1
00:00:06,230 --> 00:00:08,670
God, Chelsea, how can you
always make more tips than me?
2
00:00:08,670 --> 00:00:10,350
Because I'm nicer
than you are.
3
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,560
And because you always act like
you're better than everyone else.
4
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,090
It's not an act.
5
00:00:15,980 --> 00:00:17,600
All right, guys,
drinks are on me.
6
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,710
Oh, yeah!
Whoo!
7
00:00:19,050 --> 00:00:21,920
Dudes. Look,
it's the iron pigs.
8
00:00:22,860 --> 00:00:25,040
Are you sure
it's not Menudo?
9
00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:30,440
No, they're the triple a baseball
affiliate of the Philadelphia Phillies.
10
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:32,360
Triple A?
That's my bra size.
11
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,840
That's my battery size.
12
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:37,680
Sweetie, those
iron pigs are heroes.
13
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:39,440
- They beat the Yankees.
- Really?
14
00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,530
Well, the Yankees
minor league team.
15
00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:44,460
The way I was raised,
anyone who beats the Yankees...
16
00:00:44,470 --> 00:00:45,950
Is family!
17
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,350
That's my girl.
18
00:00:48,410 --> 00:00:50,830
Well, it's the only actual
lesson you taught me as a kid.
19
00:00:51,470 --> 00:00:52,440
Chelsea!
20
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,480
Don't you ever
play with fire.
21
00:00:55,450 --> 00:00:57,600
But I was going to burn this.
22
00:00:59,070 --> 00:01:01,110
That's my girl!
23
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,370
Hey, iron pigs.
24
00:01:05,370 --> 00:01:06,820
Congrats on your big win.
25
00:01:07,180 --> 00:01:09,490
Wow. I mean,
it's got to be my day.
26
00:01:09,550 --> 00:01:11,190
I hit a game-winning
grand slam,
27
00:01:11,190 --> 00:01:13,860
and now I have a beautiful woman
about to bring me dinner.
28
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:15,450
That's sweet.
29
00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:17,620
Seriously, what do you want?
I don't have all day.
30
00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:20,900
I want you
to dance with me.
31
00:01:21,470 --> 00:01:23,420
Oh, I can't dance,
I'm working.
32
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:25,700
Oh, come on, you dance all
the time while you're working.
33
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:28,040
Jerry loves it when
the waitresses dance.
34
00:01:29,020 --> 00:01:30,600
I'm such a yenta.
35
00:01:32,670 --> 00:01:35,120
Hey, brother, do you have
any salsa music back there?
36
00:01:35,140 --> 00:01:36,770
Ah, I don't know, man.
That's not really our usual...
37
00:01:36,770 --> 00:01:38,180
Yes, see,
we don't have any.
38
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:40,080
But if it's going
to embarrass Chelsea somehow,
39
00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:41,630
I will make it happen.
40
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,110
I am not a great
salsa dancer.
41
00:01:44,110 --> 00:01:45,980
All you have to worry about
is following my lead.
44
00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:56,370
And I bet he could
go forever in bed
45
00:01:56,370 --> 00:01:58,650
because all he thinks
about is baseball.
46
00:02:00,350 --> 00:02:01,750
I think the problem is
47
00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:03,740
that you've never been
with the right lead.
48
00:02:03,970 --> 00:02:05,650
Yeah, that's
what every guy
49
00:02:05,650 --> 00:02:07,180
and a couple of
lesbians have told me.
50
00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:12,470
Damn, he's good.
51
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,140
Wow.
52
00:02:14,390 --> 00:02:15,850
If I was
10 years younger,
53
00:02:15,850 --> 00:02:18,240
I'd be very confused
right now.
54
00:02:26,990 --> 00:02:29,850
01x08 - Those Damn Yankees
55
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,860
Sync & edit: Rafael_UPD & 2be_real
www.addic7ed.com
56
00:02:36,870 --> 00:02:38,490
Are you throwing darts,
at the Yankees?
57
00:02:38,790 --> 00:02:40,800
Yeah. That's how we
celebrate opening day.
58
00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:45,670
I nailed jeter.
59
00:02:45,980 --> 00:02:48,350
Nice! You got 'em
right in the a-rod!
60
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,940
All right, come on, you guys.
Nikki's a Yankees fan.
61
00:02:51,940 --> 00:02:53,810
Thank you, Rick.
They're just jealous
62
00:02:53,830 --> 00:02:55,560
because the Yankees
are winners.
63
00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:58,990
And if a man doesn't work out,
they just buy a new one.
64
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,130
I hate the Yankees so much,
65
00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:03,140
I won't even buy
a Yankee candle.
66
00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:05,870
Ooh, let me guess...
You're a Sox fan.
67
00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:07,200
That's right.
68
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,960
Born and raised
in Boston.
69
00:03:08,990 --> 00:03:10,490
But I also root
for the Mets,
70
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:12,100
because they hate
the Yankees, too.
71
00:03:13,220 --> 00:03:14,780
Yeah, this bar
is Mets territory.
72
00:03:14,950 --> 00:03:17,140
How can you say that 30 Miles
from Yankee stadium?
73
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,880
I try not to think about that.
74
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:24,000
My father was an Usher
at Fenway park for 34 summers,
75
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,700
and he loved every day of it,
76
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,560
except when the Yankees
came to town.
77
00:03:27,730 --> 00:03:30,270
Those fans would abuse
everyone who worked there.
78
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,300
I still remember
my old man coming home,
79
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:35,450
spit all over his uniform,
exhausted,
80
00:03:35,450 --> 00:03:37,730
dehydrated.
- Dehydrated?
81
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:39,960
Yeah, well, he was
spitting back at them.
82
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:43,940
Ok, listen,
Chelsea's dad.
83
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,840
My grandmother Tess
is an angry old person, too.
84
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,540
But I've learned
to tolerate her nastiness
85
00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:51,180
by surrounding her
with a white light
86
00:03:51,180 --> 00:03:53,890
and picturing her
with a more appealing face.
87
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,030
And I'm going to do
the same to you...
88
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:57,810
Ryan Gosling.
89
00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:00,130
Interesting philosophy.
90
00:04:00,430 --> 00:04:01,940
Namaste.
91
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,340
It's Tommy.
92
00:04:07,870 --> 00:04:10,130
- Did you just flip your hair?
- No!
93
00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:11,820
But you are
putting on lip gloss.
94
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:13,690
I also hedged
the runway,
95
00:04:13,690 --> 00:04:15,030
do you want
to talk about it?
96
00:04:16,530 --> 00:04:17,450
Hey, Tommy.
97
00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:18,370
Hey, babes.
98
00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:20,260
Hey, you know,
this one may stick.
99
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,630
It's already been
two weeks.
100
00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:22,850
Yeah, I know.
101
00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:25,860
What, that's like two
years for you and me.
102
00:04:27,030 --> 00:04:28,730
Has it really
been that long...
103
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,070
Darling?
104
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,580
Hey, dad.
You remember Tommy.
105
00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:36,220
- Yes! - Hey, how you
doing, sir? How are you?
106
00:04:36,220 --> 00:04:38,790
Hi, son. I think it's time
we have a little chit-chat.
107
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,770
Oh, absolutely, sir.
I just want you to know
108
00:04:40,770 --> 00:04:42,310
you don't have to worry
about your daughter.
109
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,000
I was raised
to respect women.
110
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:45,780
Yeah, whatever. Listen.
111
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,590
What I need
to talk to you about
112
00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:51,880
is my High School
baseball career.
113
00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:54,330
I have a few anecdotes
I'd like to share with you.
114
00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:55,500
Three are funny,
115
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,950
then one seems funny
but later you'll be troubled.
116
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:01,740
Sorry.
117
00:05:03,490 --> 00:05:05,440
You know, you better be
careful with him, Chels.
118
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,530
Professional athletes
are notorious dogs.
119
00:05:07,620 --> 00:05:11,570
Hmm. Are they worse than,
random example, bartenders?
120
00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,660
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Baseball players,
121
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:15,780
they have women lined up
in motel parking lots.
122
00:05:15,810 --> 00:05:17,140
Oh, they form lines?
123
00:05:17,140 --> 00:05:19,430
God, baseball sluts
are so polite.
124
00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:22,490
Hey, Rick, I want to
buy Melvin a beer.
125
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:25,640
Actually, Melvin wants me
to buy Melvin a beer.
126
00:05:26,530 --> 00:05:27,370
There you go, man.
127
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:29,090
Hey, um, question.
128
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:30,900
When's the next time
you go on the road?
129
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:32,770
Three days.
130
00:05:32,850 --> 00:05:33,940
Three days?
131
00:05:33,940 --> 00:05:36,750
Yeah. Oh, I thought I told you.
Yeah, just for a couple of weeks.
132
00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:39,010
Yeah? So where do you guys
stay when you're on the road?
133
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:40,290
Motels.
134
00:05:40,870 --> 00:05:42,290
Motels?
135
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,520
Bet they have
parking lots.
136
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,510
Yeah. Parking lots.
No vacancy signs.
137
00:05:48,510 --> 00:05:49,820
The works.
138
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,320
The works, huh?
139
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,690
I have heard
about the works.
140
00:05:56,810 --> 00:05:57,950
Did he play ball?
141
00:05:58,340 --> 00:05:59,760
Um, no. Why?
142
00:06:00,710 --> 00:06:03,020
I just thought he might
have gotten hit in the head.
143
00:06:09,260 --> 00:06:10,900
What are you
guys doing?
144
00:06:10,930 --> 00:06:12,380
We're trying
to start a trend.
145
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,890
And if it doesn't work,
I'll eat my hat.
146
00:06:17,140 --> 00:06:18,870
We're also trying
to bring back that phrase.
147
00:06:20,730 --> 00:06:22,540
We got really bored today.
148
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,080
You guys, I just found out
that Tommy is going on the road.
149
00:06:27,310 --> 00:06:30,200
Oh, that must be so much fun
for the team, seeing America.
150
00:06:30,260 --> 00:06:31,850
I've only been to New York
and New Jersey.
151
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:32,710
Really?
152
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,020
You wouldn't know it
'cause I feel like
153
00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:36,530
I've been all around
the world with Matt Lauer.
154
00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:41,570
Hey, are you worried about Tommy
hooking up while he's gone?
155
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:42,740
I think I am.
156
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,720
I think somebody's
falling for somebody.
157
00:06:46,830 --> 00:06:49,560
Oh, you're somebody
and he's the other somebody.
158
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:51,210
I don't know.
159
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:53,100
I mean,
usually I can't stand alpha males.
160
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,800
But Tommy is so good at it.
161
00:06:54,940 --> 00:06:57,450
And I just follow along
and it's fantastic.
162
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,370
But following is so
not me but I love it.
163
00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:01,150
But it's not me.
But I love it.
164
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:03,570
My body hurts.
165
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:06,470
My dad used to say, leave
the following to the Methodists.
166
00:07:06,470 --> 00:07:07,700
Am I right, ladies?
167
00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:13,370
You know, Chelsea,
if you're worried about Tommy,
168
00:07:13,370 --> 00:07:15,470
why don't you just tell him
you want to be exclusive?
169
00:07:15,490 --> 00:07:17,220
No, that would be
so embarrassing.
170
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,390
I would rather...
171
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,650
Eat my hat.
172
00:07:22,290 --> 00:07:23,540
It's catching on!
173
00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:27,000
You know what,
Chelsea,
174
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,310
you can't always
be the cool one.
175
00:07:28,310 --> 00:07:29,700
Sometimes you have
to be the dork.
176
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:30,760
She's right.
177
00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:32,290
I know you
can put out,
178
00:07:32,290 --> 00:07:34,600
but can you put
your heart out... there?
179
00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:38,840
Wow, you really aren't
afraid of being a dork.
180
00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:42,490
Didn't you just fall in
love with me a little bit?
181
00:07:43,490 --> 00:07:45,350
You had me at "put out".
182
00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,840
Ok, so what can I
get you? Do you want a...
183
00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:53,520
bloody Mary or
a grilled cheese?
184
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:54,990
I'll take both.
185
00:07:56,380 --> 00:07:57,860
Ok, but I've got
to warn you...
186
00:07:57,860 --> 00:08:00,730
If you dip the grilled cheese
in the bloody Mary,
187
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,290
you won't be able
to eat anything else
188
00:08:02,290 --> 00:08:03,570
for at least
a year and a half.
189
00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:06,800
I'm going to miss you.
190
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:07,920
Oh, me, too.
191
00:08:09,510 --> 00:08:11,010
So...
192
00:08:11,870 --> 00:08:13,990
What are you going to do
while you're on the road?
193
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,500
Play baseball.
194
00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:22,070
No, I mean, like,
after the games.
195
00:08:22,930 --> 00:08:24,800
What are you
asking me, Chelsea?
196
00:08:25,990 --> 00:08:28,640
Look, this might
sound kind of gushy,
197
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,590
but,..
198
00:08:30,650 --> 00:08:33,770
Could you just not bang other
girls while you're on the road?
199
00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:37,330
I don't want you coming back
with any diseases.
200
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:41,400
So romantic,
Chelsea.
201
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,430
Shut up.
202
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:46,330
Look...
203
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,200
Even if you...
204
00:08:50,060 --> 00:08:51,790
Even if you didn't
say anything,
205
00:08:52,590 --> 00:08:54,380
I don't want
to see anybody else.
206
00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:56,270
Really?
207
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:57,500
Really.
208
00:08:58,610 --> 00:09:00,450
God, you're such a girl.
209
00:09:06,830 --> 00:09:07,750
Hi, Rick.
210
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,470
Top of the morning
to you.
211
00:09:09,470 --> 00:09:10,480
Oh.
212
00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:13,210
Did you, uh,
pork a leprechaun?
213
00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:15,960
No.
214
00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:18,860
And I can't, 'cause I'm
exclusive... with Tommy.
215
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,870
With just guys named Tommy
216
00:09:21,870 --> 00:09:23,760
or like that
particular Tommy?
217
00:09:24,770 --> 00:09:27,690
Wait, did I just hear that Chelsea
has an actual boyfriend?
218
00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:29,780
Yes, and I'm very happy,
so there's nothing
219
00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:31,700
either of you could say
to bring me down.
220
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,790
No, the old me would
have pointed out
221
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:36,350
how little money minor
league baseball players make.
222
00:09:36,350 --> 00:09:39,030
Which is actually
very little.
223
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,730
I'm picturing...
224
00:09:42,730 --> 00:09:45,460
Betty White.
225
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:48,110
Hey, that does work.
226
00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:50,830
- Oh, Rick.
- Yeah.
227
00:09:50,870 --> 00:09:52,680
Can I please leave
a little early today?
228
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,210
I have to drive
my grandmother to the hospital
229
00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:56,550
for a procedure.
And I hate hospitals.
230
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,330
You were going
to marry a doctor.
231
00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:00,040
Yeah, but guess what,
232
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,480
I wasn't going to live
at the hospital.
233
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,600
Uh, listen, Nikks, yeah.
234
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,760
I mean, I'll come along
for moral support if you want.
235
00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:09,280
- Really?
- Yeah, sure.
236
00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:11,420
I am so fortunat
237
00:10:11,420 --> 00:10:14,460
that you are on my journey.
238
00:10:14,930 --> 00:10:17,330
You're still trying to wiggle
it in there, aren't you?
239
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:19,530
What, come on,
can't a guy
240
00:10:19,530 --> 00:10:21,120
just like hang out
at a hospital
241
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,120
waiting for
an 80-year-old
242
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,100
without it being all...
sexual.
243
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,630
Wiggling, my friend.
244
00:10:28,550 --> 00:10:29,750
Wiggling.
245
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,310
Hey, Chelsea.
246
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:33,960
Hey!
247
00:10:34,620 --> 00:10:36,020
I thought you left.
248
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:38,440
Yeah, I'm not going
on the road.
249
00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:40,060
Why, what happened?
250
00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:42,670
I got traded.
I got called up to the majors!
251
00:10:42,670 --> 00:10:45,070
Oh, my God,
that is awesome!
252
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,360
Yeah! I'm playing
for the Yankees.
253
00:10:56,210 --> 00:10:58,770
I can't believe I finally
meet this amazing guy,
254
00:10:58,870 --> 00:11:00,700
and he's playing
for the wrong team.
255
00:11:03,820 --> 00:11:04,960
I know what that means.
256
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,490
I work in a flower shop.
257
00:11:08,610 --> 00:11:10,530
So what are you going to do?
Are you going to break up with him?
258
00:11:10,530 --> 00:11:12,000
Why would she
break up with him?
259
00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:14,960
She hates the Yankees
as much as her dad does.
260
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,070
The only things my dad
hated were pontius pilot
261
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:19,000
and when children spoke
after 7:00 P.M.
262
00:11:20,570 --> 00:11:23,170
Chelsea, you have to decide
if this is a deal breaker.
263
00:11:23,170 --> 00:11:25,010
My normal deal
breakers are like...
264
00:11:25,290 --> 00:11:26,810
If a guy has bigger
nipples than mine.
265
00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:28,630
- Oh, I hate that.
- Right?
266
00:11:28,690 --> 00:11:32,090
Or if he only has hair on
his nipples but nowhere else.
267
00:11:32,370 --> 00:11:34,430
Or if his nipples
are too far apart.
268
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,380
And those are just
the ones about nipples.
269
00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:39,440
I have other ones, too.
270
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:41,890
Can you stop
saying "nipples"?
271
00:11:41,890 --> 00:11:43,090
I'm getting itchy.
272
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,240
My biggest deal breaker
is if a guy assumes
273
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,800
I'm going to do his dry
cleaning just because I'm Asian.
274
00:11:50,190 --> 00:11:52,760
Chelsea, it doesn't seem like
baseball should be that big a deal.
275
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,180
It's just baseball.
276
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,600
Just baseball?
277
00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:58,600
That's like saying,
just America,
278
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,330
or just naked black guys
in a really good mood.
279
00:12:06,930 --> 00:12:09,080
Ok, let me put this in terms
that you'll understand.
280
00:12:09,110 --> 00:12:10,860
It's like if
someone said,
281
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,700
it's just "Twilight".
282
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,480
No one would
say that.
283
00:12:15,790 --> 00:12:18,910
And then, all of a sudden they switch
from team Edward to team Jacob.
284
00:12:19,050 --> 00:12:21,560
Well, that's just stupid.
I mean, a wolf?
285
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,870
That would be it for you, right?
You'd dump the guy.
286
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,600
Well, it'd be
a hard decision,
287
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,020
but in the long run, I'd try
to get past that difference.
288
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,300
I mean, how many
people do you find in life
289
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:31,720
that you
really care about?
290
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:32,980
You know what,
you're right.
291
00:12:33,310 --> 00:12:35,150
Yeah, Tommy is the same guy
he was yesterday.
292
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,680
It's just
a different Jersey.
293
00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:39,020
So how are you going
to break it to your dad?
294
00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:40,940
I don't know,
it might kill him.
295
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,670
But on the bright side,
it might kill him.
296
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,520
What is your secret
with my grandma, Rick?
297
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,190
She will not stop
talking about you.
298
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,000
I don't know, you know,
old people love me.
299
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,200
I can't even walk by
a Loehmann's
300
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,980
without feeling
like a piece of meat.
301
00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:57,400
Well, the young people
love you, too.
302
00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:01,250
Ooh, uh, any chance you can tag
along for her follow-up visit?
303
00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:02,840
I'm trying to develop
my spirituality,
304
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,980
but sometimes I just want to
wring that old bitch's neck.
305
00:13:06,490 --> 00:13:08,580
I don't know
why don't do that. I'll go.
306
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,360
Oh, you're my hero!
307
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,610
Oh, we can play that fun game
308
00:13:11,610 --> 00:13:12,860
in the waiting room
where we try to guess
309
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,590
who has insurance
and who doesn't.
310
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,240
Hey, dad.
311
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:19,720
Hi.
312
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:20,720
Brought you a beer.
313
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,500
- Thank you.
- Come sit.
314
00:13:23,340 --> 00:13:25,370
Dad, there's something
I need to talk to you about,
315
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:27,520
and it doesn't
have to be a bad thing.
316
00:13:27,650 --> 00:13:30,580
How far along are you?
Do you need to borrow money?
317
00:13:31,470 --> 00:13:32,420
Dad!
318
00:13:32,780 --> 00:13:34,620
I'm sorry. I mean,
are you going to keep it?
319
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:35,460
No.
320
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:37,930
That's not
what this is about.
321
00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:41,000
How do you feel
about Tommy?
322
00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:43,500
He's a good boy.
323
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:46,070
And he seems very
fond of you, and I like that.
324
00:13:46,090 --> 00:13:47,570
He was traded
to the Yankees.
325
00:13:47,650 --> 00:13:48,960
That son of a bitch!
326
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,110
I always knew there was
something wrong with him...
327
00:13:52,110 --> 00:13:53,700
A darkness
in his eyes!
328
00:13:55,150 --> 00:13:57,760
Dad, I am going to go out
with him and that's that.
329
00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,460
So you just have
to accept it.
330
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:00,880
Can he accept
who you are,
331
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,470
a proud member
of Red Sox nation?
332
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,280
I haven't told him yet.
333
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,900
But I didn't want
to be a buzz kill.
334
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:07,510
He just got his job.
335
00:14:07,510 --> 00:14:09,070
If he's not
accepting of it,
336
00:14:09,070 --> 00:14:10,240
then I will...
337
00:14:10,380 --> 00:14:11,640
eat my hat.
338
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,420
Why is everybody saying
that all of a sudden?!
339
00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:21,580
- Hey.
- Hey.
340
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,000
I had the best day ever.
341
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,260
They gave me
my Yankee locker,
342
00:14:25,260 --> 00:14:26,510
my Yankee
parking space,
343
00:14:26,510 --> 00:14:29,350
and they took like 200
pictures of me doing this.
344
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,090
Tommy...
345
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,700
There's something that
you need to know about me.
346
00:14:36,930 --> 00:14:38,600
I don't want
to talk yet.
347
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,440
I want to make love now.
348
00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:48,010
Your nipples
are perfect.
349
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:52,390
And I don't say
that lightly.
350
00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:56,260
Is that what you wanted
to talk to me about?
351
00:14:57,790 --> 00:14:59,350
No. It's a less important.
352
00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:01,050
We can talk
about it later.
353
00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:03,000
Got you a present.
354
00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:09,240
Oh, no, no, it is I who
should be paying you.
355
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:12,150
No,
they're tickets
356
00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:13,700
to my first game
tomorrow night.
357
00:15:14,450 --> 00:15:15,420
Wow.
358
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,540
The Yankees
vs. The Red Sox.
359
00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:21,610
At Yankee stadium.
360
00:15:23,110 --> 00:15:24,640
They're great seats, too.
361
00:15:25,140 --> 00:15:26,150
Thanks.
362
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:30,160
And here's something
that you can wear for the game,
363
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,020
in case you get on TV.
364
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,000
Oh, a Yankees jacket.
365
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,980
How it is nice.
366
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:41,830
Oh, look,
it's flame retardant.
367
00:15:46,170 --> 00:15:47,840
Hey, Tess, you were
great in there.
368
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:52,080
Oh, it was very nice of you
to let me squeeze your hand
369
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:55,340
while they yanked
the stitches out!
370
00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:57,790
Not everything's
about you, grandma.
371
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,130
I'm the one
that fainted!
372
00:15:59,570 --> 00:16:02,800
Well, we're very lucky
to have had Rick here
373
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,810
to take care
of the two of us.
374
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:06,560
Thank you, Rick.
375
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:07,480
Aw, come on.
376
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,510
I got to spend the day
with two beautiful women.
377
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:10,710
What's better
than that?
378
00:16:10,910 --> 00:16:12,020
It's not really
a compliment
379
00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:14,190
when you lump me in
with my grandma.
380
00:16:15,170 --> 00:16:16,920
Spiritual journey, huh.
381
00:16:17,230 --> 00:16:20,490
If you're spiritual,
I'll eat my hat.
382
00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:24,140
Nikki? I thought
that was you.
383
00:16:24,140 --> 00:16:25,480
Elliot! What
are you doing here?
384
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:26,780
I was called in
for a consult.
385
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,480
Hey, Tess,
how are you?
386
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,800
Not so good, doctor.
387
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,800
No, grandma,
it's Elliot.
388
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,140
He was my fiancée.
389
00:16:35,140 --> 00:16:36,530
I know!
390
00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:39,040
Wow, Nikki, you...
391
00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:40,710
You look great.
392
00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:43,250
Well. Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm Dr. Elliot Goldman.
393
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:44,950
Oh, I'm bartender
Rick Miller.
394
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,450
- Nice to meet you.
- You, too.
395
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,820
Oh, Rick's just
a friend of mine from work.
396
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,410
Well, it's nice to see you
taking care of your grandma.
397
00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:54,250
I'm on a spiritual
journey now.
398
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,700
I mean, I still wear
make-up and shave my legs.
399
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,260
Can I talk to you
for a minute?
400
00:17:01,660 --> 00:17:02,910
Sure.
401
00:17:02,910 --> 00:17:03,750
Excuse us.
402
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:06,000
Oh, no. Yeah, sure.
Yeah, sure.
403
00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:07,950
Oh. Ahem.
404
00:17:16,890 --> 00:17:18,010
Wow.
405
00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:20,460
She really lights up
when she's with that guy.
406
00:17:21,850 --> 00:17:23,550
She never looked
at me like that.
407
00:17:23,550 --> 00:17:26,670
Oh, Rick. Of all
Nikki's boyfriends,
408
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,700
you were my favorite.
409
00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:31,600
And you were my favorite
of Nikki's grandmothers.
410
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,080
Of course I am.
411
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,420
The Italian one
is a pig in lipstick.
412
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,710
Let's go, Yankees!
413
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,110
Let's go, Yankees!
414
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:46,760
Whoo! Yes!
415
00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:48,820
Let's go,
Yankees!
416
00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:49,850
All right, ok.
417
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,270
There's still
six innings left.
418
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,550
Oh, sorry,
I got caught up.
419
00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:54,940
It's just
so exciting.
420
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,050
Oh, Chelsea, you're sitting
on my foam finger.
421
00:17:57,050 --> 00:17:59,820
Yeah, that's the only pleasure
I'm getting out of this game.
422
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:01,660
Oh!
423
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,800
What, are you blind?
He was out!
424
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,920
All right, he's an umpire,
just let him do his job.
425
00:18:06,610 --> 00:18:07,780
Who are you rooting for?
426
00:18:07,780 --> 00:18:09,040
Uh, the rules.
427
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,050
- Oh.
- Ahh.
428
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,470
That's right, Pedroia,
touch 'em all!
429
00:18:15,750 --> 00:18:18,060
What are you,
a Sox fan? Come on!
430
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,650
Do you see
what I'm wearing?
431
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,800
I had intercourse with that right
fielder like 18 hours ago.
432
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:25,980
All right, that's good.
That is good.
433
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,250
Because I would hate
to be sitting next
434
00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:28,900
to a red sucks fan,
you know?
435
00:18:28,930 --> 00:18:30,150
- Oh, red sucks?
- Yeah.
436
00:18:30,180 --> 00:18:31,520
That's very intelligent.
437
00:18:32,270 --> 00:18:33,660
You don't sound
like a Yankee fan.
438
00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:36,310
Yeah, well, I applied,
but I wasn't dumb enough.
439
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,010
Hey, everybody.
Sox fan right here.
440
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,240
You know what,
I am a Red Sox fan,
441
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,580
and we are kicking
your asses.
442
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,870
I'd like to make a point
about sportsmanship.
443
00:18:48,530 --> 00:18:49,620
Boo!
444
00:18:50,990 --> 00:18:53,130
My dad was right,
you people are animals!
445
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,130
Animals?
446
00:18:55,470 --> 00:18:56,470
What, he started it!
447
00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:57,730
She's a Sox fan!
448
00:18:57,730 --> 00:18:59,230
You're going down,
Yankee man!
449
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,770
Get out! Go on!
450
00:19:01,770 --> 00:19:03,520
Yeah, get out of here!
451
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,550
Oh, this is nothing
like "Twilight"!
452
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,070
Why didn't you tell me
that you hated the Yankees?
453
00:19:10,070 --> 00:19:11,490
I was going to.
454
00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:12,570
But every time I tried,
455
00:19:12,570 --> 00:19:15,280
you looked so damn happy,
I just... I couldn't.
456
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,230
Well, it's my life.
Everything I've worked for.
457
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,180
I need someone
that's going to be behind me.
458
00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:22,680
I know, and you
deserve that.
459
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:24,830
Chelsea, let me
ask you a question.
460
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,580
When I step up
to that plate,
461
00:19:26,690 --> 00:19:29,260
will you be rooting
for me to hit a home run?
462
00:19:30,150 --> 00:19:33,690
Only if the Sox are ahead
by so much, it won't matter.
463
00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:37,030
It's not a joke.
464
00:19:37,450 --> 00:19:38,840
Will you support
me or not?
465
00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:41,100
Truthfully,
I don't know.
466
00:19:42,540 --> 00:19:44,380
I'm a die hard
Sox fan.
467
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,800
Sox fan?!
468
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,560
Hey, you little
Yankee twerp!
469
00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:50,840
Cry, baby!
470
00:19:51,070 --> 00:19:53,600
If you can't take it,
don't hurl milkshakes.
471
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:56,360
Yeah, you better run!
472
00:20:01,620 --> 00:20:02,710
Tommy,
473
00:20:02,790 --> 00:20:03,880
I tried.
474
00:20:04,020 --> 00:20:05,190
I really did.
475
00:20:06,110 --> 00:20:07,840
I never would have stepped
foot in Yankee stadium
476
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,530
for any other guy.
477
00:20:11,570 --> 00:20:12,540
I guess
478
00:20:13,070 --> 00:20:14,460
it's not going
to work, huh?
479
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,220
I'm sorry. I should
probably just leave.
480
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:19,510
Yeah, you probably should.
481
00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:20,760
Plus, security's coming.
482
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:21,680
Oh, crap.
483
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:22,930
Hey, wait.
484
00:20:26,550 --> 00:20:28,560
Call me if you
ever get traded.
485
00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:33,680
Hey, there she is.
486
00:20:34,990 --> 00:20:36,190
Come on.
487
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,560
Chelsea, my darling,
488
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:39,950
today you took one
for the team
489
00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:43,380
in a completely different
way than you ever have before.
490
00:20:44,020 --> 00:20:45,380
I'm proud of you, honey.
491
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:47,440
Hey, park it here, slugger.
492
00:20:48,030 --> 00:20:50,160
Oh, God,
I'm such an idiot.
493
00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:52,350
It is definitely over
between me and Tommy.
494
00:20:52,740 --> 00:20:53,710
Why?
495
00:20:54,050 --> 00:20:55,940
I'm like Bill
Buckner, you know.
496
00:20:55,940 --> 00:20:58,530
I don't want any more mistakes
going between my legs.
497
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:00,930
Well, hey,
498
00:21:00,930 --> 00:21:02,210
if it makes
you feel any better,
499
00:21:02,210 --> 00:21:04,430
the Nikki thing is not
going to happen for me.
500
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,380
Oh, no, you wound up
with a nice person?
501
00:21:06,380 --> 00:21:07,440
You're right.
502
00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:09,340
Hey, you're a nice person.
503
00:21:09,340 --> 00:21:10,560
Rebound sex?
504
00:21:10,590 --> 00:21:11,900
You know, someday
I'm going to say yes
505
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:13,180
and you are going
to freak out.
506
00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:14,660
Someday I'm going
to stop asking you
507
00:21:14,660 --> 00:21:15,990
and you're going
to freak out.
508
00:21:15,990 --> 00:21:17,330
Someday I'm just going
to have sex with you
509
00:21:17,330 --> 00:21:18,700
without you even asking.
510
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:21,400
Yeah, someday I'm going...
What... What did you just...
511
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,210
No, that's good.
Let's stop there.
512
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,250
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