Hello.
Dobutra.
Today, we're going to talk about helping countries in need.
Needy countries, okay?
Needy countries.
I think we've become very, very, very isolated and insular.
Insular.
That's right.
Selfish, insular, horrible.
Just average horrible selfish people, okay.
I'm thinking of maybe focusing on immigrants only this week for clients.
We'll see what happens.
Depends on who I can get, because I don't want to deal with Armenians.
And then the Uzbeks, it's too much.
But we'll see what happens.
Maybe we'll pick something like Norwegians.
You know what I mean.
They need help.
They're cold.
They're suicidal but they're handsome.
(Crying).
Honey, where have you been, we've been waiting for you.
What happened, why you not happy?
Natasha not sleeping.
Why you not sleeping?
Natasha thinking.
That never happens.
What's going on?
Natasha want to have baby.
Baby?
Where is this coming from?
You never wanted to have baby.
9-1/2 weeks, the movie.
With Mickey Roarke fucking Kim Bassinger for two hours with no point.
Yes.
And this makes you want to have baby?
Yes.
Okay, we won't even talk about lack of connection.
Honey, I can't, I'm sorry.
I'd love for you to have children at some juncture later in life but now,
we have to have you working.
I can't have you out of commission for 9 months because business is rough
right now.
Okay, all right, don't cry, don't cry.
How about we adopt a child for you.
Can we do that?
Yeah?
Yeah, we adopt a baby then you don't have to be pregnant for 9 months and you
can have baby.
Okay.
Let's adopt it from somewhere in need
like Haiti.
Yeah.
Yeah, you like that?
Yeah, Haiti is good.
Okay.
I love you.
Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
This door is...
Okay.
This is nice.
Hi, how are you.
Where are babies?
Oh, here hand me that.
That must be some sort of baby binder or something.
What is this?
Oh, third world.
That's what we want, fantastic.
You sure you don't want Asian baby?
I mean look, no?
Okay.
Okay, how about this one.
Where is he from, oh!
Haiti, all right.
Right Timmy.
Timmy from Haiti.
Timmy.
My son.
Very good, so we found one.
That didn't take too long.
You know I would come down there and fight you.
You know that?
I will rip your fucking head off.
You know how big I am?
I am huge.
I am a huge man.
Did you guys pick your baby yet?
Did you look through the third world binder?
No, okay.
Because we have the baby from Haiti.
That's ours.
We reserved him.
My son.
You want black baby, right?
Yeah.
So it will look like it's your own, right?
Yeah.
And you can lie to our kid and say he's
actually ours even though he's adopted.
Traumatic years later, trust me.
Trust me.
I was born to a poor black family.
I'm kidding that is Steve Martin reference.
You know Steve Martin?
You know that movie?
Okay.
We're going to pee.
We're not going in front of you, really, okay.
You owe me money mother fucker.
Yeah!
That's right.
Ow!
Fuck....
Hold on.
- Hi. - What the fuck is this?
It's a double.
It's all right honey hold on one second.
Hi!
How are you honey?
I'm well, how are you two.
Good, good.
We just didn't have the patience to wait any longer.
So, we're here.
We just want to wrap this up quickly.
Who are you again?
Svetlana Maximouskyaya.
Hi.
I'm Michael Gilley.
Oh, hi, Michael wow.
Yeah.
That's great.
I like a good hand shake.
Are you gonna let go?
Okay, sorry.
Hi.
Natasha.
Yeah, she over enunciates.
We picked a baby.
Yeah, we looked at the third world binder which we liked very much.
It's a nice assortment.
Really all colors and sizes.
Are you adopting?
Are you?
You're a couple?
Are you not a couple?
No, I'm her mother.
You're her mother?
Yeah, yeah.
Really?
C'mon, really?
Yeah.
What are you trying to say?
I'm just saying because it started as a compliment and now I'm starting to
think she's too hot to be my daughter.
Yeah.
Sort of.
Well, sorry.
I didn't mean to say that.
Yes, you did.
Normally, I don't insult.
Um, okay.
First I'm dykey and now I'm like ugly.
Anything else?
Do I have a Harry nipple?
No, I don't.
I apologize, I'm sorry.
We just want a baby.
Can we please proceed.
Sorry, we'll put that right in the... System.
Yeah.
Look at this, we're in there, going in the system.
Uh-oh.
What?
What's' going on?
Huh... What are you looking at.
It's like we're at lax or something.
It's fine.
Are we getting arrested?
Water boarding?
Cavity search?
You have been arrested.
What?
No, no, no.
That is error.
Natasha is very popular name.
Okay.
Just pull up the police record like that.
Yeah.
That stuff is supposed to be confidential.
It's the Internet now, you can do that.
Yeah, I know but the Internet, the world wide web, I'm on it.
Okay.
We have a website.
Www.Stpetersburghous eofdiscretepleasure.
Com.
Like a horsey.
Wait, that's you.
Yeah, that's her.
That is more inside her.
Like really, that's the large intestine.
But it's just a different angle, you're not used to seng.
Oh look it's going to flash.
Like they do with the women at the mortgage end.
Yeah, yeah.
Look at that right there.
Did you know that place existed.
I didn't.
This, I, I gotta say.
My gut feeling is that this is not that healthy.
Healthy for who?
For a child to come into your home where people are fucking all the time.
Okay, you know what, nobody is fucking all the time.
No?
We're making love.
For a reasonable price first of all.
This house of ill repute.
Ill repute?
We're not in an episode of deadwood.
I'm running a brothel.
We have play room.
You have play room.
We have a play room.
Have you ever even taken care of a pet?
Kitties.
Kitties?
She has a calendar with kittens on it.
She has a calendar, a kitten calendar.
It's a nice one.
So not even real kitties.
Well they're virtually real.
They look real.
It's HD so it looks really nice.
No, no, I can't do it.
No, I can't.
I can.
You make.
Get your hands off.
My binder.
Ow, ow!
(Crying).
Oh honia, honey I'm sorry, I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I'm sorry.
I know adoption was my idea.
I know, I know.
It's okay.
We'll find you a baby all right?
From Haiti?
From Haiti.
We'll find you a Haitian baby, all right.
I don't know if I have to sleep with Wyclef Jean, I will, okay?
You will?
No, actually I can't I'm sorry.
The first time was really nice but also traumatizing at the same time.
Oh, you know what we'll call Peter.
Call Peter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't how I didn't think of that before.
We could have saved yourselves the traumatic experience dealing with that putz.
Okay, okay don't cry because when you pout, it gives you more lines.
We can't have that.
No, flatten it out.
Oh, Peter.
Hi, it is Sveta, how are you?
I'm good, yeah.
I can hardly hear you.
Where are you?
Where is that?
Oh, he's in Jersey.
Okay.
I'm here with Natasha and we need your help.
Yeah, I need a baby.
From Haiti.
Yeah.
Natasha wants to adopt one.
Really?
Yeah, absolutely.
He has someone in mind already.
Okay, Thomas.
Thomas?
A boy?
It's a boy, yeah.
Is he healthy baby.
Oh very healthy, very strong.
Oh... That's great.
Tomorrow?
Well we have nothing, okay, okay yeah.
We'll go to target and buy the stuff.
Okay, great.
Yeah, we'll be ready.
All right great.
Thank you Peter.
Bye, bye.
Don't smile too much because you'll also get lines.
I don't understand.
It's supposed to be the easiest part and it's not working.
If only your father had minimal technical skills.
When they build it, they want to mess with us because they don't want....
I'm sorry, how are you doing with the decals honey?
Coming.
Hello.
Hi, how are you?
Is this Maxisifilus?
Yeas, Maximouskyaya, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We have the whole room ready and we've been decorating.
It's really nice.
Wonderful.
Where is the baby?
From Peter, yeah?
Thomas the baby, yeah.
Is he in the car?
No, I am Thomas.
Oh, you're Thomas, okay so what's the baby's name?
There is no baby.
There is only me.
There I am Thomas.
You're not coming with baby?
Peter.
I had a deal with Peter I bring him and he... Baby.
Uh, no a place for me to stay for one month.
Okay, misunderstanding.
I'm trying to speak your language a little bit.
Yeah.
We ordered baby from Haiti.
Okay, we paid Peter.
No, hold on.
Just give me a minute.
Peter promised me a baby.
I paid him a lot of money.
I also pay him a lot of money.
Well, he's making a lot of money.
We had a deal, and here I am.
I'm Thomas.
Thomas, you can't be Thomas.
We need baby Thomas, all right.
I am a Thomas.
We'll get you on a flight back to Haiti and you can go back and I will help
you... I'm not going back to Haiti.
Do you know the situation in Haiti?
I know.
Do you have any idea what it is?
I know.
I read the paper.
I watch the news.
I go on several websites, New York times, reuters.
There is no place to eat.
And there is no water.
There is no housing.
That's great but you know what, I'm not the un high commission on
refugees, all right?
We need....
No, Natasha... My baby, my baby, my baby.
Natasha.
Natasha, it's the wrong Thomas.
Mama.
All right, come on in.
Mama, cute.
So cute.
Okay.
Take your baby.
Fucking unbelievable.
Natasha?
Natasha, you have client.
Thomas breast feeding.
Excuse me?
(Crying).
Gonna grow big and strong.
You have to pull the strap around and to stick it.
It's not sticking.
This should not take half an hour.
You are pushing when you should be pulling.
What is going on here?
Natasha, what are you doing?
Oh, you're wearing diapers now.
Is that what is happening?
But these are way too big for a baby your age.
Too big?
Those are not too big.
No, no, no.
Look, look at what I'm carrying and tell me it is too small.
You're not doing it right, here let me in.
Be careful of the testicles.
Yes, of course, these little baby testicles.
Look at that.
Around the strap and velcro the little Teddy bear to the panda and you're all
set, all right?
Don't forget to change it 16 times a day.
16?
Yeah.
Poop away.
So a baby was ordered.
A baby was paid for.
And the baby showed up and was older than you thought.
The baby was about 45 years older than I thought.
So, that's great.
You have an older gentleman.
Eddie, she's changing his diapers.
She's wiping his butt.
He's breast feeding.
So this guy's got a good deal.
Yeah, he's got a fantastic deal.
That's my point.
We're getting gipped here.
Like where is the milk coming from is a whole separate issue.
You know what I mean?
No, the body makes it.
No, the body doesn't make it.
When you're pregnant it makes it.
No it makes it always.
Do you have milk in your titties.
Of course I do.
Have you tried, have you squirted it out.
Like to a donut.
Not necessarily a donut.
So what?
Coffee.
Something that takes milk.
Why would you spray it on a donut.
Because I don't know, dipping donuts in milk.
Then you would spray it in a cup and then
you'd dip the donut but this isn't about that.
You should probably be talking to her instead of me about this.
No, because she's, she's happy.
If she's happy, you gotta let her be happy.
I can't have her tending to a 45 year old man.
Does it make her happy wiping his butt?
Yeah, she loves it.
Then why would you get in the way of that wipe?
I don't want to get in the way of the wipe, I just...
I don't want my daughter to be taken advantage of.
Are her boobs happy?
Yeah.
Is the black baby happy?
He's really happy.
Okay everyone is happy but you.
Maybe you're right.
I just have to accept that this guy is part of our life now.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi, wow, you look beautiful.
Mommy say give good service to Dr.
Parks.
I didn't understand a word you said but I'm very excited.
I just wanted to warn you before hand, that when we're done,
I'm going to sing the Korean national anthem.
It's family tradition.
It's okay.
You sit.
Oh, God.
No, oh no.
There's..
There's a... Man.
Its Thomas.
What is he doing here?
He's my baby.
He live here now.
He like to watch.
Mama.
See, see he say mama.
No, no, no.
That's a grown man.
He's so cute.
No.
He has a beard.
Babies don't have beards and uh... A slight mustache.
This is not a baby.
He have diapers.
That does not make him... He have diaper rash.
That is a man in his mid 30s.
Trust me.
He wear.
He just went like this.
Like that with his face.
That is not what a baby does.
Baby like to play.
He's very smart baby.
He's so smart, he already have teeth.
Intelligence has nothing to do with teeth growth.
I don't like adults who are going to watch me engaged in intercourse.
That's very.
Dr. park, mommy said give good service.
I want to give good service.
Can you please hold me now.
Oh, wow.
That was wonderful.
But I have to go.
I feel very uncomfortable.
This is very strange.
Do you hate the baby?
I don't hate the baby.
I just I, I, hate the situation and I'm sorry.
Thank you very much.
Very nice to meet you.
A baby does not know how to hand shake.
Does not.
Told you he's smart baby.
Doesn't matter, he's an adult.
He has a grip too.
My turn mama.
Oh, you're so cute.
You take a nap now.
No, no, no nap.
Humpy, humpy, humpy.
No, it's nap time.
You so silly.
No, no, no, no nap.
No nap.
Nap time.
Always nap, nap, nap.
(Crying).
Where is she?
In the bathroom, so take a breather.
(Crying).
What I am saying is Yasser Arafat was one of the greatest man in the 20th...
And slightly corrupt, let's be honest.
Rest in peace.
But what he did was he pulled together people who are...
Being spit upon by the Israelis.....
I think he's still hungry, baby Thomas.
Messy baby, you messy baby.
Bad boy.
He likes it.
Likes the applesauce.
Too much apple sauce.
Thomas, mommy have to change your diaper.
I don't want my diaper changed.
I can change my own diaper.
And wipe my own ass.
Yes he can.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm just thinking.
You know I've become such a misanthrope.
Well, I was so unfriendly to that guy, you know poor Haitian guy comes in
and needs help and I tell him he's trying to gip my daughter.
I don't like what I've become.
I've drifted from the past.
And it upsets me.
Oh, you're too hard on yourself.
If I'm really honest with myself, I kind of like having him around, you know.
He's fun.
I think it's great.
He's like our Tyler Perry.
He is like our Tyler Perry.
Even though I've never seen any of those movies.
Like 66 of those.
Madea does this, Madea goes to wash her face, Madea falls over.
I'm hungry honey, I'm going to get a snack.
Can I get you anything?
Can I get some of that cheese.
Don't we have gouda?
We stopped buying gouda months ago.
It was too expensive honey, remember?
I told you if you like cheese, you can eat the velveeta,
the fake slices made from plastic.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, I'll bring you the gouda.
But it's actually hooda.
It's hooda?
A Dutch client told me.
His howda, something disgusting like that.
It's like howda.
Howda?
So I'll get you some howda.
Thank you baby.
Love you.
Ow!
Oh Jesus Christ!
Thomas what you doing down here?
It's middle of the night.
I cannot sleep at night because I'm napping, napping all fucking day long.
Keep your voice down.
You're supposed to be in your crib.
I am starving.
All I have to beat is breast milk, breast milk.
I am not a kitten.
Man cannot live on breast milk at all.
You signed up for it.
You know what I mean?
It was not a problem until she wouldn't have sex with me because I am the baby.
Yeah, of course.
I miss my wife.
Why did you leave in the first place?
I did not leave her, she left me for some aid worker.
Those aid workers, you know what I mean.
They come and they're trying to help and hey take the regulars.
I know the kind of aid they want to give.
I know where they live now.
If I had him in my hands, but I don't have the strength because I have no food.
All right, all right honey okay, just relax.
I think it's best that you go back home, yeah?
I find my wife and kill the aid worker.
That's the right thing to do.
Then I build a mud shack.
Whatever it is you build it with you build, you know what I mean?
You can send me home?
You want me to hook you up, I'll hook you up.
It would be good you hooking me up.
Yeah, okay.
You have very nice lips.
They're cherry color.
I like the cherry.
Thank you very much.
They get a little redder at night, you know what I mean the blood flow.
Something here.
What?
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.
You're my grandson.
This is too wrong.
You're my grandmother.
Good point.
Oh boy.
What's happening?
Is this Haitian.
It's like 9-1/2 weeks the awkward years.
The incest version.
Thomas, I'm going to call you a taxi.
Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
Finally a quiet morning, huh.
I'm too old for babies, you know what I'm saying, honey?
Mama.
Yes, honey.
My baby kidnapped.
No, I know I'm sorry.
I was going to tell you first thing this morning.
Thomas had to go back to Haiti.
To where?
To his family.
He has another mother?
No, a wife and three kids.
But he had fun with you and he told me to say goodbye.
And he said you were a great mother.
Yeah, you really were.
So you learned something this week, right?
Yes, breast feeding.
I don't know how that happened.
Where did the milk come from?
It is still confusing me.
Right, let's focus on the clients.
Mikah is coming.
Mikah?
I like mikah.
Come in.
There he is.
Hey Mike.
Hey Natasha.
Where is the big baby guy.
Baby went bye bye.
Oh, that's disappointing.
I liked having him watch.