1
00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:03,439
We got the hen-do,
then her last exam,
2
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,119
then the wedding and the baby.
It's all planned out.
3
00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:08,090
Who's this Sean who's helping you?
4
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:11,019
He's just this decorator fella.
5
00:00:11,020 --> 00:00:12,959
Bobby thinks he's the bee's knees.
6
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,679
Don't I get a coffee?
Sorry?
7
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:19,319
That's what you normally get when
you walk someone home, isn't it?
8
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,049
Alright, Mam?
9
00:00:21,050 --> 00:00:24,219
It's OK. He haven't escaped.
They let him out early.
10
00:00:24,220 --> 00:00:25,710
Come here.
11
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,759
I haven't finished painting it yet,
mind.
12
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,229
No, it's great.
13
00:00:58,230 --> 00:01:01,179
You can have the top bunk,
if you like. That's OK, mate.
14
00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:03,120
What bunk did you have in prison?
15
00:01:03,121 --> 00:01:04,849
Emma.
What?
16
00:01:04,850 --> 00:01:07,299
It's alright, Mam. Top bunk.
17
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:09,990
So I'll go bottom bunk now,
isn't it? Be a nice change.
18
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,120
Right. Well.
19
00:01:16,350 --> 00:01:19,040
I'll see you in the morning.
Yep.
20
00:01:23,690 --> 00:01:27,099
I can bang on a radiator pipe
if you want, with a mug,
21
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:28,829
if that's what you're used to.
22
00:01:28,830 --> 00:01:30,529
No, you're alright.
23
00:01:30,530 --> 00:01:32,500
Just don't wet the bed, OK?
24
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,320
You're staring again.
25
00:01:42,610 --> 00:01:44,479
It's getting weird now.
26
00:01:46,180 --> 00:01:47,909
I've been home two weeks.
27
00:01:47,910 --> 00:01:51,819
I'm just chuffed to have you back.
We all are.
28
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,280
I'm going to bastard kill him.
29
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,969
He's at your dad's.
Not Ben, him!
30
00:01:55,970 --> 00:01:58,179
You've left the bathroom
all minging.
31
00:01:58,180 --> 00:02:01,369
I'm five-months pregnant. It's
a health hazard, his prison germs.
32
00:02:01,370 --> 00:02:03,799
Hush your dramatics.
I'll go and do it now.
33
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,999
We've got to be at Tanisha's
at 10:00am.
34
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,469
Why?
Bugger.
35
00:02:07,470 --> 00:02:09,200
My God. You forgot, didn't you?
36
00:02:09,201 --> 00:02:12,869
Bombay frica-thingy. They're doing
the wedding. Bombay fricassee.
37
00:02:12,870 --> 00:02:16,039
What's the matter
with sausage rolls? Racist.
38
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,989
What's racist about
liking sausage rolls?
39
00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:20,449
Emma, go without me.
40
00:02:20,450 --> 00:02:22,639
I'm going job hunting with Luke.
Are you?
41
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,349
You've done something with him
every other day.
44
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,840
Seriously.
I know where the Jobcentre is, mun.
45
00:02:36,841 --> 00:02:39,529
I don't want anyone
being horrible to you, that's all.
46
00:02:39,530 --> 00:02:42,960
I promise I'll come home
and tell on them if they are.
47
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:51,509
Luke! How goes it, my friend?
You know.
48
00:02:51,510 --> 00:02:53,959
Any luck on the job front?
Nah, nothing.
49
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,639
I'll take one of these, alright?
Please.
50
00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,610
It's on the house.
51
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,540
It's a free paper, Jag.
52
00:03:03,030 --> 00:03:05,719
Sandy, you must start anew.
53
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,899
Don't you know what you must do?
54
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:09,629
Hold your head high.
55
00:03:09,630 --> 00:03:11,840
Take a deep breath and...
Thanks.
56
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:18,439
Mm. I never tasted bread
like this before. It's gorge, innit?
57
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,109
Not as gorgeous as that chef.
He's edible, I'm telling you.
58
00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:24,289
Now, try this.
59
00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:26,499
Ta, Tan. I'm rabid.
60
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:28,950
It's chicken vindaloo,
but with a twist.
61
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:32,379
God, that's hot.
62
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:35,069
Stella, I hope you don't mind,
but I promised Emma
63
00:03:35,070 --> 00:03:37,518
I would give her some lessons
in home-making.
64
00:03:37,519 --> 00:03:38,978
Hey, Jas, pass us that water.
65
00:03:38,979 --> 00:03:41,428
Just in case things don't work out
with her exams.
66
00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:43,640
I know you're keen for her
to have a career.
67
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:46,559
Yeah, I am.
We got a deal, haven't we, Ems? Yes.
68
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,489
Will she have time to work though,
once she's had the baby?
69
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:52,439
Plenty of mothers have jobs, mun.
What, like ironing?
70
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,149
Oi.
71
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,359
It's a cultural thing with your lot,
innit?
72
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:57,818
I bet your mother stayed at home.
73
00:03:57,819 --> 00:04:00,270
Her mother was an exotic dancer
in Blackpool.
74
00:04:00,271 --> 00:04:02,719
No way!
Spine like elastic.
75
00:04:04,420 --> 00:04:07,849
All I'm saying is, maybe Emma
will make a natural home-maker.
76
00:04:07,850 --> 00:04:08,840
Who knows?
77
00:04:08,841 --> 00:04:11,759
Now, see if you prefer this.
78
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,719
It's lamb. Lamb phall.
79
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,899
See if you can taste
the chilli kick.
80
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:19,350
That's better.
81
00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:32,068
Stell! Thank God I seen you.
Alright, Stell?
82
00:04:32,069 --> 00:04:33,530
I need a favour.
What you got?
83
00:04:33,531 --> 00:04:35,739
My God. Breath.
You been on the curry?
84
00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:38,929
What? Yeah. I've been trying
some dishes for the wedding, like.
85
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:41,859
What it is, you know Mirna
of Tongs and Tweezers? Yeah.
86
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:45,049
Hairdresser. She do do your mam.
I said yeah, Karl.
87
00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:47,000
She started doing dogs at the back.
88
00:04:47,001 --> 00:04:49,949
There's gotten so much call for it,
she's decided go mobile.
89
00:04:49,950 --> 00:04:51,649
She's set me up in a franchise!
90
00:04:51,650 --> 00:04:54,339
Only charged her £60 for
the tools and what-have-you.
91
00:04:54,340 --> 00:04:56,790
Honestly, Stell,
dog-grooming is the future.
92
00:04:56,791 --> 00:04:59,959
When times are hard, there's one
thing people need. A clean dog.
93
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:05,119
Right. Well, I haven't got one,
have I? To practice on, like.
94
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,799
I got offered hamsters,
but I was afraid of drowning them.
95
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,729
I said she could lend Banjo
off of you.
96
00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:13,920
Cos he is technically half-mine,
like.
97
00:05:15,630 --> 00:05:17,330
Which half, Karl?
98
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,470
So can I pop over tomorrow then,
or what?
99
00:05:25,980 --> 00:05:27,679
Here we are, Big Rae.
100
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:31,039
37 pairs of shorts.
101
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,479
And not a crease on one of them.
102
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,169
Someone's been on the garlic.
103
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:38,619
Want an extra-strong, Stell?
104
00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:40,590
Thanks.
105
00:05:46,710 --> 00:05:48,410
Sorry.
106
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,620
Showing off.
107
00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:11,398
Alright?
What you doing, Al?
108
00:06:11,399 --> 00:06:12,868
We're not by the crossing.
109
00:06:12,869 --> 00:06:14,840
Heard about Sunday? Down Nash House.
110
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:18,029
No.
Celebrity Fun Day. In aid of cancer.
111
00:06:18,030 --> 00:06:20,210
Which cancer? Which celebrities?
All sorts.
112
00:06:20,211 --> 00:06:23,639
Zeta Jones. Shirley Bassey.
Debbie McGee.
113
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,569
Serious?
Debbie McGee? My God.
114
00:06:26,570 --> 00:06:29,519
A mate of mine can get me
some VIP passes.
115
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,969
Free drinks. Meet the stars.
116
00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:35,139
Sorry, Al. We're sick of them two.
We're already behind.
117
00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:36,840
Got three burnings today and all.
118
00:06:36,841 --> 00:06:40,519
Yeah, well, if you fancy it,
it's £2.35 each.
119
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,240
Camel Coaches will do me a deal.
120
00:06:42,241 --> 00:06:44,929
Go on then. Put us down for four.
121
00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:46,159
Right.
122
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:49,079
I'll put "to be paid" by your name,
shall I?
123
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,290
You have to settle them
before the day, mind.
124
00:06:51,291 --> 00:06:53,000
He likes it upfront!
125
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:05,240
Looking for a change of career,
are you, butt?
126
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:09,649
Keckers.
127
00:07:09,650 --> 00:07:12,079
I see they let you out, then.
128
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,789
How are you keeping?
Got time for a bo?
129
00:07:14,790 --> 00:07:16,729
Plenty of time. No cash.
130
00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:18,939
Looks like it's my shout, then.
131
00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:21,389
Hey, Vanda, give us two pints.
132
00:07:21,390 --> 00:07:23,599
I dreamt about you last night,
sweetheart.
133
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,000
Let's just say
you wasn't disappointed.
134
00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,200
You got bog roll on your trainer.
135
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,169
How have you been?
Mental busy.
136
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,379
Good to have Luke back?
Yeah.
137
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:48,529
Look at them waistbands, Sean.
No-one does a waistband like Stell.
138
00:07:48,530 --> 00:07:50,500
There you go. You can die happy now.
139
00:07:50,501 --> 00:07:52,709
Sarcastic as well as violent, is it?
140
00:07:52,710 --> 00:07:55,399
Get off. This one's a pussycat.
141
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,840
If you want to see a real killer
in action, Stell,
142
00:07:57,841 --> 00:08:00,049
I'll get Kim Wang Chong up for you.
143
00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:02,499
Nah, you're alright, Big Rae.
I got to get on.
144
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:03,799
Yeah, me too.
145
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,669
Do you want a lift?
146
00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:08,359
No, I've got the trike.
I've got the van.
147
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,319
Alright then. Ta.
148
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,009
You been smoking or summat?
No. Why?
149
00:08:13,010 --> 00:08:14,720
The rate you went
through them mints.
150
00:08:14,721 --> 00:08:17,160
She's been on the jalfrezi, Sean.
151
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,039
Benefits is the tip of the iceberg,
see?
152
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,490
They just buys my beer
and keeps Liliona in Baby Gap.
153
00:08:25,491 --> 00:08:27,699
How old is she?
I'm not exactly sure.
154
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:31,349
I was off my tits when she was born.
Nice.
155
00:08:31,350 --> 00:08:35,279
What it is, I've got a little
tax-free gig on the side, like.
156
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:39,679
Doing a bit of transportation
for some Colombian friends of mine.
157
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,869
Colombian? Well,
they're from Tregaron, they are.
158
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:46,279
But the stuff's as good as anything
from another country. Right.
159
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,469
I'll cut you in, if you like.
£20 a pop.
160
00:08:49,470 --> 00:08:51,920
Drop off, pick up,
Bob's your uncle, cash in the bank.
161
00:08:51,921 --> 00:08:54,119
I just got back from the big house.
162
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,569
Alright. Alright. Keep your cock on.
163
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,280
You'll upset the kid.
164
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,949
I'm off.
Have a think about what I said.
165
00:09:01,950 --> 00:09:03,168
Nah, you're alright.
166
00:09:03,169 --> 00:09:05,120
Best offer someone like you's
going to get.
167
00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:11,479
Well, thanks for the lift.
No worries.
168
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,189
Listen, Stell,
this celebrity Fun Day,
169
00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:17,119
I thought you and the kids
might like to come along.
170
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,059
Lovely.
Yeah?
171
00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:20,869
I've got VIP tickets, you know.
172
00:09:20,870 --> 00:09:23,719
Free drinks, meet the stars.
173
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:28,369
Aye, aye! The hairy biker returns.
Only not on a bike, he's in a van.
174
00:09:28,370 --> 00:09:30,579
Alright, mate? Settling in?
175
00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:32,999
Yeah. Settling in lovely.
176
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,489
How did it go?
177
00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:36,200
Absolutely shit.
178
00:09:39,390 --> 00:09:41,569
He's looking for a job.
It's so hard for him.
179
00:09:41,570 --> 00:09:43,039
Yeah.
180
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,469
I'd better...
I'll drop those tickets off for you.
181
00:09:46,470 --> 00:09:48,200
Yeah. Yeah, if you like.
182
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:51,120
Thanks.
183
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,080
Jagadee! Your lunch.
184
00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:11,759
So, rule number one,
185
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:15,429
make your husband a nice big lunch
box to see him through the day.
186
00:10:15,430 --> 00:10:18,599
He won't come looking for food
in the middle of Diagnosis Murder.
187
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,559
Sweet.
Not sweet.
188
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,770
I ain't slaving
over a microwave for no man.
189
00:10:22,771 --> 00:10:25,699
That is why Jasminder is going
to end up single and alone.
190
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,670
I ain't a lezzer.
Jasminder.
191
00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:31,319
Hiya. Just going to the library.
192
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,540
What are you doing here?
193
00:10:32,541 --> 00:10:35,729
Your mam's learning me
about housework and that, isn't she?
194
00:10:35,730 --> 00:10:36,960
Right.
195
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,839
After having beautified
your car-nine... Canine.
196
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:47,709
Canine, I can formally offer you
one of our cleaning facilitations.
197
00:10:47,710 --> 00:10:51,379
These include the Big Bark, which is
just a basic wash and blow-dry...
198
00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:53,829
You expecting a letter?
No.
199
00:10:53,830 --> 00:10:56,779
Or we have the Ruff Stuff,
which includes...
200
00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:59,709
You haven't started
on that pen-pal nonsense again,
201
00:10:59,710 --> 00:11:01,919
with Elka in Gdnask?
No.
202
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,118
Or we have the Ruff Stuff,
which includes...
203
00:11:04,119 --> 00:11:06,548
You are better off sticking
to girls your own age.
204
00:11:06,549 --> 00:11:08,040
Can I carry on then, or what?
205
00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:10,219
Yeah, alright.
How long are you going to be?
206
00:11:10,220 --> 00:11:13,889
I want to go to the Bap Factory, see
if they got driving jobs for my boy.
207
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,839
Mam. Will you tell Luke
to stop stealing my underarm?
208
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,529
Don't wake him, love. He's tired.
209
00:11:19,530 --> 00:11:22,699
One of our most popular packages
is called The Dog's Dinner,
210
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,389
which includes a colour rinse
of your choice.
211
00:11:25,390 --> 00:11:28,820
You're not dyeing Banjo.
Come on, Stell. No way.
212
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,560
You've been sleeping for 14 hours.
213
00:11:40,561 --> 00:11:44,729
You're probably depressed,
because you're unemployed.
214
00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:47,419
And you've got a criminal record.
215
00:11:47,420 --> 00:11:49,359
Cheers, professor.
216
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,559
Do you think if you'd known your dad
when you were younger
217
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,520
you'd have turned out
a bit different?
218
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,119
Mam, I'm off rugby training.
219
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,809
OK! See you lunchtime.
220
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,260
Luke?
What?
221
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,069
I'm escaping from Nadine, I am.
She's doing my head in.
222
00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:19,459
You alright?
Yeah. Stop asking me all the time.
223
00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:20,679
Sorry.
224
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:25,339
So, Emma's off learning to be a
Stepford wife and Ben's doing rugby.
225
00:12:25,340 --> 00:12:27,039
Got any plans for today, love?
226
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,488
Yeah. Round of golf
and a game of tennis.
227
00:12:29,489 --> 00:12:31,938
What do you think, Mam?
The same as yesterday
228
00:12:31,939 --> 00:12:34,150
and the day before
and the day before that.
229
00:12:34,151 --> 00:12:36,840
- Stell!
- For God's sake.
230
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:43,199
Now, I rather like it. It's fun.
231
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,629
I tell you what, Luke, you
want to think about grooming dogs.
232
00:12:46,630 --> 00:12:49,079
No, I don't.
You could do a lot worse.
233
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:52,510
Nice little income. Do you want me
to have a word with Mirna, like?
234
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,399
Here you go.
235
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,350
We deserve this.
236
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:04,719
Now, Emma.
237
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,440
I have a confession to make.
What?
238
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,589
I like bleach.
239
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:14,519
There, I've said it.
I know it's bad for the environment,
240
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,709
but once you've done a U-bend
with it, you never go back.
241
00:13:17,710 --> 00:13:19,409
What's a U-bend?
242
00:13:19,410 --> 00:13:21,380
So much to learn.
243
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,290
Wait, I have a little surprise
for you!
244
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,429
What are you wearing?
Cute, isn't it?
245
00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:33,119
It's exactly the same
as your Mam's one.
246
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,799
Em, I don't like you
being like this.
247
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,509
It's weird.
248
00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:41,179
Being like what?
All this cleaning stuff with my mum.
249
00:13:41,180 --> 00:13:44,609
But I'm enjoying it.
Man, are you joking me?
250
00:13:44,610 --> 00:13:46,819
A housewife? You?
251
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:48,760
What's wrong with being a housewife?
252
00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:52,439
You are going to be a doctor
and they make loads of money.
253
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,160
Maybe I don't want to marry someone
254
00:13:54,161 --> 00:13:57,089
who just stays at home all day
and doesn't do nothing.
255
00:13:57,090 --> 00:13:58,320
It's freaky.
256
00:13:58,321 --> 00:14:00,999
Now, this is my own invention.
257
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,969
I call it the Tanisha Toolbelt.
258
00:14:02,970 --> 00:14:06,139
With this little beauty,
no matter where I'm in the house,
259
00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:08,830
I'm always packing
multi-purpose power gel.
260
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,740
I've got to go. Sorry.
261
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:14,470
Emma?
262
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,339
Luke, you twat!
263
00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:34,770
Keckers, you even bigger twat.
Alright, alright. Keep your cock on.
264
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,439
What are you doing here?
That's nice.
265
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,609
Just wondering if you'd thought
about my little prosposition.
266
00:14:41,610 --> 00:14:44,319
Proposition.
Exactly.
267
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,748
I've got loads of these
little puppies lined up.
268
00:14:46,749 --> 00:14:48,480
All you've got to do is drop off,
269
00:14:48,481 --> 00:14:51,639
get the cash and keep £20 back
for yourself. Easy.
270
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,129
Until I get caught.
271
00:14:53,130 --> 00:14:55,320
Look, butt, I'm trying
to do you a favour here.
272
00:14:59,970 --> 00:15:01,679
Great.
273
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,140
Alright, Luke?
274
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,849
Alright.
Your mum not in?
275
00:15:05,850 --> 00:15:07,079
No.
276
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,259
Give her these, will you, mate?
277
00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:11,469
It's for this Fun Day thing
tomorrow.
278
00:15:11,470 --> 00:15:12,930
You can come, if you like.
279
00:15:12,931 --> 00:15:15,140
Nah, you're alright.
280
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:20,759
You've got bog roll on your trainer.
What?
281
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,240
See you, mate.
282
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,838
Your old girl shagging Scouser Sean,
is she?
283
00:15:28,839 --> 00:15:31,290
What did you say?
Alright, keep your cock on.
284
00:15:31,291 --> 00:15:33,980
He's not even a Scouser.
285
00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:38,640
Right, where to am I dropping
this stuff off?
286
00:15:38,641 --> 00:15:41,799
Borneo Terrace this is. Number Six.
You can't miss it.
287
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,270
They got gnomes.
288
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,509
Hot Dogs grooming service!
289
00:15:55,510 --> 00:15:58,699
10% off your first groom.
Haircuts for dogs, it is.
290
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:01,389
And you get 10p off your first one,
like.
291
00:16:01,390 --> 00:16:03,840
I could do a lovely makeover
on this, couldn't I?
292
00:16:03,841 --> 00:16:06,759
What? Yeah.
Knock ten years off of it.
293
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,469
She's only cocking nine.
294
00:16:08,470 --> 00:16:11,900
Well, take a leaflet
and have a think, isn't it?
295
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:16,049
Alright, Mo, love?
296
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:17,779
What can I do you for, Stell?
297
00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:19,989
Tin loaf and six doughnuts, please.
298
00:16:19,990 --> 00:16:22,759
Jam, toffee, custard or apple?
299
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,379
Give me a mix.
300
00:16:24,380 --> 00:16:25,840
I don't suppose you've got
301
00:16:25,841 --> 00:16:28,289
any delivery jobs going out the back,
have you?
302
00:16:28,290 --> 00:16:30,019
£3.65.
303
00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:31,720
I thought you was on the ironing.
304
00:16:31,721 --> 00:16:33,509
Slowing up, is it?
305
00:16:33,510 --> 00:16:35,879
No. It's for my boy, Luke.
306
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:38,080
He's a hard worker. Learns fast.
307
00:16:40,770 --> 00:16:44,439
No disrespect, Stell. You knows
I take people as they comes.
308
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,639
But once a slammer dog,
always a slammer dog.
309
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,799
You taking the mick? A couple of
stupid pranks, that's all it was.
310
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,768
Joyriding in stolen cars, more like.
311
00:16:52,769 --> 00:16:55,220
He's not like that no more,
for your information.
312
00:16:55,221 --> 00:16:56,919
So you think.
313
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,629
You what?
Look, doll.
314
00:16:58,630 --> 00:17:02,299
My Karen knows Tone who's dating
Vanda up the Lamb and Flag.
315
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:06,449
She said she saw your Luke
drinking with that Keckers.
316
00:17:06,450 --> 00:17:08,899
Keckers the Crack?
You're off your head.
317
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:11,609
My Luke don't hang around
with scum like that.
318
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:13,319
That's not what I heard, Stell.
319
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,520
If your Luke's
keeping that kind of company,
320
00:17:15,521 --> 00:17:19,200
he'll be back behind bars before
you can say Britain's got talent.
321
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,999
Forgot your doughnuts!
322
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,450
I'll have them if they're
going cocking begging.
323
00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:37,369
Luke!
324
00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:39,000
In the shower!
325
00:18:20,670 --> 00:18:22,080
Keckers?
326
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:25,239
Yeah, it's...
327
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,209
Tableau, it is.
328
00:18:27,210 --> 00:18:29,239
No, with a T.
329
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,119
Yeah.
330
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:33,810
What it is, like, I need some...
331
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,960
Some shit, like.
332
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:04,889
Alright? Tableau?
333
00:19:04,890 --> 00:19:06,599
Alright?
334
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:10,029
You're Luke's old girl, aren't you?
I might be.
335
00:19:10,030 --> 00:19:12,959
He told you I could get
some quality shit, did he?
336
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,639
Well, you don't look the type,
to be honest, darling.
337
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,169
No, I don't want your shit.
338
00:19:18,170 --> 00:19:19,559
Or your drugs.
339
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,749
They're the same thing.
Whatever.
340
00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:24,690
I just want you to leave him alone,
alright?
341
00:19:24,691 --> 00:19:27,879
He don't need idiots like you
messing up his life.
342
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,589
It's hard enough for him as it is.
343
00:19:29,590 --> 00:19:31,320
Out of prison, nothing going for him.
344
00:19:31,321 --> 00:19:33,999
That's why I'm helping.
Putting work his way.
345
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,449
Well, he don't need no help from you,
alright?
346
00:19:36,450 --> 00:19:38,899
Why don't you just take
your stinking drugs
347
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:41,349
and stick them up your own nose?
348
00:19:41,350 --> 00:19:43,049
Or someone else's.
349
00:19:43,050 --> 00:19:45,079
Just leave him alone, anyway.
350
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,949
I'm kecking myself.
351
00:19:47,950 --> 00:19:50,399
Luke's mammy's telling me off.
352
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,099
What will you do if I don't?
353
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:54,069
She won't do anything, mate.
354
00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:55,770
But I will.
355
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:58,960
Disappear.
356
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:09,479
My God.
That was like a Superman film.
357
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,399
Where did you spring from?
I was watching the game.
358
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,609
Stella, love.
359
00:20:14,610 --> 00:20:17,299
Do you want to tell me
what's going on?
360
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:27,179
Hurry up, Ken. If I wait any longer,
my hair'll be dry.
361
00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:30,849
Mirna's squeezing me in as it is.
She's always rammed on a Saturday.
362
00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:32,799
Alright. Give me a chance, mun.
363
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,479
I don't understand why you
can't have the lot done there.
364
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,930
Because then I'll have to pay
for a dry and a wash.
365
00:20:37,931 --> 00:20:41,599
This way, I don't have to pay for a
wash. Everyone does it. Saved me £4.
366
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,050
Ridiculous.
I'll ridiculous you come Christmas,
367
00:20:44,051 --> 00:20:46,979
when I got money saved
for a luxury hamper.
368
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:48,200
Gumpa!
369
00:20:49,190 --> 00:20:50,649
Hello, love.
370
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:53,600
Hey! What's up now?
371
00:20:56,290 --> 00:20:59,699
I wanted to get him to meet me
so I could warn him off, that's all.
372
00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:01,429
You know, face-to-face.
373
00:21:01,430 --> 00:21:04,119
And you think he's
going to take a slap on the wrist?
374
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,819
He's not 12.
375
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:08,029
And what's with the name Tableau?
376
00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:10,239
It was meant to be my druggy name.
377
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:13,159
I was going to go with Tamar
and then Pablo
378
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,609
and it came out as Tableau.
379
00:21:15,610 --> 00:21:19,039
Nasty piece of work, mind, isn't he,
that Keckers.
380
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,489
Dead eyes. Like a dolphin.
381
00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:24,919
- You mean shark?
- I mean dolphin.
382
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,349
Everyone thinks that sharks are
the baddies.
383
00:21:27,350 --> 00:21:30,299
The dolphins are just as vicious,
if not worse. Are they?
384
00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:32,749
We've all been taken in
by the Flipper thing.
385
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:35,200
I wouldn't trust a dolphin
as far as I could throw him.
386
00:21:35,201 --> 00:21:37,139
I'm talking bollocks. I'm worried
387
00:21:37,140 --> 00:21:40,330
and I'm frightened that my son is
turning into a drug dealer.
388
00:21:45,710 --> 00:21:46,769
Go on.
389
00:21:46,770 --> 00:21:49,619
You'll miss the rest of your game.
390
00:21:49,620 --> 00:21:52,070
Kim Wang Chong will be wondering
where you got to.
391
00:21:53,530 --> 00:21:55,500
Did you get those tickets,
by the way?
392
00:21:55,501 --> 00:21:57,199
Yeah.
393
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,889
We're all coming.
394
00:21:59,890 --> 00:22:01,360
See you on the bus.
395
00:22:04,790 --> 00:22:07,479
I don't know what's wrong with me,
Nana.
396
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,919
I just annoy everyone.
397
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,369
Mam, Sunny.
398
00:22:12,370 --> 00:22:14,819
I'm doing my own head in.
399
00:22:14,820 --> 00:22:17,770
I just feel all over the place.
400
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:25,089
Ken, get on to Tongs and Tweezers.
Tell Mirna I've got a family crisis.
401
00:22:25,090 --> 00:22:27,300
She'll understand.
She has one every week.
402
00:22:31,210 --> 00:22:33,659
I tell you what's wrong, my love.
403
00:22:33,660 --> 00:22:36,669
You're coping with a lot of change.
404
00:22:36,670 --> 00:22:40,019
Change isn't easy.
405
00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:42,970
You're only a baby
and you're having a baby.
406
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,880
Your hormones must be
all over the shop.
407
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,779
I was 20-odd having your uncle Dai.
I still went cuckoo.
408
00:22:51,780 --> 00:22:55,690
I wanted to run away with
the milkman and weave my own rugs.
409
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:58,859
What?
410
00:22:58,860 --> 00:23:00,590
I'm still here, aren't I?
411
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,889
Haven't seen Rhian's dog, have you?
412
00:23:08,890 --> 00:23:11,820
I was giving it a blue-rinse
and it done a bunk.
413
00:23:20,630 --> 00:23:22,600
Check it out.
414
00:23:23,580 --> 00:23:25,520
Look what I found in the garage.
415
00:23:25,521 --> 00:23:30,179
Respect for the dead, lads.
We've got a sitter, have we?
416
00:23:30,180 --> 00:23:33,369
Aye. No bending him whatsoever.
417
00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:35,819
Bless. So what do you think?
418
00:23:35,820 --> 00:23:37,999
It's Daddy in an old wheelchair.
419
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,199
Wrong!
This is our ticket to the fast lane.
420
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,398
There'll be a massive queue
for the Fun Day,
421
00:23:43,399 --> 00:23:44,870
cos of all the celebs and that.
422
00:23:44,871 --> 00:23:48,539
I rang Nash House and they give
priority to disableds.
423
00:23:48,540 --> 00:23:51,229
Yeah, and the carers.
424
00:23:51,230 --> 00:23:52,448
No hanging around for us!
425
00:23:52,449 --> 00:23:54,900
Straight to the front
for gin with Shirley Bassey.
426
00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:57,349
Result.
427
00:23:57,350 --> 00:24:00,279
I tell you what, we found
loads of old crap in that garage.
428
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:03,469
Salad spinner that don't work,
an old set of dentures,
429
00:24:03,470 --> 00:24:05,009
two Leo Sayer albums...
430
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,310
Yeah, Birmingham marina. 1978.
431
00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:13,980
What's this?
432
00:24:17,230 --> 00:24:19,359
God, yeah.
433
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,800
I loved that film.
434
00:24:22,870 --> 00:24:25,559
And you got one of these for free.
435
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:28,910
That's right.
436
00:24:28,911 --> 00:24:32,319
Because he was called Colon
and she was called Faye.
437
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,278
He wanted to take her to his planet.
438
00:24:34,279 --> 00:24:36,730
And she wanted to go,
but she didn't want to go.
439
00:24:36,731 --> 00:24:39,419
Don't make them like that
anymore, do they? Thank God.
440
00:24:42,850 --> 00:24:45,059
"Come with me
of your own free will."
441
00:24:45,060 --> 00:24:47,509
"Or I will have to take you
by force."
442
00:24:47,510 --> 00:24:49,930
Remember?
443
00:24:52,140 --> 00:24:54,590
I think I might hang on to these
for a bit.
444
00:24:54,591 --> 00:24:56,049
Show Dai.
445
00:24:56,050 --> 00:24:57,280
You know?
446
00:25:03,900 --> 00:25:06,079
Hello again.
447
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:07,310
Is Luke about?
448
00:25:07,311 --> 00:25:09,040
Yeah.
449
00:25:10,340 --> 00:25:11,719
Come in a minute.
450
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,190
Luke?
451
00:25:14,730 --> 00:25:16,859
Me? A handyman?
452
00:25:16,860 --> 00:25:19,068
Big Rae don't need a carpenter
around the gym.
453
00:25:19,069 --> 00:25:21,010
Just someone to look after
the place.
454
00:25:21,011 --> 00:25:22,739
I barely get any training in.
455
00:25:22,740 --> 00:25:25,158
He's always asking me
to unblock the drains,
456
00:25:25,159 --> 00:25:27,130
move the weights,
sort the gloves out.
457
00:25:27,131 --> 00:25:29,819
See, he's desperate.
Thanks.
458
00:25:29,820 --> 00:25:33,489
Anyway, he wants you to go round
for a chat. 5:00pm.
459
00:25:33,490 --> 00:25:35,200
An interview, like?
Yeah.
460
00:25:36,420 --> 00:25:38,629
Well?
Come on, mate.
461
00:25:38,630 --> 00:25:40,360
You've got nothing to lose,
have you?
462
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:42,779
Maybe.
463
00:25:42,780 --> 00:25:44,509
I'll have a think, OK?
464
00:25:44,510 --> 00:25:45,970
Well done!
Don't fuss, Mam.
465
00:25:45,971 --> 00:25:47,939
I said I'll have a think.
466
00:25:47,940 --> 00:25:49,160
Sorry.
467
00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:02,360
No!
468
00:26:05,050 --> 00:26:06,779
Please have mercy.
469
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,409
I am Colon.
470
00:26:11,410 --> 00:26:13,139
I have witnessed you, Faye.
471
00:26:13,140 --> 00:26:16,310
Now, I must have you as mine.
472
00:26:17,290 --> 00:26:23,169
Do not resist me, or I will
numb you with my probe.
473
00:26:35,390 --> 00:26:39,560
Colon!
You have numbed me with your probe.
474
00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:45,179
Paula? It's Al.
475
00:26:45,180 --> 00:26:47,390
I've come for that £9.40, I have.
476
00:27:10,860 --> 00:27:12,830
Look, Keckers. I want a word, like.
477
00:27:12,831 --> 00:27:15,519
Pukey Lukey!
I changed my mind.
478
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,960
I just been telling the boys
about your old girl.
479
00:27:17,961 --> 00:27:20,649
What?
Didn't she tell you?
480
00:27:20,650 --> 00:27:22,120
Paid me a little visit.
481
00:27:22,121 --> 00:27:25,549
Huffing and puffing she was.
Getting all worked up.
482
00:27:25,550 --> 00:27:28,479
Tried to dim me.
Had to be held back.
483
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:31,909
If she weren't your mammy,
I would have swung for her, like.
484
00:27:31,910 --> 00:27:33,130
What did she say?
485
00:27:38,270 --> 00:27:39,999
He hasn't shown.
486
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,439
It's only 5.15pm. He'll be here now.
487
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,389
Look what I got him.
488
00:27:44,390 --> 00:27:46,359
Nylon bristles.
489
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:50,029
And overalls from the pound shop.
490
00:27:50,030 --> 00:27:54,179
Didn't get day-glo ones. Don't want
him looking like he's in a disco.
491
00:27:54,180 --> 00:27:56,630
Ain't gonna look like nothing
unless he turns up.
492
00:27:57,850 --> 00:27:58,839
Mam!
493
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:00,059
Told you.
494
00:28:00,060 --> 00:28:03,229
Why do you have to interfere
in my business all the time?
495
00:28:03,230 --> 00:28:06,419
Hey, hang on. What's this?
You can stay out of it and all.
496
00:28:06,420 --> 00:28:08,600
I seen Keckers.
You made me look like a twat.
497
00:28:08,601 --> 00:28:10,809
I just don't want you
hanging round with him.
498
00:28:10,810 --> 00:28:12,519
You'll be back in that prison.
499
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:14,719
Mam, I'm 24.
I can look after myself.
500
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,919
I don't need you or him sticking
your nose in my business. Got it?
501
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,080
Surely you can understand
why I would... Got it?
502
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:25,740
Yeah.
503
00:28:31,620 --> 00:28:33,800
So I take it he don't want
the job, then?
504
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,679
Didn't take the golden boy long
to fall off his pedestal, did it?
505
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,129
He didn't fall off.
He jumped.
506
00:28:42,130 --> 00:28:44,339
Not really his fault though, is it?
507
00:28:44,340 --> 00:28:46,280
He's coping with a lot of change.
508
00:28:46,281 --> 00:28:48,250
And change ain't easy.
509
00:28:54,610 --> 00:28:57,059
Off to see your drug-dealer friend,
are you?
510
00:28:57,060 --> 00:28:58,520
No.
Don't lie to me, Luke.
511
00:28:58,521 --> 00:29:00,729
I'm not.
I'm not going to see Keckers.
512
00:29:00,730 --> 00:29:02,678
You going to
the Celebrity Fun Day?
513
00:29:02,679 --> 00:29:04,640
We're going to meet
Catherine Zeta Jones.
514
00:29:04,641 --> 00:29:07,570
Maybe. Got a few things to do first.
515
00:29:07,810 --> 00:29:09,780
Luke?
What now?
516
00:29:12,230 --> 00:29:13,690
Give me a cwtch.
517
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:23,479
I know you're a good boy.
518
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:25,690
I know you are.
519
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:31,069
See you later.
520
00:29:31,070 --> 00:29:32,770
So long.
521
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,200
Who is Catherine Zeta Jones?
522
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:44,768
I don't see why
he can't just walk on to it.
523
00:29:44,769 --> 00:29:46,720
He's not actually disabled, is he?
524
00:29:46,721 --> 00:29:48,919
And what if Shirley Bassey turns up
525
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,609
at exactly the same time
Daddy's waltzing off the bus?
526
00:29:51,610 --> 00:29:53,078
Then where will we be?
527
00:29:54,381 --> 00:29:55,789
Yeah, and the rest.
528
00:29:55,790 --> 00:29:58,210
Now, don't have kittens,
529
00:29:58,211 --> 00:30:01,159
because I've got the cash.
But it's in coppers.
530
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:04,089
Dai forgot to go to
the hole-in-the-wall this morning.
531
00:30:04,090 --> 00:30:05,799
Thanks.
532
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:07,760
I've just got to...
533
00:30:08,750 --> 00:30:10,048
I've just got to...
534
00:30:10,049 --> 00:30:11,200
Got to do...
535
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,589
What's up with him, then?
536
00:30:15,590 --> 00:30:17,319
Nerves.
537
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:20,479
Meeting celebrities does it to you.
I've seen it all before.
538
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,690
I went to a Carol Vorderman
book-signing once.
539
00:30:22,691 --> 00:30:26,119
This woman dropped dead,
right in front of her.
540
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,069
My God.
541
00:30:28,070 --> 00:30:30,759
Did she sign her book?
Yeah.
542
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:32,220
And she done a photo.
543
00:30:35,410 --> 00:30:37,860
What exactly do you get
in the VIP bit, then?
544
00:30:37,861 --> 00:30:41,769
Free drinks. Meet the stars.
You seeing Sunil down there?
545
00:30:41,770 --> 00:30:43,979
I don't know.
We're still not speaking.
546
00:30:43,980 --> 00:30:46,429
Does VIP stand for
Very Important Person?
547
00:30:46,430 --> 00:30:47,410
Yes, love.
548
00:30:47,411 --> 00:30:50,339
Am I very important, then?
You are to me.
549
00:30:50,340 --> 00:30:52,039
Off for the bus, is it?
550
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:53,269
Yeah.
551
00:30:53,270 --> 00:30:56,699
I suppose she'll be there,
will she? Lording it?
552
00:30:56,700 --> 00:30:59,149
Who now?
Bassey.
553
00:30:59,150 --> 00:31:02,819
We can't stand the sight of her.
Otherwise we'd be joining you, like.
554
00:31:30,550 --> 00:31:31,929
Alright?
555
00:31:31,930 --> 00:31:34,619
Hey, where to's your mam?
Not going to jump me, is she?
556
00:31:34,620 --> 00:31:35,600
Nah.
557
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,150
Sorry, Allan, love.
558
00:32:04,370 --> 00:32:07,079
Is Stella on her way?
I've got a little surprise for her.
559
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:08,550
There's lovely.
560
00:32:09,270 --> 00:32:11,239
Alright?
561
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:12,460
Alright, Dai?
562
00:32:12,461 --> 00:32:14,910
- I'll go by the window, Ken.
- Budge up.
563
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:20,519
My God, Karl.
What have I done to that damn dog?
564
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:22,970
Don't worry, babes.
She probably haven't noticed.
565
00:32:22,971 --> 00:32:25,660
You can't be expected
to get it right first time.
566
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:27,870
Hiya.
567
00:32:28,850 --> 00:32:30,080
You made it, then.
568
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,969
I got a little surprise for you.
569
00:32:34,970 --> 00:32:36,200
VIP tickets.
570
00:32:36,201 --> 00:32:38,139
Free drinks. Meet the stars.
571
00:32:38,140 --> 00:32:42,800
Al, that's really kind of you,
but my friend's already got us some.
572
00:32:44,260 --> 00:32:46,469
A friend?
Hiya.
573
00:32:46,470 --> 00:32:49,399
Alright? Why are you coming with us
on Camel Coaches?
574
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:50,860
You could you go on your Harley.
575
00:32:50,861 --> 00:32:53,309
It's good for the environment,
isn't it?
576
00:32:53,310 --> 00:32:55,519
Us all going on the bus.
577
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:57,479
He's got a Harley?
578
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,430
Anyway, shall we...
579
00:33:05,790 --> 00:33:07,250
You look nice, love.
580
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,879
So, I think Luke's really sorry
about what happened.
581
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:16,319
Did he apologise?
Not exactly, no.
582
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,269
But I know he is.
Right.
583
00:33:18,270 --> 00:33:20,239
Corned beef and pickle?
584
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:22,919
Mam, it's only a half-hour journey.
585
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,868
I'll have one,
if you've got one going.
586
00:33:24,869 --> 00:33:26,090
Pass it down.
587
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,959
And he says he's not going to see
that Keckers no more
588
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:34,660
and I believe him. So there we are.
589
00:33:34,661 --> 00:33:38,089
I don't like to tell you this...
Mini-pasty?
590
00:33:38,090 --> 00:33:41,519
Right, I'm not waiting here
any longer. Barry, off we go.
591
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:44,450
Now, who's going to start us off
on the singing?
592
00:34:22,850 --> 00:34:24,819
OMG, it's Cheggers.
593
00:34:24,820 --> 00:34:26,519
Just play it cool, alright?
594
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,729
Fame does funny things to people.
595
00:34:28,730 --> 00:34:30,700
He's not even that famous.
596
00:34:34,450 --> 00:34:36,319
Hiya, Keith. Bobby Gidkins.
597
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:37,778
It's a pleasure to meet you.
598
00:34:37,779 --> 00:34:39,990
It was a crime
when they cancelled Swap Shop.
599
00:34:39,991 --> 00:34:42,679
Thanks very much.
Surprised you were even born.
600
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:44,640
So, you all having a good time?
Wahey!
601
00:34:51,990 --> 00:34:53,450
Right, well...
602
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:55,900
Better be getting on.
603
00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,149
Yes, bye, Keith!
604
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,239
And what was that debacle, hmm?
605
00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:05,930
You'd think you're
on day release from St Tudor's.
606
00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:09,179
I met Keith Chegwin.
607
00:35:09,180 --> 00:35:10,830
I've got to tell Dai.
608
00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:15,460
Emma!
609
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:17,910
Hiya.
610
00:35:17,911 --> 00:35:20,359
Hiya. So glad you came.
611
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:23,309
I spotted him on the street.
Grumpy Terrace by any chance?
612
00:35:23,310 --> 00:35:26,959
And I insisted he come along
with us. He is family, after all.
613
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,669
That's nice. Where to's Tanisha?
614
00:35:29,670 --> 00:35:32,359
Between you and me, she's
not a fan of charitable events.
615
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:33,820
She thinks they're indulgent.
616
00:35:33,821 --> 00:35:37,489
Now, where is
Miss Zeta Jones Douglas?
617
00:35:37,490 --> 00:35:40,999
Probably in the VIP. Come on.
618
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:42,870
Anyone for a hot dog while I'm here?
619
00:35:42,871 --> 00:35:44,570
Go on.
And me.
620
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,139
Sorry.
621
00:35:53,140 --> 00:35:55,109
Don't be.
622
00:35:55,110 --> 00:35:57,799
I was being a mentalist.
623
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,239
You were wearing matching aprons.
624
00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:02,450
Mention that again
and the wedding's off.
625
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:05,939
Who's coming for a bounce?
626
00:36:05,940 --> 00:36:08,149
On the bouncy castle.
627
00:36:08,150 --> 00:36:09,849
My God, I'll just watch.
628
00:36:09,850 --> 00:36:12,220
I don't want this baby coming early.
629
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,410
Luke?
No, you're alright.
630
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,759
Dai!
My God. What's wrong now?
631
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:24,699
I just met Keith Chegwin.
632
00:36:24,700 --> 00:36:26,430
He touched my elbow and everything.
633
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,479
Not very private, is it?
You can say that again.
634
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,919
How comes you got VIP passes, then?
635
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,129
I got friends in high places.
636
00:36:40,130 --> 00:36:42,579
I think that's disgusting.
637
00:36:42,580 --> 00:36:45,269
I'm meant to be living in
a democracy, for God's sake.
638
00:36:45,270 --> 00:36:46,728
Where to's all the stars, Al?
639
00:36:46,729 --> 00:36:49,180
I've only seen Keith Chegwin
and Debbie McGee.
640
00:36:49,181 --> 00:36:50,879
You saw Debbie McGee?
641
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,809
It says on the flyer
they're coming though, doesn't it?
642
00:36:53,810 --> 00:36:55,539
Zeta Jones. Bassey.
643
00:36:55,540 --> 00:36:57,989
Actually,
it says they've been invited.
644
00:36:57,990 --> 00:36:59,690
See? In the small print.
645
00:37:04,110 --> 00:37:06,559
Pass me one of them Bucks Fuzz,
love.
646
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,339
I do love a Bucks Fuzz, me.
647
00:37:08,340 --> 00:37:09,959
Me too.
648
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,170
My God. Are you...
649
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,360
Yes, I am. How are you doing?
650
00:37:16,830 --> 00:37:19,279
I am such a fan
of your cocking work.
651
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:20,499
Hi, Andrew.
652
00:37:20,500 --> 00:37:22,199
Can I just introduce myself?
653
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:23,669
Nadine Bevan.
Hi.
654
00:37:23,670 --> 00:37:26,619
And this is my life partner,
Karl Morris.
655
00:37:26,620 --> 00:37:29,309
Nice one, butt.
Thank you. Not bad, is it?
656
00:37:29,310 --> 00:37:32,240
I try to go to the gym most days.
Does help.
657
00:37:33,700 --> 00:37:34,920
Who's he, then?
658
00:37:37,130 --> 00:37:40,299
Hi, kid. How did your interview go,
up Big Rae's gym?
659
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:43,249
I didn't do it in the end, Gumpa.
I didn't fancy it.
660
00:37:43,250 --> 00:37:45,939
That is a shame. Would have been
an nice little job, that.
661
00:37:45,940 --> 00:37:47,159
Never mind.
662
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:50,329
He's got loads of people offering
him work. Haven't you?
663
00:37:50,330 --> 00:37:52,539
Yeah. Leave it now, alright?
664
00:37:52,540 --> 00:37:55,729
Bit ungrateful, love.
Sean was trying to do you a favour.
665
00:37:55,730 --> 00:37:58,899
What for? He's not my dad.
Not old enough to be, for a start.
666
00:37:58,900 --> 00:38:00,870
Come on, Luke, mun.
Shut up, Karl.
667
00:38:00,871 --> 00:38:03,049
Don't wind him up, Karl.
He's a criminal.
668
00:38:03,050 --> 00:38:05,759
He might stab you!
Shut up, Nadine.
669
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,208
Can we all calm down
and carry on enjoying the day?
670
00:38:08,209 --> 00:38:09,920
I didn't want the poxy job, alright?
671
00:38:09,921 --> 00:38:12,119
No, you'd rather run pills
for Keckers.
672
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:13,830
What are you on about?
I saw you.
673
00:38:13,831 --> 00:38:15,529
Earlier on, outside his house.
674
00:38:15,530 --> 00:38:17,980
You might fool your mum,
but you don't fool me.
675
00:38:17,981 --> 00:38:19,710
For God's sake!
676
00:38:20,190 --> 00:38:21,888
You don't what to do that, mate.
677
00:38:21,889 --> 00:38:24,100
What do I want to do then, mate?
Come on, tell me!
678
00:38:24,101 --> 00:38:26,069
Hey, come on now, lads.
679
00:38:26,070 --> 00:38:28,009
We're in the VIP.
680
00:38:28,010 --> 00:38:30,220
Have some respect.
681
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:35,860
Luke!
682
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,769
What a fantastic turn out
here today,
683
00:38:39,770 --> 00:38:42,939
and all raising money
for such a worthy cause.
684
00:38:42,940 --> 00:38:46,129
Without further ado,
it gives me great pleasure
685
00:38:46,130 --> 00:38:50,279
to declare this charity
Family Fun Day well and truly...
686
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:51,510
Bastard!
687
00:39:01,540 --> 00:39:04,970
For God's sake, somebody stop them!
He's a boxer! He'll kill him!
688
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:08,880
Don't be daft. He's nearly 70.
689
00:39:10,830 --> 00:39:13,519
Scrap! Scrap!
Don't be a fool! He's not worth it!
690
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:14,998
Which one's not worth it?
691
00:39:14,999 --> 00:39:17,190
It's just what you say
when there's a fight.
692
00:39:17,191 --> 00:39:19,900
Go on, Lukey! Elbows, butt. Elbows.
Go on!
693
00:39:22,830 --> 00:39:23,809
No!
694
00:39:28,790 --> 00:39:30,889
So you did lie to me, then.
695
00:39:30,890 --> 00:39:34,559
No. I seen Keckers,
but I gave him back the pills, Mam.
696
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:36,769
I didn't go through with it.
697
00:39:36,770 --> 00:39:40,439
And I went to the Chicken Manor.
I got a job up there.
698
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,879
It's crap pay,
it's got no prospects.
699
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:45,340
But it's not dodgy.
700
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:48,029
Alright? Happy now?
701
00:39:48,030 --> 00:39:50,479
Chicken Manor, Chicken Schmanor.
702
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:53,639
No member of my family works
in a place like that.
703
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:54,630
What?
704
00:39:55,850 --> 00:39:58,299
I will give you a proper job.
705
00:39:58,300 --> 00:40:00,749
In my post office!
706
00:40:00,750 --> 00:40:03,679
Don't you think
you should check with Mum first?
707
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,869
And 15p more an hour.
Serious?
708
00:40:06,870 --> 00:40:10,039
Yes, serious.
Result.
709
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:11,759
What the hell.
710
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:13,789
20p more an hour!
711
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:23,259
And while we're at it, no-one has
paid me yet for this bloody trip.
712
00:40:23,260 --> 00:40:26,429
£57 I forked out for Camel Coaches.
713
00:40:26,430 --> 00:40:31,319
Every single one of you,
apart from Paula, owes me £2.35.
714
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:35,499
No-one is going nowhere
until I get my money.
715
00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:37,039
So come on.
716
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:38,670
Pay up.
717
00:40:40,130 --> 00:40:41,360
Please.
718
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,199
Thanks for not hitting me too hard,
butt.
719
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:50,909
I wish I could say the same.
720
00:40:50,910 --> 00:40:53,119
Right, I'll see you, then.
Yeah.
721
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,139
Hey, Luke.
722
00:40:55,140 --> 00:40:56,280
See you, mate.
723
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:03,149
My God, Luke. You hit a boxer.
That's quality, that is.
724
00:41:03,150 --> 00:41:05,090
It's not. It's really thick.
725
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,759
I'd better get going as well.
Wait a minute.
726
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,469
What?
727
00:41:10,470 --> 00:41:12,919
Why have you always got
to get going?
728
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,869
Where exactly are you getting
going to? Are you alright?
729
00:41:15,870 --> 00:41:19,780
And how many hints do you need
to work out that I like you?
730
00:41:22,230 --> 00:41:26,860
- Well, I like you. You're very nice.
- I want to go out with you.
731
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:31,040
Yeah. I think I get that.
732
00:41:32,260 --> 00:41:34,949
I just don't get why
you want to go out with me.
733
00:41:34,950 --> 00:41:37,880
Fishing now.
No, I'm not.
734
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,149
You are gorgeous.
735
00:41:48,150 --> 00:41:52,059
And sexy and lovely and you're
nearer my son's age than mine...
736
00:41:52,060 --> 00:41:53,790
Only just.
And I'm...
737
00:41:55,010 --> 00:41:58,440
Look at me. I'm going to be
a grandmother in four months.
738
00:41:59,910 --> 00:42:04,060
Why in God's name would you want
to go out with this?
739
00:42:06,270 --> 00:42:08,720
My God. You're not
doing it for a bet, are you?
740
00:42:08,721 --> 00:42:10,180
Stella...
741
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:14,569
I want to go out with you
because you're gorgeous.
742
00:42:14,570 --> 00:42:16,539
And sexy and lovely.
743
00:42:16,540 --> 00:42:19,469
I'm wearing a stripy rugby shirt.
I love being with you.
744
00:42:19,470 --> 00:42:22,899
You think dolphins are vicious
and your druggy name's Tableau
745
00:42:22,900 --> 00:42:25,349
and I bet you're amazing in bed.
746
00:42:25,350 --> 00:42:27,049
I could go on.
747
00:42:27,050 --> 00:42:29,500
Please don't. I am dying by here.
748
00:42:35,140 --> 00:42:36,360
Alright.
749
00:42:39,050 --> 00:42:40,760
Where are you taking me?
750
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:44,190
Do you like Italian?
751
00:42:45,890 --> 00:42:47,439
Of course.
752
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:48,579
Giovanni's.
753
00:42:48,580 --> 00:42:50,309
Next week.
754
00:42:50,310 --> 00:42:52,009
For definite.
755
00:42:52,010 --> 00:42:53,719
For definite.
756
00:42:53,720 --> 00:42:55,440
I'll call you when I've booked it.
757
00:43:10,370 --> 00:43:13,539
Charged? What with?
Fraud.
758
00:43:13,540 --> 00:43:17,209
'PS, I'm not messing around.
I really have gone.'
759
00:43:17,210 --> 00:43:18,939
Your boyfriend.
760
00:43:18,940 --> 00:43:21,869
You've got three missed calls off
him. Should I answer it? No!
761
00:43:21,870 --> 00:43:23,328
Should I be taking a hint?
762
00:43:23,329 --> 00:43:24,800
Well, we've been all over.
763
00:43:24,801 --> 00:43:26,259
Follow that hearse.
764
00:43:26,260 --> 00:43:29,449
It's only spaghetti.
I couldn't have actual sex with him.
765
00:43:29,450 --> 00:43:30,920
I wouldn't know where to begin.
766
00:43:30,921 --> 00:43:34,589
Hope you're ready to get the shit
kicked out of you, Williams. Nice.
767
00:43:34,590 --> 00:43:38,500
Dai!
768
00:43:42,125 --> 00:43:44,625
Subtitles by APOLLO
www.addic7ed.com