh?
136
00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:41,168
She's a lovely girl!
137
00:05:41,169 --> 00:05:42,870
Cute as a button!
138
00:05:42,871 --> 00:05:47,174
That's good to hear,
'cause I've got some news.
139
00:05:47,175 --> 00:05:48,741
I hope it's
good news,
140
00:05:48,742 --> 00:05:52,043
because I've got nothing but
disappointment in here!
141
00:06:00,581 --> 00:06:03,415
Bernadette and I
are getting married.
142
00:06:08,421 --> 00:06:10,722
Ma?
143
00:06:10,723 --> 00:06:13,459
You too busy bearing down?
144
00:06:15,429 --> 00:06:17,596
Ma?
145
00:06:17,597 --> 00:06:18,597
(loud thud)
146
00:06:18,598 --> 00:06:21,499
Oh, my God, Ma? Ma? Ma?
147
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,568
Stand back,
I'm gonna break the door down!
148
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:33,743
Son of a bitch!
Ma, help!
149
00:06:37,247 --> 00:06:38,280
Hey.
150
00:06:38,281 --> 00:06:39,614
Hello.
151
00:06:39,615 --> 00:06:40,882
Haven't
seen you in a while.
152
00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:42,216
How's it going?
153
00:06:42,217 --> 00:06:45,685
Oh, other than waiting out
the exponential growth period
154
00:06:45,686 --> 00:06:47,554
of the virulent organisms
155
00:06:47,555 --> 00:06:49,222
trooping through
my microvilli
156
00:06:49,223 --> 00:06:53,492
into my circulatory system--
hunky-dory.
157
00:06:53,493 --> 00:06:55,861
(giggles)
158
00:06:58,697 --> 00:07:00,030
Did I say something
amusing?
159
00:07:00,031 --> 00:07:03,733
I don't know, maybe,
I have no idea what you said.
160
00:07:03,734 --> 00:07:07,169
So your mirth is merely
a discharge of nervous energy
161
00:07:07,170 --> 00:07:09,604
with no semantic content at all?
162
00:07:09,605 --> 00:07:12,608
My mirth. Classic.
163
00:07:12,609 --> 00:07:15,143
Is there a station
coming up
164
00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:18,613
where I can board your
giggling train of thought?
165
00:07:18,614 --> 00:07:20,781
It's not a big deal, Sheldon.
166
00:07:20,782 --> 00:07:22,549
It's just,
ever since Leonard's been
167
00:07:22,550 --> 00:07:25,018
dating Raj's sister,
I've had to keep my distance.
168
00:07:25,019 --> 00:07:27,920
I don't get to hear
all your jibber-jabber.
169
00:07:27,921 --> 00:07:29,288
Jibber-jabber?!
170
00:07:29,289 --> 00:07:30,923
I don't jibber-jabber.
171
00:07:30,924 --> 00:07:32,891
What are you doing
at work these days?
172
00:07:32,892 --> 00:07:36,094
Oh, I'm working on
time-dependent backgrounds
173
00:07:36,095 --> 00:07:37,495
in string theory,
174
00:07:37,496 --> 00:07:39,029
specifically quantum
field theory
175
00:07:39,030 --> 00:07:41,331
in "d-dimensional"
de Sitter space.
176
00:07:42,733 --> 00:07:45,668
Okay, come on, even you have
to admit that's jibber-jabber.
177
00:07:47,505 --> 00:07:49,105
Interesting, do you know
178
00:07:49,106 --> 00:07:51,274
where the phrase
"jibber-jabber" comes from?
179
00:07:51,275 --> 00:07:53,743
Oh, my God,
you're about to jibber-jabber
180
00:07:53,744 --> 00:07:55,711
about jibber-jabber.
181
00:07:59,148 --> 00:08:01,016
Howard and his mother
are at the hospital.
182
00:08:01,017 --> 00:08:02,818
- Come on, we gotta go.
- Oh, my God! What happened?
183
00:08:02,819 --> 00:08:04,019
I don't know, I just got a text.
Come on, hurry.
184
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:05,854
Okay.
185
00:08:08,858 --> 00:08:10,726
Sheldon, let's go!
186
00:08:10,727 --> 00:08:12,794
To a hospital?!
187
00:08:12,795 --> 00:08:14,329
Full of sick people?!
188
00:08:15,598 --> 00:08:17,600
Oh, I don't think so.
189
00:08:17,601 --> 00:08:20,603
Okay, well, your friend and his
mother are there, we're going.
190
00:08:20,604 --> 00:08:22,438
I can't.
191
00:08:22,439 --> 00:08:24,773
Oh, don't tell me you're
afraid of germs.
192
00:08:24,774 --> 00:08:28,076
Not all germs.
193
00:08:28,077 --> 00:08:30,478
Just the ones that will kill me.
194
00:08:30,479 --> 00:08:33,081
It's the same way I'm not
afraid of all steak knives--
195
00:08:33,082 --> 00:08:35,983
just the ones that might be
plunged in my thorax.
196
00:08:35,984 --> 00:08:38,619
Fine, I'll tell Howard
you didn't come
197
00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:39,653
because you're more concerned
198
00:08:39,654 --> 00:08:41,021
about your own well-being
than his.
199
00:08:41,022 --> 00:08:43,857
I would think
he would know that.
200
00:08:45,527 --> 00:08:47,327
Okay, you know what?
You are unbelievable.
201
00:08:47,328 --> 00:08:48,996
You buy all these
superhero T-shirts,
202
00:08:48,997 --> 00:08:50,330
but when it's time for you
203
00:08:50,331 --> 00:08:51,798
to step up
and do the right thing,
204
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,700
you just hide
in the laundry room.
205
00:08:55,136 --> 00:08:56,537
Fine, I'll go.
206
00:08:57,706 --> 00:09:00,807
Just for the record,
my Aunt Ruth died in a hospital.
207
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:03,076
She went in to
visit my Uncle Roger,
208
00:09:03,077 --> 00:09:05,579
caught something and bit
the dust a week later.
209
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:07,881
The two of them
now share a coffee can
210
00:09:07,882 --> 00:09:09,381
on my mother's mantel.
211
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,889
So I knocked down
the bathroom door,
212
00:09:17,943 --> 00:09:19,377
picked up my poor
unconscious mother,
213
00:09:19,378 --> 00:09:20,511
carried her to the car,
214
00:09:20,512 --> 00:09:23,514
and drove like a madman
to the emergency room.
215
00:09:23,515 --> 00:09:25,115
You're a real
hero, Howard.
216
00:09:25,116 --> 00:09:27,384
No, I did what
any son would do.
217
00:09:27,385 --> 00:09:31,021
Hang on a second--
you picked up your mother?
218
00:09:32,156 --> 00:09:35,790
Her own legs
are barely able to do that.
219
00:09:37,025 --> 00:09:39,025
I was filled
with adrenaline.
220
00:09:39,026 --> 00:09:41,795
It happens to be how women
lift cars off babies.
221
00:09:41,796 --> 00:09:44,730
Yeah, I'm saying,
it'd be easier to lift a car.
222
00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:48,934
What can I tell you?
After I found the courage
223
00:09:48,935 --> 00:09:51,670
to put her pants back on,
I was unstoppable.
224
00:09:53,206 --> 00:09:54,640
So, how is she?
225
00:09:54,641 --> 00:09:56,608
They're running tests--
I don't know.
226
00:09:56,609 --> 00:10:00,311
It may have been a heart attack
or heart-attack-like event.
227
00:10:00,312 --> 00:10:01,379
What's the difference?
228
00:10:01,380 --> 00:10:03,113
A heart-attack-like event
229
00:10:03,114 --> 00:10:06,049
is an event
that's like a heart attack.
230
00:10:06,050 --> 00:10:09,052
Thanks for clearing that up.
231
00:10:09,053 --> 00:10:11,921
Regardless, coronary problems
are eminently treatable.
232
00:10:11,922 --> 00:10:14,190
What's more likely going
to kill Howard's mother
233
00:10:14,191 --> 00:10:15,458
are the
antibiotic-resistant
234
00:10:15,459 --> 00:10:17,459
super-bugs festering
in every nook and cranny
235
00:10:17,460 --> 00:10:18,994
of this hospital.
236
00:10:20,229 --> 00:10:21,663
Okay, you're not helping.
237
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:24,164
Disagree.
238
00:10:25,099 --> 00:10:27,534
Go sit over there.
239
00:10:27,535 --> 00:10:29,736
I'll sit over there--
it looks cleaner.
240
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,341
Is there a history of
heart disease in your family?
241
00:10:35,342 --> 00:10:39,440
My family is the history
of heart disease.
242
00:10:39,441 --> 00:10:40,739
There's a cave painting
in France
243
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:42,941
of one of my ancestors
doing this:
244
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:48,913
So it's probably genetic.
245
00:10:48,914 --> 00:10:50,581
Well, maybe.
246
00:10:50,582 --> 00:10:53,616
Mom also had just gotten some
news that might have upset her.
247
00:10:53,617 --> 00:10:54,984
What?
248
00:10:54,985 --> 00:10:56,419
It's not important.
249
00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:58,354
Come on, Howard,
I'm going to be your wife.
250
00:10:58,355 --> 00:11:00,088
You can share
anything with me.
251
00:11:00,089 --> 00:11:03,124
You'd think that.
But no.
252
00:11:06,995 --> 00:11:09,296
You told her we were
going to get married
253
00:11:09,297 --> 00:11:10,897
and she had
a heart attack?
254
00:11:10,898 --> 00:11:14,600
You can't take
that personally.
255
00:11:14,601 --> 00:11:16,568
How else is she supposed
to take it?
256
00:11:16,569 --> 00:11:17,803
What you've got to
257
00:11:17,804 --> 00:11:21,439
keep in mind is that
ever since my dad left,
258
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,241
I've been the whole world
to my mother.
259
00:11:24,242 --> 00:11:26,443
I mean, she'd be
threatened by any woman
260
00:11:26,444 --> 00:11:29,379
who can give me
what she can't.
261
00:11:29,380 --> 00:11:32,215
You mean sexual
intercourse?
262
00:11:35,108 --> 00:11:39,077
Well, when you say it like
that you make it sound creepy.
263
00:11:39,078 --> 00:11:40,278
What happened?
264
00:11:40,279 --> 00:11:41,513
Howard's mother had
a heart attack
265
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,134
because I have
sex with him
266
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:44,869
and she can't.
267
00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:51,387
Bernie, wait!
268
00:11:51,388 --> 00:11:55,990
I'll give you $1,000
if you'll drive me home.
269
00:11:57,159 --> 00:11:59,293
Nice of you to
come for Howard.
270
00:11:59,294 --> 00:12:02,162
Well, he's my friend.
It's what you do.
271
00:12:02,163 --> 00:12:04,496
(giggles)
272
00:12:04,497 --> 00:12:07,132
I'm sorry, did
I miss something?
273
00:12:07,133 --> 00:12:09,066
It's just so weird.
274
00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:11,034
Howard Wolowitz
is my friend.
275
00:12:11,035 --> 00:12:13,636
You know, once he tried to
stick his tongue down my throat
276
00:12:13,637 --> 00:12:14,937
and I broke his nose.
277
00:12:14,938 --> 00:12:17,506
That's a little easier
to believe
278
00:12:17,507 --> 00:12:18,673
than he's your friend.
279
00:12:18,674 --> 00:12:20,675
Yeah, tell me about it.
280
00:12:20,676 --> 00:12:23,711
You know, my brother had a group
of friends like this in India.
281
00:12:23,712 --> 00:12:26,179
They dressed up in leotards and
goggles and called themselves
282
00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,114
the New Delhi
Power Rangers.
283
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:31,217
You mean when
he was little.
284
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,985
Not as little as
you'd want him to be.
285
00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:37,888
You know,
this stuff is horrible.
286
00:12:37,889 --> 00:12:39,789
You want to see if we
can find the cafeteria
287
00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:41,190
and get real coffee?
Sure.
288
00:12:41,191 --> 00:12:42,625
We're going to the cafeteria
to get some coffee.
289
00:12:42,626 --> 00:12:43,825
You want anything?
290
00:12:43,826 --> 00:12:45,693
I'm fine.
291
00:12:45,694 --> 00:12:48,162
That's nice that
they're getting along.
292
00:12:48,163 --> 00:12:50,663
Your girlfriend and your
ex-girlfriend are hanging out together?
293
00:12:50,664 --> 00:12:54,033
Oh, yeah, that can
only be good for you.
294
00:12:57,106 --> 00:12:58,438
What are you talking about?
295
00:12:58,439 --> 00:12:59,873
One of them
broke up with you.
296
00:12:59,874 --> 00:13:02,376
Do you really want her
telling the other one why?
297
00:13:02,377 --> 00:13:04,378
I don't care.
298
00:13:04,379 --> 00:13:06,380
I don't have
anything to hide.
299
00:13:06,381 --> 00:13:07,514
Good, good.
300
00:13:07,515 --> 00:13:10,483
Then you have nothing
to worry about.
301
00:13:10,484 --> 00:13:13,285
No, I do not.
302
00:13:16,155 --> 00:13:18,257
You are a mean little man.
303
00:13:18,258 --> 00:13:19,791
(chuckles)
304
00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:21,659
You'd think it'd be because
my parents didn't love me,
305
00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:23,828
but actually they
loved me a great deal.
306
00:13:25,363 --> 00:13:27,396
Bernie, it's not you.
307
00:13:27,397 --> 00:13:29,764
She's just set
in her ways.
308
00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:32,066
How can we be together
if the thought of us
309
00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:33,868
getting married
might kill your mother?
310
00:13:33,869 --> 00:13:37,873
It's the circle
of life, sweetie.
311
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:43,677
One day our son will marry
someone and it will kill you.
312
00:13:45,647 --> 00:13:47,614
Howard, I have to go
to the bathroom
313
00:13:47,615 --> 00:13:49,048
and no one
will take me home.
314
00:13:49,049 --> 00:13:50,882
What's wrong with
the bathroom here?
315
00:13:50,883 --> 00:13:54,284
Pneumococcus, streptococcus,
staphylococcus
316
00:13:54,285 --> 00:13:56,586
and other assorted
coccuses.
317
00:13:56,587 --> 00:13:59,488
Sheldon, my mother is
on her deathbed
318
00:13:59,489 --> 00:14:01,557
and my fiancée is grief-stricken
over putting her there.
319
00:14:01,558 --> 00:14:03,192
I'm not taking you home.
320
00:14:03,193 --> 00:14:04,893
Will you at least
321
00:14:04,894 --> 00:14:06,260
go with me to the restroom here,
322
00:14:06,261 --> 00:14:08,396
so you can open the door
and flush the urinal?
323
00:14:08,397 --> 00:14:10,297
No!
324
00:14:10,298 --> 00:14:12,499
This might be a good time
to point out, Howard,
325
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,968
that friendship requires
a certain give and take.
326
00:14:16,536 --> 00:14:17,803
Hold the door.
327
00:14:23,743 --> 00:14:25,710
Mr. Wolowitz?
328
00:14:25,711 --> 00:14:28,546
- Is she okay?
- It wasn't a heart attack.
329
00:14:28,547 --> 00:14:30,781
She's awake, she's
resting comfortably--
330
00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:31,981
we're still
running tests.
331
00:14:31,982 --> 00:14:32,982
Can I see her?
332
00:14:32,983 --> 00:14:35,352
Actually, she said,
and I quote,
333
00:14:35,353 --> 00:14:37,656
she'd "like to see the
little Catholic girl first."
334
00:14:39,829 --> 00:14:42,397
Me? Why me?
335
00:14:42,398 --> 00:14:43,865
Jews have been asking
that for centuries.
336
00:14:43,881 --> 00:14:46,149
There's no real good answer.
337
00:14:48,269 --> 00:14:51,071
Okay, well,
wish me luck.
338
00:14:51,072 --> 00:14:52,572
Don't worry,
you'll be fine.
339
00:14:52,573 --> 00:14:54,273
Let's just hide Mr. Cross.
340
00:14:54,274 --> 00:14:57,209
If it touches her, it burns.
341
00:15:00,513 --> 00:15:02,480
You brought a Catholic girl
home to your mother?
342
00:15:02,505 --> 00:15:03,705
Yeah.
343
00:15:03,973 --> 00:15:08,042
Why don't I write you a
prescription for Xanax.
344
00:15:11,956 --> 00:15:13,256
Finally.
345
00:15:14,091 --> 00:15:16,826
(coughs)
346
00:15:23,199 --> 00:15:24,766
(monitors beeping)
347
00:15:27,102 --> 00:15:30,036
Oh, what fresh hell is this?
348
00:15:30,037 --> 00:15:32,772
Wait, you can't leave here,
you've been exposed.
349
00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:37,343
No, I haven't.
350
00:15:37,344 --> 00:15:40,212
It's all good.
351
00:15:41,814 --> 00:15:44,782
You want to talk
about crazy mothers,
352
00:15:44,783 --> 00:15:47,485
Leonard's mom wouldn't give him
any sort of approval growing up.
353
00:15:47,486 --> 00:15:48,919
Oh, the poor thing.
354
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,188
It makes him desperate
to please women.
355
00:15:51,189 --> 00:15:53,391
That's why the foreplay
goes on and on.
356
00:15:53,392 --> 00:15:55,693
It does, doesn't it?
357
00:15:55,694 --> 00:15:58,229
It's like he's
trying to win a prize.
358
00:15:58,230 --> 00:15:59,830
A word of advice--
don't doze off.
359
00:15:59,831 --> 00:16:02,267
You will never hear
the end of it.
360
00:16:02,268 --> 00:16:04,102
(muffled):
Help me!
361
00:16:04,103 --> 00:16:05,836
Come back!
362
00:16:05,837 --> 00:16:07,202
Penny!
363
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:11,467
There are a couple of
things I did with Penny
364
00:16:11,468 --> 00:16:12,834
that might be a
little silly, but...
365
00:16:12,835 --> 00:16:14,102
Like what?
366
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:17,738
Every once in a while,
before we'd go to bed,
367
00:16:17,739 --> 00:16:20,674
I'd put on a little show
for her.
368
00:16:22,343 --> 00:16:24,444
What do you mean
"a show"?
369
00:16:24,445 --> 00:16:29,482
Well, you know,
the way I took my clothes off.
370
00:16:29,483 --> 00:16:31,783
Like, to music?
371
00:16:31,784 --> 00:16:36,654
I'd look pretty stupid
if there was no music.
372
00:16:36,655 --> 00:16:39,023
So you'd do
a striptease?
373
00:16:39,024 --> 00:16:42,826
I wasn't swinging
around a pole.
374
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:45,128
Good, good.
375
00:16:46,597 --> 00:16:50,600
There was one time
I put body glitter on.
376
00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:53,269
Well, I don't think
you have to worry
377
00:16:53,270 --> 00:16:54,836
about Penny telling
my sister that.
378
00:16:54,837 --> 00:16:56,004
No, she wouldn't.
379
00:16:56,005 --> 00:16:59,373
Your big problem
is me telling her.
380
00:17:00,942 --> 00:17:03,510
You really are
a mean little man.
381
00:17:04,712 --> 00:17:07,346
Oh, God, that's so true.
382
00:17:07,347 --> 00:17:08,681
I know, right?
383
00:17:08,682 --> 00:17:11,083
Hey, what took
you guys so long?
384
00:17:11,084 --> 00:17:12,551
Oh, we were
just chatting.
385
00:17:12,552 --> 00:17:14,152
That's nice.
What about?
386
00:17:14,153 --> 00:17:15,553
We were just
comparing notes
387
00:17:15,554 --> 00:17:17,722
about how you are
in the sack.
388
00:17:17,723 --> 00:17:19,090
(laughing)
389
00:17:19,091 --> 00:17:20,024
(laughing)
390
00:17:20,025 --> 00:17:22,959
That's funny.
Yeah.
391
00:17:24,128 --> 00:17:26,029
What if she
wasn't kidding?
392
00:17:26,030 --> 00:17:27,830
It doesn't matter.
393
00:17:27,831 --> 00:17:29,666
I'm the king of foreplay.
394
00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:34,970
Hey, how'd it go?
395
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,271
You're a putz.
396
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,240
You know what that means?
397
00:17:38,241 --> 00:17:41,743
Yeah. Do you?
398
00:17:41,744 --> 00:17:43,911
Your mother just
taught it to me.
399
00:17:43,912 --> 00:17:46,179
She thinks she got food
poisoning from that deli
400
00:17:46,180 --> 00:17:48,649
and she just wanted
to make sure I was okay.
401
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,283
And are you?
402
00:17:50,284 --> 00:17:53,720
No, because I'm
engaged to a putz.
403
00:17:55,656 --> 00:17:58,857
You let me believe I was the
reason she had a heart attack.
404
00:17:58,858 --> 00:18:00,192
Well, based on the
available evid--
405
00:18:00,193 --> 00:18:02,227
Shut up!
406
00:18:02,228 --> 00:18:03,594
She said I'm
a wonderful girl
407
00:18:03,595 --> 00:18:05,163
and that you're
lucky to have me.
408
00:18:05,164 --> 00:18:06,564
Where are you going?
409
00:18:06,565 --> 00:18:07,998
(like Mrs. Wolowitz):
To the toilet!
410
00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:09,399
Is that okay with you?!
411
00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:20,432
Is it just me, or does she
sound sexy when she's angry?
412
00:18:27,492 --> 00:18:29,826
Mountain Elf.
413
00:18:33,404 --> 00:18:36,139
He takes the elf
from off the shelf.
414
00:18:37,174 --> 00:18:39,742
Hell Hounds.
415
00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:42,812
Hell Hounds-- who let
the Satanic dogs out?
416
00:18:42,813 --> 00:18:45,313
Who? Who-who?
417
00:18:46,816 --> 00:18:48,416
Colossal Serpent.
418
00:18:48,417 --> 00:18:51,752
I got a colossal
serpent right here.
419
00:18:53,922 --> 00:18:55,189
Must you?
420
00:18:55,190 --> 00:18:57,658
Sorry, I'm just trying
to cheer my buddy up.
421
00:18:58,926 --> 00:19:00,727
Rotting Zombie.
422
00:19:00,728 --> 00:19:03,729
Sheldon's new
Facebook photo.
423
00:19:07,733 --> 00:19:10,570
Zandor, Wizard of the North.
424
00:19:10,571 --> 00:19:12,305
Ha! I win.
425
00:19:12,306 --> 00:19:13,506
If you skip the part about being
426
00:19:13,507 --> 00:19:14,574
under a two-week quarantine
because you were exposed
427
00:19:14,575 --> 00:19:16,776
to a deadly disease--
absolutely.
428
00:19:16,777 --> 00:19:20,777
== sync, corrected by elderman ==