1
00:00:04,637 --> 00:00:07,697
I can't believe you've managed
to stay in this house.
2
00:00:07,874 --> 00:00:10,502
You're like a human barnacle.
3
00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:12,070
Thanks, Mom.
4
00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:16,544
I wasn't putting you down, sweetheart.
It's good that you have a skill.
5
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:18,547
You come for a reason
or to insult me?
6
00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:21,346
The two aren't mutually exclusive.
7
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:24,547
-Mom.
-Charlie's bank contacted me.
8
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,887
Seems he had
a secret safe-deposit box.
9
00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:30,552
I knew he had to have something
squirreled away.
10
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,528
-I went right down there to check it out.
-What was in it?
11
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,567
-Cash? Diamonds? Krugerrands?
-Wipe your mouth. You're drooling a little.
12
00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:40,539
-Sorry.
-I was surprised by what was in there.
13
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,073
-Oh, tell me, tell me.
-I'll do better than that.
14
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:46,872
Here. I'm pretty sure
he wanted you to have this.
15
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,412
[LAUGHS]
16
00:00:48,581 --> 00:00:51,243
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
I knew you'd look out for me, big bro.
17
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:52,885
What the hell is this?
18
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,544
Charlie's journal.
19
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:59,180
-Charlie kept a journal?
-Your brother was a very complex man.
20
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:03,386
Perhaps he needed a safe place
to express his deepest emotions...
21
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,861
...and innermost thoughts
or some such nonsense.
22
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:10,828
No. No, no cash, dear.
Already checked.
23
00:01:12,338 --> 00:01:15,273
Of course not. Why leave cash
to your impoverished brother...
24
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:18,605
...when you can leave
your alcohol-muddled thoughts?
25
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,137
Yay.
26
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:24,145
"To whom it may concern,
if you are reading this...
27
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:27,478
...it means either my heart or lungs
finally gave out.
28
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,088
Or I rejected my new liver.
29
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:33,623
Or my brother
wouldn't give me a piece of his.
30
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:38,059
Or I choked on my own vomit,
or somebody else's.
31
00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:41,598
Or some crazy chick pushed me
in front of a bus." Oh, so close.
32
00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:48,138
Well, I hope reading it brings you
some comfort and closure.
33
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:50,970
You're sure that's all
that was in the safe-deposit box?
34
00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:53,009
-Yes.
-So my brother went to the bank...
35
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:55,807
...and rented a safe-deposit box
just for this journal?
36
00:01:55,982 --> 00:01:58,348
-It would appear so.
-That makes no sense.
37
00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,145
He intimated on many occasions...
38
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,016
...that he had some cash
stashed away for emergencies...
39
00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:06,124
...you know, like getting a hooker
after an earthquake.
40
00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:09,987
Sweetheart, you have to stop
living in the past.
41
00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:11,653
What's done is done.
44
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:18,502
-Is that a new watch?
-No.
45
00:02:18,671 --> 00:02:21,003
You have your whole life
ahead of you.
46
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:25,201
And the fact is, you and l
are all that's left of this family.
47
00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:26,935
Well...
48
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,939
...pfft, you, me and Jake.
49
00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:30,776
Hey, Grandma.
50
00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:31,974
[BURPS]
51
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,280
Whoa, I thought that was coming out
the other end.
52
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:40,619
You're right. It's just you and me.
53
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,655
-That looks like a man's Cartier.
-It's a knockoff.
54
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,360
My point is, with Charlie gone...
55
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:51,937
...you and I have to learn how to help
and support one another no matter what.
56
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,031
Gee, that would be great, heh.
57
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:58,541
You were always the good son.
58
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,038
Now you're my only son.
59
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:05,650
Oh, Mommy.
60
00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:08,981
EVELYN:
Oh, Walden, how nice to see you.
61
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:16,957
It's a miracle I'm not a transsexual
on Dancing with the Stars.
62
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:49,522
I must tell you, Walden, it's so nice
to finally see someone in this house...
63
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:51,459
...who surfs for something
other than porn.
64
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:52,893
[CHUCKLES]
65
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,863
Yeah, I love the ocean.
66
00:03:55,034 --> 00:03:57,332
Just you alone with your thoughts.
67
00:03:57,503 --> 00:04:00,836
Time standing still,
at peace with the entire universe.
68
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:03,703
Plus you can pee in it
and nobody knows.
69
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:05,400
Charming.
70
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:08,274
Actually I'm glad you stopped by. Unh.
71
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:10,416
Do you know a good interior designer?
72
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:14,644
Oh, as a matter of fact,
I know a great one.
73
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:21,356
"Evelyn Harper Interior Design."
I thought you were a real estate agent.
74
00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:24,394
I am. I'm also a building inspector,
mortgage broker...
75
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,691
...notary public and a bail bondsman.
76
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:28,928
A bail bondsman?
77
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,196
Admittedly, that business
has slowed down since my son died.
78
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:34,996
Getting back to your needs...
79
00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:37,734
...what did you have in mind
in terms of redecorating?
80
00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:42,108
Ugh, I don't know.
I just want my home to reflect who I am.
81
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,909
And who are you?
82
00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:48,380
I got a buttload of money,
but I'm a pretty simple guy.
83
00:04:48,554 --> 00:04:52,388
I like people,
but I don't entertain a lot.
84
00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:56,016
Oh, I'm not a neat freak,
but I don't like clutter.
85
00:04:56,195 --> 00:05:00,598
Oh, and the most important thing is I want
the house to use green renewable energy.
86
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:02,758
-Like solar power and wind power.
-Hmm.
87
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:05,733
Unless Brookstone comes out
with a home nuclear reactor...
88
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:08,567
... because, come on,
who wouldn't want one of those?
89
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:12,407
"A buttload of money."
90
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:14,806
You're in good hands.
91
00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:21,209
This journal is unbelievable.
92
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:25,448
-Aren't thinking of publishing it, are you?
-What? Of course not. Why?
93
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,760
Well, I'm shopping around
my own Charlie memoir.
94
00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:31,658
It's called Man Whore.
95
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,633
It's catchy, heh.
96
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:37,827
But there was more to Charlie
than we thought. Uh, listen to this.
97
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,235
Um, "l just sent a girl home
who told me she loved me...
98
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:43,170
...and I can't even remember
her name.
99
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,938
What is wrong with me that I just
have anonymous drunken encounters?
100
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:51,743
Do I drink to fill the loneliness
or to hide from the horror I've become?"
101
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:54,978
Um, ugh, I feel awful that
I lived with him for so long...
102
00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:57,315
...and I didn't recognize his pain.
103
00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:02,624
"l remember. Her name is Rachel.
I feel better now.
104
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:08,794
I'll reward myself with some cocaine
and an Asian hooker."
105
00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:15,131
So remember, the key to balancing
the equation is to place coefficients...
106
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:18,300
...in front of each reactant and product
so that all the atoms balance.
107
00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:19,638
[SNIFFS]
108
00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:22,303
I bet you shower every day.
109
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:26,779
We're supposed to be studying
for the chemistry midterm.
110
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,978
I'd rather study our chemistry.
111
00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:30,988
Lame.
112
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,785
Really?
I thought it was a double intendo.
113
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:38,663
Hey, guys. What you studying?
114
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:42,101
-Chemistry.
-Cool.
115
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:44,595
Looks like you two
have a little chemistry.
116
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:47,467
Heh, that's so clever.
117
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:49,740
[CHUCKLES]
118
00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:54,305
-I'm Megan.
-Oh, hi. It's nice to meet you. I'm Walden.
119
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,641
Oh, are you the Walden
that bought the house?
120
00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:58,943
Yeah, how many Waldens
have you met lately?
121
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:01,552
Heh, that's so funny. Ha.
122
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:04,212
And I'm lame.
123
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:06,514
Well, it was nice to meet you.
124
00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:09,820
I'll let you two get back
to your chemistry.
125
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,157
Bye, Walden.
It was nice meeting you too.
126
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:17,867
You know, if he hooks up with you,
he goes to jail.
127
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:20,933
I'd wait for him.
128
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:29,743
ALAN:
"Peed blood again this morning.
129
00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:33,015
Should I be worried?"
130
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,650
As it turns out, no.
131
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,361
We have to get rid of Walden.
132
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,796
-We do?
-Oh, yeah, he's gotta go.
133
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,129
Does it occur to you
that this is his house...
134
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,363
...and if anybody goes,
it's gonna be us?
135
00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:55,971
Actually, no.
136
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:57,535
What's the problem?
137
00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:59,473
He's stealing my girlfriend.
138
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:01,112
I thought she was your tutor.
139
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,771
Would I have asked for a tutor
if I didn't have a--?
140
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:06,282
What do you call it, interior motive?
141
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,688
Go on.
142
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:17,427
She's only interested
in glomming onto Walden.
143
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:21,499
If it makes you feel any better, my
mother likes him more than she likes me.
144
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:23,566
Why would that make me feel better?
145
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:27,832
I honestly don't know.
146
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:29,833
[DOORBELL RINGS]
147
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:31,909
Is this what I have to look forward to?
148
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:33,807
Losing girls to smarter,
better-looking men?
149
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:39,077
Ugh, well, think of it this way. You're
carrying on a proud family tradition.
150
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,450
-Hello, dear.
-What's all this?
151
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:48,617
Oh, didn't you know?
I'm helping young Thor redecorate.
152
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:50,922
I hope that's all you're doing.
153
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,621
Whatever do you mean?
154
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:54,857
He's tall, he's handsome,
he's vulnerable...
155
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,298
...and you're old enough
to be his ancestor.
156
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:02,263
Relax, Alan. The only thing I wanna pull
out of that boy's pants is his wallet.
157
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:07,005
-You sure?
-Believe me, I have no ulterior motive.
158
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:09,044
Uh, I believe that's "interior," Grandma.
159
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:15,483
You really should get that boy a unicycle
and some juggling pins.
160
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:17,953
Evelyn, cool, you're here.
Uh, could you come on up?
161
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,558
There's some things I want you to do
in my bedroom.
162
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,323
Give the customer what he wants.
163
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:32,797
Okay, to start with,
I want gray Carrara marble counters.
164
00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:34,530
A steam shower.
165
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:37,699
Oh, and can we get
one of those fancy Japanese toilets...
166
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:39,902
...that sprays water
and cleans your tushy?
167
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:43,640
With your money, you could afford
an actual Japanese person to do it.
168
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,410
See what you can find.
169
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:49,648
Okay, in here,
I would like to replace the bed frame...
170
00:09:49,822 --> 00:09:53,019
...the curtains, the dresser,
the end tables and the lamps.
171
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:56,252
All right. What would you like
to replace them with?
172
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,896
Um....
173
00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:01,898
A cooler bed frame,
cooler curtains, cooler dresser...
174
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:04,696
...cooler end tables and cooler lamps.
175
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:07,703
Cooler. I'm on it.
176
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,042
Uh, now, would you like to repaint?
177
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:14,043
Hey, can I have walls that
change color depending on my mood?
178
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:15,510
No.
179
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:19,742
But we could paint them white and get
you an industrial-strength antidepressant.
180
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:21,784
That will work too.
181
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,320
-Would you like to keep the camera?
-What camera?
182
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,093
Aah!
183
00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:34,255
Awesome. I'm on TV.
184
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:38,760
Hello. I am so keeping that.
185
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:40,599
All right, heh, anything else?
186
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,304
Can I have a Jacuzzi on the balcony?
187
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,705
Because I'm single now.
188
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:49,075
So I'm gonna be having sex
with a lot of women I haven't met yet.
189
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:53,882
Ooh, I just got an idea.
190
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:58,647
Just out of curiosity,
what kind of women are you attracted to?
191
00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:00,553
There's my wife.
192
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,956
Oh, and there's women
who look like my wife.
193
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:04,426
That's very romantic.
194
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,087
Oh, and Ellen DeGeneres.
195
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:08,995
I don't know if it's the slacks
or the way she dances.
196
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,726
It's hot.
197
00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:21,841
You're up early.
198
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:25,142
Charlie's journal. I can't stop reading it.
Listen to this.
199
00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:28,747
"My brother's kid showed up today.
He's kind of cute.
200
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:30,616
No way he's really Alan's kid.
201
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:35,124
And best of all, he's smart as a whip.
202
00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:38,127
I think he's got a very bright future."
203
00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:41,095
Oh, that just breaks my heart.
204
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:44,298
Yeah, we were all so young
and naive then.
205
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:47,462
-Hey.
-Hey.
206
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,513
What? I took a huge dump.
207
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,147
No way he's really my kid.
208
00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:10,194
You look very pretty today.
209
00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:12,362
Jake, I'm here to study.
210
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:16,297
The test was yesterday.
I already failed.
211
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,335
Hey, guys.
212
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:21,064
-Ugh, hey, Walden.
-Here we go.
213
00:12:22,174 --> 00:12:25,143
Oh, Megan,
you look very pretty today.
214
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:27,842
Thanks. You look pretty too.
215
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,041
Thank you.
216
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:32,708
Where are you going?
217
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:35,752
Oh, I am going furniture shopping
with Jake's grandma.
218
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,821
Oh, I love furniture.
219
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:41,716
And grandmas.
220
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:43,923
Cool.
221
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,090
See you.
222
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:48,699
See you.
223
00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:51,226
Okay, Megan,
I know what's going on here...
224
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,928
...and I really don't appreciate--
225
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:56,732
What's that about?
226
00:12:57,409 --> 00:13:01,038
-I don't know. I'm just in the mood.
-Okay.
227
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:05,112
-Come on.
-Okay.
228
00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:07,376
-Where are we going?
-To your room.
229
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:08,952
Okay.
230
00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:14,089
Hello, gorgeous.
231
00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:17,021
Did you miss me?
232
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:19,323
Because I sure missed you.
233
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:22,861
Let me pull this thing out of you.
234
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:34,437
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
235
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:36,706
Are you gonna turn your car off?
236
00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:41,114
I did.
237
00:13:44,256 --> 00:13:45,780
Might need service.
238
00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:49,386
Sadly, that's where I just came from.
239
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,021
[ENGINE CLANKS]
240
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,100
You know what's great
about my electric car?
241
00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:57,462
What?
242
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,095
I just turned it on.
243
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:02,604
Sweet. So where you headed?
244
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:05,608
Uh, going to pick up your mom.
We're going furniture shopping.
245
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:10,511
Okay, well, just a little heads-up before
you journey to the caves of Mordor.
246
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,744
My mother has what you might call
a, uh, proclivity for younger men.
247
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,787
-You mean she's like a cougar?
-No, she's not like a cougar.
248
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:20,152
She's the mother of all cougars.
249
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:22,351
So kind of an über-cougar?
250
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,519
A super-duper über-cougar.
251
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:28,394
You think a bit of better butter
would make her bitter batter better?
252
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:32,703
-What?
-I just like saying that.
253
00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:33,997
Walden, I'm serious here.
254
00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:37,267
Heh. Don't worry.
I'm not gonna hook up with your mom.
255
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:41,709
Yeah, if I had a dime for every time
I heard that, I'd have $3.60.
256
00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:47,543
I mean, I know that doesn't
sound like a lot, but it is 36 times.
257
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,511
That's a very weird thing
to keep track of.
258
00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:52,480
A lot of free time.
259
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:55,891
Trust me, nothing's gonna happen.
260
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,393
Okay, but try not to hurt her feelings.
261
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,896
I mean, she may be
a rapacious sexual predator...
262
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:03,296
...but she breaks just like a little girl.
263
00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,301
Understood.
264
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:06,695
Oh, hey, check it out.
265
00:15:06,872 --> 00:15:08,806
I got voice control.
266
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,236
Lights on.
267
00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:13,977
Radio on.
268
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:16,580
[HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO]
269
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,239
Back up.
270
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,743
Bye.
271
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:33,891
Well, you may not be pretty
or expensive...
272
00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:37,035
...but you get me where I wanna go, heh.
273
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,769
Thank you for walking me to my door.
274
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:44,772
You don't meet many gentlemen
nowadays.
275
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:48,970
WALDEN: You're welcome.
Is that a camera? Hello.
276
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,674
Would you like to come in
for a drink before you go?
277
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,714
-I should probably get going.
-What's your hurry?
278
00:15:56,855 --> 00:16:02,020
I just think that we should keep our
relationship business and not "business."
279
00:16:02,861 --> 00:16:05,762
Oh, my goodness, heh.
Do you think I'm hitting on you?
280
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,726
Well, Alan did say
that you're an über-cougar.
281
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:12,970
An über-cougar?
282
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,436
A super-duper über-cougar.
283
00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:16,665
[GROWLS]
284
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:21,608
Oh, my Lord.
Now, you listen to me, young man.
285
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:26,945
My son has some serious issues
and he tends to imagine things.
286
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:32,022
Believe me, I have no carnal designs
on you whatsoever.
287
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:35,655
-Really?
-For God's sake, Walden.
288
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,762
I'm old enough to be your mother.
289
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:40,956
Assuming a teenage pregnancy,
of course.
290
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:45,432
Okay. Sure, I'll have a drink.
291
00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:00,183
Are you gonna tell Alan?
292
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:05,446
I'm gonna tell everyone.
293
00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:15,990
ALAN: "Alan moved in with his
girlfriend yesterday.
294
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:18,363
How stupid is she?
295
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,305
Oh, well. Doesn't matter.
296
00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:26,206
Like a nonspecific urinary infection,
I'm sure he'll be back before long.
297
00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:31,506
Truth be told, I actually kind of miss
the jug-eared freeloader.
298
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:33,810
How stupid am I?"
299
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,651
I don't believe it.
300
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:40,591
He loved me, heh.
301
00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:43,453
My brother loved me.
302
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:49,865
ALAN: "Speaking of stupid,
today I bought a $100,000 Cartier watch.
303
00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:53,232
But I'm afraid to wear it,
so I'll keep it in my safe-deposit box. "
304
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,805
Son of a bitch.
305
00:17:57,142 --> 00:17:59,474
That was-- That was great.
306
00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:04,248
Just great. Thank you so much.
307
00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:11,352
-Hey.
-Hey.
308
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:12,820
How'd it go with my mom?
309
00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:15,354
Fine, fine.
310
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:17,495
Just shopped for furniture.
311
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:22,630
Rugs, chairs and tables.
312
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:26,932
-Nice.
-Armoires, ottomans...
313
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:30,836
...curtains, recliners,
love seats, throw pillows.
314
00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:32,772
Okay, good night.
315
00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:37,712
Oh, yeah, she did him.
316
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,217
Bye. Thanks again.
317
00:18:40,385 --> 00:18:41,750
Hey, dude, how you doing?
318
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,889
Fantastic. I love you, man.
319
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,687
Thanks.
320
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:53,524
What an affectionate family.
321
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,319
[English - US - SDH]