1 00:00:00,633 --> 00:00:03,625 Liz! Liz Lemon! 2 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:07,090 It's me, Thad. From college. 3 00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:08,391 I've had my skin tags removed 4 00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:09,642 since then so you can see my eyes now. 5 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,778 Oh, you ran the light board at the theater. 6 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:15,248 Everyone called you... Thad, no nickname. 7 00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:18,902 And you, you were the star The Sound of Music. 8 00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:21,120 Thank you, no everyone thinks of the young Nazi boy 9 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,355 as the star of that show. 10 00:00:22,373 --> 00:00:26,292 ♪ You are one age going on another age ♪ 11 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:30,046 ♪ what's going to happen next. 12 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:31,530 A lot of people didn't realize that was 13 00:00:31,549 --> 00:00:33,233 the free, unlicensed version. 14 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,468 Look, I know it's last minute, but I'm having 15 00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:38,371 an epic Leap Day party this afternoon. 16 00:00:38,389 --> 00:00:41,741 Wow, a daytime party celebrating Leap Day. 17 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:44,377 Sounds fun, but I have to work. 18 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:45,595 Hey, Liz, new Bluetooth? 19 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,513 No, I'm talking to someone. 20 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,048 Oh, I'm sorry. 21 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:51,017 I don't see people that look like that. 22 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,936 Sorry. 23 00:00:52,987 --> 00:00:54,938 Wow, that was this creep I went to college with. 24 00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:56,289 Such a nerd. 25 00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:58,191 And this is coming from someone who wrote lyrics 26 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:01,227 to the song the cantina band playsin Star Wars. 27 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,580 ♪ Figrin d'an the kloo horn man ♪ 28 00:01:03,614 --> 00:01:06,416 ♪ he's from clak'dor seven 29 00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:08,751 But, at least I don't throw Leap Day parties. 30 00:01:08,786 --> 00:01:11,754 Wait, that was Thad Warmald, the billionaire? 31 00:01:11,789 --> 00:01:14,540 No, that was sad Thad the skintag lad. 32 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,092 [Chuckles] I coined that. 33 00:01:16,126 --> 00:01:17,293 That name has been all over 34 00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,212 the gold digger message boards lately. 35 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,214 I don't know a lot about business, 36 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:24,017 but he did an Internet and now the computers like him 37 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:26,386 and Wall Street is Google. 38 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,021 Oh, my God. 39 00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:32,591 We are going to this party and you're introducing me to Thad. 40 00:01:32,610 --> 00:01:34,978 Liz, I'm on a sexual walkabout right now. 41 00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:36,595 I need to know if anything can 44 00:01:41,652 --> 00:01:43,970 What? How much Internet did he do? 45 00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:46,339 Poke your eye, pull your hair, you forgot what clothes to wear. 46 00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:47,991 What the hell? 47 00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:49,826 You're not wearing yellow and blue on Leap Day. 48 00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:52,111 So what? Leap Day is not a thing. 49 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:53,112 ♪ Leap Day William 50 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,180 ♪ Leap Day William 51 00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:56,282 ♪ bursting from the sea 52 00:01:56,300 --> 00:02:00,670 ♪ will he bring his bucket of sweets for mom and pop and me ♪ 53 00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,005 What the crap is going on in here? 54 00:02:02,056 --> 00:02:04,691 Why, Leap Day William is visiting. 55 00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:05,892 Leap Day William? 56 00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,560 Miss Lemon, did you not grow up 57 00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:08,861 with Leap Day William? 58 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,363 He lives in the Mariana trench. 59 00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,482 He emerges every four years 60 00:02:12,516 --> 00:02:14,984 to trade children's tears for candy? 61 00:02:15,019 --> 00:02:16,436 What? No. 62 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,438 But white haven was founded by the amish, 63 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,606 and we really only celebrated their holidays. 64 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,442 After high school, I went on rumspringa. 65 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,277 It was crazy. 66 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,679 I totally snuck into The Witches of Eastwick. 67 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,781 But where were you when we did this four years ago? 68 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,184 Certainly not at a Michael's crafts crafting cruise. 69 00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,503 Oh, miss Lemon, you are missing out. 70 00:02:33,537 --> 00:02:36,372 Every four years, you get a magical extra day. 71 00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:38,324 A day to do the things you ordinarily wouldn't do. 72 00:02:38,342 --> 00:02:39,325 To take chances! 73 00:02:39,343 --> 00:02:41,027 For instance, I am wearing 74 00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,996 a braided necklace with a shark's tooth on it. 75 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,831 I listened to rap music for the first time. 76 00:02:45,849 --> 00:02:46,999 Not a fan. 77 00:02:47,017 --> 00:02:48,201 And you and I are going to a party 78 00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:49,602 thrown by a billionaire. 79 00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:52,722 Come on, take a leap, Liz. 80 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:56,359 Okay, fine, I'll go, but if he has a giant chandelier 81 00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:57,510 in his house, I'm out. 82 00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:59,362 Those things fall. 83 00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:00,646 Waah, waah. 84 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,815 [All pretend to cry] 85 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:05,368 ♪ Leap Day William, Leap Day William ♪ 86 00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:06,386 [Exciting jazz music] 87 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:09,405 ♪ 88 00:03:18,086 --> 00:03:20,186 30 ROCK S06 Ep09 - Leap Day 89 00:03:20,279 --> 00:03:23,579 Sync and corrected by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com 90 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,471 [Knock on door] 91 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:26,806 Happy Leap Day, Lemon. 92 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,591 - Help yourself to some rhubarb. - Rhubarb? 93 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,676 Is white haven the only city in America 94 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,045 that doesn't celebrate Leap Day? 95 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:34,180 Oh, it's not such a big deal in Boston, either. 96 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,350 Just a Leap Day William parade, citywide ice maze 97 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,985 and, uh, we don't poke you in the eye 98 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,553 if you're not wearing yellow and blue. 99 00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:42,438 - We just, uh, stomp on your foot. - Ow! 100 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,407 Kick you in the knee, Yankees suck, go pats. 101 00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:45,992 I can't believe the woman who watches 102 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,394 all six pawn shop reality shows 103 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:51,080 has never seen the movie, Leap Dave Williams. 104 00:03:51,115 --> 00:03:52,898 I'm sorry, is Leap Dave Williams 105 00:03:52,916 --> 00:03:54,951 a play on Leap Day William? 106 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,953 It's a classic. Uptight lawyer Dave Williams 107 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,571 turns into the real Leap Day William 108 00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:00,840 after an ice fishing trip gone awry. 109 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:04,210 USA runs an all day marathon. 110 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,078 [Screams] 111 00:04:06,096 --> 00:04:08,114 Dave, is everything all right? 112 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:10,316 I definitely don't have gills. 113 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,584 I mean, nothing. 114 00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:13,953 I mean, yes. 115 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,155 Oh, my God, that's what Chris kept quoting this morning 116 00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:17,857 during our love... making. 117 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:20,309 New assistant reporting for duty. 118 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,994 Kenneth's filling in. 119 00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,129 Gabe's got the weak off. 120 00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:24,297 He's a mormon. 121 00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,465 You know how they are about Leap Day. 122 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,099 No, I don't, I don't know th... 123 00:04:27,117 --> 00:04:29,118 Ow, ah! 124 00:04:29,153 --> 00:04:30,736 Fine, I didn't wanna have to do this, 125 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,772 but I am wearing yellow and blue. 126 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,280 Kenneth, I'm hoping to find you a permanent position 127 00:04:41,298 --> 00:04:43,249 here at the company, but it's hard to take you seriously 128 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,817 when you're dressed like that. 129 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,469 I'm sorry, sir. 130 00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:48,504 I just get so excited spreading holiday cheer. 131 00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:50,840 Well, certainly you remember the joy that fills 132 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,292 a young boy's heart on the day of leap. 133 00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:55,394 Don't get me wrong, I love this holiday. 134 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:56,629 But do you know why? 135 00:04:56,647 --> 00:04:58,397 Oh, sir, I never know why. 136 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:01,067 Because it's an extra day to do business. 137 00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,202 A bonus profit opportunity. 138 00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:05,171 I have a bet with my business school roommates 139 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,472 every four years to see 140 00:05:06,490 --> 00:05:08,641 who can make the most money on Leap Day. 141 00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:11,694 And that is why I am announcing today that cable town is 142 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:16,082 purchasing Xaro, the 3-D Internet company. 143 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:19,252 It'll be like those Bible quotes are right in your face. 144 00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:21,921 Yes, now take off that bald cap, Kenneth. 145 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:22,988 We have a lot of work to do. 146 00:05:23,006 --> 00:05:25,391 Of course, take off my bald cap. 147 00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:28,427 Not put on my wig. 148 00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:35,134 Well, he's definitely rich. 149 00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,871 [Gasps] 150 00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,023 Oh... 151 00:05:41,058 --> 00:05:43,442 Look how lame this crowd is. 152 00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,945 Thad's been in his little nerd world for so long 153 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:49,248 and now he's peeping out of his shell like a... um, 154 00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:50,683 oh, what's that animal? 155 00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:53,402 You know, the one that crosses so slowly across the road 156 00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:56,055 and then you swerve to make sure you hit it and then a car 157 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:59,041 coming the other way swerves to avoid you and goes off a cliff. 158 00:05:59,076 --> 00:06:01,627 And then that night you and your companion have the greatest sex 159 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,563 of your lives because you're both sharing a secret. 160 00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:06,365 - It's a turtle, Jenna. - Yes, he's a turtle. 161 00:06:06,383 --> 00:06:07,717 And he's coming out of his shell 162 00:06:07,751 --> 00:06:09,168 for the first time. 163 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:12,205 And when he does, he's gonna see this. 164 00:06:15,726 --> 00:06:18,728 We really gotta get all the furniture out of here? 165 00:06:18,762 --> 00:06:20,396 My aquarium guy's coming to see about 166 00:06:20,430 --> 00:06:22,431 turning this whole room into an aquarium. 167 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:25,985 Begging the question: Who's really in the aquarium? 168 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,554 The fish or us? 169 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,156 Greetings, coworkers. 170 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,074 Uh, Mr. Donaghy would like to inform you that, 171 00:06:32,109 --> 00:06:35,027 "unfortunately due to the Obama worldwide recession, 172 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,530 "there will be no Leap Day bonuses this year. 173 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,916 "Mean laughter, sound of a drink being poured. 174 00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:42,568 "What are you writing now, you slack-jawed donkey? 175 00:06:42,586 --> 00:06:43,920 [Both grunt] 176 00:06:43,954 --> 00:06:45,204 What are all these letters, tray? 177 00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:46,789 It's just fan mail. 178 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,007 I mean, would you read a bunch of letters 179 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,176 from people who look up to me? 180 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:53,262 A $50,000 benihana gift card? 181 00:06:53,297 --> 00:06:55,715 Oh, right, I did an ad and insisted on 182 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,149 being paid in beni bucks. 183 00:06:57,184 --> 00:07:01,687 Oh, no sir, this card is only good through February 2012. 184 00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:04,390 Any other year it'd be march already. 185 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,492 But we found it today! 186 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,144 It's a Leap Day miracle! 187 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:09,962 Gentlemen, we have one day to eat 188 00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,648 $50,000 worth of Japanese food. 189 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:13,766 That's impossible. 190 00:07:13,784 --> 00:07:15,801 Nothing's impossible on Leap Day. 191 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,036 It's like I said in my cameo 192 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,788 appearance in Leap Dave Williams, 193 00:07:18,822 --> 00:07:22,658 "gimme your wallet, old man!" 194 00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:25,294 Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you 195 00:07:25,329 --> 00:07:27,146 to the future of Kabletown, 196 00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,848 the future of web-browsing, 197 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:31,017 and, quite frankly, the future. 198 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,053 Welcome to the age of 3-D Internet. 199 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,629 [Audience gasps] 200 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:46,799 Following an unintentionally racist press conference... 201 00:07:46,817 --> 00:07:48,567 Help us to "Whip" the competition. 202 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:49,802 Kabletown shares down sharply... 203 00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,171 Careful, sir, those leaves are poisonous. 204 00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,991 You know the saying, "rhubarb red, eat away, 205 00:07:55,025 --> 00:07:57,526 rhubarb green, don't eat them." 206 00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:59,478 Kenneth, I've watched newt gingrich eat a plate of ribs. 207 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,980 I think my stomach can handle some rhubarb leaves. 208 00:08:01,999 --> 00:08:04,250 Do you have any idea how long you'll be needing me today? 209 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,918 One of my birds is sick 210 00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,703 and I want to get home in time to baptize her. 211 00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:10,706 We're both staying here until I come up with an idea 212 00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:12,625 to turn this day around. 213 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,227 Now, would you watch a television show... 214 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,562 And I'm just spitballing here... 215 00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,164 Called spitball? 216 00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,499 Sir, Rebecca Birdstein needs me. 217 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:23,202 Kenneth, we all have to make sacrifices. 218 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,738 Watch this. 219 00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,973 Sherry, I'm afraid something has come up at work 220 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,375 and you'll have to stay late with Liddy. 221 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:33,112 Uh, just dab some scotch on your neck and make your eyes 222 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,514 the color of a winter crystal so she'll think you're me. 223 00:08:35,532 --> 00:08:37,283 Uh, thank you Sherry. 224 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:38,517 Good night. 225 00:08:38,535 --> 00:08:40,536 How many rooms are in... 226 00:08:44,041 --> 00:08:45,908 It's my, uh, d&d room. 227 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:49,195 The gaming table comes up out of the floor. 228 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,196 Table! 229 00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,731 [Wood creaks] 230 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:54,199 Frak, I'm supposed to say "floor" first. 231 00:08:54,217 --> 00:08:55,868 [Metal grinding and wood splintering] 232 00:08:55,886 --> 00:08:57,420 Forget it, damn it! 233 00:08:57,471 --> 00:08:58,888 [Whimpering sigh] 234 00:08:58,922 --> 00:09:02,808 - This is all for you, Liz. - What? 235 00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:06,045 I have been in love with you since college. 236 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,748 Watching you every night on that stage 237 00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:11,417 and realizing my dad was wrong. 238 00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:12,785 I do like girls. 239 00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:14,186 Oh, boy. Okay. 240 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,956 The party, the New York apartment, everything. 241 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:20,559 Do you know why I spun off Xaro and sold it to Kabletown? 242 00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:24,196 Just so I could accidentally run into you. 243 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,249 That is why it's called Xaro. 244 00:09:27,284 --> 00:09:31,287 In Game of Thrones, Xaro is a rich merchant prince 245 00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:37,743 who wishes to acquaint himself with the mother of dragons. 246 00:09:37,761 --> 00:09:41,847 Great, well... Scooby Doo! 247 00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:45,117 Liz, wait! $10 million! 248 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,720 I want you to take my virginity 249 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,121 on leap night 250 00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:51,924 for $10 million. 251 00:09:51,942 --> 00:09:53,109 Fine, 20. 252 00:09:53,143 --> 00:09:54,810 - No, Thad, I... - Don't answer yet. 253 00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:56,645 I mean, okay, unless you were gonna say yes. 254 00:09:56,696 --> 00:09:59,482 - No, you heard me say no. - Don't answer yet. 255 00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:01,267 Don't answer yet. 256 00:10:06,931 --> 00:10:09,933 Oh, come... [inhales]... on. 257 00:10:12,387 --> 00:10:13,720 Aah! 258 00:10:18,109 --> 00:10:20,110 Son of a glub. 259 00:10:24,532 --> 00:10:27,751 Mr. Jordan, you'll never spend all this by midnight. 260 00:10:27,785 --> 00:10:30,153 You appeared in that ad for nothing. 261 00:10:30,188 --> 00:10:31,822 Well the joke's on you because that 262 00:10:31,856 --> 00:10:35,242 commercial never aired for unexplained reasons. 263 00:10:35,293 --> 00:10:36,627 [Screams] 264 00:10:36,661 --> 00:10:38,695 I just touched the table again. 265 00:10:38,713 --> 00:10:40,797 Oh, God, you call for help! 266 00:10:40,832 --> 00:10:43,917 I'll just put my head on the table for a second. 267 00:10:43,968 --> 00:10:47,938 Now let's get started, bring us a bottle of your finest wine. 268 00:10:47,972 --> 00:10:49,039 Of course, Mr. Jordan. 269 00:10:49,073 --> 00:10:52,709 That will be $12. 270 00:10:52,744 --> 00:10:55,812 Hey, Liz. I can't find Thad. 271 00:10:55,847 --> 00:10:58,382 Thad just indecentproposal-ed me. 272 00:10:58,416 --> 00:11:00,767 One night, $20 million. 273 00:11:00,818 --> 00:11:03,820 Oh, my God, that's the gold digger's dream. 274 00:11:03,855 --> 00:11:05,055 - Where is he? - No, Jenna. 275 00:11:05,073 --> 00:11:06,256 You don't understand. 276 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,658 He's been in love with me since college. 277 00:11:07,692 --> 00:11:09,059 He only wants me. 278 00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:10,577 And you're still here. 279 00:11:10,612 --> 00:11:12,129 You're considering it. 280 00:11:12,163 --> 00:11:14,564 Liz, you know you're not doing this. 281 00:11:14,582 --> 00:11:16,833 I'm on a sexual walkabout. 282 00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:19,235 But you're a nice girl with a live-in boyfriend. 283 00:11:19,253 --> 00:11:22,439 Honey, I'm about to do something pretty... crazy. 284 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,874 You should. 285 00:11:23,908 --> 00:11:25,909 It's Leap Day. Real life is for march. 286 00:11:25,944 --> 00:11:27,644 No, just hear me out. 287 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:30,247 - Because if this doesn't work... - It doesn't matter. 288 00:11:30,281 --> 00:11:32,582 Nothing that happens on Leap Day counts. 289 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,552 Nothing that happens on Leap Day counts. 290 00:11:35,586 --> 00:11:38,922 Well, then, here goes nothing. 291 00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:40,457 Aah! 292 00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,476 [Water splashes] 293 00:11:45,196 --> 00:11:46,396 Hey, Liz, what's up? 294 00:11:46,431 --> 00:11:48,432 Criss, I'm about to do something pretty crazy. 295 00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:49,983 You should, it's Leap Day. 296 00:11:50,034 --> 00:11:52,202 - Real life is for march. - Oh, boy. 297 00:11:52,236 --> 00:11:54,621 No, hear me out, because this could really ruin... 298 00:11:54,656 --> 00:11:55,872 No, it doesn't matter. 299 00:11:55,907 --> 00:11:57,407 Nothing that happens on Leap Day counts. 300 00:11:57,442 --> 00:11:58,742 Hey, listen, I gotta run, 301 00:11:58,776 --> 00:12:02,212 but whatever it is, go for it. 302 00:12:02,246 --> 00:12:03,947 Oh, my. 303 00:12:03,982 --> 00:12:08,301 It looks like we've got a slut-off on our hands. 304 00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:11,454 We've only spent $6000. 305 00:12:11,472 --> 00:12:12,756 We should just give up. 306 00:12:12,790 --> 00:12:15,192 - Never. - We can't keep eating! 307 00:12:15,226 --> 00:12:17,661 Lutz's shirt button popped off and hit Cerie. 308 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,363 It counts as us touching. 309 00:12:19,397 --> 00:12:20,630 This is important. 310 00:12:20,648 --> 00:12:21,732 Everybody's always telling me 311 00:12:21,766 --> 00:12:23,400 not to get paid in gift cards. 312 00:12:23,434 --> 00:12:26,937 Angie, my lawyer, my imaginary friend, Dotcom. 313 00:12:26,971 --> 00:12:28,155 Tray, I'm real. 314 00:12:28,189 --> 00:12:29,506 I moved your furniture. 315 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,491 And, yeah, Leap Day has become too commercial. 316 00:12:31,526 --> 00:12:33,377 And people have forgotten what it really means, 317 00:12:33,411 --> 00:12:34,978 but I remember. 318 00:12:35,013 --> 00:12:38,248 One Leap Day when I was a kid, the Harlem River froze, 319 00:12:38,282 --> 00:12:41,651 and I decided to cross it carrying my brick collection. 320 00:12:41,669 --> 00:12:42,652 I told him not to. 321 00:12:42,687 --> 00:12:44,354 No one can hear you, Dotcom. 322 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,023 Then I fell through the ice. 323 00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:47,991 They still don't know who pulled me out. 324 00:12:48,026 --> 00:12:49,092 I did. 325 00:12:49,127 --> 00:12:51,395 Charlie Rangel gave me a medal. 326 00:12:51,429 --> 00:12:53,630 I like to think it was Leap Day William. 327 00:12:53,664 --> 00:12:55,198 You really believe in Leap Day William? 328 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:56,600 I used to. 329 00:12:56,634 --> 00:12:58,535 Then I tried to eat all this benihana. 330 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:01,138 Now I don't know anymore. 331 00:13:01,172 --> 00:13:03,306 I gotta take a walk. 332 00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:04,691 Do some thinking. 333 00:13:04,726 --> 00:13:06,610 But I can explain. 334 00:13:06,644 --> 00:13:08,862 I'm Leap Day Williams! [Cops laughing] 335 00:13:08,896 --> 00:13:11,448 No, really! 336 00:13:11,482 --> 00:13:13,183 Please, believe me. 337 00:13:13,201 --> 00:13:14,517 Have a little faith. 338 00:13:14,535 --> 00:13:16,486 Oh, boy. 339 00:13:16,521 --> 00:13:18,288 I'm getting sleepy. 340 00:13:18,322 --> 00:13:21,558 [Yawns] 341 00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,527 Wow, you're famous. 342 00:13:23,561 --> 00:13:25,028 I have screen grabs of all your nip s. 343 00:13:25,046 --> 00:13:26,630 [Both laugh] 344 00:13:26,664 --> 00:13:28,665 You know what, Thad? I was trying to remember. 345 00:13:28,699 --> 00:13:32,202 What was the dance that Rolf did for Liesl? 346 00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:33,904 Did it go like this? 347 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:37,557 Oh, yes. 348 00:13:37,592 --> 00:13:39,376 That's it. 349 00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:42,062 That's how Rolf danced. 350 00:13:42,096 --> 00:13:44,648 Mmm. 351 00:13:44,682 --> 00:13:49,853 Why don't you go and get me and Liz some drinks? 352 00:13:49,887 --> 00:13:52,072 Very well. 353 00:13:52,106 --> 00:13:55,108 Liz, a moment, please? 354 00:13:57,111 --> 00:13:59,696 If you're really gonna do this, you better get a move on. 355 00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:01,564 Right now, there are models waking up 356 00:14:01,582 --> 00:14:04,117 from their coke binges, multi-ethnic bartenders 357 00:14:04,168 --> 00:14:06,620 with daddy issues, former ballerinas who had to quit 358 00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:08,271 because their boobs got too big. 359 00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,574 They're gonna hear about the horny billionaire, 360 00:14:10,608 --> 00:14:13,510 and Thad's gonna forget all about his little crush. 361 00:14:13,544 --> 00:14:15,879 They're coming Liz. Click click. 362 00:14:15,913 --> 00:14:18,932 That's their stilettos. 363 00:14:18,966 --> 00:14:21,268 Click click. 364 00:14:21,302 --> 00:14:23,320 Sir? 365 00:14:23,354 --> 00:14:25,755 Sir, you don't look so good. 366 00:14:25,790 --> 00:14:27,491 You shouldn't have eaten those rhubarb leaves. 367 00:14:27,525 --> 00:14:29,459 I can't be sick. 368 00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,394 I won't lose money on Leap Day. 369 00:14:31,428 --> 00:14:34,430 I'm just gonna rest a second. 370 00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:41,037 Please get better, sir. 371 00:14:41,072 --> 00:14:43,073 I've dug too many graves. 372 00:14:48,963 --> 00:14:51,447 Why the long face, son? 373 00:14:51,465 --> 00:14:53,783 I do have a long, elegant face, thank you, 374 00:14:53,801 --> 00:14:56,987 but I can't enjoy your compliment, because I'm sad. 375 00:14:57,021 --> 00:15:00,456 I'm starting to think Leap Day William isn't even real. 376 00:15:00,474 --> 00:15:02,676 I reckon you may be right. 377 00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:06,663 Leap Day William's probably just a tall tale told to kids 378 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,464 to help sell candy. 379 00:15:08,482 --> 00:15:12,185 But this old fool still believes he exists, 380 00:15:12,236 --> 00:15:14,971 right here, inside all of us. 381 00:15:14,989 --> 00:15:17,140 I am always coughing up blood. 382 00:15:17,175 --> 00:15:19,943 Could that be Leap Day William trying to get out? 383 00:15:19,977 --> 00:15:23,997 Might could be, but I think if he were here right now, 384 00:15:24,031 --> 00:15:25,916 Leap Day William would tell you 385 00:15:25,950 --> 00:15:29,870 everything's gonna be all right, Tracy, 386 00:15:29,921 --> 00:15:33,557 as long as you remember where you come from. 387 00:15:33,591 --> 00:15:35,325 Thanks. 388 00:15:35,359 --> 00:15:36,660 Nice costume, by the way. 389 00:15:36,694 --> 00:15:39,696 Right, costume. 390 00:15:44,602 --> 00:15:47,520 So, what should we do now? 391 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,739 Stop pressuring me. 392 00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:52,342 What are you? An intercourse monster? 393 00:15:52,376 --> 00:15:55,478 I'm sorry. I'm nervous. 394 00:15:55,512 --> 00:16:00,016 Is sex like when the Na'vi intertwine their hair braids? 395 00:16:00,051 --> 00:16:01,384 Sure. 396 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:05,088 Yeah, Thad, that's exactly what it's like. 397 00:16:05,122 --> 00:16:06,907 Okay, look, if we're gonna do this, 398 00:16:06,958 --> 00:16:09,209 we kinda need to do it now, okay, before... 399 00:16:09,243 --> 00:16:10,293 [Stilettos click] 400 00:16:10,328 --> 00:16:12,329 Oh, no. 401 00:16:14,031 --> 00:16:16,700 Aw, damn it. Hot bitches. 402 00:16:18,773 --> 00:16:20,073 Wake up, sir! 403 00:16:20,077 --> 00:16:22,094 Wake up. 404 00:16:23,847 --> 00:16:25,965 What is this? 405 00:16:25,999 --> 00:16:27,299 Kenneth, is that me? 406 00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,535 Oh, I'm not Kenneth. 407 00:16:29,569 --> 00:16:31,520 I'm the spirit of Leap Day. 408 00:16:31,555 --> 00:16:34,707 Welcome to your Leap Day past. 409 00:16:34,741 --> 00:16:37,243 Jackie, we can't go to the parade today. 410 00:16:37,277 --> 00:16:42,748 I got called into work... at the hospital... where I'm a nurse. 411 00:16:42,783 --> 00:16:45,317 Why are you showing me this? 412 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:46,652 This is the kind of adversity 413 00:16:46,686 --> 00:16:48,821 that made me the man I am today. 414 00:16:48,855 --> 00:16:50,656 Good. Cry. 415 00:16:50,690 --> 00:16:52,858 Let your sadness form a hole inside you 416 00:16:52,893 --> 00:16:54,293 that can only be filled with money. 417 00:16:54,327 --> 00:16:57,329 Of course we're going to the parade today, Jackie. 418 00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:59,432 But you can't have candy and cigarettes 419 00:16:59,466 --> 00:17:01,200 without a few tears first. 420 00:17:01,218 --> 00:17:02,668 How did I forget this part? 421 00:17:02,702 --> 00:17:04,770 And when did we stop giving children cigarettes? 422 00:17:04,805 --> 00:17:06,922 It's the liberal war on Leap Day. 423 00:17:06,973 --> 00:17:10,176 It's time to go, Mr. Donaghy. 424 00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:14,480 Welcome to Leap Day present. 425 00:17:14,514 --> 00:17:16,449 Okay, I'll change me eye color, 426 00:17:16,483 --> 00:17:18,984 but it seem like a waste of voodoo. 427 00:17:19,019 --> 00:17:22,571 Good night, Mr. Donaghy. 428 00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,123 Sorry, baby. 429 00:17:24,157 --> 00:17:26,358 Daddy not coming home tonight because of work. 430 00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:28,244 It's a good lesson. 431 00:17:28,278 --> 00:17:30,162 This will help her in life. 432 00:17:30,197 --> 00:17:33,199 Are you sure? 433 00:17:33,233 --> 00:17:34,900 Welcome to the future. 434 00:17:34,935 --> 00:17:36,902 Five leap days from now. 435 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:37,903 That's Liddy. 436 00:17:37,938 --> 00:17:40,706 I assume this is her horse stable 437 00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:43,776 and that she's hammering that nail as a funny joke. 438 00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:44,877 No, Mr. Donaghy. 439 00:17:44,911 --> 00:17:47,313 She's doing habitat for humanity. 440 00:17:47,347 --> 00:17:49,348 After you missed all her leap days, 441 00:17:49,382 --> 00:17:51,784 she started experimenting with liberalism. 442 00:17:51,818 --> 00:17:53,919 That's not her. It can't be. 443 00:17:53,954 --> 00:17:55,754 What have you done with my daughter? 444 00:17:55,772 --> 00:17:57,106 Where is Liddy? 445 00:17:57,140 --> 00:17:59,692 [Yelps] She's at home, sir. 446 00:17:59,726 --> 00:18:02,695 With the nanny. 447 00:18:02,729 --> 00:18:03,929 There's still time. 448 00:18:03,947 --> 00:18:06,431 Kenneth, I want you to go to citarella 449 00:18:06,449 --> 00:18:08,317 and buy the biggest rhubarb there is. 450 00:18:08,368 --> 00:18:09,768 The one that's as big as me, sir? 451 00:18:09,786 --> 00:18:11,603 That's the one. 452 00:18:11,621 --> 00:18:15,440 But first, you take Rebecca Birdstein to the vet. 453 00:18:15,458 --> 00:18:16,742 What a Mitzvah. 454 00:18:16,776 --> 00:18:18,577 Merry Leap Day, sir. 455 00:18:18,611 --> 00:18:20,462 Merry Leap Day to us all! 456 00:18:20,497 --> 00:18:21,881 [All giggling] 457 00:18:21,915 --> 00:18:23,966 Liz, why don't you go and... 458 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,384 Get you and Karolina some drinks? 459 00:18:25,418 --> 00:18:26,785 Okay, fine. 460 00:18:26,803 --> 00:18:29,805 Looks like this time the male will be in the Czech. 461 00:18:29,839 --> 00:18:33,592 That kind of wit is a thing she will never give you. 462 00:18:33,626 --> 00:18:36,962 Hey, Liz, a gym teacher on a sex tour of Indonesia called. 463 00:18:36,997 --> 00:18:38,764 He wants his shirt back. 464 00:18:38,798 --> 00:18:41,166 Okay, that's solid, Kurkova. 465 00:18:41,201 --> 00:18:43,819 That's a good burn. 466 00:18:43,853 --> 00:18:46,822 What was that old man trying to tell me? 467 00:18:46,856 --> 00:18:50,576 What am I gonna do with all this free food? 468 00:18:50,610 --> 00:18:51,827 Remember where I came from. 469 00:18:51,861 --> 00:18:55,114 But we all came from the sea. Sea? 470 00:18:55,148 --> 00:18:58,000 Like the letter "C", which is part of the alphabet. 471 00:18:58,034 --> 00:19:00,419 Alphabet soup. 472 00:19:00,453 --> 00:19:02,855 Soup kitchen. 473 00:19:02,889 --> 00:19:05,457 - Kitchen... - No, no, don't keep going. 474 00:19:05,491 --> 00:19:07,593 The kitchen debate with Richard Nixon. 475 00:19:07,627 --> 00:19:09,328 Richard M. Nixon. 476 00:19:09,362 --> 00:19:11,030 The M-train. 477 00:19:11,064 --> 00:19:13,399 Soul train. 478 00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:16,001 Chicken soup for the soul. 479 00:19:16,036 --> 00:19:18,137 Chicken soup. 480 00:19:18,171 --> 00:19:21,840 Soup kitchen. 481 00:19:21,858 --> 00:19:24,860 This is a Leap Day miracle! 482 00:19:26,679 --> 00:19:28,814 Merry Leap Day, tourists. 483 00:19:28,848 --> 00:19:33,285 Merry Leap Day, closeted gay guys meeting in the city. 484 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,988 ♪ God bless you on this Leap Day fair ♪ 485 00:19:36,022 --> 00:19:38,707 ♪ a calm wind and the ocean air ♪ 486 00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:39,792 Really? 487 00:19:39,826 --> 00:19:41,526 Seriously 20 million bucks? 488 00:19:41,544 --> 00:19:43,662 I would sleep with Thad Warmald for that. 489 00:19:43,696 --> 00:19:44,797 Couldn't go through with it. 490 00:19:44,831 --> 00:19:46,131 You know, I just kept seeing your face. 491 00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:47,399 Also, I have too much dignity. 492 00:19:47,434 --> 00:19:49,051 Mmm, so another woman? 493 00:19:49,085 --> 00:19:50,669 - Victoria's secret model. - Oh. 494 00:19:50,703 --> 00:19:53,705 Feast, homeless, feast! 495 00:19:56,142 --> 00:19:58,927 [Hand sizzles] 496 00:19:58,979 --> 00:20:01,347 I saved Leap Day! 497 00:20:01,381 --> 00:20:04,383 And connected with my son! 498 00:20:04,401 --> 00:20:07,719 And I solved the big case from earlier! 499 00:20:07,737 --> 00:20:10,823 Merry Leap Day, everybody! 500 00:20:10,857 --> 00:20:13,025 Hey! Take a leap, pal! 501 00:20:13,059 --> 00:20:15,394 That's the spirit! 502 00:20:15,412 --> 00:20:17,763 ♪ Leap Day magic's all around ♪ 503 00:20:17,797 --> 00:20:20,732 ♪ as Leap Day William comes to town ♪ 504 00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:24,670 Happy Leap Day, sweetheart. 505 00:20:24,704 --> 00:20:26,271 Yes! 506 00:20:26,306 --> 00:20:28,607 ♪ He knows when you are bad or good ♪ 507 00:20:28,642 --> 00:20:30,959 ♪ he knows when you're asleep ♪ 508 00:20:31,011 --> 00:20:33,078 ♪ he knows... Oh, my God, behind you! 509 00:20:35,137 --> 00:20:38,582 Well, I guess we all learned something tonight 510 00:20:38,583 --> 00:20:40,488 about love and friendship, 511 00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,054 about taking chances, 512 00:20:42,055 --> 00:20:44,811 about the true meaning of Leap Day. 513 00:20:44,822 --> 00:20:48,325 But, these lessons aren't good just for every four years. 514 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:50,560 No. They're good every year. 515 00:20:50,595 --> 00:20:53,997 Because we should live every day 516 00:20:54,031 --> 00:20:57,134 as if it's Leap Day, and every Leap Day 517 00:20:57,168 --> 00:20:59,286 as if it's your last. 518 00:20:59,337 --> 00:21:03,039 Oh, and if you should ever see an old man in a blue suit 519 00:21:03,074 --> 00:21:05,292 busting out of the middle of the ocean, 520 00:21:05,343 --> 00:21:07,410 take the time to say howdy. 521 00:21:07,428 --> 00:21:10,747 It might just be worth your while. 522 00:21:10,765 --> 00:21:12,749 [Growls] 523 00:21:13,295 --> 00:21:16,795 Sync and corrected by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com