1
00:00:20,203 --> 00:00:21,853
Virginia!
2
00:00:21,905 --> 00:00:24,323
Your cousin Delilah sent you
a cardboard chicken!
3
00:00:28,545 --> 00:00:30,129
Damn.
4
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,414
Chickens with DVDs
inside of 'em.
5
00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:34,917
Technology's moving
too fast for me.
6
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,763
Well, here we go.
7
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,886
America's ugliest home videos.
8
00:00:51,938 --> 00:00:53,188
Hear ye, hear ye!
9
00:00:53,239 --> 00:00:55,323
There's gonna be a grand ball,
10
00:00:55,391 --> 00:00:56,942
because this princess
11
00:00:57,026 --> 00:00:59,327
has finally found
her Prince Charming.
12
00:01:03,332 --> 00:01:07,119
No we are sparing no expenses
since my Air Force officer
13
00:01:07,203 --> 00:01:09,871
just got a big fat bonus for...
14
00:01:09,922 --> 00:01:12,674
well, I can't tell you why,
15
00:01:12,741 --> 00:01:15,844
but let's just say the Israelis
are gonna get blamed for it.
16
00:01:15,911 --> 00:01:18,213
Now, I know
not all of you have the money
17
00:01:18,264 --> 00:01:20,048
to fly to Las Vegas.
18
00:01:20,099 --> 00:01:21,983
Especially my cousin Virginia.
19
00:01:22,051 --> 00:01:23,852
Although I don't know
why people just can't fly
20
00:01:23,919 --> 00:01:26,388
Southwest since
their fares are so low.
21
00:01:26,439 --> 00:01:29,274
Virginia, maybe you could sneak
into someone's suitcase
22
00:01:29,358 --> 00:01:31,476
since on Southwest,
bags fly for free.
23
00:01:36,449 --> 00:01:38,366
Birds!
24
00:01:39,702 --> 00:01:41,603
're not to Veg.
25
00:01:41,654 --> 00:01:42,821
Delilah only invited us
26
00:01:42,905 --> 00:01:44,289
to her wedding
for the same reason
27
00:01:44,373 --> 00:01:46,074
she used to invite me
to all her parties.
28
00:01:46,125 --> 00:01:47,542
Just to humiliate me.
29
00:01:47,610 --> 00:01:50,111
Oh, I just love it!
30
00:01:50,163 --> 00:01:53,165
I want to thank you all
so much for the amazing gifts.
31
00:01:53,249 --> 00:01:55,116
I love these new clothes.
32
00:01:55,168 --> 00:01:57,169
And my cousin Ginny
should thank you, too,
33
00:01:57,253 --> 00:01:59,721
'cause she gets all my old ones,
'cause she's poor.
34
00:02:02,958 --> 00:02:04,793
Now, who's ready to dance?!
35
00:02:15,571 --> 00:02:17,489
Yeah, but you're kids then.
You can handle her now.
36
00:02:17,573 --> 00:02:19,274
I don't care.
We're not going to that wedding.
37
00:02:19,325 --> 00:02:22,611
I hate her, plus,
you're addicteto gambling.
38
00:02:22,662 --> 00:02:24,496
Really? Are you...
addicted to gambling?
39
00:02:24,580 --> 00:02:26,331
No, but pantly
Virginia's addicted
40
00:02:26,415 --> 00:02:28,650
to making me look bad
in front of company.
41
00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:29,701
We're not going.
42
00:02:29,785 --> 00:02:31,203
Oh, come on!
43
00:02:31,287 --> 00:02:32,954
There's other things
to do in Vegas.
44
00:02:33,005 --> 00:02:34,789
You said you always
wanted to see Paris.
45
00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:36,458
They got one there.
46
00:02:36,509 --> 00:02:37,992
Wyatt went to Vegas once.
47
00:02:38,044 --> 00:02:40,679
When he got back, he wouldn't
tell me anything about his trip.
48
00:02:40,763 --> 00:02:41,930
He just kept saying,
49
00:02:41,997 --> 00:02:43,598
"What happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas."
50
00:02:43,666 --> 00:02:46,218
Cool. What happens
in Vegas stays in Vegas,
51
00:02:46,302 --> 00:02:47,686
because wild things happen there
52
00:02:47,770 --> 00:02:49,688
that you wouldn't want people
to know about.
53
00:02:49,772 --> 00:02:50,972
That's clever.
54
00:02:51,023 --> 00:02:52,524
You know what?
55
00:02:52,608 --> 00:02:55,110
I would love to do something in
Vegas that has to stay in Vegas.
56
00:02:55,177 --> 00:02:56,611
Then I could say it to him.
57
00:02:56,679 --> 00:02:58,563
- You could come with me.
- You gonna go?
58
00:02:58,648 --> 00:03:01,116
I didn't really think
you were the Vegas type.
59
00:03:01,150 --> 00:03:03,285
That's because you only
really know Daddy Jimmy.
60
00:03:03,352 --> 00:03:04,619
You don't know
"sex in the back
61
00:03:04,687 --> 00:03:06,238
of my van
with a serial killer Jimmy."
62
00:03:06,322 --> 00:03:08,039
I used to be a
wild man before
63
00:03:08,107 --> 00:03:09,658
this little ball-and-chain came
64
00:03:09,709 --> 00:03:11,793
and threw a wet blanket
on my party fire.
65
00:03:11,860 --> 00:03:13,328
Oh.
66
00:03:13,396 --> 00:03:16,047
She is cute, though, isn't she?
67
00:03:16,132 --> 00:03:18,032
Oh, Daddy can't
do nothing anymore
68
00:03:18,084 --> 00:03:20,585
now you came along,
you little cutie patootie.
69
00:03:21,921 --> 00:03:23,838
You need to party.
70
00:03:23,906 --> 00:03:25,873
Oh, I do.
71
00:03:32,265 --> 00:03:34,482
I'm starting to think I should
go to Vegas for the wedding.
72
00:03:34,550 --> 00:03:36,017
I mean, the magic eight ball
says, "Ask me later,"
73
00:03:36,068 --> 00:03:37,485
but I don't have time for that.
74
00:03:37,553 --> 00:03:39,321
Oh, yeah, you can't be
on the eight ball schedule.
75
00:03:39,388 --> 00:03:40,522
You got to live your life.
76
00:03:40,573 --> 00:03:42,157
If I don't go, Delilah wins.
77
00:03:42,224 --> 00:03:43,875
She'll always have
the satisfaction
78
00:03:43,943 --> 00:03:46,561
of knowing that she shamed me
into staying away, right?
79
00:03:46,612 --> 00:03:49,915
Right. Yes.
Yes! We are going...
80
00:03:49,999 --> 00:03:51,766
Or maybe not. Maybe
I'm overthinking it.
81
00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:53,568
I think I am.
I think I'm overthinking it.
82
00:03:53,619 --> 00:03:54,669
No. I'm not going.
83
00:03:54,737 --> 00:03:56,171
Never mind.
84
00:04:03,912 --> 00:04:06,681
Wow. What a dream.
85
00:04:06,749 --> 00:04:09,801
I dreamt the donkey
from Shrek said
86
00:04:09,885 --> 00:04:11,469
I shouldn't go
to the wedding.
87
00:04:11,554 --> 00:04:13,305
But then, naked
Obama said
88
00:04:13,389 --> 00:04:15,590
I have to go,
or else Delilah wins.
89
00:04:15,641 --> 00:04:17,492
So, we're going?
90
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,978
Not you.
Obama says I should go to Vegas.
91
00:04:20,062 --> 00:04:22,948
He says you should stay home
'cause of your gambling problem.
92
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,333
Aw, you told him, too?
93
00:04:25,401 --> 00:04:26,818
Well, I had to make small talk.
94
00:04:26,902 --> 00:04:28,286
He was naked.
95
00:04:28,371 --> 00:04:29,838
It was awkward.
96
00:04:33,042 --> 00:04:35,160
Well, it took three hours,
97
00:04:35,211 --> 00:04:37,545
but the Ouija board just more or
less spelled out the following
98
00:04:37,613 --> 00:04:40,131
"Delilah is going
to be flaunting
99
00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:42,500
"her new husband in front of me
without you there.
100
00:04:42,585 --> 00:04:44,586
"She'll probably think
our marriage is in trouble,
101
00:04:44,637 --> 00:04:46,621
"since I can't tell her
you stayed home
102
00:04:46,672 --> 00:04:47,889
because of a gambling problem."
103
00:04:47,957 --> 00:04:49,724
I mean, I had
to fill in the blanks,
104
00:04:49,792 --> 00:04:51,142
but that's the gist of it.
105
00:04:51,227 --> 00:04:52,644
Anyway, you have
to come with me.
106
00:04:52,712 --> 00:04:54,229
But you're not allowed
to carry any cash.
107
00:04:54,296 --> 00:04:56,564
Ouija says I hold the money.
108
00:05:00,269 --> 00:05:02,437
We are going to Vegas.
109
00:05:11,365 --> 00:05:13,116
Sorry. Dropping off
Maw Maw and Hope
110
00:05:13,150 --> 00:05:14,767
at Shelley's took
longer than I though
111
00:05:14,818 --> 00:05:16,435
Shelley was in the
middle of shooting
112
00:05:16,487 --> 00:05:19,038
this internet video tutorial on
how to change a colostomy bag.
113
00:05:19,106 --> 00:05:21,040
Really makes you appreciate
having an anus.
114
00:05:26,547 --> 00:05:29,248
I am ready for fun of Vegas clubs
115
00:05:29,299 --> 00:05:30,583
and dancing with high rollers.
116
00:05:32,953 --> 00:05:35,788
I have special alter ego named
Natasha for Las Vegas wild time.
117
00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:38,257
Okay. I...
118
00:05:38,308 --> 00:05:40,009
I was just gonna be Jimmy.
119
00:05:40,077 --> 00:05:42,979
You will be Jimmy, who has
mail-order bride from Russia,
120
00:05:43,063 --> 00:05:44,931
who is also possibly spy.
121
00:05:44,982 --> 00:05:47,483
Hey, guys,
notice anything different?
122
00:05:50,303 --> 00:05:52,522
Do you,
uh... uh...?
123
00:05:52,606 --> 00:05:53,740
Mm, nope.
124
00:05:53,807 --> 00:05:55,274
New hair clip?
125
00:05:55,325 --> 00:05:58,644
Good. I did a little spray tan,
but I tried to keep it subtle.
126
00:06:11,158 --> 00:06:13,176
Look at it.
127
00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:15,044
It's beautiful and sparkling.
128
00:06:15,129 --> 00:06:17,180
Like what I always imagined
129
00:06:17,264 --> 00:06:19,882
Cher's living room
would look like.
130
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:36,866
Check out the cool moves
131
00:06:36,950 --> 00:06:39,235
on those handsome
capitalist bartenders.
132
00:06:40,654 --> 00:06:41,738
Wait a minute.
133
00:06:41,822 --> 00:06:43,072
Something's different about you.
134
00:06:43,157 --> 00:06:44,574
What happened to your tan?
135
00:06:44,658 --> 00:06:46,859
Oh, that stupid cheap
tan spray washed off.
136
00:06:46,910 --> 00:06:49,212
I had to leave a
note for the maid
137
00:06:49,296 --> 00:06:51,164
explaining why the bottom
of the shower was brown.
138
00:06:51,215 --> 00:06:52,548
Whoa, people tip big here.
139
00:06:52,633 --> 00:06:54,133
Guy just gave
that waitress ten bucks.
140
00:06:54,201 --> 00:06:55,384
Ooh.
141
00:06:55,469 --> 00:06:56,719
Don't order drinks
from the waitresses.
142
00:06:56,804 --> 00:06:58,037
We don't have to.
143
00:06:58,088 --> 00:06:59,889
We have all those
free bottles of booze
144
00:06:59,973 --> 00:07:01,540
in that little
refrigerator in our room.
145
00:07:01,592 --> 00:07:02,809
Virginia!
146
00:07:02,843 --> 00:07:05,511
Burt! I'm looking
down on you.
147
00:07:05,562 --> 00:07:07,980
So is probably everyone else
around you.
148
00:07:09,183 --> 00:07:10,850
Hey, I'll be right down.
149
00:07:15,572 --> 00:07:19,892
O.M. Ginny, you're here!
150
00:07:19,943 --> 00:07:21,994
No way!
151
00:07:22,062 --> 00:07:24,030
This is just
a wonderful surprise.
152
00:07:24,081 --> 00:07:26,616
How the heck did you
pay for plane tickets?
153
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,701
Took the bus.
154
00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:32,404
A flying bus,
which is what we call planes.
155
00:07:32,456 --> 00:07:34,240
It's a regional term.
156
00:07:34,291 --> 00:07:36,575
Well, whatever lie you want
to go with is fine with me.
157
00:07:36,627 --> 00:07:38,127
I am just so glad you're here.
158
00:07:38,212 --> 00:07:41,547
Are you kidding? After all these
years of waiting and waiting
159
00:07:41,598 --> 00:07:43,582
for someone to ask you.
160
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:45,417
Nothing could keep me
from your wedding,
161
00:07:45,469 --> 00:07:47,920
unless I died of old age
before it happened.
162
00:07:47,971 --> 00:07:49,105
Well, by looking
at your crow's-feet,
163
00:07:49,189 --> 00:07:50,606
we were cutting it pretty close.
164
00:07:50,691 --> 00:07:54,227
Tomorrow is gonna
be so incredible.
165
00:07:54,278 --> 00:07:56,595
Just like we used
to dream about as kids.
166
00:07:56,647 --> 00:07:59,982
And I'm gonna get married
in Vegas at the Rio.
167
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:02,902
I'm gonna have a beautiful
wedding dress.
168
00:08:02,953 --> 00:08:05,437
Spandex, but classy.
169
00:08:05,489 --> 00:08:07,740
Well, mine's gonna be
that hyper-colored material
170
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:09,575
that changes color
when you touch it,
171
00:08:09,626 --> 00:08:12,628
so you can see my husband's
hot handprints on my butt.
172
00:08:12,746 --> 00:08:16,465
Well, my wedding dress
is going to be bedazzled
173
00:08:16,550 --> 00:08:19,302
from head-to-toe
with an eight-foot train.
174
00:08:19,386 --> 00:08:22,255
Well, mine's gonna be beaded
with real antique Spanish coins
175
00:08:22,306 --> 00:08:24,290
and have an 80-foot train,
176
00:08:24,341 --> 00:08:27,693
and the back of it is gonna be
held aloft by Michael Jackson.
177
00:08:30,063 --> 00:08:32,014
Now, did you
guys ever take
178
00:08:32,099 --> 00:08:33,566
the timeout
to have an actual wedding
179
00:08:33,633 --> 00:08:35,902
or were you too focused on your
career as a toilet scrubber?
180
00:08:35,969 --> 00:08:38,154
Oh, no, we had a wedding.
It was quite a fancy affair.
181
00:08:42,576 --> 00:08:43,776
You may kiss the bride.
182
00:08:50,417 --> 00:08:54,120
Is this the line
for clean needle exchange?
183
00:08:54,171 --> 00:08:58,624
Yes, we had
a very classy wedding.
184
00:08:58,675 --> 00:09:00,126
Delilah, get over here!
185
00:09:00,177 --> 00:09:01,510
The bartender says
186
00:09:01,595 --> 00:09:03,546
you can't do a shot
out of his belly button.
187
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,381
Apparently, he's an outie.
188
00:09:05,465 --> 00:09:06,716
I can make it work.
189
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,051
I got a trick I
can do with those.
190
00:09:09,136 --> 00:09:10,937
Why did you lie
about our wedding?
191
00:09:11,004 --> 00:09:12,438
Did you not like our wedding?
192
00:09:12,505 --> 00:09:14,173
You never said anything
at the time.
193
00:09:14,224 --> 00:09:15,942
Well, what good
would it have done?
194
00:09:16,009 --> 00:09:17,393
We didn't have
any money.
195
00:09:17,477 --> 00:09:20,679
Hey, cuz, we're on our way out
to my bachelorette night.
196
00:09:20,731 --> 00:09:21,981
Why don't you come with us?
197
00:09:22,032 --> 00:09:24,350
That sounds great.
Be right there.
198
00:09:24,401 --> 00:09:26,685
Oh, you're just blowing
me off tonight?
199
00:09:26,737 --> 00:09:28,070
Is this 'cause you're
mad about our wedding?
200
00:09:28,155 --> 00:09:29,739
Baby, I got to go.
Otherwise, she'll be
201
00:09:29,823 --> 00:09:31,190
talking trash
about me the whole time,
202
00:09:31,241 --> 00:09:33,359
without me there
to defend myself.
203
00:09:33,410 --> 00:09:35,027
I bet she's doing it already
right now.
204
00:09:35,078 --> 00:09:37,246
Hey, I'm not a slut!
205
00:09:37,331 --> 00:09:38,631
I'm not poor!
206
00:09:38,698 --> 00:09:41,000
And my feet are normal-sized!
207
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,503
I'm sorry, baby.
I got to go.
208
00:09:47,707 --> 00:09:50,476
Hey, uh, you're coming
to a bachelorette party.
209
00:09:50,543 --> 00:09:52,511
No, she's not
going with you.
210
00:09:52,562 --> 00:09:53,646
We're gonna have a wild night
211
00:09:53,713 --> 00:09:55,014
in Vegas to get back at Wyatt.
212
00:09:55,065 --> 00:09:56,548
No, I need backup.
213
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,517
Besides, what's more wild
than a bachelorette party?
214
00:09:58,568 --> 00:09:59,819
I'm gonna go with her.
215
00:10:06,059 --> 00:10:08,694
Mom's not being very nice today.
216
00:10:08,779 --> 00:10:10,579
Yeah, her cousin
brings in out in her.
217
00:10:10,664 --> 00:10:13,032
I think know how to
make her feel better.
218
00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:15,201
We're gonna give your
mom the kind of beautiful,
219
00:10:15,252 --> 00:10:17,003
fancy-pants wedding
she's always dreamed of.
220
00:10:17,070 --> 00:10:18,955
- How are we gonna do that?
- We're gonna make some money.
221
00:10:19,039 --> 00:10:21,207
How? I mean, you promised Mom
you weren't gonna gamble.
222
00:10:21,258 --> 00:10:24,359
There's other ways
of making money in Vegas.
223
00:10:40,277 --> 00:10:42,228
Okay.
224
00:10:42,279 --> 00:10:44,146
Did someone order a...
225
00:10:45,399 --> 00:10:47,316
...gin and tonic?
226
00:10:47,401 --> 00:10:49,235
All right.
227
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:52,604
Wow.
228
00:10:52,656 --> 00:10:55,658
One dollar down,
$2,499 to go.
229
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,326
Ok, who ordered the, uh...
230
00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:02,631
...almondy-tasting
fizztery watery thing?
231
00:11:02,716 --> 00:11:04,250
Looks like there's
milk in it?
232
00:11:06,268 --> 00:11:07,569
Nobody?
233
00:11:15,612 --> 00:11:17,163
Clean your slot screen, ma'am?
234
00:11:17,248 --> 00:11:20,166
Can't win if you can't see.
235
00:11:20,251 --> 00:11:22,085
We work on tips.
236
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,807
What happened
to the garnish tray?
237
00:11:27,892 --> 00:11:29,676
Cigars?
Cigarettes?
238
00:11:31,228 --> 00:11:32,979
Cheries?
Olives?
239
00:11:33,064 --> 00:11:34,731
Lemon twists?
240
00:11:34,798 --> 00:11:36,632
Are there any gentlemen
who care to purchase
241
00:11:36,684 --> 00:11:38,568
a stirry stick for the ladies?
242
00:11:42,306 --> 00:11:44,107
I think I got
that knot out.
243
00:11:44,158 --> 00:11:45,475
Now, who's next?
244
00:11:45,526 --> 00:11:48,912
I will do feet along
as you keep ur socks on.
245
00:11:50,614 --> 00:11:52,749
Okay, okay.
I never...
246
00:11:52,816 --> 00:11:56,252
let a guy
handcuff me the bed.
247
00:12:00,657 --> 00:12:02,492
I have never slept
with Russian hockey team.
248
00:12:02,543 --> 00:12:04,511
Ha! I lie!
249
00:12:04,595 --> 00:12:06,012
I slept with them!
250
00:12:06,097 --> 00:12:08,515
It was miracle on ice!
251
00:12:09,850 --> 00:12:12,135
Ok, okay, okay.
252
00:12:12,186 --> 00:12:13,669
I never...
253
00:12:13,721 --> 00:12:16,473
got knocked up in high school.
254
00:12:18,142 --> 00:12:19,776
Fine.
255
00:12:22,513 --> 00:12:24,147
I never...
256
00:12:24,198 --> 00:12:26,349
stole Delilah's teenage crush
257
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:27,951
and rocked his world
in the wave pool
258
00:12:28,018 --> 00:12:30,120
until he forgot
she even existed!
259
00:12:30,187 --> 00:12:31,871
Oh, wait.
That's me again.
260
00:12:36,994 --> 00:12:38,411
Well, it certainly
261
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:40,696
didn't work out better for me,
marrying a military hero
262
00:12:40,748 --> 00:12:42,365
who was the first one in
263
00:12:42,416 --> 00:12:44,718
when they found where Saddam
Hussein hid the crown jewels.
264
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,371
Don't tell me that
war was a mistake!
265
00:12:50,424 --> 00:12:52,592
Don't worry, maybe you'll
get lucky and your husband
266
00:12:52,676 --> 00:12:55,061
will clean the pool
of an Iraqi dictator one day.
267
00:13:04,054 --> 00:13:05,555
I can't beat her.
268
00:13:05,606 --> 00:13:07,524
It's like every time
I make a joke,
269
00:13:07,575 --> 00:13:10,577
she turns it into a straight
line for an even better joke.
270
00:13:10,661 --> 00:13:12,328
It's like she has writers
or something.
271
00:13:12,396 --> 00:13:13,780
Let's get out of here.
272
00:13:18,869 --> 00:13:19,735
Excuse me.
273
00:13:21,205 --> 00:13:22,589
We've had a noise complaint.
274
00:13:22,673 --> 00:13:26,576
It is way too quiet in here.
275
00:13:38,973 --> 00:13:40,140
Oh, my God.
276
00:13:40,224 --> 00:13:42,308
The security guard
is also a stripper.
277
00:13:42,393 --> 00:13:43,893
Could it get any
cheese in than...
278
00:13:45,146 --> 00:13:47,197
Why can't I
stop dancing?
279
00:13:49,066 --> 00:13:51,934
And it's raining,
it's raining...
280
00:13:51,986 --> 00:13:54,454
and... it stops.
281
00:13:54,538 --> 00:13:56,406
Thank you for
the repeat business, sir.
282
00:13:58,125 --> 00:13:59,775
- How's it going?
- Decent.
283
00:13:59,827 --> 00:14:03,446
I've get a regular, but his sweat
smells like shrimp scampi.
284
00:14:03,497 --> 00:14:05,448
Ah, I love shrimp scampi!
285
00:14:05,499 --> 00:14:06,833
How much you make?
286
00:14:06,884 --> 00:14:08,134
Uh, 40 bucks.
287
00:14:08,219 --> 00:14:10,637
We're never gonna get enough
for a wedding like this.
288
00:14:10,721 --> 00:14:12,839
We got to kick up
our game a little.
289
00:14:34,111 --> 00:14:35,945
Hey! Get down
from there!
290
00:14:35,996 --> 00:14:37,497
Uh, I think it
might be time to run.
291
00:14:52,513 --> 00:14:54,901
Hey, hey. Natasha is next
for freaky dance, ah?
292
00:14:54,902 --> 00:14:56,519
Hey, give me your phone.
293
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,051
I'll bet her Air Force pilot
294
00:14:58,135 --> 00:14:59,407
would be interested to see
295
00:14:59,408 --> 00:15:02,004
who she's letting buzz
around her no-fly zone.
296
00:15:04,391 --> 00:15:06,476
I think maybe
we should get out of here
297
00:15:06,527 --> 00:15:08,978
and leave these two alone.
298
00:15:09,029 --> 00:15:10,280
Hey. Hey.
299
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,488
Where's Virginia?
300
00:15:19,907 --> 00:15:22,024
I'm want to get
my money's worth.
301
00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:33,000
Now it's over.
302
00:15:33,052 --> 00:15:35,103
I'm never gonna pay
for a wedding.
303
00:15:35,170 --> 00:15:37,272
It was a stupid idea, anyway.
304
00:15:37,339 --> 00:15:38,940
We only made 47 bucks.
305
00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:40,558
Well, it was
pretty exciting, though.
306
00:15:40,643 --> 00:15:43,394
When security was chasing us,
we ran up the down escalator.
307
00:15:43,479 --> 00:15:44,846
That was cool.
308
00:15:44,897 --> 00:15:46,447
You see that stuff
happen in movies,
309
00:15:46,515 --> 00:15:48,049
but you never think it's
gonna happen to you.
310
00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:50,702
Oh, great! Now you guys have a
story that has to stay in Vegas,
311
00:15:50,786 --> 00:15:52,821
and the craziest thing I've done
is have red wine with fish.
312
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,624
That's, like, a thing
you're not supposed to...
313
00:15:56,692 --> 00:15:58,293
Never mind.
314
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,712
I am so glad you guys are here
315
00:16:00,796 --> 00:16:01,830
to witness
316
00:16:01,881 --> 00:16:04,415
the greatest moment of my life.
317
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,800
I had to hide under
318
00:16:05,868 --> 00:16:07,802
a very noisy bed
for about eight hours,
319
00:16:07,887 --> 00:16:10,171
but look what I got!
320
00:16:10,222 --> 00:16:11,840
Oh, wait.
321
00:16:11,874 --> 00:16:13,558
There's a lot of
pictures of the wall.
322
00:16:13,642 --> 00:16:16,978
I didn't realize with
which side of lenses facing.
323
00:16:17,045 --> 00:16:19,514
- Oh, here they come.
- Watch this.
324
00:16:19,565 --> 00:16:23,067
I'm gonna get
a wedding canceled.
325
00:16:23,152 --> 00:16:24,769
I've got to get
to that waxing.
326
00:16:24,854 --> 00:16:26,771
I got to turn my peach
into a nectarine.
327
00:16:26,856 --> 00:16:27,856
Well, well,
328
00:16:27,907 --> 00:16:29,107
well.
329
00:16:29,191 --> 00:16:31,058
I am so glad to final
meet the groom!
330
00:16:31,110 --> 00:16:32,327
You know,
I have some
331
00:16:32,394 --> 00:16:34,579
very funny pictures
of your bride-to-be,
332
00:16:34,663 --> 00:16:37,699
or not-to-be--
that is the question.
333
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,701
This is Howard,
the best man.
334
00:16:39,752 --> 00:16:41,920
You meet the groom
last night, silly.
335
00:16:42,004 --> 00:16:44,289
He's over there
paying the check.
336
00:16:49,578 --> 00:16:52,046
Gosh, Virginia,
you look so shocked.
337
00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:54,515
Oh, I understand...
you've never seen a husband
338
00:16:54,583 --> 00:16:56,517
paying a check before,
have you?
339
00:16:56,585 --> 00:16:59,554
First time
for everything.
340
00:17:10,816 --> 00:17:12,867
I can't watch this.
341
00:17:12,952 --> 00:17:14,619
She's having our big,
342
00:17:14,703 --> 00:17:17,622
fancy wedding that we always
dreamed of as little girls.
343
00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:19,908
God, she wins at everything!
344
00:17:19,959 --> 00:17:22,911
I'll bet she'll even end
during our dream funeral, too,
345
00:17:22,962 --> 00:17:25,764
the right stone coffin being
pull by New Kids On The Block.
346
00:17:26,765 --> 00:17:29,432
Enjoy yourself.
I'm not going in.
347
00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:34,055
I need you two
to do me a favor.
348
00:18:00,082 --> 00:18:02,500
Not in the mood!
349
00:18:02,584 --> 00:18:03,501
Come with me.
350
00:18:03,585 --> 00:18:04,919
No. I'm not going in.
351
00:18:04,987 --> 00:18:07,121
Trust me.
It's a surprise.
352
00:18:34,066 --> 00:18:35,316
What the hell's
going on?
353
00:18:35,367 --> 00:18:37,518
You're getting
your perfect wedding.
354
00:18:49,298 --> 00:18:50,581
I need your ring.
355
00:18:53,702 --> 00:18:56,838
Dad wasn't able to buy Mom
the wedding they never had.
356
00:18:56,889 --> 00:18:59,590
We are gathered here today
to join this couple,
357
00:18:59,675 --> 00:19:01,342
in blessed matrimony.
358
00:19:01,393 --> 00:19:03,511
But that didn't mean
he couldn't steal it for her.
359
00:19:03,562 --> 00:19:06,397
Do you take this man,
for richer or poorer,
360
00:19:06,482 --> 00:19:08,716
through sickness and in health,
361
00:19:08,767 --> 00:19:11,736
to have to hold
till death do you part?
362
00:19:11,820 --> 00:19:13,054
I do.
363
00:19:13,105 --> 00:19:13,888
I do.
364
00:19:15,958 --> 00:19:18,359
Turns out you don't
always have to spend money
365
00:19:18,410 --> 00:19:21,395
to give someone the day
they've always dreamed of.
366
00:19:25,734 --> 00:19:27,902
You may now kiss the bride.
367
00:19:42,851 --> 00:19:45,086
Ladies and gentlemen,
368
00:19:45,137 --> 00:19:47,355
turn your attention
to the dance floor
369
00:19:47,439 --> 00:19:49,273
to see the happy couple
370
00:19:49,358 --> 00:19:52,727
in their first dance
as man and wife.
371
00:19:56,865 --> 00:19:59,150
And now I'd like
to introduce
372
00:19:59,234 --> 00:20:01,569
my darling husband's
best man,
373
00:20:01,620 --> 00:20:03,738
a fella I would have married,
374
00:20:03,789 --> 00:20:06,040
but Howard here
mashed up his who-ha
375
00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:08,326
in a dirt bike accident.
376
00:20:08,410 --> 00:20:11,162
They gave him a fake one,
but no thanks!
377
00:20:11,246 --> 00:20:12,747
Take it away, Howie!
378
00:20:12,798 --> 00:20:14,999
And I'm just so thankful
you guys found each other,
379
00:20:15,084 --> 00:20:16,784
fell in love
and got pregnant with me.
380
00:20:16,835 --> 00:20:18,052
Thanks, son.
381
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:21,973
It wasn't exactly
in that order, but thanks.
382
00:20:27,543 --> 00:20:30,378
There will always be a wedge
between my Mom and Delilah,
383
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,214
but at least Mom
will never feel
384
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,633
like Delilah got
a better wedding because...
385
00:20:34,717 --> 00:20:36,601
they got the same one.
386
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,339
Everything worked out great
for Mom and Dad,
387
00:20:40,424 --> 00:20:43,559
but I still hadn't gotten to
see Sabrina do something crazy
388
00:20:43,626 --> 00:20:47,629
Luckily, in Vegas, it's never
too late for crazy to happen.
389
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:50,733
Never.
390
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,004
I can't believe I never
got my something
391
00:20:53,005 --> 00:20:54,186
that to stain Vegas.
392
00:20:54,271 --> 00:20:55,688
Well, what about us
slow-dancing?
393
00:20:55,772 --> 00:20:57,189
That was kind of crazy.
394
00:20:57,274 --> 00:20:59,909
That was twice, and
it was at a wedding.
395
00:20:59,976 --> 00:21:02,578
What if you did it a third time
396
00:21:02,645 --> 00:21:04,947
at a rooftop bar
to an upbeat song
397
00:21:04,998 --> 00:21:06,916
that really shouldn't
be slow-danced to?
398
00:21:06,983 --> 00:21:09,201
Oh, that would definitely
have to stay in Vegas.
399
00:21:09,286 --> 00:21:11,287
Come here.
400
00:21:24,018 --> 00:21:25,936
Thanks.
401
00:21:27,554 --> 00:21:29,355
What are friends for?
402
00:21:29,406 --> 00:21:33,742
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
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