You know Vladkey, I'm so excited, Anya finally got long weekend from
school, you know what I mean.
No.
I love having her back.
I missed her so much.
You know straight A's.
Straight A's again.
Okay, honey relax.
Speak English.
There is a big spider in pleasure room "B".
Okay, have you tried killing it?
No!
All right, all right, I'll take care of it.
Just take client up to master bedroom, okay?
Client, client!
How does she even have sex.
I mean that also involves some sort, right?
Oh, Anya, Anya, Anya come in.
Oh!
My beautiful daughter.
Oh, you look so good.
Look at you.
All right, come have breakfast.
Say hi to your father.
Good to see you.
I was waiting for you.
For perfect potato pancake.
So how is it going there honia?
Good, very good.
I want to know how you're doing with our college office.
It's going very well.
Don't professors that teach you.
Professors that actually don't teach you, yeah?
No, no.
Because I want you to get grades legit, you know what I mean?
Not like I.
Your mother got college education by like 66 BJ's a week.
You know what I mean.
And then suddenly cum laudin?
Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
Dobutra everybodia.
Dobutra.
Dobrutra.
That's pretty good actually.
I would like to welcome Liam who is our guest at today's weekly employee
session.
Thank you for having me.
And Anya.
Who is here for long weekend from school.
Very proud of her straight "a" student and turning tricks in the dorm.
The university satellite office.
Which I'm very proud of.
So let's give her a big St. Petersburg House of Discrete Pleasure round of
applause.
My daughter the budding whore, it's great.
Okay, we have a lot of things to cover today and some are important,
some nonsensical.
Inappropriate snacking.
I've been getting several complaints from clients inappropriate
snacking during sessions.
Marina, you were especially targeted on this one.
No more plantain chips and no more of that trader Joe, the pirates Booty.
It fizzles and apparently has a weird reaction in the groinal area, okay.
The clip.
It's coming back with a vengeance.
I don't kn w why, I don't know how.
But I want you guys to be extra careful.
So please with extra prophylactics if you can.
I'm going to have daily testing.
You too Vlad, because you're around everything and you're breathing.
I can stop breathing.
Yeah, maybe try that for a while.
Anya in the dorm rooms.
Double up, triple up.
Saran wrap, zip lock, you know tin foil.
Anything you can to cover the member and still have them feel something.
If they not feel anything, it's not our problem, okay?
Uh... Marina and I have a big announcement.
Okay, yeah?
Yeah, we've been talking a lot about it and we've decided we're absolutely
going to have uh...
Rebunik.
A rebunik.
Really?
Oh my God, a baby.
That's so exciting.
A bambino.
Okay, so you're going to have, you know insemination.
Yeah.
That's great.
Good, I'll set you up Clyde.
You can pick any client you want.
Liam is going to have it.
What?
Yeah, I'm going to have it.
Are we using your eggs?
Yeah.
Aren't you a little over the hill for that?
Mom!
I'm just saying.
Honestly, right?
It's rude.
If John Travolta's wife can do it, so can I.
But she's a scientologist.
They can do anything.
Well... I mean we can try it one time around.
You know if it comes out a smoking raisin then it's her turn.
Why don't we just cut that step and just start with Marina, okay?
You can have it.
I can?
Yeah.
Okay.
It will look just like her.
Yeah, let's hope so.
What happened?
What's wrong?
Another spider?
No.
Natasha client dead now.
Your client died during coitus?
Yes.
In my bed?
Yes.
Natasha what do you do to them.
He's not breathing now.
I know, that's dead.
That's usually equivalent.
Okay, Vlad, take care of the body please.
Now?
Yes, now.
You want to wait till it's putrid and festers in the bedroom and put it
in the recyclable section of the dumpster, okay?
Okay.
So I called the bigger cryobanks and they want us to fill out forms and they
want social security numbers.
I said, you know what forget it.
I found this place.
Which doesn't require any information.
It's reasonably prices.
But it looks like a prison.
That's okay, they cage the sperm and then we take what we want.
You know what I mean?
It will be fun.
I don't want my feet sticking to the floor here.
Don't worry, if they do I will just wash it off with sperm remover.
I have one at the house.
This was voted the most reasonably priced sperm bank on Yale.
Googledeals.com and sketchysperm.net.
Oh, here we are.
Wow, smells like jiz.
Okay, to be expected, right?
All right ladies, sit down and I'll take care of registration and things.
Get in the cup, get in the cup.
Oh, I'm sorry one second.
One second.
How you doing?
I'm good.
I'm looking for the person that runs the place.
That's me.
Are you dropping off or picking up?
Uh, drop off or picking up?
Dropping off sperm?
You want to drop some sperm off?
Byos.
You bring your own sperm and we'll just inseminate.
You want to pick up sperm then I gotta, I'll be right out.
Please.
We'd like to pick up.
Your mother and her ideas sometimes.
Do you work here?
Yes, welcome to sperm world.
How can I help you?
Do you?
I do a little drop off.
Drop off.
So you work and you actually donate.
You're like double duty.
Hey I do it all mom.
We're trying to you know create a mixed race out here.
A mixed race so every donor gets a little hit of the blackness.
A little touch of the blackness.
And that works?
Mix it up a little bit.
Just a little dab.
A little hint of black.
That's actually convenient.
A hit of black is good.
Black is hot right now.
Yeah, know, I know of course.
It's in right now.
You are in, you have to utilize it.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, we don't want black baby and we don't want hint of black if that's all
right, no offense.
I don't mind selling black guys.
You like black guys maa?
Maa you like black guys?
She doesn't like guys.
Penis, not her department.
I mean it is at home but not work.
What are you doing with your hand?
I'm just keeping limber.
What are we looking for?
Well, we're looking for... Smart, stupid, strong, well you know.
Oh, you can actually choose political?
Yes, yes.
We got the whole network back there.
We let the sperm listen to Beethoven.
Oh, okay.
They say that sound helps... The sperm.
Yes, that's right.
We start early now.
We start really, really early.
The earlier the better.
Yeah, I want someone with classic Tchaikovsky, Shostakovich.
You know what I mean.
We want a classy baby.
Okay, we want a baby that can dance.
That can move, that is hung like horse.
You know what I mean?
Sounds black.
That don't sound white.
That sounds black, I got you.
What's your story?
No para English.
Musician.
He speak Italian.
I could have band together.
(Speaking Italian).
I see the sunshine in your eyes.
Do anybody else beside these two guys.
Not right now.
Check the monkey.
Five minutes, $25.
America.
Yeah, but you have no options here.
You have two guys that are aging.
You have one guy with dementia, one guy croaked and your black sperm.
I mean it's not giving us many options.
Old.
Or black.
You know what, we're going to go somewhere else.
You sure?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I gotta make a phone call.
My friend Leroy can come, a couple of people.
I can bring you some guys.
You can call Leroy and tell him to hang tight.
Hi, how are you?
So I'm wondering if you guys, we'll pay you.
Are willing to donate your sperm?
You comfortable with that.
You won't have to take care of the kid or anything.
Because you look healthy and you're athletic, you know what I mean.
You look smart and you have good taste.
Would you be willing to donate some sperm for me.
$3000.
But sperm is more than $3000.
Give me a counter offer.
Have you been to my establishment St.
Petersburg house of discrete pleasure.
You're under 18, I don't want to deal with your parents, you know what I mean
and all that jazz.
Okay.
All right, well thank you honey.
Yeah, it's a lot of money.
Can I talk to you for one minute.
No.
Okay.
It's my turn.
You better not know this.
The thrusting of the penis during intercourse is...
Okay guys, after three days of intense searching on the corner of Argyle
and Hollywood, I finally found your spermanator.
Ah!
This is Scottia.
He's not as sharp as I would like but he's got great physique,
hung like a horse.
And look at these testicles.
Not too far away from the body and not too close.
So well ventilated and yet still able to produce many babies.
All right?
Look at that.
Can you take off your hat?
Absolutely.
I checked everything.
Muffin butt.
Right?
Great, great.
And not too much hair there either.
Really fantastic.
All right, let's get this going.
This is great.
Let's have some sex.
We'll make a baby.
Let's go make that baby.
What are you talking about?
Mom, we talked about this.
But I just told him for 5 minutes he can have sex with you.
Are you kidding?
He's doing it for free.
I don't care.
But... he's not hurling that hot dog down her hallway.
C'mon you said sex for 5 minutes and soda.
Yes, I did.
Yeah.
So we'll give you the soda, okay.
Dr. pepper and then you can jack off into a cup.
Yes, but now if there is no sex.
Then I need money too, I think.
How about $15.
$15?
$20?
Okay, $20's fine and you can have sex with me.
Really?
Yeah.
Still for $20 and I get the soda.
Yeah, of course.
I'll get you a magazine, okay?
And I'll get magazine and you hang tight.
Would you like to play sexual trivia with us?
Sure.
An erection is involuntary process?
True or false.
Uh, false?
Okay, you're scaring him with questions.
Not too much stimulation, okay.
This is what I got for you honey.
Foreign Affairs.
International Socialist Revolution.
This is Bolivia.
This is really great.
Really great articles in this one.
The Economist and the Counter Terrorism.
I'm a new subscriber.
Fantastic stuff.
There you go honey.
None of this is porn.
I need pictures of girls.
We don't have porn.
No, no we're a classy establishment.
We have real girls, we don't need one of those fake air brushed you know big
titty, oh is this pubic hair, no it's not it's gone.
Is it there, fake lips, fake nose, we don't have that.
But that would help.
So.
Look, look.
Oh look, there's a bunch of north Koreans.
Okay.
And there is a map of Sudan.
That's a photo.
Palestinians protesting in Gaza.
Look, there's a lot of them there.
Oh... That's kind of a group thing.
If a woman wishes to seek revenge after a man comes in her mouth against her
wishes, she could A) Simply spit it out nosily.
B) Give him a dirty look.
C) Remove only half of it from her mouth then give him a tongue kiss.
Or D) All are effective.
It's..
It's actually C.
She got it right.
She knows it well because she never likes them to cum in her mouth.
All right.
Good.
Bullets from the fun gun.
What took you so long?
The counter terrorism makes me soft.
Okay, great.
Well let's use this.
Okay, here we go.
Here we go.
Pouring it in.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where's the turkey baster.
(Screams).
Careful.
Coming.
Sorry I can't forget all the accessories.
Here we go.
All right, all right, okay.
In.
No.
What?
I can't do it on the sofa.
It's my favorite sofa.
I mean it's expensive and this stuff will crust and cause stains.
This is a sacred area.
We do pleasure room?
There's a spider in the pleasure room.
How about your room?
Yes, the master bedroom.
Brilliant idea.
You're not as dumb as I thought.
Okay, let's go.
Do I keep it warm, do I keep it cold.
What do I do with it?
I don't know.
Don't ask me.
It's pretty, huh?
(Screams).
What?
Vlad.
I told you to get rid of the body.
Oh my God.
Guys, can you help me please.
Can you help me.
All right.
Oh, that's gross.
Vlad, quickie, quickly.
All right.
Time sensitive issues here.
Okay.
Wait, wait.
Vlad, Vlad.
Oh!
Man there is my child.
All right.
Get me another one.
Can I have chips too?
Absolutely.
Some fritos for you.
Don't worry honey.
I'm sorry honey.
What?
All right.
Hey, mom.
Guess what, guess what.
I got a job.
Yeah, that's right.
Pakistan.
You own me.
I'm working right now.
You own ..
Holy.
Blast off.
It's manual labor.
That's hot.
Got it.
Maybe he deserves a bonus.
I mean the guy didn't expect to be providing twice.
I mean he's giving me amounts.
You know what I mean, these are quarts.
It's like costco.
All right.
Here we go.
You did it!
All right!
Good boy.
Here we go.
Whoop.
Whoa, okay, okay.
Just relax.
What is with the granny underwear?
I like it.
You dykes have your taste.
Here we go.
It's going in, say hi to baby.
All right.
1, 2.
Guys, guys, guys.
I think she's good.
You're getting a little carried away here.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Fantastic.
Was it good for you?
You all right?
Can you feel it going in.
Okay Scott thank you so much.
Have a good night.
Yeah.
Do you need a ride home or are you okay?
Home?
Oh, no.
Wait.
When do we know if she is pregnant?
Well, it's not going to happen right now, right?
It takes a little while.
How long?
Really Vlad?
It takes a few weeks.
When does the baby come out.
Well, in 9 months.
Maybe I should have thought about intelligence now, I'm a bit concerned.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you you've done a great job.
All right see you.
Mom!
Okay.
See you Scotty bye.
Sweet kid, right?
Sweet kid.
All right Vlad, we're going to go eat, you take care of the body.
You can do it, push.
Push.
Oh, push again.
Oh!
You did it.
They're twins and they're beautiful.
Scotty?
Hi.
What are you doing here?
I was going to leave but then I thought maybe I should stay around and see my
son.
I tried to explain to you earlier that it's going to take a long time for this
son or daughter to appear.
I don't know why it would be a daughter.
But I no, I understand.
It's going to take a while.
But I'll just stay here with you guys.
You know we all get along so well and you're kind of like my family.
Well, how do I put this.
I don't want to hurt you, you know because you're a nice kid.
And um, let me give you cinematic image.
Have you ever seen The Kids Are All Right?
No.
It's an independent film with a nice touching ending.
And it's about a young man just like you.
Straight, young, virile, right?
And he donates sperm to a lesbian couple just like them.
That's crazy.
That's like exactly what happened today.
It's exactly what happened today.
But you know what?
The man wanted to be part of the kids'
life.
Right?
Be their dad.
Me too.
Yeah, but it doesn't work that way.
Why?
Because Annette Bening said he's an interloper.
And she yells at him at the doorway and it's a very aggravating scene
and she says you know what, get your own life, buddy.
You can't come strolling in here just because you donated sperm and
think you can just be a parent, because we are the parents.
You don't have to yell at me.
Being Annette Bening.
I'm sorry, I was getting in to character because I like to act sometimes.
It's a hobby of mine.
Was a very convincing?
Was I good?
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Can you cry more so I can feel... You're an interloper.
You can't come in here and just insert yourself into our kids' lives.
It's very good.
I'm sorry.
Look, how about this.
I have sex with you and then you leave and you never come back again, okay?
Sure.
Is that all right?
Then you go and you find yourself some dim blonde woman and have children with
her that are really dumb and they get to some after school program and they
flunk and they become like check out people.
That sounds really nice.
But sex first.
Yah, okay.
Can I keep your hat.
Oh, Vlad.
What a day, huh?
How you doing honey?
Yea?
Yeah, me too.
Oh Vlad, you've got quite the erection.
Me?
Vlad!
You're supposed to get rid of this guy hours ago.
I tried.
He's so heavy, I couldn't get him off the bed.
You're such a lazy fuck.
Gimme a break, c'mon.
All right, fine.
I don't have the energy for this right now.
Gimme a kiss.
All right.
He's nice and warm.
Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
Hello, hi.
Yeah.
Do I know you.
I don't think so.
I feel like I know you.
Really?
Yeah, because you're so attractive, you know.
I know all attractive men in this town, you know what I mean.
Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
What's your name?
John.
You can get closer.
I don't bite.
I was wondering if maybe you're free this afternoon for some fun activity.
Um, what kind of fun activity are we talking about.
Basically I put you in a room.
Into cup and you're going to go.
You're going to jack me off in a cup?
No, I mean I could jack you off if you wanted me to, I just need your sperm.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I'm totally serious.
Are we talking like money?
Well how much do you want?
I mean, to get my sperm, which is my life.
Yeah, but you're not using it.
Minimum $500.
$500 that's outrageous.
This is my kid.
I have great genes.
Look at me.
You look fantastic.
Thank you, see what I'm saying.
I do see what you're saying but I was hoping you would just do it because
it doesn't cost you anything to do it.
$350 if you suck me off.
I'll work on it.
I have to pay you to suck you off.
You're taking my jiz.
But people pay me to suck people off.
I was going to ask you to pay me to jack you off.
You know what I mean.
Things have flipped here.
Look at me.
I'm looking.
A lot of women want a piece of this, you know what I'm saying.
I have good genes.
My parents are still married.
That's fantastic.
You know what I'm saying.
I get it $250 but I'm not jacking you off.
$275.
$250 final offer.
Fuck that, I'm out of here.
Fuck you.
Yeah, fuck you.
Suck my dick.