1
00:00:05,851 --> 00:00:11,005
Hello. I'm here about the drugs amnesty.
It's all in there.

2
00:00:11,091 --> 00:00:13,082
I'd just like to say that,
as far as I'm concerned,

3
00:00:13,171 --> 00:00:14,650
I think the whole drugs experience

4
00:00:14,731 --> 00:00:17,006
is a very worthwhile experiment
in personal development,

5
00:00:17,091 --> 00:00:19,241
and I'm sure one day the law will be changed.

6
00:00:19,331 --> 00:00:22,164
But for the moment,
I'm coming clean.

7
00:00:22,251 --> 00:00:24,446
What drugs amnesty?

8
00:00:26,291 --> 00:00:28,964
I thought it was today.
Isn't there a drugs amnesty

9
00:00:29,051 --> 00:00:32,009
where you bring in all your stuff
and it's forgotten about?

10
00:00:32,091 --> 00:00:35,163
Well, nobody told me anything about it.

11
00:00:35,251 --> 00:00:36,445
Oh.

12
00:00:36,531 --> 00:00:38,761
I'll just see if any of my colleagues
know something.

13
00:00:38,851 --> 00:00:41,490
Anyone in there know anything
about a drugs amnesty?

14
00:00:41,571 --> 00:00:43,243
―(man) No, not me.
―(man #2) No.

15
00:00:43,331 --> 00:00:45,322
No. Well...

16
00:00:54,171 --> 00:00:55,889
♪ The bird, he must fly

17
00:00:55,971 --> 00:00:58,201
♪ And the fish, he must swim

18
00:00:58,291 --> 00:00:59,565
♪ The horse, he must trot

19
00:00:59,651 --> 00:01:02,165
♪ And the girl, she must slim

20
00:01:02,251 --> 00:01:05,323
♪ Let's all join together
Hoof in hoof, hand in hand

21
00:01:05,411 --> 00:01:09,609
♪ Fin in fin, wing in wing
It's a very good plan

22
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,961
♪ Let's build a love state

23
00:01:14,051 --> 00:01:15,166
♪ Yeah

24
00:01:15,251 --> 00:01:16,889
Here in Notting Hill Gate!

25
00:01:16,971 --> 00:01:18,484
(people shouting)

26
00:01:18,571 --> 00:01:23,008
So what do you believe in?
Do you believe in Communism?

27
00:01:23,091 --> 00:01:28,290
―Oh, you're really boring.
―Yeah, you see, this is what it's all about.

28
00:01:28,371 --> 00:01:30,601
I may be boring,
but that doesn't answer my question.

29
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:35,128
You're boring!
You're middle-aged and you've got short hair.

30
00:01:35,811 --> 00:01:40,646
I'm afraid you'll all have to sit down
or I'll be forced to abandon the show.

31
00:01:40,731 --> 00:01:42,289
Sit down!

32
00:01:44,691 --> 00:01:47,330
―Clearly, you believe in not taking baths...
―Brilliant.

33
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:50,244
Those cats really showed old Kemp
to be the idiot that he is.

34
00:01:50,331 --> 00:01:52,606
Did you see the way
that he had to back down there?

35
00:01:52,691 --> 00:01:55,000
Actually, I thought it was the others
who backed down.

36
00:01:55,091 --> 00:01:57,286
I didn't see any cats on there.

37
00:01:57,371 --> 00:01:59,327
I thought Kemp
was rather professional, actually.

38
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,049
I always think he handles these things well.

39
00:02:01,131 --> 00:02:04,760
Alex, in six months' time
we're gonna have to shoot people like him.

40
00:02:04,851 --> 00:02:06,728
Oh, in six months?

41
00:02:06,811 --> 00:02:08,688
Approximately.

44
00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,721
―Are you talking about golf, Alex?
―Yeah.

45
00:02:18,811 --> 00:02:23,123
Do you have any idea
how Establishment golf is? Gimme that!

46
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:25,884
(crunch)

47
00:02:33,091 --> 00:02:37,369
Could somebody please call an ambulance?
I've really, really hurt my leg.

48
00:02:40,851 --> 00:02:45,845
You know, my time in hospital really did
give me a lot of time to think, you know?

49
00:02:45,931 --> 00:02:50,368
I think we should launch some kind of protest.
I think it will really impress Jerry Gurvitz.

50
00:02:50,451 --> 00:02:53,170
Jerry Gurvitz? The editor
of the Alternative Los Angeles Times?

51
00:02:53,251 --> 00:02:56,084
―Yep, he's in London this week.
―Isn't he the biggest freak in the world?

52
00:02:56,171 --> 00:02:57,923
Yes, he is.

53
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:02,084
How do they know that?
Did they hold some sort of competition?

54
00:03:02,171 --> 00:03:07,165
Yes, they did.
And he won by several lengths.

55
00:03:07,251 --> 00:03:09,321
He's so great, isn't he?
And he's coming here!

56
00:03:09,411 --> 00:03:13,882
I've asked him to stay at this flat
and he's readily agreed. (laughs)

57
00:03:13,971 --> 00:03:15,040
It's fantastic, isn't it?

58
00:03:15,131 --> 00:03:18,806
I mean, Jerry Gurvitz, the biggest freak
in the world, is gonna be staying here.

59
00:03:18,891 --> 00:03:21,769
I mean, it's just...
I can't... Ah!

60
00:03:24,691 --> 00:03:28,081
I actually fainted from excitement then.

61
00:03:28,171 --> 00:03:31,004
Maybe we should organise
some sort of protest to do while he's here.

62
00:03:31,091 --> 00:03:32,843
Maybe you can research that, Alex.

63
00:03:32,931 --> 00:03:36,924
Look up a few events we could disrupt, you
know? Perhaps get our picture in the paper.

64
00:03:37,011 --> 00:03:41,129
Nice picture of me surrounded by lots
of followers, all hanging onto my every word,

65
00:03:41,211 --> 00:03:44,647
and a big headline
saying how important I am.

66
00:03:46,931 --> 00:03:50,640
You realise you said all that out loud?

67
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,801
Did I? Sorry. Sorry.

68
00:03:52,891 --> 00:03:54,847
Hector Dodd disrupted something
last week, actually.

69
00:03:54,931 --> 00:03:57,491
He saw a couple of people
playing snakes and ladders

70
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,563
and yelled out some choice obscenities.
―What did he yell out?

71
00:04:00,651 --> 00:04:03,609
I can't quite remember.
Something about Vietnam.

72
00:04:03,691 --> 00:04:07,764
It had very little to do with snakes
and ladders, but very bad language.

73
00:04:07,851 --> 00:04:12,925
Well, he probably shouted out something like,
"Release the frigging snakes!" Or, "You..."

74
00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:18,768
Something that would be quite disruptive
at a snakes and ladders tournament.

75
00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:21,923
Something... You know,
just something that would be...

76
00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:25,560
That would... they'd hate that anyway.
(door bell)

77
00:04:25,651 --> 00:04:27,926
Oh, that will be Gurvitz.

78
00:04:31,851 --> 00:04:34,604
I'm the biggest freak in the world!

79
00:04:39,211 --> 00:04:44,808
We chased those cops right off the campus.
I had tear gas in my eyes for days.

80
00:04:44,891 --> 00:04:47,086
Yeah, I looked like this.

81
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:53,001
Just like I'd taken a big bag of drugs.
What a freak.

82
00:04:53,091 --> 00:04:55,924
Yeah, man, I know.
You know, it's the same here.

83
00:04:56,011 --> 00:04:58,002
Real sense of revolution in the air, you know?

84
00:04:58,091 --> 00:05:02,448
I mean, last week I emptied
a whole bag of crisps over a traffic warden.

85
00:05:02,531 --> 00:05:05,125
She really was quite badly soiled.

86
00:05:05,211 --> 00:05:07,486
―You're Roy, right?
―Ray.

87
00:05:07,571 --> 00:05:10,847
―Yeah, whatever. Give me that box.
―OK.

88
00:05:15,211 --> 00:05:18,647
I got hand grenades,
I got rocket launchers.

89
00:05:18,731 --> 00:05:21,245
And I've got mortars.

90
00:05:21,331 --> 00:05:27,406
Well, yeah, I mean, we've got weapons too.
I mean, we really are quite militant.

91
00:05:29,771 --> 00:05:31,363
―You got any cash on you?
―Some, yeah.

92
00:05:31,811 --> 00:05:34,723
Gimme a pound.
No, no. Give me seven pounds.

93
00:05:34,811 --> 00:05:36,483
―You want seven pounds?
―Yeah.

94
00:05:36,571 --> 00:05:39,483
―Not five or ten? Cos...
―No. Seven.

95
00:05:51,971 --> 00:05:55,805
That is how little
money means to me.

96
00:05:59,611 --> 00:06:01,408
―That was my money.
―So?

97
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:08,129
Ray probably wouldn't understand. He's never
actually really been on a real protest.

98
00:06:08,211 --> 00:06:12,807
Yes, I have. I actually did a big protest
at the Miss World contest last year.

99
00:06:12,891 --> 00:06:14,722
And it was pretty good.

100
00:06:14,811 --> 00:06:19,965
If you remember, you weren't actually there.
You sprained your ankle and you couldn't go.

101
00:06:20,051 --> 00:06:22,804
Yeah, but I still impressed people,
didn't I?

102
00:06:22,891 --> 00:06:27,169
(Michael Aspel) Number three, Miss Austria.

103
00:06:27,651 --> 00:06:31,166
How's your ankle, love?
Here, have some more grapes.

104
00:06:31,251 --> 00:06:35,529
No, Mum.
It's just a sprained ankle, OK? Thank you.

105
00:06:36,251 --> 00:06:39,049
She's got a nice pair of knockers.

106
00:06:40,571 --> 00:06:43,927
Wouldn't mind getting my hands on them.

107
00:06:44,011 --> 00:06:47,799
A very well-built girl,
isn't she, love?

108
00:06:47,891 --> 00:06:52,806
Bet you'd like to give those jugs
a nice big squeeze, wouldn't you?

109
00:06:52,891 --> 00:06:55,086
You bet I would.

110
00:06:55,171 --> 00:06:58,925
What about you, Ray? Would you like
to give those jugs a big squeeze?

111
00:06:59,011 --> 00:07:01,923
Mum, I am surprised
at this sexist talk, you know.

112
00:07:02,011 --> 00:07:05,367
Especially from you.
You're a type of woman.

113
00:07:07,371 --> 00:07:10,966
I'm only saying I bet you fancy
having a go at that girl's jugs.

114
00:07:11,051 --> 00:07:13,884
Course he would.
He's the same as the rest of us.

115
00:07:13,971 --> 00:07:17,008
They're not "jugs" anyway,
or "knockers".

116
00:07:17,091 --> 00:07:19,286
They're breasts.

117
00:07:20,171 --> 00:07:22,924
What was it you used to call mine, love?

118
00:07:23,011 --> 00:07:24,922
Baloobas.

119
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:27,400
Baloobas, that's right.

120
00:07:29,011 --> 00:07:32,640
It was that African tribe
we saw on the telly, wasn't it?

121
00:07:32,731 --> 00:07:37,566
Do you remember all the girls used to go
around with their things all swinging about?

122
00:07:37,651 --> 00:07:40,688
Why they didn't wear bras,
I'll never know.

123
00:07:40,771 --> 00:07:44,684
Mum, it's very natural
for women not to wear bras in Africa, OK?

124
00:07:44,771 --> 00:07:48,161
In fact, it's very unnatural
for women to wear bras at all.

125
00:07:48,251 --> 00:07:50,640
That's just what your dad says.

126
00:07:51,531 --> 00:07:56,161
You two are so alike, you know.
It's uncanny sometimes.

127
00:08:02,651 --> 00:08:04,926
―Um...
―Yep, come in, Hugo.

128
00:08:05,011 --> 00:08:07,650
―Well, I don't need to...
―Hugo, come in!

129
00:08:10,411 --> 00:08:11,890
Where's Gurvitz?

130
00:08:11,971 --> 00:08:14,280
Well, he's gone out for a meeting
with John Lennon.

131
00:08:14,371 --> 00:08:16,646
Yeah, about the whole future
of the protest movement.

132
00:08:16,731 --> 00:08:20,326
It's probably the most important meeting
that anyone's had with anyone ever

133
00:08:20,411 --> 00:08:22,720
in the history of the world ever.

134
00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:26,369
Brought that article in about protesting.
I think it's quite good.

135
00:08:26,451 --> 00:08:28,487
Don't exaggerate, Hugo.

136
00:08:29,691 --> 00:08:33,525
Rather than go on about how great
protesting is, I thought I'd try a new angle.

137
00:08:33,611 --> 00:08:37,399
So I've written that protesting
is a complete waste of time.

138
00:08:37,491 --> 00:08:39,527
But my argument's so weak and unconvincing

139
00:08:39,611 --> 00:08:42,284
that you end up just reading it
and thinking, "This guy's an idiot."

140
00:08:42,371 --> 00:08:47,570
So it actually ends up being an article
for protesting, which is quite clever.

141
00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:53,567
Right, well, yes, it's great.
But, you know, the deadline was last week.

142
00:08:53,651 --> 00:08:56,802
―Well, could you put it in the next issue?
―Yes. Yes, I will.

143
00:08:56,891 --> 00:08:59,451
I'll put it in the next issue bin now.
Where's that? Um...

144
00:08:59,531 --> 00:09:01,522
Ah, there it is.

145
00:09:03,411 --> 00:09:06,403
―Thanks, Ray.
―Oh, how was the doctor's, by the way?

146
00:09:06,491 --> 00:09:08,482
Have you got long to live? (laughs)

147
00:09:08,571 --> 00:09:11,608
No, no, I just had a touch of flu, Ray.
I'm not gonna die.

148
00:09:11,691 --> 00:09:13,682
Why did you think I was gonna die?

149
00:09:13,771 --> 00:09:19,607
I don't think you're going to die, Hugo.
It was just a little joke, you know.

150
00:09:19,691 --> 00:09:23,206
I've been thinking a lot
about death these days.

151
00:09:23,291 --> 00:09:27,079
Yeah, me too. You know, I sometimes wonder,
if I had an incurable disease

152
00:09:27,171 --> 00:09:30,129
and I only had three months to live,
what would I do?

153
00:09:30,211 --> 00:09:34,602
What would you do
if you only had three months to live?

154
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:38,085
I'd look for a cure.

155
00:09:41,411 --> 00:09:43,879
No, no, no, no, no, no.

156
00:09:43,971 --> 00:09:49,887
It's an incurable disease, OK?
You are definitely gonna die, all right?

157
00:09:49,971 --> 00:09:52,565
No, I'm sure there'd be a cure
if I just looked...

158
00:09:52,651 --> 00:09:55,085
No. No, Hugo.

159
00:09:55,171 --> 00:09:58,527
There's no cure, OK?
Absolutely no chance.

160
00:09:58,611 --> 00:10:01,205
―I'd still look for one.
―No, Hugo, you don't get it.

161
00:10:01,291 --> 00:10:04,840
―You're not gonna find one, OK?
―Well, I mean, I'd look...

162
00:10:04,931 --> 00:10:08,241
Hugo, for the love of God,
you will never find one!

163
00:10:08,331 --> 00:10:10,208
(choked-up) Ray, I have to try.

164
00:10:13,011 --> 00:10:15,241
Ah, my next patient.

165
00:10:15,331 --> 00:10:18,721
Hugo, I have to speak privately with Ray.

166
00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:28,601
―Ray, there's something I've been... Hugo!
―He's still there.

167
00:10:28,691 --> 00:10:31,683
There's something
I've been meaning to tell you for a while.

168
00:10:31,771 --> 00:10:36,720
It's quite a serious situation,
so you'd better sit down.

169
00:10:36,811 --> 00:10:38,881
I am sitting down.

170
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,041
Sit down even further.

171
00:10:47,971 --> 00:10:50,804
Ray, I'm pregnant.

172
00:10:50,891 --> 00:10:52,961
Wha... Um...

173
00:10:53,051 --> 00:10:55,963
OK, well, w-we can deal with this.

174
00:10:56,051 --> 00:10:58,645
―You'll support me, won't you?
―Of course I will, Jill.

175
00:10:58,731 --> 00:11:01,325
Can I just say one thing?

176
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:05,689
―We haven't had sex for a year and a half.
―I could still be pregnant.

177
00:11:05,771 --> 00:11:08,239
―Have you slept with somebody else?
―No.

178
00:11:08,331 --> 00:11:10,799
But I could still be pregnant.

179
00:11:10,891 --> 00:11:12,927
Right.

180
00:11:13,011 --> 00:11:16,128
That would mean it was a virgin birth.

181
00:11:16,211 --> 00:11:18,884
―Could be.
―OK, again, that would mean

182
00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:24,125
you're bringing our Lord and saviour
Jesus Christ back into the world.

183
00:11:24,211 --> 00:11:26,964
OK, I'm not really pregnant.
I actually came in here to tell you

184
00:11:27,051 --> 00:11:30,088
that I can't get pregnant
cos I'm on the pill.

185
00:11:30,171 --> 00:11:32,969
But I bet that if I did get pregnant,
you'd just abandon me.

186
00:11:33,051 --> 00:11:36,646
―You're such a selfish goon!
―Hey, Jill!

187
00:11:36,731 --> 00:11:39,199
I'm not a selfish goon, OK?

188
00:11:39,291 --> 00:11:42,920
I really, you know,
support women and all that stuff.

189
00:11:43,011 --> 00:11:48,927
And now that you're on the pill as well,
maybe we can, you know, get to work.

190
00:11:52,811 --> 00:11:55,530
I'm not on the pill
so that I can have sex with you, Ray.

191
00:11:55,611 --> 00:11:57,966
That would be the most incredibly facile
reason for being on it.

192
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:01,088
I am on the pill because it liberates women.

193
00:12:01,171 --> 00:12:03,241
―Cynthia says it's good.
―Oh, her?

194
00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:07,085
Well, she'll never be on the pill
cos she's just a fat, ugly lesbian bitch

195
00:12:07,171 --> 00:12:10,607
who everybody hates, apart from a bunch of
naïve girls in Chelsea who work in publishing.

196
00:12:10,691 --> 00:12:12,682
―What did you say?
―Nothing.

197
00:12:13,411 --> 00:12:14,890
―Oh, Ray.
―Alex, hi, yeah.

198
00:12:14,971 --> 00:12:18,805
―Did you find somewhere we can protest at?
―Uh, no.

199
00:12:18,891 --> 00:12:21,724
You said you were gonna have
a word with Jim Sharples?

200
00:12:21,811 --> 00:12:22,607
No.

201
00:12:22,691 --> 00:12:25,444
Tina Weatherall said she knew something.
You were gonna talk to her.

202
00:12:25,531 --> 00:12:26,043
No.

203
00:12:26,131 --> 00:12:29,885
Bunny Long said something about a protest
going down. You were gonna have a word.

204
00:12:29,971 --> 00:12:32,121
No. No.

205
00:12:32,211 --> 00:12:34,850
Right, well done anyway.

206
00:12:34,931 --> 00:12:38,924
This is really crucial, you know? I mean,
Gurvitz has got mortars and rockets and stuff.

207
00:12:39,011 --> 00:12:42,162
What I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go down to
the shops, I'm gonna get all the papers, OK,

208
00:12:42,251 --> 00:12:44,970
try and find some event
we can make a scene at, you know?

209
00:12:45,051 --> 00:12:49,681
And I'm not talking
about a snakes and ladders tournament.

210
00:12:50,691 --> 00:12:53,808
The World of Sandpaper exhibition?

211
00:12:53,891 --> 00:12:56,849
Yeah, well, I've looked through all the papers
and there's nothing else on.

212
00:12:56,931 --> 00:13:00,128
But it is an international event,
so there will be photographers.

213
00:13:00,211 --> 00:13:04,966
―So, how do we feel about sandpaper?
―They say it's the Styrofoam of the 1970s.

214
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:11,081
One of the few things I know about sandpaper
is that it actually smoothes out rough edges.

215
00:13:11,171 --> 00:13:13,162
Are we for or against that?

216
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:16,402
Um... I just...
I don't know, you know.

217
00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:20,689
I wish sandpaper
could be as straightforward as Vietnam.

218
00:13:20,771 --> 00:13:23,365
I think we should probably be against it.

219
00:13:23,451 --> 00:13:28,241
Otherwise, we'll just be sort of standing there
going, "Oh, look, isn't this sandpaper great?"

220
00:13:28,331 --> 00:13:30,481
Yeah, I suppose so.

221
00:13:30,571 --> 00:13:35,167
Hi, Jerry. We found a great thing to protest at,
and... How was John Lennon?

222
00:13:35,251 --> 00:13:38,800
―Are you OK?
―Well, the freak is a little freaked out.

223
00:13:38,891 --> 00:13:41,689
John's come up with this whole new idea.

224
00:13:41,771 --> 00:13:45,127
And he's called it a bed-in.

225
00:13:45,211 --> 00:13:50,763
Now, instead of organising politically,
or pointing out society's ills by violent protest,

226
00:13:50,851 --> 00:13:55,720
now we're gonna change things
by going to bed with a chick.

227
00:13:55,811 --> 00:13:59,850
Well, that's a brilliant idea.
Why didn't someone think of that before?

228
00:13:59,931 --> 00:14:05,210
I've always thought, actually, that after Ringo,
John was the cleverest Beatle.

229
00:14:05,291 --> 00:14:09,967
So now, I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life protesting in bed.

230
00:14:10,051 --> 00:14:11,200
―Hey, Fay!
―Yes?

231
00:14:11,291 --> 00:14:13,122
What's this protest
you were gonna go on?

232
00:14:13,211 --> 00:14:15,645
Well...

233
00:14:15,731 --> 00:14:18,325
You've heard of sandpaper?

234
00:14:23,251 --> 00:14:25,640
So I am raring to go.

235
00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,722
I've got my sign.

236
00:14:30,251 --> 00:14:33,129
I think you've got that a bit wrong, Hugo.

237
00:14:33,211 --> 00:14:37,045
―War and Peace is a film.
―It's a book, Ray.

238
00:14:37,131 --> 00:14:43,889
Yeah, well, it may be a book, Alex,
but I think the film's a little bit more famous.

239
00:14:43,971 --> 00:14:45,290
I'm actually really nervous,

240
00:14:45,371 --> 00:14:49,649
but I just have to not think
about what could happen, you know.

241
00:14:49,731 --> 00:14:54,521
That it all could just go really horribly wrong
and turn into a big riot and people just...

242
00:14:54,611 --> 00:14:58,206
I could get hit on the head with a rock
and just be killed there, dead.

243
00:14:58,291 --> 00:15:00,407
I could die.

244
00:15:01,771 --> 00:15:03,602
I can't go, Ray.
I can't do it.

245
00:15:03,691 --> 00:15:06,251
Hugo, you've got to get over
this fear of death, you know?

246
00:15:06,331 --> 00:15:09,368
You've just got to face it,
it's gonna happen to us all one day.

247
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:13,888
That's a bit fatalistic of you, Ray.
No, it's not.

248
00:15:16,691 --> 00:15:19,524
Jill, I forgot to warn you,
going on this demo,

249
00:15:19,611 --> 00:15:23,047
there's probably gonna be
a lot of liberally minded women around,

250
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:26,248
so I may get off with someone.
You're OK with that, aren't you?

251
00:15:26,331 --> 00:15:29,801
You're hardly going to score
at a sandpaper exhibition, Ray.

252
00:15:29,891 --> 00:15:32,530
I just thought I'd warn you, OK?

253
00:15:32,611 --> 00:15:36,399
I'm really looking forward to this protest.
Aren't you, Alex?

254
00:15:36,491 --> 00:15:40,848
What? Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm tremendously excited about it.

255
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:44,526
You never get excited about anything, Alex.
You're too laid back, you are.

256
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:49,401
You wouldn't be excited if a bomb went off.
(explosion)

257
00:15:53,771 --> 00:15:56,410
Sorry, did you say something, Ray?

258
00:15:57,491 --> 00:16:01,484
Shit, man! I was trying to defuse
one of my bombs—it went off.

259
00:16:01,571 --> 00:16:03,482
―Where's your tub?
―Through there.

260
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,562
(spits)

261
00:16:06,731 --> 00:16:10,326
I really, really quite like Gurvitz, you know.
He's got lovely eyes,

262
00:16:10,411 --> 00:16:13,642
a really nice sense of humour
and he's very sensitive.

263
00:16:13,731 --> 00:16:16,768
―Whose books are those in the bathroom?
―Ah, they're mine.

264
00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:20,890
Yeah, well, you'd better move 'em
or I'll piss all over 'em when I go to the john.

265
00:16:20,971 --> 00:16:24,566
I am the biggest freak in the world!

266
00:16:28,171 --> 00:16:30,162
What a freak!

267
00:16:33,371 --> 00:16:37,967
Sorry, I really must just say,
I do like your hair.

268
00:16:39,251 --> 00:16:45,167
I was wondering how you managed to get it
like that? My hair sort of refused to do that.

269
00:16:45,251 --> 00:16:49,529
Don't even attempt
to get your hair like mine!

270
00:16:49,611 --> 00:16:52,000
My hair is a one-off, OK?

271
00:16:52,931 --> 00:16:56,128
The freak's hair is a one-off, huh?!

272
00:16:56,211 --> 00:16:57,849
Huh?!

273
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,802
Argh!

274
00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:13,046
(laughs)

275
00:17:13,131 --> 00:17:15,645
He is so cute.

276
00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:22,282
(Gurvitz humming)

277
00:17:23,491 --> 00:17:25,959
(yowls and hums)

278
00:17:31,811 --> 00:17:33,722
(urinates)

279
00:17:36,731 --> 00:17:38,722
(urinates on books)

280
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,162
(toilet flushes)

281
00:17:55,371 --> 00:17:57,362
(whirring)

282
00:17:58,251 --> 00:18:00,242
What is he doing?

283
00:18:10,331 --> 00:18:12,640
(mouths)

284
00:18:15,811 --> 00:18:17,802
That was beautiful.

285
00:18:17,891 --> 00:18:19,882
You're just a big teddy bear.

286
00:18:19,971 --> 00:18:21,882
Bear wants a hug.

287
00:18:25,731 --> 00:18:27,722
Right, we're off on this protest then.

288
00:18:27,811 --> 00:18:30,405
It's very likely we're going
to get arrested and held under tight security,

289
00:18:30,491 --> 00:18:33,085
so we might have to arrange some bail, Alex.

290
00:18:33,171 --> 00:18:36,402
I might have to get in contact
with Lester Youngman about legal aid.

291
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:39,210
And, um... Is there anything else?

292
00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:42,886
Do you think these socks
are too bright?

293
00:18:42,971 --> 00:18:44,120
Um...

294
00:18:44,211 --> 00:18:46,645
―Jerry? Jerry?
―What?

295
00:18:46,731 --> 00:18:48,847
Are you coming on the protest?
Cos I think it will be quite good.

296
00:18:48,931 --> 00:18:52,446
Nah, no way, man.
I'm going on a bed-in instead.

297
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,999
Right. Is this just you?

298
00:18:55,091 --> 00:18:57,446
No, no.
No, I'm doing it with Jill.

299
00:19:14,411 --> 00:19:16,208
(clears throat) Uh, Jill.

300
00:19:16,291 --> 00:19:21,365
Would you mind joining me in the bedroom,
please? I've been waiting an hour.

301
00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:24,329
Remember? I made
that beckoning gesture with my head.

302
00:19:24,411 --> 00:19:27,084
I don't like being gestured to
like some kind of dog, Ray.

303
00:19:27,171 --> 00:19:29,162
Oh, well, I'm sorry.

304
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:33,290
Just... Could you just please join me,
please, for a minute? Jill!

305
00:19:33,371 --> 00:19:35,362
All right!

306
00:19:47,611 --> 00:19:50,569
Now, you will be careful
with Gurvitz, won't you?

307
00:19:50,651 --> 00:19:54,485
Often when a man and a woman
go to bed together, there's a sexual element.

308
00:19:54,571 --> 00:19:56,801
―Last time we went to bed together...
―All right! Yes.

309
00:19:56,891 --> 00:20:00,645
The last time we went to bed together,
there wasn't a sexual element, OK.

310
00:20:00,731 --> 00:20:04,485
There was a mousetrap element.
Yeah, it's not funny, Jill, OK?

311
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:09,520
Most of my blood supply
was concentrated in that area.

312
00:20:09,611 --> 00:20:12,000
I'm just... I'm...
Look... Just...

313
00:20:12,091 --> 00:20:16,289
Gurvitz is, you know...
I mean, don't have sex with him, OK?

314
00:20:16,371 --> 00:20:19,283
Just promise me this one thing.
Can you do that?

315
00:20:19,371 --> 00:20:22,920
Just a tiny little thing. Just do it for me.
I don't think it would be right for you.

316
00:20:23,011 --> 00:20:26,720
Please, Jill.
Will you promise me that?

317
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,922
Thank you, Jill.

318
00:20:34,011 --> 00:20:36,206
That's good enough for me.

319
00:20:50,691 --> 00:20:53,649
You're saying that is the longest
piece of sandpaper in the world?

320
00:20:53,731 --> 00:20:57,929
Yes. It's very unusual
to see sandpaper laid out flat like that,

321
00:20:58,011 --> 00:21:00,445
especially this type of extra-rough sandpaper.

322
00:21:00,531 --> 00:21:03,762
It's a very exciting time for sandpaper.

323
00:21:03,851 --> 00:21:06,923
―Yes.
―(speaks foreign language)

324
00:21:07,011 --> 00:21:12,449
Sheikh Hahmoud's very agitated. He's unused
to seeing extra-rough sandpaper laid out flat.

325
00:21:12,531 --> 00:21:15,443
In his country it's very rarely seen,
except in large rolls.

326
00:21:15,531 --> 00:21:18,523
Tell the sheikh that in the future
it will be very much more common

327
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,045
to see sandpaper
laid out in strip form.

328
00:21:21,131 --> 00:21:23,599
That is very much
the future for sandpaper.

329
00:21:23,691 --> 00:21:25,682
―World peace now!
―Shh.

330
00:21:26,571 --> 00:21:29,643
Don't shush me, Alex.
It's supposed to be a protest.

331
00:21:29,731 --> 00:21:32,643
I'm sorry.
I find it rather embarrassing.

332
00:21:34,691 --> 00:21:40,527
♪ What the world needs now

333
00:21:40,611 --> 00:21:44,160
♪ Is love, sweet love

334
00:21:44,251 --> 00:21:46,401
♪ It's the only thing

335
00:21:46,491 --> 00:21:50,245
♪ That there's just too little of

336
00:21:50,331 --> 00:21:53,323
♪ What the world needs now

337
00:21:53,411 --> 00:21:56,369
♪ Is love, sweet love

338
00:21:56,451 --> 00:21:58,919
♪ No, not just for some

339
00:21:59,011 --> 00:22:01,809
♪ But for everyone

340
00:22:03,491 --> 00:22:05,925
♪ Lord, we don't need

341
00:22:06,011 --> 00:22:08,161
♪ Another mountain

342
00:22:08,251 --> 00:22:12,244
♪ There are mountains and hillsides

343
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,640
♪ Enough to climb

344
00:22:14,731 --> 00:22:18,201
♪ There are oceans and rivers

345
00:22:18,291 --> 00:22:21,920
♪ Enough to cross,
enough to last

346
00:22:22,011 --> 00:22:25,686
♪ Till the end of time

347
00:22:30,211 --> 00:22:35,968
You know, I never thought I'd say this,
but I think you've actually tamed the freak.

348
00:22:36,731 --> 00:22:39,450
―Cup of tea?
―Yes, please.

349
00:22:43,531 --> 00:22:45,522
(whistles tune)

350
00:23:05,811 --> 00:23:07,529
Nobody seems to be taking a lot of notice.

351
00:23:07,611 --> 00:23:11,923
I'm going to go and stand
on that big strip of sandpaper over there.

352
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:24,727
Look at that bloody hippy there, standing
in the middle of that strip of sandpaper.

353
00:23:25,931 --> 00:23:30,721
―Oi, you! Leave that sandpaper area!
―I'm making a protest.

354
00:23:30,811 --> 00:23:34,599
I don't care about your protest,
you stupid hippy! Get off that sandpaper!

355
00:23:34,691 --> 00:23:37,763
Not until there's world peace.

356
00:23:37,851 --> 00:23:39,250
(quietly) Very good.

357
00:23:39,331 --> 00:23:41,401
Oh. I suppose you want world peace as well,
do you?

358
00:23:41,491 --> 00:23:46,611
Yeah, obviously that would be great. Although
I should really be at home washing my hair.

359
00:23:46,691 --> 00:23:49,046
I should think everybody here
would like world peace, too,

360
00:23:49,131 --> 00:23:52,726
but all these people want to do
is sell some sandpaper.

361
00:23:52,811 --> 00:23:53,880
(shouts of agreement)

362
00:23:53,971 --> 00:23:56,439
Right, you leave me no choice.

363
00:23:58,691 --> 00:24:00,682
(cheering)

364
00:24:07,091 --> 00:24:09,559
Come back here, you stupid hippy!

365
00:24:26,051 --> 00:24:30,283
Alex, why did you have to go and leave
that big bag of drugs lying around?

366
00:24:30,371 --> 00:24:35,525
It was obvious Gurvitz was gonna scoff the lot.
Freaks just love taking big bags of drugs.

367
00:24:35,611 --> 00:24:37,761
I'll give Peter Mountstewart a ring.
He'll know what to do.

368
00:24:37,851 --> 00:24:39,170
He's seen this kind of thing before.

369
00:24:39,251 --> 00:24:41,287
Careful, Ray. He did get
the date of the drugs amnesty wrong.

370
00:24:41,371 --> 00:24:46,491
Yeah, well, he'll know what to do, OK?
I'm gonna ring him. (sighs)

371
00:24:46,571 --> 00:24:48,562
What a freak.

372
00:24:50,931 --> 00:24:55,209
Peter, great, you're here.
He's just through here.

373
00:24:57,451 --> 00:24:59,601
OK.

374
00:24:59,691 --> 00:25:02,410
Right, I know what the problem is.

375
00:25:02,491 --> 00:25:05,289
He's taken a big bag of drugs.

376
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:08,446
―Right. What grade were they?
―Sorry, um...

377
00:25:08,531 --> 00:25:13,559
A 50% toxic rate is pretty high.
I reckon he's at about 70 to 75.

378
00:25:13,651 --> 00:25:16,211
Could be a build-up of ulnic fluid
in the secondary cortex.

379
00:25:16,291 --> 00:25:18,043
I've seen that happen before.

380
00:25:18,131 --> 00:25:23,763
Mesomotic seizure occurs at an intensity
of... well, sometimes several Williams.

381
00:25:23,851 --> 00:25:25,887
Hm...

382
00:25:25,971 --> 00:25:29,361
Thrombotic valve damage.
Haven't seen that for a few years.

383
00:25:29,451 --> 00:25:34,206
OK, can anybody tell me
when five seconds is up, please?

384
00:25:34,291 --> 00:25:36,088
―Now?
―OK, fine.

385
00:25:39,251 --> 00:25:41,321
―Um...
―Don't interrupt, Alex.

386
00:25:41,411 --> 00:25:44,960
It's very important
that we keep absolutely silent.

387
00:25:45,051 --> 00:25:47,281
(bird tweets)

388
00:25:47,371 --> 00:25:51,808
OK, could somebody pop out
and keep that bird quiet, please?

389
00:25:53,731 --> 00:25:57,849
Ray, have you still got that sledgehammer?
The one you used at the American Embassy?

390
00:25:57,931 --> 00:26:01,321
―Um, yes.
―Will you fetch it for me, please?

391
00:26:02,931 --> 00:26:04,444
Is he going to be all right?

392
00:26:04,531 --> 00:26:07,204
Yes, yes. I'm pretty confident
I can bring him round.

393
00:26:07,291 --> 00:26:10,647
―Here it is.
―OK, that should do the trick.

394
00:26:10,731 --> 00:26:12,608
Right.

395
00:26:12,971 --> 00:26:15,280
I really, really hope Peter knows
what he's doing here.

396
00:26:15,371 --> 00:26:20,650
Oh, don't you worry, Jill.
Peter knows exactly what he's doing.

397
00:26:24,771 --> 00:26:26,762
Thanks, Alex.

398
00:26:28,171 --> 00:26:31,402
OK, one last thing.
This could be crucial, actually.

399
00:26:31,491 --> 00:26:36,884
―Anyone got any sandpaper?
―Sandpaper?

400
00:26:36,971 --> 00:26:40,247
I just need to blunt down
the edges of the hammer. Otherwise...

401
00:26:40,331 --> 00:26:44,961
Um, no, we don't have any sandpaper.
We're against it.

402
00:26:45,051 --> 00:26:47,884
―You're against sandpaper?
―Yeah.

403
00:26:47,971 --> 00:26:49,882
Shit.

404
00:26:50,811 --> 00:26:54,281
Well, never mind.
Probably won't make any difference. OK.

405
00:26:54,371 --> 00:26:56,248
Here goes.

406
00:27:00,651 --> 00:27:04,326
I think you probably just had
a little bit too much confidence in Peter.

407
00:27:04,411 --> 00:27:07,687
Yeah, well, you know,
I think you're right, actually, Alex.

408
00:27:07,771 --> 00:27:11,366
I really can't see the difference
the sandpaper would have made.

409
00:27:11,451 --> 00:27:15,126
And what was that weird thing he said?
"Otherwise." Otherwise what?

410
00:27:15,211 --> 00:27:18,248
He was still gonna smash his head in
with a massive sledgehammer.

411
00:27:18,331 --> 00:27:22,483
―Such a tragedy. He was really nice.
―How did they get that picture?

412
00:27:22,571 --> 00:27:26,883
(Alex) Apparently the CIA
planted a camera in his beard.

413
00:27:30,211 --> 00:27:34,363
Ah, look. Brilliant.
Here's the report on our protest. Fantastic.

414
00:27:34,451 --> 00:27:37,807
"There's..."
Right, I've gotta go anyway.

415
00:27:37,891 --> 00:27:41,327
I'm going to an anti-apartheid demo
that Hector Dodd organised.

416
00:27:41,411 --> 00:27:44,403
He's so brave. When they did
that South African rugby match,

417
00:27:44,491 --> 00:27:46,243
they actually drop-kicked him
over the main stand.

418
00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:49,880
I know. He's a feisty little bastard.

419
00:27:51,371 --> 00:27:54,363
Jill, nothing happened
between you and Gurvitz, did it?

420
00:27:54,451 --> 00:27:58,808
Jerry and I had the most meaningful
experience I have ever had with a man.

421
00:27:58,891 --> 00:28:00,768
We shared a common ecstasy,

422
00:28:00,851 --> 00:28:03,445
the like of which I've never experienced
before, nor ever will again.

423
00:28:03,531 --> 00:28:10,209
We bonded together like two futuristic
brands of top-of-the-range superglue.

424
00:28:13,571 --> 00:28:16,961
Thanks, Jill.
That's all I wanted to hear.

425
00:28:40,451 --> 00:28:42,282
♪ Love peace, love peace, love love

426
00:28:42,371 --> 00:28:44,123
♪ Peace lo-o-o-o-ove

427
00:28:44,211 --> 00:28:46,008
♪ Peace, love love, peace, love love

428
00:28:46,091 --> 00:28:47,843
♪ Peace love, peace love, peace love

429
00:28:47,931 --> 00:28:49,728
♪ Peace, love, peace peace peace peace

430
00:28:49,811 --> 00:28:51,563
♪ Pe-e-e-e-ace love

431
00:28:51,651 --> 00:28:53,448
♪ Love peace, love peace, love peace

432
00:28:53,531 --> 00:28:55,999
♪ Peace peace peace, love peace, love

433
00:28:57,011 --> 00:29:00,686
♪ And all that we're singing

434
00:29:00,771 --> 00:29:03,888
♪ Is love peace, peace, love love