1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.tvsubtitles.net 2 00:00:34,447 --> 00:00:36,722 - (Door slams ) - (Ted) Don't even talk to me! 3 00:00:36,767 --> 00:00:38,758 (Dougal) I'm so sorry, Ted. 4 00:00:38,807 --> 00:00:42,561 (Ted) You're judging a baby competition, don't get them agitated! 5 00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:45,167 This happens every time and I'm sick of it! 6 00:00:45,207 --> 00:00:47,846 I was just playing with them, Ted. 7 00:00:53,807 --> 00:00:57,356 Playing? You were jumping up and down, running around 8 00:00:57,407 --> 00:01:00,205 and getting completely overexcited. 9 00:01:01,247 --> 00:01:04,557 That's why you got sick on me! 10 00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:06,962 I thought the standard was rubbish. 11 00:01:07,007 --> 00:01:11,842 A lot of sloppy babies who looked as though they couldn't be bothered. 12 00:01:11,887 --> 00:01:14,879 And the hairiness of some of those babies. 13 00:01:14,927 --> 00:01:17,566 It was a very hairy baby parade. 14 00:01:17,607 --> 00:01:22,044 If people can't even shave their babies before they come out... 15 00:01:22,087 --> 00:01:25,079 Normally you wouldn't have to shave a baby...! 16 00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:34,597 What the hell? 17 00:01:34,647 --> 00:01:39,198 Mrs Doyle, did you put a brick in the middle of the floor? 18 00:01:39,247 --> 00:01:42,762 - I did. - Well...why? 19 00:01:42,807 --> 00:01:45,958 I thought it would be handy for your paperclips. 20 00:01:46,007 --> 00:01:48,885 You can put them in that hollow there. 21 00:01:48,927 --> 00:01:51,361 Yes, but why on the floor? 22 00:01:51,407 --> 00:01:54,558 I got the idea from a magazine. 23 00:01:58,407 --> 00:02:02,036 That may be fine for Will Self or one of those fellas 24 00:02:02,087 --> 00:02:04,840 but I prefer the more traditional aspect 25 00:02:04,887 --> 00:02:07,117 of not putting bricks in the... 26 00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:08,680 (Screams ) 27 00:02:14,327 --> 00:02:17,046 Mrs Doyle looks very different today. 28 00:02:17,087 --> 00:02:19,123 Was it definitely Mrs Doyle? 29 00:02:40,847 --> 00:02:42,838 (knock at door) 30 00:02:49,207 --> 00:02:52,643 I'm sorry, I was looking for Mrs Doyle. 31 00:02:52,687 --> 00:02:56,043 It is Mrs Doyle! 32 00:02:56,087 --> 00:02:59,363 What? I thought you were Marilyn Monroe. 33 00:02:59,407 --> 00:03:02,319 (Screeching laugh) 34 00:03:02,367 --> 00:03:04,005 Now... 35 00:03:04,047 --> 00:03:06,925 a couple of nice pints for you. 36 00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:09,606 Oh, great. We're a bit low, actually. 37 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,205 (Milkman chuckles ) 38 00:03:15,447 --> 00:03:18,200 There's plenty more where that came from. 39 00:03:18,247 --> 00:03:20,363 (Screeching laugh) 40 00:03:20,407 --> 00:03:25,083 I shouldn't be here at all, the police are after me. 41 00:03:25,127 --> 00:03:26,560 They're not! 42 00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,485 I'm so gorgeous they want to arrest me! 43 00:03:29,527 --> 00:03:31,483 (Screeching laugh) 44 00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:37,521 Actually, I'm a bit sad at the moment, Mrs Doyle. 45 00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:41,845 - I have to go to a funeral. - Oh, no, really? 46 00:03:41,887 --> 00:03:43,923 Yes. My last girlfriend. 47 00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:46,401 She died from exhaustion. 48 00:03:48,247 --> 00:03:50,203 (Very screeching laugh) 49 00:03:53,047 --> 00:03:55,845 - Hello. - Oh... 50 00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,764 Hello, Father. 51 00:03:57,807 --> 00:04:01,117 This is Pat Mustard, the new milkman. 52 00:04:02,207 --> 00:04:05,438 - Oh? - Yeah, just here on the south side, 53 00:04:05,487 --> 00:04:07,603 spreading meself around a bit. 54 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:11,242 Mrs Doyle, you need to dust Father Jack's room. 55 00:04:11,287 --> 00:04:14,279 And a cobweb in the shed needs removing. 56 00:04:14,327 --> 00:04:16,238 Righto so, Father. 57 00:04:20,167 --> 00:04:22,601 I'll be on my way, padre. 58 00:04:23,967 --> 00:04:25,958 Off on my rounds. 59 00:04:32,167 --> 00:04:35,762 Right, Ted. Looks like an ordinary blackboard, doesn't it? 60 00:04:36,647 --> 00:04:38,046 Yes. 61 00:04:38,087 --> 00:04:40,726 That's what I thought - but watch this! 62 00:04:43,287 --> 00:04:46,279 You see? You can rub off the letters. 63 00:04:48,047 --> 00:04:51,323 Well...you can do that with every blackboard. 64 00:04:52,127 --> 00:04:53,924 What? 65 00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:01,606 This is very milky tea, Mrs Doyle. 66 00:05:03,647 --> 00:05:06,241 This is almost all-milk tea. 67 00:05:07,327 --> 00:05:09,921 Is there any tea in here at all? 68 00:05:09,967 --> 00:05:11,366 Well... 69 00:05:11,407 --> 00:05:12,806 No. 70 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:18,763 Anyone would think you were trying to use up all the milk so that... 71 00:05:18,807 --> 00:05:22,163 so that Pat Mustard can come here more often. 72 00:05:22,207 --> 00:05:23,925 Ha ha ha ha. 73 00:05:23,967 --> 00:05:26,117 Pat's very interesting, Father. 74 00:05:27,447 --> 00:05:30,325 At the weekends he's a swimming instructor. 75 00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:34,485 And he fought in Vietnam and he's a former Mr Universe 76 00:05:34,527 --> 00:05:37,803 and he taught Elvis Presley how to play karate. 77 00:05:37,847 --> 00:05:41,283 It sounds like he's telling you a few tall tales. 78 00:05:41,327 --> 00:05:43,318 What do you think, Dougal? 79 00:05:43,367 --> 00:05:46,359 Well, Ted, I'm very cynical, as you know. 80 00:05:51,327 --> 00:05:53,283 Well, Father... 81 00:05:53,327 --> 00:05:55,557 it's not my place, I know, 82 00:05:55,607 --> 00:05:59,361 but it sounds to me like you're a little bit jealous. 83 00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:05,284 Jealous? Of Mr Milkyman? I very much think not! 84 00:06:10,567 --> 00:06:12,558 What are you doing, Dougal? 85 00:06:12,607 --> 00:06:15,804 I'm looking at some of the hairy babies. 86 00:06:15,847 --> 00:06:18,805 - There's something about them. - Let's see. 87 00:06:23,407 --> 00:06:25,841 - Oh, my God. - What? 88 00:06:25,887 --> 00:06:28,481 This is a terrible thing to say 89 00:06:28,527 --> 00:06:30,518 but if you took this moustache, 90 00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:33,604 this baby's head hair and this baby's sideboards... 91 00:06:33,647 --> 00:06:37,003 I think you'd get...Pat Mustard! 92 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:43,601 Do you think the babies are copying his style? 93 00:06:45,647 --> 00:06:48,639 No, I think it's more likely that...mm-hmm. 94 00:06:48,687 --> 00:06:50,757 That Pat Mustard has been... 95 00:06:52,527 --> 00:06:56,406 You know, I mean delivering more than dairy products. 96 00:06:56,447 --> 00:06:57,766 No! 97 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,845 You mean he's been... 98 00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,401 Ho...I...can't... Ho! Ho-ho! 99 00:07:04,447 --> 00:07:06,244 He...no...wha... 100 00:07:08,727 --> 00:07:10,718 He's been what? 101 00:07:12,927 --> 00:07:15,236 We should do some detective work, 102 00:07:15,287 --> 00:07:18,962 find out what this Pat Mustard fella's up to. 103 00:07:19,007 --> 00:07:20,486 (Mrs Doyle laughing) 104 00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,199 (Pat Mustard laughing) 105 00:07:22,247 --> 00:07:24,841 (Both laughing) 106 00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:28,566 (Coughs ) 107 00:07:29,647 --> 00:07:31,319 Hello, Father. 108 00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:37,044 Oh, Pat wondered if he could put his massive tool in my box. 109 00:07:37,087 --> 00:07:41,319 - What?! How dare you! - It's too big for the milk float. 110 00:07:42,887 --> 00:07:45,845 I'll pick it up tomorrow. 111 00:07:45,887 --> 00:07:48,242 Mrs Doyle, could you leave us? 112 00:07:48,287 --> 00:07:50,243 Righto, Father. 113 00:07:55,047 --> 00:07:58,676 Pat Mustard, there are some very hairy babies around 114 00:07:58,727 --> 00:08:01,924 and I think you are the hairy baby maker! 115 00:08:01,967 --> 00:08:04,197 Well, I think you'd need proof 116 00:08:04,247 --> 00:08:07,478 if you're gonna make that sort of accusation 117 00:08:07,527 --> 00:08:11,998 and I'm a very careful man, Father, a very careful man. 118 00:08:12,047 --> 00:08:14,686 Except when taking precautions in the bedroom! 119 00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,797 You wouldn't be advising 120 00:08:16,847 --> 00:08:20,635 the use of artificial contraception, Father, would you? 121 00:08:20,687 --> 00:08:22,678 Yes, I...! 122 00:08:23,687 --> 00:08:25,723 No, I... 123 00:08:25,767 --> 00:08:28,964 If you're going to be... I...of course... 124 00:08:29,007 --> 00:08:30,998 Just feck off! 125 00:08:34,007 --> 00:08:37,556 You'd want to get up very early to catch me, Father. 126 00:08:37,607 --> 00:08:40,280 Very early in the morning. 127 00:08:50,327 --> 00:08:52,795 (Camera clicking) 128 00:09:00,247 --> 00:09:03,683 And now to ride Mrs O'Reilly. 129 00:09:03,727 --> 00:09:05,763 Dougal, did you get that? 130 00:09:09,567 --> 00:09:14,436 Ted, I turned the volume up to hear what's going on in the house. 131 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,955 - At this level you could hear... - (Horn honks ) 132 00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:24,044 Right, now we wait. No, he's finished! 133 00:09:25,887 --> 00:09:27,161 God! 134 00:09:27,207 --> 00:09:30,199 Theresa, I forgot me fecking trousers! 135 00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:34,081 - Ha-ha! Mm-hm! - (Camera clicking) 136 00:09:34,127 --> 00:09:37,881 Shameful! Dear God, disgraceful. 137 00:09:39,087 --> 00:09:43,524 - Have you ever seen the like? - No, I have not. 138 00:09:43,567 --> 00:09:45,683 How should we do this? 139 00:09:45,727 --> 00:09:49,845 How about £2 each for these and a tenner for the rest? 140 00:09:51,287 --> 00:09:54,518 I wasn't selling them, I was just showing you 141 00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:57,445 what one of your employees was up to. 142 00:09:57,487 --> 00:10:00,718 Oh! Oh, my God, yes! 143 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,883 What did you think? 144 00:10:02,927 --> 00:10:07,398 I completely misread the situation! This is disgraceful behaviour. 145 00:10:07,447 --> 00:10:11,201 This employee shall be removed from his job straight away. 146 00:10:11,247 --> 00:10:13,158 Thank you for informing us. 147 00:10:13,207 --> 00:10:16,040 Hey, you, who's gonna deliver the milk now? 148 00:10:16,087 --> 00:10:18,726 Actually, next week is a big week. 149 00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:22,521 We agreed to ease the milk surplus of Eastern Europe 150 00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:27,402 by buying 17,000 tonnes of milk from them. 151 00:10:27,447 --> 00:10:30,757 Pat's sacking couldn't have come at a worse time. 152 00:10:30,807 --> 00:10:35,164 Think of all that lovely milk with no one to drop it off. 153 00:10:35,207 --> 00:10:37,402 I wish I could do it. 154 00:10:37,447 --> 00:10:40,837 We could certainly trust a man of God. 155 00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:42,878 A what? 156 00:10:44,447 --> 00:10:47,917 - A priest. - Thanks for reminding me(!) 157 00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:51,562 But I'd love to be a milkman, that'd be fantastic. 158 00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:53,916 God knows I do flip-all around here! 159 00:10:53,967 --> 00:10:57,084 You could certainly fill in for a while. 160 00:10:57,127 --> 00:11:01,166 I'm not sure. Father McGuire has other duties in the parish. 161 00:11:01,207 --> 00:11:03,402 Like what? 162 00:11:11,047 --> 00:11:14,881 - And be sure to keep warm. - Ted! Not in front of Mr Fox. 163 00:11:14,927 --> 00:11:18,522 - And stay on the left of the road. - Duh! I know! 164 00:11:20,007 --> 00:11:21,998 Stop it! 165 00:11:23,407 --> 00:11:26,717 That turns it on, that makes it go, that steers it. 166 00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:29,725 - Ok. Right. - Ok! You're ready to be a milkman. 167 00:11:31,407 --> 00:11:34,763 Better get going - milk gets sour, you know. 168 00:11:34,807 --> 00:11:39,005 Unless it's UHT milk but there's no demand for that because it's shite. 169 00:11:43,567 --> 00:11:45,558 (Beeps horn ) 170 00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:55,322 He'll be fine. 171 00:12:01,207 --> 00:12:03,767 - (Clunk) - Ahh! 172 00:12:11,087 --> 00:12:12,725 What's going on? 173 00:12:12,767 --> 00:12:17,522 Father Hackett's got very fond of that brick. It's a great pet. 174 00:12:17,567 --> 00:12:22,516 He doesn't have to feed it or clean it. Suits him perfectly. 175 00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:25,445 I love my brick! 176 00:12:27,727 --> 00:12:29,718 Ahhh, that's nice. 177 00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:33,885 Maybe we're seeing another side to Father Jack, a more caring... 178 00:12:36,207 --> 00:12:38,323 Ahh, feck it! 179 00:12:39,807 --> 00:12:42,401 Fed up with "brick"! 180 00:12:42,447 --> 00:12:44,802 (Telephone rings ) 181 00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:53,965 Craggy Island parochial house... Father Ted Crilly speaking... 182 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:58,046 It's me, Father, y'ignorant bastard. 183 00:12:58,087 --> 00:12:59,884 Is that you, Mustard? 184 00:12:59,927 --> 00:13:03,920 You got me sacked and now I have to yank meself off 185 00:13:03,967 --> 00:13:06,435 because I haven't got any proper sex. 186 00:13:06,487 --> 00:13:09,957 Well, if you're going to use that language... 187 00:13:10,007 --> 00:13:12,316 No, I've something to tell you. 188 00:13:12,367 --> 00:13:14,403 I've left a little surprise 189 00:13:14,447 --> 00:13:18,759 on the milk float your little friend took off me. 190 00:13:18,807 --> 00:13:20,798 Something to remember me by. 191 00:13:20,847 --> 00:13:23,600 - A bomb! - What?! 192 00:13:23,647 --> 00:13:26,559 A very special bomb. 193 00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:32,284 When your little friend gets to over 4mph the bomb is armed 194 00:13:32,327 --> 00:13:36,525 but when he comes back under 4mph then... 195 00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,523 (Imitates explosion ) 196 00:13:39,727 --> 00:13:43,197 Sorry, I lost you there. What happens? 197 00:13:43,247 --> 00:13:47,081 - It'll go off. - Oh, my God, Dougal! 198 00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:49,687 (Pat laughing evilly) 199 00:13:53,087 --> 00:13:54,725 Mrs Millet...two pints. 200 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,883 Two pints. 201 00:13:56,927 --> 00:13:59,077 Two pints of milk. 202 00:14:01,247 --> 00:14:02,726 (Doorbell) 203 00:14:08,367 --> 00:14:10,005 Pat... 204 00:14:10,047 --> 00:14:11,765 Father! Oh, my God! 205 00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:16,085 Two pints. Eh, two pints... two pints. There you go. 206 00:14:16,127 --> 00:14:18,766 Bye, then. 207 00:14:33,127 --> 00:14:34,640 (Doorbell) 208 00:14:34,687 --> 00:14:36,598 Morning, Mrs Gleason! 209 00:14:36,647 --> 00:14:38,205 (Screams ) 210 00:14:39,367 --> 00:14:42,006 Ok, right. I'll just leave it here. 211 00:14:47,047 --> 00:14:49,003 (Car horn honking) 212 00:14:50,647 --> 00:14:54,356 Dougal! Dougal! Are you going over 4mph?! 213 00:14:54,407 --> 00:14:56,637 I'm fine, leave me alone. 214 00:14:56,687 --> 00:15:00,077 - Are you doing over four?! - Not yet. 215 00:15:01,527 --> 00:15:02,801 (Click) 216 00:15:02,847 --> 00:15:05,441 Now I am. 217 00:15:10,247 --> 00:15:13,125 Dougal, there's a bomb on the milk float! 218 00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:15,522 A bomb? Who's that for? 219 00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:18,639 It's not for delivery - it's going to kill you! 220 00:15:18,687 --> 00:15:21,042 Pat Mustard put it there! 221 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:24,921 When you go under 4mph it'll explode! Have you got that?! 222 00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:28,437 Oh, God! I don't wanna be a milkman any more! 223 00:15:28,487 --> 00:15:30,876 Just don't slow down! 224 00:15:30,927 --> 00:15:35,079 Ted, look! It's a big bunch of boxes in the road! 225 00:15:35,127 --> 00:15:37,721 Just stay over four! 226 00:16:01,487 --> 00:16:03,478 (Beeps horn ) 227 00:16:08,687 --> 00:16:10,643 (Beeps horn ) 228 00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:36,158 Go, Dougal! Go, go, go! 229 00:16:43,607 --> 00:16:46,246 Get to the roundabout and circle it. 230 00:16:46,287 --> 00:16:48,437 I have to have a think! 231 00:16:48,487 --> 00:16:51,763 Ted! 232 00:16:51,807 --> 00:16:53,798 (Phone rings ) 233 00:16:55,487 --> 00:16:58,285 Barren Island parochial house. Father Beeching. 234 00:16:58,327 --> 00:17:01,205 Derek, Dougal's on a milk float 235 00:17:01,247 --> 00:17:05,923 with a bomb that will blow up if it goes under 4mph. 236 00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:08,003 Yes, that is a problem. 237 00:17:08,047 --> 00:17:12,404 But don't panic, Ted, we'll find a way through it. 238 00:17:12,447 --> 00:17:15,757 We've got to do something practical! 239 00:17:15,807 --> 00:17:18,241 Wait...I have it. 240 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,278 (Engine chugging) 241 00:17:25,447 --> 00:17:27,438 The Lord be with you... 242 00:17:27,487 --> 00:17:29,842 Oh, no! Mass! 243 00:17:29,887 --> 00:17:33,004 Mass today being offered for Father Dougal McGuire 244 00:17:33,047 --> 00:17:36,483 who finds himself in a trying and unfortunate situation. 245 00:17:36,527 --> 00:17:41,078 We pray God will protect him from harm at this...time 246 00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:44,199 - and deliver him to safety. - Amen. 247 00:17:44,247 --> 00:17:46,397 (Pat laughing evilly) 248 00:17:46,447 --> 00:17:52,124 Oh, yes, they'll be peeling him off the wall for weeks to come. 249 00:17:52,167 --> 00:17:55,955 Go in peace to love and serve the Lord 250 00:17:56,007 --> 00:17:57,565 (All) Amen. 251 00:17:57,607 --> 00:18:00,804 Dougal, there's a roundabout! Just keep driving round! 252 00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,281 - Everything's gonna be Ok! - But I get dizzy! 253 00:18:03,327 --> 00:18:07,639 Don't get dizzy! You've got to come up with a plan. Back to my house! 254 00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,998 ( # Tense music) 255 00:18:34,527 --> 00:18:37,803 - That's the idea? - It's the best we've had. 256 00:18:37,847 --> 00:18:40,077 Another Mass - that's our best idea? 257 00:18:41,847 --> 00:18:45,203 I thought the other one went very well. 258 00:18:45,247 --> 00:18:47,238 Dougal needs help, not a Mass! 259 00:18:47,287 --> 00:18:51,360 This isn't a time for Mass, this is a time for action! 260 00:18:57,047 --> 00:18:59,083 Is there anything to be said 261 00:18:59,127 --> 00:19:01,118 for saying another Mass? 262 00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:03,998 Just a small one? 263 00:19:04,047 --> 00:19:06,356 Oh, God, I love saying Mass. 264 00:19:06,407 --> 00:19:09,763 Him and his Masses! One time, er, a few years ago, 265 00:19:09,807 --> 00:19:13,322 at the Moscow Olympics with, er, Sean Drea, the rower. 266 00:19:13,367 --> 00:19:15,358 This is a great story. 267 00:19:15,407 --> 00:19:18,399 - We don't have time! - It won't take a second. 268 00:19:18,447 --> 00:19:22,235 Shut up and help me think of a practical solution. 269 00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:24,926 Tea for everyone! 270 00:19:24,967 --> 00:19:27,720 Father Beeching, biscuit or cake? 271 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:30,281 Biscuit or cake? Ooh... 272 00:19:30,327 --> 00:19:33,717 Biscuit or cake, let's see... 273 00:19:33,767 --> 00:19:36,361 - For God's sake, hurry up! - Biscuit. 274 00:19:36,407 --> 00:19:39,046 No, cake! 275 00:19:39,967 --> 00:19:44,085 Have you seen the damage a bomb can do? Blow your face off! 276 00:19:47,927 --> 00:19:52,045 Well, it worked for them and they saved hundreds of lives. 277 00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:54,282 We only have to save one. 278 00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:56,124 That was different, 279 00:19:56,167 --> 00:20:00,080 The Towering Inferno was a building that caught fire! 280 00:20:00,127 --> 00:20:04,245 It's not the same as rescuing a priest from an explosive milk float. 281 00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:07,438 And besides, they had Paul Newman and Steve McQueen. 282 00:20:07,487 --> 00:20:12,277 God Almighty, I forgot Steve McQueen was in it. 283 00:20:12,327 --> 00:20:15,364 Wait! I've got it! The Poseidon Adventure! 284 00:20:15,407 --> 00:20:19,320 - What? - Gene Hackman plays a priest in it. 285 00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:26,359 (Poseidon Adventure title music plays on TV) 286 00:20:39,087 --> 00:20:41,317 Well, that was no help. 287 00:20:41,367 --> 00:20:43,676 He didn't even say Mass. 288 00:20:43,727 --> 00:20:47,640 Let's go to the roundabout and think of something there. 289 00:20:47,687 --> 00:20:48,881 Oh! 290 00:20:48,927 --> 00:20:50,963 Fecking brick! 291 00:20:53,207 --> 00:20:55,801 Wait a minute, I've got an idea. 292 00:20:57,487 --> 00:20:58,966 Yes, gentlemen... 293 00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:01,237 Father Dougal is propelling the milk float 294 00:21:01,287 --> 00:21:05,280 by exerting a small amount of pressure on the accelerator. 295 00:21:05,327 --> 00:21:08,319 If we replace his foot with an object 296 00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:11,837 then we can safely remove him from the vehicle. 297 00:21:11,887 --> 00:21:13,718 You mean... 298 00:21:13,767 --> 00:21:16,645 Yes. We put the brick on the accelerator. 299 00:21:22,367 --> 00:21:24,039 - Dougal! - Ahh! 300 00:21:24,087 --> 00:21:28,205 - I've got a plan. - Ted, I want to be a priest again. 301 00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:30,807 This isn't really your thing, is it? 302 00:21:30,847 --> 00:21:32,997 No, I don't like this job at all! 303 00:21:33,047 --> 00:21:37,438 All right, when I say step off, you step off, all right? 304 00:21:37,487 --> 00:21:40,320 k eep saying, "I want to be a priest." 305 00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:42,927 I want to be a priest, I want to be a priest, 306 00:21:42,967 --> 00:21:46,243 I want to be a priest, I want to be a priest! 307 00:21:46,287 --> 00:21:49,404 Step off the milk float, Dougal! 308 00:21:49,447 --> 00:21:52,598 Ted, you forgot your brick! 309 00:21:52,647 --> 00:21:56,606 Put it back! Put it back! Run, Dougal! 310 00:22:05,727 --> 00:22:07,524 I'm a priest! 311 00:22:10,767 --> 00:22:12,359 (Laughing evilly) 312 00:22:13,847 --> 00:22:18,125 Oh, yes, you messed with the wrong milkman, Father. 313 00:22:18,167 --> 00:22:22,922 Well, I'm off. Better get out the earplugs, Father, 314 00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:25,197 because when that milk float goes up, 315 00:22:25,247 --> 00:22:29,035 they'll hear it all the way to the North P... 316 00:22:29,087 --> 00:22:31,078 (Distant rumbling) 317 00:22:33,767 --> 00:22:35,723 (Dialling tone ) 318 00:22:43,207 --> 00:22:45,323 - There y'are. - Thanks, Ted. 319 00:22:45,367 --> 00:22:47,483 Sure you don't want any milk? 320 00:22:47,527 --> 00:22:51,679 No, no, I'll stay off milk for a good long while. 321 00:22:51,727 --> 00:22:56,847 You stick to what you're good at and I'm good at being a priest. 322 00:22:58,727 --> 00:23:00,240 Uh, yes. 323 00:23:00,287 --> 00:23:04,519 Ted, it's scary out there in the real non-priest world. 324 00:23:04,567 --> 00:23:07,923 Not every job's as dangerous as being a milkman. 325 00:23:07,967 --> 00:23:11,562 - Anyway, good night. - Good night, Ted. 326 00:23:28,527 --> 00:23:31,166 Those women were in the nip!