VHS EDITION
- Doctor... - What?
Doctor!
- What is it, Jo? - Look!
Hey!
- Where's it gone? - Up there.
There's no way through. Are you sure?
The whole deckhead swings open.
It's solid steel. It must weigh tons and tons.
- Held by two tiny wingnuts. - Tiny?
Relatively. You saw the size of that hand.
There's deck above here.
- That's what it looks like. - We've been there.
This is no ordinary ship, Jo.
- Where are you going? - To find the Tardis.
And that means finding a way off this ship.
Accepted.
One accepts.
Kalik, do you accept?
The record was incomplete.
It gave no account of that machine.
- Machines are harmless. - Can we be sure?
We've found the Lurmans data disks in order.
What more can we do?
Examine their machine.
Orum?
One agrees with Kalik. It is advisable.
Very well.
- Vorg, they're coming over. - Good. I've found the trouble.
There you are. A bit of bric-a-brac lodged inside circuit three.
I'll put it back. Might spoil the illusion.
Never let the customer see too much.
We give magic talk disks back.
All very good.
You tell him tall, fellow.
We talk like him pretty good, by and by.
Your worship...
My partner and I are equipped with translating diodes that allow us
complete understanding of your illustrious language.
Very well.
Prepare to receive the orders of the tribunal.
Our humble ears await, your worships, like statues.
The tribunal requires to know the function of your machine.
Machine?
Your worship, the Scope is not a machine.
What is it if not a machine?
It is a unique artistic achievement.
The supreme creative invention of the age!
It is my proud privilege to have the honor...
of presenting its wonders to your noble planet.
You'll be amazed to dis...
Is it a machine within the meaning of the world?
But machine is such a poultry description.
Prevaricating! What is its function?
What does it do?
- Answer the question. - Must answer.
Answer!
- I loved Chu Chin Chow. - Chu Chin ChowI
- The whole thing's rubbish. - It wasn't. How can you say that?
I've sailed into Shanghai 50 times, my girl.
I know what Johnny Chinaman's like.
You've seen so much of the world.
It makes me seem so...so unsophisticated.
I suppose we're due for the monster bit.
... these bright young things...
Yes, very probably.
I wouldn't want you to think I'm silly.
From your data discs, it appears you travel from planet to planet
performing some ritual with this machine. For what purpose?
We are entertainers.
Entertainers? Explain the term.
We put on a show. You understand?
No.
Our purpose is simply to amuse. Nothing serious. Nothing political.
Amusement is prohibited. It's purposeless.
Zarb may lift that restriction.
Violence amongst the Functionaries may be caused by lack of amusement.
- Anti-productive legislation. - Where will it end?
Ultimately the Functionaries will take over.
Take over?
It is not the Functionaries who dream of power, Kalik.
One simply speaks one's thoughts.
They are as clear as your ambitions.
- How dare...? - Please!
We must decide whether to grant these Lurmans an entrance visa.
Since their presence here is subversive, one moves to reject.
- Opposed. - Supported.
Oh, very well.
Your application for a visa has been rejected.
You will be allotted space on the next cargo thruster.
But we spent our last credit-bar on the journey here!
That was unwise.
Please, I have a document here micrographed by the Great Zarb.
If you will just consider it.
President Zarb?
Wasn't the Great Zarb that Vallarian wrestler we met at the exhibition?
Shut up!
You've got a nerve, Vorg, passing that off.
In what way does this machine amuse?
Your worship, allow me to demonstrate.
If you will watch the glo-sphere.
- What is this? - These creatures are Tellurians.
A species discovered in a distant galaxy.
Scientists have been amazed at the similarity
between these chaps and our own dominant life form.
The resemblance is unpleasant.
These are the only Tellurians in captivity.
Scientists think they refute Waldek's theory
that life is infinitely variable.
A less amusing form of life is the Ogron.
They are of limited intelligence
and are used as servants by a race called Daleks, I believe.
We will shortly be seeing the prize of my collection.
- The Drashigs. - Drashigs?
They are, without doubt, the most evil, the most vicious,
and undoubtedly the most frightening form of life
- in the whole of the universe. - Oh, look. There's one.
Amazing.
The Drashigs have no intelligence centre,
so I cannot control their behaviour.
But these pictures - they are recorded, surely?
No, your worship.
The Scope is good old-fashioned live entertainment.
The picture is an actual projection of what is taking place deep inside.
You mean all these creatures are living in there?
Within their own miniaturized environments.
I'll switch back to circuit three.
- Aaagh! - Great heavens!
Just like goldfish in a bowl, aren't they? Round and round forever.
Isn't there anything we can do?
No. Not while we're inside this thing.
We've got to get out of here. Come on.
What a head, eh? By Gad, I'd love to have that on the club wall!
Hello!
Oh, hello. Topping day, what?
- Absolutely splendid. - Yes. 99 skidoo.
Well...
- Must press on. Pip pip, old chap. - Just minute. Are you passengers?
You've asked us that before. Don't you remember?
Have I? I'm sorry to be uncivil and all that.
See, Jo. No memory traces at all.
What's that? You'll think I'm an awful idiot, but do you know...
- You've forgotten our names. - What?
But I never knew them. I've never seen you in all my life before.
By simply adjusting the aggrometer,
the peaceful Tellurians can be made to behave in an amusingly violent way. Watch.
Hey, Vorg.
I'd swear I'd never seen those two before.
- What? - Those Tellurians. Have you seen them before?
- They all look so much alike. - They're new, strangers!
I want the truth!
We're trying to tell the truth.
- You're stowaways! - We're not stowways!
- Right! - What are you doing, John?
I'm going to thrash this fellow.
There's one explanation: they must be breeding.
Rubbish! Those Tellurians are fully grown, anyone can see that!
Nobody knows how Tellurians reproduce.
They may be kept in a inky basement until they are fully grown.
Look.
What rite are they performing now?
The two in the center are about to engage in physical conflict.
- Sticking to that stupid story? - I'm afraid so.
I ought to warn you I used to box for my school.
And I ought to warn you that I took lessons from John L. Sullivan.
By Jiminy, the old fellow's got pluck!
- Queensberry Rules? - Naturally.
- John! - Good afternoon.
Cover the aft companionway. Quick!
Stop or I'll fire!
- How many times round is a mile? - Who's counting?
Let's try that door.
Now we've got them. Patel!
This way.
- How does it work? - Hold it flat along the edge.
That's the idea.
All right. On your feet.
- We've had enough of your nonsense. - Right, bosun.
- Doctor. - No. You can't!
I can't leave it for long or the specimens damage each other.
Ah, dinner. Splendid. Coming?
Who the devil are those two?
I hope there's something decent. I'm rather peckish.
And here.
That should do it.
Yes.
Looks like some sort of shaft.
Good. Down we go.
Just look at this filter circuit, Jo.
What a beautiful piece of work.
Now, then, this must be the output...
and the input is through there. Let's look.
- Yes, it is. - What is it?
What is it?
My dear girl, this is a perfect example of an early pulse mechanism
based on the principal of caesium decay.
This is absolutely vintage stuff.
This can't be the ship's engine room.
Of course it isn't. We're not in the ship.
- Where's the Tardis? - No idea.
Probably outside this machine.
Just look at this, Jo.
What a magnificent auxiliary capillary pump.
Have you ever seen anything like it?
I've never been small enough to get inside one of these things before.
It's fascinating. It's like walking around inside a wristwatch.
It's wonderful. It really is magnificent.
Can't we just find the way out?
We could try following this circuit. It'll probably run for miles.
Out of the way.
Not authentic. A forgery.
A forgery? But, your worship, I had no idea.
We travelled all the way from Demos
believing that we would be welcome on your noble planet.
- That is your misfortune. - Pletrac.
This machine, this Scope, contains many alien creatures.
The Lurman has imported them without a licence.
- What?! - If I've done something wrong, I...
The Interstellar Ecology Commission
forbids the transfer of specimens between planets.
- The creatures will be destroyed. - Destroyed?
- The machine too. - But our livelihood depends on it!
- We're just strolling players. - Destroyed.
Send the eradicator detachment to section two.
Barbarians!
Dim-witted yokels, you said they were.
Twist them round your finger, you said. Eating out of your hand.
A fine mess we're in now, aren't we?
- You're not blaming me? - I didn't want to come here.
I could be with the All Star Dance Company.
Ha! That third-rate bunch of hoofers.
At least I always had a few credit-bars,
and we never travelled by cargo thruster.
Eradicator detachment, follow me.
What's that?
- This is murder! Assassination! - Stand aside, you two.
I am not without influence, I shall complain.
Prepare to erad...
Wait.
Commence eradication.
- What's happening, Doctor? - I don't know. Hold on, Jo.
It's like an earthquake.
- It's getting hotter and hotter. - Keep moving.
Bravo.
The machine must be armored.
We have lost face, Pletrac. Our technology has proved deficient.
The eradicator was designed only for use against organic molecules.
And the creatures in there?
Organic. The eradicator will have destroyed them.
That is the objective. Destruction of the machine is unimportant.
Built, eh? None of your modern rubbish. Ooh!
- Is it damaged? It might be. - We'll check the circuits.
Oh, yeah...
Sunspots!
- What? - Yes.
Causes intense local heat.
Like a magnifying glass, don't you know.
- Really? - Yes.
Or refractions in the atmosphere.
Logic explanation, uh?
Thanks heavens it's getting cooler!
I thought I was going to die!
- Have a drink, my dear. - No, thanks, Daddy.
Claire and I want to take a turn around the deck, Sir.
- You care to join us, sir? - No, you two run along.
I'm going to do a spot of reading.
Determined to finish this before we reach Bombay.
- Come on, Jo, get up. - Not yet. I'm only half cooked.
Come on.
Get yourself up. Give us your hand.
Come on, up.
- Here, mop yourself with this. - Thanks.
What happened?
It just got a bit hot, didn't it?
Hey, it was them. They did it on purpose.
- Who? - The giants, of course.
- Why? We've done them no harm. - What other reason?
One problem at a time.
Our problem is to find our way out.
This looks quite promising. Let's try it.
Promising, huh?
That's marvelous!
Who's going to pay to see a blob in a snowstorm?
All that heat must have affected the video circuits.
Still, the specimens are all right. It only needs a readjustment.
Destroyed, Orum? All eradicated?
The machine must have a defensive barrier.
But we have no defences, Orum.
Zarb and his council of fools have betrayed us!
Dangerous talk, even for the President's brother.
It must be said. Zarb disbanded the army, and now our only defence...
..is that!
We have demonstrated its inefficiency to those Lurman spies.
One is told a new model is being developed.
Do you think the Lurman battle fleets will wait?
- They'll be picking landing sites. - You're an alarmist.
We have defence pacts with all the neighbouring planets.
Don't talk to me about brotherhood.
We have survived because of our strength.
- And now... - We shall perish!
Because of our weakness.
Do you really think the Lurman is a spy sent to test our defences?
Isn't it clear?
Look.
Perhaps a transmitter.
Come on now, quick as you can.
That's it.
Doctor, I think we're going round in circles.
I'm sure we've been this way before.
No, no.
All these shafts look alike.
Hey.
I was right. Your handkerchief. I must have dropped it.
Yes, you are right. We must have been this way before.
Well, that's it. We're lost.
Of course we're not lost, Jo. What makes you think that?
Do you know what that is?
It's a bearing housing for one of the ventilator shafts.
Oh, good. That makes me feel so much better.
- I thought it might. - That means we're almost home.
It means there should be an air duct around.
Silly question, but why are we looking for an air duct?
Well, where's air ducted from, Jo?
- Outside! - Right first time.
Sorry. I thought we weren't getting anywhere.
Yes, I know.
We're inside the blueprint instead of looking at it.
What was...?
You know, Shirna, I'm not given to imagination,
but I thought I saw two Tellurians in the works.
Slowly, Vorg.
- What are you doing? - Where is the transmitter?
- Transmitter? - You've been sending signals.
- Signals? - Stop wasting time!
- I have no transmitter. - What were you doing?
Just minor repairs - silly little minor repairs.
We had a fault in the video circuits.
Nothing of consequence.
Orum.
If there is a transmitter in there, Vorg, you're dead.
What is a transmitter, Shirna?
- For sending messages, you idiot. - We haven't got one, have we?
You said you had a master's degree in radionics.
I never did understand these electrical...
Would you please keep that further away? It's very frightening.
No. One can't see anything, Kalik.
If there is a transmitter, it'll be disguised.
No, there's nothing in there. Only this.
- What is it? - Bric-a-brac, your worship.
Causing interference. Better put it back in the Scope.
What is it? Let's have the truth this time!
I don't know. I swear I don't know!
- Some Lurman secret weapon, perhaps. - It's some kind of container.
- It was causing interference! - Bric-a-brac!
Why does it change its size?
You took it outside the Scope's compression field.
Things regain their normal size.
Silence! It is an alien artefact. How did it get in there?
Vorg, the Tellurians!
Earlier on in circuit three, I saw two new Tellurians. I told Vorg.
- My assistant is imaginative... - Quiet!
- Is this possible, Orum? - What?
For Tellurian invaders to penetrate the Scope in containers like that!
It wouldn't be possible with our technology.
Tellurian science may be more advanced.
If they get into the machine, they can also get out of it.
- What are you thinking? - They are not from our galaxy.
We don't know what diseases they may have.
Is there an exit from that machine?
Quite impossible, your worship.
Each group of specimens is in its own individual chamber.
The Scope is escape-proof.
It's almost through.
Free.
- Ladies first? - No, not this time, Jo.
We don't know what's behind this door.
- The Tardis, I hope. - So do I.
- Looks like some sort of cave. - Yes. Come on.
Well, not quite what I expected, Jo.
Hang on a minute, will you?
- Can you see anything? - No. It's just the same.
It's a bit scary, isn't it?
- What are all those bubbles? - Some sort of marsh gas.
Probably highly inflammable.
We'd better take a look around.
There's nothing to look at.
- I will not accept this... - If handled with care...
- It's clearly laid down... - It's safe.
Just a minute! What is that?
Oh, another fault has developed.
It's in circuit five this time.
Oh, some insignificant electrical matter. Switch on the circuit.
There you are, you see? It's working perfectly. Nothing wrong there.
- The fault is still signalling. - What creatures are here?
The Drashigs.
My little carnivores. They're great favourites with the children.
Gnashing and snapping and tearing at each other.
Vorg, look!
The Tellurians! They've broken into the circuit!
Get them out.
- They're already as good as dead. - Why?
Once the Drashigs get their scent, they'll have no chance.
Fascinating.
Something's wrong, Jo.
Let's go back, Doctor. I don't like it here.
No. Neither do I.
They'll never make it.
What's that?
I don't know.
It didn't sound very friendly.
Look!