♪ What would you do if I sang out of tune? ♪
♪ Would you stand up and walk out on me? ♪
♪ Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ♪
♪ I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, baby, I get by ♪ ♪ By with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ All I need is my buddies ♪
♪ High with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ♪ -♪ Try with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Somebody who knows quite sure ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ By with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ♪
♪ Try with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ♪
♪ High with a little help from my friends ♪
♪ I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
[ Jack-in-the-box playing ]
Once upon a time, I lived in a great big house
With a great big yard and a great big bedroom...
And a great big older brother.
[ boing ]
But by the middle of 1969,
The house and the yard and the bedroom
Were are all getting... Smaller.
Inside every woman, there's a woman who longs to be free.
Or maybe Wayne and I were getting larger.
[ dramatic music playing on television ]
One thing was certain... we were running out of room.
The pressure was building.
Then, just when things seemed near the point of no return,
Something happened...
Something unexpected, something...
Terrifying.
[ tires screech ]
Damn it, Wayne!
I had my blinker on.
I don't believe this. Wayne is driving?
Yeah.
He got his learner's permit yesterday.
Okay, Wayne.
Slower this time.
Gotcha.
Man, clear the streets!
He's a menace!
Maybe that was true. [ horn honks ]
But I couldn't be bothered
With the overall threat to society.
The fact is, this was the solution I'd been praying for.
Simply stated, Wayne on wheels meant just one thing...
Wayne out of my life.
Okay.
"When a traffic signal is out of order, you should...
"'a, ' use caution and proceed through the intersection,
"'b, ' slow down, then take the right of way,
'c, ' treat the intersection as a four-way stop?"
Uh, let's see.
- Four-way stop. - Yes!
It was the first time I ever rooted for my brother.
Okay.
The speed limit in a school zone is...
"'a, ' 5 miles per hour, 'b, ' 15 miles per hour,
'c, ' 20 miles per hour?"
The way I saw it,
It was my future hanging in the balance.
Wait, wait, wait. I know this one.
[ Sighs ]
It's "b," Wayne.
"B." right.
- You better study harder. - Delores, I don't...
If you don't pass this test and you don't get this license,
You know what else you don't get.
The woman was obviously a keen student
Of motivational dynamics.
Okay. Okay.
Yep. With a little luck, Wayne was on his way,
Leaving me on the threshold of a brave new world,
Which, in 13-year-old terms, meant...
The mall...
400,000 square feet of unsupervised opportunity.
Of course, you needed a ride from Mom to get there.
But once you were there, it was adolescent paradise.
Pizza. Movies.
Girls...
Exotic girls... girls from other schools.
Boy! Some pair, huh?
What?
How do you think I'd look in them?
Look, Paul, we've wasted an entire Saturday
Looking at shoes.
Hey, I just need an opinion, okay?
I can play it safe with these, but...
And I want you to be perfectly honest with me, okay?...
What do you think of these?
Uh-oh.
This wasn't just a question about shoes.
This was a question about manhood.
Well?
Pbht!
You don't think I can carry these off?
I mean, Bruce Gaines wore 'em last week,
And he looked pretty cool.
But suddenly, Paul wasn't there anymore.
It was just me and a vision
Hovering just beyond the P.F. Flyers.
[ choir vocalizing ]
I'd just seen my future through a shoe store window.
Kevin?
I got to go.
There was no room for hesitation.
It was time to seize the Moment,
Let no obstacle stand In my way.
I was chasing a fantasy, a dream, a vision...
That had vanished into thin air.
[ breathing heavily ]
Kevin, what happened?
[ Sighs ] never mind.
It didn't seem fair.
There's always next weekend.
The boots. I can get them next weekend.
Well, maybe Paul was right.
Maybe we'd get them next weekend.
After all, anything was possible...
Now that I was about to be a free man.
Yes.
Yes! Yes!
- Yes! - Yes!
- Yes! Whoo! - Yes!
It was a Moment to remember.
For one brief instant,
My brother and I were in total agreement.
- Congratulations, Wayne. - Thanks, butthead.
Excuse me.
And then it happened.
- Mom, I need a ride to the mall. - I got to go pick up Delores.
Uh-oh.
Wait, Mom. It's Saturday.
You promised to take me to the mall.
And you said as soon as I got this, I could have the car.
It was a case for King Solomon.
Mom, however, rose to the occasion.
Well, I have to take your father's suits to the cleaner's.
- Mom! - Mom!
Unh-unh. Unacceptable.
Well, then...
Here it came... a landmark decision.
I know.
Wayne, you take Kevin to the mall,
And then you can have the car.
- What?! - What?!
Mom!
Mom, it's totally out of my way!
But, honey, now that you have a license and car privileges,
You have to assume some of the responsibilities,
And one of those is driving Kevin.
This was unbelievable, a terrible twist of fate!
The hoped-for boon had instantly turned into a curse.
Wayne and I were thrown together once again.
Okay, buttheads. Out!
Here?
[ Horn honks ]
Hey, Mom said the mall.
I mean, technically, this is the mall.
Come on, Kev. Let's just go.
[ Engine idling ]
Hey.
[ Door closes ]
Be on the curb at 6:30 or spend the night.
Have fun shopping, girls.
[ Delores laughs ]
Hey, don't let it get to you.
Come on. Let's go get some pizza.
Well, maybe he was right.
I had other matters to attend to.
Hey, is that her?
How about that one?
Paul, trust me. I'll know her if I see her.
But things were looking grim.
We'd been around the mall seven times in three hours.
Not a sign of the girl in the window.
That's her.
And then...
Paul, it can't be!
Bingo!
One, please.
Kevin, what are you doing?!
I'm going to the movies.
It's "Romeo and Juliet."
Yes, I know what it is.
I'm not seeing "Romeo and Jul..."
Kevin!
[ Sighs ]
One, please.
[ Classical music playing ]
[ Thud ] - sorry.
Shh!
[ Whispering indistinctly ]
Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene.
Excuse me.
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny.
Their civil blood makes civil hands...
At last I had come to realize my quest.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes...
[ whispering indistinctly ]
A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life...
I had managed to turn my dream world
Into flesh, bones, and strawberry-scented hair.
She was mine for the taking.
Bury their parents' strife.
For never was a story of more woe...
[ women sobbing ]
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
[ classical music playing ]
Come on, Paul. Let's go.
[ Blows loudly ]
Paul?
My allergies.
[ Blows loudly ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
This is stupid.
We could spend all night following her around.
Are you gonna talk to her or not?
Because if you are, you could go up and talk to her.
If you're not, we might as well leave.
And then, in a flash, our eyes met.
Our souls danced.
And all else faded to the background.
It was just me, my dream girl, and 40 feet of sidewalk.
I was going to open my mouth and let love speak for itself.
"my lips...
"two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."
[ inhales deeply ]
Hi. [ tires screech, horn honks ]
Well, well, well.
What do we have here? A new girlfriend, perhaps?
[ laughs ]
Getting a little smooch-a-roo at the movies, baby brother?
[ Both laugh ]
There was only one thing to do...
Bye.
[ Horn honking ]
Salvage what I could of my dignity.
[ engine revs, brakes squeal ]
Oops. [ Laughs ]
Wayne!
[ Engine revving ]
[ Tires screech ]
Wayne, don't do this to me. Do what?
I'm just having a little trouble with the brakes, that's all.
I swear... I won't do it this time.
[ Engine revs, brakes squeal ]
Wayne!
Hey!
[ Engine revs ]
Okay. I swear I won't do it.
Just get in.
[ Engine revs, brakes squeal ] Wayne!
Really. Come on. I-i got to get home.
[ Classical music playing ] Wayne!
Wayne! Wayne!
I don't get it!
I mean, what's the big deal?
Hey, I tried to pick them up. They just wouldn't get in.
Wayne...
We are very disappointed in you.
Actually, I think Dad
Was a wee bit more than disappointed.
A car is not a toy.
And the privilege of driving
Is not something to be taken lightly.
Now, anyone with half a brain
Would have settled for a lecture.
But, well... Wayne was Wayne.
Well, what good is having a license
If all I get to do is drive Kevin around?
You're right.
Huh?
No more driving for you.
Privileges suspended... Indefinitely.
A funny thing happens when you're 13
And your brother gets punished.
You kind of enjoy it.
[ spits ]
What are you grinning at?
In fact, you revel in it.
Sure, I felt some pity.
But somehow I knew, deep down, it was him or me.
You're not gonna believe this. It's too cool!
What?
Remember that girl from the mall?
Remember?
I'd spent the whole week trying to forget
How idiotic I must have looked to her in that parking lot.
What about her?
Well... I talked to her friend.
You did? Where?
I saw her walking out of the movie again.
You went back to see "Romeo and Juliet"?
Hey, I took Carla, okay?
So, what happened?
Well, it turns out that the pretty girl,
She used to go to Jericho,
And her brother john went steady with Carla's friend Cathy
Back in the sixth grade. Paul.
Well, these two used to hang out together.
They used to make mud pies and stuff...
Paul, will you get to the point?
Well, she told Carla that she's gonna be at the mall tonight,
And we might kind of... Run into her.
- Run into her? - Mm-hmm.
What else did she say?
Nothing.
[ Sighs ]
Except the pretty one thinks you're cute.
She said that?
[ Clears throat ]
Really?
Mom?
Hey, Mom?
Can you take me to the m...
[ tires screech ]
Mall?
[ Sighing ] oh, no.
Wayne will drive you.
Won't you, Wayne?
Sure. I'd be glad to.
But I...
Your brother and I had a little talk about responsibility.
Right, Wayne?
Right, Dad. Ready to go, Kev?
"Kev"?
This was nuts.
Did they really believe Wayne had changed his spots?
Would 6:00 be okay for you, Kev?
Still, it was possible...
In theory.
Get out.
Note I said "in theory."
What?
Here. Here's 10 bucks.
Why don't you go hang out at Paul's house for a couple hours?
No way!
We're going to the mall.
- No, you're not. - Yes, we are.
Look, I have a date with Delores, and I don't have time
To drive you all the way to the mall.
Well, I have a date, too.
[ Scoffs ] oh, right. Come on. I'm already late.
So are we.
We're not getting out, Wayne.
Fine.
Then we'll just sit here.
Fine.
Kevin, quit fooling around! Just take the money and get out!
No. You promised Dad.
Hey, I didn't get my license so I could be your chauffeur.
Okay. So what are we supposed to do?
I'll give you a choice... get out of the car...
Or die.
Is today Friday? I just remembered.
I-I gotta take my sister to, uh, kiddie city.
Maybe I'll just walk home from here.
Well?
Just take me to the stupid mall!
Kevin, I'm not kidding!
- I'm not either! - Get out of the damn car!
Maybe I should have.
But I knew if I gave in now,
I'd be riding a bike for the rest of my life.
Look, Wayne, will you just stop acting like a selfish jerk?!
Fine. You want to go to the mall?
Well, let's go to the mall.
[ Engine turns over ]
Instinctively, I knew I had to show no fear.
[ tires screeching ]
I knew Wayne would never push it past a certain limit.
[ tires screeching ]
I was wrong.
[ tires screeching ]
Wayne.
Wayne, look out!
[ Tires screech ]
[ Scream echoing ]
At that Moment, all I could think of
Was that great big house with the great big yard
I'd never see again.
Wayne!
Wayne! You're crazy! You know that?!
You could have got us killed!
[ Engine idling ]
Are you okay?
It was the first time he had asked me that question
In 13 years.
Yeah, I think so.
[ Car creaking, squealing ]
As we drove home in silence,
We began to realize the absurdity of our situation.
We were two people with almost nothing in common
Thrown together by circumstance.
The harder we struggled against that fact,
The more tightly we were bound together.
[ chuckles ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ laughs ]
[ Both laughing ]
That night, the gap between 13 and 16
Got a little smaller.
[ laughter continues ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
[ Dog barking in distance ]
What the hell happened?
[ Clears throat ]
The tire blew, Dad.
The spare was flat.
How fast were you going?
Only about 30.
35.
[ Clears throat ]
I didn't make it back to the mall for several weeks.
Somehow, I just didn't feel like getting in a car.
Want a lift?
No. I'll walk.
Aw, come on. Get in.
As for Wayne and me, we'd reached a new understanding.
[ engine revs ]
Wayne.
[ laughs ] come on. Get in.
We didn't have to be friends or anything.
[ engine revs ]
Wayne!
No. No. Really.
But we'd always be brothers.
♪ 'round, 'round, get around, I get around ♪
♪ Yeah, get around, 'round, 'round ♪
♪ I get around ♪
♪ Get around, 'round, 'round ♪ I get around ♪
♪ From town to town ♪
♪ Get around, 'round, 'round, I get around ♪
♪ I'm a real cool head ♪
♪ Get around, 'round, 'round, I get around ♪
♪ I'm making real good bread ♪
♪ Get around, 'round, 'round, I get around ♪
♪ I'm gettin' bugged drivin' up and down the same, old strip ♪
♪ I gotta find a new place where the kids are hip ♪
♪ My buddies and me are gettin' real well known ♪
♪ Yeah, the bad guys know us, and they leave us alone ♪