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Previously on
"United States of Tara"...
2
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Tara, is there any way...
3
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That I'd watch Wheels?
Hells yeah.
4
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Look, my brother says
the sooner I start,
5
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the sooner I'll be back.
6
00:00:10,215 --> 00:00:12,015
Just come back to us, okay?
7
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I liked you.
8
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I liked you, too.
9
00:00:16,855 --> 00:00:18,889
You're still in love with me.
10
00:00:20,859 --> 00:00:22,493
Your son got into
the film festival.
11
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Will you take me?
To New York?
12
00:00:23,928 --> 00:00:25,662
Max makes good.
13
00:00:25,697 --> 00:00:28,365
Is that really what you think
of our family, of me?
14
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"Max is a coward
for hanging in there."
15
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Ow! Mont--
16
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Timeout!
Time-fucking-out!
17
00:00:34,506 --> 00:00:37,141
Why can't we live
in the same city?
18
00:00:37,175 --> 00:00:40,144
Ah, because life, my dear,
is not that neat.
19
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I mean, my sister's
a little loopy,
20
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you know, but she's better.
21
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I mean, she says she's better,
22
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so I have to believe she's better.
23
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And who are you?
24
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I'm Bryce Craine.
25
00:00:56,561 --> 00:00:59,396
This is so good, mom.
I love the crab.
26
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Extraordinarily
allergic to crab.
27
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I told you that.
28
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Call an ambulance!
29
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It's your big brother.
30
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Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
31
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Why did they pick
such an early flight?
32
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Oh, free Skykans ticket.
33
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One of the perks of squeezing
34
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a low-budget-airline hostess
from my loins.
35
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Speaking of loins,
36
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,462
thank God
Neil comes home tomorrow.
37
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This is the longest
I've gone without sex,
38
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unless you count,
you know, ages zero to 11.
39
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You lo your virginity
at 11? Who with?
40
00:01:39,904 --> 00:01:42,239
Benn Bainer,
of the Bainer brothers.
41
00:01:42,273 --> 00:01:45,709
The brother with the harelip?
How did I not know this?
42
00:01:45,743 --> 00:01:47,845
No idea.
You were in the room.
43
00:01:47,879 --> 00:01:49,613
Hey.
44
00:01:49,647 --> 00:01:51,882
Oh.
Did you ask her?
45
00:01:51,916 --> 00:01:53,717
I was waiting for you.
46
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Ask me what?
47
00:01:54,953 --> 00:01:56,753
Did you tell Max about Bryce?
48
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No.
49
00:01:58,389 --> 00:01:59,823
What?
You didn't tell him?
50
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And ruin his big trip?
No, ma'am.
51
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,795
Tara, you have
a homicidal alter...
52
00:02:04,829 --> 00:02:07,331
Who tried to seafood
your professor.
53
00:02:07,365 --> 00:02:09,333
It was a prank.
He's 14 years old.
54
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He didn't understand
the consequences.
55
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Uh, and are these, um,
stab wounds for ventilation?
56
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Trust me. I have it under control.
57
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And you are saying this why?
58
00:02:24,048 --> 00:02:25,549
I thought he was
barfing up your pills.
59
00:02:28,119 --> 00:02:31,221
Ohhhh.
Mother, there are no words.
60
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Oh, honey, it's temporary, just
until your father gets home.
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And then
he and I will make a plan,
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and we will execute said plan.
63
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And it will be staggeringly
successful, I promise.
64
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But until then...
65
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Three snorts a day
keeps the psychos away.
66
00:02:49,641 --> 00:02:50,874
Ugh.
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00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:52,376
- Have a nice day.
- Thank you.
68
00:02:52,410 --> 00:02:54,278
So, did you find any treasures?
69
00:02:54,312 --> 00:02:55,846
I don't know.
70
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Does a sucked-on jolly rancher
stuck to a tray table count?
71
00:02:58,716 --> 00:02:59,783
Yes, it does.
72
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Mm.
73
00:03:03,154 --> 00:03:04,254
Mmm!
74
00:03:04,289 --> 00:03:06,423
What is that --
chocolate and coconut?
75
00:03:06,457 --> 00:03:08,625
Skykans' signature disinfectant.
76
00:03:08,660 --> 00:03:09,726
Ooh. How decadent.
77
00:03:10,795 --> 00:03:12,529
I think that I'm tastier
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00:03:12,564 --> 00:03:14,364
when I'm not chased
with a shot of feral 8-year-old.
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Uh, yeah,
that is not ideal. Sorry.
80
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Corrine and I are still trying
to figure out our schedules.
81
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Don't worry about it.
82
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I think
that my domestic situation
83
00:03:20,972 --> 00:03:23,807
has yours beat
by like a gazillion.
84
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Intriguing. Continue.
85
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Okay. Sunday dinner
at the Gregson house.
86
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My mom assumes the identity
of her molesty stepbrother
87
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to nearly commit murder
by shellfish.
88
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The victim --
her Psych professor,
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who is deathly allergic to crab,
which she knew about.
90
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Um...
91
00:03:39,190 --> 00:03:40,991
My mom becomes different people
92
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to cope with the shit
that other people do yoga for.
93
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It's some childhood trauma
dealing with her dad's son,
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who did something to her
at a cornfield, or...
95
00:03:50,735 --> 00:03:54,471
Wait. Is this -- i-i-is this too much?
96
00:03:54,505 --> 00:03:56,273
N-no.
Hmm?
97
00:03:56,307 --> 00:03:57,374
Uh, yeah.
98
00:03:57,408 --> 00:03:59,242
Um, it's, uh,
a little bit --
99
00:03:59,277 --> 00:04:01,478
I mean, it's just a lot --
and quick.
100
00:04:01,512 --> 00:04:02,479
But...
101
00:04:02,513 --> 00:04:04,748
Good...
102
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Ultimately.
103
00:04:06,117 --> 00:04:08,218
Um, where --
where should we go?
104
00:04:08,252 --> 00:04:10,387
Uh, to Starbucks or Quiznos?
105
00:04:10,421 --> 00:04:12,389
The world seems so small now.
106
00:04:12,423 --> 00:04:14,124
The entire world seems smaller?
107
00:04:14,158 --> 00:04:15,726
Compared to New York.
108
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,527
That sofa is 3 inches shorter
than when I left.
109
00:04:17,562 --> 00:04:18,629
Look at that.
110
00:04:18,663 --> 00:04:20,130
In New York for five days,
111
00:04:20,164 --> 00:04:21,832
and Marshall's suddenly
Mr. New York.
112
00:04:21,866 --> 00:04:23,667
He's like a regular Woody Allen.
113
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The only New Yorker
that dad seems to know.
114
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We saw him everywhere we went.
115
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Apparently,
Woody Allen works the register
116
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at Fao Schwarz on Fifth Ave.
117
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A lot of people look alike
in this world.
118
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I've got to go to school.
119
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You two all right?
120
00:04:38,850 --> 00:04:42,986
Yeah, yeah.
It's -- it's complicated.
121
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I'm proud of him, but we, uh...
122
00:04:45,256 --> 00:04:47,891
We got a little --
we got a little raw.
123
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I'll -- I'll tell you
about it later.
124
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I-I sort of
need to talk now.
125
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Bad stuff? Big stuff?
126
00:04:54,532 --> 00:04:56,800
Uh...Yes.
127
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New alter.
128
00:05:01,439 --> 00:05:03,407
Oh, but please
don't make that face.
129
00:05:03,441 --> 00:05:05,575
Uh, I have it under control.
130
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I'm allowed to have
any look I want.
131
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You know
I'd have come home earlier.
132
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Okay. All right.
133
00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:13,984
Who is she?
Good? Bad alter?
134
00:05:14,018 --> 00:05:17,020
Loves giving back massage
and knows the stock market?
135
00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:19,523
No? No? We're never gonna have
one of those, are we?
136
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He is 14 years old...
137
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And his name is...Bryce.
138
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Are you --
139
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Bryce?!
140
00:05:30,134 --> 00:05:31,968
As in Bryce Bryce?!
141
00:05:32,003 --> 00:05:33,670
I'm medicated --
heavily medicated.
142
00:05:33,705 --> 00:05:35,439
I have it
completely under control.
143
00:05:35,473 --> 00:05:37,407
Dad, let's go!
We're gonna be late!
144
00:05:37,442 --> 00:05:39,509
Okay. We're not done.
145
00:05:40,745 --> 00:05:41,945
Okay.
146
00:05:43,147 --> 00:05:46,383
Look what I got --
Charmaine's famous hot cocoa
147
00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:48,652
with rum shots and lucky charms.
148
00:05:48,686 --> 00:05:50,520
With just the horseshoes!
149
00:05:50,555 --> 00:05:52,389
Take off your jacket.
You're home.
150
00:05:52,423 --> 00:05:53,390
Mwah.
151
00:05:53,424 --> 00:05:55,192
I don't want to put her down.
152
00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:57,294
My arms have been itching
these last few weeks.
153
00:05:57,328 --> 00:06:00,230
Just been aching for her --
aching for her.
154
00:06:00,264 --> 00:06:01,598
What's she doing?
155
00:06:01,632 --> 00:06:03,233
Is she -- she laughing,
she drooling,
156
00:06:03,267 --> 00:06:04,801
she --
she rolling joints?
157
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,738
She's got
three new facial expressions.
158
00:06:07,772 --> 00:06:08,739
Oh.
159
00:06:08,773 --> 00:06:09,973
This one when she's pooping.
160
00:06:10,975 --> 00:06:13,777
"Constipated geriatric." Nice.
161
00:06:13,811 --> 00:06:14,811
Um, this one.
162
00:06:16,848 --> 00:06:18,248
"Elevator fart sniffer."
163
00:06:18,282 --> 00:06:20,150
And...
164
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Oh!
"Roller-coaster douche bag"!
165
00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:25,255
Oh, you're so talented!
166
00:06:38,302 --> 00:06:41,538
Being born in New York does not
make you any more special.
167
00:06:41,572 --> 00:06:44,875
It's luck.
Their movies were just okay.
168
00:06:44,909 --> 00:06:46,977
They're not magic geniuses
because they live
169
00:06:47,011 --> 00:06:49,112
on the Upper West Side
and drink egg creams.
170
00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:51,715
Eggs and cream?
That's a thing?
171
00:06:51,749 --> 00:06:54,017
That sounds like vomit juice.
172
00:06:54,051 --> 00:06:57,120
Well, how do you all feel
about souvenirs?
173
00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,121
Pro or con?
174
00:06:58,156 --> 00:06:59,523
Pro, definitely.
175
00:06:59,557 --> 00:07:02,359
We lost one of our students
last night.
176
00:07:02,393 --> 00:07:03,994
Really? Which one?
177
00:07:04,028 --> 00:07:06,596
FYI -- I won't be able
to fit a T-shirt over my head
178
00:07:06,631 --> 00:07:08,431
for the next two months.
179
00:07:08,466 --> 00:07:11,234
I assume they didn't have any
"I heart New York" button-ups?
180
00:07:11,269 --> 00:07:13,170
I think you should
tell them, Albert.
181
00:07:13,204 --> 00:07:16,206
Emotional children
make me very uncomfortable.
182
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,074
So...
183
00:07:18,109 --> 00:07:20,177
All right, class.
Uh, eyes here, ears open.
184
00:07:20,211 --> 00:07:21,678
I have some news.
185
00:07:21,712 --> 00:07:24,181
It's not the kind of news
anybody likes to get.
186
00:07:24,215 --> 00:07:26,183
You know, when I was 16,
187
00:07:26,217 --> 00:07:28,518
uh, there were
a lot of tractor accidents,
188
00:07:28,553 --> 00:07:31,288
and, uh, Donny Champlain
was the quarterback.
189
00:07:31,322 --> 00:07:32,956
Now, we all called him "Peaches"
190
00:07:32,990 --> 00:07:34,457
'cause, uh,
he had a-a peach tree --
191
00:07:34,492 --> 00:07:35,892
Lionel Trane's dead.
192
00:07:37,929 --> 00:07:40,730
It was a car accident --
last night.
193
00:07:51,542 --> 00:07:53,643
He didn't say a word
the entire ride.
194
00:07:53,678 --> 00:07:56,546
Oh, my poor boy.
195
00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:58,782
This is what you meant
by "medicated"?
196
00:07:58,816 --> 00:08:01,952
If you had a mustache,
you'd look just like Stalin.
197
00:08:01,986 --> 00:08:02,986
Now what?
198
00:08:03,020 --> 00:08:04,554
Uh, she'll be fine.
199
00:08:04,589 --> 00:08:06,590
She had to up her meds.
You get it.
200
00:08:06,624 --> 00:08:08,892
Of course. Wouldn't be her
if it wasn't something, right?
201
00:08:08,926 --> 00:08:11,695
There's always
something, Mooshoo,
202
00:08:11,729 --> 00:08:13,430
like a Chinese pancake.
203
00:08:13,464 --> 00:08:15,232
It doesn't matter.
It really doesn't.
204
00:08:15,266 --> 00:08:17,634
I get her or I get Alice
and a peach cobbler.
205
00:08:17,668 --> 00:08:19,236
What's the difference?
206
00:08:21,906 --> 00:08:23,340
I cannot believe
I got here so fast.
207
00:08:23,374 --> 00:08:25,008
Plane to car.
Speeding like a blur.
208
00:08:25,042 --> 00:08:26,610
I just -- I heard
what happened to Marshall,
209
00:08:26,644 --> 00:08:28,478
and I just had to be here,
you know?
210
00:08:28,512 --> 00:08:29,679
What do you need?
211
00:08:31,315 --> 00:08:33,450
He locked the door.
I just want to see if he's okay.
212
00:08:33,484 --> 00:08:34,818
Come on, Marsh.
213
00:08:34,852 --> 00:08:36,219
Oh, well, do you want to know
what to say,
214
00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:37,387
or do you want to break in there?
215
00:08:37,421 --> 00:08:38,722
Because I don't know what to say,
216
00:08:38,756 --> 00:08:39,656
but I can break into
any locked door in this house.
217
00:08:42,593 --> 00:08:44,060
Took you long enough.
218
00:08:46,964 --> 00:08:49,633
Well, buddy,
you could have opened the door
219
00:08:49,667 --> 00:08:51,101
and saved us some time.
220
00:08:51,135 --> 00:08:53,303
That's not why people lock doors.
221
00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:58,208
I don't have to go to work...
222
00:08:58,242 --> 00:09:00,744
If you want me to hang around.
223
00:09:00,778 --> 00:09:02,045
Please go to work.
224
00:09:02,079 --> 00:09:04,080
Don't do
anything different for me.
225
00:09:05,983 --> 00:09:09,252
I'm really sorry
about Lionel, Moosh.
226
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:12,822
You'll always be
my second-best gay.
227
00:09:12,857 --> 00:09:14,925
Because
you're my first-best gay.
228
00:09:14,959 --> 00:09:17,127
No?
229
00:09:17,161 --> 00:09:19,796
You really want me to go?
230
00:09:19,830 --> 00:09:21,531
Okay.
231
00:09:21,565 --> 00:09:25,001
I'll be over there
or next door -- close.
232
00:09:27,772 --> 00:09:31,174
♪ Oh, we're gonna change
your little diap-diap ♪
233
00:09:31,208 --> 00:09:32,175
Hey.
234
00:09:32,209 --> 00:09:33,176
Hi!
235
00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:34,945
What's with the mask?
236
00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:39,683
Found I lost the ability
to stand the stench.
237
00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:41,418
I don't want to puke on the baby.
238
00:09:41,452 --> 00:09:42,452
Scalpel.
239
00:09:44,355 --> 00:09:46,222
Oh, yeah.
240
00:09:46,257 --> 00:09:50,093
So, what's with the new dude
inside of Tara?
241
00:09:50,127 --> 00:09:52,128
Oh...
242
00:09:52,163 --> 00:09:54,164
Any other time,
we'd be scrambling around
243
00:09:54,198 --> 00:09:56,499
like rabid gerbils around her,
244
00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:58,802
but we're focusing
on Marshall right now
245
00:09:58,836 --> 00:10:01,638
'cause he's not doing too good.
246
00:10:03,207 --> 00:10:06,609
We make
these tiny, perfect creatures,
247
00:10:06,644 --> 00:10:09,579
promise them
nothing's gonna hurt them,
248
00:10:09,613 --> 00:10:10,947
promise ourselves.
249
00:10:10,982 --> 00:10:12,415
Yeah.
250
00:10:12,450 --> 00:10:15,251
And then the world just unloads
a shitstorm in their faces.
251
00:10:15,286 --> 00:10:16,252
Hm.
252
00:10:16,287 --> 00:10:19,389
And you realize...
253
00:10:19,423 --> 00:10:21,124
nothing's in your control.
254
00:10:21,158 --> 00:10:23,593
Yeah, well, you can't fix it,
man, you know?
255
00:10:23,627 --> 00:10:27,097
You just got to be there
for him, hope you're capable.
256
00:10:27,131 --> 00:10:28,298
Forceps.
257
00:10:28,332 --> 00:10:29,332
Aaaah!
258
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:31,401
Oh, God.
Aah. Okay.
259
00:10:31,435 --> 00:10:32,435
Dude...
260
00:10:32,470 --> 00:10:33,803
I-I know.
I know, I know.
261
00:10:37,908 --> 00:10:39,609
Uh, just a second.
262
00:10:39,643 --> 00:10:42,746
Hey, honey,
should I wear my charcoal suit
263
00:10:42,780 --> 00:10:45,148
or the black one tomorrow?
264
00:10:47,118 --> 00:10:49,219
Too bad you don't have fuchsia.
265
00:10:49,253 --> 00:10:50,687
Yeah.
266
00:10:50,721 --> 00:10:52,522
Hey, honey, if you're
feeling any better,
267
00:10:52,556 --> 00:10:55,158
maybe you can go check
on Marshall, too, okay?
268
00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:10,273
Is it okay if I come in?
269
00:11:12,143 --> 00:11:14,110
It's your house.
270
00:11:14,145 --> 00:11:16,312
The doors are merely suggestions.
271
00:11:21,652 --> 00:11:25,321
I, uh...
272
00:11:25,356 --> 00:11:29,325
I found this picture
of you guys this summer.
273
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,194
Remember,
they were showing movies
274
00:11:31,228 --> 00:11:32,729
on the wall at the library?
275
00:11:39,203 --> 00:11:41,871
We got into a fight
right after that.
276
00:11:41,906 --> 00:11:43,173
Yeah.
277
00:11:43,207 --> 00:11:47,277
But then it was over,
and we got ice cream.
278
00:11:49,313 --> 00:11:51,514
And I watched him watching you.
279
00:11:51,549 --> 00:11:55,952
That's the kind of thing
a mother rarely gets to do --
280
00:11:55,986 --> 00:12:00,824
watch someone watch your kid
and see the same thing you do.
281
00:12:00,858 --> 00:12:04,027
We were terrible together.
282
00:12:04,061 --> 00:12:05,762
You know that.
283
00:12:05,796 --> 00:12:07,630
We weren't in love.
284
00:12:07,665 --> 00:12:11,167
Well, you weren't
soul mates, but...
285
00:12:11,202 --> 00:12:13,937
I think he still
wanted to watch you,
286
00:12:13,971 --> 00:12:16,439
see what you were gonna do next.
287
00:12:20,044 --> 00:12:24,013
Tomorrow, it won't be like this.
288
00:12:25,449 --> 00:12:27,517
I'm -- I'm here,
however you need me.
289
00:12:27,551 --> 00:12:29,385
I'll stay here for the funeral,
290
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:31,855
or...I'll be there
with you.
291
00:12:31,889 --> 00:12:34,057
It's -- it's your call.
292
00:12:34,091 --> 00:12:36,893
Hey, um...
293
00:12:39,296 --> 00:12:40,897
Please come.
294
00:12:42,766 --> 00:12:44,067
Yeah.
295
00:13:02,052 --> 00:13:05,889
Hey, um, look, I-I feel like
I should just apologize,
296
00:13:05,923 --> 00:13:08,858
um, for shoving my hyperactive
spawn down your throat.
297
00:13:08,893 --> 00:13:13,463
He's just...you know, um...
part of the package.
298
00:13:13,497 --> 00:13:15,598
A-a-and I don't mean
that I'm, like, a package.
299
00:13:15,633 --> 00:13:17,000
It's not like I wasn't
300
00:13:17,034 --> 00:13:18,201
hemorrhaging
my own family bullshit.
301
00:13:18,235 --> 00:13:19,402
I don't want to bog you down.
302
00:13:21,672 --> 00:13:23,439
Yeah, because, I mean,
we both have, like,
303
00:13:23,474 --> 00:13:24,707
a ton of stuff
going on right now.
304
00:13:24,742 --> 00:13:26,075
Yeah. We should just
keep it super-casual.
305
00:13:26,110 --> 00:13:29,212
I am so glad that you said that.
306
00:13:30,414 --> 00:13:32,182
Mm.
And does "super-casual" --
307
00:13:32,216 --> 00:13:36,920
that means that we're like
khakis or...jean shorts?
308
00:13:36,954 --> 00:13:39,856
Well, like -- like,
those weird calf-length shorts
309
00:13:39,890 --> 00:13:41,257
that Kevin Smith wears?
310
00:13:41,292 --> 00:13:42,859
"Jorts."
311
00:13:42,893 --> 00:13:45,161
Yeah. We're jorts.
312
00:13:47,164 --> 00:13:50,433
Mm. But...So -- so just,
more casual than we are now?
313
00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:51,668
Mm-hmm.
314
00:13:51,702 --> 00:13:53,736
So, do you want to...
date other people?
315
00:13:53,771 --> 00:13:55,638
No way.
316
00:13:55,673 --> 00:13:57,140
Whoa. Wait. Did you?
317
00:13:57,174 --> 00:13:59,242
No. No.
318
00:13:59,276 --> 00:14:00,843
Okay.
No.
319
00:14:00,878 --> 00:14:03,780
But if we're jorts, that means
that we're, like, not pants.
320
00:14:03,814 --> 00:14:04,981
Mm.
321
00:14:05,015 --> 00:14:06,816
And if we're not pants
and we're not shorts,
322
00:14:06,850 --> 00:14:08,418
then we're...
323
00:14:08,452 --> 00:14:10,553
Not anything.
324
00:14:12,456 --> 00:14:13,957
Right.
325
00:14:15,859 --> 00:14:18,394
Well, I'm glad
that we figured this out.
326
00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:22,298
Me too.
327
00:14:23,834 --> 00:14:25,301
Okay.
328
00:14:34,945 --> 00:14:38,681
Life is so fucking fragile.
329
00:14:39,883 --> 00:14:41,384
You know what I keep thinking?
330
00:14:41,418 --> 00:14:42,452
Hmm?
331
00:14:42,486 --> 00:14:45,088
It could have been him
in the car.
332
00:14:45,122 --> 00:14:46,656
Oh, baby...
I know.
333
00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:49,459
Don't -- don't go there.
I can't help it.
334
00:14:49,493 --> 00:14:54,864
We got to...not take shit for granted,
335
00:14:54,898 --> 00:14:58,801
appreciate everything we got,
which is a boatload.
336
00:15:00,271 --> 00:15:02,905
I feel like my whole life
is boiling down
337
00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:06,476
to this one fucking blip in time.
338
00:15:06,510 --> 00:15:08,478
If I can't mother that boy
right now,
339
00:15:08,512 --> 00:15:11,714
when he needs me the most...
340
00:15:11,749 --> 00:15:13,483
What am I?
341
00:15:15,052 --> 00:15:17,320
Says here
the funeral's at noon
342
00:15:17,354 --> 00:15:19,689
and we all arrive
over to the cemetery.
343
00:15:19,723 --> 00:15:20,990
Is Moosh gonna speak?
344
00:15:21,025 --> 00:15:22,392
I don't know, honey.
345
00:15:22,426 --> 00:15:25,128
This fucking sucks.
I hate funerals.
346
00:15:25,162 --> 00:15:26,396
Really?
347
00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:29,465
Most people love
mourning violent death.
348
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,968
Is this an open-casket
funeral, or what?
349
00:15:32,002 --> 00:15:34,404
Well, judging
from the accident report,
350
00:15:34,438 --> 00:15:36,773
I doubt
he's in any shape for that.
351
00:15:36,807 --> 00:15:38,808
Hey, Mooshy.
352
00:15:40,277 --> 00:15:42,578
How you doing, kiddo?
353
00:15:43,814 --> 00:15:45,181
I understand.
354
00:15:45,215 --> 00:15:47,183
When I lost my dear mother,
355
00:15:47,217 --> 00:15:49,819
I didn't speak
to anyone for months.
356
00:15:49,853 --> 00:15:51,754
Of course,
we were closer than most.
357
00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:53,489
I-I brushed her hair
every day,
358
00:15:53,524 --> 00:15:56,159
and we slept
in the same bed --
359
00:15:56,193 --> 00:15:57,260
Uh, hey, Ted...
360
00:15:57,294 --> 00:15:58,695
Tara!
361
00:15:58,729 --> 00:16:00,263
We, uh, we want
to get there early.
362
00:16:00,297 --> 00:16:02,498
You about ready?
363
00:16:06,670 --> 00:16:08,571
Mom?
364
00:16:08,605 --> 00:16:10,740
Morning, folks.
365
00:16:10,774 --> 00:16:12,842
And hello again, Charmaine.
366
00:16:14,578 --> 00:16:15,945
Katherine.
367
00:16:17,281 --> 00:16:21,050
My apologies for my poor
table manners the other night.
368
00:16:21,085 --> 00:16:23,152
Awfully impolite of me.
369
00:16:23,187 --> 00:16:25,221
Tara's miffed
she can't be here today,
370
00:16:25,255 --> 00:16:28,024
though she sends her best
from Cabo.
371
00:16:29,593 --> 00:16:32,695
Have a great day, Tara's family.
372
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:36,199
Go put the "fun"
back in "funeral."
373
00:16:43,374 --> 00:16:44,574
Let's go.
374
00:16:46,243 --> 00:16:47,777
♪ It feels good
to say what I want ♪
375
00:16:47,811 --> 00:16:49,779
♪ it feels good
to knock things down ♪
376
00:16:49,813 --> 00:16:51,381
♪ it feels good to see
the disgust in their eyes ♪
377
00:16:51,415 --> 00:16:53,516
♪ it feels good,
I'm gonna go wild ♪
378
00:16:53,550 --> 00:16:55,284
♪ spray paint the walls ♪
379
00:16:55,319 --> 00:16:57,253
♪ I don't want
to see the plan succeed ♪
380
00:16:57,287 --> 00:16:58,855
♪ there won't be room
for people like me ♪
381
00:16:58,889 --> 00:17:00,323
♪ my life is their disease ♪
382
00:17:00,357 --> 00:17:02,425
♪ it feels good,
I'm gonna go wild ♪
383
00:17:02,459 --> 00:17:04,660
♪ spray paint the walls ♪
384
00:17:04,695 --> 00:17:06,529
♪ it feels good
to say what I want ♪
385
00:17:06,563 --> 00:17:08,431
♪ it feels good
to knock things down ♪
386
00:17:08,465 --> 00:17:09,932
♪ it feels good to see
the disgust in their eyes ♪
387
00:17:09,967 --> 00:17:11,901
♪ it feels good,
I'm gonna go wild ♪
388
00:17:11,935 --> 00:17:13,736
♪ spray paint the walls ♪
389
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:16,272
♪ spray paint the walls ♪
390
00:17:16,306 --> 00:17:17,740
♪ it feels good,
I'm gonna go wild ♪
391
00:17:19,543 --> 00:17:21,110
I thought it was nice.
392
00:17:21,145 --> 00:17:22,645
I guess it's weird
to call a funeral "nice,"
393
00:17:22,679 --> 00:17:23,713
but it was different.
394
00:17:23,747 --> 00:17:24,714
What's the word?
395
00:17:24,748 --> 00:17:25,715
Flamboyant.
396
00:17:25,749 --> 00:17:27,183
It was tasteful.
397
00:17:27,217 --> 00:17:29,118
It was flamboyant.
398
00:17:29,153 --> 00:17:32,255
When I go, I hope
that my parents could see me
399
00:17:32,289 --> 00:17:35,491
as gay and at peace
in a roomful of friends.
400
00:17:35,526 --> 00:17:38,494
Lionel Trane always said
exactly what was on his mind,
401
00:17:38,529 --> 00:17:39,862
and I respect that.
402
00:17:39,897 --> 00:17:41,364
You know what he said to me once?
403
00:17:41,398 --> 00:17:44,066
He said, "Kate,
leggings are not pants."
404
00:17:44,101 --> 00:17:46,502
And he was right.
405
00:17:46,537 --> 00:17:48,771
Did you see the newspaper?
406
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:50,106
What's that, buddy?
407
00:17:50,140 --> 00:17:53,109
Well, um, look at the headline.
408
00:17:53,143 --> 00:17:57,280
It says "Local Student Trane
Killed in Crash."
409
00:17:57,314 --> 00:17:59,449
If you didn't read the article,
you'd think
410
00:17:59,483 --> 00:18:02,118
that a local train full of
students were killed in a crash.
411
00:18:02,152 --> 00:18:04,187
Like, if he died
slightly differently,
412
00:18:04,221 --> 00:18:05,988
they'd have a better headline.
413
00:18:06,023 --> 00:18:08,291
Yeah, it's kind of like
the writer was thinking,
414
00:18:08,325 --> 00:18:10,693
"I just wish he would have died
a little bit funnier."
415
00:18:13,263 --> 00:18:16,799
"Trane trains train,
tragically."
416
00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:18,634
"Dies."
♪ wah-wah ♪
417
00:18:19,803 --> 00:18:21,604
Okay, um...
418
00:18:21,638 --> 00:18:25,808
He...crashed into a train
at his own family reunion.
419
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:28,778
"Trane smash into train crash
at trane bash."
420
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:32,715
Wait.
I want to do one.
421
00:18:32,749 --> 00:18:34,383
"Lionel..."
422
00:18:36,386 --> 00:18:39,622
Fuck!
I'm so bad at word games!
423
00:18:39,656 --> 00:18:41,057
Guys, please.
424
00:18:41,091 --> 00:18:43,292
I can hear your soppy bullshit
from upstairs.
425
00:18:43,327 --> 00:18:45,561
How does a guy whack off
in peace in this house?
426
00:18:45,596 --> 00:18:46,562
Fucking, really.
427
00:18:48,265 --> 00:18:49,799
Kidding, of course.
428
00:18:49,833 --> 00:18:51,834
I always find a way to whack it.
429
00:18:51,869 --> 00:18:54,937
Kate, FYI --
your pink Teddy Bear and I
430
00:18:54,972 --> 00:18:58,407
shared a wonderful
moment in time.
431
00:18:58,442 --> 00:19:01,677
Oh, and I found this letter
in Marsh's room.
432
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:08,117
"Marshall, we are stars.
433
00:19:08,151 --> 00:19:10,319
"We will get brighter,
434
00:19:10,354 --> 00:19:13,356
and we will shine
forever and ever."
435
00:19:15,192 --> 00:19:19,328
It's funny 'cause it's retarded
and he's dead.
436
00:19:19,363 --> 00:19:21,764
Leave him alone, mom.
437
00:19:21,798 --> 00:19:23,599
She's not in there.
438
00:19:23,634 --> 00:19:25,301
But she let this happen,
439
00:19:25,335 --> 00:19:27,937
because no one can have
bigger problems than her, right?
440
00:19:27,971 --> 00:19:30,139
Oh, Tara's
the fucking worst, huh?
441
00:19:30,173 --> 00:19:32,108
All right, it's been fun, Bryce,
442
00:19:32,142 --> 00:19:33,876
but this thing has a clock
on it. I'm calling Hattaras.
443
00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,745
You're out of here.
Dad --
444
00:19:35,779 --> 00:19:37,880
"Got it under control"
my fucking ass.
445
00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:41,450
Well, tell the good doctor,
"Hello, cheerio, pip-pip,
446
00:19:41,485 --> 00:19:43,386
and take the lift."
447
00:19:43,420 --> 00:19:45,955
Max, Hattaras
isn't seeing Tara anymore.
448
00:19:45,989 --> 00:19:48,324
Bryce tried to poison him
with crab.
449
00:19:49,593 --> 00:19:50,960
Poison him?
450
00:19:50,994 --> 00:19:54,063
Yeah, and he lived.
Fucker couldn't take a joke.
451
00:19:54,097 --> 00:19:56,532
Well, who's looking out for Tara?
452
00:19:56,567 --> 00:19:57,800
No one?
453
00:19:57,834 --> 00:19:59,969
T-there's
no fucking net?!
454
00:20:00,003 --> 00:20:02,204
W-what am I
supposed to do now?
455
00:20:02,239 --> 00:20:03,973
What were you going to do?
456
00:20:04,007 --> 00:20:04,974
I should go.
457
00:20:05,008 --> 00:20:06,842
Yeah.
Uh, us too.
458
00:20:06,877 --> 00:20:08,244
You can't leave.
459
00:20:08,278 --> 00:20:10,813
It's a party.
Don't you want to party?
460
00:20:10,847 --> 00:20:12,882
Or you got to get back
to the baby, huh?
461
00:20:12,916 --> 00:20:14,650
Yes.
462
00:20:14,685 --> 00:20:17,320
Adorable little girl
you've got there.
463
00:20:17,354 --> 00:20:18,854
Just an angel.
464
00:20:18,889 --> 00:20:22,391
Yeah, we had a hell of a time
while you were away.
465
00:20:22,426 --> 00:20:25,795
You know, no one
takes the bus anymore
466
00:20:25,829 --> 00:20:29,065
but fat people and old folks...
467
00:20:29,099 --> 00:20:32,468
And your sweet, little baby girl.
468
00:20:32,502 --> 00:20:37,039
♪ The wheels on the bus
with Wheels and Bryce ♪
469
00:20:37,074 --> 00:20:39,008
♪ Wheels and Bryce ♪
470
00:20:39,042 --> 00:20:40,643
♪ all through the town ♪
471
00:20:41,878 --> 00:20:43,546
You knew about that, right?
472
00:20:43,580 --> 00:20:44,914
What the fuck is
she talking about, Charmaine?
473
00:20:44,948 --> 00:20:46,215
I don't know
what she's talking about.
474
00:20:46,249 --> 00:20:47,817
If I find out --
if I find out...
475
00:20:47,851 --> 00:20:49,352
Hey.
476
00:20:50,687 --> 00:20:52,121
Whoa, buddy.
477
00:20:52,155 --> 00:20:54,323
Who are you defending, dad?!
Who are you protecting?!
478
00:20:55,592 --> 00:20:57,593
Yeah, who am I protecting?
479
00:20:57,628 --> 00:20:59,562
Stay away.
480
00:20:59,596 --> 00:21:01,230
Leave our family alone.
481
00:21:04,201 --> 00:21:05,968
I wish we were
the sort of people
482
00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:08,270
who could just get upset
about one thing.
483
00:21:08,305 --> 00:21:10,973
When something happens,
everything else should go away.
484
00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:14,110
One terrible, horrible thing
a day.
485
00:21:14,144 --> 00:21:16,312
Yeah. I don't expect
anything else.
486
00:21:16,346 --> 00:21:18,814
She can't cope.
How can she help me cope?
487
00:21:18,849 --> 00:21:20,883
Well, I don't know
if it makes you feel any better,
488
00:21:20,917 --> 00:21:22,551
but if mom knew
what she was doing,
489
00:21:22,586 --> 00:21:24,320
it would absolutely destroy her.
490
00:21:24,354 --> 00:21:26,756
Does it matter what she thinks
if she does what she does?
491
00:21:26,790 --> 00:21:28,224
I don't know.
492
00:21:28,258 --> 00:21:30,192
You've got to get out
of this house.
493
00:21:30,227 --> 00:21:31,694
Please, promise me.
494
00:21:33,497 --> 00:21:35,831
I absolutely will.
I promise.
495
00:21:35,866 --> 00:21:37,800
No. You won't.
496
00:21:37,834 --> 00:21:40,636
Because I always say I'm gonna
get out of here tomorrow,
497
00:21:40,671 --> 00:21:43,172
and I even get on a plane
every day.
498
00:21:43,206 --> 00:21:44,540
I'm still here.
499
00:21:46,677 --> 00:21:48,611
What do you expect me to do?
500
00:21:48,645 --> 00:21:51,480
Nothing. Nothing.
No contact.
501
00:21:51,515 --> 00:21:56,485
No phone calls,
no...multilayered pasta dishes.
502
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,120
But she's my sister.
503
00:21:58,155 --> 00:22:01,424
Aren't you the one who's
Mr. "It's Always About Family"?
504
00:22:01,458 --> 00:22:03,092
We're your family.
505
00:22:03,126 --> 00:22:06,228
We're your family,
number one and only, all right?
506
00:22:06,263 --> 00:22:10,166
Indivisible, with liberty
and justice for all.
507
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,368
But how will I know Tara's okay?
508
00:22:12,402 --> 00:22:14,070
You don't have to.
509
00:22:14,104 --> 00:22:16,772
She's not, all right?
She's not okay. I wish she was.
510
00:22:16,807 --> 00:22:20,976
But my girls have got to be
okay first.
511
00:22:21,011 --> 00:22:23,212
All right?
512
00:22:23,246 --> 00:22:24,680
That...
513
00:22:24,715 --> 00:22:27,983
person took our baby.
514
00:22:30,787 --> 00:22:34,857
No one is ever going to hurt you.
515
00:22:34,891 --> 00:22:35,891
Ohh.
516
00:22:37,027 --> 00:22:38,894
Sorry.
517
00:22:38,929 --> 00:22:40,830
Hey. It's my day off,
and my brother's --
518
00:22:40,864 --> 00:22:42,465
Hey, hey,
what are you doing here?
519
00:22:42,499 --> 00:22:43,899
It's hard.
It's really hard.
520
00:22:43,934 --> 00:22:46,469
And, uh -- hang on.
521
00:22:46,503 --> 00:22:48,504
Okay, here's the thing.
522
00:22:48,538 --> 00:22:50,606
I'm tired of using my mom
as an excuse
523
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,942
for all of the crap
that I can't deal with,
524
00:22:52,976 --> 00:22:55,945
and I am sick of acting like
her problems are my problems.
525
00:22:55,979 --> 00:22:58,180
I want to make my own problems.
526
00:22:58,215 --> 00:23:00,216
That's my right
as a human fucking being.
527
00:23:00,250 --> 00:23:02,718
And so I choose you.
528
00:23:04,654 --> 00:23:06,722
Be my problem.
529
00:23:06,757 --> 00:23:07,890
Please?
530
00:23:08,825 --> 00:23:10,760
Okay.
531
00:23:10,794 --> 00:23:13,095
Does this mean
we're no longer jorts?
532
00:23:14,397 --> 00:23:16,766
No. We're culottes.
533
00:23:22,005 --> 00:23:23,839
It's on standby, I promise.
534
00:23:23,874 --> 00:23:25,741
I know your tricks, Gregson.
535
00:23:25,776 --> 00:23:27,643
We just need a moment.
536
00:23:27,677 --> 00:23:30,212
Pretend it was just before.
Future Lionel.
537
00:23:30,247 --> 00:23:32,047
Fine.
538
00:23:32,082 --> 00:23:36,852
In 10 years, I'm going to live
in a mansion in New York --
539
00:23:36,887 --> 00:23:41,524
marble floors, pool boys,
famous for being famous.
540
00:23:41,558 --> 00:23:43,159
Pool boys in New York?
541
00:23:43,193 --> 00:23:46,395
You'll go to Manhattan,
I'll go to Manhattan.
542
00:23:46,429 --> 00:23:48,964
Your Manhattan
will be in New York,
543
00:23:48,999 --> 00:23:51,367
and mine will be at Kansas State
544
00:23:51,401 --> 00:23:53,602
in Manhattan, Kansas.
545
00:23:53,637 --> 00:23:56,005
Maybe if I want
the marble floors enough,
546
00:23:56,039 --> 00:23:59,041
I'll end up
someplace in the middle.
547
00:23:59,075 --> 00:24:01,343
You don't dream
about any real things?
548
00:24:03,079 --> 00:24:05,314
Reality star
cum movie star --
549
00:24:06,817 --> 00:24:09,318
There is a flood of shit
coming down the mountain.
550
00:24:09,352 --> 00:24:11,153
I need some men with buckets.
551
00:24:12,656 --> 00:24:14,723
My bucket's almost full.
552
00:24:16,793 --> 00:24:21,163
I think I-it's best for everyone
that I not hang around.
553
00:24:22,632 --> 00:24:25,935
Then I...hereby withdraw your bucket.
554
00:24:25,969 --> 00:24:28,070
I'll -- I'll hold 'em
for both of us.
555
00:24:30,941 --> 00:24:34,210
When you go, I want you
to do something for me.
556
00:24:34,244 --> 00:24:36,879
When you ran around New York,
you acted like
557
00:24:36,913 --> 00:24:41,884
you'd never seen a fucking
building or a bagel before.
558
00:24:41,918 --> 00:24:43,752
Don't ever lose that.
559
00:24:45,956 --> 00:24:48,290
Don't give that up for him.
560
00:24:49,793 --> 00:24:52,394
Or her.
561
00:24:52,429 --> 00:24:54,263
Is she gonna be okay?
562
00:24:55,866 --> 00:24:58,267
That's not your problem anymore.
563
00:24:59,603 --> 00:25:01,036
Are you gonna be okay?
564
00:25:04,407 --> 00:25:06,075
You even...
565
00:25:06,109 --> 00:25:08,143
You even know where you're going?
566
00:25:08,178 --> 00:25:10,012
Yeah.
567
00:25:11,114 --> 00:25:12,748
Come here.
568
00:25:15,685 --> 00:25:17,887
You call me when you get there.
569
00:25:30,533 --> 00:25:32,167
You want me to stop?
570
00:25:32,202 --> 00:25:33,235
Yeah.
571
00:25:33,270 --> 00:25:35,137
Fuck you, old man.
572
00:25:35,171 --> 00:25:36,972
Don't tell me what to do.
573
00:25:37,007 --> 00:25:39,041
When's Tara coming back?
574
00:25:44,347 --> 00:25:46,282
Don't you get it?
575
00:25:47,884 --> 00:25:50,019
She's not.
576
00:25:53,525 --> 00:26:04,097
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com