1
00:00:10,069 --> 00:00:14,215
- Woodhouse, you you sneaky old fiend...
- Happy birthday, sir!
2
00:00:14,335 --> 00:00:15,701
Thanks, Woodhouse.
3
00:00:15,703 --> 00:00:17,669
This is amazing, seriously,
you outdid yourself.
4
00:00:17,671 --> 00:00:19,658
That's not all, sir!
5
00:00:22,082 --> 00:00:25,012
I, er... sorry about that.
6
00:00:25,014 --> 00:00:26,480
It's okay, I'll just
wait here while you go
7
00:00:26,482 --> 00:00:29,015
make me a whole new birthday
breakfast not covered in garbage.
8
00:00:29,017 --> 00:00:32,654
It's not garbage sir, it's--
Scraps of paper, Woodhouse,
9
00:00:32,656 --> 00:00:35,223
which by any definition,
yes, is garbage.
10
00:00:35,225 --> 00:00:38,728
Afraid I don't have the
ingredients to recreate this
11
00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:40,363
exact breakfast, sir.
12
00:00:40,365 --> 00:00:43,334
Ugh, okay then, uh...
Nutella waffles.
13
00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:45,436
- Mmmm...
- Damn it.
14
00:00:45,438 --> 00:00:46,738
Nutella steak-and-eggs?
15
00:00:46,740 --> 00:00:48,641
Today's my shopping day.
16
00:00:48,643 --> 00:00:52,278
Why do you even bother...living.
17
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,147
No time to talk, Popeye.
18
00:00:54,149 --> 00:00:55,983
It's my birthdayyy.
19
00:00:55,985 --> 00:00:57,517
Were you going to say Happy Birthday?
20
00:00:57,519 --> 00:00:58,185
Don't bother.
21
00:00:58,187 --> 00:01:00,754
Happy Birthday to me.
22
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:03,491
Hmm-Mmm.
23
00:01:03,493 --> 00:01:06,894
I wonder what the guys in the
office have planned for my birthday.
24
00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:11,465
Wonder if Fudgie the Whale
will be there or Cookie Puss.
25
00:01:11,467 --> 00:01:12,533
Cookie Puss.
26
00:01:12,535 --> 00:01:16,837
Those guys at Carvel
know what they're doing.
27
00:01:16,839 --> 00:01:18,306
Paging Dr. Boy!
28
00:01:18,308 --> 00:01:20,908
Dr. Birthday Boy!
29
00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:27,850
Ahem.
30
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:34,725
So, what're you ladies up to?
31
00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:36,627
Cleaning out
the stupid file room.
32
00:01:36,629 --> 00:01:37,094
Oh yeah?
33
00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:38,962
Any particular reason?
34
00:01:38,964 --> 00:01:40,531
It's full of shit?
35
00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:42,566
Speaking of, is that Archer?
36
00:01:42,568 --> 00:01:47,738
Yes, but I have to warn you...
I don't like... surprises?
37
00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:50,174
Or doing your share
of work apparently.
38
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:50,774
Who likes that?
39
00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:53,243
You'd better start, because
a lot of this junk is yours.
40
00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:54,411
Now get to work.
41
00:01:54,413 --> 00:01:55,746
Are you serious?
44
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:02,153
Because here's nothing special
about today whatsoever, Mother!
45
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:05,558
- Oh, I wouldn't say that...
I -- wait, really?
46
00:02:06,261 --> 00:02:08,394
Yes, it's the
quarterly fire drill.
47
00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:09,762
Let's go, people!
48
00:02:09,764 --> 00:02:11,698
Get the lead out!
49
00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:15,436
- Ferris Bueller you're my heeero...
- Shut up.
50
00:02:15,438 --> 00:02:18,005
Hang on, does nobody seriously
know what today is?!
51
00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:18,639
Tuesday?
52
00:02:18,641 --> 00:02:19,273
The Rapture?
53
00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:20,441
Come on, people.
54
00:02:20,443 --> 00:02:21,409
Look alive.
55
00:02:21,411 --> 00:02:24,212
I never remember it taking so long.
56
00:02:24,214 --> 00:02:26,714
Well maybe that's because
you never remember anything!
57
00:02:26,716 --> 00:02:28,516
So -- Oh my God!
58
00:02:28,518 --> 00:02:31,630
Surpriiise!
59
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:34,465
I -- is that -- what -- Mother...?
60
00:02:34,585 --> 00:02:36,590
Happy birthday, dear.
61
00:02:39,762 --> 00:02:41,629
Ow!
62
00:02:41,631 --> 00:02:42,705
I think.
63
00:02:42,940 --> 00:02:53,300
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
64
00:03:18,535 --> 00:03:21,738
I can feel it.
65
00:03:21,740 --> 00:03:26,010
I can feel your power.
66
00:03:26,012 --> 00:03:27,211
What's that?
67
00:03:27,213 --> 00:03:28,779
You want me inside you?
68
00:03:28,781 --> 00:03:30,414
Sterling.
69
00:03:30,416 --> 00:03:31,215
You know my name?
70
00:03:31,217 --> 00:03:32,250
Sterling!
71
00:03:32,252 --> 00:03:32,650
Hm?
72
00:03:32,652 --> 00:03:34,185
Oh, sorry.
73
00:03:34,187 --> 00:03:35,487
I believe a "thank you"
74
00:03:35,489 --> 00:03:36,588
is in order.
75
00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:39,324
Mother, oh my
God, yes, thank you!
76
00:03:39,326 --> 00:03:43,161
And not just - well, mostly me,
of course, but Dr. Krieger helped too.
77
00:03:43,163 --> 00:03:47,231
Well, only if by "helped" you mean...
78
00:03:47,233 --> 00:03:51,302
Oversaw the design the world's
most insanely kickass spy car.
79
00:03:51,304 --> 00:03:52,703
It's a spy car?
80
00:03:52,705 --> 00:03:53,938
Lana?
81
00:03:53,940 --> 00:03:54,705
Wh-?
82
00:03:54,707 --> 00:03:55,706
Lana, noooooooooo!
83
00:03:57,343 --> 00:04:00,044
Gagh!
84
00:04:00,046 --> 00:04:00,979
Holy shit!
85
00:04:00,981 --> 00:04:03,248
Yeah, I'm like a magnet.
86
00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:04,149
Brett, shut up.
87
00:04:04,151 --> 00:04:05,450
What else does it do?
88
00:04:05,452 --> 00:04:07,085
Press that red button?
89
00:04:07,087 --> 00:04:09,755
I -- wait, is it
gonna kill everybody?
90
00:04:09,757 --> 00:04:11,324
Press that blue button?
91
00:04:11,326 --> 00:04:14,361
- Welcome, Mr. Archer...
- It does know my name!
92
00:04:14,363 --> 00:04:18,466
To the Dodge Challenger Special
Agent Edition, brought to you by Dodge.
93
00:04:18,468 --> 00:04:19,167
Thanks, Dodge!
94
00:04:19,169 --> 00:04:23,238
Featuring a 440 V8 engine,
six speed manual transmission,
95
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,640
and a top speed of 185.
96
00:04:25,642 --> 00:04:26,874
Heavy-duty suspension.
97
00:04:26,876 --> 00:04:28,176
Runflat tires.
98
00:04:28,178 --> 00:04:30,679
Bulletproof body panels and windows.
99
00:04:30,681 --> 00:04:33,915
Twin thirty-cal machine guns
mounted in the front...
100
00:04:33,917 --> 00:04:38,386
antipursuit countermeasures
in the rear.
101
00:04:38,388 --> 00:04:40,888
It makes the
Mach-5 look like a vagina!
102
00:04:40,890 --> 00:04:45,193
The interior boasts mil-spec
GPS, satellite communications,
103
00:04:45,195 --> 00:04:49,398
hi-fi stereo, rich Corinthian leather...
- Corinth is famous for
104
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:49,998
its leather!
105
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,936
- And of course...
- Aaaaaaaaagh!
106
00:04:53,938 --> 00:04:56,239
The in-dash bar is to be stocked
with non-alcoholic beverages only.
107
00:04:56,241 --> 00:04:56,973
Dodge cannot stress this enough.
108
00:04:56,975 --> 00:04:58,675
Never ever ever drink and drive.
109
00:04:58,677 --> 00:05:01,544
Now Sterling, listen to me.
110
00:05:01,546 --> 00:05:04,079
- It's like seeing the face of God...
- Sterling!
111
00:05:04,081 --> 00:05:04,513
What?
112
00:05:04,515 --> 00:05:08,417
This car cost me a lot of money,
so you have to take proper care of it.
113
00:05:08,419 --> 00:05:08,884
I will!
114
00:05:08,886 --> 00:05:10,519
And if you crash it --
I won't!
115
00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:13,923
Or God forbid, if you get it stolen--
I won't!
116
00:05:13,925 --> 00:05:16,191
You won't ever get another one.
117
00:05:16,193 --> 00:05:20,329
Mother I promise, I'll take
the best care of it of anything ever.
118
00:05:20,331 --> 00:05:21,396
You'd better.
119
00:05:21,398 --> 00:05:22,163
Well c'mon!
120
00:05:22,165 --> 00:05:23,365
Give your mom a hug!
121
00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:27,369
Oh, no, I don't think that's really--
Possible.
122
00:05:27,371 --> 00:05:28,170
At all.
123
00:05:28,172 --> 00:05:28,704
Why not?
124
00:05:28,706 --> 00:05:30,672
- Um...
- Ugh, he's got an erection.
125
00:05:30,674 --> 00:05:32,874
Murmuring.
126
00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:35,411
Sorry, it's this
Corinthian leather.
127
00:05:35,413 --> 00:05:37,346
In my new Dodge Challengerrrrrrr!
128
00:05:41,653 --> 00:05:48,258
Forgot to close the bar.
129
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:52,396
In my new Dodge Challengerrrrrrr!
130
00:05:52,398 --> 00:05:55,199
Wow, so how much
did Dodge kick in?
131
00:05:55,201 --> 00:05:59,637
Not as much as you'd think.
132
00:05:59,639 --> 00:06:02,807
So, I hope this doesn't sound weird...
But I kinda wanna have
133
00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:03,474
sex with you.
134
00:06:03,476 --> 00:06:05,976
Is that alright?
135
00:06:05,978 --> 00:06:06,310
Ugh!
136
00:06:06,312 --> 00:06:07,378
Seriously Dodge?
137
00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:08,546
Apple juice?
138
00:06:08,548 --> 00:06:12,616
Not you the car, obviously, but
you the blonde genie-woman
139
00:06:12,618 --> 00:06:14,952
who lives inside you that talks.
140
00:06:14,954 --> 00:06:17,388
So, what do I call you?
141
00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:17,855
Hello?
142
00:06:17,857 --> 00:06:20,791
Jeannie, it's me, master.
143
00:06:20,793 --> 00:06:23,727
I -- wait a minute, was that
just a lame pre-recorded video?
144
00:06:23,729 --> 00:06:25,596
Or are you pouting for some reason?
145
00:06:26,499 --> 00:06:31,336
Fine, then pout!
146
00:06:31,338 --> 00:06:34,706
But that totally wasn't my fault...
You shouldn't even be
147
00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:37,942
able to put the car in
gear with the bar open!
148
00:06:37,944 --> 00:06:43,314
Besides the danger of drunk driving...
It's obviously a huge design flaw!
149
00:06:43,316 --> 00:06:46,017
Which is why now you're all sticky!
150
00:06:46,019 --> 00:06:47,885
Which, sorry for that.
151
00:06:47,887 --> 00:06:52,723
Once we get you parked I'll clean you up
and wipe you down with a fine chamois.
152
00:06:52,725 --> 00:06:56,493
And also quit talking to you,
because now I'm pretty sure that
153
00:06:56,495 --> 00:06:59,530
was just a recording.
154
00:06:59,532 --> 00:07:02,200
I mean... it was, right?
155
00:07:02,202 --> 00:07:05,070
Whatever, either way I'm done talking.
156
00:07:05,072 --> 00:07:07,773
Oh, come on, it's full?
157
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:10,276
Damn it, guess I'll have
to park on the street.
158
00:07:10,278 --> 00:07:14,614
if you get it stolen...
you won't ever get another one.
159
00:07:15,416 --> 00:07:17,583
I heard you, Mother!
160
00:07:17,585 --> 00:07:25,558
- Somehow...
- Uh, duh duh duh duh duh... ooo!
161
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,160
Hiya, neighbor!
162
00:07:34,535 --> 00:07:37,302
The grappling hook
detaches from my end?
163
00:07:37,304 --> 00:07:40,205
Way to think it through, Dodge.
164
00:07:40,207 --> 00:07:42,574
So, clean all the broken
glass and the sticky apple juice,
165
00:07:42,576 --> 00:07:46,445
then I need all new glassware,
some real liquor... Uh... oh!
166
00:07:46,447 --> 00:07:48,214
There's a grappling hook
in the street, get that,
167
00:07:48,216 --> 00:07:50,116
and then find out where
to buy caltrops.
168
00:07:50,118 --> 00:07:51,184
Caltrops?
169
00:07:51,186 --> 00:07:52,652
Yeah, caltrops.
170
00:07:52,654 --> 00:07:53,953
Try, maybe...
171
00:07:53,955 --> 00:07:56,189
"area denial weapons dot com."
172
00:07:56,191 --> 00:07:59,159
Very good, sir.
173
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:03,430
Oh, did you decide
to start talking to me?
174
00:08:03,432 --> 00:08:06,333
Nothing, Woodhouse, what do you want?
175
00:08:06,335 --> 00:08:08,235
Ugh, it's black?
176
00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:09,203
Powerful?
177
00:08:09,205 --> 00:08:10,036
Sexy?
178
00:08:10,038 --> 00:08:13,206
Like if Ron O'Neal was a car?
179
00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:15,141
What?
180
00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:22,247
No... No, no, no, no...
Noooooooo!
181
00:08:26,624 --> 00:08:29,669
- No, no, no, no...
- Sir?
182
00:08:29,789 --> 00:08:32,996
- What are you --
- I thought, maybe she had some sort of,
183
00:08:32,998 --> 00:08:34,690
cloak, cloaking de-hi-hiiice!
184
00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:37,725
- No, then I'd be standing in it...
- You!
185
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,115
What'd you do with Jeannie?
186
00:08:39,117 --> 00:08:40,016
Steady on, sir!
187
00:08:40,018 --> 00:08:42,652
I swear to God I'll
scoop out whatever organs you
188
00:08:42,654 --> 00:08:45,655
have left and aaaaaghhh!
189
00:08:45,657 --> 00:08:48,858
Sorry sir, you
were going all Bilboey.
190
00:08:48,860 --> 00:08:50,126
I'm sorry.
191
00:08:50,128 --> 00:08:51,030
Woodhouse.
192
00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:52,428
Can I see that can for a sec?
193
00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:53,362
No, sir!
194
00:08:53,364 --> 00:08:57,600
I just wanted to read the warning
label about in case of eye contact!
195
00:08:57,602 --> 00:09:01,670
You did not, you were
going to spray me in the eyes!
196
00:09:01,672 --> 00:09:03,606
I totally was.
197
00:09:03,608 --> 00:09:06,676
Oh my God, okay, I gotta think...
Would you stop?
198
00:09:06,678 --> 00:09:08,212
They look pretty bad, sir.
199
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:08,679
Really?
200
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,148
Because they feel great!
201
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:12,616
Okay, so obviously Jeannie was stolen.
202
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,952
And who steals cars, Woodhouse?
203
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,355
Jippos.
204
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:18,490
Car thieves.
205
00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:22,527
And this was obviously a ring
of very high-end car thieves.
206
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:25,630
So now I have to go undercover
in the high-end car-thief...
207
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:28,233
whatever, underworld,
and steal Jeannie back!
208
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,168
Sounds dangerous, sir.
209
00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:34,205
***as Mother finding out I
lost my birthday present.
210
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:37,808
Sterling.
211
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,076
Y-yes, Mother?
212
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,877
Where is your new bicycle?
213
00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:46,951
- That's what I thought...
- And you let her do it.
214
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,320
- I --
- I'm kidding, you couldn't have stopped her,
215
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,756
she would've snapped your spine.
216
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,760
You are just... tiny.
217
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:55,628
Lana!
218
00:09:55,630 --> 00:09:56,929
Whaddya know, whaddya say?
219
00:09:56,931 --> 00:10:03,336
I know you're about to ask me for
a favor, and I say, wait for it...
220
00:10:03,338 --> 00:10:05,138
I --
Wait?
221
00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:06,406
Was that even a twist-off?
222
00:10:06,408 --> 00:10:06,907
No.
223
00:10:06,909 --> 00:10:07,374
Yikes.
224
00:10:07,376 --> 00:10:08,108
Is my answer.
225
00:10:08,110 --> 00:10:08,775
To your favor.
226
00:10:08,777 --> 00:10:12,279
No matter what it is, the answer is no.
227
00:10:12,281 --> 00:10:14,081
Somebody stole my birthday car.
228
00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:19,153
Okay, I'm gonna drink some of this,
and then do a huge spit take on you.
229
00:10:19,155 --> 00:10:20,421
What the shit, Lana?
230
00:10:20,423 --> 00:10:22,356
I told you I was gonna do it.
231
00:10:22,358 --> 00:10:24,626
Right, sorry,
guess I'm a bad listener.
232
00:10:24,628 --> 00:10:25,360
Obviously!
233
00:10:25,362 --> 00:10:28,696
Malory told you not to let
that stupid car get stolen!
234
00:10:28,698 --> 00:10:30,899
Thank you,
world's loudest voice!
235
00:10:30,901 --> 00:10:33,635
Now shut up, because -- for reasons
that don't bear going into,
236
00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:35,570
I have to get it back
before Mother finds out!
237
00:10:35,572 --> 00:10:37,672
Ugh, okay, I'll help you.
238
00:10:37,674 --> 00:10:40,042
To do...wait, what am I helping you do?
239
00:10:40,044 --> 00:10:41,910
Infiltrate whatever
criminal outfit steals the
240
00:10:41,912 --> 00:10:43,411
hottest cars in the city.
241
00:10:43,413 --> 00:10:46,481
- That would be the Yakuza...
Wh-?
242
00:10:47,384 --> 00:10:51,653
And man, against those pinkieless
bastards, you had better come correct.
243
00:10:51,655 --> 00:10:53,555
And you know this how?
244
00:10:53,557 --> 00:10:58,193
Exactly?
245
00:10:58,195 --> 00:11:01,196
Moshiwake arimasen.
246
00:11:01,198 --> 00:11:01,964
Homies.
247
00:11:01,966 --> 00:11:05,667
Hang on hang on,
you race drift cars?
248
00:11:05,669 --> 00:11:06,268
Crappily.
249
00:11:06,270 --> 00:11:09,871
Oh for -- is
anybody not in here?
250
00:11:09,873 --> 00:11:11,006
I'm not crappy, I just started!
251
00:11:11,008 --> 00:11:12,774
Shut up, when's
the next race and we're
252
00:11:12,776 --> 00:11:14,576
gonna pose as your pit crew.
253
00:11:14,578 --> 00:11:17,346
I -- it's tonight, and I dunno,
254
00:11:17,348 --> 00:11:20,749
if the Yakuza finds out you're
snoopin around about a hot set of wheels...
255
00:11:20,751 --> 00:11:23,585
Oh don't worry about me, I'm-
Not!
256
00:11:23,587 --> 00:11:25,687
Going on another stupid rampage.
257
00:11:25,689 --> 00:11:27,722
Well...
maybe a limited rampage.
258
00:11:27,724 --> 00:11:28,089
No.
259
00:11:28,091 --> 00:11:30,491
Modified limited rampage.
260
00:11:30,493 --> 00:11:31,993
Archer-
Don't worry about my methods!
261
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:34,996
The important thing is that nobody tells-
262
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:35,796
Motherrr!
263
00:11:35,798 --> 00:11:37,231
Tell me what.
264
00:11:37,233 --> 00:11:38,766
What?
265
00:11:38,768 --> 00:11:39,333
What.
266
00:11:39,335 --> 00:11:42,269
What're we doing, I
shouldn't be in here, and...
267
00:11:42,271 --> 00:11:43,303
neither should you Pam!
268
00:11:43,305 --> 00:11:45,072
Why aren't you
out in your new car?
269
00:11:45,074 --> 00:11:47,442
Because...
Woodhouse is detailing it,
270
00:11:47,444 --> 00:11:51,847
because that's the high level of care...
that I'm taking of it.
271
00:11:51,849 --> 00:11:56,251
You better be.
272
00:11:56,253 --> 00:11:57,687
Wow, dodged a
bullet there, huh?
273
00:11:57,689 --> 00:11:58,387
Figuratively.
274
00:11:58,389 --> 00:12:01,157
And you better hope we don't
have to dodge any literally.
275
00:12:01,159 --> 00:12:08,298
Well, obviously I hope that.
276
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:12,169
I am not super-confident
about this...
277
00:12:12,171 --> 00:12:12,870
Join the club.
278
00:12:12,872 --> 00:12:14,472
And I don't even know why I'm here.
279
00:12:14,474 --> 00:12:15,373
Join that club.
280
00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:17,508
Then shut up and act like you
know what you're doing.
281
00:12:17,510 --> 00:12:19,777
I don't know
anything about cars.
282
00:12:19,779 --> 00:12:22,780
I meant as an
agent, zing, okay Pam,
283
00:12:22,782 --> 00:12:24,949
who's the big cheesy-san around here?
284
00:12:24,951 --> 00:12:28,319
That would be Mr.Moto, he's --
Crapjacks,
285
00:12:28,321 --> 00:12:30,087
he's coming over here!
286
00:12:30,089 --> 00:12:33,390
So, shiro kabocha,
you are back.
287
00:12:33,392 --> 00:12:34,191
Hai, Moto-san.
288
00:12:34,193 --> 00:12:37,795
And again, just...
really sorry about your nephew.
289
00:12:37,797 --> 00:12:39,196
He knew the risk.
290
00:12:39,198 --> 00:12:41,299
But I do not know these people!
291
00:12:41,301 --> 00:12:44,669
Sorry hi, I'm Randy,
crew leader, and --
292
00:12:44,671 --> 00:12:47,071
Why does this
underling speak to me?
293
00:12:47,073 --> 00:12:47,972
Underling?!
294
00:12:47,974 --> 00:12:51,009
Ar -- Randy, don't --
Listen here, Moto!
295
00:12:51,011 --> 00:12:52,377
I --
Kare o bassuru!
296
00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:58,583
Uh --
Right in the head and ass.
297
00:12:58,585 --> 00:13:00,752
Ungh!
298
00:13:00,754 --> 00:13:02,953
Let that be a lesson to you!
299
00:13:02,955 --> 00:13:05,222
Yakuzo!
300
00:13:05,224 --> 00:13:07,124
Aw man, I just totally lost face!
301
00:13:07,126 --> 00:13:08,926
Join that club.
302
00:13:08,928 --> 00:13:11,663
So uh, you rethinking that rampage?
303
00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:14,700
- I am, actually...
- Ew.
304
00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:15,133
Gross.
305
00:13:15,135 --> 00:13:16,368
Then can we please
get out of here?
306
00:13:16,370 --> 00:13:19,571
Absolutely...
Right after I get my car.
307
00:13:19,573 --> 00:13:20,038
Archer!
308
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:20,572
Jeezy Petes!
309
00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:23,208
- No wonder it was runnin rough...
- Archer, don't --
310
00:13:24,077 --> 00:13:28,012
Now which one of
you pussies has it?!
311
00:13:28,014 --> 00:13:30,282
So, just a heads up, I'm
starting the rampage now.
312
00:13:30,284 --> 00:13:33,718
No kidding.
313
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:34,877
No.
314
00:13:36,996 --> 00:13:40,172
- I am so angry at you right now...
- You?
315
00:13:40,292 --> 00:13:41,514
Look at them.
316
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:42,549
They're furious.
317
00:13:42,551 --> 00:13:45,034
- One question, before you die...
- Shoot.
318
00:13:45,154 --> 00:13:45,986
Figuratively!
319
00:13:47,823 --> 00:13:51,357
- My question is this...
- What are you doing?
320
00:13:51,359 --> 00:13:52,491
What nothing!
321
00:13:53,127 --> 00:13:53,759
Uh-huh.
322
00:13:53,761 --> 00:13:55,002
Have you seen Sterling?
323
00:13:55,122 --> 00:13:56,423
Ever?
324
00:13:56,543 --> 00:13:57,796
Tonight, now!
325
00:13:57,798 --> 00:14:01,165
He's supposed to meet me at 21
for his stupid birthday dinner,
326
00:14:01,167 --> 00:14:03,801
but he's not answering his --
Mmmyello?
327
00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:08,306
Mother? Hi, listen, I can't really
talk right now, can I call you back?
328
00:14:08,308 --> 00:14:12,210
Or are you pouting for some-
Oh crap, are you already at 21?
329
00:14:12,212 --> 00:14:16,648
Sorry, I'm running late, so go ahead
and order me four martinis, and --
330
00:14:16,650 --> 00:14:20,085
- Sterling Malory Archer, you
inconsiderate little... - Boom!
331
00:14:20,087 --> 00:14:21,820
Birthday voicemail, Mother!
332
00:14:21,822 --> 00:14:23,422
I got you.
333
00:14:23,424 --> 00:14:27,519
But seriously, I bet I will be late, so
go ahead pull the trigger on those --
334
00:14:27,639 --> 00:14:29,495
Rrgh!
335
00:14:29,497 --> 00:14:32,498
What kind of ass would be late
for his own birthday dinner?
336
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:35,935
Mmmm, the kind
who'd infiltrate the Yakuza?
337
00:14:35,937 --> 00:14:36,669
What.
338
00:14:36,671 --> 00:14:37,370
Nothing.
339
00:14:37,372 --> 00:14:38,104
What, nothing.
340
00:14:38,106 --> 00:14:38,872
Carol.
341
00:14:38,874 --> 00:14:39,573
Noop.
342
00:14:39,575 --> 00:14:40,574
Answer me.
343
00:14:40,576 --> 00:14:46,579
No, I've said too much
alread -- Jeezowwww!
344
00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:48,313
You got another one in ya?
345
00:14:48,315 --> 00:14:48,981
Answer me!
346
00:14:48,983 --> 00:14:52,184
And that, I guess, is
a pretty long answer to why
347
00:14:52,186 --> 00:14:55,721
I'd go on a suicide mission
to get back my birthday car.
348
00:14:55,723 --> 00:14:57,690
Because of a stupid bicycle?!
349
00:14:57,692 --> 00:15:01,193
What part of "five-speed Schwinn
Stingray" are you not getting?!
350
00:15:01,195 --> 00:15:05,998
Are you -- and I'm being
serious here, are you insane?
351
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,367
Mmmmaybe some mild
post-traumatic stress disorder, but --
352
00:15:09,369 --> 00:15:10,935
But he drinks a lot, so--
So yeah,
353
00:15:10,937 --> 00:15:14,939
I think I've got a pretty
good handle on it.
354
00:15:14,941 --> 00:15:17,909
We don't even have your damn car!
355
00:15:17,911 --> 00:15:19,677
We steal drift cars!
356
00:15:19,679 --> 00:15:21,045
Imports only!
357
00:15:21,047 --> 00:15:23,781
Right-hand drive, duh.
358
00:15:23,783 --> 00:15:28,053
Okay, and why,
would I believe you?
359
00:15:28,055 --> 00:15:29,554
Why would I lie?
360
00:15:29,556 --> 00:15:32,890
Either way we're going to kill you!
361
00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:33,658
Oh.
362
00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:34,192
Right.
363
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:35,994
And if they don't, I'm going to.
364
00:15:35,996 --> 00:15:36,394
Wh-?
365
00:15:36,396 --> 00:15:37,629
How is this my fault?
366
00:15:37,631 --> 00:15:39,264
This is all my fault!
367
00:15:39,266 --> 00:15:43,802
I should've never gotten him that car,
it's that damn bicycle all over again!
368
00:15:43,804 --> 00:15:45,837
And who the hell taught
you how to drive?
369
00:15:45,839 --> 00:15:48,506
This guy I know, named...
My dead father.
370
00:15:48,508 --> 00:15:50,976
- Oh, I, er...
- Yeah.
371
00:15:50,978 --> 00:15:52,144
Bet you feel like a dick.
372
00:15:55,115 --> 00:15:58,850
No, because look, if this whole
thing is anybody's fault, it's -- Pam!
373
00:15:58,852 --> 00:15:59,651
What're you doing?
374
00:15:59,653 --> 00:16:02,553
What nothing!
375
00:16:02,555 --> 00:16:03,654
Aww, sh -- umpf!
376
00:16:03,656 --> 00:16:11,727
- Dammit...
- Fiiiiiire!
377
00:16:11,729 --> 00:16:13,229
Where are you going?
378
00:16:13,231 --> 00:16:14,596
How should I know?
379
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:19,834
Can't see shit, my car's shot to shit,
and I only had three shitty payments --
380
00:16:19,836 --> 00:16:21,269
Leeeffft!
381
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:21,636
What?
382
00:16:21,638 --> 00:16:25,273
Go left, dumbass!
383
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:25,974
Kuruma ni!
384
00:16:25,976 --> 00:16:29,610
To the cars!
385
00:16:29,612 --> 00:16:30,211
Move!
386
00:16:30,213 --> 00:16:31,245
The damn!
387
00:16:31,247 --> 00:16:32,046
Hood!
388
00:16:32,048 --> 00:16:36,184
- Okay, hang on...-
389
00:16:36,186 --> 00:16:37,652
How's that?
390
00:16:37,654 --> 00:16:38,786
Wagh!
391
00:16:38,788 --> 00:16:41,256
- Pam, if you do that again...
- What're ya gonna do,
392
00:16:41,258 --> 00:16:42,123
shoot my car?
393
00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:43,391
Lana's doing it too!
394
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:47,061
No she's -- God damn it!
395
00:16:47,063 --> 00:16:47,762
Sorry!
396
00:16:47,764 --> 00:16:48,763
Are you?
397
00:16:48,765 --> 00:16:50,164
Cyril here,
make yourself useful!
398
00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:52,367
I -- no, ya know what?
399
00:16:52,369 --> 00:16:52,801
No.
400
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:53,334
What?
401
00:16:53,336 --> 00:16:53,802
No!
402
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:59,006
The way I see it, we're
the bad guys here!
403
00:16:59,008 --> 00:17:00,341
They're the Yakuza!
404
00:17:00,343 --> 00:17:03,011
Who were minding their own business--
Of white
405
00:17:03,013 --> 00:17:04,545
slavery --
Don't qualify it.
406
00:17:04,547 --> 00:17:05,713
and stealing cars!
407
00:17:05,715 --> 00:17:06,915
Not yours!
408
00:17:06,917 --> 00:17:08,983
Well maybe not, but--
But you come in
409
00:17:08,985 --> 00:17:12,153
here, guns blazing, half-cocked
and, probably half-drunk --
410
00:17:12,155 --> 00:17:13,788
It's my birthday!
411
00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:16,090
Well happy freakin birthday!
412
00:17:16,092 --> 00:17:16,590
Thank you.
413
00:17:16,592 --> 00:17:19,393
Finally somebody
acknowledges my birthday.
414
00:17:19,395 --> 00:17:21,194
Shut up, because
now we're gonna die!
415
00:17:21,196 --> 00:17:32,773
Not if shiro kabocha can help it...
416
00:17:32,775 --> 00:17:35,875
Whoa! Pam, you're actually
pretty bad-ass at this.
417
00:17:35,877 --> 00:17:36,242
Duh!
418
00:17:36,244 --> 00:17:38,411
Why d'ya think they
call me shiro kabocha?
419
00:17:38,413 --> 00:17:40,212
Yeah what does
that mean, anyway?
420
00:17:40,214 --> 00:17:46,051
- The white shadow...
- No it doesn't!
421
00:17:46,053 --> 00:17:48,487
It means white pumpkin!
422
00:17:48,489 --> 00:17:48,854
Wh-?!
423
00:17:48,856 --> 00:17:50,356
- Aww, honey...
- Oh yeah?!
424
00:17:50,358 --> 00:17:52,191
Well I gotcher pumpkin hangin!
425
00:17:52,193 --> 00:17:54,193
Ew.
426
00:17:59,902 --> 00:18:02,470
Ya used-panty-vending
sonsabitches!
427
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,638
Shiro kabocha!
428
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:04,706
This is not over!
429
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,675
Yeah, we'll see about that.
430
00:18:06,677 --> 00:18:07,442
Gun, gimme.
431
00:18:07,444 --> 00:18:09,845
No, honey, let's just --
Shut up, gimme the gun.
432
00:18:09,847 --> 00:18:10,312
No.
433
00:18:10,314 --> 00:18:11,180
Give it!
434
00:18:11,182 --> 00:18:11,580
No!
435
00:18:11,582 --> 00:18:12,214
You're agitated!
436
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:15,585
No shit I'm agitated,
look at my car!
437
00:18:15,587 --> 00:18:16,853
At least you have one!
438
00:18:16,855 --> 00:18:19,923
And thanks to you we wasted all
night dicking around with the
439
00:18:19,925 --> 00:18:22,592
Yakuza, and I still don't
know who stole my frickin-
440
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:24,227
Motherrr!
441
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:26,328
Sterling Malory Archer...!
442
00:18:26,330 --> 00:18:27,496
I, uh, what're you doing here,
443
00:18:27,498 --> 00:18:29,698
did you not hear my outgoing voicemail?
444
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:32,867
Did you not hear me tell
you not to let your brand-new
445
00:18:32,869 --> 00:18:33,467
car get stolen?
446
00:18:33,469 --> 00:18:35,135
Thanks a lot, blabbermouth!
447
00:18:35,137 --> 00:18:37,104
She beat it out of me!
448
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,272
Stop it!
449
00:18:39,274 --> 00:18:41,507
But nooo, you didn't listen to me.
450
00:18:41,509 --> 00:18:42,742
And then you lied to me.
451
00:18:42,744 --> 00:18:45,511
And then you almost got
everyone killed, and --
452
00:18:45,513 --> 00:18:47,113
Almost nothing!
453
00:18:47,115 --> 00:18:50,216
I'll kill you all right now!
454
00:18:50,218 --> 00:18:51,151
Do you mind?
455
00:18:51,153 --> 00:18:52,719
I'm trying to parent!
456
00:18:53,655 --> 00:18:55,922
Wagh!
457
00:18:55,924 --> 00:18:57,256
That was for Pearl Harbor!
458
00:18:57,258 --> 00:18:58,725
Now where was I?
459
00:18:58,727 --> 00:19:00,860
Oh yes, and all because
you're irresponsible!
460
00:19:00,862 --> 00:19:03,329
No I'm -- well,
not with the car...
461
00:19:03,331 --> 00:19:06,199
Are you -- Sterling,
you left it unlocked in an
462
00:19:06,201 --> 00:19:08,434
unattended garage!
463
00:19:08,436 --> 00:19:11,170
- I don't, um...
- She took it.
464
00:19:11,172 --> 00:19:11,604
What?!
465
00:19:11,606 --> 00:19:14,073
Well, not me personally, I --
Why?
466
00:19:14,075 --> 00:19:15,241
Would you... do that?
467
00:19:15,243 --> 00:19:16,142
To teach you a lesson!
468
00:19:16,144 --> 00:19:17,043
About what?
469
00:19:17,045 --> 00:19:18,010
Life!
470
00:19:18,012 --> 00:19:21,280
Just like with that damn bicycle
when you were eight years old!
471
00:19:21,282 --> 00:19:25,185
- I don't, um...
- She took it.
472
00:19:25,187 --> 00:19:25,585
Wh-?
473
00:19:25,587 --> 00:19:26,553
You stole my bike?
474
00:19:26,555 --> 00:19:28,655
I came home from work,
and it was just lying on the
475
00:19:28,657 --> 00:19:33,426
sidewalk, and I thought "Oh,
this will teach him."
476
00:19:33,428 --> 00:19:36,929
- Stingray... five-speed...
- But so,
477
00:19:36,931 --> 00:19:41,201
did you talk to him about
responsibility when you gave it back?
478
00:19:41,203 --> 00:19:42,102
Gave it back?
479
00:19:43,605 --> 00:19:45,639
Well what kind of
lesson would that be?
480
00:19:45,641 --> 00:19:49,342
- Banana saddle... sissy bar...
- Oh my God, so...
481
00:19:49,344 --> 00:19:50,610
what about his car?
482
00:19:50,612 --> 00:19:52,144
- Jeannie...
- Mmmm.
483
00:19:52,146 --> 00:19:57,415
- I'm afraid it already has a new owner...
- Yeah,
484
00:19:57,417 --> 00:19:58,717
that's what I'm talking about.
485
00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:01,553
Thanks Dodge or whoever.
486
00:20:01,555 --> 00:20:04,055
Yes, my ass is everywhere.
487
00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:06,167
What are you lookin' at Sucker.
488
00:20:06,391 --> 00:20:16,932
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com