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Previously on
Two and a Half Men...
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I think
we can all agree
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that Charlie lived life
to its fullest
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and-and gave it
everything he had.
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Gave me herpes.
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I still don't see
why we have to sell.
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I mean, he left it to me.
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Obviously, he wanted me
to have it.
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Can you make
the mortgage payments?
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Not per say.
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Are you okay?
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Yeah, I'm fine.
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I was just trying
to drown myself.
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You tried to
commit suicide?
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Yeah.
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I had no idea that the water
would be that cold.
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I have been
where you are.
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Uh, rejected,
friendless, broke.
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I'm not broke.
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I'm worth, like,
a billion dollars.
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Beg pardon?
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I just went to one funeral,
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I don't want to be
involved in another one.
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Why don't you and I go out
and have a drink and talk?
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About what?
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Why somebody would want
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to kill themselves when they
have a billion freakin' dollars.
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My...
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00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:58,023
wife dumped me,
and I want to die.
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I don't know
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if I can ever love anyone
the way that I love her.
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Oh, it'll be okay.
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Oh, God,
I miss my wife!
34
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Guess what.
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I had sex
with two girls last night.
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Great. Um, I masturbated
and cried myself to sleep.
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I like my night better.
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Hey, I dig your house,
so I'm gonna buy it, okay?
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O-Okay.
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You're the best.
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Oh. Ugh.
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Whoa.
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00:01:37,947 --> 00:01:40,282
Um, this is Walden.
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He's gonna buy
the house.
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Welcome to
my humble abode.
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♪ Men. ♪
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So, what do think?
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Will you stay on?
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00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:58,950
I'd consider it,
if the price is right.
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I'd also consider
smothering you
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with my sweet, sweet loving.
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Well, money is not an issue.
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Good to know.
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Ka-ching.
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What's down here?
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Ice.
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Mm. I like it better on top.
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Me, too, puppy.
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Anyway, what I
really need is
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a housekeeper who's gonna
be here all the time.
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'Cause, you know, I'm not very
good at king care of myself.
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Oh, I can take care of you.
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00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,564
Oh, I can
take care of you.
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Well, my car's all packed.
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I guess I'm ready to go.
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Great news, Alan.
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Berta has agreed to be
my live-in housekeeper.
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Really?
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Yeah, he talked me into it.
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I wonder what his sweat
tastes like.
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Well, that is good news.
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Uh, here are
a couple of sets of keys,
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remotes for the garage,
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and remember,
garbage pickup is on Tuesday.
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Oh, you take care
of the garbage, right?
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Nope.
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Well, uh, guess it's time
for me to go.
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Wait. Come here.
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Give us a hug good-bye.
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Seriously?
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Come on, Alan.
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Despite everything, you and me
have been like family.
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Uh, I guess.
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(chuckles)
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I'm taking
your room, Zippy.
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Of course you are.
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Well, see ya.
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I'll walk you out.
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I could bite that ass
like an apple.
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Well, I hope you'll be
very happy here, Walden.
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Thank you. I don't
know if I can be
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happy anywhere
without my wife.
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Oh, come on,
you're young, you're rich,
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and you've got a face
that gives women an erection.
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What about love?
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What about commitment?
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What about spending a lifetime
with your spiritual soul mate?
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Hey, look, a peephole!
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Hello!
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Man, I love peepholes.
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Well, you know what they say.
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People who love peepholes...
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are the luckiest people
in the world.
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Okay, good luck.
105
00:04:08,098 --> 00:04:13,518
Hey, thank you
for all your help and advice.
106
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,770
Oh, you're welcome.
107
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Uh, and if you ever need
a friend to talk to man-to-man,
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you know where to find me.
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Your mommy's.
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Only temporarily.
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Okay.
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Well, uh, if I left
anything here,
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feel free to, you know, keep it,
throw it away, whatever.
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Great. Bye.
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Bye.
116
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Bye!
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(sighs)
118
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Okay, Walden Schmidt.
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It is time to start your new
life as a single man in Malibu.
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Hello?
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Dad?
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♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
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♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
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♪ Two and a Half Men 9x02 ♪
People Who Love Peepholes
Original Air Date on September 26, 2011
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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♪ Men. ♪
127
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Why are you
unpacking?
128
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Because you told me
I could stay here.
129
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Temporarily.
130
00:05:24,061 --> 00:05:26,378
Yeah, a few days,
a couple of weeks,
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a month, tops.
132
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Yeah, right.
133
00:05:29,717 --> 00:05:32,351
Why can't you just stay
with your girlfriend?
134
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Oh, oh, this isn't a very good
time for Lyndsey and I
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to be moving in together.
136
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Why not?
137
00:05:36,657 --> 00:05:37,856
Well, she's going through
138
00:05:37,858 --> 00:05:39,909
one of those phases where,
uh, the very touch of me
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00:05:39,911 --> 00:05:41,026
fills her with revulsion.
140
00:05:41,028 --> 00:05:42,278
Um...
141
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,396
I-I'm thinking
it's premenopause.
142
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Yes, I'm sure that's why.
143
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Well, just so you know,
144
00:05:48,452 --> 00:05:50,669
I'm not putting my life on hold
while you're here.
145
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Oh, and I wouldn't
expect you to.
146
00:05:52,340 --> 00:05:53,672
Just go on with your life.
147
00:05:53,674 --> 00:05:56,175
Do whatever it is you would do,
as if I weren't here.
148
00:05:56,177 --> 00:05:57,426
Well, I have a date tonight.
149
00:05:57,428 --> 00:05:58,744
Oh, great.
(chuckles)
150
00:05:58,746 --> 00:06:01,263
We'll probably
wind up having sex.
151
00:06:01,265 --> 00:06:02,932
Sure.
152
00:06:02,934 --> 00:06:04,266
Rough sex.
153
00:06:05,769 --> 00:06:07,419
Right.
154
00:06:07,421 --> 00:06:09,421
So, stay away from my bedroom.
155
00:06:09,423 --> 00:06:10,589
No problem.
156
00:06:10,591 --> 00:06:12,424
Even if you hear me screaming.
157
00:06:12,426 --> 00:06:14,310
Especially if I hear you
screaming.
158
00:06:14,312 --> 00:06:17,780
Unless I'm repeatedly
screaming "umbrella."
159
00:06:17,782 --> 00:06:19,264
U-Umbrella?
160
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That's my safe word.
161
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Sometimes they can't hear it
through the leather mask.
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00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:30,609
Most moms would've stopped with
"I have a date tonight."
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00:06:32,045 --> 00:06:34,246
♪ Men. ♪
164
00:06:34,248 --> 00:06:36,265
Hey, Bridge, it's me again.
165
00:06:36,267 --> 00:06:38,834
What is the name of
that shampoo that I use
166
00:06:38,836 --> 00:06:41,286
that doesn't sting my eyes?
167
00:06:41,288 --> 00:06:43,288
Baby shampoo?
168
00:06:44,624 --> 00:06:46,291
Where do I get it?
169
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Any supermarket.
170
00:06:50,181 --> 00:06:53,465
That is remarkably convenient.
171
00:06:53,467 --> 00:06:56,151
Oh, uh, while I have you
on the phone,
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will you take me back?
173
00:06:59,639 --> 00:07:03,442
Wow, it's like "no"
is your favorite word now.
174
00:07:03,444 --> 00:07:05,310
Okay, whoa, don't hang up,
don't hang up.
175
00:07:05,312 --> 00:07:08,080
Hey, uh, what is
the toilet paper that we use?
176
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You know, the stuff that's
soft on my tushy like a cloud.
177
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You grow up.
178
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H-Hello?
179
00:07:25,015 --> 00:07:27,499
Hey, Berta, will you
run to the supermarket
180
00:07:27,501 --> 00:07:29,601
and get me baby shampoo?
Sure.
181
00:07:29,603 --> 00:07:33,188
Then I'll sit in the tub
with you and wash your hair.
182
00:07:33,190 --> 00:07:35,324
Oh, Berta.
183
00:07:36,643 --> 00:07:38,527
I miss her so much.
184
00:07:38,529 --> 00:07:39,862
Oh, hey.
185
00:07:39,864 --> 00:07:42,531
Hey, everything's
gonna be all right.
186
00:07:42,533 --> 00:07:44,283
Just wait and see.
187
00:07:44,285 --> 00:07:47,986
I've never felt
so bad in my life.
188
00:07:49,823 --> 00:07:52,491
And I never felt so good.
189
00:07:55,995 --> 00:07:57,513
EVELYN:
Don't!
190
00:07:58,698 --> 00:08:00,582
Stop!
191
00:08:02,385 --> 00:08:04,920
Don't!
192
00:08:04,922 --> 00:08:07,256
Stop!
193
00:08:07,258 --> 00:08:08,590
What are you doing?
194
00:08:08,592 --> 00:08:10,342
I said don't stop!
195
00:08:11,761 --> 00:08:14,379
I should be on the roof
with a rifle.
196
00:08:17,884 --> 00:08:20,235
- Oh. Hey, Walden.
- Hey.
197
00:08:20,237 --> 00:08:22,387
Uh, you left some books
in your room.
198
00:08:22,389 --> 00:08:23,689
Oh, thank you.
199
00:08:23,691 --> 00:08:25,891
Um, you didn't have to
drive all the way over here.
200
00:08:25,893 --> 00:08:27,693
Is it really possible
to hypnotize a woman
201
00:08:27,695 --> 00:08:28,911
and make her your slave?
202
00:08:28,913 --> 00:08:30,729
Oh.
203
00:08:30,731 --> 00:08:32,998
That was a, that was a
gag gift for my birthday.
204
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,199
(chuckles)
205
00:08:34,201 --> 00:08:36,585
What about Ten Minutes a Day
to Incredible Wealth?
206
00:08:36,587 --> 00:08:38,921
Oh, good, that's
my poop book.
207
00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:44,626
Um, I'd invite you in,
208
00:08:44,628 --> 00:08:47,262
but my mom doesn't let
me have friends over.
209
00:08:47,264 --> 00:08:48,430
That's cool.
210
00:08:48,432 --> 00:08:51,082
Mm.
211
00:08:51,084 --> 00:08:53,268
You want to go out
and maybe do something?
212
00:08:53,270 --> 00:08:54,887
What do you
have in mind?
213
00:08:54,889 --> 00:08:56,438
EVELYN:
Umbrella!
214
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:57,556
Doesn't matter,
let's go.
215
00:08:57,558 --> 00:08:59,758
Umbrella!
Umbrella! Umbr...
216
00:09:03,396 --> 00:09:05,030
ALAN:
Nice car.
217
00:09:05,032 --> 00:09:06,115
What is it?
218
00:09:06,117 --> 00:09:07,933
It's an
electric Fisker.
219
00:09:07,935 --> 00:09:09,818
State-of-the-art
lithium ion technology
220
00:09:09,820 --> 00:09:11,954
supplemented with a
turbo-charged engine.
221
00:09:11,956 --> 00:09:13,238
Solar panels
on the roof.
222
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:14,239
Oh, blue Volkswagen.
223
00:09:14,241 --> 00:09:15,424
Punchbug!
224
00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:19,628
So, how much does
something like this cost?
225
00:09:19,630 --> 00:09:21,279
About a hundred grand.
226
00:09:21,281 --> 00:09:22,614
It's great for the environment.
227
00:09:22,616 --> 00:09:24,883
I don't know why anyone
would drive anything else.
228
00:09:24,885 --> 00:09:27,886
Speaking for myself,
bone-crushing poverty
229
00:09:27,888 --> 00:09:30,172
is something of
a stumbling block.
230
00:09:30,174 --> 00:09:31,757
Maybe you could lease.
231
00:09:33,125 --> 00:09:35,811
I got a confession
to make, Alan.
232
00:09:35,813 --> 00:09:36,929
Me, too.
233
00:09:36,931 --> 00:09:39,932
The hypnotism book
wasn't really a gift.
234
00:09:39,934 --> 00:09:43,152
I really came over because...
235
00:09:43,154 --> 00:09:45,070
I was kind of lonely.
236
00:09:45,072 --> 00:09:46,405
Oh, sure, sure.
237
00:09:46,407 --> 00:09:47,523
I been there.
238
00:09:47,525 --> 00:09:48,907
A lot.
239
00:09:48,909 --> 00:09:50,642
In fact, I'm there now.
240
00:09:50,644 --> 00:09:52,444
I've never really spent
much time alone.
241
00:09:52,446 --> 00:09:54,196
I've been with Bridget
since high school.
242
00:09:54,198 --> 00:09:56,782
Mm. High school sweethearts.
243
00:09:56,784 --> 00:09:58,200
When I was in high school,
244
00:09:58,202 --> 00:10:00,702
I was dating a poster
of Molly Ringwald.
245
00:10:02,455 --> 00:10:04,790
You know, back then,
she was crazy in love with me.
246
00:10:04,792 --> 00:10:06,675
I didn't even have
any money then.
247
00:10:06,677 --> 00:10:08,544
Oh, I'm sure
she still loves you.
248
00:10:08,546 --> 00:10:10,662
No.
249
00:10:10,664 --> 00:10:13,015
She's changed.
250
00:10:13,017 --> 00:10:15,300
Her heart has become
cold and angry.
251
00:10:15,302 --> 00:10:18,470
Um, you're starting to go
a little fast there, buddy.
252
00:10:18,472 --> 00:10:19,771
(chuckles)
253
00:10:19,773 --> 00:10:21,773
I mean, who just wakes up
one day and all of a sudden
254
00:10:21,775 --> 00:10:23,008
decides they don't want
to be married anymore?
255
00:10:23,010 --> 00:10:25,394
Uh, well, actually,
it only seems that way.
256
00:10:25,396 --> 00:10:26,678
In my experience,
257
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,064
they've been mulling it over
for quite a while.
258
00:10:29,066 --> 00:10:32,234
Uh, you know, the speed limit
is 35, and you're going,
259
00:10:32,236 --> 00:10:33,685
oh, oh, 80.
260
00:10:33,687 --> 00:10:35,287
(laughs nervously)
261
00:10:35,289 --> 00:10:37,072
I mean, what ever happened
to till death do us part?
262
00:10:37,074 --> 00:10:38,240
Yeah, who died?
263
00:10:38,242 --> 00:10:39,408
Not you, not her.
264
00:10:39,410 --> 00:10:41,043
Oh, good golly, 95.
265
00:10:41,045 --> 00:10:42,077
(tires screeching)
266
00:10:42,079 --> 00:10:43,295
Whoa! Whoa!
267
00:10:43,297 --> 00:10:44,913
This thing really
takes the corners.
268
00:10:44,915 --> 00:10:46,915
I love her, Alan,
and I want her back.
269
00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:47,916
Well, I know you do.
270
00:10:47,918 --> 00:10:49,218
Oh, 103, Walden, 103.
271
00:10:49,220 --> 00:10:51,920
Life is not worth
living without Bridget!
272
00:10:51,922 --> 00:10:53,305
Truck, truck, truck!
(truck horn blaring)
273
00:10:53,307 --> 00:10:55,540
It hurts so much, I
can't take it anymore!
274
00:10:55,542 --> 00:10:56,925
Umbrella!
275
00:10:56,927 --> 00:10:58,160
♪ Men. ♪
276
00:11:02,575 --> 00:11:05,377
WALDEN: I'm sorry I scared you
by driving so fast.
277
00:11:06,563 --> 00:11:08,214
That's okay.
278
00:11:08,216 --> 00:11:11,734
I'm sorry I peed a little
on your seat.
279
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,110
Where are we?
280
00:11:15,111 --> 00:11:16,544
We're going
to my house.
281
00:11:16,546 --> 00:11:18,490
I got to talk Bridget
into taking me back.
282
00:11:18,491 --> 00:11:19,440
Oh, no.
283
00:11:19,442 --> 00:11:20,908
No, no, bad idea.
284
00:11:20,910 --> 00:11:23,327
When a woman says she doesn't
want you, begging does not help.
285
00:11:23,329 --> 00:11:25,446
And I say this having spent
more time on my knees
286
00:11:25,448 --> 00:11:26,947
than any straight man
in America.
287
00:11:26,949 --> 00:11:29,833
What is this,
a gated community?
288
00:11:29,835 --> 00:11:32,536
No, it's just
my house.
289
00:11:32,538 --> 00:11:33,537
Wow.
290
00:11:33,539 --> 00:11:35,038
Instead of going
to chiropractor school,
291
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:36,573
I should have
married a billionaire.
292
00:11:36,575 --> 00:11:38,792
Next time,
you'll know.
293
00:11:41,129 --> 00:11:42,930
BRIDGET:
What are you doing here, Walden?
294
00:11:42,932 --> 00:11:44,932
I just want to talk to you.
295
00:11:44,934 --> 00:11:46,767
Go away or I'll call the police!
296
00:11:46,769 --> 00:11:48,685
"Go away
or I'll call the police."
297
00:11:48,687 --> 00:11:50,754
(chuckles)
Man, that takes me back.
298
00:11:50,756 --> 00:11:53,423
Um, what do you say
I drive us home?
299
00:11:53,425 --> 00:11:54,525
How about that?
300
00:11:54,527 --> 00:11:55,943
I'm not giving up that easy.
301
00:11:55,945 --> 00:11:57,361
Oh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
302
00:11:57,363 --> 00:11:58,479
W-Where...?
303
00:11:58,481 --> 00:12:00,531
You heard what she said
about the police, right?
304
00:12:00,533 --> 00:12:02,766
I'm going to get my wife back.
Come on.
305
00:12:02,768 --> 00:12:04,434
Come on?
What's my part in this?
306
00:12:04,436 --> 00:12:06,370
I need you to help me
over the gate.
307
00:12:06,372 --> 00:12:07,371
O-Okay.
308
00:12:07,373 --> 00:12:09,373
Again, voice of experience here.
309
00:12:09,375 --> 00:12:12,826
Criminal trespass usually ends
with her dating the cop.
310
00:12:12,828 --> 00:12:14,828
Will you just come on.
311
00:12:14,830 --> 00:12:17,748
(groans)
312
00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:19,115
Here, give me a hand.
313
00:12:19,117 --> 00:12:21,552
Here, let me go.
I'm going this way.
314
00:12:21,554 --> 00:12:23,220
I got it.
I got it.
315
00:12:23,222 --> 00:12:24,137
(grunts)
316
00:12:24,139 --> 00:12:25,339
Okay, okay.
I got it.
317
00:12:25,341 --> 00:12:28,008
Good luck.
318
00:12:28,010 --> 00:12:29,292
Come on.
319
00:12:29,294 --> 00:12:31,795
Again, come on?
320
00:12:31,797 --> 00:12:33,814
I may need your help
getting in a window.
321
00:12:33,816 --> 00:12:35,182
Oh, terrific.
322
00:12:35,184 --> 00:12:36,934
Now I'm Spider-Man.
323
00:12:38,736 --> 00:12:40,103
I got you.
324
00:12:43,358 --> 00:12:46,159
Walden, do not make me
turn that gate on.
325
00:12:46,161 --> 00:12:48,245
W-What does that mean?
326
00:12:48,247 --> 00:12:49,496
Turn the gate on?
327
00:12:49,498 --> 00:12:51,315
Don't worry, she's bluffing.
328
00:12:51,317 --> 00:12:54,618
(both screaming)
329
00:12:57,705 --> 00:12:59,923
(loud thud)
330
00:13:06,347 --> 00:13:09,666
I still have
a buzzing in my ears.
331
00:13:09,668 --> 00:13:13,053
I can't hear you, I have
a buzzing in my ears.
332
00:13:13,055 --> 00:13:15,722
God, Walden, what
is wrong with you?
333
00:13:15,724 --> 00:13:19,776
Well, if loving you
is wrong, then...
334
00:13:19,778 --> 00:13:22,012
I am wrong.
335
00:13:22,014 --> 00:13:23,697
It's true.
336
00:13:23,699 --> 00:13:25,649
He talks about you all the time.
337
00:13:25,651 --> 00:13:26,984
(warbling buzz)
338
00:13:26,986 --> 00:13:29,152
Okay, I expect
this kind of thing from him;
339
00:13:29,154 --> 00:13:31,204
he has the emotional maturity
of a 12-year-old.
340
00:13:31,206 --> 00:13:32,472
What's your excuse?
341
00:13:32,474 --> 00:13:34,575
Uh, I live at my mom's,
and she's having
342
00:13:34,577 --> 00:13:37,844
rough sex with a stranger, and
I had to get out of the house.
343
00:13:39,464 --> 00:13:43,550
Honey, I just don't understand
why we can't work things out.
344
00:13:43,552 --> 00:13:45,669
Okay, I'll tell you again.
345
00:13:45,671 --> 00:13:47,671
Oh, this part
is never good.
346
00:13:47,673 --> 00:13:50,507
I'm tired of living
with a child.
347
00:13:50,509 --> 00:13:53,460
I'm tired of being
more of a mother than a wife.
348
00:13:53,462 --> 00:13:54,928
Whoa, oh,
whoa, whoa.
349
00:13:54,930 --> 00:13:57,180
You are not more of
a mother than a wife.
350
00:13:57,182 --> 00:13:58,671
Really? Who picks out
your clothes?
351
00:13:58,696 --> 00:13:59,767
You.
352
00:13:59,768 --> 00:14:00,979
Who tells you
when to go to sleep?
353
00:14:01,004 --> 00:14:02,204
You.
354
00:14:02,321 --> 00:14:04,187
Who does all the cooking
and cleaning around here?
355
00:14:04,189 --> 00:14:06,056
The cooking and the
cleaning ladies.
356
00:14:06,058 --> 00:14:07,223
Before we were rich!
357
00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:09,443
You.
358
00:14:09,445 --> 00:14:12,779
Look, Walden, you're a sweet guy
359
00:14:12,781 --> 00:14:15,198
and I'll always love you,
360
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,618
but I can't live
with Peter Pan anymore.
361
00:14:17,620 --> 00:14:20,003
Uh, now, now,
to be fair,
362
00:14:20,005 --> 00:14:22,238
uh, Peter Pan
didn't want to grow up.
363
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:25,759
Uh, from what I understand,
Walden's just never had to.
364
00:14:26,844 --> 00:14:29,129
Sorry.
365
00:14:29,131 --> 00:14:33,249
Seemed important
up here.
366
00:14:33,251 --> 00:14:36,887
Down here,
not so much.
367
00:14:38,523 --> 00:14:41,391
Bridget, believe
me, I can grow up.
368
00:14:41,393 --> 00:14:42,559
Oh, please.
369
00:14:42,561 --> 00:14:44,427
At least give me
a chance to try.
370
00:14:44,429 --> 00:14:45,946
(warbling buzz)
371
00:14:45,948 --> 00:14:46,947
(warbling buzz)
372
00:14:46,949 --> 00:14:48,982
I gave you 15 years.
373
00:14:48,984 --> 00:14:50,817
It's over!
374
00:14:50,819 --> 00:14:53,036
Okay.
375
00:14:54,489 --> 00:14:55,872
Can I at least play
376
00:14:55,874 --> 00:14:57,824
a little Donkey Kong
with Alan before I go?
377
00:14:57,826 --> 00:14:58,909
Are you insane?!
378
00:14:58,911 --> 00:14:59,910
Get out!
379
00:14:59,912 --> 00:15:01,795
Oh, yeah, fine,
I'm insane!
380
00:15:01,797 --> 00:15:02,829
(wild grunting)
381
00:15:02,831 --> 00:15:04,915
Come on, Alan!
382
00:15:04,917 --> 00:15:07,801
Thank you for the water
and the... (warbling buzz)
383
00:15:09,554 --> 00:15:11,888
Hold on.
384
00:15:11,890 --> 00:15:14,391
(door opens, closes)
385
00:15:14,393 --> 00:15:15,909
Let's go.
386
00:15:22,650 --> 00:15:25,819
Where does she get off
calling me a child?
387
00:15:25,821 --> 00:15:28,905
Um, you seem a little upset;
maybe I should drive us. Um...
388
00:15:28,907 --> 00:15:30,691
She is a stupid-head.
389
00:15:30,693 --> 00:15:32,359
Oh, oh, white Volkswagen.
Huh?
390
00:15:32,361 --> 00:15:33,860
Huh? Come on.
391
00:15:35,697 --> 00:15:37,030
Oh, wait, wait,
I've got an idea.
392
00:15:37,032 --> 00:15:39,149
Why don't we stop,
have a drink and talk about it.
393
00:15:39,151 --> 00:15:41,034
Drinking is not the answer.
394
00:15:41,036 --> 00:15:44,487
No, stopping is the answer!
395
00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:49,492
Oh, dear God,
where is that toilet paper?!
396
00:16:07,278 --> 00:16:09,479
(chuckles softly)
397
00:16:28,866 --> 00:16:30,834
Oh, boy.
398
00:16:32,670 --> 00:16:34,204
(snorts)
399
00:16:36,007 --> 00:16:38,208
Alan?
400
00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:41,178
Yeah?
401
00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:44,347
Why are you
lying on top of me?
402
00:16:44,349 --> 00:16:47,567
'Cause I didn't want
to be on the bottom?
403
00:16:51,322 --> 00:16:53,423
I think we're naked.
404
00:16:53,425 --> 00:16:56,559
Yeah. You can ignore
what's going on down there.
405
00:16:58,279 --> 00:17:00,530
That was a
morning reflex.
406
00:17:02,166 --> 00:17:04,201
Could you get it
off of me, please?
407
00:17:04,203 --> 00:17:07,120
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
408
00:17:07,122 --> 00:17:09,339
(groans)
409
00:17:11,542 --> 00:17:13,009
Do you remember anything?
410
00:17:13,011 --> 00:17:14,294
Uh...
411
00:17:14,296 --> 00:17:17,747
we went to a liquor store,
and then we came back here.
412
00:17:17,749 --> 00:17:19,582
(sighs)
413
00:17:19,584 --> 00:17:21,584
Then we went
skinny dipping.
414
00:17:21,586 --> 00:17:22,636
Right, right.
415
00:17:22,638 --> 00:17:24,638
Whose idea was that?
416
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,139
Mine.
417
00:17:26,141 --> 00:17:28,708
Shh.
418
00:17:31,779 --> 00:17:33,847
♪ Men. ♪
419
00:17:35,316 --> 00:17:37,984
Okay, your pants
are clean.
420
00:17:37,986 --> 00:17:39,736
Thank you.
421
00:17:39,738 --> 00:17:42,956
Two words for you:
adult diapers.
422
00:17:42,958 --> 00:17:45,792
Look, Walden was driving
ridiculously fast,
423
00:17:45,794 --> 00:17:47,544
and-and I have
a nervous bladder.
424
00:17:47,546 --> 00:17:48,662
Save it, Zippy.
425
00:17:48,664 --> 00:17:51,598
This is not my first
pee stain rodeo with you.
426
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:52,766
(knocks)
427
00:17:56,087 --> 00:17:57,304
(Australian accent):
Hi. Is Charlie here?
428
00:17:57,306 --> 00:17:59,089
Oh, God, another one.
429
00:17:59,091 --> 00:18:02,008
You deal with it.
430
00:18:02,010 --> 00:18:04,477
Um, hi.
I'm-I'm Charlie's brother Alan.
431
00:18:04,479 --> 00:18:05,478
I'm Penelope.
432
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:06,646
Is he here?
433
00:18:06,648 --> 00:18:09,649
Uh, maybe you better sit down.
434
00:18:09,651 --> 00:18:11,467
Is-Is everything okay?
435
00:18:11,469 --> 00:18:13,653
Um, no.
436
00:18:13,655 --> 00:18:17,307
Penelope, the-the thing is,
uh, Charlie passed away.
437
00:18:17,309 --> 00:18:18,859
What?
438
00:18:18,861 --> 00:18:20,610
It was very sudden.
439
00:18:20,612 --> 00:18:22,412
Oh, my God.
440
00:18:22,414 --> 00:18:24,497
I'm sorry, he was just
such a terrific guy.
441
00:18:24,499 --> 00:18:25,916
I can't believe he's gone.
442
00:18:25,918 --> 00:18:28,268
Hey, what's going on?
443
00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:31,371
Hello, I'm Penelope.
444
00:18:31,373 --> 00:18:33,707
Hi. I'm Walden.
445
00:18:33,709 --> 00:18:35,041
What are you crying about?
446
00:18:35,043 --> 00:18:36,943
I have no idea.
447
00:18:36,945 --> 00:18:39,546
Don't worry about me,
I'll let myself out.
448
00:18:40,381 --> 00:18:41,548
You smell good.
449
00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:44,301
Oh, thank you.
It's baby shampoo.
450
00:18:44,303 --> 00:18:46,069
"What are you crying about?"
451
00:18:46,071 --> 00:18:48,388
(Australian accent):
"I have no idea."
452
00:18:50,507 --> 00:18:53,026
Oh, Bridget. Hi.
453
00:18:53,028 --> 00:18:54,277
Hi.
454
00:18:54,279 --> 00:18:55,678
I came to talk to Walden.
455
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:56,563
Really?
456
00:18:56,565 --> 00:18:57,564
Yeah, I think maybe
457
00:18:57,566 --> 00:18:59,316
I've been a little
hard on him.
458
00:18:59,318 --> 00:19:01,868
Well, um...
459
00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:02,869
Bridget?
460
00:19:02,871 --> 00:19:04,621
Hey.
461
00:19:04,623 --> 00:19:05,972
Walden?
462
00:19:05,974 --> 00:19:07,874
Look who came
to talk to you, Walden.
463
00:19:07,876 --> 00:19:08,875
Your wife.
464
00:19:08,877 --> 00:19:10,543
You're married?
465
00:19:10,545 --> 00:19:11,828
Oh, yeah, long time married.
466
00:19:11,830 --> 00:19:12,862
Uh, they just met.
467
00:19:12,864 --> 00:19:14,547
This is Penelope, my girlfriend.
468
00:19:14,549 --> 00:19:16,750
What?
Shut up and walk.
469
00:19:19,303 --> 00:19:20,487
I'm-I'm glad you came.
470
00:19:20,489 --> 00:19:21,922
Come, sit-sit down.
471
00:19:21,924 --> 00:19:24,341
When I saw you with that girl,
472
00:19:24,343 --> 00:19:26,343
I thought that maybe
she was with you.
473
00:19:26,345 --> 00:19:27,543
(chuckles)
474
00:19:27,545 --> 00:19:29,179
You're kidding, right?
475
00:19:29,181 --> 00:19:31,348
I mean, come on,
Alan's the ladies' man.
476
00:19:31,350 --> 00:19:32,565
He's a total
pickup artist.
477
00:19:32,567 --> 00:19:33,716
ALAN:
Come on!
478
00:19:33,718 --> 00:19:35,986
Charlie's dead,
Walden's married,
479
00:19:35,988 --> 00:19:38,855
what's wrong
with me?!
480
00:19:39,657 --> 00:19:41,825
♪ Men. ♪
481
00:19:42,779 --> 00:19:44,030
♪ Men. ♪
482
00:19:44,032 --> 00:19:45,114
So, I was thinking
483
00:19:45,116 --> 00:19:46,749
we could go out to
dinner sometime.
484
00:19:46,751 --> 00:19:48,868
Let me prove that
I can change.
485
00:19:48,870 --> 00:19:50,136
I can be a grown-up.
486
00:19:50,138 --> 00:19:52,104
I guess I owe you
that much.
487
00:19:52,106 --> 00:19:54,473
Sweet!
488
00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:57,576
Sorry to interrupt.
489
00:19:57,578 --> 00:20:00,162
I was just on a little jog
with my lady.
490
00:20:00,164 --> 00:20:01,881
Uh, I'll, uh,
491
00:20:01,883 --> 00:20:03,215
get out of your way.
492
00:20:03,217 --> 00:20:04,850
Uh, hold on.
493
00:20:04,852 --> 00:20:07,853
I'm-I'm going to say
good-bye to my guest,
494
00:20:07,855 --> 00:20:10,640
because that's the grown-up
thing to do, right?
495
00:20:17,230 --> 00:20:18,698
Alan, thank you.
496
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,349
You saved my
butt back there.
497
00:20:20,351 --> 00:20:22,318
Oh, I'm glad
things are working out.
498
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,369
I owe you big-time.
499
00:20:23,371 --> 00:20:24,820
If there's anything
that you need,
500
00:20:24,822 --> 00:20:27,590
any way I can help you,
you just let me know.
501
00:20:29,376 --> 00:20:34,080
Well, since you mention it,
you could do me a little favor.
502
00:20:34,082 --> 00:20:35,047
Name it.
503
00:20:35,049 --> 00:20:36,666
Well, really uncomfortable
504
00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:37,800
living at my mom's.
505
00:20:37,802 --> 00:20:40,252
Um, do you think I could
stay here for a few days
506
00:20:40,254 --> 00:20:41,537
till I find my own place?
507
00:20:41,539 --> 00:20:42,805
No problem.
508
00:20:42,807 --> 00:20:44,707
Few days, couple weeks.
509
00:20:44,709 --> 00:20:45,725
Yeah, done.
510
00:20:45,727 --> 00:20:48,043
Month, tops.
511
00:20:48,045 --> 00:20:49,512
Whatever.
512
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:50,879
Great, great. Thanks.
513
00:20:50,881 --> 00:20:52,264
And, uh, and don't worry,
514
00:20:52,266 --> 00:20:53,983
I'm not one
to overstay my welcome.
515
00:20:53,985 --> 00:20:55,184
Cool.
516
00:20:58,972 --> 00:21:00,306
I'm back.
517
00:21:00,308 --> 00:21:04,308
== sync, corrected by elderman ==