1
00:00:06,826 --> 00:00:07,987
Megan!
2
00:00:10,281 --> 00:00:12,716
Megan Harriman!
3
00:00:12,784 --> 00:00:14,451
Hey! Hey!
4
00:00:16,788 --> 00:00:18,122
Hey, hey, hey!
Oh! Oh!
5
00:00:18,189 --> 00:00:19,489
Sorry, sorry.
6
00:00:19,557 --> 00:00:20,958
Megan!
7
00:00:21,026 --> 00:00:21,959
Hey!
8
00:00:22,027 --> 00:00:24,895
Hey, hey, hey!
9
00:00:24,963 --> 00:00:26,030
Hey! Megan! Megan!
10
00:00:26,097 --> 00:00:28,632
Megan!
11
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:29,733
What.
12
00:00:29,801 --> 00:00:30,968
Megan Harriman. Whoa!
13
00:00:31,036 --> 00:00:32,636
Yeah, we dated
for a couple months,
14
00:00:32,704 --> 00:00:35,039
then, all of a sudden,
boom, no texts,
15
00:00:35,106 --> 00:00:37,174
no e-mails, wouldn't even
answer her door.
16
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:38,575
Now I run into her,
17
00:00:38,643 --> 00:00:40,510
she gets in a cab
and drives off!
18
00:00:40,578 --> 00:00:41,964
Maybe she really doesn't want
to talk to you.
19
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,120
Man, I gotta get to
the bottom of this!
20
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,016
Aaron,
find me Megan Harriman.
21
00:00:46,084 --> 00:00:47,350
I'm cashing in
an e-wish.
22
00:00:47,418 --> 00:00:48,385
A what now?
23
00:00:48,452 --> 00:00:49,553
Aaron's got this computer thing.
24
00:00:49,620 --> 00:00:51,689
That you can find
any human on earth,
25
00:00:51,756 --> 00:00:54,357
but he'll only let each of us
use it three times.
26
00:00:54,425 --> 00:00:57,161
Which is totally unfair
and arbitrary, by the way.
27
00:00:57,228 --> 00:00:59,163
Well, it's not my fault
that you got drunk.
28
00:00:59,230 --> 00:01:01,665
And blew all of yours on Spanish
tennis players. (Laughs)
29
00:01:01,733 --> 00:01:03,033
Oh, my mom's here.
30
00:01:03,101 --> 00:01:04,434
Come on, Aaron.
Let's hit it.
31
00:01:04,502 --> 00:01:06,603
Ben can cash in
his e-wish later.
32
00:01:06,671 --> 00:01:08,271
Okay, I'm nervous
that I'm not gonna remember.
33
00:01:08,339 --> 00:01:09,506
The whole lesbian protocol.
34
00:01:09,574 --> 00:01:12,475
I mean, I know that
they say "her-story."
35
00:01:12,543 --> 00:01:14,678
Does that mean that something
is "her-storical"?
36
00:01:14,746 --> 00:01:16,914
I mean, do they climb
the "her-malayas"
37
00:01:16,981 --> 00:01:18,248
and sing "herms" in church?
38
00:01:18,316 --> 00:01:19,349
I love lesbians.
39
00:01:19,417 --> 00:01:20,450
I know.
40
00:01:21,635 --> 00:01:24,121
Hey, Christmas at our house was
the best.
41
00:01:24,189 --> 00:01:26,389
The Stellas would
come over with their dogs,
42
00:01:26,457 --> 00:01:28,759
Aunt Julie and Aunt Jane
with their dogs,
43
00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:31,028
and Grandma Althea
and her wife. (Chuckles)
44
00:01:31,096 --> 00:01:35,465
♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year. ♪
45
00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:38,293
I will never ever forget that
time when you all had
46
00:01:38,413 --> 00:01:40,896
too much eggnog and ran out
into the snow naked.
47
00:01:41,016 --> 00:01:42,539
And started making snow angels.
48
00:01:42,607 --> 00:01:45,375
This is fun!
I'm so comfortable.
49
00:01:45,443 --> 00:01:47,211
Mama, you had a
rockin' body back then.
50
00:01:47,278 --> 00:01:48,678
Hey, I still do.
51
00:01:48,747 --> 00:01:50,480
I've lost ten pounds
since last year.
52
00:01:50,548 --> 00:01:51,749
You should see me naked.
53
00:01:51,816 --> 00:01:53,016
- I would love to.
- Mmm.
54
00:01:53,084 --> 00:01:55,285
I don't even think my mom
has a naked body.
55
00:01:55,353 --> 00:01:56,754
(All laugh)
56
00:01:56,821 --> 00:01:59,890
Oh, man, but she did love
to cry in her room. (Chuckles)
57
00:02:02,259 --> 00:02:03,660
(Wry laugh) Anyway...
58
00:02:03,728 --> 00:02:06,162
Mama, how are the ladies
treating you?
59
00:02:06,230 --> 00:02:08,431
Not as good as you, I'm sure.
60
00:02:08,499 --> 00:02:11,401
Well, are you,
are you seeing anybody?
61
00:02:11,469 --> 00:02:13,169
Well, you know how it is.
62
00:02:16,574 --> 00:02:19,042
I haven't seen my mom
this unhappy in all my life.
63
00:02:19,110 --> 00:02:21,445
Did you see her face
when I mentioned women?
64
00:02:21,512 --> 00:02:23,546
Yeah, definite shift.
You think she's lonely?
65
00:02:23,614 --> 00:02:25,215
You, you think my
mom's lonely?
66
00:02:25,283 --> 00:02:26,283
No, I thought that's
67
00:02:26,351 --> 00:02:27,517
where you were gonna go,
68
00:02:27,585 --> 00:02:28,885
so I was just gonna,
like, meet you there.
69
00:02:28,953 --> 00:02:30,454
Man, I should've seen this.
70
00:02:30,521 --> 00:02:32,822
You know, she hasn't dated
anybody since
71
00:02:32,890 --> 00:02:33,957
she and mom broke up.
72
00:02:34,025 --> 00:02:35,892
I know what to do.
73
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,527
Aaron, we gotta
get my mama some ass.
74
00:02:37,595 --> 00:02:39,529
Call every middle-aged
lesbian you know.
75
00:02:39,597 --> 00:02:42,632
Wow. What circles do you think
that I run in?
76
00:02:48,806 --> 00:02:51,008
- Ooh!
- Hmm?
77
00:02:51,075 --> 00:02:52,402
Whaddaya think?
78
00:02:52,522 --> 00:02:53,343
What are we doin' here?
79
00:02:53,411 --> 00:02:54,911
I have a date
with this hot eco guy.
80
00:02:54,979 --> 00:02:56,546
You're doing fine up there.
81
00:02:56,614 --> 00:02:58,048
Why are you stressing
about this?
82
00:02:58,116 --> 00:03:00,550
I really like Derek,
and he's a hardcore breast man.
83
00:03:00,618 --> 00:03:02,486
God, it must be nice
to find a guy
84
00:03:02,553 --> 00:03:04,221
who knows what
to do with them.
85
00:03:04,288 --> 00:03:07,090
Most of 'em are just squeezing
'em like they're produce or...
86
00:03:07,158 --> 00:03:08,525
batting 'em like cat toys.
87
00:03:08,592 --> 00:03:11,261
Or the old classic
"tuning in Tokyo."
88
00:03:11,329 --> 00:03:14,364
(Chuckles)
Well, Derek's not like that.
89
00:03:14,432 --> 00:03:16,533
He treats them
with incredible respect.
90
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,402
Like they're religious
artifacts.
91
00:03:18,469 --> 00:03:19,936
Lucky.
92
00:03:20,004 --> 00:03:21,571
(Cell phone buzzes)
93
00:03:24,742 --> 00:03:26,910
Gotta go.
94
00:03:30,214 --> 00:03:32,449
You might wanna tone down
your rhetoric.
95
00:03:32,517 --> 00:03:33,850
When you're texting a doctor.
96
00:03:33,918 --> 00:03:36,153
I deal with actual emergencies,
in case you forgot.
97
00:03:36,220 --> 00:03:37,354
This is an emergency.
98
00:03:37,422 --> 00:03:39,923
I used my last e-wish
to get a GPS lock.
99
00:03:39,990 --> 00:03:41,358
On Megan's cell phone.
100
00:03:41,426 --> 00:03:42,892
- Oh, that's creepy.
- It's super creepy.
101
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,494
Which is why I need you here.
102
00:03:44,562 --> 00:03:45,628
You know, alone, it's stalking,
103
00:03:45,696 --> 00:03:47,597
with a buddy, it's
like a fun stakeout.
104
00:03:47,665 --> 00:03:49,332
- I'm not having fun.
- Yep, there's Megan.
105
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:50,848
Okay, come on.
Start jogging.
106
00:03:50,968 --> 00:03:51,935
I'm in jeans.
107
00:03:52,002 --> 00:03:53,503
Come on!
108
00:03:53,571 --> 00:03:54,637
Great running session, Sara!
109
00:03:54,705 --> 00:03:58,007
We'll be ready for
that 10k in no time!
110
00:03:58,075 --> 00:03:59,909
Megan?
Megan Harriman?
111
00:04:01,211 --> 00:04:02,712
Nice wing-manning, chief.
112
00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:04,280
Go get yourself a snow cone.
113
00:04:06,617 --> 00:04:08,050
Wow. Really?
114
00:04:08,118 --> 00:04:09,552
You're still giving me nothing?
115
00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:11,053
This is out of control.
116
00:04:11,121 --> 00:04:13,155
I'm sorry.
117
00:04:13,223 --> 00:04:14,223
What's your name?
118
00:04:14,291 --> 00:04:15,224
My name?!
119
00:04:15,292 --> 00:04:16,793
We dated for almost ten weeks!
120
00:04:16,861 --> 00:04:18,060
That's close to my record!
121
00:04:18,128 --> 00:04:19,929
And you can't
even remember my name?
122
00:04:19,997 --> 00:04:21,865
Wow, you have
got some nerve, sister.
123
00:04:21,932 --> 00:04:22,999
You don't understand...
124
00:04:23,066 --> 00:04:24,266
No, I don't understand.
125
00:04:24,334 --> 00:04:25,735
I really liked you, you know?
126
00:04:25,803 --> 00:04:27,036
And you disappeared out
of nowhere.
127
00:04:27,104 --> 00:04:28,838
So, you know,
if you've got an explanation,
128
00:04:28,906 --> 00:04:30,339
hey, I'd love to hear it.
129
00:04:30,407 --> 00:04:31,774
I was run over by a truck,
130
00:04:31,842 --> 00:04:33,242
and now I have trouble
remembering things.
131
00:04:33,310 --> 00:04:36,278
You were run over
by a... wow.
132
00:04:36,346 --> 00:04:39,482
Um, God, that explains a lot.
133
00:04:39,550 --> 00:04:41,384
Wow! You were hit by a truck?
134
00:04:41,451 --> 00:04:43,252
I was hit by a truck?!
No, I don't...
135
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,187
No, wait.
I was hit by a truck.
136
00:04:45,255 --> 00:04:47,256
Oh, cool joke.
137
00:04:47,324 --> 00:04:49,692
So, uh,
we dated for ten weeks, huh?
138
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:50,693
Yeah.
139
00:04:50,761 --> 00:04:52,128
I wish I remembered that.
140
00:04:52,195 --> 00:04:53,362
Anyway, how, how are you?
141
00:04:53,430 --> 00:04:55,331
Pretty good.
I mean, recently.
142
00:04:55,399 --> 00:04:58,601
Last year I was hit by a truck,
so, not a good year.
143
00:04:58,669 --> 00:04:59,903
(Laughs)
144
00:05:01,271 --> 00:05:03,873
Not a joke. Or is it?
145
00:05:04,724 --> 00:05:07,653
Friends with Benefits Season 1 Episode 4
The Benefit of Forgetting
Original Air Date: August 12, 2011
146
00:05:07,773 --> 00:05:09,707
==sync, correction by dcdah==
for www.addic7ed.com
147
00:05:09,827 --> 00:05:12,229
Three different whaling ships
corner this humpback
148
00:05:12,349 --> 00:05:14,382
and all we had was
a two-man raft.
149
00:05:14,450 --> 00:05:16,651
God, so many people talk
about making a difference,
150
00:05:16,719 --> 00:05:18,720
but you are actually
making a difference.
151
00:05:18,788 --> 00:05:19,854
Well...
152
00:05:19,922 --> 00:05:21,389
And that turns me on,
153
00:05:21,457 --> 00:05:22,857
which makes it all worthwhile.
154
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:27,562
- Mmm...
- Mmm...
155
00:05:34,102 --> 00:05:36,404
You have amazing breasts.
156
00:05:36,472 --> 00:05:37,972
I know, right?
157
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,774
(Chuckles)
158
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,678
(Audience whooping, shouting)
159
00:05:47,149 --> 00:05:48,950
Oh!
160
00:05:49,017 --> 00:05:51,753
My man, my man, what's up?! Uh!
161
00:05:51,821 --> 00:05:52,821
Wow.
162
00:05:52,888 --> 00:05:55,323
So this is a lesbian
burlesque club, huh?
163
00:05:55,391 --> 00:05:56,924
- Mm-hmm.
- I like it.
164
00:05:56,992 --> 00:05:58,460
Hey, where's
your middle-aged lesbian?
165
00:05:58,527 --> 00:06:00,829
Okay, I asked my mechanic if she
wanted to date your mom,
166
00:06:00,896 --> 00:06:02,664
and then she told me
she wasn't even gay,
167
00:06:02,732 --> 00:06:03,514
and now she's not my mechanic.
168
00:06:03,634 --> 00:06:05,853
Well, hey, don't worry
about it, man.
169
00:06:05,973 --> 00:06:08,703
There is plenty of talent
in here tonight.
170
00:06:08,771 --> 00:06:11,406
We are gonna have no problem
fixing my mom up.
171
00:06:14,009 --> 00:06:16,244
Oh!
172
00:06:16,311 --> 00:06:18,413
Hey, mama!
173
00:06:18,481 --> 00:06:20,790
I thought it was just
going to be just us.
174
00:06:20,851 --> 00:06:22,451
Nope, we are both here,
175
00:06:22,519 --> 00:06:25,320
both ready to help you get
right back on the lady train.
176
00:06:25,389 --> 00:06:26,655
All "abroad"!
177
00:06:26,723 --> 00:06:27,656
Sorry.
178
00:06:27,724 --> 00:06:29,324
Okay, this isn't the best place.
179
00:06:29,393 --> 00:06:30,426
To have this conversation,
180
00:06:30,494 --> 00:06:32,261
but I can't put it off anymore.
181
00:06:32,328 --> 00:06:34,830
Julian...
182
00:06:34,898 --> 00:06:36,365
I am seeing someone.
183
00:06:36,433 --> 00:06:38,601
(Laughs)
184
00:06:39,302 --> 00:06:40,936
Oh, my God! What...
185
00:06:41,004 --> 00:06:41,937
That's fantastic!
186
00:06:42,005 --> 00:06:43,572
What's her name?
187
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:44,573
Keith.
188
00:06:44,641 --> 00:06:46,975
Keith?
189
00:06:47,044 --> 00:06:48,677
Well, that's a funny name
for a woman.
190
00:06:48,745 --> 00:06:51,013
Of course, I do have
an Aunt Steven, so...
191
00:06:51,081 --> 00:06:52,281
No, honey.
192
00:06:52,349 --> 00:06:54,083
Marsha.
193
00:06:54,151 --> 00:06:55,617
(Smooching)
194
00:06:55,685 --> 00:06:57,653
(Both chuckle)
195
00:06:58,039 --> 00:07:00,389
Julian, I'd like
you to meet Keith.
196
00:07:01,691 --> 00:07:04,993
Uh, good to meet you... Keith.
197
00:07:05,062 --> 00:07:08,564
Oh...!
198
00:07:08,631 --> 00:07:09,698
You're a pre-op.
199
00:07:09,766 --> 00:07:13,202
No. No, I get that all the time.
200
00:07:13,270 --> 00:07:14,636
No, I'm a man.
201
00:07:14,704 --> 00:07:15,971
A man?
202
00:07:16,039 --> 00:07:18,474
Gosh, I wish I didn't have
to say that so often.
203
00:07:19,943 --> 00:07:22,144
Having dinner
with Megan tonight. No big deal.
204
00:07:22,212 --> 00:07:24,346
P.S. Big deal.
205
00:07:24,414 --> 00:07:26,415
Wow! You really like this girl.
206
00:07:26,483 --> 00:07:29,285
So, dazzle me
with your fancy dinner plans.
207
00:07:29,352 --> 00:07:31,120
Mm-mm. I guess I'll put
some pizza in her.
208
00:07:31,188 --> 00:07:33,855
You know, a nice girl
like Megan might want more.
209
00:07:33,923 --> 00:07:36,559
Than a slice of meat lover's and
X-Men 17 or whatever.
210
00:07:36,626 --> 00:07:39,361
X-Men 17. (Snorts)If only.
211
00:07:39,429 --> 00:07:42,998
Would it kill you
to make an effort for once?
212
00:07:43,066 --> 00:07:44,066
Just putting it out there.
213
00:07:44,134 --> 00:07:47,236
You're boring.
Take it sleazy.
214
00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:51,507
Oh, that's a shingle oak.
215
00:07:51,575 --> 00:07:54,643
I spent a weekend chained
to one of those last summer.
216
00:07:54,711 --> 00:07:56,378
We were protesting
deforestation.
217
00:07:56,446 --> 00:07:57,713
I've been chained
to things, too.
218
00:07:57,780 --> 00:07:59,448
But never in protest.
219
00:07:59,516 --> 00:08:00,583
Well, fake protest.
220
00:08:00,650 --> 00:08:02,451
Ooh... (Chuckles)
221
00:08:02,519 --> 00:08:05,721
Well, well, well...
222
00:08:05,788 --> 00:08:07,856
Riley: I know.
Isn't it great.
223
00:08:07,924 --> 00:08:10,559
That breast-feeding in public
isn't taboo anymore?
224
00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:18,501
Okay, we're still doing this.
225
00:08:18,568 --> 00:08:21,303
God, it's just
so damn beautiful.
226
00:08:22,606 --> 00:08:24,006
Look, she's switching!
227
00:08:26,143 --> 00:08:27,209
Oh...
228
00:08:28,311 --> 00:08:30,712
Boy, I'm glad I ran into you.
229
00:08:30,780 --> 00:08:31,813
Oh, me, too.
230
00:08:31,881 --> 00:08:34,316
Thank God for all
my jogging, which I do.
231
00:08:36,219 --> 00:08:38,954
I don't really remember
dating you last time,
232
00:08:39,022 --> 00:08:42,090
but if you're going to take
a girl to a nice restaurant,
233
00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:44,026
a great show...
234
00:08:44,093 --> 00:08:46,728
And your rooftop to talk
until 5:00 in the morning...
235
00:08:46,796 --> 00:08:48,330
You're gonna do
pretty well for yourself.
236
00:08:48,398 --> 00:08:50,533
This time around.
(Chuckles)
237
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,301
(Both moan)
238
00:08:52,369 --> 00:08:53,869
That sounds like
a beautiful date.
239
00:08:53,936 --> 00:08:55,204
I know.
240
00:08:55,272 --> 00:08:57,339
I almost wish we'd actually
done some of that stuff.
241
00:08:57,407 --> 00:08:58,674
Wait. What?
242
00:08:58,741 --> 00:09:00,776
Mm! I was planning on
showing her a great night,
243
00:09:00,843 --> 00:09:02,678
but my boss wanted me
to work late,
244
00:09:02,745 --> 00:09:04,880
so, you know, I didn't have
time to put anything together.
245
00:09:04,947 --> 00:09:06,114
So we just ordered pizza.
246
00:09:06,183 --> 00:09:07,383
And watched Predator 2,
you know.
247
00:09:07,450 --> 00:09:10,219
And you told her you took her
to dinner and a play?
248
00:09:10,287 --> 00:09:12,388
Well, she couldn't
remember what we had done,
249
00:09:12,455 --> 00:09:14,022
so why not have her think.
250
00:09:14,090 --> 00:09:15,191
It was something
super romantic?
251
00:09:15,258 --> 00:09:16,992
Ben, do you realize
how wrong this is?
252
00:09:17,060 --> 00:09:18,160
Wrong. Very, very wrong.
253
00:09:18,228 --> 00:09:19,161
Although...
254
00:09:19,229 --> 00:09:20,629
Oh, God, you're gonna
justify this.
255
00:09:20,697 --> 00:09:21,930
Well, you know, if she thought.
256
00:09:21,998 --> 00:09:23,031
Some of that stuff happened,
257
00:09:23,099 --> 00:09:24,433
who's to say that it didn't?
258
00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:25,801
You know, doors of
perception, whatever.
259
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:28,003
Doors of...
Dude, you're just lazy.
260
00:09:28,071 --> 00:09:29,438
You're right.
You're totally right.
261
00:09:29,506 --> 00:09:31,440
Not gonna happen again.
262
00:09:31,508 --> 00:09:35,811
A spa day, a balloon ride
and ice skating?
263
00:09:35,878 --> 00:09:40,048
Wow. I bet I loved it.
264
00:09:40,116 --> 00:09:42,017
Yeah. You know, it took
forever to plan,
265
00:09:42,085 --> 00:09:46,388
but it was worth it.
266
00:09:46,456 --> 00:09:47,389
Remind me.
267
00:09:47,457 --> 00:09:49,592
Have we had the conversation.
268
00:09:49,659 --> 00:09:52,127
About how I like
to wait a month.
269
00:09:52,195 --> 00:09:53,962
Before I sleep with a guy?
270
00:09:54,030 --> 00:09:56,798
Yes, we have, but that
was six weeks ago.
271
00:09:56,866 --> 00:09:58,400
Oh.
272
00:10:01,404 --> 00:10:02,904
Okay.
(Chuckles)
273
00:10:12,582 --> 00:10:14,316
You lied to Megan again?
274
00:10:14,384 --> 00:10:15,484
Ugh! Dude.
275
00:10:15,552 --> 00:10:18,120
I know!
It's... it's working so well.
276
00:10:18,187 --> 00:10:20,222
You know, I have the
date I want at night,
277
00:10:20,290 --> 00:10:22,991
and then the date she wants in
the morning. Everybody wins.
278
00:10:23,059 --> 00:10:25,628
Listen to me... you need to
stop this, all right?
279
00:10:25,695 --> 00:10:26,962
Putting aside
the obvious moral questions,
280
00:10:27,029 --> 00:10:28,564
it's encouraging all
of your worst impulses:
281
00:10:28,632 --> 00:10:30,332
fear of commitment,
fear of boredom,
282
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,568
intimacy issues disguised
as pickiness.
283
00:10:32,636 --> 00:10:34,403
See, Megan doesn't keep a
mental ledger of everything.
284
00:10:34,471 --> 00:10:35,537
That's wrong with me.
285
00:10:35,605 --> 00:10:37,640
That's why I'm
fake-taking her
286
00:10:37,707 --> 00:10:39,107
to the opera tomorrow night,
287
00:10:39,175 --> 00:10:41,543
- and why no one fake-takes you anywhere.
- Okay, okay,
288
00:10:41,611 --> 00:10:43,158
Ben, I gotta admit, it's
getting a little gross.
289
00:10:43,278 --> 00:10:43,993
Aaron, come on.
290
00:10:44,113 --> 00:10:45,748
If the person that
you're lying to
291
00:10:45,815 --> 00:10:48,717
doesn't know you're lying,
is it really lying?
292
00:10:48,785 --> 00:10:51,320
Yes.
That's the definition of lying.
293
00:10:51,388 --> 00:10:52,721
Riley:
Look, lying happens.
294
00:10:52,789 --> 00:10:54,436
It's crazy out there.
295
00:10:54,556 --> 00:10:55,656
You don't know
what you're saying.
296
00:10:55,724 --> 00:10:56,758
Yeah, see?
297
00:10:56,825 --> 00:10:58,493
I told Derek yesterday
that I compost.
298
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,328
I just don't take out
my garbage.
299
00:11:00,396 --> 00:11:01,596
Wait, are you still
dating boob guy?
300
00:11:01,663 --> 00:11:03,698
Yeah.
He's kind of a weirdo.
301
00:11:03,766 --> 00:11:05,100
We're all weirdos.
302
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:06,902
I don't want to miss out
on a great guy.
303
00:11:06,969 --> 00:11:08,069
Just because he has a kink.
304
00:11:08,137 --> 00:11:09,637
I just want to know
what the kink is.
305
00:11:10,839 --> 00:11:13,008
Aaron, I need to use
your robot thing.
306
00:11:13,075 --> 00:11:14,777
I don't have a robot!
307
00:11:14,897 --> 00:11:16,778
Who is telling you this?
308
00:11:16,845 --> 00:11:18,179
No, no, the thing
from the other day.
309
00:11:18,247 --> 00:11:21,616
You know, the computer wish...
Dork, whatever.
310
00:11:21,683 --> 00:11:24,185
Okay, the "computer wish dork,
whatever" that you're
311
00:11:24,253 --> 00:11:26,854
talking about is what the CIA
uses to keep us safe.
312
00:11:26,923 --> 00:11:28,456
So let's be a little respectful.
313
00:11:28,524 --> 00:11:30,125
His name is Derek Valentine.
314
00:11:30,192 --> 00:11:31,393
You guys have no discipline.
315
00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:32,527
I don't.
316
00:11:36,365 --> 00:11:39,100
Yeah, I got Facebook, gmail...
317
00:11:39,168 --> 00:11:40,101
(Laughs)
318
00:11:40,169 --> 00:11:41,536
Linkedin. Nerd.
319
00:11:41,603 --> 00:11:44,306
Uh, I got credit cards,
gym membership...
320
00:11:44,373 --> 00:11:45,540
Oh.
321
00:11:45,607 --> 00:11:46,541
What?
322
00:11:46,608 --> 00:11:47,608
Says here he's a member
323
00:11:47,676 --> 00:11:49,077
of a group called
La Leche League
324
00:11:49,145 --> 00:11:52,180
which is a group that advocates
breast-feeding babies.
325
00:11:52,248 --> 00:11:53,415
Sara: There's nothing
wrong with that.
326
00:11:53,482 --> 00:11:54,482
Breast-feeding's
a good thing.
327
00:11:54,550 --> 00:11:55,951
Not a lot of single,
328
00:11:56,018 --> 00:11:58,886
childless men into
it, but, whatever.
329
00:11:58,955 --> 00:12:00,521
He posts a lot on
330
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:01,789
breast-feeding message boards.
331
00:12:01,857 --> 00:12:06,027
And his handle is
"the great pump-kin."
332
00:12:06,095 --> 00:12:07,028
What?
333
00:12:07,096 --> 00:12:09,431
I think this guy's
a lac-dater.
334
00:12:09,498 --> 00:12:11,799
- What?
- He's a feeder.
335
00:12:11,867 --> 00:12:13,068
What?
336
00:12:13,135 --> 00:12:14,635
I don't want
to describe this anymore.
337
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,205
He wants to latch on
to your boobs
338
00:12:17,273 --> 00:12:18,739
and make milk
come out of them.
339
00:12:18,807 --> 00:12:21,042
All: - What?
- Come on, that was clear!
340
00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:22,043
Ugh!
341
00:12:25,281 --> 00:12:28,716
I got us reservations at the
fanciest new restaurant in town.
342
00:12:28,784 --> 00:12:30,452
Their food is super-tiny.
343
00:12:30,519 --> 00:12:32,454
Ooh, I love
an amuse-bouche.
344
00:12:32,521 --> 00:12:33,721
(Chuckles)
345
00:12:33,789 --> 00:12:35,423
And, uh, don't worry, mama,
this place has
346
00:12:35,491 --> 00:12:37,758
plenty of high-protein
and low-carb options, too.
347
00:12:37,826 --> 00:12:40,595
Actually, honey, I'm doing
things a little differently now.
348
00:12:40,662 --> 00:12:41,896
It's all about portion control.
349
00:12:41,964 --> 00:12:43,531
Portion control?
350
00:12:43,599 --> 00:12:45,900
Keith's regimen is fun and easy.
351
00:12:45,968 --> 00:12:47,102
And it works, too.
352
00:12:47,169 --> 00:12:48,703
Keith (Chuckles):
Maybe I should call it
353
00:12:48,770 --> 00:12:50,571
"Keith it simple."
354
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:53,074
(Both laugh)
355
00:12:55,211 --> 00:12:58,046
You know what, Keith, take this
from a professional trainer
356
00:12:58,114 --> 00:13:01,483
and an expert nutritionist:
Your slogan sucks.
357
00:13:01,550 --> 00:13:03,751
(Explosive pop,
tires screeching)
358
00:13:03,819 --> 00:13:05,320
Oh, my God!
359
00:13:05,388 --> 00:13:06,754
A blowout?
360
00:13:06,822 --> 00:13:08,390
Yep.
361
00:13:08,457 --> 00:13:10,625
No, no, Fitz, Fitz,
I used to be a mechanic.
362
00:13:10,692 --> 00:13:11,893
Yeah? Yeah?
Well, you know what,
363
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,528
my mom used to be
a lesbian, okay?
364
00:13:13,595 --> 00:13:15,130
So things change, buddy!
365
00:13:15,197 --> 00:13:16,864
Julian!
366
00:13:16,932 --> 00:13:18,433
You're acting like a child!
367
00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:20,235
(Whiny voice):
Nuh-uh! You are.
368
00:13:20,302 --> 00:13:22,470
I did not raise you this way.
369
00:13:22,538 --> 00:13:24,339
Oh, s-so we're gonna
do that now?
370
00:13:24,407 --> 00:13:26,707
Because, let me tell you,
I was raised to believe.
371
00:13:26,775 --> 00:13:29,110
That love was meant to be
between one woman
372
00:13:29,178 --> 00:13:30,778
and one other woman.
373
00:13:30,846 --> 00:13:33,081
And now here you come and
bring this guy into your life.
374
00:13:33,149 --> 00:13:35,850
To burn your fat
and-and fix your tires.
375
00:13:35,918 --> 00:13:37,085
You know, I think we all need
376
00:13:37,153 --> 00:13:38,386
to de-escalate here.
377
00:13:38,454 --> 00:13:40,688
Don't tell me
what I need to do, okay?
378
00:13:40,756 --> 00:13:42,290
You are not my mom.
379
00:13:42,358 --> 00:13:44,526
I mean, my dad.
380
00:13:44,593 --> 00:13:46,428
Oh, God, I am so confused.
381
00:13:51,454 --> 00:13:53,486
Do you have a
breast feeding fetish?
382
00:13:53,612 --> 00:13:54,745
What?!
383
00:13:54,813 --> 00:13:56,113
That is insane.
384
00:13:56,180 --> 00:13:58,482
I don't even... yes.
385
00:13:58,550 --> 00:13:59,984
(Sighs)
386
00:14:00,051 --> 00:14:01,151
Okay.
387
00:14:01,219 --> 00:14:02,419
We can work with this.
388
00:14:02,487 --> 00:14:03,420
Really?
389
00:14:03,488 --> 00:14:04,855
I like you.
390
00:14:04,923 --> 00:14:06,590
And, hey, everybody's into
some weird stuff.
391
00:14:06,658 --> 00:14:08,993
I mean, who hasn't
played "sexy pizza guy"
392
00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:10,561
or "slut at
the rental car place"?
393
00:14:10,629 --> 00:14:12,530
At least you had
the guts to admit it.
394
00:14:12,597 --> 00:14:14,698
So...
395
00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:15,475
How do we start?
396
00:14:15,595 --> 00:14:18,903
Well, uh, we could use a pump.
397
00:14:18,970 --> 00:14:22,907
To induce lactation
and then we can feed directly.
398
00:14:22,974 --> 00:14:25,075
Gotcha.
399
00:14:25,143 --> 00:14:26,076
Awesome.
400
00:14:26,144 --> 00:14:27,144
Great, I'll go get it.
401
00:14:27,211 --> 00:14:29,980
(Chuckles)
402
00:14:30,048 --> 00:14:30,948
(Sighs)
403
00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:38,088
Wait, why are you
taking your shirt off?
404
00:14:38,156 --> 00:14:40,290
Oh, um, I thought I was...
405
00:14:40,358 --> 00:14:41,291
No, no.
406
00:14:41,359 --> 00:14:43,060
Just make yourself comfortable,
407
00:14:43,127 --> 00:14:45,262
and I will see if I can get...
408
00:14:45,329 --> 00:14:48,331
These puppies going.
409
00:14:48,399 --> 00:14:49,499
Okay.
410
00:14:49,568 --> 00:14:52,102
(Pump beeps, quietly whirrs)
411
00:14:53,204 --> 00:14:55,940
(Sensuous chuckle)
412
00:14:56,007 --> 00:14:58,943
Ooh. I'm out of here.
413
00:15:03,648 --> 00:15:05,115
Square.
414
00:15:05,183 --> 00:15:06,984
Hey.
415
00:15:07,052 --> 00:15:09,352
Hope you don't mind doing
a casual pizza-at-home night
416
00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:10,520
for a change.
417
00:15:10,589 --> 00:15:11,922
Not at all.
418
00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:14,058
After the whirlwind dates
you've been taking me on,
419
00:15:14,125 --> 00:15:15,759
I could use a night in.
420
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,595
I even brought a movie.
421
00:15:17,662 --> 00:15:19,997
What'd you get?
422
00:15:20,065 --> 00:15:21,632
What? Battle Royale?
423
00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:23,734
Oh, come on, this is the movie
where the-the middle-school
424
00:15:23,802 --> 00:15:26,003
Japanese kids go to an island,
they all kill each other.
425
00:15:26,071 --> 00:15:27,871
Man, I've been wanting
to see this ever since
426
00:15:27,939 --> 00:15:29,306
I heard it got banned.
That's awesome.
427
00:15:29,373 --> 00:15:30,774
I know, you told
me the other day
428
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:32,142
and it seemed so
important to you
429
00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:34,778
that I didn't want to forget,
so I wrote it down.
430
00:15:36,547 --> 00:15:38,849
Man, you are great.
431
00:15:38,917 --> 00:15:40,117
Man, I suck.
432
00:15:40,184 --> 00:15:42,620
What do you mean?
433
00:15:42,687 --> 00:15:43,854
You are so awesome,
434
00:15:43,922 --> 00:15:46,323
and I'm totally
taking you for granted.
435
00:15:46,390 --> 00:15:49,559
You know what, from now on,
I'm gonna treat you way better.
436
00:15:49,628 --> 00:15:51,161
- Better?
- Mm-hmm.
437
00:15:51,229 --> 00:15:53,363
I don't see how
that's possible.
438
00:15:53,431 --> 00:15:55,332
But you're more than
welcome to try.
439
00:15:56,735 --> 00:15:58,368
(Indigo girls'
"Closer to Fine" playing)
440
00:15:58,436 --> 00:16:01,371
♪ I'm tryin' to tell you
somethin' 'bout my life ♪
441
00:16:01,439 --> 00:16:04,574
♪ maybe give me insight
between black and white... ♪
442
00:16:04,643 --> 00:16:07,111
Tenth birthday party.
443
00:16:07,178 --> 00:16:09,780
Your mama called,
said they're leaving.
444
00:16:09,848 --> 00:16:12,783
Good.
445
00:16:12,851 --> 00:16:16,020
Okay, I don't get it.
446
00:16:16,087 --> 00:16:18,488
Why does this have
you so messed up?
447
00:16:18,556 --> 00:16:20,024
(Sighs) Look, man,
448
00:16:20,091 --> 00:16:23,093
when I was a kid,
there were no other guys around.
449
00:16:23,161 --> 00:16:24,561
I only saw men
450
00:16:24,629 --> 00:16:27,497
maybe once a month, when we got
our propane delivered,
451
00:16:27,565 --> 00:16:29,366
and in the men's room
at Shakey's.
452
00:16:29,433 --> 00:16:31,769
And my mama always said to me,
she said, "Julian,
453
00:16:31,836 --> 00:16:35,438
you are the only man
in my world."
454
00:16:35,506 --> 00:16:37,808
But now she went out
and got herself another man.
455
00:16:37,876 --> 00:16:40,744
So tell me, Aaron,
where does that leave me?
456
00:16:40,812 --> 00:16:44,614
Dude, my parents have
sued each other eight times.
457
00:16:44,683 --> 00:16:47,584
My mother embezzled
from my nursery school.
458
00:16:47,652 --> 00:16:49,787
My father might...
459
00:16:49,854 --> 00:16:52,723
Might... have killed
our housekeeper.
460
00:16:52,791 --> 00:16:55,592
Okay, so it's a little difficult
for me to feel sorry for you
461
00:16:55,660 --> 00:16:58,662
when the only thing that you
have to do is accept the fact.
462
00:16:58,730 --> 00:17:00,130
That your sweet mother,
463
00:17:00,198 --> 00:17:01,565
who loves you,
464
00:17:01,632 --> 00:17:03,967
has found someone
that makes her happy.
465
00:17:04,035 --> 00:17:06,804
I've just...
466
00:17:06,871 --> 00:17:09,539
I've always been the man.
467
00:17:09,607 --> 00:17:14,044
Fitz, there is no universe
in which you are not the man.
468
00:17:14,112 --> 00:17:15,478
Oh, what, honey?
Marsha:
469
00:17:15,546 --> 00:17:16,747
I'm a pretty princess!
470
00:17:16,815 --> 00:17:18,315
Oh! Yes, you are!
471
00:17:18,382 --> 00:17:19,316
(Laughter)
472
00:17:19,383 --> 00:17:22,152
Oh, look at that.
473
00:17:22,220 --> 00:17:24,588
♪ Yeah. ♪
474
00:17:24,655 --> 00:17:25,789
(Song ends)
475
00:17:30,294 --> 00:17:32,662
Julian, what are you doing here?
476
00:17:32,731 --> 00:17:34,098
How did you find us?
477
00:17:34,165 --> 00:17:36,800
Uh, Aaron zoomed in
on your satellite dish.
478
00:17:36,868 --> 00:17:38,668
Anyway, I came here to
say something to you,
479
00:17:38,737 --> 00:17:40,237
and to Keith.
480
00:17:40,304 --> 00:17:41,238
Is he here?
481
00:17:41,305 --> 00:17:43,406
Keith!
482
00:17:46,711 --> 00:17:49,579
Hey.
483
00:17:49,647 --> 00:17:53,483
Oh, the-the mask is just
for sleep, not for sex play.
484
00:17:53,551 --> 00:17:55,953
That would be
an entirely different mask.
485
00:17:57,756 --> 00:17:59,189
Now, what is it?
486
00:17:59,257 --> 00:18:01,892
I came here to say that...
487
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,861
You've given me the world, mama,
488
00:18:03,928 --> 00:18:07,865
and lately I have been
acting like I deserve that.
489
00:18:07,932 --> 00:18:11,301
But truth is, the truth is
you deserve it.
490
00:18:11,369 --> 00:18:13,637
You know, you
deserve to be happy.
491
00:18:13,704 --> 00:18:16,039
And if this weird little dude
right here.
492
00:18:16,107 --> 00:18:19,709
Is what makes you happy,
then... God bless.
493
00:18:19,778 --> 00:18:22,177
I'm actually average
height: Five-eight,
494
00:18:22,297 --> 00:18:23,914
but I appreciate the sentiment.
495
00:18:23,982 --> 00:18:26,650
Oh, come here, you.
496
00:18:26,717 --> 00:18:28,952
(Chuckles)
497
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:31,155
Thank you, Julian.
498
00:18:31,222 --> 00:18:32,122
(Chuckles)
499
00:18:37,395 --> 00:18:39,897
I thought we already
saw Fences.
500
00:18:39,964 --> 00:18:42,532
We did. You know, but you said
you wanted to see it again.
501
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,134
You're the best.
502
00:18:44,202 --> 00:18:47,171
You know what, let's make
this a night we never forget.
503
00:18:47,238 --> 00:18:48,772
Or that you don't, anyway.
504
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,640
Right.
(Chuckles)
505
00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:52,009
Megan.
506
00:18:52,076 --> 00:18:53,576
Hey, I'm home.
507
00:18:54,779 --> 00:18:55,679
Who's this?
508
00:18:56,981 --> 00:18:58,615
Oh, no, not again.
509
00:18:58,683 --> 00:18:59,683
Where's your cell phone?
510
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:00,884
I have a cell phone?
511
00:19:00,952 --> 00:19:02,052
I text you every hour
512
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:03,720
to remind you
that we're together.
513
00:19:03,788 --> 00:19:05,588
Together? Wow.
Who are you?
514
00:19:05,656 --> 00:19:07,691
I'm Steve. I'm her fiancé.
515
00:19:07,758 --> 00:19:09,059
I'm engaged?!
516
00:19:09,127 --> 00:19:10,727
Okay, why should she
believe you? Huh?
517
00:19:10,795 --> 00:19:13,163
How do we know you're not
just some guy she used to date.
518
00:19:13,231 --> 00:19:14,464
Who's taking advantage
of her memory problem?
519
00:19:14,532 --> 00:19:15,765
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
520
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:18,068
Megan, look at the bottom
of your right foot.
521
00:19:18,136 --> 00:19:19,336
Creep.
522
00:19:19,403 --> 00:19:20,838
Okay, let's just go.
That's disgusting.
523
00:19:20,905 --> 00:19:23,440
Thanks, but we're gonna, um...
524
00:19:25,776 --> 00:19:27,110
Oh, right!
525
00:19:27,178 --> 00:19:28,111
Steve!
526
00:19:28,179 --> 00:19:30,080
Baby, I am so sorry.
527
00:19:30,148 --> 00:19:32,182
Megan, what, so I'm just out?
528
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:33,650
Hey, I thought
we had something.
529
00:19:33,718 --> 00:19:35,319
I thought so, too,
but according to.
530
00:19:35,386 --> 00:19:38,055
The bottom of my right foot,
I'm with him, so...
531
00:19:38,122 --> 00:19:40,090
This isn't fair.
532
00:19:40,158 --> 00:19:41,725
You were sleeping
with my fiancée.
533
00:19:41,792 --> 00:19:43,327
The fact that
you're walking out of here
534
00:19:43,394 --> 00:19:44,728
with your teeth
is more than fair.
535
00:19:44,795 --> 00:19:46,296
In fact, I don't think
you are gonna
536
00:19:46,364 --> 00:19:47,664
walk out of here
with your teeth!
537
00:19:47,732 --> 00:19:49,299
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.
538
00:19:49,367 --> 00:19:50,400
Megan, take off your left shoe.
539
00:19:50,468 --> 00:19:51,902
I think that you'll find...
540
00:19:56,207 --> 00:19:57,807
So are things really
over with Megan?
541
00:19:57,876 --> 00:19:59,343
Well, she's getting married
in ten days,
542
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:01,345
so I think we're at least
on a break.
543
00:20:01,412 --> 00:20:02,512
Sorry it didn't work out.
544
00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:03,947
Yeah.
545
00:20:04,015 --> 00:20:05,582
Well, that's not really true.
546
00:20:05,649 --> 00:20:07,517
What you were doing
was kind of creepy.
547
00:20:07,585 --> 00:20:10,420
But your heart was
in the right place.
548
00:20:10,488 --> 00:20:12,356
Although, that's not really
true either.
549
00:20:12,423 --> 00:20:13,357
Oh, come on!
550
00:20:13,424 --> 00:20:14,424
Give me something here.
551
00:20:14,492 --> 00:20:16,826
Okay.
552
00:20:16,895 --> 00:20:18,595
You didn't totally
ruin her life.
553
00:20:19,764 --> 00:20:20,898
There.
554
00:20:20,965 --> 00:20:22,299
That's pretty much all I got.
555
00:20:22,367 --> 00:20:23,733
I mean, it's crazy
how one moment
556
00:20:23,801 --> 00:20:25,035
can change everything for you.
557
00:20:25,103 --> 00:20:27,104
You know, I mean,
what would my life be like.
558
00:20:27,171 --> 00:20:29,006
If my head was
run over by a truck?
559
00:20:29,073 --> 00:20:30,173
Yeah.
560
00:20:30,241 --> 00:20:31,841
Would it really be
all that different?
561
00:20:31,910 --> 00:20:33,777
Yeah, who we kidding?
562
00:20:36,242 --> 00:20:37,208
Eighth birthday, Lincoln Park.
563
00:20:37,276 --> 00:20:39,110
(Kids laughing, screaming
over TV)
564
00:20:41,180 --> 00:20:42,980
(Chuckles)
565
00:20:43,049 --> 00:20:44,882
Hey, man, that bird
just pooped on your cake.
566
00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:45,883
(Laughs)
567
00:20:45,951 --> 00:20:47,152
That's hilarious.
568
00:20:47,219 --> 00:20:48,753
You should submit that to
America's funniest...
569
00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:50,120
(Woman yells)
570
00:20:51,570 --> 00:20:54,722
Man, what's happening? Who is that monster
chasing that poor pigeon?
571
00:20:54,842 --> 00:20:56,085
That's my mom.
572
00:20:58,378 --> 00:20:59,680
She's lying.
573
00:21:00,697 --> 00:21:04,053
(Kids screaming on TV)
574
00:21:04,173 --> 00:21:05,781
I'm gonna be sick.
575
00:21:06,497 --> 00:21:09,466
Friends with Benefits Season 1 Episode 4
==sync, correction by dcdah==
for www.addic7ed.com