1
00:00:01,592 --> 00:00:05,220
Hey, what do you guys think
of my new ducky tie?
2
00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:06,437
Pretty cute, right?
3
00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:09,090
And not that much more expensive
than a regular tie.
4
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,324
Hmm.
5
00:00:10,326 --> 00:00:11,259
A ducky tie?
6
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,893
Bro, why do you
do this
7
00:00:12,895 --> 00:00:15,396
when you know I must
slam you for it?
8
00:00:15,398 --> 00:00:17,348
You guys might
want to look away
9
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,383
'cause this ain't
gonna be pretty.
10
00:00:20,202 --> 00:00:21,619
You ready?
11
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:24,755
Duck, duck... gross.
12
00:00:25,374 --> 00:00:26,707
Hashtag burn,
13
00:00:26,709 --> 00:00:28,409
hashtag duck tie slam,
14
00:00:28,411 --> 00:00:30,261
hashtag Stinson rocks.
15
00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:31,545
What else is going on?
16
00:00:31,547 --> 00:00:34,098
Oh, guess who
I ran into.
17
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,050
A girl from my past.
18
00:00:36,052 --> 00:00:37,218
Any guesses?
19
00:00:37,220 --> 00:00:38,386
- Stella.
- Zoe.
20
00:00:38,388 --> 00:00:40,021
- Karen?
- The girl who beat you up.
21
00:00:40,023 --> 00:00:41,422
The girl who ruined
a photo with Slash!
22
00:00:41,424 --> 00:00:42,823
The girl who made you get
the butterfly tattoo?
23
00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:44,475
You make it sound
like I've dated
24
00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:46,277
a series of Stieg Larrson
novels.
25
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:48,179
Perhaps I need to be
a little more specific.
26
00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:50,564
I met this girl at a wedding.
27
00:00:50,566 --> 00:00:54,035
We were together for a while,
but then she moved to Germany.
28
00:00:54,037 --> 00:00:57,488
We decided to try long
distance, but it didn't work
29
00:00:57,490 --> 00:01:01,125
because I cheated on her with
someone at this very table.
30
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:02,326
Victoria.
31
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:03,911
Victoria!
32
00:01:03,913 --> 00:01:06,747
She catered dessert
for the Architects' Ball.
33
00:01:06,749 --> 00:01:09,467
Wow. I mean, what's it been,
like, what, six years?
34
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:12,136
Yeah, it's so funny how
the past...
35
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,787
you know, you think
36
00:01:13,789 --> 00:01:15,389
you're doing fine,
but you know,
37
00:01:15,391 --> 00:01:17,341
because true love...
God, Lily!
38
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:19,727
What on Earth is going on
with your cans?
39
00:01:19,729 --> 00:01:21,128
Oh, these old things?
40
00:01:21,130 --> 00:01:24,131
I got my
pregnancy boobs!
41
00:01:24,133 --> 00:01:25,299
I'm in that sweet spot
44
00:01:29,272 --> 00:01:30,905
Well, what are you
waiting for, Lil?
45
00:01:30,907 --> 00:01:32,973
Bust 'em out!
Make 'em dance!
46
00:01:32,975 --> 00:01:33,741
No!
47
00:01:33,743 --> 00:01:37,328
♪ Let your boobies show! ♪
48
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:40,014
Okay, I'm sorry, pal,
49
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,616
but the party in my wife's
sweater is a private event,
50
00:01:42,618 --> 00:01:43,617
and I'm the bouncer.
51
00:01:43,619 --> 00:01:45,453
Dude, I think they's
the bouncers.
52
00:01:45,455 --> 00:01:49,656
Okay, can we stop talking about
my wife's breasts, please?
53
00:01:49,658 --> 00:01:51,158
Ted ran into Victoria!
54
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,010
I know, I'm still
a little shaken by it.
55
00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:55,346
I mean, there she was
after all these years.
56
00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,831
The emotions and memories and...
57
00:01:57,833 --> 00:02:00,885
Geez, Lily, it's like you have
a butt on your chest.
58
00:02:01,837 --> 00:02:02,887
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
59
00:02:02,912 --> 00:02:06,912
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x03 ♪
Ducky Tie
Original Air Date on September 26, 2011
60
00:02:06,913 --> 00:02:10,913
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
61
00:02:10,938 --> 00:02:15,235
♪
62
00:02:17,851 --> 00:02:20,417
Why on Earth would
I want to see that?
63
00:02:20,418 --> 00:02:22,285
They're round
and attached to my body.
64
00:02:22,287 --> 00:02:23,669
It's an even trade.
65
00:02:23,671 --> 00:02:25,788
Okay, who wants dinner?
(sneezes)
66
00:02:25,790 --> 00:02:27,673
Bless you.
Let's go to Shinjitsu.
67
00:02:27,675 --> 00:02:29,092
Aw, again? Really?
68
00:02:29,094 --> 00:02:30,960
You bring that up,
like, once a month.
69
00:02:30,962 --> 00:02:32,845
It's hibachi grilling
with a vaudeville twist.
70
00:02:32,847 --> 00:02:34,080
I mean, come on, who's in?
71
00:02:34,082 --> 00:02:35,114
(Ted, Lily & Robin
murmur approval)
72
00:02:35,116 --> 00:02:37,216
No! Forget it!
73
00:02:37,218 --> 00:02:38,601
Okay, how about this:
74
00:02:38,603 --> 00:02:41,104
if you can go ten seconds
without looking at Lily's boobs,
75
00:02:41,106 --> 00:02:43,022
we'll go wherever
you want to go.
76
00:02:43,024 --> 00:02:46,309
(scoffs) Deal.
77
00:02:51,331 --> 00:02:52,331
Damn it!
78
00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:54,200
Oh, well.
79
00:02:54,202 --> 00:02:57,320
So you saw Victoria.
80
00:02:57,322 --> 00:02:59,071
You must have
been freaked.
81
00:02:59,073 --> 00:03:01,374
No, it was cool.
82
00:03:03,026 --> 00:03:04,660
Hey, Ted.
83
00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:07,180
Hey, kiddo.
84
00:03:07,182 --> 00:03:11,083
Okay, Ted, 'cause from
where I was standing...
85
00:03:25,065 --> 00:03:26,899
Robin! Just... okay?
86
00:03:26,901 --> 00:03:29,735
I'm telling this story.
87
00:03:29,737 --> 00:03:33,156
Instead of the obligatory
awkward small talk,
88
00:03:33,158 --> 00:03:34,907
let me just kick this off
89
00:03:34,909 --> 00:03:39,195
by saying I'm
really, really sorry.
90
00:03:39,197 --> 00:03:44,233
Thanks. It's unnecessary,
but thanks.
91
00:03:44,235 --> 00:03:46,836
So, wasn't awkward.
92
00:03:46,838 --> 00:03:48,454
- It was a little awkward.
- Not really.
93
00:03:48,456 --> 00:03:50,590
It was a little awkward.
94
00:03:50,592 --> 00:03:54,076
Lucky for you, the cavalry rode
in to smooth things over.
95
00:03:54,078 --> 00:03:57,463
So, uh...
96
00:03:57,465 --> 00:03:59,765
I stole your boyfriend!
97
00:03:59,767 --> 00:04:02,268
That was, like, crazy!
98
00:04:02,270 --> 00:04:03,436
Like, what?!
99
00:04:03,438 --> 00:04:07,390
But... bridge, water under it.
100
00:04:07,392 --> 00:04:09,559
It was all Ted's fault.
He got me drunk.
101
00:04:09,561 --> 00:04:11,727
What?
Yeah! Be right there.
102
00:04:12,596 --> 00:04:16,148
Oh, guess who's here? Robin.
103
00:04:16,150 --> 00:04:19,202
Oh. I'm really happy
for you guys.
104
00:04:19,204 --> 00:04:20,319
You look cute together.
105
00:04:20,321 --> 00:04:22,104
Oh, no, no, we're not together.
106
00:04:22,106 --> 00:04:24,240
I mean, we-we dated
for, like, a year.
107
00:04:24,242 --> 00:04:25,791
But now we're just friends.
108
00:04:25,793 --> 00:04:27,293
It's not weird.
109
00:04:27,295 --> 00:04:29,128
No, no. Why would that be weird?
110
00:04:29,130 --> 00:04:31,414
I mean, if you hung out
every day, that would...
111
00:04:31,416 --> 00:04:32,615
We do.
112
00:04:32,617 --> 00:04:34,166
...still not be weird.
113
00:04:34,168 --> 00:04:35,284
I've never
known anybody
114
00:04:35,286 --> 00:04:36,802
that hangs out with their ex
every day.
115
00:04:36,804 --> 00:04:37,953
Well, Barney does.
116
00:04:37,955 --> 00:04:39,972
Really?
Who's Barney's ex-girlfriend?
117
00:04:39,974 --> 00:04:40,923
Robin.
118
00:04:40,925 --> 00:04:42,291
Your Robin?
119
00:04:42,293 --> 00:04:44,176
Mine and Barney's.
120
00:04:44,178 --> 00:04:47,146
You don't all three hang out
together?
121
00:04:47,148 --> 00:04:48,014
All the time.
122
00:04:48,016 --> 00:04:50,783
And we have weird.
123
00:04:50,785 --> 00:04:52,184
It's not weird!
124
00:04:52,186 --> 00:04:54,520
Has anyone gotten
a bite yet?
125
00:04:54,522 --> 00:04:56,105
Oh, good!
Here we go!
126
00:04:56,107 --> 00:04:57,473
The main event.
127
00:04:57,475 --> 00:04:59,191
Oh, we got Takumi.
He is good!
128
00:04:59,193 --> 00:05:00,526
I mean, who am
I kidding?
129
00:05:00,528 --> 00:05:01,527
They're all amazing!
130
00:05:01,529 --> 00:05:02,995
Let the dinnertainment begin!
131
00:05:04,915 --> 00:05:06,749
Oh, that reminds me,
132
00:05:06,751 --> 00:05:09,335
there's this other restaurant
we should try sometime.
133
00:05:09,337 --> 00:05:12,655
What they do is, they cook
your meal in a little room
134
00:05:12,657 --> 00:05:13,822
called a "kitchen."
135
00:05:13,824 --> 00:05:15,174
What's the name of that...?
136
00:05:15,176 --> 00:05:18,427
Oh, yeah! "Every Other
Restaurant In New York City."
137
00:05:18,429 --> 00:05:22,131
Hashtag burn, hashtag
Your Tie Is Still Dumb,
138
00:05:22,133 --> 00:05:24,650
hashtag refill!
139
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,154
So you're talking to Victoria.
140
00:05:28,156 --> 00:05:29,939
I'm talking to Victoria.
141
00:05:29,941 --> 00:05:32,341
Well, I should probably
get back to the bakery.
142
00:05:32,343 --> 00:05:34,694
I'm taking a late bus out
to the Hamptons tonight,
143
00:05:34,696 --> 00:05:36,395
and I've got a sink full
of dishes
144
00:05:36,397 --> 00:05:38,481
that my assistant did not clean.
145
00:05:38,483 --> 00:05:40,849
Because my assistant is me.
146
00:05:40,851 --> 00:05:43,686
But it was really good seeing
you, Ted.
147
00:05:43,688 --> 00:05:45,854
- Yeah, you, too.
- Okay.
148
00:05:47,074 --> 00:05:48,874
Wait.
149
00:05:48,876 --> 00:05:50,793
Let me do the dishes.
150
00:05:50,795 --> 00:05:51,694
What?
151
00:05:51,696 --> 00:05:54,330
Victoria,
do you believe in fate?
152
00:05:54,332 --> 00:05:56,866
I believe you're about
to give a big speech on fate.
153
00:05:56,868 --> 00:05:58,134
Well, I do.
154
00:05:58,136 --> 00:06:01,253
And I think when two people like
you and me randomly bump
155
00:06:01,255 --> 00:06:03,205
into each other,
it means something.
156
00:06:03,207 --> 00:06:05,725
I have to make amends
for what I did.
157
00:06:05,727 --> 00:06:08,544
Look, I can't undo what I did
six years ago, but...
158
00:06:08,546 --> 00:06:11,847
I can wash dishes.
159
00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:13,716
It's actually something
I'm good at.
160
00:06:13,718 --> 00:06:15,184
Ted...
161
00:06:15,186 --> 00:06:18,554
I swear to you
I am not trying anything.
162
00:06:18,556 --> 00:06:20,439
♪ I said, bang, bang,
bangity-bang ♪
163
00:06:20,441 --> 00:06:22,224
♪ I said a bang, bang,
bangity-bang. ♪
164
00:06:22,226 --> 00:06:25,161
Guys, guys! Shut up!
165
00:06:25,163 --> 00:06:27,363
Give the artist
a little respect!
166
00:06:27,365 --> 00:06:29,949
Sir, I apologize for that,
167
00:06:29,951 --> 00:06:32,368
and for what
I'm about to say.
168
00:06:32,370 --> 00:06:34,704
Here's my impression
of this guy.
169
00:06:34,706 --> 00:06:36,122
(guttural): Uh! Ooh!
170
00:06:36,124 --> 00:06:37,840
Uh! Uh!
171
00:06:37,842 --> 00:06:40,710
Welcome to Shinjitsu! Uh!
172
00:06:40,712 --> 00:06:44,463
I used to be a night manager
at Dairy Queen! Brr!
173
00:06:44,465 --> 00:06:45,748
Anyone can do that.
174
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,600
Oh really? Then why
don't you do it, Barney?
175
00:06:47,602 --> 00:06:50,302
Show us all the tricks
if they're so easy.
176
00:06:50,304 --> 00:06:51,854
Show us the onion volcano,
177
00:06:51,856 --> 00:06:53,272
the fried rice
beating heart,
178
00:06:53,274 --> 00:06:54,724
the shrimp in the pocket.
179
00:06:54,726 --> 00:06:58,811
I bet Ted showed Victoria
the shrimp in his pocket.
180
00:06:58,813 --> 00:07:00,146
Shrimp? Really?
181
00:07:00,148 --> 00:07:01,714
Okay, I'll do all
182
00:07:01,716 --> 00:07:03,766
those things. You just name
the time and the place.
183
00:07:03,768 --> 00:07:05,651
Okay, right here
after we eat.
184
00:07:05,653 --> 00:07:06,769
And what do I get if I do?
185
00:07:06,771 --> 00:07:07,737
What do you want?
186
00:07:07,739 --> 00:07:08,621
I want to touch Lily's boobs.
187
00:07:08,623 --> 00:07:09,989
Deal!
188
00:07:09,991 --> 00:07:10,939
Hey, sweetie?
189
00:07:10,941 --> 00:07:12,558
Yeah, I heard.
190
00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:16,712
Okay, Barney, you want
to make this real?
191
00:07:16,714 --> 00:07:18,130
Let's make this real.
192
00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:21,050
Terms: If you can do
all that stuff
193
00:07:21,052 --> 00:07:22,334
that Marshall just listed off,
194
00:07:22,336 --> 00:07:24,119
I will let
you touch one boob.
195
00:07:24,121 --> 00:07:24,953
Both boobs.
196
00:07:24,955 --> 00:07:25,788
Just one.
197
00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:26,589
Touch and squeeze.
198
00:07:26,591 --> 00:07:27,256
Just touch.
199
00:07:27,258 --> 00:07:28,224
Touch and motorboat.
200
00:07:28,226 --> 00:07:28,924
Just touch.
201
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:29,842
- Honka honka?
- Barney.
202
00:07:29,844 --> 00:07:30,976
Just touch.
Just touch.
203
00:07:30,978 --> 00:07:32,645
For one hour.
For one second.
204
00:07:32,647 --> 00:07:33,962
20 minutes, both boobs.
205
00:07:33,964 --> 00:07:35,314
Thirty seconds, one boob.
206
00:07:35,316 --> 00:07:37,683
Four minutes, both boobs,
three squeezes.
207
00:07:37,685 --> 00:07:39,798
One minute, both boobs,
one squeeze.
208
00:07:39,799 --> 00:07:40,583
Deal!
209
00:07:40,588 --> 00:07:43,806
But... if you can't do
everything
210
00:07:43,808 --> 00:07:45,241
and I mean everything,
211
00:07:45,243 --> 00:07:49,578
then you have to wear
Marshall's ducky tie...
212
00:07:49,580 --> 00:07:51,213
for one year.
213
00:07:51,215 --> 00:07:53,966
BOTH: Ooh...
214
00:07:54,935 --> 00:07:56,135
Deal.
215
00:08:00,490 --> 00:08:02,658
So you get to the bakery.
216
00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:04,543
We get to the bakery.
217
00:08:04,545 --> 00:08:06,629
Well, this is great.
218
00:08:06,631 --> 00:08:08,297
You know what else
is getting clean
219
00:08:08,299 --> 00:08:09,682
along with this
cupcake tray?
220
00:08:09,684 --> 00:08:11,333
My conscience.
221
00:08:11,335 --> 00:08:13,519
You got anything else
you need to atone for?
222
00:08:13,521 --> 00:08:14,837
My oven needs cleaning.
223
00:08:14,839 --> 00:08:17,556
Un, no, nothing else.
224
00:08:18,508 --> 00:08:20,159
Not yet anyway.
225
00:08:21,344 --> 00:08:24,563
♪ Bang, bang, bangity-bang,
said a bang-bang-bangity. ♪
226
00:08:24,565 --> 00:08:26,415
I'm getting married.
227
00:08:29,336 --> 00:08:30,836
Bang.
228
00:08:37,037 --> 00:08:39,135
Baby, I think I got yours.
This one has no booze.
229
00:08:39,136 --> 00:08:40,001
Oh, no, that's mine.
230
00:08:40,003 --> 00:08:41,303
Yeah, I don't know
231
00:08:41,305 --> 00:08:43,621
why people think
that Mai Tais need booze.
232
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:44,973
I've been drinking virgins
all night,
233
00:08:44,975 --> 00:08:45,974
and they're delicious.
234
00:08:45,976 --> 00:08:47,976
Yeah, well, enjoy
your Mai Tai
235
00:08:47,978 --> 00:08:52,814
because as of tomorrow night,
you'll be wearing my tie.
236
00:08:52,816 --> 00:08:54,716
Our future child
is so lucky.
237
00:08:54,718 --> 00:08:57,435
Wait. You're not drunk?
238
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:01,523
Huh. I guess not.
239
00:09:01,525 --> 00:09:02,941
(gasps) It's a hustle!
240
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,025
We gettin' hustled!
241
00:09:04,027 --> 00:09:05,944
Oh, this stinks.
242
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,445
This stinks to holy hell!
243
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:09,164
He's gonna win the bet!
244
00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:12,417
Baby, come on. Even if he was
sober as a nun,
245
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,652
there's no way he could do what
these guys do.
246
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:18,990
Exactly. I mean, to learn
the trademark secrets
247
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,125
of Shinjitsu hibachi cooking,
248
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:23,161
one would have to go
all the way...
249
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,330
to Hoboken, New Jersey.
250
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:28,333
Yeah, they have a school there.
251
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,468
It's a six-month course.
They teach you everything.
252
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:31,553
How do you know that?
253
00:09:31,555 --> 00:09:34,022
Maybe I looked it up
on my phone just now.
254
00:09:34,557 --> 00:09:37,726
Then again, maybe not.
255
00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:45,533
So Victoria's getting married.
256
00:09:45,535 --> 00:09:47,185
She's getting married.
257
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:50,355
I'm sorry. I should have
told you that way earlier.
258
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:51,706
No, no, it's fine.
259
00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:53,575
You thought something
was gonna happen.
260
00:09:53,577 --> 00:09:55,126
Like one percent.
261
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,128
Maybe slap on a ring next time.
262
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,197
Well, the problem is,
he hasn't asked me yet.
263
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:01,866
I found the ring in a box
in his sock drawer.
264
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:05,303
Wow! Guy's got a whole drawer
just for socks?
265
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:06,888
Must be nice.
266
00:10:07,823 --> 00:10:10,508
So when's Money Bags
popping the question?
267
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:11,810
I'm pretty sure tomorrow.
268
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:12,977
He's taking me out
269
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:15,546
to a really nice restaurant out
in the Hamptons.
270
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,399
It's right on the water,
271
00:10:17,401 --> 00:10:22,220
so afterwards we'll take a walk
on the beach in the moonlight.
272
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,055
You should probably go.
273
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,124
I don't know.
It sounds pretty intimate.
274
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,375
(dry chuckle)
275
00:10:28,277 --> 00:10:30,561
I'm serious. I feel
like I misled you.
276
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:34,899
Madam, I came here
to wash your dishes.
277
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,201
Nothing more.
278
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:38,903
- Whoa! What was that!?
- What was what?
279
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:41,589
This guy and Barney
just shared a look!
280
00:10:41,591 --> 00:10:42,874
Do you know him?
281
00:10:46,429 --> 00:10:48,630
(gasps) They did it again!
282
00:10:48,632 --> 00:10:50,632
This whole thing stinks,
I tells ya!
283
00:10:50,634 --> 00:10:52,083
It stinks!
284
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:56,271
Lily, are you really suggesting
that Barney spent six months
285
00:10:56,273 --> 00:10:58,690
commuting back and forth
to Hoboken
286
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,176
to learn a signature cooking
style of a restaurant
287
00:11:01,178 --> 00:11:03,745
he doesn't even like
so he could win a bet
288
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:05,447
he hadn't even made yet?
289
00:11:05,449 --> 00:11:07,449
Yeah, the whole thing stinks.
290
00:11:07,451 --> 00:11:09,701
No, it's not possible, okay?
291
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,769
I was the one who said
let's go to Shinjitsu...
292
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,371
(Barney sneezes)
Bless you.
293
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,540
How could Barney have...
294
00:11:20,463 --> 00:11:22,414
You brilliant bastard.
295
00:11:22,416 --> 00:11:24,132
It's all so obvious now.
296
00:11:24,134 --> 00:11:26,384
For the past, oh, I don't
know how long, five years,
297
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,420
every time I've said,
"Let's go to Shinjitsu""
298
00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:29,504
(sneezes)
Bless you.
299
00:11:29,506 --> 00:11:32,640
You've sneezed.
300
00:11:32,642 --> 00:11:33,958
Every time.
301
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,543
MARSHALL:
And little by little...
302
00:11:35,545 --> 00:11:37,178
Let's go to Shinjitsu.
303
00:11:37,180 --> 00:11:39,130
(sneezes)
Bless you. Bless you.
304
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,300
...you forged the association
in my brain.
305
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,618
So what should we do for dinner?
306
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,136
Let's go to Shinjitsu.
(sneezes)
307
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:46,404
Oh, bless you.
Thanks.
308
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,323
MARSHALL:
Until eventually...
309
00:11:48,325 --> 00:11:50,775
Yes, I know I said that
we'd be back Sunday,
310
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:52,577
but guess what?
We are back now!
311
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:53,644
Now what on earth...
312
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,029
Stop bouncing!
What on earth
313
00:11:55,031 --> 00:11:56,814
would make you think that
we'd be okay with this?
314
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:59,601
(sneezes)
Let's go to Shinjitsu.
315
00:11:59,603 --> 00:12:01,503
When you were sick
for a week last year,
316
00:12:01,505 --> 00:12:03,788
I had Shinjitsu
like six times.
317
00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:05,874
You had the knife skills...
318
00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:08,460
you had the trigger...
319
00:12:08,462 --> 00:12:11,713
All you needed then was
to want something from me.
320
00:12:11,715 --> 00:12:15,767
And then one day... those
somethings came a-busting out.
321
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,886
Wapowng!
322
00:12:17,888 --> 00:12:19,888
I am gonna have
to walk this earth,
323
00:12:19,890 --> 00:12:23,007
knowing Barney has
touched my boobs.
324
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:25,009
Yeah. It stays with you.
325
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:27,679
His email reminders don't help.
326
00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:29,397
Okay, Lily, this is ridiculous.
327
00:12:29,399 --> 00:12:31,149
If you want to
call the bet off...
328
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,367
Great! The bet's off!
329
00:12:32,369 --> 00:12:33,918
Let me finish.
330
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,522
Here's the deal: If
you let me just see them--
331
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,707
no touching, just looking--
for one minute...
332
00:12:39,709 --> 00:12:41,242
30 seconds.
For 30 seconds,
333
00:12:41,244 --> 00:12:42,693
in a well-lit
photography studio...
334
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,496
- In the alley.
- In the alley...
335
00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:46,080
then we'll cancel this
entire wager completely.
336
00:12:46,082 --> 00:12:47,415
Do we have a deal?
337
00:12:48,867 --> 00:12:50,335
I totally think you
should take the deal.
338
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:51,869
MARSHALL:
I don't think we have a choice.
339
00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,054
Go on, take the deal.
340
00:12:53,056 --> 00:12:55,173
I'll... think about it.
341
00:12:58,227 --> 00:12:59,594
So you're doing the dishes...
342
00:12:59,596 --> 00:13:00,929
I'm doing the dishes.
343
00:13:00,931 --> 00:13:02,981
All done.
344
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,265
Congratulations.
345
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:07,718
Your karmic slate is
clean and lemony fresh.
346
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,720
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
347
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:12,073
See, now I can start anew,
348
00:13:12,075 --> 00:13:14,943
and hopefully end up as
happy as you and, uh...
349
00:13:14,945 --> 00:13:16,194
Sorry, what's his name?
350
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,246
- Whose name?
- Your fiancé-to-be.
351
00:13:18,248 --> 00:13:19,864
Oh! His name is Klaus.
352
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:21,983
- Klaus.
- Klaus.
353
00:13:21,985 --> 00:13:23,234
German name.
354
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,970
- Yeah, German guy.
- Hmm.
355
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,456
When you were
living in Germany,
356
00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:30,592
and we were doing the whole
long-distance thing...
357
00:13:30,594 --> 00:13:32,343
wasn't there a Klaus
in your class?
358
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,628
There was a Klaus in my class.
359
00:13:33,630 --> 00:13:35,913
- And you and Klaus were close.
- Not that close.
360
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:38,182
Yes, yes, you and the Klaus from
your class were quite close.
361
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:39,267
Kind of close.
362
00:13:39,269 --> 00:13:41,402
- Was that your Klaus?
- My Klaus?
363
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:42,704
- In your class.
- In my class?
364
00:13:42,706 --> 00:13:45,006
Is your Klaus the kind of
close Klaus from your class?
365
00:13:45,008 --> 00:13:46,441
Yes.
366
00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:50,761
You didn't cheat on me
with Klaus, did you?
367
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:53,097
- No. No, I did not.
- Mm.
368
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:54,449
Okay, new question.
369
00:13:54,451 --> 00:13:56,651
After we broke up,
how long were you single
370
00:13:56,653 --> 00:13:58,903
before you and Klaus
started dating?
371
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:02,957
Oh, how long... um, well,
we broke up in April, so...
372
00:14:02,959 --> 00:14:04,792
a day and a half.
373
00:14:04,794 --> 00:14:09,163
Oh, you have got
to be kidding me!
374
00:14:09,165 --> 00:14:10,381
I'm sorry.
375
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,550
So I've spent the last
six years feeling like
376
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:16,287
I completely betrayed you,
when in truth, you...
377
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,473
No, you know what?
378
00:14:20,342 --> 00:14:21,976
(gasps)
379
00:14:21,978 --> 00:14:23,461
Okay. Fine.
380
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:26,230
Just let yourself off the hook
on a technicality!
381
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,433
Forget the fact that
you did cheat on me!
382
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:32,186
Forget it? I will
never forget it. Okay?
383
00:14:32,188 --> 00:14:33,571
I will never stop regretting it,
384
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,440
because what we had
meant that much to me!
385
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,808
I just... I wish it had meant
something to you, too.
386
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,143
Are you kidding?
387
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,212
- I loved you!
- Did you?
388
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,697
Yes.
389
00:14:42,699 --> 00:14:48,319
We had such an amazing
time together.
390
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,504
Do you remember that night
391
00:14:49,506 --> 00:14:50,989
we found that crazy
videotape of Barney?
392
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,458
Game night.
393
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,126
We played that ridiculous
game Marshall invented.
394
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:56,661
- Marshgammon.
- Yeah.
395
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,997
We've played it a few times
since. I still don't get it.
396
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,465
Remember the night we met?
397
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:03,384
I remember you not
letting me kiss you.
398
00:15:03,386 --> 00:15:05,003
Remember why?
399
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:07,021
You had this ridiculous idea
400
00:15:07,023 --> 00:15:08,940
that the moment leading
up to the kiss...
401
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:09,891
The drum roll.
402
00:15:09,893 --> 00:15:12,226
...is as good as
the kiss itself.
403
00:15:12,228 --> 00:15:13,811
Isn't it?
404
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,730
Well, it's certainly
more innocent.
405
00:15:15,732 --> 00:15:17,115
It's completely harmless.
406
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,983
Completely.
407
00:15:32,908 --> 00:15:34,108
- Oh, my God!
- Oh no.
408
00:15:34,110 --> 00:15:35,627
No, no-no-no-no-no.
409
00:15:35,629 --> 00:15:37,779
- I should not have done that.
- No, that was me.
410
00:15:37,781 --> 00:15:40,748
I let you come wash my dishes!
411
00:15:40,750 --> 00:15:42,417
I said my "oven"
needed "cleaning"!
412
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:44,485
I invited you into a porno!
413
00:15:44,487 --> 00:15:45,837
No.
414
00:15:45,839 --> 00:15:47,705
You were right. This is fate.
415
00:15:47,707 --> 00:15:49,707
I needed to see
you one more time
416
00:15:49,709 --> 00:15:51,543
in order to know
for sure about Klaus.
417
00:15:51,545 --> 00:15:53,344
And...?
418
00:15:53,346 --> 00:15:55,880
And...
419
00:15:57,483 --> 00:16:00,335
I have a bus to catch.
420
00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:06,357
Fine, you can see my boobs!
421
00:16:06,359 --> 00:16:07,358
To the alley!
422
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,978
This seems unfair.
423
00:16:09,980 --> 00:16:12,313
I mean, I get that
I'm the only person
424
00:16:12,315 --> 00:16:13,698
not allowed to see this, but...
425
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:16,284
it just, it-it seems unfair.
426
00:16:16,286 --> 00:16:17,735
Come on, Lily, hurry up.
427
00:16:17,737 --> 00:16:19,287
Guys...
428
00:16:19,289 --> 00:16:22,407
You know, I'm all for honoring a
bet, but who invited Takumi?
429
00:16:23,542 --> 00:16:25,243
Sorry, bro.
I tried.
430
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,462
(speaking Japanese)
431
00:16:30,332 --> 00:16:32,033
What's going on?
What am I missing?
432
00:16:32,035 --> 00:16:34,135
Are they out yet?
What do they look like?
433
00:16:34,137 --> 00:16:35,470
Look, I don't want to know!
434
00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:36,871
Just tell me the kind of coin.
435
00:16:36,873 --> 00:16:39,641
Do you know how long
30 seconds is?
436
00:16:39,643 --> 00:16:42,894
It's going to be five seconds of...
(gasps excitedly)
437
00:16:42,896 --> 00:16:45,480
followed by 25 seconds of....
(awkward grunt)
438
00:16:46,398 --> 00:16:48,933
I mean, yes,
seeing Lily's boobs
439
00:16:48,935 --> 00:16:51,436
is all you've ever
wanted, but come on.
440
00:16:51,438 --> 00:16:54,439
All he's ever wanted...
441
00:16:54,441 --> 00:16:55,857
Lily, stop!
442
00:16:55,859 --> 00:16:57,992
Don't you see?
443
00:16:57,994 --> 00:17:00,995
This was his plan all along!
444
00:17:00,997 --> 00:17:04,532
He let us think he knows how
to do all this Shinjitsu stuff,
445
00:17:04,534 --> 00:17:06,567
just so he could
get you out here
446
00:17:06,569 --> 00:17:08,703
whipping out your milk-makers!
447
00:17:08,705 --> 00:17:11,539
You son of a bitch!
448
00:17:11,541 --> 00:17:13,341
The bet is back on!
449
00:17:14,126 --> 00:17:16,410
Nice try, Barney!
450
00:17:16,412 --> 00:17:18,379
Nice try.
451
00:17:18,381 --> 00:17:20,581
(laughing loudly)
452
00:17:30,075 --> 00:17:31,926
(sizzling)
453
00:17:31,928 --> 00:17:34,579
Maybe I was wrong.
454
00:17:34,581 --> 00:17:36,981
Well, I guess that's everything
you asked me to do, is it not?
455
00:17:36,983 --> 00:17:39,400
Oh, wait! The shrimp
in the pocket.
456
00:17:39,402 --> 00:17:40,652
A modern classic.
457
00:17:40,654 --> 00:17:41,686
And now...
458
00:17:41,688 --> 00:17:44,539
for one minute on second base...
459
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:47,458
with a firm yet
sensual squeeze...
460
00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:49,093
Nothing can stop him now.
461
00:17:49,095 --> 00:17:50,762
One thing can.
462
00:17:50,764 --> 00:17:52,130
Make that two things.
463
00:18:12,835 --> 00:18:14,819
No!!
464
00:18:14,821 --> 00:18:18,323
Yeah!
Yeah!
465
00:18:18,325 --> 00:18:20,191
So you take her to the bus...
466
00:18:20,193 --> 00:18:21,859
I take her to the bus.
467
00:18:23,195 --> 00:18:24,746
Well, this feels familiar.
468
00:18:24,748 --> 00:18:27,949
You leaving, me kind of
wanting to say, "Don't go""
469
00:18:27,951 --> 00:18:29,334
Little late for that.
470
00:18:29,336 --> 00:18:31,336
Little bit.
471
00:18:31,338 --> 00:18:33,287
- Don't go.
- Ted...
472
00:18:33,289 --> 00:18:35,039
I'm sorry. I just...
473
00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:36,841
Why didn't I say it then?
474
00:18:36,843 --> 00:18:39,594
Why'd I let you
get on that plane?
475
00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:42,530
Why didn't I get on it with you?
476
00:18:42,532 --> 00:18:46,100
What would our lives be
right now, if we had just...
477
00:18:46,102 --> 00:18:48,553
held on?
478
00:18:48,555 --> 00:18:51,005
Would I have still run into
you at this party tonight...
479
00:18:51,007 --> 00:18:52,974
or would we have been
there together?
480
00:18:52,976 --> 00:18:55,143
We'd go home...
481
00:18:55,145 --> 00:18:57,512
to our home?
482
00:18:58,564 --> 00:19:02,066
You cook. I do the dishes.
483
00:19:03,202 --> 00:19:04,786
I'm happy that you're happy.
484
00:19:04,788 --> 00:19:07,872
But damn it.
485
00:19:07,874 --> 00:19:09,123
What if?
486
00:19:09,125 --> 00:19:11,743
Do you really want
to know the answer to that?
487
00:19:11,745 --> 00:19:13,911
No.
488
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,864
I think it would kill me.
489
00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:19,533
Good-bye, Ted.
490
00:19:29,845 --> 00:19:33,047
And that was it.
491
00:19:33,049 --> 00:19:35,900
Now she's probably engaged.
492
00:19:37,319 --> 00:19:40,221
Maybe it's for the best.
493
00:19:42,324 --> 00:19:46,077
All right. Well...
494
00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:47,962
We're gonna duck out.
495
00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:51,749
Sorry to leave you
with the bill.
496
00:19:51,751 --> 00:19:56,254
Oh, guys, it's gonna
be a good year.
497
00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:58,790
I'm glad you guys can laugh,
498
00:19:58,792 --> 00:20:00,792
'cause I think I'm gonna
be physically ill.
499
00:20:00,794 --> 00:20:02,376
Coming down with a mallardy?
500
00:20:02,378 --> 00:20:04,629
Oh, they look hungry.
There you go.
501
00:20:04,631 --> 00:20:06,264
Here you go.
502
00:20:06,266 --> 00:20:08,933
NARRATOR: Kids, there was
one part I left out.
503
00:20:08,935 --> 00:20:10,935
Good-bye, Ted.
504
00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:16,257
Okay, yes.
What's the answer?
505
00:20:18,227 --> 00:20:23,781
There is a reason that it didn't
work out between you and me,
506
00:20:23,783 --> 00:20:25,733
but it's not Germany.
507
00:20:25,735 --> 00:20:28,352
And I'm willing to bet it's the
same reason none of your other
508
00:20:28,354 --> 00:20:30,771
relationships in the last
six years have lasted either.
509
00:20:30,773 --> 00:20:32,123
It's Robin.
510
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:34,325
No.
511
00:20:34,327 --> 00:20:35,743
Yes.
512
00:20:35,745 --> 00:20:38,746
She is so much bigger
in your world than you realize.
513
00:20:38,748 --> 00:20:42,300
And this thing that you're all
doing, you and Barney and Robin,
514
00:20:42,302 --> 00:20:45,586
where the three of you hang out
at the bar night in, night out,
515
00:20:45,588 --> 00:20:47,472
like you're all just buddies?
516
00:20:47,474 --> 00:20:50,057
That doesn't work. Trust me.
517
00:20:50,059 --> 00:20:52,059
You-You've got it all wrong.
518
00:20:52,061 --> 00:20:53,778
I'm right about this.
519
00:20:55,647 --> 00:20:57,482
Good-bye, Ted.
520
00:21:01,295 --> 00:21:03,795
NARRATOR:
And sure enough, she was right.
521
00:21:03,797 --> 00:21:06,214
It didn't work;
we just didn't realize it yet.
522
00:21:06,216 --> 00:21:10,216
== sync, corrected by elderman ==