1
00:00:08,012 --> 00:00:09,613
It's from
Game of Thrones.
2
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:10,960
What do you think?
3
00:00:10,961 --> 00:00:12,862
I don't know.
4
00:00:12,864 --> 00:00:15,598
If we're going to start
a fantasy sword collection--
5
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,601
and I've long thought
we should--
6
00:00:18,603 --> 00:00:20,802
is this really
the sword to start with?
7
00:00:20,804 --> 00:00:22,521
What did you
have in mind?
8
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:26,859
Well, off the top of my head,
I'd have to go with Excalibur.
9
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,645
It gives you the right
to rule England.
10
00:00:29,647 --> 00:00:32,448
It would be a replica
of a movie prop.
11
00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:34,617
Fair enough.
12
00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:38,037
It'd give you the right to rule
a replica of England.
13
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,339
Well, they don't have
an Excalibur here,
14
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,041
so what do you want to do?
15
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:44,727
Mm. Tough decision.
16
00:00:44,729 --> 00:00:47,346
There's no weaponry from
Lord of the Rings
17
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:50,832
forged in a Chinese sweatshop?
18
00:00:50,834 --> 00:00:53,936
Just Bilbo Baggins' sword
over there.
19
00:00:53,938 --> 00:00:58,524
Two grown men with a hobbit's
dagger; wouldn't we look silly?
20
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:01,677
Okay, let's go for it.
21
00:01:01,679 --> 00:01:03,696
Oh, I see
you guys have
22
00:01:03,698 --> 00:01:04,797
found my little treasure.
23
00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:06,565
Yeah.
24
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,900
It's okay, I guess.
25
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,518
Okay? It's magnificent.
26
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,287
Buh-buh-buh-buh!
27
00:01:13,123 --> 00:01:14,690
What do you want for it?
28
00:01:14,692 --> 00:01:16,959
Oh, it's hard to put
a price on something
29
00:01:16,961 --> 00:01:19,612
that's a copy of something
that was on pay cable.
30
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:22,998
But for my friends,
let's say 250?
31
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,251
Oh, that's pretty steep.
32
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:26,318
Well, it's a limited edition.
33
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:29,555
They only made 8,000
of these bad boys.
34
00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:31,006
Only 8,000?
35
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,142
We're wasting precious time.
Buy it.
36
00:01:33,144 --> 00:01:34,977
Hang on.
37
00:01:34,979 --> 00:01:37,045
Can you do any better?
38
00:01:37,047 --> 00:01:38,347
Are you kidding?
39
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:40,099
I'm already giving you
the friends and family discount.
40
00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,233
Oh, did you hear that?
41
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,735
We're getting the friends
and family discount.
42
00:01:42,737 --> 00:01:45,170
We are honored
and we will take it.
43
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:46,388
Slow down.
44
00:01:46,390 --> 00:01:47,690
Two hundred.
45
00:01:47,692 --> 00:01:48,691
What are you doing?
46
00:01:48,693 --> 00:01:50,442
250 is already the
discounted price.
47
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,361
Will you shut up?
48
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:53,529
Tell you what, I'll go 235.
49
00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:54,947
Nope. Maybe another time.
50
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,849
Okay, 225-- my final offer.
51
00:01:56,851 --> 00:01:59,535
Take it, take it.
52
00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:01,370
Two hundred.
53
00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:03,122
Man, you're killing me!
54
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,507
Killing you?
I can't breathe.
55
00:02:06,176 --> 00:02:08,610
210, and I'm losing money.
56
00:02:08,612 --> 00:02:11,463
Oh, now, we can't let him lose
money, Leonard. I'm so sorry.
57
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,633
210 and you throw in
the Iron Man helmet.
58
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,801
Are you crazy?
59
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,436
That helmet's signed
by Robert Downey Jr.
60
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:18,637
So?
61
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,422
Okay, if you're
going to question
62
00:02:20,424 --> 00:02:22,992
the importance of an actor's
signature on a plastic helmet
63
00:02:22,994 --> 00:02:24,893
from a movie
based on a comic book,
64
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:28,630
then all of our lives
have no meaning!
65
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,202
Okay, fine.
66
00:02:33,204 --> 00:02:34,536
Just the sword, 210.
67
00:02:34,538 --> 00:02:36,105
Thank you.
68
00:02:36,107 --> 00:02:37,573
I can eat meat this week.
69
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:40,492
See that?
70
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,794
I just saved us 40 bucks.
71
00:02:41,796 --> 00:02:44,129
I've long said, what you
lack in academic knowledge
72
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,832
you make up for
in street smarts.
73
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:47,949
You want me to wrap it?
74
00:02:47,951 --> 00:02:48,950
No, it's okay.
75
00:02:48,952 --> 00:02:50,803
I'm gonna stab my friend
in the chest.
76
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,839
Hey, Stuart.
77
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:54,907
Ah, hey, Wil.
78
00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:58,227
Hello, Wil Wheaton.
79
00:02:58,229 --> 00:03:00,145
Hi, Sheldon.
80
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,180
Nice sword.
81
00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:03,182
It's part of
my sword collection.
82
00:03:03,184 --> 00:03:05,601
- Do you have a sword collection?
- No.
83
00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:08,520
I'm not surprised.
84
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,989
Here's the
Batman 612
85
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,492
with the Jim Lee alternate
cover that you wanted.
86
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,361
Awesome. What do I owe you?
87
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,161
40 bucks.
88
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:17,196
Good deal.
89
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,497
Sucker.
90
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:21,033
Didn't even ask for the
friends and family discount.
91
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:22,835
Hey, I'm having a party
at my house on Friday,
92
00:03:22,837 --> 00:03:24,319
and I was hoping
you would stop by.
93
00:03:24,321 --> 00:03:25,587
Will there be
girls there?
94
00:03:25,589 --> 00:03:26,538
Yeah, of course.
95
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,875
'Cause there
wasn't last time.
96
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,845
There will be girls.
97
00:03:32,847 --> 00:03:35,547
You guys are invited
if you want to come by.
98
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,165
Thank you.
99
00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:38,166
All right, great.
100
00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:39,685
Later.
101
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,338
I see what you're doing.
102
00:03:43,340 --> 00:03:45,023
You accept
an invitation
103
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,242
to a party at the home
of my sworn enemy,
104
00:03:47,244 --> 00:03:48,977
he tells everyone we're
going to be there,
105
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,846
and when we don't show,
he looks the fool.
106
00:03:50,848 --> 00:03:52,231
Fiendishly clever.
107
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,401
I was actually
thinking about going.
108
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:58,620
And then declaring
the party a fiasco
109
00:03:58,622 --> 00:04:00,456
and storming out,
leaving him humiliated
110
00:04:00,458 --> 00:04:01,874
in front of his guests.
111
00:04:01,876 --> 00:04:03,842
Love it.
112
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:07,780
No, I was gonna grab Raj and
Howard and have a good time.
113
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:10,666
Oh, great, more guys.
114
00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:14,136
It's gonna be another
Wil Wheaton sausage-fest.
115
00:04:15,204 --> 00:04:18,807
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
116
00:04:18,809 --> 00:04:22,144
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
117
00:04:22,146 --> 00:04:23,762
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
118
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,298
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
119
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,984
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
120
00:04:28,986 --> 00:04:31,637
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
121
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,555
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
122
00:04:33,557 --> 00:04:34,707
♪ Bang! ♪
123
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,708
The Big Bang Theory 5x05
The Russian Rocket Reaction
Original Air Date on October 13, 2011
124
00:04:37,709 --> 00:04:40,709
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
125
00:04:41,992 --> 00:04:44,304
Sheldon, can you
grab me a water?
126
00:04:44,305 --> 00:04:45,887
Possibly.
127
00:04:45,889 --> 00:04:47,498
Can you or can't you?
128
00:04:47,499 --> 00:04:49,132
It's not that simple, Leonard.
129
00:04:49,134 --> 00:04:51,718
It never is, is it?
130
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:52,886
At this moment,
131
00:04:52,888 --> 00:04:55,005
our relationship exists
132
00:04:55,007 --> 00:04:57,174
in two mutually
contradictory states.
133
00:04:57,176 --> 00:05:01,595
Until you either do not go
or go to Wil Wheaton's party,
134
00:05:01,597 --> 00:05:05,015
you are simultaneously my friend
and not my friend.
135
00:05:06,484 --> 00:05:08,101
I'm characterizing
this phenomenon
136
00:05:08,103 --> 00:05:11,238
as Schrodinger's Friendship.
137
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,074
Got it. Can I have my water?
138
00:05:14,076 --> 00:05:15,359
Of course.
139
00:05:15,361 --> 00:05:17,644
Now get it yourself,
you traitor.
140
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:22,699
Wait, what is going on?
141
00:05:22,701 --> 00:05:24,084
In case you have forgotten,
142
00:05:24,086 --> 00:05:25,652
Schrodinger's cat is
a thought experiment...
143
00:05:25,654 --> 00:05:27,153
No, no, I didn't forget.
144
00:05:27,155 --> 00:05:30,090
Um, there's this cat in a box
and until you open it,
145
00:05:30,092 --> 00:05:31,925
it's either
dead or alive or both.
146
00:05:32,844 --> 00:05:34,511
Although, back in Nebraska,
our cat got stuck
147
00:05:34,513 --> 00:05:37,180
in my brother's camp trunk,
and we did not need to open it
148
00:05:37,182 --> 00:05:39,800
to know there was all kinds
of dead cat in there.
149
00:05:40,969 --> 00:05:42,836
Homespun stories,
knowledge of physics
150
00:05:42,838 --> 00:05:44,187
and a bosom that defies it.
151
00:05:44,189 --> 00:05:46,139
You're the whole package,
aren't you?
152
00:05:48,109 --> 00:05:49,977
Sorry I'm late.
153
00:05:49,979 --> 00:05:51,778
Uh, I got great news.
154
00:05:51,780 --> 00:05:53,897
NASA picked my team's design
155
00:05:53,899 --> 00:05:56,516
for the deep field
space telescope that's going on
156
00:05:56,518 --> 00:05:58,235
the International Space Station
this spring.
157
00:06:00,072 --> 00:06:01,672
Howie, that's wonderful!
158
00:06:01,674 --> 00:06:02,673
Congratulations!
159
00:06:02,675 --> 00:06:03,874
It gets better.
160
00:06:03,876 --> 00:06:06,043
Someone has to go up
with the telescope
161
00:06:06,045 --> 00:06:10,797
as a payload specialist,
and guess who that someone is.
162
00:06:10,799 --> 00:06:13,400
Muhammad Li.
163
00:06:14,201 --> 00:06:16,536
Who's Muhammad Li?
164
00:06:16,538 --> 00:06:19,339
Muhammad is the most common
first name in the world,
165
00:06:19,341 --> 00:06:20,974
Li, the most common surname.
166
00:06:20,976 --> 00:06:22,476
As I didn't know the answer,
167
00:06:22,478 --> 00:06:24,811
I thought that gave me
a mathematical edge.
168
00:06:24,813 --> 00:06:27,047
It's me, Sheldon.
169
00:06:27,049 --> 00:06:27,948
It's me.
170
00:06:27,950 --> 00:06:29,382
I'm going up in space!
171
00:06:29,384 --> 00:06:31,551
Technically, I'm an astronaut.
172
00:06:31,553 --> 00:06:33,437
That's amazing!
173
00:06:33,439 --> 00:06:35,055
Hang on a second.
174
00:06:35,057 --> 00:06:36,940
NASA doesn't have
a shuttle anymore.
175
00:06:36,942 --> 00:06:38,892
How are you going
to get up there?
176
00:06:38,894 --> 00:06:40,027
Oh, well, it's really cool.
177
00:06:40,029 --> 00:06:42,079
You fly to Moscow,
they take you out to Kazakhstan,
178
00:06:42,081 --> 00:06:44,915
and then you get into a Russian
Soyuz rocket which shoots you
179
00:06:44,917 --> 00:06:46,249
into a low earth orbit.
180
00:06:46,251 --> 00:06:48,869
Or just sits there on the launch
pad because the Kazakhi mafia
181
00:06:48,871 --> 00:06:50,954
sold the rocket fuel
on the black market.
182
00:06:53,041 --> 00:06:55,208
Are those Russian rockets safe?
183
00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:57,627
Well, I mean, safe as it
can be when it was built
184
00:06:57,629 --> 00:06:59,796
by the good folks who
brought you Chernobyl.
185
00:07:01,683 --> 00:07:04,084
I'd like to propose a toast.
186
00:07:04,086 --> 00:07:06,753
The dream to go up into space
is one we all share,
187
00:07:06,755 --> 00:07:09,022
and Howard's making that
a reality.
188
00:07:09,024 --> 00:07:10,474
We're all very proud of you.
189
00:07:10,476 --> 00:07:11,942
Cheers.
190
00:07:13,427 --> 00:07:14,644
That was a lovely toast.
191
00:07:14,646 --> 00:07:15,946
Kudos.
Thank you.
192
00:07:15,948 --> 00:07:17,898
Simultaneously, a festival
of cloying clichés.
193
00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:19,950
You sicken me.
194
00:07:27,658 --> 00:07:29,126
You're really quiet.
195
00:07:29,128 --> 00:07:30,777
Is everything okay?
196
00:07:30,779 --> 00:07:32,829
Fine.
197
00:07:35,133 --> 00:07:37,551
Just a little tired.
198
00:07:37,553 --> 00:07:39,786
I hope not too tired,
because I'm feeling
199
00:07:39,788 --> 00:07:42,122
particularly masculine
right now.
200
00:07:43,341 --> 00:07:46,292
All systems go,
if you catch my drift.
201
00:07:46,294 --> 00:07:49,896
I always catch your drift.
202
00:07:49,898 --> 00:07:52,733
All right, well, something's
obviously bugging you.
203
00:07:52,735 --> 00:07:53,934
What is it?
204
00:07:53,936 --> 00:07:55,986
I just can't believe
you signed up
205
00:07:55,988 --> 00:07:58,238
for the space program
without even talking to me.
206
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,274
Oh, I get it.
207
00:08:01,276 --> 00:08:03,577
You're worried about me.
208
00:08:03,579 --> 00:08:05,362
That is so sweet.
209
00:08:05,364 --> 00:08:10,917
You know, there's a saying
we have at NASA.
210
00:08:13,087 --> 00:08:16,156
What makes
the right stuff so right
211
00:08:16,158 --> 00:08:19,209
is that it always comes home.
212
00:08:20,711 --> 00:08:23,013
Just stop talking, Howard.
213
00:08:24,849 --> 00:08:26,433
This isn't the reaction
I expected
214
00:08:26,435 --> 00:08:28,835
when I told you
I was gonna be an astronaut.
215
00:08:28,837 --> 00:08:31,221
What did you think
was going to happen?
216
00:08:31,223 --> 00:08:33,390
Honestly? Sex.
217
00:08:35,226 --> 00:08:36,843
Howard.
218
00:08:36,845 --> 00:08:38,862
Do you realize
what a big deal this is?
219
00:08:38,864 --> 00:08:42,616
What an honor it is to be
chosen to go into space?
220
00:08:42,618 --> 00:08:44,017
Yeah, I get it.
221
00:08:44,019 --> 00:08:46,319
I just wish you included me
in the decision.
222
00:08:46,321 --> 00:08:48,354
We're supposed
to be partners.
223
00:08:48,356 --> 00:08:50,290
We're supposed
to be a team.
224
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,077
I'm sorry. You're right.
225
00:08:54,079 --> 00:08:57,631
Okay, let's try this again.
226
00:08:57,633 --> 00:09:01,301
Bernadette, an opportunity
has come up
227
00:09:01,303 --> 00:09:06,256
that impacts both of us,
and I'd like to discuss it.
228
00:09:07,758 --> 00:09:09,542
Okay.
229
00:09:09,544 --> 00:09:12,045
I've been offered
a chance to go up
230
00:09:12,047 --> 00:09:16,049
to the International
Space Station for three weeks.
231
00:09:16,051 --> 00:09:17,901
What are your thoughts on that?
232
00:09:17,903 --> 00:09:20,987
Well, first of all, thank you
233
00:09:20,989 --> 00:09:23,857
for including me
in the decision-making process.
234
00:09:23,859 --> 00:09:26,243
Hey, we're a team.
235
00:09:27,246 --> 00:09:28,778
So, what do you think?
236
00:09:28,780 --> 00:09:30,580
No.
237
00:09:31,415 --> 00:09:32,666
No?
238
00:09:32,668 --> 00:09:34,451
No.
239
00:09:34,453 --> 00:09:37,671
Why not?
240
00:09:39,423 --> 00:09:42,592
Howard, my father
was a police officer.
241
00:09:42,594 --> 00:09:44,744
We never knew
from one night to the next
242
00:09:44,746 --> 00:09:46,680
if he was going
to come home alive.
243
00:09:46,682 --> 00:09:48,098
It was horrible.
244
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:51,184
And I don't want to live
that way with you.
245
00:09:53,804 --> 00:10:00,110
Hey, my father abandoned me
and my mother when I was 11.
246
00:10:00,112 --> 00:10:02,362
We never saw him again.
247
00:10:02,364 --> 00:10:04,764
Oh, boo-hoo,
you're not going to space!
248
00:10:09,603 --> 00:10:12,572
Pretty cool about
Howard, huh?
249
00:10:12,574 --> 00:10:14,708
Don't talk to me as if
nothing's happened between us.
250
00:10:14,710 --> 00:10:16,126
And yes, it sure is, buddy.
251
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,665
For God's sake, will you stop
with the Schrodinger stuff.
252
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,884
Would you prefer
a simpler application
253
00:10:23,886 --> 00:10:25,335
of Heisenberg's
uncertainty principle,
254
00:10:25,337 --> 00:10:26,386
in which I could either
255
00:10:26,388 --> 00:10:28,638
know where you are
or whether I like you,
256
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,290
but not both?
257
00:10:30,292 --> 00:10:33,493
You never stop
talking, do you?
258
00:10:34,962 --> 00:10:36,646
I don't understand.
259
00:10:36,648 --> 00:10:37,764
What differences
does it make
260
00:10:37,766 --> 00:10:39,299
if Leonard goes to
Wil Wheaton's party?
261
00:10:39,301 --> 00:10:41,685
Wil Wheaton is
Sheldon's mortal enemy.
262
00:10:41,687 --> 00:10:42,852
Mortal enemy?
263
00:10:42,854 --> 00:10:44,654
Mm-hmm.
Sheldon, I know you're a bit
264
00:10:44,656 --> 00:10:46,189
of a left-handed
monkey wrench, but...
265
00:10:46,191 --> 00:10:49,976
you really have a mortal enemy?
266
00:10:49,978 --> 00:10:52,329
In fact, I have 61 of them.
267
00:10:53,164 --> 00:10:55,115
Would you like to see the list?
268
00:10:55,117 --> 00:10:57,083
Oh, say no, say no,
say no, say no.
269
00:10:57,085 --> 00:10:58,852
You just got off the list.
270
00:10:58,854 --> 00:11:00,754
Would you like back on it?
271
00:11:01,589 --> 00:11:03,990
This'll just take a moment.
272
00:11:03,992 --> 00:11:07,260
It's on a five and a
quarter inch floppy.
273
00:11:13,301 --> 00:11:14,517
A floppy disk?
274
00:11:14,519 --> 00:11:18,104
Well, I started the
list when I was nine.
275
00:11:18,106 --> 00:11:20,340
How did Wil Wheaton
get on the list?
276
00:11:20,342 --> 00:11:21,858
- Oh! Oh, God!
- Oh! Come on!
277
00:11:21,860 --> 00:11:25,195
As a child,
I loved Wesley Crusher,
278
00:11:25,197 --> 00:11:27,280
Wil Wheaton's character
on Star Trek.
279
00:11:27,282 --> 00:11:31,017
So, I drove for hours
by bus to a Star Trek convention
280
00:11:31,019 --> 00:11:33,119
at which Wil Wheaton
was scheduled to appear,
281
00:11:33,121 --> 00:11:36,022
so that I could get my Wesley
Crusher action figure signed.
282
00:11:36,024 --> 00:11:37,958
But he never
showed, because
283
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,076
apparently,
it was cooler for him
284
00:11:40,078 --> 00:11:43,179
to be the lower-left corner
on Hollywood Squares.
285
00:11:45,466 --> 00:11:46,549
Oh, damn!
286
00:11:46,551 --> 00:11:48,068
The floppy failed.
287
00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:49,169
Well,
288
00:11:49,171 --> 00:11:51,204
whoever was in charge
of quality control
289
00:11:51,206 --> 00:11:53,590
at the Verbatim Corporation
in 1989,
290
00:11:53,592 --> 00:11:56,810
congratulations,
you just made the list.
291
00:12:00,231 --> 00:12:02,248
Howard?
292
00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:04,434
Change your
mind about sex?
293
00:12:04,436 --> 00:12:08,221
I'm still mad,
but I'll do it.
294
00:12:08,223 --> 00:12:10,724
No, I've just
been thinking.
295
00:12:11,993 --> 00:12:14,394
It doesn't matter
if I'm afraid for your safety.
296
00:12:14,396 --> 00:12:16,229
I don't want
to be the person
297
00:12:16,231 --> 00:12:18,248
who stands between you
and your dreams.
298
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:19,699
Really?
299
00:12:19,701 --> 00:12:21,117
Really.
300
00:12:21,119 --> 00:12:23,253
If going into space means
that much to you,
301
00:12:23,255 --> 00:12:25,121
I will never say
another word about it.
302
00:12:25,123 --> 00:12:26,706
Thank you.
303
00:12:26,708 --> 00:12:28,258
I love you.
304
00:12:28,260 --> 00:12:30,243
I love you, too.
305
00:12:33,514 --> 00:12:35,465
So, sex now?
306
00:12:35,467 --> 00:12:37,100
Okay.
307
00:12:37,102 --> 00:12:38,968
I just forgot
to brush my teeth.
308
00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:41,137
I'll be right back.
309
00:12:47,428 --> 00:12:50,596
♪ Oh, baby ♪
310
00:12:56,871 --> 00:12:59,406
♪ I'm ♪
311
00:12:59,408 --> 00:13:01,875
♪ I'm not in love with you... ♪
312
00:13:01,877 --> 00:13:06,129
Over my dead body
my son goes into outer space!
313
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:12,001
I'm ready.
314
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,479
Wait, let me see
if I got this right.
315
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:20,680
You actually asked Bernadette
316
00:13:20,682 --> 00:13:22,365
to leave your house
in the middle of the night?
317
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:23,766
What choice did I have?
318
00:13:23,768 --> 00:13:25,150
She went behind my back
319
00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:27,170
and turned my own mother
against me.
320
00:13:27,172 --> 00:13:29,839
Wow. You're not only
our first astronaut.
321
00:13:29,841 --> 00:13:33,092
You're also the first one
of us to kick a girl out of bed.
322
00:13:34,845 --> 00:13:37,513
You're like a rock star.
323
00:13:37,515 --> 00:13:39,832
Little bit.
324
00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:42,935
I hate to say it,
but she did kind of betray you.
325
00:13:42,937 --> 00:13:44,604
Interesting.
326
00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:48,641
You see betrayal in others,
but not yourself.
327
00:13:48,643 --> 00:13:52,979
Going to Wheaton's party
is not betraying you.
328
00:13:52,981 --> 00:13:55,314
Oh, of course you would have
to believe that.
329
00:13:55,316 --> 00:13:57,400
Evil always thinks
it's doing right.
330
00:13:58,402 --> 00:13:59,852
"Excuse me, Stormtrooper.
331
00:13:59,854 --> 00:14:02,154
These are the droids
you're looking for."
332
00:14:03,073 --> 00:14:05,625
I'm going to a party.
333
00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:10,263
I'm not turning R2-D2 and C-3PO
over to the empire!
334
00:14:11,882 --> 00:14:14,050
Not yet.
335
00:14:15,269 --> 00:14:16,402
So, what's gonna happen next?
336
00:14:16,404 --> 00:14:18,370
Are you and Bernadette going
to break up?
337
00:14:18,372 --> 00:14:19,472
I don't know.
338
00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:21,173
If we're going
to get back together,
339
00:14:21,175 --> 00:14:23,092
she's going to have
to apologize and accept
340
00:14:23,094 --> 00:14:26,479
that I'm a grown man
who can make his own decisions.
341
00:14:26,481 --> 00:14:28,064
Then she's going to have
to convince your mother
342
00:14:28,066 --> 00:14:29,232
to let you go into space.
343
00:14:29,234 --> 00:14:30,883
Obviously.
344
00:14:33,303 --> 00:14:35,271
I had no choice.
345
00:14:35,273 --> 00:14:37,106
I had to tell
his mother.
346
00:14:37,108 --> 00:14:39,358
He can't go to space.
347
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:43,746
He's like a baby bird.
348
00:14:43,748 --> 00:14:46,449
Do you know
he once got an asthma attack
349
00:14:46,451 --> 00:14:49,752
from reading an old library
book?
350
00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:51,504
You're kidding.
351
00:14:51,506 --> 00:14:53,506
No, I was there that day.
352
00:14:53,508 --> 00:14:56,676
Sheldon threw his back out
handing him that book.
353
00:14:58,211 --> 00:15:00,179
I don't know
what I'm going to do.
354
00:15:00,181 --> 00:15:02,131
I don't want
to break up over this.
355
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:04,300
Okay, why don't you just
tell him you made a mistake?
356
00:15:04,302 --> 00:15:07,019
Do you guys think
it was a mistake?
357
00:15:07,021 --> 00:15:09,055
Am I the bad guy in this?
358
00:15:09,057 --> 00:15:11,223
It's not for
us to judge.
359
00:15:11,225 --> 00:15:13,559
We're just here to provide
comfort and support
360
00:15:13,561 --> 00:15:14,727
while you come to grips
361
00:15:14,729 --> 00:15:16,779
with what a despicable thing
you've done.
362
00:15:18,198 --> 00:15:20,783
Oh, God, you're right.
363
00:15:20,785 --> 00:15:25,821
I took our love and threw it
under his bus-sized mother.
364
00:15:28,075 --> 00:15:29,959
I need to apologize.
365
00:15:29,961 --> 00:15:32,128
Well, that-that's good.
I'm glad you came to that.
366
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:35,381
But before you do, let me just
ask you a big picture question.
367
00:15:35,383 --> 00:15:36,165
What?
368
00:15:36,167 --> 00:15:38,334
Are you
369
00:15:38,336 --> 00:15:42,922
100% positive you love and want
to marry Howard Wolowitz?
370
00:15:42,924 --> 00:15:45,391
I do, with all my heart.
371
00:15:45,393 --> 00:15:46,625
Got it.
372
00:15:46,627 --> 00:15:49,061
Just had to check.
373
00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:53,065
He's great.
374
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,237
All right, Sheldon.
375
00:15:58,239 --> 00:15:59,488
We're going to Wil's.
376
00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:01,107
This is your
last chance.
377
00:16:01,109 --> 00:16:04,143
No, Leonard,
this is your last chance.
378
00:16:04,145 --> 00:16:05,578
One day,
379
00:16:05,580 --> 00:16:08,114
a historian is going
to come to you and say,
380
00:16:08,116 --> 00:16:11,083
"Is it true you were friends
with Dr. Sheldon Cooper?"
381
00:16:11,085 --> 00:16:13,953
And you're going to have
to choke back a hot sob
382
00:16:13,955 --> 00:16:15,254
of regret and humiliation
383
00:16:15,256 --> 00:16:17,506
as you mumble,
"I was, but
384
00:16:17,508 --> 00:16:20,376
"I chose to go to a party thrown
by the one kid
385
00:16:20,378 --> 00:16:22,712
from Stand By Me
that no one remembers."
386
00:16:25,465 --> 00:16:27,383
You want to drive?
387
00:16:27,385 --> 00:16:29,585
Sure.
388
00:16:32,723 --> 00:16:34,190
Hey, Sheldon?
389
00:16:34,192 --> 00:16:36,859
Oh, good. You picked me,
you picked me.
390
00:16:36,861 --> 00:16:39,445
No, I just got a
text from Stuart.
391
00:16:39,447 --> 00:16:41,313
Brent Spiner is
at the party.
392
00:16:41,315 --> 00:16:42,648
Brent Spiner?
393
00:16:42,650 --> 00:16:44,450
Yes.
394
00:16:44,452 --> 00:16:46,819
I don't care.
395
00:16:46,821 --> 00:16:48,771
Really?
396
00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:49,989
Brent Spiner,
397
00:16:49,991 --> 00:16:51,991
Mr. Data himself.
You love him.
398
00:16:51,993 --> 00:16:55,861
I did, but I think I've kind of
outgrown Star Trek.
399
00:16:58,665 --> 00:17:01,366
You know, stock characters,
400
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,636
ludicrous plots, "beam me up."
401
00:17:03,638 --> 00:17:05,671
What a load of hooey.
402
00:17:05,673 --> 00:17:07,089
I'm going.
403
00:17:07,091 --> 00:17:09,058
Live long and
prosper, Sheldon.
404
00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,893
Yeah, even that.
You look like a dork.
405
00:17:14,314 --> 00:17:17,767
Howard, Bernadette's here!
406
00:17:17,769 --> 00:17:19,769
Tell her I'm not home!
407
00:17:19,771 --> 00:17:21,771
What kind of a schmuck play
is that?!
408
00:17:21,773 --> 00:17:23,189
She can hear you shouting!
409
00:17:24,941 --> 00:17:27,726
Can we talk?
410
00:17:27,728 --> 00:17:30,362
You can. I have nothing to say.
411
00:17:30,364 --> 00:17:32,615
All right.
412
00:17:32,617 --> 00:17:34,700
I just wanted to tell you
413
00:17:34,702 --> 00:17:36,836
I'm sorry I said something
to your mother.
414
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:39,288
I was gonna tell her eventually,
415
00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:41,457
but you went behind my back.
416
00:17:41,459 --> 00:17:43,292
I know. I'm sorry.
417
00:17:43,294 --> 00:17:44,794
I got scared.
418
00:17:44,796 --> 00:17:46,178
If you're gonna love me,
419
00:17:46,180 --> 00:17:48,431
you're gonna have to
love the whole package:
420
00:17:48,433 --> 00:17:52,218
the tenderhearted poet
and the crazy daredevil.
421
00:17:53,303 --> 00:17:55,438
I know.
422
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,890
Well, don't say it if
you're not gonna mean it,
423
00:17:57,892 --> 00:18:00,359
'cause I'm not just gonna
stop with the space station.
424
00:18:00,361 --> 00:18:03,779
Yeah, I want to go to the
Moon, I want to go to Mars.
425
00:18:03,781 --> 00:18:07,566
I want to take a one-man sub to
the lowest depths of the ocean.
426
00:18:07,568 --> 00:18:08,818
Really?
427
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:11,370
You got seasick
on Pirates of the Caribbean.
428
00:18:12,539 --> 00:18:16,826
Well, those big kids
were rocking it.
429
00:18:17,961 --> 00:18:21,497
I just did what I did
because I love you so much,
430
00:18:21,499 --> 00:18:24,783
and the thought of losing you
is more than I can handle.
431
00:18:24,785 --> 00:18:26,285
Really?
432
00:18:26,287 --> 00:18:28,170
You're my soul mate.
433
00:18:30,257 --> 00:18:32,391
This is where you kiss me.
434
00:18:32,393 --> 00:18:34,593
Right, right.
435
00:18:36,847 --> 00:18:39,131
Make up all you want!
436
00:18:39,133 --> 00:18:42,518
Your tuchis is not
leaving this planet!
437
00:18:50,654 --> 00:18:52,991
Hey, you know
that beautiful actress who plays
438
00:18:52,992 --> 00:18:54,909
the Borg Queen in First Contact?
439
00:18:54,911 --> 00:18:58,496
- Yeah.
- Well, I just met her gynecologist!
440
00:19:01,533 --> 00:19:02,967
What are you doing here?
441
00:19:02,969 --> 00:19:04,919
Fighting for our friendship.
442
00:19:04,921 --> 00:19:07,054
As peculiar and annoying
as you can be,
443
00:19:07,056 --> 00:19:08,756
you're still my little buddy.
444
00:19:08,758 --> 00:19:11,342
I'm not going
to let that end here tonight.
445
00:19:11,344 --> 00:19:15,763
Now put down that drink, let's
meet Brent Spiner and go home.
446
00:19:15,765 --> 00:19:17,531
Hey, Sheldon,
I'm so glad you made it.
447
00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:19,316
I found something
I think you might like.
448
00:19:19,318 --> 00:19:22,886
What I'd like is for him
to have a more depressing home.
449
00:19:22,888 --> 00:19:25,489
This is quite lovely.
450
00:19:25,491 --> 00:19:27,274
This is for you.
451
00:19:27,276 --> 00:19:31,162
An original mint-in-package
Wesley Crusher action figure.
452
00:19:31,164 --> 00:19:32,997
I remembered your story
about the time you went
453
00:19:32,999 --> 00:19:34,615
to a convention
when you were a kid
454
00:19:34,617 --> 00:19:36,200
to get one signed,
and I didn't show up.
455
00:19:36,202 --> 00:19:37,734
Look at what I wrote.
456
00:19:37,736 --> 00:19:42,339
"To Sheldon, sorry
this took so long.
457
00:19:42,341 --> 00:19:43,707
Your friend, Wil Wheaton""
458
00:19:43,709 --> 00:19:46,127
It's my last one.
459
00:19:46,129 --> 00:19:47,795
I want you to have it.
460
00:19:49,764 --> 00:19:53,467
Look, everyone.
Wil Wheaton is my friend!
461
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,688
Oh, wow.
462
00:19:57,690 --> 00:20:00,224
I haven't seen one
of these in years.
463
00:20:01,977 --> 00:20:04,145
Remember how we used
to make these things look
464
00:20:04,147 --> 00:20:06,147
like they were masturbating?
465
00:20:06,149 --> 00:20:08,699
Brent Spiner, what
have you done?!
466
00:20:08,701 --> 00:20:10,818
That was an original
mint-in-package
467
00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:12,153
Wesley Crusher
action figure
468
00:20:12,155 --> 00:20:14,371
signed by my close personal
friend, Wil Wheaton.
469
00:20:14,373 --> 00:20:15,656
Sorry, Slim.
470
00:20:15,658 --> 00:20:17,992
I've got some Mr. Data dolls
in the trunk of my car.
471
00:20:17,994 --> 00:20:19,610
You want me
to sign one for you?
472
00:20:19,612 --> 00:20:21,962
You've already signed
something, Brent Spiner.
473
00:20:21,964 --> 00:20:24,165
Your name on my list.
474
00:20:26,918 --> 00:20:29,003
From this moment on,
you are my mortal enemy.
475
00:20:29,005 --> 00:20:32,756
Don't worry. It doesn't take
up a whole lot of your time.
476
00:20:32,758 --> 00:20:34,808
Come on, buddy.
477
00:20:34,810 --> 00:20:37,094
Let's not waste another
second on this loser.
478
00:20:37,096 --> 00:20:40,814
Love your house.
479
00:20:40,816 --> 00:20:42,683
Can we get autographed dolls?
480
00:20:42,685 --> 00:20:44,018
Sure.
481
00:20:44,753 --> 00:20:46,854
20 bucks.
482
00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:50,908
Ten.
483
00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,528
$18.
484
00:20:54,530 --> 00:20:55,412
$12.
485
00:20:55,414 --> 00:20:56,197
$16.
486
00:20:56,199 --> 00:20:57,615
Two for $30.
487
00:20:57,617 --> 00:20:59,816
And you come
to my birthday party.
488
00:21:03,738 --> 00:21:05,638
Done.
489
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,640
== sync, corrected by elderman ==