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00:00:01,709 --> 00:00:04,477
NARRATOR: Kids, if there's one
big theme to this story--
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00:00:04,531 --> 00:00:06,632
and I swear,
we're totally, almost,
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00:00:06,634 --> 00:00:09,134
not really all that close
to the end-- it's timing.
4
00:00:09,648 --> 00:00:10,945
Timing is everything.
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00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:13,053
For example, I never
would met your mother
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00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,486
if it weren't for a wedding.
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00:00:14,488 --> 00:00:17,406
The last wedding
I ever thought I'd be at.
8
00:00:17,408 --> 00:00:20,075
What do you think of this tie?
9
00:00:20,077 --> 00:00:21,326
Oh, thank God.
10
00:00:21,328 --> 00:00:23,112
Barney Stinson needs you
right before his wedding,
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00:00:23,114 --> 00:00:25,697
you assume there's at least
one dead hooker in the closet,
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00:00:25,699 --> 00:00:26,731
right?
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00:00:26,733 --> 00:00:29,201
(chuckling)
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00:00:31,037 --> 00:00:33,288
Is this one better?
15
00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:35,791
Look, the tie is great, and,
you know, it's perfectly normal
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00:00:35,793 --> 00:00:37,576
to have some
pre-wedding jitters.
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00:00:37,578 --> 00:00:39,244
I'm not having jitters.
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00:00:39,246 --> 00:00:40,763
It just occurs to me
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00:00:40,765 --> 00:00:43,715
that once I put this tie on,
I can never take it off.
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00:00:43,717 --> 00:00:46,552
I have to wear this tie
forever and ever.
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00:00:46,554 --> 00:00:48,137
And sure, this tie's skinny now,
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00:00:48,139 --> 00:00:50,856
but what happens if it gets fat
and starts bossing me around?
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00:00:50,858 --> 00:00:52,391
Did I make a mistake?
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00:00:52,393 --> 00:00:54,893
Would I have been happier
with the other tie?
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00:00:56,446 --> 00:00:59,815
Ted, can I tell you
a big secret?
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00:00:59,817 --> 00:01:01,784
Yeah, of course.
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00:01:02,768 --> 00:01:05,154
I'm not really talking
about the tie.
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00:01:05,156 --> 00:01:06,622
No, I got that, Barney.
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00:01:06,624 --> 00:01:10,125
I wonder if this whole
thing's a disaster.
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00:01:10,127 --> 00:01:12,911
What if this is
the worst wedding ever?
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00:01:12,913 --> 00:01:14,079
Not possible.
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00:01:14,081 --> 00:01:15,798
We've already been
to the worst wedding ever.
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00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,916
Punchy's wedding.
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00:01:17,918 --> 00:01:20,586
Marshall really took
a two flusher on that one.
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00:01:20,588 --> 00:01:22,604
The story of how
Uncle Marshall ruined
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00:01:22,606 --> 00:01:24,173
my friend Punchy's wedding
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00:01:24,175 --> 00:01:26,225
starts in September, 2011.
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00:01:26,227 --> 00:01:28,760
Punchy had asked me
to be his best man.
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00:01:28,762 --> 00:01:29,812
Hey.
Hey.
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00:01:29,814 --> 00:01:31,430
Guys, before we go,
would you mind
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00:01:31,432 --> 00:01:32,764
reading my wedding toast?
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00:01:35,102 --> 00:01:37,319
All right.
Whoa.
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00:01:38,137 --> 00:01:40,772
There's a few
different versions.
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00:01:40,774 --> 00:01:43,158
Ted, why are you working
so hard on this toast?
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00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,660
Punchy belched his proposal
48
00:01:44,662 --> 00:01:46,662
through a karaoke mic
at a bowling alley.
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00:01:46,664 --> 00:01:48,614
Okay, look, I've never
told you guys this,
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00:01:48,616 --> 00:01:52,117
but over the years, a few
of my old high school buddies
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00:01:52,119 --> 00:01:54,369
have asked me
to give wedding toasts,
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00:01:54,371 --> 00:01:58,674
and they haven't gone great.
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00:01:58,676 --> 00:02:01,510
Somehow those weddings
all fell smack-dab
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00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:03,679
in the worst moments
of my life.
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00:02:03,681 --> 00:02:06,715
Joel and Mora's love
is a beautiful thing.
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00:02:06,717 --> 00:02:09,818
(voice breaking):
I thought I had that...
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00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:13,689
till my fiancée left me
at the altar last week.
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00:02:13,691 --> 00:02:16,758
I was asked not to talk
about this, so I won't.
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00:02:20,263 --> 00:02:23,298
I sit outside her house
at night sometimes.
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00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:26,502
She got a haircut.
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00:02:26,504 --> 00:02:28,737
After I lost my job last week,
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00:02:28,739 --> 00:02:31,073
uh, I was asked not
to give this toast...
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00:02:31,075 --> 00:02:32,541
No, no, no!
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00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:34,409
The happy couple
needs to hear this.
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00:02:34,411 --> 00:02:36,445
Things end.
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00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:40,082
But from the ashes of your
statistically probable divorce,
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00:02:40,084 --> 00:02:43,085
hope can rise anew.
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00:02:43,087 --> 00:02:44,453
(sniffs)
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00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:47,256
That is why I'm starting
my own architecture firm--
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00:02:47,258 --> 00:02:49,157
Mosbius Designs.
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00:02:49,159 --> 00:02:52,361
Mosbius Designs has failed.
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00:02:52,363 --> 00:02:56,632
But Alex and Jessica's love
reminds us that...
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00:02:58,268 --> 00:03:00,903
(sobbing)
Oh, God!
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00:03:02,855 --> 00:03:05,357
Classic Schmosby.
75
00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:09,111
Whoa. Punchy posted the low
points of your life online?
76
00:03:09,113 --> 00:03:10,696
Oh, not just that.
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00:03:10,698 --> 00:03:13,898
(audio auto-tuned):
♪ Mosbius Designs has failed ♪
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00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:16,451
♪ But Alex and Jessica's love
reminds us that... ♪
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00:03:16,453 --> 00:03:19,237
♪ Tha-tha-tha-tha-tha... ♪
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00:03:19,239 --> 00:03:22,107
(sobbing)
Oh, God!
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00:03:22,109 --> 00:03:25,043
So now I seem like
a total train wreck
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00:03:25,045 --> 00:03:27,078
to all my old
high school friends.
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00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:28,680
And a bunch of people
in Finland.
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00:03:28,682 --> 00:03:31,717
The auto-tune thing got
kind of big over there.
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00:03:31,719 --> 00:03:34,803
That's why I have
to nail this toast.
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00:03:34,805 --> 00:03:37,689
Ted, you want to nail
something at this wedding--
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00:03:37,691 --> 00:03:39,775
lose the Trapper Keeper.
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00:03:39,777 --> 00:03:41,926
The only thing you need
to bring to Cleveland
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00:03:41,928 --> 00:03:43,695
is this.
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00:03:43,697 --> 00:03:45,013
That fall I became
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00:03:45,015 --> 00:03:47,766
the youngest architect
in the history of New York
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00:03:47,768 --> 00:03:49,401
to break ground
on a skyscraper.
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00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:52,054
Which led to a glowing
magazine feature.
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00:03:52,056 --> 00:03:53,538
I planned on having it framed--
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00:03:53,540 --> 00:03:55,290
Uncle Barney had
different plans.
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00:03:55,292 --> 00:03:56,742
Here's your toast--
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00:03:56,744 --> 00:03:59,161
"Single file, ladies.
No fatties""
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00:03:59,163 --> 00:04:00,662
That's ridiculous.
99
00:04:00,664 --> 00:04:02,045
Yeah, you're right.
It's Cleveland.
100
00:04:02,046 --> 00:04:04,947
"Single file, ladies""
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00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:08,994
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x01 ♪
The Best Man
Original Air Date on September 19, 2011
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00:04:09,019 --> 00:04:09,119
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
103
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,759
I'm not going
to Punchy's wedding
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00:04:19,761 --> 00:04:21,945
to brag about a magazine...
105
00:04:21,947 --> 00:04:23,947
cover.
106
00:04:23,949 --> 00:04:26,432
Barney, he doesn't need
dating advice from you.
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00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,452
You never even called Nora.
108
00:04:28,454 --> 00:04:30,103
Kids, you remember Nora.
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00:04:30,105 --> 00:04:32,572
But just the other day...
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00:04:32,574 --> 00:04:35,742
I'll call you.
It's never too late, Barney.
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00:04:35,744 --> 00:04:37,461
Or did you call her?
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Not that I care.
Did you?
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I don't care. Did you?
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I haven't called her.
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00:04:43,085 --> 00:04:45,085
(groans) Buddy.
Damn it, Barney.
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00:04:45,087 --> 00:04:46,786
I was really, really, really
rooting for you two.
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00:04:46,788 --> 00:04:48,004
Who wants hot wings?
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00:04:48,006 --> 00:04:49,222
I'm in.
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00:04:49,224 --> 00:04:51,424
Or maybe we should just pour
hot sauce on Barney,
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00:04:51,426 --> 00:04:52,809
since he's a total chicken.
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00:04:52,811 --> 00:04:54,511
I did not chicken out.
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00:04:54,513 --> 00:04:56,480
Nora is looking for
something serious.
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00:04:56,482 --> 00:04:57,546
I'm not. End of story.
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00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,523
And yes, Robin, I would
love some wings.
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00:04:59,548 --> 00:05:00,748
Cannibal.
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00:05:00,936 --> 00:05:02,569
Okay, next round's on me.
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00:05:02,571 --> 00:05:04,004
Oh, no, we got it.
No, no...
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00:05:04,006 --> 00:05:05,806
Now Lily and Marshall
had just found out
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00:05:05,808 --> 00:05:07,307
they were having a baby.
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00:05:07,309 --> 00:05:10,160
I can't wait to tell everyone.
Baby, no,
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00:05:10,162 --> 00:05:12,579
we can't tell anyone.
Not until three months.
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00:05:12,581 --> 00:05:13,980
I don't want to jinx it.
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00:05:13,982 --> 00:05:16,166
That's a bit superstitious,
don't you think?
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00:05:16,168 --> 00:05:19,119
Whenever we board a flight,
you lick the plane.
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00:05:19,121 --> 00:05:20,704
Have we crashed
even once?
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00:05:20,706 --> 00:05:24,007
Don't say a word until we
know everything's okay. Deal?
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00:05:24,009 --> 00:05:26,960
Deal. But everything's
just going to be great.
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I promise.
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00:05:28,964 --> 00:05:31,131
How can you guarantee that?
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Come here.
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00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,607
I'm just so happy.
I don't know how
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00:05:40,609 --> 00:05:43,276
we're going to keep this secret
for three months.
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00:05:43,278 --> 00:05:44,644
Relax. It'll be easy.
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00:05:44,646 --> 00:05:46,679
What'll you have?
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00:05:46,681 --> 00:05:48,782
Four beers, plus
one non-alcoholic.
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00:05:48,784 --> 00:05:52,435
You're pregnant!
Get in here!
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00:05:52,437 --> 00:05:54,287
And so we all headed
to my hometown
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00:05:54,289 --> 00:05:55,688
where we planned to celebrate
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00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:56,957
Punchy's big day.
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00:05:56,959 --> 00:05:58,608
Uncle Barney had
different plans.
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00:05:58,610 --> 00:05:59,993
Get ready, Cleveland.
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00:05:59,995 --> 00:06:01,828
The last man to
screw you this hard
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00:06:01,830 --> 00:06:03,797
then disappear
was LeBron James.
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00:06:03,799 --> 00:06:06,917
You're trying
to get laid here?
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00:06:06,919 --> 00:06:09,219
What?
God, Barney,
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00:06:09,221 --> 00:06:10,587
tonight is a magical night
157
00:06:10,589 --> 00:06:12,556
between Ted's annoying
friend and what's-her-face.
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00:06:12,558 --> 00:06:13,757
Have some respect.
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00:06:13,759 --> 00:06:15,708
This isn't just getting laid.
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00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,377
This is market research.
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00:06:17,379 --> 00:06:21,714
You see, my legendary
success rate of 83%...
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00:06:21,716 --> 00:06:23,850
17-- it's always
the inverse.
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00:06:23,852 --> 00:06:25,652
...doesn't happen by accident.
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Every single play
I run on women
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has been
meticulously field-tested.
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00:06:29,274 --> 00:06:30,607
By weeding out
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00:06:30,609 --> 00:06:33,559
the bad plays in smaller markets
like Cleveland,
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00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,728
I know which ones will work
in New York.
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00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:36,696
For example,
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00:06:36,698 --> 00:06:39,065
tonight marks
the inaugural flight
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00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:41,418
of the escaped manslaughterer.
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00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:44,454
Are escaped
manslaughterers sexy?
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00:06:44,456 --> 00:06:45,571
Not even remotely.
No. No.
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Exactly.
We'll never know unless
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00:06:48,243 --> 00:06:49,459
I try it out tonight.
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00:06:49,461 --> 00:06:51,127
Schmosby!
Oh!
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00:06:51,129 --> 00:06:53,847
Turd-faces! What's up?!
178
00:06:53,849 --> 00:06:55,599
You really feel
that ring now.
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00:06:55,601 --> 00:06:57,083
So glad you all made it.
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00:06:57,085 --> 00:06:59,352
Open bar. Drink up,
turd-faces,
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00:06:59,354 --> 00:07:01,521
'cause Kelly's dad's
paying for all this,
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00:07:01,523 --> 00:07:03,807
and he hates my guts.
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00:07:03,809 --> 00:07:05,225
KELLY:
It's true.
184
00:07:05,227 --> 00:07:07,310
Who's doing shots?
Come on, let's go.
185
00:07:07,312 --> 00:07:08,594
Oh, no, thank you.
186
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,846
What are you pregnant
or something?
187
00:07:09,848 --> 00:07:11,147
Let's get hammered!
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00:07:11,149 --> 00:07:12,782
(laughing)
189
00:07:12,784 --> 00:07:14,434
You're drinking
for two tonight, baby.
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00:07:14,436 --> 00:07:17,871
I will do this for the child.
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00:07:17,873 --> 00:07:19,939
Go Browns!
ALL: Go Browns!
192
00:07:19,941 --> 00:07:22,492
In AFC regular season play,
193
00:07:22,494 --> 00:07:24,961
but if they mean the
Super Bowl, go Vikings.
194
00:07:24,963 --> 00:07:26,463
Yowza!
195
00:07:26,465 --> 00:07:27,664
(woman screaming)
196
00:07:27,666 --> 00:07:30,333
Escaped manslaughterers--
not sexy.
197
00:07:30,335 --> 00:07:32,168
Although in hindsight,
198
00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:34,671
that was kind
of a flawed concept.
199
00:07:34,673 --> 00:07:37,123
Next up, patient zero.
200
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:39,292
(coughs)
201
00:07:40,645 --> 00:07:43,396
Lily, we are getting
sloshed tonight.
202
00:07:44,348 --> 00:07:45,465
That's all you, baby.
203
00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:47,400
I'll be four shots in
with no food.
204
00:07:47,402 --> 00:07:50,065
In nine months, I'll be pushing
a pumpkin-headed Eriksen baby
205
00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:51,290
out of my hoo-ha.
206
00:07:51,773 --> 00:07:54,024
I think Papa can manage
a few extra cocktails.
207
00:07:54,026 --> 00:07:55,825
Well played.
208
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,165
Hakuna Matata!
209
00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:05,418
I, uh, I got
to get some air.
210
00:08:07,338 --> 00:08:09,489
Kids, remember how I told you
211
00:08:09,491 --> 00:08:11,741
Marshall ruined
Punchy's wedding?
212
00:08:11,743 --> 00:08:13,009
That wasn't it.
213
00:08:13,011 --> 00:08:15,312
God, will you look
at that guy.
214
00:08:15,314 --> 00:08:17,681
(sarcastic tone):
I wish Barney
215
00:08:17,683 --> 00:08:19,049
were my boyfriend again.
216
00:08:19,051 --> 00:08:20,383
(normal voice):
No, thanks.
217
00:08:20,385 --> 00:08:22,225
Wait a minute.
That's your truth voice.
218
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,450
My what?
219
00:08:24,022 --> 00:08:26,439
Whenever you're trying to pass
something off as a joke
220
00:08:26,441 --> 00:08:29,793
but it's actually profoundly
true, you use that voice.
221
00:08:29,795 --> 00:08:32,678
(sarcastic tone): I wish the Spice Girls
would get back together.
222
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,314
They were awesome.
223
00:08:34,316 --> 00:08:36,116
The worst.
224
00:08:40,488 --> 00:08:42,539
(sarcastic tone):
That was me.
225
00:08:42,541 --> 00:08:45,024
I totally cut one.
226
00:08:45,026 --> 00:08:48,027
That guy.
227
00:08:48,029 --> 00:08:50,413
Birthday present
from my dad.
228
00:08:50,415 --> 00:08:51,659
(sarcastic tone):
All I really want is for him
229
00:08:51,684 --> 00:08:53,484
to tell me that he loves me.
230
00:08:54,419 --> 00:08:55,752
(normal voice):
Just kidding.
231
00:08:55,754 --> 00:08:57,087
This pen's enough.
232
00:08:57,089 --> 00:08:58,871
(sarcastic tone):
It's not enough.
233
00:08:58,873 --> 00:09:01,040
(normal voice):
It's totally enough.
234
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,977
Oh, my God.
235
00:09:03,979 --> 00:09:07,430
You still have
feelings for Barney.
236
00:09:11,873 --> 00:09:15,140
Admit it, you still have
feelings for Barney.
237
00:09:15,169 --> 00:09:18,070
You are drunker than I thought.
238
00:09:18,072 --> 00:09:19,038
I mean,
239
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,257
look at the guy.
Wait, wait, wait.
240
00:09:21,259 --> 00:09:23,909
Before you go, please answer
the following survey
241
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:25,962
to help me better
bang you in the future.
242
00:09:25,964 --> 00:09:29,131
What didn't work for you
about this play?
243
00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:30,633
Did you A) not believe
244
00:09:30,635 --> 00:09:33,386
I was a Guinness Book
world record holder?
245
00:09:33,388 --> 00:09:37,023
or B) did the fingernails
gross you out?
246
00:09:37,025 --> 00:09:39,058
Th...
247
00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:41,310
I can't wait for
your toast, Schmosby.
248
00:09:41,312 --> 00:09:43,762
Yeah, here come
the waterworks.
249
00:09:43,764 --> 00:09:46,399
Wait. You're rooting for me to
melt down at your own wedding?
250
00:09:46,401 --> 00:09:47,783
Yeah, everyone is.
251
00:09:47,785 --> 00:09:49,869
Plus a few new friends
from Finland.
252
00:09:53,273 --> 00:09:54,657
Hey, good luck, Schmos.
253
00:09:54,659 --> 00:09:56,492
Good luck, good luck.
254
00:09:56,494 --> 00:09:58,628
Take it.
255
00:09:58,630 --> 00:10:00,880
Show them how awesome you are.
256
00:10:00,882 --> 00:10:05,551
Shamelessly plug yourself,
so you can shamelessly plug,
257
00:10:05,553 --> 00:10:07,670
let's say that.
I told you,
258
00:10:07,672 --> 00:10:09,388
I'm not here to brag, okay?
259
00:10:09,390 --> 00:10:10,723
MARSHALL (slurring words):
That's it.
260
00:10:10,725 --> 00:10:12,808
You're too polite to brag.
261
00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,560
Well, fine.
262
00:10:14,562 --> 00:10:16,095
Let me.
263
00:10:16,097 --> 00:10:19,231
Because the only person
on Earth
264
00:10:19,233 --> 00:10:21,484
who loves Ted Mosby
more than Marshall Eriksen,
265
00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:23,936
is drunk Marshall Eriksen.
266
00:10:23,938 --> 00:10:25,688
So game on.
267
00:10:31,194 --> 00:10:33,346
Kids, remember how I told you
268
00:10:33,348 --> 00:10:35,881
Marshall ruined Punchy
and Kelly's wedding?
269
00:10:37,367 --> 00:10:39,485
That wasn't it either.
270
00:10:39,487 --> 00:10:42,672
Barney and I tried and failed.
271
00:10:42,674 --> 00:10:43,989
That was two years ago.
272
00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:46,158
Why would I ever
go down that road again?
273
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:47,593
It wouldn't even
make sense.
274
00:10:47,595 --> 00:10:50,012
It doesn't have to make sense.
It's chemistry.
275
00:10:50,014 --> 00:10:53,966
Look, I've always had a sixth
sense about these things.
276
00:10:53,968 --> 00:10:55,851
And now that I'm pregnant...
277
00:10:55,853 --> 00:10:58,688
with this idea
in my mind-uterus,
278
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:00,005
I see things
even clearer.
279
00:11:00,007 --> 00:11:02,942
You and Barney have the kind
of chemistry
280
00:11:02,944 --> 00:11:05,277
that just doesn't go away.
281
00:11:05,279 --> 00:11:10,149
Really? Then why is he trying
to LeBron anything that moves?
282
00:11:10,151 --> 00:11:11,367
Did this not work for you
283
00:11:11,369 --> 00:11:13,185
because A) vampires
are played out,
284
00:11:13,187 --> 00:11:16,155
or B) claiming that I also
invented Facebook
285
00:11:16,157 --> 00:11:18,908
was kind of a hat on a hat?
286
00:11:20,844 --> 00:11:22,361
You're the reason
287
00:11:22,363 --> 00:11:23,862
he never called Nora.
288
00:11:23,864 --> 00:11:26,198
You're the reason he's only
test-marketing tonight.
289
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,967
And you're the
reason he keeps
290
00:11:27,969 --> 00:11:29,752
striking out on purpose.
291
00:11:29,754 --> 00:11:31,187
Chemistry.
292
00:11:32,055 --> 00:11:34,590
Whoa! Ted!
293
00:11:34,592 --> 00:11:36,392
Is that really you
294
00:11:36,394 --> 00:11:39,378
on the cover of
New York magazine?
295
00:11:39,380 --> 00:11:40,896
(whispers):
Now, you say "yes""
296
00:11:40,898 --> 00:11:43,015
(whispers): Please stop.
Schmosby.
297
00:11:43,017 --> 00:11:44,066
What's this about a magazine?
298
00:11:44,068 --> 00:11:46,018
You know what, Clay?
It's no big deal.
299
00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:48,154
You know what?
It is a big deal.
300
00:11:48,156 --> 00:11:52,942
Clay, my friend Ted is
designing a skyscraper, Clay.
301
00:11:52,944 --> 00:11:54,577
What have you been
up to, Clay?
302
00:11:54,579 --> 00:11:57,079
Well, I'm still working
at the rental car company...
303
00:11:57,081 --> 00:11:58,697
Bravo, bravo, Clay.
304
00:11:58,699 --> 00:12:01,733
Any major publications
want to write an article
305
00:12:01,735 --> 00:12:03,753
on your sweet
rental car gig?
306
00:12:03,755 --> 00:12:05,204
No, no articles.
307
00:12:05,206 --> 00:12:06,205
My life's pretty dull.
308
00:12:06,207 --> 00:12:10,409
I guess the only news is
this little gal.
309
00:12:10,411 --> 00:12:12,795
Oh, my God,
wook at the wittle baby.
310
00:12:12,797 --> 00:12:14,547
She is so cute.
311
00:12:14,549 --> 00:12:17,416
All I want to do
is put her little feet
312
00:12:17,418 --> 00:12:20,085
in my mouth.
313
00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:22,254
You've created something
truly beautiful.
314
00:12:22,256 --> 00:12:24,273
She is my everything.
315
00:12:24,275 --> 00:12:28,093
I mean, it's kind
of a big deal...
316
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:29,428
the building,
you know?
317
00:12:29,430 --> 00:12:30,930
Hey, little one.
318
00:12:30,932 --> 00:12:32,565
So, this little angel's
already sleeping
319
00:12:32,567 --> 00:12:33,599
through the night?
320
00:12:33,601 --> 00:12:35,484
I've had some
sleepless nights...
321
00:12:35,486 --> 00:12:38,370
designing this building.
322
00:12:38,372 --> 00:12:40,873
Aw...
323
00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:43,159
Nothing symbolic
about that.
324
00:12:44,161 --> 00:12:45,744
Let it go.
325
00:12:45,746 --> 00:12:48,330
There is no chemistry left
between me and Barney.
326
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:49,448
We're done.
327
00:12:49,450 --> 00:12:52,334
Oh really? Prove it.
Go tell him.
328
00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:53,752
Why would I go
tell him that?
329
00:12:53,754 --> 00:12:57,256
Because deep down, even if he
isn't aware of it himself,
330
00:12:57,258 --> 00:12:59,408
Barney wants to be with you.
331
00:12:59,410 --> 00:13:00,843
And if it's not
gonna happen,
332
00:13:00,845 --> 00:13:02,461
he deserves to know.
333
00:13:02,463 --> 00:13:03,779
Fine.
334
00:13:06,883 --> 00:13:09,935
Barney, just so everything
is crystal clear...
335
00:13:09,937 --> 00:13:11,487
I know what you're gonna say.
336
00:13:11,489 --> 00:13:14,490
Let's show Cleveland how
it's done.
337
00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:18,327
♪ The chills that you spill
up my back ♪
338
00:13:18,329 --> 00:13:19,945
♪ Leave me filled
with satisfaction ♪
339
00:13:19,947 --> 00:13:22,781
♪ When we're done, satisfaction
of what's to come ♪
340
00:13:22,783 --> 00:13:26,936
♪ I couldn't ask for another ♪
♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪
341
00:13:31,157 --> 00:13:35,044
♪ Now I couldn't ask
for another ♪
342
00:13:39,249 --> 00:13:41,300
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
343
00:13:42,552 --> 00:13:45,804
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
344
00:13:47,274 --> 00:13:50,976
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
♪ Ask your mama ♪
345
00:13:50,978 --> 00:13:53,845
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
346
00:14:00,370 --> 00:14:03,205
♪ One, two, three ♪
(both blubber)
347
00:14:09,579 --> 00:14:11,113
♪ Groove is in
your heart ♪
348
00:14:11,115 --> 00:14:13,716
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
349
00:14:14,634 --> 00:14:18,804
♪ Groove is in
the heart ♪
350
00:14:18,806 --> 00:14:21,557
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
351
00:14:22,425 --> 00:14:26,095
♪ Groove is in the heart. ♪
352
00:14:34,887 --> 00:14:37,656
(song ends)
353
00:14:37,658 --> 00:14:40,025
(breathless):
Barney... I...
354
00:14:40,027 --> 00:14:41,893
(phone rings)
355
00:14:41,895 --> 00:14:44,446
Sorry.
356
00:14:46,416 --> 00:14:48,884
Oh, my God, it's Nora.
357
00:14:54,711 --> 00:14:56,245
Nora's finally
calling me back.
358
00:14:56,247 --> 00:14:57,663
Wait, you said you
never called her.
359
00:14:57,665 --> 00:14:59,882
I lied. I called her,
like, five times.
360
00:14:59,884 --> 00:15:01,467
Wait, wait!
361
00:15:01,469 --> 00:15:03,419
You of all people
know how much
362
00:15:03,421 --> 00:15:06,305
I suck at these things.
You gotta help me. Please?
363
00:15:06,307 --> 00:15:07,506
Just once I would like
364
00:15:07,508 --> 00:15:09,341
to see what it feels like
to not screw things up.
365
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,510
Yeah, mm-hmm.
366
00:15:11,512 --> 00:15:12,961
Okay.
367
00:15:12,963 --> 00:15:15,598
Hey, Nora.
Thanks for calling me back.
368
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:19,968
Um, hey, hi.
The-the-the reason that, um,
369
00:15:19,970 --> 00:15:21,470
I called is, uh...
370
00:15:21,472 --> 00:15:23,238
To tell you how
I feel about you.
371
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:24,640
...to tell you how
I feel about you.
372
00:15:24,642 --> 00:15:26,275
I know we didn't work
out the first time...
373
00:15:26,277 --> 00:15:28,110
I know we didn't work out
the first time...
374
00:15:28,112 --> 00:15:29,745
...and I know it doesn't
make any sense...
375
00:15:29,747 --> 00:15:31,530
...and I know it doesn't
make any sense...
376
00:15:31,532 --> 00:15:34,033
...but I can't shake the feeling
that we belong together.
377
00:15:34,035 --> 00:15:35,451
...but I can't shake
this feeling
378
00:15:35,453 --> 00:15:36,535
that we belong together.
379
00:15:36,537 --> 00:15:39,288
Is there any part of you
that wants to try again?
380
00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:41,823
Is there any part of you
that wants to try again?
381
00:15:49,265 --> 00:15:51,583
(whispers):
Baby, I can't take it anymore.
382
00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:53,335
I've gotta tell somebody
that we're pregnant.
383
00:15:53,337 --> 00:15:54,603
Eriksen, stay strong.
384
00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:56,188
We're keeping this secret.
385
00:15:56,190 --> 00:15:57,690
There's babies everywhere.
386
00:15:57,692 --> 00:15:59,274
It's like a minefield
of cuteness.
387
00:15:59,276 --> 00:16:00,776
Look at this little bastard.
388
00:16:00,778 --> 00:16:03,112
Marshall, stop it.
Stay strong.
389
00:16:03,114 --> 00:16:06,515
You can't let holding some,
some little baby...
390
00:16:06,517 --> 00:16:09,618
oh, with the cute
little cheeks
391
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:11,787
and the... the little arms
392
00:16:11,789 --> 00:16:13,322
and little legs...
393
00:16:13,324 --> 00:16:16,375
This son of a bitch
has knee dimples.
394
00:16:16,377 --> 00:16:18,043
Let's go tell everyone
I'm pregnant.
395
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,495
Yeah!
396
00:16:39,549 --> 00:16:40,649
You okay?
397
00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:41,934
Nope. You?
398
00:16:41,936 --> 00:16:44,103
Not excessively.
399
00:16:44,105 --> 00:16:45,237
You want to talk
about it?
400
00:16:45,239 --> 00:16:46,722
Not even a little.
401
00:16:46,724 --> 00:16:49,858
Might make you feel better.
402
00:16:49,860 --> 00:16:52,745
Okay, fine,
I'll make you a deal:
403
00:16:52,747 --> 00:16:56,248
you go first, and then I'll
stick with my thing
404
00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:57,750
about not talking about it.
405
00:16:57,752 --> 00:17:00,102
Okay.
406
00:17:01,171 --> 00:17:02,371
All my friends from high school,
407
00:17:02,373 --> 00:17:04,173
they're here with their wives,
their kids.
408
00:17:04,175 --> 00:17:07,909
Me? My date for the night
is a sticky magazine.
409
00:17:07,911 --> 00:17:10,462
Sounds like high school
all over again.
410
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:12,097
Sorry, it was right there.
411
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:16,969
I used to believe in destiny,
you know?
412
00:17:16,971 --> 00:17:20,889
I'd go to the bagel place,
see a pretty girl in line
413
00:17:20,891 --> 00:17:23,859
reading my favorite novel,
whistling the song
414
00:17:23,861 --> 00:17:26,278
that's been stuck in my head
all week and I'd think,
415
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,565
"Wow. Hey, maybe she's
the one."
416
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,950
Now I think, "I just know
417
00:17:31,952 --> 00:17:33,268
"that bitch is gonna take
418
00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:34,987
the last whole-wheat everything
bagel."
419
00:17:34,989 --> 00:17:37,322
You've just been focused
on work.
420
00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:41,376
No, it's more than that.
421
00:17:41,378 --> 00:17:43,779
I've stopped believing.
422
00:17:44,581 --> 00:17:45,998
Not in some depressed,
423
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,467
"I'm gonna cry
during my toast" way.
424
00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:50,969
Not in a way I even noticed
until tonight.
425
00:17:50,971 --> 00:17:57,459
It's just, every day,
I think I believe a little less
426
00:17:57,461 --> 00:17:59,795
and a little less
and a little less.
427
00:17:59,797 --> 00:18:02,781
And that... sucks.
428
00:18:04,967 --> 00:18:07,936
What do I do
about that, Scherbatsky?
429
00:18:07,938 --> 00:18:09,638
You're Ted Mosby.
430
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,657
You start believing again.
431
00:18:11,659 --> 00:18:14,443
In what, destiny?
432
00:18:14,445 --> 00:18:17,162
Chemistry.
433
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,616
If you have chemistry,
you only need one other thing.
434
00:18:20,618 --> 00:18:21,834
What's that?
435
00:18:21,836 --> 00:18:23,318
Timing.
436
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,988
But timing's a bitch.
437
00:18:25,990 --> 00:18:27,439
(sighs)
438
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:31,927
Hey, we still have
our 40 deal, right?
439
00:18:31,929 --> 00:18:33,462
If we're both still
single at 40...
440
00:18:33,464 --> 00:18:35,330
I'm all yours.
Hmm
441
00:18:35,332 --> 00:18:38,383
Unrelated, do architects make
big money?
442
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:40,969
Aggressively
medium money.
443
00:18:40,971 --> 00:18:44,022
Damn it.
444
00:18:44,024 --> 00:18:45,824
Schmosby, you're up
in two minutes.
445
00:18:47,510 --> 00:18:48,861
Okay, promise me two things,
446
00:18:48,863 --> 00:18:50,813
one) you start believing again,
447
00:18:50,815 --> 00:18:54,917
and two) don't cry
during the toast, Schmosby.
448
00:18:54,919 --> 00:18:57,352
I promise.
449
00:18:57,354 --> 00:18:59,121
Good. (chuckles)
450
00:19:01,858 --> 00:19:04,042
We're having a baby.
451
00:19:04,044 --> 00:19:05,711
What, for real?
452
00:19:05,713 --> 00:19:06,829
For real.
453
00:19:06,831 --> 00:19:07,880
Oh!
Oh!
454
00:19:07,882 --> 00:19:09,998
(laughing)
455
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,533
MAN (OVER P.A.):
Attention, everyone!
456
00:19:11,535 --> 00:19:13,385
It's time for the reason
we're all here tonight.
457
00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:16,138
Schmosby's toast!
458
00:19:16,140 --> 00:19:18,690
We're here tonight
to celebrate love.
459
00:19:18,692 --> 00:19:21,994
(guests snicker)
460
00:19:21,996 --> 00:19:24,096
Love brings us new life...
461
00:19:24,098 --> 00:19:25,564
(guests chuckle)
462
00:19:25,566 --> 00:19:27,232
Hey!
463
00:19:31,154 --> 00:19:33,088
This isn't a meltdown.
464
00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:35,941
These are tears of joy.
465
00:19:35,943 --> 00:19:40,395
Ted is happy for his friends
466
00:19:40,397 --> 00:19:43,448
'cause he's the best guy
that I know.
467
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:44,750
And do you know why he's happy?
468
00:19:44,752 --> 00:19:47,569
Because this beautiful lady
right here is pregnant.
469
00:19:47,571 --> 00:19:49,004
How did you know that?!
470
00:19:49,006 --> 00:19:51,206
That was supposed
to be a secret!
471
00:19:51,208 --> 00:19:53,308
NARRATOR:
Turns out...
472
00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:54,259
Go Browns!
473
00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,628
ALL: Go Browns!
Whoo!
474
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,079
MARSHALL:
In AFC regular season play,
475
00:19:58,081 --> 00:20:00,098
but if they mean the
Super Bowl, go Vikings.
476
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:01,750
How dare you.
477
00:20:01,752 --> 00:20:04,102
That's my daughter,
you piece of garbage.
478
00:20:04,104 --> 00:20:06,071
You're still gonna pay
for all this, right?
479
00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:08,974
"Piece of garbage"?
That's my son.
480
00:20:08,976 --> 00:20:12,411
And that is how Marshall
destroyed Punchy's wedding.
481
00:20:12,413 --> 00:20:13,779
(guests clamoring)
482
00:20:13,781 --> 00:20:15,764
But we didn't care.
483
00:20:15,766 --> 00:20:19,818
There was gonna be a sixth
member of our little family.
484
00:20:21,671 --> 00:20:23,789
No wedding will ever,
ever be as bad
485
00:20:23,791 --> 00:20:26,074
as that one, right?
486
00:20:26,076 --> 00:20:29,127
I picked the right tie,
didn't I?
487
00:20:29,129 --> 00:20:31,630
You nailed it.
488
00:20:31,632 --> 00:20:35,150
And hey, just be glad
it's not the ducky tie.
489
00:20:35,152 --> 00:20:36,568
NARRATOR:
Ooh, the ducky tie.
490
00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:38,770
That's a good story kids.
I'll get to that.
491
00:20:38,772 --> 00:20:41,506
Man, we are not even close
to the end.
492
00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:43,792
(scoffs)
493
00:20:43,794 --> 00:20:46,361
You're a good
best man, Ted.
494
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,398
You're gonna cry during
the toast, aren't you?
495
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,298
Oh, I'm totally gonna cry.
496
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:52,184
(knocking)
Come in.
497
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,687
Ted, the bride wants to see you.
498
00:20:56,990 --> 00:20:58,907
Okay.
499
00:21:01,244 --> 00:21:02,911
Really? You're gonna go
with that tie?
500
00:21:04,484 --> 00:21:05,684
(mumbling)
501
00:21:06,477 --> 00:21:10,477
== sync, corrected by elderman ==