1
00:00:01,665 --> 00:00:02,785
so guinness for Ben,
2
00:00:02,819 --> 00:00:04,187
scotch on the rocks for Fitz
3
00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:07,490
and for Aaron... a
strawberry shortcake-tini?
4
00:00:07,524 --> 00:00:10,159
Yes. But make it a virgin,
because I'm on the Vespa.
5
00:00:11,395 --> 00:00:13,029
Okay, you can drink
like a girl now,
6
00:00:13,063 --> 00:00:15,031
but when we get to Mardi Gras,
we're forcing some
7
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:16,665
big boy drinks down
your throat, okay?
8
00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:20,270
- Hey, hey, hey, y'all hear that?
- What?
9
00:00:20,304 --> 00:00:23,306
(Chanting):
Mardi Gras, Mardi Gras...
10
00:00:23,340 --> 00:00:24,473
Both: Mardi Gras,
11
00:00:24,508 --> 00:00:25,574
(Imitating beat box)
Mardi Gras.
12
00:00:25,642 --> 00:00:26,976
When I say Mardi,
13
00:00:27,011 --> 00:00:28,111
you say Gras.
14
00:00:28,145 --> 00:00:29,478
Mardi... both: Gras.
15
00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:30,479
Mardi...
I'm not going.
16
00:00:30,514 --> 00:00:31,480
Gras...
17
00:00:31,515 --> 00:00:33,182
Wha... you have to go.
18
00:00:33,217 --> 00:00:34,683
We're staying
at your parents' house.
19
00:00:34,718 --> 00:00:37,120
Okay, correction:
We're not going.
20
00:00:37,154 --> 00:00:38,354
The problem's not Mardi Gras.
21
00:00:38,389 --> 00:00:40,323
It's my sister's baby shower.
22
00:00:40,357 --> 00:00:42,258
We got into a gigantic fight
last night,
23
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,860
and now there's no way we can
be in the same room together.
24
00:00:44,895 --> 00:00:45,835
What was the fight about?
25
00:00:45,955 --> 00:00:48,279
Let me give you a little history
about me and Grace.
26
00:00:48,399 --> 00:00:50,233
Can I envision this history
with everyone wearing bikinis?
27
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:51,367
Sure.
28
00:00:51,487 --> 00:00:52,479
Thanks.
29
00:00:53,103 --> 00:00:54,537
Sara: See, instead of
taking my advice
30
00:00:54,571 --> 00:00:56,406
and going to college,
Grace decided to get married
31
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:57,974
and knocked up
by John John Taylor,
32
00:00:58,008 --> 00:01:00,176
the assistant to the assistant
at a drive-thru liquor store.
33
00:01:00,210 --> 00:01:02,378
And now I had made
my peace with that.
34
00:01:02,413 --> 00:01:04,580
And then last night,
Grace and my mom call me
35
00:01:04,614 --> 00:01:05,949
and inform me
36
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,683
that since Grace
is having a baby girl,
37
00:01:07,717 --> 00:01:10,519
she's going to get
my grandmother's sapphire ring,
38
00:01:10,554 --> 00:01:13,622
which traditionally has always
gone to the oldest girl... me.
39
00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:16,960
So I calmly explain
my objection,
40
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:19,662
and, long story short, my
sister and I aren't speaking.
41
00:01:19,696 --> 00:01:22,031
Hmm, the bikinis barely
got me through that one.
44
00:01:25,802 --> 00:01:28,104
or possibly biting that dang
ring off my sister's finger.
45
00:01:28,138 --> 00:01:30,173
Right, like Gollum
from Lord Of The Rings.
46
00:01:30,207 --> 00:01:31,874
I don't know what that
is because I'm pretty.
47
00:01:31,908 --> 00:01:35,011
Sara, you'll be fine.
Okay, this is what friends are for.
48
00:01:35,045 --> 00:01:36,203
Yeah, we're going to get you
through this weekend.
49
00:01:36,323 --> 00:01:36,867
Really?
50
00:01:36,987 --> 00:01:40,216
Yeah. We won't let you say
or do anything bad.
51
00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:41,799
We'll be like Tom Cruise's
first publicist.
52
00:01:41,919 --> 00:01:43,460
Mm, he was great.
53
00:01:43,580 --> 00:01:46,655
Okay. I mean, with
enough friends and vodka,
54
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,257
- I can get through anything.
- Yes!
55
00:01:49,059 --> 00:01:50,126
I feel like starting
56
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:51,194
a chant right now.
57
00:01:51,228 --> 00:01:52,962
But I've been burned before.
58
00:01:52,997 --> 00:01:54,630
Oh, go ahead.
59
00:01:54,664 --> 00:01:56,732
When I say Mardi, you say Gras.
60
00:01:56,766 --> 00:01:58,134
- Mardi...
All: - Gras.
61
00:01:58,168 --> 00:01:59,702
- Mardi...
- Gras.
62
00:02:01,005 --> 00:02:03,706
♪ ♪
63
00:02:04,042 --> 00:02:07,006
Friends with Benefits; Season 01, Episode 07
The Benefits of Mardi Gras
Original Air Date: August 26, 2011
64
00:02:07,126 --> 00:02:09,499
==sync, correction by dcdah==
for www.addic7ed.com
65
00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:17,320
♪ going down to Louisiana ♪
66
00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,288
♪ Louisiana, here I come ♪
67
00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:23,526
♪ going down to Louisiana ♪
68
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,895
♪ Louisiana, here I come ♪
69
00:02:27,197 --> 00:02:29,932
♪ they got some pretty little
women there... ♪
70
00:02:29,966 --> 00:02:31,600
Ah, there's my girl!
71
00:02:31,635 --> 00:02:33,336
Hi.
(Laughing)
72
00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:34,803
- Honey.
- Come on in.
73
00:02:34,838 --> 00:02:36,739
Hey, how you doing?
74
00:02:36,773 --> 00:02:39,375
- Hi. Riley.
- Hi.
75
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:41,077
Let me show you all
to your rooms.
76
00:02:41,111 --> 00:02:42,478
- Great.
- All right.
77
00:02:42,513 --> 00:02:43,879
Hey, Grace.
78
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,281
You look really beautiful.
79
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:49,085
You're literally
not speaking to me. Okay.
80
00:02:49,119 --> 00:02:51,087
All right, now come on,
you two, and hug.
81
00:02:51,121 --> 00:02:54,890
There's no problem so big,
it's more important than family.
82
00:02:58,695 --> 00:03:00,063
Your face looks puffy.
83
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,630
Your skin looks blotchy.
84
00:03:02,866 --> 00:03:05,301
Now, see, isn't that better?
85
00:03:05,335 --> 00:03:06,669
(Chuckles)
86
00:03:13,387 --> 00:03:17,846
Oh, thank God I didn't take
Sara's advice and go to college.
87
00:03:17,881 --> 00:03:19,949
My friends are up to their necks
in STDs
88
00:03:19,983 --> 00:03:21,650
and student loans and...
89
00:03:21,685 --> 00:03:25,321
Instead, I'm am carrying this
precious little baby girl.
90
00:03:26,463 --> 00:03:30,693
So, Sara, has your love life
gotten better in Chicago?
91
00:03:30,727 --> 00:03:31,827
Gotten better?
92
00:03:31,861 --> 00:03:32,962
It's gotten awesome.
93
00:03:32,996 --> 00:03:35,664
I just went on a great date
last week.
94
00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:36,699
I'm getting hungry.
95
00:03:36,733 --> 00:03:38,167
You want to get breakfast?
96
00:03:38,202 --> 00:03:39,868
You know what sounds good?
97
00:03:39,903 --> 00:03:41,036
French toast.
98
00:03:41,071 --> 00:03:44,307
Do you like French toast?
99
00:03:44,341 --> 00:03:46,309
Hello?
100
00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:48,511
(Door closes)
Oh, crap!
101
00:03:48,579 --> 00:03:50,146
Well, don't worry.
102
00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:52,181
I'm sure you still have
time to find someone
103
00:03:52,216 --> 00:03:53,716
before it all
shuts down on you.
104
00:03:53,750 --> 00:03:55,384
John John:
Worst-case scenario:
105
00:03:55,419 --> 00:03:58,421
You can get a foreign baby
like that Angelina Jolie.
106
00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:01,890
I mean, you can be 70
and adopt a foreign baby.
107
00:04:01,925 --> 00:04:03,259
There you go.
108
00:04:03,293 --> 00:04:04,293
You could be 70.
109
00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,596
I'm 20 freakin' 8.
110
00:04:06,630 --> 00:04:08,764
I have plenty of
time to find a man.
111
00:04:08,798 --> 00:04:10,166
And when I do,
112
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,067
he's going to be awesome.
Oh, and if he does
113
00:04:12,102 --> 00:04:13,769
have a name like John,
114
00:04:13,803 --> 00:04:15,638
his middle name is going
to be a different name,
115
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:16,739
like Carl.
116
00:04:16,773 --> 00:04:18,107
Sara. Sara: And for the record,
117
00:04:18,142 --> 00:04:20,909
when I do have a kid,
he or she is going to
118
00:04:20,944 --> 00:04:22,945
run circles around
your stupid baby.
119
00:04:24,314 --> 00:04:25,948
(Grace whimpering)
120
00:04:28,385 --> 00:04:31,053
Who's ready for Mardi Gras?
121
00:04:31,121 --> 00:04:33,523
(Imitates horn blowing)
122
00:04:33,557 --> 00:04:36,392
(Dixieland playing)
123
00:04:36,426 --> 00:04:37,960
Man, Mardi Gras.
124
00:04:37,994 --> 00:04:39,895
What a beautiful sight.
125
00:04:39,929 --> 00:04:42,231
Hey, I might get a little
misty-eyed here, fellas.
126
00:04:42,266 --> 00:04:45,234
I mean, the history,
the music, the pageantry.
127
00:04:45,302 --> 00:04:46,435
The boobies.
128
00:04:46,470 --> 00:04:47,637
The boobies.
129
00:04:47,671 --> 00:04:49,605
Whoo-hoo!
130
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,240
- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!
131
00:04:51,275 --> 00:04:53,242
Wow! How do we end this?
132
00:04:53,277 --> 00:04:56,279
- You give me beads. Whoo-hoo!
- Don't have any beads.
133
00:04:56,313 --> 00:04:59,549
Well, I'll hold here while you
go get some, baby. Whoo-hoo!
134
00:04:59,583 --> 00:05:01,050
I don't know
where to get beads.
135
00:05:01,117 --> 00:05:02,618
I don't know what the bead
to breast exchange rate is.
136
00:05:02,653 --> 00:05:04,620
I-I... I-I-I'm...
137
00:05:04,655 --> 00:05:07,923
I have... $20.
138
00:05:07,957 --> 00:05:10,926
What kind of a girl
do you think I am?
139
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,395
Creep.
140
00:05:13,297 --> 00:05:15,231
Uh, okay, we got
a problem here.
141
00:05:15,265 --> 00:05:16,566
We are bead-less
at Mardi Gras.
142
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,334
Okay, that's the third
vendor I've been to,
143
00:05:18,368 --> 00:05:19,569
and they're all sold out.
144
00:05:19,603 --> 00:05:20,570
Guys, chill out.
145
00:05:20,604 --> 00:05:21,870
Tonight is going to be epic.
146
00:05:21,938 --> 00:05:23,739
Besides, you know
I've got your back.
147
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,342
Check it out, boys.
148
00:05:26,376 --> 00:05:28,644
(Crowd whooping and cheering)
149
00:05:31,281 --> 00:05:33,683
Riley, you are a true friend.
150
00:05:33,717 --> 00:05:35,384
Uh, beads here.
Got your beads.
151
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,119
No, please, please,
no, I have a real thing
152
00:05:37,153 --> 00:05:38,854
with sudden nudity.
It's not...
153
00:05:38,888 --> 00:05:40,489
Okay, how are you not
having a good time?
154
00:05:40,524 --> 00:05:42,325
This whole thing makes me
very uncomfortable.
155
00:05:42,392 --> 00:05:44,727
There's breasts and
there's oysters, there's...
156
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,962
A man just yelling
at people from stilts.
157
00:05:46,996 --> 00:05:49,232
What is the organizing
principle here?
158
00:05:49,299 --> 00:05:51,300
Okay, you know what?
159
00:05:51,335 --> 00:05:53,168
Here, Aaron, this
is a hurricane.
160
00:05:53,203 --> 00:05:55,003
Hurricane, this is Aaron.
161
00:05:55,038 --> 00:05:57,640
You two are going to
be very good friends.
162
00:05:57,674 --> 00:05:59,108
To Mardi Gras.
163
00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:02,111
Oh, my goodness!
164
00:06:02,145 --> 00:06:04,046
That smells like my mom
when she kissed me good night.
165
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,047
Wow!
166
00:06:05,081 --> 00:06:07,049
Wow, that is strong
even for me.
167
00:06:07,083 --> 00:06:11,019
I'd better not end up
on Girls Gone Wild.
168
00:06:11,054 --> 00:06:12,955
Mmm. Come on.
169
00:06:12,989 --> 00:06:14,890
I feel terrible
about what I said.
170
00:06:14,924 --> 00:06:16,825
Oh, come on,
don't beat yourself up.
171
00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:19,462
Hey, when I was eight, my little
brother got a new baseball mitt.
172
00:06:19,496 --> 00:06:22,231
I took it and I buried it in the
backyard and never told him.
173
00:06:22,266 --> 00:06:23,399
He was good, too.
174
00:06:23,433 --> 00:06:24,800
Yeah, you were eight.
175
00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:27,169
I'm 28, and I'm acting
like a total baby.
176
00:06:27,203 --> 00:06:29,272
Well, you know, you have
been waiting your whole life
177
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:32,141
for that ring, so it's not
crazy to be a little jealous.
178
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:35,144
There's no way I'm going to be able
to turn things around with Grace.
179
00:06:35,178 --> 00:06:37,550
Or you could totally turn
things around with Grace.
180
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:38,295
How?
181
00:06:38,415 --> 00:06:39,782
Tomorrow at the baby shower,
182
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:42,518
you give the most heartfelt
toast anyone has ever heard.
183
00:06:42,552 --> 00:06:43,686
I don't know.
184
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:44,953
Come on, I've gotten out
185
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:46,822
of some pretty sticky
situations because of a toast.
186
00:06:46,856 --> 00:06:49,392
So here's to Officer Haggar,
187
00:06:49,426 --> 00:06:51,026
a cop among policemen.
188
00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:53,028
Is that an open container?
189
00:06:54,398 --> 00:06:56,699
And now the cop and I
are friends on Facebook.
190
00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:58,334
Well, I can't make
things any worse.
191
00:06:58,368 --> 00:06:59,735
Will you help me?
192
00:06:59,770 --> 00:07:01,003
I'll sit by you and eat.
193
00:07:01,037 --> 00:07:02,204
Perfect.
194
00:07:02,238 --> 00:07:04,540
(Whooping) Hey, all right!
195
00:07:04,574 --> 00:07:06,008
Here you go.
196
00:07:06,042 --> 00:07:07,710
That's from both of us.
197
00:07:07,744 --> 00:07:09,077
Okay, I think I nailed it.
198
00:07:09,112 --> 00:07:11,246
"As the Irish say,
there are good ships
199
00:07:11,281 --> 00:07:12,615
and there are
wood ships, but..."
200
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:14,249
What are you doing?
201
00:07:14,284 --> 00:07:16,051
It took kind of a weird turn
at the end there.
202
00:07:16,085 --> 00:07:17,420
No, what are you doing?
203
00:07:17,454 --> 00:07:19,221
Tell me you're not
eating the King Cake.
204
00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:20,289
Um...
205
00:07:20,324 --> 00:07:22,257
Holy crap, you're
eating the King Cake?
206
00:07:22,292 --> 00:07:24,126
It is kind of the king
of all cakes.
207
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,761
Or are you saying
that I'm the king,
208
00:07:25,796 --> 00:07:26,862
and this is my cake?
209
00:07:26,930 --> 00:07:28,096
No, the King Cake.
210
00:07:28,131 --> 00:07:29,665
You make it
to celebrate Mardi Gras.
211
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:32,435
The baker usually puts a little
trinket in there for someone to find.
212
00:07:32,469 --> 00:07:33,936
Only in this case...
213
00:07:33,970 --> 00:07:35,838
So, we're gonna put
grandma's ring
214
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,440
right into the king cake.
215
00:07:37,474 --> 00:07:39,007
And then we're
going to make sure
216
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,075
I get the right piece.
217
00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:41,143
Isn't that fun?
218
00:07:41,177 --> 00:07:42,945
So fun.
219
00:07:44,748 --> 00:07:47,550
Okay, okay, we'll just
cut off the piece you ate
220
00:07:47,584 --> 00:07:48,951
and cover it with frosting.
221
00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:50,653
No one will ever know.
222
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,154
Yeah, that's a good plan.
223
00:07:52,188 --> 00:07:54,990
It's just, um, you know, the
piece I ate was all of it.
224
00:07:55,024 --> 00:07:56,959
The ring's inside you?
225
00:07:56,993 --> 00:07:58,627
I don't know.
You're the doctor.
226
00:07:58,662 --> 00:07:59,829
Oh!
227
00:08:01,168 --> 00:08:03,110
How could you swallow the
ring without knowing it?
228
00:08:03,230 --> 00:08:04,889
I can't explain my process,
229
00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:06,051
I was in the zone.
230
00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:24,802
People are getting here
at noon tomorrow.
231
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,304
What are we going to do?
232
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,637
All right, you are going to bake
a new cake tomorrow morning...
233
00:08:28,757 --> 00:08:31,309
- Yeah?
- I'm gonna pass that ring.
234
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,512
That is the craziest idea
you've ever had.
235
00:08:34,546 --> 00:08:35,546
What? No, no.
236
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,482
I've had way crazier ideas.
237
00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:41,186
I just think he'll be more
fun than a dog. (Oinking)
238
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,188
It's going to be awesome.
239
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,561
Ah!
Let's go to the shooting range.
240
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:51,997
What if it
doesn't come in time?
241
00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,031
Not a problem.
242
00:08:53,065 --> 00:08:54,632
See, this is where
I save the day.
243
00:08:54,666 --> 00:08:56,901
I am so regular that if
I was a superhero,
244
00:08:56,935 --> 00:08:58,370
I would be Craptain America.
245
00:08:58,404 --> 00:08:59,471
But just in case.
246
00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:04,642
You are going to take
a Tri-Delt's best friend.
247
00:09:04,676 --> 00:09:05,977
All right.
248
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,712
But just so you know,
this is a little insulting
249
00:09:07,832 --> 00:09:09,981
for a man of my
talents. For real.
250
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,316
All right.
251
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:12,650
Mmm!
252
00:09:15,921 --> 00:09:17,688
What?
253
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,224
I want another hurricane!
254
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:22,327
Because New Orleans
needs more hurricanes!
255
00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:23,495
I love drunk Aaron.
256
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:24,662
He should get off Prozac
257
00:09:24,696 --> 00:09:26,031
and just become
a straight-up alcoholic.
258
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,598
Open up a tab.
259
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:29,267
You're crazy.
260
00:09:29,301 --> 00:09:31,069
Riley, I'm liberated.
261
00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:33,838
I want to say all the things
that are on my mind
262
00:09:33,872 --> 00:09:35,373
that I truly feel.
263
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,974
Like, right now.
264
00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:38,876
Fitz:
Hey, hey, hey, Riley.
265
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,878
Oyster shots. Now.
266
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,147
Hold that thought, Aaron.
267
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:43,521
Fitz has been blabbing
about oyster shots all night.
268
00:09:43,641 --> 00:09:44,768
I'll be right back.
269
00:09:46,985 --> 00:09:48,286
I don't know, I'm
not big on oysters.
270
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:49,521
Come on, Riley.
271
00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:50,922
You make a good point.
Let's do it.
272
00:09:50,956 --> 00:09:53,991
All right, three in a row.
Ready... go.
273
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:06,771
Flash me if you must;
I am not afraid anymore.
274
00:10:06,805 --> 00:10:09,574
Riley, ho! Hey, Riley.
275
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:12,177
So, where was I?
276
00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:16,581
Ah, yes. I was going to say
that among all the thousands
277
00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:20,485
of scantily clad women from all
over the world that are here,
278
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:23,654
you are the most
beautiful woman inside.
279
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:25,490
Oh, that's so sweet.
280
00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:27,992
So, here's what's
going to happen.
281
00:10:28,026 --> 00:10:31,596
First, I'm going to
lean in for a kiss.
282
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:34,632
Then you are going to
lean in for a kiss.
283
00:10:34,666 --> 00:10:37,001
And then we are going
to meet right...
284
00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:39,704
There.
285
00:10:39,738 --> 00:10:41,139
Okay?
286
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,007
We'll let God do the rest.
287
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:46,144
Whatever you say.
288
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,913
Hey, check it out.
Look who got some liquid courage.
289
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,717
(Chuckles)
290
00:10:52,751 --> 00:10:55,520
Hey, that girl kind
of looks like you.
291
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,989
Yeah, maybe if
you're plastered.
292
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,827
Whoa.
What?
293
00:11:02,861 --> 00:11:04,729
My tummy feels really weird.
294
00:11:04,763 --> 00:11:06,164
Uh-oh. We'd better...
Hey, wait, wait.
295
00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:07,732
(Stammers) It's over here.
296
00:11:07,766 --> 00:11:08,899
Come on.
297
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,171
(Door opens)
298
00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:17,141
(Repressed retching)
I'm not going to make it.
299
00:11:17,175 --> 00:11:17,903
Yeah, you have to make it.
300
00:11:18,023 --> 00:11:20,234
You know how hard it is to
get oyster out of carpet?
301
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,969
This feels so right.
302
00:11:29,004 --> 00:11:30,971
I totally agree.
303
00:11:56,164 --> 00:11:57,865
(Exhales sharply)
304
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:00,601
What's up?
305
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:01,903
I got to get in there.
306
00:12:01,937 --> 00:12:03,137
That's not going to happen, bro.
307
00:12:03,171 --> 00:12:04,505
No, this is an emergency.
308
00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:05,773
Yeah, so is this.
309
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,408
Riley is ear-deep
in the toilet bowl right now.
310
00:12:07,443 --> 00:12:08,776
Damn.
Where's the other bathroom?
311
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,678
I don't know. Probably in
Sara's parents' bedroom.
312
00:12:10,712 --> 00:12:12,313
Damn! What am I gonna do?
313
00:12:12,347 --> 00:12:13,648
I took a laxative.
314
00:12:13,682 --> 00:12:14,649
Why'd you do that?
315
00:12:14,683 --> 00:12:15,817
To help Sara.
316
00:12:15,851 --> 00:12:18,152
Man, your thing is messed up.
317
00:12:18,186 --> 00:12:20,588
(Groans)
318
00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:40,608
(Sighs)
319
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:48,616
Who is that?
320
00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:50,718
Hey. It's Ben.
321
00:12:50,752 --> 00:12:52,353
(Chuckling):
Oh. Hey, Ben.
322
00:12:52,387 --> 00:12:53,521
Hey.
323
00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:54,722
Early riser, huh?
324
00:12:54,756 --> 00:12:57,492
Yeah. Just, you know,
some stuff I wanted to do.
325
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:58,826
Oh.
326
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,294
You're up, which means
your wife's up.
327
00:13:00,328 --> 00:13:01,629
And she's not in the bathroom?
328
00:13:01,663 --> 00:13:03,664
Well, now,
that's a tad personal.
329
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,399
But no, no, she's sleeping.
330
00:13:05,433 --> 00:13:07,034
Okay. Good talk.
331
00:13:07,068 --> 00:13:09,169
Uh, do you ever think
about time, Ben?
332
00:13:09,204 --> 00:13:10,972
Not really. I'll see you around.
333
00:13:11,006 --> 00:13:12,039
Uh, have a seat, Ben.
334
00:13:14,009 --> 00:13:16,711
You know, just yesterday,
335
00:13:16,745 --> 00:13:18,613
Grace was just a
little girl, and...
336
00:13:18,647 --> 00:13:20,381
and now she's
gonna be a mama.
337
00:13:20,415 --> 00:13:23,050
Wow. And...
And I'm gonna be a granddad.
338
00:13:23,084 --> 00:13:24,385
So cool.
339
00:13:24,419 --> 00:13:28,355
I just have all these
feelings building up inside.
340
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:31,158
I... I feel like
I'm gonna explode.
341
00:13:31,192 --> 00:13:33,093
Ooh. I'm right there with you.
Yep.
342
00:13:33,128 --> 00:13:35,029
Coffee, Ben?
No. No. Uh-uh.
343
00:13:35,063 --> 00:13:36,531
Thank you.
344
00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,232
(Pants, shudders)
345
00:13:43,420 --> 00:13:46,098
Okay, so I'm almost done
with the dough.
346
00:13:46,189 --> 00:13:48,557
So... drop the ring into
this cup of peroxide,
347
00:13:48,592 --> 00:13:50,292
and let's not make eye contact.
348
00:13:50,326 --> 00:13:52,595
- I don't have a ring for you.
- What?
349
00:13:52,629 --> 00:13:55,163
Your dad wanted to bond with me,
so I missed my window.
350
00:13:55,198 --> 00:13:57,299
What happened to
Craptain America?
351
00:13:57,333 --> 00:13:59,201
Well, he turned
into Mr. Freeze.
352
00:13:59,235 --> 00:14:00,669
No, no, no, no, no.
353
00:14:00,704 --> 00:14:02,638
This is not happening.
I need that ring, Ben.
354
00:14:02,672 --> 00:14:04,339
I already called
Grace's baby stupid,
355
00:14:04,373 --> 00:14:05,941
and I don't think there's
a toast in the world
356
00:14:05,976 --> 00:14:08,143
that's gonna make up for you
eating a three-carat sapphire.
357
00:14:08,177 --> 00:14:09,478
Well, what are you going to do,
358
00:14:09,512 --> 00:14:11,046
carve it out of me
with a spatula?
359
00:14:11,081 --> 00:14:13,181
No. I did bring
my medical kit.
360
00:14:13,216 --> 00:14:14,549
What's your pain threshold?
361
00:14:14,584 --> 00:14:15,818
Oh, come on.
You know what?
362
00:14:18,488 --> 00:14:21,490
Yeah. Whatever happens
next is on you.
363
00:14:21,524 --> 00:14:23,092
I'm fine with that.
364
00:14:23,126 --> 00:14:24,693
Aaron:
Hey.
365
00:14:24,728 --> 00:14:26,829
Hey.
There you are.
366
00:14:26,863 --> 00:14:29,164
(Grunts) Wow.
367
00:14:29,198 --> 00:14:31,166
What an amazing night.
368
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,035
I had such a great time.
369
00:14:33,069 --> 00:14:34,903
I didn't.
You didn't?
370
00:14:34,938 --> 00:14:37,339
The whole thing
was just really disgusting.
371
00:14:38,908 --> 00:14:43,012
Wow. I kind of hoped that you'd
had as good a time as I did.
372
00:14:43,046 --> 00:14:44,847
Ew. Not even close.
373
00:14:44,881 --> 00:14:47,182
As soon as I got back,
the vomiting started.
374
00:14:47,216 --> 00:14:48,684
You know what?
I finally know
375
00:14:48,718 --> 00:14:50,819
what it means to truly regret
something in life.
376
00:14:50,854 --> 00:14:53,221
That seems extreme.
377
00:14:53,256 --> 00:14:55,590
Hey, Fitz.
How was your night?
378
00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:58,560
It was okay, relatively.
379
00:14:58,594 --> 00:15:00,996
I just felt bad
for Riley, though.
380
00:15:01,031 --> 00:15:02,230
She told you about last night?
381
00:15:02,265 --> 00:15:04,199
Told me? Man, I was
there the whole time.
382
00:15:04,233 --> 00:15:05,934
What?
383
00:15:05,969 --> 00:15:08,037
Yeah. I mean, somebody
had to hold her hair
384
00:15:08,071 --> 00:15:10,005
and rub her back to
get her through it.
385
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,473
Okay. I have to say, guys,
386
00:15:11,507 --> 00:15:13,608
this is really starting
to hurt my feelings.
387
00:15:13,643 --> 00:15:14,810
How is this about you?
388
00:15:14,844 --> 00:15:16,879
I was the one bent over
and crying all night.
389
00:15:16,913 --> 00:15:18,280
Because I was there!
390
00:15:18,314 --> 00:15:19,614
Well, if you were there,
I could not tell.
391
00:15:19,649 --> 00:15:21,416
Man!
392
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:26,454
Oh, man. I can't believe
this is happening.
393
00:15:26,489 --> 00:15:29,457
What if... what if I
never do it again?
394
00:15:29,492 --> 00:15:31,960
This is going to be
the best baby shower.
395
00:15:31,995 --> 00:15:33,428
What are you doing?
396
00:15:33,462 --> 00:15:35,197
What are you doing?
397
00:15:35,231 --> 00:15:36,565
Are you making a cake?
398
00:15:36,599 --> 00:15:38,633
But... but, sweetie,
we already have the ca...
399
00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:41,603
Sara, what happened
to the king cake?
400
00:15:41,637 --> 00:15:43,172
Where is my ring?
401
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,607
There was a robbery.
402
00:15:45,641 --> 00:15:46,742
The recession.
403
00:15:46,776 --> 00:15:48,110
Voodoo people.
404
00:15:48,144 --> 00:15:50,545
No. No. I...
I ate the ring.
405
00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:51,814
(Gasps)
406
00:15:51,848 --> 00:15:53,648
Sara, how could you?
407
00:15:53,683 --> 00:15:55,184
Me?
408
00:15:55,218 --> 00:15:56,551
He confessed.
409
00:15:56,619 --> 00:15:57,720
I did nothing.
410
00:15:57,754 --> 00:15:59,254
I was just writing
a stupid toast
411
00:15:59,288 --> 00:16:00,756
so you wouldn't be mad at me,
412
00:16:00,790 --> 00:16:02,124
and Ben accidentally
ate the ring.
413
00:16:02,158 --> 00:16:04,326
Oh, like you didn't
put him up to it.
414
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:05,393
Yes, you're right.
415
00:16:05,428 --> 00:16:06,628
I came down to Louisiana
416
00:16:06,662 --> 00:16:08,430
to smuggle the ring
back inside Ben.
417
00:16:08,464 --> 00:16:10,265
You know, I was going to put it
418
00:16:10,299 --> 00:16:12,801
in a box or a bag,
but then I thought
419
00:16:12,836 --> 00:16:15,303
Ben's colon would be
so much more diabolical.
420
00:16:15,338 --> 00:16:16,805
Well, I hope you're happy, Sara,
421
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,241
because you have ruined
my baby shower,
422
00:16:19,275 --> 00:16:21,476
you-you ruined grandma's ring,
and you...
423
00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:23,979
Oh, my God.
Something's happening.
424
00:16:24,013 --> 00:16:25,614
Oh, my God.
Something's happening.
425
00:16:25,648 --> 00:16:26,815
- What?
- What?
426
00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:28,751
- Sara, what's going on?
- Your water just broke.
427
00:16:28,785 --> 00:16:30,085
You're going into labor.
428
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,620
And you...
What?
429
00:16:31,654 --> 00:16:32,921
Drank an entire bottle
of laxative.
430
00:16:32,956 --> 00:16:34,757
I have no idea
what's going to happen to you.
431
00:16:34,791 --> 00:16:36,424
Grace, you're coming with me.
432
00:16:36,459 --> 00:16:39,094
Ben, go use the bathroom
in the garage.
433
00:16:39,129 --> 00:16:41,263
There's a bathroom
in the garage?
434
00:16:49,472 --> 00:16:50,973
Aaron, why are you
acting so weird?
435
00:16:51,007 --> 00:16:52,641
You're the one who
got lucky last night.
436
00:16:53,743 --> 00:16:55,343
Well, I can't really
enjoy myself
437
00:16:55,378 --> 00:16:57,312
if the person
that I got lucky with
438
00:16:57,346 --> 00:16:59,014
spent the rest
of the evening vomiting.
439
00:16:59,048 --> 00:17:00,348
Oh, my God. She did?
440
00:17:00,383 --> 00:17:02,651
I understand that we're
in the South, but why are you
441
00:17:02,685 --> 00:17:04,552
talking about yourself
in the third person?
442
00:17:04,587 --> 00:17:06,321
Aaron!
443
00:17:06,355 --> 00:17:07,890
I'm here.
444
00:17:07,924 --> 00:17:09,224
Hi.
445
00:17:09,259 --> 00:17:10,000
- Hi.
- Hi.
446
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:10,573
Hi.
447
00:17:10,693 --> 00:17:12,161
Gosh, it's good to see you.
448
00:17:13,496 --> 00:17:14,629
Who are you?
449
00:17:14,664 --> 00:17:15,964
I'm Caroline.
450
00:17:15,999 --> 00:17:17,966
I mean, you called
me Riley all night,
451
00:17:18,001 --> 00:17:20,803
but I figured that was
just your pet name for me.
452
00:17:20,837 --> 00:17:23,405
I called you... you...
453
00:17:23,439 --> 00:17:25,507
So I thought that you...
454
00:17:25,541 --> 00:17:27,810
Oh, gosh!
This is a relief.
455
00:17:27,844 --> 00:17:30,212
And totally awful.
Oh, man.
456
00:17:30,246 --> 00:17:35,483
So... so you came here to...
Meet me...
457
00:17:35,518 --> 00:17:37,619
Because you told me all
about the baby shower,
458
00:17:37,653 --> 00:17:39,387
- and I promised to be here.
- Right.
459
00:17:39,422 --> 00:17:41,256
And that means that last night,
Riley, you...
460
00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:42,457
Puked up oyster shots.
461
00:17:42,525 --> 00:17:45,260
Oh, that is the
best news ever.
462
00:17:45,295 --> 00:17:46,929
Oh, God. Okay.
463
00:17:46,963 --> 00:17:47,401
Riley.
464
00:17:47,521 --> 00:17:47,977
- Yes?
- Yeah?
465
00:17:48,097 --> 00:17:49,531
No. Sorry.
Caroline.
466
00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:51,033
- Yeah.
- Come with me for a second.
467
00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:53,435
What a...
What a great situation.
468
00:17:53,469 --> 00:17:55,070
Gosh.
469
00:17:56,439 --> 00:17:59,174
Wow. Last night was
really incredible.
470
00:17:59,209 --> 00:18:00,508
(Both laughing)
471
00:18:00,543 --> 00:18:02,644
And I'm going to say this
472
00:18:02,678 --> 00:18:06,781
as honestly and politely
as I can.
473
00:18:06,816 --> 00:18:09,184
I don't remember
ever meeting you
474
00:18:09,252 --> 00:18:11,220
or who you are
475
00:18:11,254 --> 00:18:13,421
or anything about you.
476
00:18:14,623 --> 00:18:17,459
Can I at least keep the puppy?
477
00:18:17,493 --> 00:18:19,594
- Yes.
- Great.
478
00:18:22,332 --> 00:18:24,466
Smooth. Very smooth.
479
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,735
Just keep breathing
the way I showed you.
480
00:18:26,769 --> 00:18:28,536
I don't need you to tell me
when to get married,
481
00:18:28,571 --> 00:18:30,638
and I don't need you to tell me
how to breathe, dang it!
482
00:18:30,673 --> 00:18:31,740
Sara:
Fine. Don't breathe.
483
00:18:31,774 --> 00:18:33,108
But I need you to push.
484
00:18:33,142 --> 00:18:34,542
No! I don't want to!
485
00:18:34,577 --> 00:18:36,111
Well, you're starting to crown.
If you don't push,
486
00:18:36,145 --> 00:18:38,046
you're going to walk around
for the rest of your life
487
00:18:38,081 --> 00:18:39,281
with a baby head
between your legs.
488
00:18:39,315 --> 00:18:42,050
I'm out.
I'm out!
489
00:18:45,088 --> 00:18:47,622
Just, for once in your life,
can you listen to me?
490
00:18:47,656 --> 00:18:49,157
- I'm a doctor.
- I know!
491
00:18:49,192 --> 00:18:52,294
Okay? Everyone in the whole town
knows you're a bleeping doctor,
492
00:18:52,328 --> 00:18:54,997
and I'm just the dumb hick
with a GED
493
00:18:55,031 --> 00:18:56,932
and a quote/unquote
"stupid baby."
494
00:18:56,966 --> 00:18:58,066
I'm sorry.
495
00:18:58,101 --> 00:18:59,634
I said that because I'm jealous.
496
00:18:59,702 --> 00:19:01,103
You are?
497
00:19:01,137 --> 00:19:02,637
Of course, I am.
498
00:19:02,671 --> 00:19:06,108
Sara, be more specific.
499
00:19:06,142 --> 00:19:09,111
Um, you're beautiful,
500
00:19:09,145 --> 00:19:10,345
you're in love,
501
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:13,181
and you're going
to have a family.
502
00:19:13,216 --> 00:19:15,384
Hold on.
We got company.
503
00:19:15,451 --> 00:19:18,420
All right,
this is it, Grace. Push.
504
00:19:18,454 --> 00:19:20,088
(Grunting):
I love you!
505
00:19:20,156 --> 00:19:22,291
I love you, too.
506
00:19:22,325 --> 00:19:23,525
I'm out.
507
00:19:23,559 --> 00:19:24,626
Out again.
508
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:26,461
Oh!
509
00:19:26,495 --> 00:19:28,530
Now, this
is my first baby shower.
510
00:19:28,564 --> 00:19:30,132
That I'm aware of.
511
00:19:30,166 --> 00:19:31,766
(Chuckling)
512
00:19:31,801 --> 00:19:33,768
How could you have thought
that girl was me?
513
00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:35,603
Well, in my defense,
I also thought
514
00:19:35,638 --> 00:19:37,906
that the guy dressed as an
alligator was an alligator.
515
00:19:37,974 --> 00:19:40,242
He eventually talked
me out of it.
516
00:19:42,645 --> 00:19:46,014
Everybody, I'd like y'all
to meet my first grandbaby.
517
00:19:46,049 --> 00:19:47,349
Isn't she beautiful?
518
00:19:47,383 --> 00:19:48,951
She looks just like me
519
00:19:48,985 --> 00:19:50,452
before I got this haircut.
520
00:19:50,519 --> 00:19:53,221
My Gracie did such
a great job.
521
00:19:53,256 --> 00:19:55,057
Grace: Well, I couldn't
have done anything
522
00:19:55,091 --> 00:19:56,425
without my big sister.
523
00:19:56,459 --> 00:19:57,826
Aw.
524
00:19:57,860 --> 00:19:59,894
That's true, but...
525
00:19:59,929 --> 00:20:01,863
I'm so happy for you.
526
00:20:01,897 --> 00:20:03,731
And I'm an aunt.
527
00:20:03,766 --> 00:20:05,867
Aunt Sara.
528
00:20:05,901 --> 00:20:07,769
Old Aunt Sara.
529
00:20:07,803 --> 00:20:09,704
You are not old, okay?
530
00:20:09,738 --> 00:20:12,574
You see, all those women on
Sex And The City are like 50,
531
00:20:12,641 --> 00:20:14,909
and they're still carrying
on like the world's on fire.
532
00:20:14,944 --> 00:20:16,578
(Chuckles)
533
00:20:16,612 --> 00:20:19,014
Hi, baby.
534
00:20:19,048 --> 00:20:21,616
I know you're sleeping, but...
535
00:20:21,650 --> 00:20:24,786
Remember, if a guy
on match.com
536
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:26,188
tells you he's an entrepreneur,
537
00:20:26,222 --> 00:20:30,092
he will rob your apartment.
538
00:20:38,161 --> 00:20:40,762
Everybody, I got it.
539
00:20:40,797 --> 00:20:43,398
Wow. You just officially ruined
Lord Of The Rings for me.
540
00:20:43,433 --> 00:20:44,733
I soaked it in peroxide,
541
00:20:44,767 --> 00:20:46,101
and then I poured
bleach all over it,
542
00:20:46,136 --> 00:20:47,970
then I cleaned it,
and then I got sick,
543
00:20:48,004 --> 00:20:49,604
and then I laid
there for a while.
544
00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:52,241
But, Grace, I want
to give this to you.
545
00:20:52,309 --> 00:20:54,576
You know, Sara, I think that
you should really have it.
546
00:20:54,610 --> 00:20:56,145
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
547
00:20:56,179 --> 00:20:57,446
Mom wants you to have it.
548
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,748
Yeah, but she should
have given it to you.
549
00:20:59,782 --> 00:21:02,318
Hey, ladies, I moved heaven and
earth to get this thing out,
550
00:21:02,352 --> 00:21:04,854
okay, so it's going on the
finger of a pretty lady.
551
00:21:06,022 --> 00:21:07,089
I'll take it.
552
00:21:08,502 --> 00:21:09,422
Oh.
553
00:21:09,831 --> 00:21:11,994
==sync, correction by dcdah==
for www.addic7ed.com