1
00:00:01,214 --> 00:00:03,964
NARRATOR: In the fall of 2011,
Lily and Marshall received
2
00:00:03,965 --> 00:00:05,998
a surprising gift
from Lily's grandparents:
3
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,750
their house in Long Island.
4
00:00:07,752 --> 00:00:11,720
Lily and Marshall decided to
sell it for one simple reason.
5
00:00:11,722 --> 00:00:13,088
It's Long Island.
6
00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:15,474
I don't want to spend
my Saturday in Long Island.
7
00:00:15,476 --> 00:00:16,759
I know, babe,
8
00:00:16,761 --> 00:00:18,844
but the realtor staged the
place with fake furniture
9
00:00:18,846 --> 00:00:21,230
and she wants us to check it
out before the open house.
10
00:00:21,232 --> 00:00:22,248
All right.
11
00:00:22,250 --> 00:00:24,266
Can we at least do it
on the fake bed?
12
00:00:24,268 --> 00:00:27,236
I'm embarrassed
that you have to ask.
13
00:00:27,238 --> 00:00:29,271
So, they headed out
to Long Island,
14
00:00:29,273 --> 00:00:32,174
and when they walked
in the door...
15
00:00:32,176 --> 00:00:33,976
We'll take it!
16
00:00:33,978 --> 00:00:35,327
We-We can't take it.
17
00:00:35,329 --> 00:00:37,162
We're the ones selling it.
18
00:00:37,164 --> 00:00:39,331
We are selling it, right?
19
00:00:39,333 --> 00:00:41,417
Baby, your grandparents gave
you this house outright.
20
00:00:41,419 --> 00:00:43,485
So, the way I see it,
we have five options.
21
00:00:43,487 --> 00:00:44,586
One: sell it.
22
00:00:44,588 --> 00:00:46,789
Two: year-round
haunted house.
23
00:00:46,791 --> 00:00:50,826
Three: giant fence around the
perimeter, chimp sanctuary.
24
00:00:50,828 --> 00:00:52,160
There's already a tire
swing in the backyard.
25
00:00:52,162 --> 00:00:54,463
Four: we destroy it
with sledgehammers.
26
00:00:54,465 --> 00:00:56,181
I like four.
27
00:00:56,183 --> 00:00:59,601
Or five: we move in,
raise our children
28
00:00:59,603 --> 00:01:01,670
and make this our family home.
29
00:01:01,672 --> 00:01:04,023
Till they graduate.
30
00:01:04,025 --> 00:01:06,892
Then we destroy it
with sledgehammers.
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00:01:06,894 --> 00:01:09,695
(voice breaks):
As a family.
32
00:01:09,697 --> 00:01:11,647
No, this is crazy!
33
00:01:11,649 --> 00:01:12,898
We are New York people.
34
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:15,517
We have a big, beautiful
apartment that we love.
35
00:01:15,519 --> 00:01:16,618
You're right.
36
00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:18,020
But something happened
37
00:01:18,022 --> 00:01:19,405
to Lily and Marshall that day.
38
00:01:19,407 --> 00:01:21,206
Something that happens
to all New Yorkers
39
00:01:21,208 --> 00:01:24,043
who return home from anywhere
other than New York.
40
00:01:24,045 --> 00:01:26,879
Their big, lovely apartment...
41
00:01:26,881 --> 00:01:28,747
Huh. That's weird.
44
00:01:41,946 --> 00:01:46,247
Okay, after Thanksgiving,
I'm cutting out carbs.
45
00:01:46,347 --> 00:01:49,847
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x11 ♪
The Rebound Girl
Original Air Date on November 21, 2011
46
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:53,348
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
47
00:02:01,935 --> 00:02:04,477
NARRATOR: Now, kids, it had been
a rough couple weeks for Barney.
48
00:02:04,982 --> 00:02:07,149
First, he cheated
on his girlfriend with Robin,
49
00:02:07,151 --> 00:02:09,051
then he broke up
with his girlfriend for Robin,
50
00:02:09,053 --> 00:02:10,952
then Robin chose Kevin
over him.
51
00:02:10,954 --> 00:02:13,238
So he was kind of
in a bad place.
52
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,506
TED:
Hey.
53
00:02:14,508 --> 00:02:15,624
You all right?
54
00:02:15,626 --> 00:02:17,125
Why wouldn't I
be all right?
55
00:02:17,127 --> 00:02:18,376
Barney's single again!
56
00:02:18,378 --> 00:02:20,245
It's what America's
been clamoring for.
57
00:02:20,247 --> 00:02:21,930
You just went
through a break-up.
58
00:02:21,932 --> 00:02:23,515
That's usually when people
do something crazy.
59
00:02:23,517 --> 00:02:25,434
If you were a girl,
you'd have cut bangs
60
00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:27,385
and be dating you by now.
61
00:02:27,387 --> 00:02:29,387
Just promise me
you won't do something crazy.
62
00:02:29,389 --> 00:02:31,640
I promise I won't
do something crazy.
63
00:02:31,642 --> 00:02:34,292
Don't worry, he's gonna do
something crazy.
64
00:02:34,294 --> 00:02:36,945
In fact, I think
I'm done with girls.
65
00:02:36,947 --> 00:02:38,930
I'm not sure I even
like them anymore.
66
00:02:38,932 --> 00:02:40,615
Based on all the stuff you've
done to them over the years,
67
00:02:40,617 --> 00:02:41,700
I'm not sure
you ever liked them.
68
00:02:41,702 --> 00:02:43,568
I'm serious.
69
00:02:43,570 --> 00:02:44,786
Come on, you love girls.
70
00:02:44,788 --> 00:02:46,938
If anyone should be
done with girls, it's me.
71
00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:48,439
Look at the year I've had.
72
00:02:48,441 --> 00:02:50,375
Zoey, Victoria,
the Slutty Pumpkin.
73
00:02:50,377 --> 00:02:52,794
Now I'm worried
you're gonna do something crazy.
74
00:02:52,796 --> 00:02:54,629
I'm not gonna do
something crazy.
75
00:02:54,631 --> 00:02:58,633
And yes, I'm gonna do
something crazy, too.
76
00:02:58,635 --> 00:03:00,435
But girls, man.
77
00:03:00,437 --> 00:03:01,803
Girls.
78
00:03:01,805 --> 00:03:04,389
- You know what would kick ass?
- Being gay?
79
00:03:04,391 --> 00:03:06,725
Being gay would kick ass!
80
00:03:06,727 --> 00:03:08,560
Word. Guys understand
each other.
81
00:03:08,562 --> 00:03:10,178
Imagine a relationship where,
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00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:12,147
instead of talking
about feelings all the time,
83
00:03:12,149 --> 00:03:14,632
you just play some Madden,
eat a pizza,
84
00:03:14,634 --> 00:03:16,434
give each other a happy,
roll over
85
00:03:16,436 --> 00:03:18,069
and have some
cuddle-free shut-eye.
86
00:03:18,071 --> 00:03:19,437
Bro, for what it's worth,
87
00:03:19,439 --> 00:03:22,691
if we were both gay,
you'd be my first call.
88
00:03:22,693 --> 00:03:24,659
Would you mind calling Marshall
and telling him that?
89
00:03:24,661 --> 00:03:25,694
'Cause he thinks...
90
00:03:25,696 --> 00:03:27,312
No, this is only in a scenario
91
00:03:27,314 --> 00:03:29,614
where just you and I are gay,
not Marshall.
92
00:03:29,616 --> 00:03:31,149
But if all three of us were gay,
93
00:03:31,151 --> 00:03:32,834
you'd pick me
over Marshall, right?
94
00:03:32,836 --> 00:03:34,636
If all three of us were gay?
95
00:03:34,638 --> 00:03:38,507
Girlfriend, we would
all three of us have some fun.
96
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,542
Damn right we would.
97
00:03:42,712 --> 00:03:44,796
We're not gay.
98
00:03:44,798 --> 00:03:47,048
Nope. Stuck with girls.
99
00:03:47,050 --> 00:03:48,099
(grunts)
100
00:03:48,101 --> 00:03:49,417
I wish men could have children
101
00:03:49,419 --> 00:03:50,936
on their own, like sea horses.
102
00:03:50,938 --> 00:03:52,687
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
103
00:03:52,689 --> 00:03:53,688
They have a little pouch.
104
00:03:53,690 --> 00:03:55,106
They should be called
sea kangaroos.
105
00:03:55,108 --> 00:03:57,943
No, y-you want kids?
106
00:03:57,945 --> 00:04:01,179
Maybe I've kind of
lately been thinking
107
00:04:01,181 --> 00:04:04,449
about the whole
wife and kids thing.
108
00:04:04,451 --> 00:04:06,234
Just minus the wife.
109
00:04:06,236 --> 00:04:07,852
You could always go it alone.
110
00:04:07,854 --> 00:04:10,021
Like Mr. Drummond
on Diff'rent Strokes.
111
00:04:10,023 --> 00:04:13,158
Yeah, but that was the '80s,
when you could just swing by
112
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,993
any inner-city playground
in your limo
113
00:04:14,995 --> 00:04:16,378
and scoop up some kids.
- Mmm.
114
00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:18,547
- Simpler times.
- Hmm.
115
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:19,864
I guess it's better
to have someone
116
00:04:19,866 --> 00:04:21,633
in it with you anyway, you know?
Lifetime partnership.
117
00:04:21,635 --> 00:04:23,335
The only partnership in my life
118
00:04:23,337 --> 00:04:25,670
that has stood the test of time
is this one.
119
00:04:25,672 --> 00:04:28,506
The sacred bond of man and bro.
120
00:04:28,508 --> 00:04:31,209
Maybe we should start
a family together.
121
00:04:31,211 --> 00:04:32,577
(both laugh)
122
00:04:34,981 --> 00:04:36,314
Are you kidding?
123
00:04:36,316 --> 00:04:38,183
This place is huge.
124
00:04:38,185 --> 00:04:40,936
I mean, look, I can
dance all crazy in here.
125
00:04:40,938 --> 00:04:42,571
Oh! Sh...
126
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:45,574
Listen, um, Robin,
127
00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:47,525
are you okay with us all
128
00:04:47,527 --> 00:04:49,578
doing Thanksgiving
out in East Meadow?
129
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,112
Uh, yeah, I guess
that'd be nice.
130
00:04:51,114 --> 00:04:52,280
Oh, great!
131
00:04:52,282 --> 00:04:54,449
And then after Thanksgiving,
Lily and I were thinking
132
00:04:54,451 --> 00:04:56,567
that we would just
stay at the house
133
00:04:56,569 --> 00:04:58,503
until, you know...
134
00:04:58,505 --> 00:05:00,071
we die.
135
00:05:00,073 --> 00:05:01,289
What?
136
00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:02,874
No!
137
00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:05,260
You can't move
to Long Island!
138
00:05:05,262 --> 00:05:07,212
But this house
is so nice.
139
00:05:07,214 --> 00:05:11,132
It's big, and it's clean,
and if there's cockroaches,
140
00:05:11,134 --> 00:05:13,718
they respect us enough
to sneak around.
141
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:14,803
Listen to yourself.
142
00:05:14,805 --> 00:05:17,255
This is Pregnancy Brain
all over again.
143
00:05:17,257 --> 00:05:19,024
No, I'm done
with Pregnancy Brain.
144
00:05:19,026 --> 00:05:23,111
I've moved on
to weird pregnancy sex dreams.
145
00:05:23,113 --> 00:05:24,696
Officer.
146
00:05:25,448 --> 00:05:27,899
You know. You know.
147
00:05:27,901 --> 00:05:32,370
I'm-I'm just saying, you're not
in the right mind to be making
148
00:05:32,372 --> 00:05:33,488
this decision
right now.
149
00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:35,123
You know what? Robin's right.
150
00:05:35,125 --> 00:05:38,276
We are in no state of mind
to make this kind of decision.
151
00:05:38,278 --> 00:05:40,829
Thank you. And now you're
stepping off the crazy bus.
152
00:05:40,831 --> 00:05:42,380
We let the universe decide.
153
00:05:42,382 --> 00:05:43,832
And now you're back on board.
154
00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:45,417
You hear that, Universe?
155
00:05:45,419 --> 00:05:48,753
If you send us a sign
in the next...
156
00:05:48,755 --> 00:05:51,840
24 hours, then we're moving
to Long Island!
157
00:05:51,842 --> 00:05:53,558
Okay?
158
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:54,476
Go.
159
00:05:54,478 --> 00:05:55,626
ROBIN:
Hey, guys,
160
00:05:55,628 --> 00:05:57,345
for the last time,
this place is enormous--
161
00:05:57,347 --> 00:05:58,346
Oh!
162
00:05:58,348 --> 00:06:00,732
Geez, how many lamps
do you have?
163
00:06:01,767 --> 00:06:02,984
It's genius!
164
00:06:02,986 --> 00:06:05,570
Instead of throwing away
your life marrying some girl,
165
00:06:05,572 --> 00:06:08,823
you just go splitsies on a kid
with your best bro!
166
00:06:08,825 --> 00:06:09,908
I wouldn't have to choose
167
00:06:09,910 --> 00:06:11,809
between dating
and having a family.
168
00:06:11,811 --> 00:06:14,479
Hell, I could bring
the kids on dates!
169
00:06:14,481 --> 00:06:15,664
And a broken home?
170
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:16,948
Um, what's that?
171
00:06:16,950 --> 00:06:18,083
Our kids will never know,
172
00:06:18,085 --> 00:06:19,650
'cause we're never
gonna split up!
173
00:06:19,652 --> 00:06:20,669
Why would we?
174
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:22,087
I mean, sure,
when your wife walks in
175
00:06:22,089 --> 00:06:24,155
on you banging a hot flight
attendant, you get a divorce.
176
00:06:24,157 --> 00:06:25,823
But when your bro-parent
walks in on you
177
00:06:25,825 --> 00:06:27,158
banging a hot
flight attendant...
178
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,427
You get five of these bad boys,
right up high!
179
00:06:29,429 --> 00:06:32,347
(laughs) And you totally
join in, right?!
180
00:06:32,349 --> 00:06:34,165
Oh, no, there's the line.
That's the line.
181
00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:36,267
We found the line.
It's good we know where it is.
182
00:06:36,269 --> 00:06:37,302
Hey, guys.
183
00:06:37,304 --> 00:06:38,687
- Hey!
- Hey.
184
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,822
We have an announcement.
185
00:06:40,824 --> 00:06:42,724
So what you're
saying is,
186
00:06:42,726 --> 00:06:44,943
if you're meant to move
to Long Island,
187
00:06:44,945 --> 00:06:46,311
some sign from the universe
188
00:06:46,313 --> 00:06:47,946
will magically appear
at your doorstep?
189
00:06:47,948 --> 00:06:50,065
Now, kids, I don't think
there was a knock on the door
190
00:06:50,067 --> 00:06:52,634
at that exact moment, but for
the purposes of this story...
191
00:06:52,636 --> 00:06:54,452
(knock on door)
192
00:06:56,188 --> 00:06:57,455
Hi, I'm Clive.
193
00:06:57,457 --> 00:06:58,873
I live upstairs from you.
194
00:06:58,875 --> 00:07:00,959
Is this your sign?
195
00:07:00,961 --> 00:07:03,995
I don't know, Clive.
196
00:07:03,997 --> 00:07:05,363
Is it?
197
00:07:05,365 --> 00:07:07,215
Oh, did we leave that outside?
198
00:07:07,217 --> 00:07:09,834
Yeah, we're selling our house
in Long Island.
199
00:07:09,836 --> 00:07:12,003
Oh. Too bad you're not
selling this place.
200
00:07:12,005 --> 00:07:13,755
I'd love to turn
mine into a duplex.
201
00:07:13,757 --> 00:07:15,873
And I'd give you a really
good price for it,
202
00:07:15,875 --> 00:07:17,942
because I am so rich.
203
00:07:19,428 --> 00:07:20,912
He did not
say that.
204
00:07:20,914 --> 00:07:22,313
His shoes did.
205
00:07:22,315 --> 00:07:24,649
Okay, the point is,
we got the sign.
206
00:07:24,651 --> 00:07:26,935
We're moving to East Meadow.
207
00:07:27,653 --> 00:07:28,770
Let's get some champagne.
208
00:07:28,772 --> 00:07:30,438
And just like that,
Lily and Marshall
209
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,073
were beginning a new chapter
in their lives.
210
00:07:32,075 --> 00:07:34,242
Which meant only one thing
for us...
211
00:07:34,244 --> 00:07:36,111
We're having a baby!
212
00:07:36,113 --> 00:07:37,895
Bro-parents activate!
213
00:07:37,897 --> 00:07:40,081
(makes explosion noise)
214
00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:45,252
- Hey, let's talk baby names!
- Barney...
215
00:07:45,253 --> 00:07:47,103
Oh, my God!
That was my first choice, too.
216
00:07:47,105 --> 00:07:50,506
No, listen.
You and I are drunk.
217
00:07:50,508 --> 00:07:54,110
Which means there's a chance
that adopting a baby--
218
00:07:54,112 --> 00:07:56,312
no matter how cute
he is in my head
219
00:07:56,314 --> 00:07:59,482
with his little cowboy outfit on
and he's riding our dog
220
00:07:59,484 --> 00:08:02,034
like a horse
and we also have a dog,
221
00:08:02,036 --> 00:08:04,820
purebred Golden,
but it's okay, she's a rescue--
222
00:08:04,822 --> 00:08:06,622
might not be a good idea.
223
00:08:06,624 --> 00:08:08,658
You're right.
224
00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:11,794
So let's go home,
take some aspirin,
225
00:08:11,796 --> 00:08:14,029
drink lots of water,
226
00:08:14,031 --> 00:08:17,083
and then see if it's still
a good idea tomorrow.
227
00:08:17,751 --> 00:08:19,001
It's still a good idea!
228
00:08:19,003 --> 00:08:20,586
It's totally still
a good idea!
229
00:08:20,588 --> 00:08:21,921
We're having a baby!
230
00:08:21,923 --> 00:08:23,506
(both sobbing)
231
00:08:24,108 --> 00:08:26,358
NARRATOR: Kids, I cannot
stress this enough:
232
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,994
Barney and I were going
through a tough time.
233
00:08:28,996 --> 00:08:31,313
You're not leaving,
and that's final.
234
00:08:31,315 --> 00:08:35,317
Look what I bought at
4:00 a.m. in New York City.
235
00:08:35,319 --> 00:08:39,955
A bootleg VHS of a very,
very popular Korean movie,
236
00:08:39,957 --> 00:08:42,824
this genuine Lenny Vintone purse
237
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:45,994
and the number of a man
who can get me a kidney.
238
00:08:45,996 --> 00:08:47,379
Do that on Long Island.
239
00:08:47,381 --> 00:08:50,549
Look, Robin, we appreciate
that you want us
240
00:08:50,551 --> 00:08:53,135
to stay in the city, but
this is what we want.
241
00:08:53,137 --> 00:08:54,686
I mean, you
understand, right?
242
00:08:54,688 --> 00:08:56,004
(sighs)
243
00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:57,105
No.
244
00:08:57,107 --> 00:08:58,690
Here are a
few fun facts
245
00:08:58,692 --> 00:09:00,893
about Long Island.
(clears throat)
246
00:09:00,895 --> 00:09:03,612
Number one:
it's Brooklyn's fart trail.
247
00:09:04,513 --> 00:09:05,680
So Barney and I--
248
00:09:05,682 --> 00:09:07,515
and again,
going through a tough time,
249
00:09:07,517 --> 00:09:08,867
can't stress that enough--
250
00:09:08,869 --> 00:09:10,569
found an adoption agency
Web site
251
00:09:10,571 --> 00:09:12,788
and filled out
their online application.
252
00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:15,574
Name: Barney Stinson.
253
00:09:15,576 --> 00:09:17,409
Ted Mosby.
254
00:09:17,411 --> 00:09:18,377
Address...
255
00:09:18,379 --> 00:09:19,878
Oh, put my address
in Westchester.
256
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,163
They'll want to see we'll be
257
00:09:21,165 --> 00:09:22,798
raising this child
in a good environment.
258
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:23,966
You know, the suburbs.
259
00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:25,300
What? No.
260
00:09:25,302 --> 00:09:28,003
- All my guys are here.
- Your guys?
261
00:09:28,005 --> 00:09:29,805
Yeah. You know how I got
a guy for everything?
262
00:09:29,807 --> 00:09:31,089
Well, they're all in New York.
263
00:09:31,091 --> 00:09:33,175
My suit guy, my shoe guy,
my ticket guy, my club guy.
264
00:09:33,177 --> 00:09:34,709
And if I don't have
a guy for something,
265
00:09:34,711 --> 00:09:36,511
then I have a guy guy
to get me a guy.
266
00:09:36,513 --> 00:09:38,347
And oddly enough,
his name is Guy.
267
00:09:38,349 --> 00:09:40,215
Okay, fine.
How about this?
268
00:09:40,217 --> 00:09:43,051
We stay in the city during
the week, then on the weekend,
269
00:09:43,053 --> 00:09:44,353
country house in the burbs!
270
00:09:44,355 --> 00:09:46,855
This is why bro-parenting works!
271
00:09:46,857 --> 00:09:47,773
Totally!
272
00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:50,025
And with your salary
plus my salary,
273
00:09:50,027 --> 00:09:52,060
we can totally
afford two places.
274
00:09:52,062 --> 00:09:54,079
Oh.
275
00:09:54,081 --> 00:09:55,347
What?
276
00:09:55,349 --> 00:09:59,618
So... uh, you're gonna
keep your job?
277
00:10:00,903 --> 00:10:03,338
Robin, this discussion
is closed.
278
00:10:03,340 --> 00:10:05,757
The universe told us to do it,
so we're doing it.
279
00:10:05,759 --> 00:10:08,877
Well, the universe
gets it wrong sometimes.
280
00:10:08,879 --> 00:10:11,129
Remember when Marshall
was trying to decide between
281
00:10:11,131 --> 00:10:13,715
becoming an environmental lawyer
and working at a bank?
282
00:10:13,717 --> 00:10:15,450
That's a funny story.
283
00:10:15,452 --> 00:10:17,886
Marshall was fed up
with his job at GNB and was
284
00:10:17,888 --> 00:10:19,221
thinking about
leaving it all behind,
285
00:10:19,223 --> 00:10:21,256
so he and Lily agreed
he should wait for a sign
286
00:10:21,258 --> 00:10:23,108
from the universe
to tell him what to do.
287
00:10:23,110 --> 00:10:24,810
Then one day...
288
00:10:34,037 --> 00:10:35,153
Of course.
289
00:10:35,155 --> 00:10:36,321
It's so clear.
290
00:10:36,323 --> 00:10:38,040
It's been right there all along.
291
00:10:38,042 --> 00:10:39,774
I have to call Lily.
292
00:10:39,776 --> 00:10:41,910
Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.
293
00:10:41,912 --> 00:10:44,963
I'm sorry, but, um, can
I please borrow your...
294
00:10:45,748 --> 00:10:47,749
- Ernie Hudson?
- Yes.
295
00:10:47,751 --> 00:10:49,885
Can I borrow your phone?
296
00:10:49,887 --> 00:10:52,120
Who you gonna call?
297
00:10:53,956 --> 00:10:56,308
And did Marshall
become a Ghostbuster?
298
00:10:56,310 --> 00:10:58,377
That firehouse
is still for sale.
299
00:10:58,379 --> 00:11:01,296
Even Ernie Hudson begged you
not to go through with that.
300
00:11:01,298 --> 00:11:02,597
Ernie Hudson is a coward!
301
00:11:02,599 --> 00:11:04,266
(gasps) Oh!
(gasps)
302
00:11:04,268 --> 00:11:05,500
Of course I'm gonna
keep my job.
303
00:11:05,502 --> 00:11:06,668
Why wouldn't
I keep my job?
304
00:11:06,670 --> 00:11:10,739
Well, I mean,
this whole architecture thing...
305
00:11:10,741 --> 00:11:12,357
isn't it more of a hobby?
306
00:11:12,359 --> 00:11:13,825
Excuse me?
307
00:11:13,827 --> 00:11:15,444
And now we're fighting.
You know what?
308
00:11:15,446 --> 00:11:17,095
Forget I said anything.
309
00:11:17,097 --> 00:11:19,531
No! No, no, no.
We're having this discussion.
310
00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:20,815
Architecture
is my life's work.
311
00:11:20,817 --> 00:11:22,751
Why don't you quit your job?
I don't even know
312
00:11:22,753 --> 00:11:24,503
what it is
you do for a living.
313
00:11:24,505 --> 00:11:26,922
"What it is I do for a living?"
314
00:11:26,924 --> 00:11:32,044
I work, Ted, 14 hours a day
so that our baby can have food
315
00:11:32,046 --> 00:11:34,296
and clothes and a nice house,
316
00:11:34,298 --> 00:11:36,164
while you sit around
doodling pictures of buildings.
317
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:37,683
That's "what it is I do."
318
00:11:37,685 --> 00:11:40,302
You know what? Screw this.
I'm gonna go to the bar.
319
00:11:40,304 --> 00:11:42,104
Yeah, right, right,
'cause the answer's always
320
00:11:42,106 --> 00:11:43,972
at the bottom of a bottle!
321
00:11:43,974 --> 00:11:46,775
Wait, wait, wait!
Hold it!
322
00:11:46,777 --> 00:11:49,728
Brainstorm.
Brainstorm.
323
00:11:49,730 --> 00:11:52,464
Nobody quits their job.
324
00:11:52,466 --> 00:11:53,565
We get a nanny.
325
00:11:53,567 --> 00:11:54,566
Dibs on the nanny.
326
00:11:54,568 --> 00:11:55,951
No. No banging the nanny.
327
00:11:55,953 --> 00:11:57,986
Ted, please don not dig in
on this whole
328
00:11:57,988 --> 00:11:59,037
no-banging-the-nanny policy.
329
00:11:59,039 --> 00:12:00,622
Okay, fine.
We'll get two nannies.
330
00:12:00,624 --> 00:12:03,041
One for banging,
one for childcare.
331
00:12:03,043 --> 00:12:05,026
Slash banging.
Dibs on both nannies!
332
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:07,162
Just think of it, Ted,
you and me,
333
00:12:07,164 --> 00:12:09,464
living together,
with our kid,
334
00:12:09,466 --> 00:12:11,937
my two hot nannies,
our pet cobra...
335
00:12:11,938 --> 00:12:12,548
What?
336
00:12:12,553 --> 00:12:14,886
A kid needs a pet cobra, Ted.
Don't be a pill about this.
337
00:12:14,888 --> 00:12:17,222
And we'll have amazing
weeklong parties,
338
00:12:17,224 --> 00:12:20,092
and there'll be swords
and ninja stars lying around.
339
00:12:20,094 --> 00:12:21,426
NARRATOR:
That's when I realized:
340
00:12:21,428 --> 00:12:24,479
adopting a baby with a friend?
Crazy.
341
00:12:24,481 --> 00:12:28,383
Adopting a baby with Barney?
Freaking nuts.
342
00:12:28,385 --> 00:12:30,602
I can't adopt a baby with you,
Barney.
343
00:12:30,604 --> 00:12:31,653
Why not?
344
00:12:31,655 --> 00:12:33,271
Because we don't even
have one yet
345
00:12:33,273 --> 00:12:34,740
and you're already
a terrible father.
346
00:12:34,742 --> 00:12:36,858
Oh, I get it.
347
00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:38,777
You want one of the nannies.
348
00:12:38,779 --> 00:12:40,728
Well, you can't have 'em!
They're mine!
349
00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:43,615
So you're just gonna have
to get yourself a third nanny.
350
00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:46,451
Except dibs on
the third nanny! Good day!
351
00:12:47,870 --> 00:12:49,504
NARRATOR: Which brings us
to Thanksgiving.
352
00:12:49,506 --> 00:12:51,790
Marshall, Lily and Robin
were heading out
353
00:12:51,792 --> 00:12:53,759
to Long Island early
to get ready.
354
00:12:59,682 --> 00:13:01,466
(grunting)
355
00:13:01,468 --> 00:13:03,101
Okay, how is this
even possible?!
356
00:13:03,103 --> 00:13:06,021
'Cause how did we even get it
in here?!
357
00:13:06,856 --> 00:13:08,723
(grunts)
358
00:13:08,725 --> 00:13:11,092
Okay, I change my mind.
I want an epidural.
359
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,361
You guys are crazy.
360
00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:15,730
This place is enormous.
361
00:13:15,732 --> 00:13:17,282
I mean, look arou...
362
00:13:17,284 --> 00:13:19,985
Have you never heard
of overhead lighting?!
363
00:13:23,656 --> 00:13:25,407
(sighs)
You're right.
364
00:13:25,409 --> 00:13:26,992
I get it.
365
00:13:26,994 --> 00:13:30,078
This place is great.
366
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,631
Um, excuse me.
Where is the restroom?
367
00:13:32,633 --> 00:13:35,250
Oh. Right there.
Oh, good, great.
368
00:13:35,252 --> 00:13:36,802
I'm just gonna go
in there and...
369
00:13:36,804 --> 00:13:40,055
not come out until you promise
never to move away!
370
00:13:41,974 --> 00:13:44,309
It's a good thing
we have three bathrooms.
371
00:13:45,845 --> 00:13:47,262
Hey, Barney.
372
00:13:47,264 --> 00:13:48,963
Uh, listen, sorry
about the other day
373
00:13:48,965 --> 00:13:50,899
when I said you'd be
a terrible father.
374
00:13:50,901 --> 00:13:53,185
You had no reason
to think otherwise.
375
00:13:53,187 --> 00:13:54,686
Totally understandable.
I'm not mad.
376
00:13:54,688 --> 00:13:55,821
(knocking)
Thanks.
377
00:13:55,823 --> 00:13:56,955
And, uh, let's be honest,
378
00:13:56,957 --> 00:13:58,406
we were both acting
a little crazy.
379
00:13:58,408 --> 00:14:00,442
I don't think either of us
is truly ready
380
00:14:00,444 --> 00:14:01,976
for the responsibility of...
381
00:14:01,978 --> 00:14:04,529
Daddy's home.
382
00:14:09,039 --> 00:14:12,254
Uh, Barney, uh, where
did you get this baby?
383
00:14:12,706 --> 00:14:13,727
Please.
384
00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:14,977
Did you adopt it?
385
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,028
Please.
386
00:14:16,030 --> 00:14:18,330
Do you have
a baby guy?
387
00:14:18,332 --> 00:14:21,617
Did Guy the guy guy
get you a baby guy?
388
00:14:21,619 --> 00:14:23,351
Ted, we should get going.
389
00:14:23,353 --> 00:14:25,704
No, no, no. I'm not going
anywhere with you.
390
00:14:25,706 --> 00:14:27,189
For all I know, I could be
391
00:14:27,191 --> 00:14:28,457
aiding and abetting
a kidnapping.
392
00:14:28,459 --> 00:14:30,242
Shh. Bro-daddy's not mad.
393
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:34,880
He's just being a wittle loud.
He wuvs you! Yes, he does!
394
00:14:34,882 --> 00:14:37,032
- This is insane!
- You'll feel better outside.
395
00:14:37,034 --> 00:14:38,917
- Come on.
- No, I can't.
396
00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:40,502
Yeah. Na-na-na.
397
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:43,839
NARRATOR:
But then we went outside.
398
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,090
Oh, my goodness.
399
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,092
- What a beautiful baby.
- Thank you.
400
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:49,377
By the way, my friend and I,
we're not a couple.
401
00:14:49,379 --> 00:14:51,346
We are two straight guys
who are single
402
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,515
and we have a baby.
Just so you know.
403
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,818
Look at this sweet girl.
404
00:14:55,820 --> 00:14:57,820
Hi. I was just telling
this first girl,
405
00:14:57,822 --> 00:14:59,655
my friend and I,
both straight,
406
00:14:59,657 --> 00:15:01,740
both available,
and we have a baby.
407
00:15:01,742 --> 00:15:03,242
Oh, who is this little angel?
408
00:15:03,244 --> 00:15:04,526
Okay, real quick:
me and him,
409
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:06,111
not gay, single,
have a baby.
410
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,763
We should look
into having a sign made.
411
00:15:07,765 --> 00:15:09,982
Kids, again, we were going
through a difficult time.
412
00:15:09,984 --> 00:15:11,300
But this part was kind of fun.
413
00:15:11,302 --> 00:15:15,871
WOMEN: Aw...!
So cute!
414
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,706
This is awesome.
415
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,075
Right?
416
00:15:20,077 --> 00:15:22,094
Robin, come out
and talk to us.
417
00:15:22,096 --> 00:15:23,629
I'm not coming out
of this bathroom
418
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,248
until everyone stops
acting crazy!
419
00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:28,267
No one is being crazy.
420
00:15:28,269 --> 00:15:30,285
Again, for the purposes
of this story...
421
00:15:31,354 --> 00:15:34,973
Ted and I have
a baby. Crazy!
422
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,558
What the hell is that?
423
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,862
Guys, this is Hurricane
Stinson-Mosby.
424
00:15:39,864 --> 00:15:41,029
Mosby-Stinson.
425
00:15:41,031 --> 00:15:43,365
You named your
baby Hurricane?
426
00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:45,367
That is...
427
00:15:45,369 --> 00:15:47,820
ultimately inconsiderate
to the child
428
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,705
who has to live
with that name.
429
00:15:49,707 --> 00:15:52,458
Okay, how the hell
does Barney have a baby?
430
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:53,775
No idea. Super confused.
431
00:15:53,777 --> 00:15:56,111
I'm finding it best
to just sort of go with it.
432
00:15:56,113 --> 00:15:58,380
She's super cute,
though, right?
433
00:15:58,948 --> 00:16:00,632
Wait a minute.
(sniffs)
434
00:16:00,634 --> 00:16:04,786
Oh, guh! Hurricane
dookied in her drawers.
435
00:16:04,788 --> 00:16:08,173
Ha-ha!
Poopy pants!
436
00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:09,791
She needs
a new diaper.
437
00:16:09,793 --> 00:16:11,727
Right. Where do you
keep your diapers?
438
00:16:11,729 --> 00:16:13,011
We don't have any.
439
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,429
You don't... Wow.
440
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:18,317
Okay. (scoffs) I guess
I'll go buy some.
441
00:16:18,319 --> 00:16:20,853
You're gonna be a mom and
you don't have any diapers?
442
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:23,856
Lord, watch over
that child.
443
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,591
Uh, okay.
444
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:28,143
Come here, you.
445
00:16:28,145 --> 00:16:31,997
So, there was talk
of a cheese plate?
446
00:16:33,633 --> 00:16:36,084
(knocking)
(gasps)
447
00:16:40,423 --> 00:16:41,623
Hey.
448
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:44,042
Cheese?
449
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:45,594
Thanks.
450
00:16:48,515 --> 00:16:50,799
If you don't mind
me asking...
451
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,018
what-what is
this all about?
452
00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:56,638
I mean, you are one of the most
strong, independent,
453
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,840
non-locking-themselves-in-
454
00:16:58,842 --> 00:17:00,859
a-bathroom-on-Thanksgiving
people I know.
455
00:17:01,778 --> 00:17:04,513
Why-why are you so upset
about us moving?
456
00:17:04,515 --> 00:17:07,983
Maybe I just need you guys
more than you think.
457
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:12,437
Is this about more
than us moving?
458
00:17:12,439 --> 00:17:14,706
This is good cheese.
459
00:17:16,042 --> 00:17:17,776
Robin?
460
00:17:17,778 --> 00:17:19,578
Yeah?
461
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:22,214
Do you think I should've become
a Ghostbuster?
462
00:17:22,216 --> 00:17:24,299
I think you made
the right call, buddy.
463
00:17:25,552 --> 00:17:29,054
Okay, Ted, I'm not gonna ask you
where Barney got this baby.
464
00:17:29,056 --> 00:17:31,373
But do you have any idea why?
465
00:17:31,375 --> 00:17:33,725
Well, a few nights ago,
we were talking...
466
00:17:33,727 --> 00:17:36,929
you know, "We hate girls,
we wish we were gay,"
467
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,713
just guy stuff.
468
00:17:38,715 --> 00:17:41,683
And we kind of
sort of decided to...
469
00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:43,235
adopt a baby.
470
00:17:43,237 --> 00:17:45,020
Yeah, that's crazy.
471
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,238
I know.
472
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,239
Is it, though?
473
00:17:47,241 --> 00:17:48,273
Yes.
474
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,274
I know.
475
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:50,742
But is it, though?
476
00:17:50,744 --> 00:17:51,743
Yes.
477
00:17:51,745 --> 00:17:53,078
Well, so what if it's crazy?
478
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,230
I've been ready to meet someone
to start a family with
479
00:17:55,232 --> 00:17:57,449
for a long time now,
and I keep not meeting her.
480
00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:00,085
Barney is one of my best friends
in the world, we rarely fight,
481
00:18:00,087 --> 00:18:02,254
and once we iron out
the whole pet cobra thing,
482
00:18:02,256 --> 00:18:04,006
we will be amazing dads.
483
00:18:04,008 --> 00:18:05,507
Why shouldn't we try this?
484
00:18:05,509 --> 00:18:07,742
When's the last time
you fed her?
485
00:18:07,744 --> 00:18:09,628
She had some root beer
on the train.
486
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,964
Oh, Ted.
And I'm sorry,
487
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,581
but you cannot call
a baby Hurricane.
488
00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,217
Actually, her name is Sadie.
489
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,436
James, what are you doing here?
490
00:18:17,438 --> 00:18:18,971
Did Barney
not tell you
491
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,606
that we were coming
for Thanksgiving?
492
00:18:20,608 --> 00:18:21,923
Uh, no.
493
00:18:21,925 --> 00:18:24,592
Then he probably also
did not tell you
494
00:18:24,594 --> 00:18:26,478
that he was babysitting
our new daughter.
495
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,447
This is your daughter?
496
00:18:28,449 --> 00:18:30,232
Oh, thank God.
497
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,034
And congratulations.
498
00:18:32,036 --> 00:18:33,768
Thanks. Come here.
499
00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:35,787
Aw...
Aw...
500
00:18:35,789 --> 00:18:38,457
I guess this is good-bye,
Hurri... Sadie.
501
00:18:38,459 --> 00:18:41,994
(whispers): Your name is Hurricane.
Don't ever forget it.
502
00:18:43,279 --> 00:18:44,963
Go with him. Go on.
503
00:18:44,965 --> 00:18:46,164
Come here.
That a girl.
504
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,300
Hey, Ted,
505
00:18:48,302 --> 00:18:50,385
I overheard
your little speech.
506
00:18:50,387 --> 00:18:51,637
It's not crazy.
507
00:18:52,388 --> 00:18:54,006
About ten years ago,
508
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:56,975
my best friend and I
nearly did the same thing.
509
00:18:56,977 --> 00:19:00,262
She was single, I was single,
we both wanted a family.
510
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,347
It made sense.
511
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:03,899
But now?
512
00:19:03,901 --> 00:19:07,352
Every day, we thank our lucky
stars that we didn't do it.
513
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:09,971
'Cause what she found
with her husband
514
00:19:09,973 --> 00:19:11,857
and what I found
with mine--
515
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,159
it was worth the wait.
516
00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:17,245
Hurricane's
a cool name.
517
00:19:17,247 --> 00:19:20,082
Isn't it, Tom?
518
00:19:20,084 --> 00:19:21,767
The pet store
was closer,
519
00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:23,502
so I just got her
some wee-wee pads.
520
00:19:23,504 --> 00:19:25,003
Oh, I also got this.
521
00:19:25,005 --> 00:19:27,089
It's beef-flavored
and it's good for her teeth.
522
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,092
James! Tom! Hey!
523
00:19:30,094 --> 00:19:31,493
Lily...
524
00:19:31,495 --> 00:19:32,994
did you get
the e-mail
525
00:19:32,996 --> 00:19:35,514
that I sent you
about inviting
526
00:19:35,516 --> 00:19:37,966
James and Tom
to Thanksgiving?
527
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:41,002
I sent it to your CompuServe.
That's your main one, right?
528
00:19:41,688 --> 00:19:42,688
Happy Thanksgiving, bro.
529
00:19:42,690 --> 00:19:44,672
- Thanks. Hi.
- Hey!
530
00:19:45,558 --> 00:19:47,526
Let's go sit down.
531
00:19:47,528 --> 00:19:49,027
Hi.
532
00:19:50,029 --> 00:19:52,114
All right,
you got me.
533
00:19:52,116 --> 00:19:53,532
James is my baby guy.
534
00:19:53,534 --> 00:19:56,902
But these past three hours--
magical, right?
535
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,454
We can do this!
Say we can do this.
536
00:19:59,456 --> 00:20:01,156
We can't do this.
537
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,524
Sorry, dude.
538
00:20:02,526 --> 00:20:05,127
We got to wait
for the real thing...
539
00:20:05,129 --> 00:20:07,529
no matter how tough it gets.
540
00:20:10,215 --> 00:20:12,282
It gets pretty tough.
541
00:20:12,284 --> 00:20:14,135
I know it does, buddy.
542
00:20:16,287 --> 00:20:18,005
I have some time
before dinner, right?
543
00:20:18,007 --> 00:20:20,224
I'm going to go...
I'm gonna take a little walk.
544
00:20:20,226 --> 00:20:22,059
All right. All right.
545
00:20:23,278 --> 00:20:24,679
(knocking)
546
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:26,630
God.
547
00:20:29,017 --> 00:20:30,351
(sighs)
548
00:20:32,454 --> 00:20:34,572
- Hi.
- Hey.
549
00:20:36,775 --> 00:20:38,492
(grunts)
550
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:43,948
Are we still friends?
551
00:20:43,950 --> 00:20:45,916
Hope so.
552
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,730
Good.
553
00:20:48,732 --> 00:20:50,499
'Cause get this.
554
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:52,584
Ted almost adopted a baby.
555
00:20:53,061 --> 00:20:55,080
Crazy, right?
(scoffs)
556
00:20:55,081 --> 00:20:56,464
Poor guy's going
through some stuff.
557
00:20:56,466 --> 00:20:58,949
He actually tried
to rope me into it.
558
00:20:58,951 --> 00:21:01,336
Can you imagine me
being someone's dad?
559
00:21:02,877 --> 00:21:04,176
I'm pregnant.
560
00:21:04,178 --> 00:21:08,178
== sync, corrected by elderman ==