Throw it here. Throw it here.
Ya, nice one Clyde.
Clyde!
Clyde, get up here, hurry.
What is that?
A toilet.
That's right.
It's a toilet, Clyde.
And where is the toilet seat?
It's up!
Because you left it up, again!
We have been through this countless times, Clyde.
Okay, mom. Not in front of my friends.
No, not okay.
Because you're not getting the message.
What if I fell in?
Start listening to me.
Put it down!
Thank you.
Dude, that sucks, Clyde.
A mom shouldn't be able to put rules on toilet time like that.
Toilet time is the last *** of American freedom.
Is your mom always like that, dude?
Look, could you guys not say anything about this at school please?
Of course man, it's cool.
Clyde! Clyde!
What I have told you about pissing on the seat?
Clyde is like, "Okay mom not in front of my friends."
Carmen, it was actally really lame.
I know right.
Women are jealous they have to
face outward to pee and crap.
Wait a minute, you're suppose to poop in a toilet facing out?
But I thought you sit on the toilet this way,
so you have the nice little shelf for your comic
book and chocolate milk.
You have the flusher here.
No?
Geez, that's embarrassing.
Mom?
Clyde Donovan, you come home this instant.
Why?
What have I told about putting
the toilet seat down after going to the bathroom?
Mom, I'm in class.
How many times do I have to tll you, Clyde,
I was trying to get ready for work
and the toilet seat was up again.
Betsy, come back home, it's not that big of a deal.
No, Roger it's a disgusting habit
and I am sick and tired of it.
If I sat down I would of gotten
toilet water all over my vagina.
My grandmother is Virginian.
You're coming home right now, Clyde.
And you're putting the toilet seat down, where it belongs.
Let's go!
Dude, I'm telling it was fricking hysterical.
Clyde had to get up in the middle of class
and follow his mom home to put the toilet seat down.
He was so embarrassed dude, I thought he was going to die.
I know, fat ass, I was there.
His mom says, Clyde you're a asshole
I have toilet water in my vajayjay.
That's not what she said. You're putting extras on it again.
It's not that funny.
I know, dude. It's the last area of American freedom.
Don't you feel a little bad for Clyde?
Uh-uh.
Well, you should.
The poor guy shouldn't be screamed at for
something is just not that big of a deal at all.
What's going on?
They're trying to save Clyde's mom.
From what?
They say Clyde left the toilet seat up again.
Hang in there you're going to be fine, okay.
Stay with me now.
I'm sorry there is nothing we can do.
- What? - When she fell into the toilet
she also made it flush, created a sucktion that is literally pulling
out her in sides.
Can't we disconnect the toilet from the plumbing?
Yes, we'll have to, but, when we do that
the change in pressure will rip out her organs.
She's not going to die, is she?
Why did you leave the toilet seat up, son?
Clyde, Clyde.
I want you to know I don't blame you for this.
We should have been harder on
you all of those times you left
the toilet seat up.
Mom, I'm sorry.
Shh, shh.
I don't have a lot of time,
Clyde.
Just please, put the seat down
from now on for your sister's sake.
Please, oh God.
Please, let me go.
Let me go.
Do it, do it!
Mom.
I will always remember Betsy Donovan's kind nature more anything.
She always treated people with dignity and respect.
What a tragedy she had to leave us so soon.
I'm sure Betsy is hoping her death will help women everywhere
to take that extra second to look
before they sit on a toilet.
I would like to say on behalf of the departed
it's not a woman's responsibility to see that the seat is down.
It's a man's responsibility to put it down.
It's not that hard.
Yeah.
Putting the toilet seat down
isn't that hard.
So, is it too much to ask, women,
to just look and put it down
before they go plopping their butts blindly to the toilet bowl.
My God, people this is a funeral.
Please, have some respect.
There is a little boy who lost his mother
and he won't see her again
because he couldn't take
the six tenths of a second to
put the toilet seat down
when he was done peeing.
Now little Clyde's mother is dead
and the blood is on his penis.
Mom, get the door!
Hello, ma'am. We're the toilet safety administration.
The what?
After the recent tragedy
new safety regulations make us check
every toilet for security.
Can we come in?
Sure.
Who is it?
It's the toilet safety administration,
they're going to do something to the potty.
My potty?
What are they going to do about it?
That's my bathroom.
Ah yeah, we're gonna have to completely redo this.
Oh.
You need this counter moved to minimum of 6 inches.
We will go ahead and install the safety belt.
Safety belt?
Federal law requires all toilets to have a safety harness
so that nobody can fall in.
You can't make me wear a seatbelt to take a dump.
This is for your safety.
A woman died, you know.
The blood is on Clyde's weiner not mine.
Sir, we are worried about our friend Clyde.
Everywhere he goes people are telling him
he has blood on his weiner.
Huh-uh, go on.
We keep trying to tell him
maybe this all isn't his fault.
Maybe the people who made the toilet
are to blame for what happened.
We are just wondering if we can sue someone.
You can always sue somebody.
Alright.
You see, Clyde?
We want to help him sue who ever invented the toilet.
You got it.
Here we go, inventor of the toilet.
Sir Thomas Harrington, Karlston, England.
Died 1692.
He'd dead.
So we can't sue him?
Why not? You can always sue somebody.
It just gonna take some special protocol.
We will have to perform a suaunce.
A suence.
You bet. Here at ***
we specialize in suing the dead.
If you hire us, we'll work hard.
For you.
Wow, really?
You see that, Clyde?
Now, look.
I ask you all to have an open mind
and willingness to face your fears.
I warn you, boys, a suance can be very expensive.
How expensive?
How much do you have?
Clyde has $3000 from his mom's life insurance.
Whoa, that's exactly how much a suance costs.
Wow, that's weird.
Damn it.
Hey, officer.
You sitting on the toilet
you need to be wearing your safety belt, sir.
I had it on, I took it off for a second to get to the --
Address here is 260 Avenue De los Mexicanos.
Oh, come on. Don't give me a ticket.
You gotta wear the safety belt or you could fall in.
I'm not going to fall in.
I'm not a chick.
Law is the law.
You can pay this by mail or appear in court on that date.
Have a good day, sir.
Thank you, asshole.
You say something?
No, I was talking to my asshole.
Come on, asshole, let's get back to work.
This is unbelievable.
Stupid toilet safety administration.
You can't even take a crap at I-hop
without a 40 minute line.
Shoes off, belts off.
Sharp objects go in the plastic tray.
This is inhumane.
Shut up, sir!
Taking a dump today, ma'am?
No, just need to pee.
Alright I just need to check inside your asshole.
How about you people speed it up in here.
I'm about to crap my pants.
I demand access to the toilet right now.
You mind if I touch your balls sir?
Yes, I mind.
You mind if I touch your balls?
Okay, I'm done.
I just need to check inside your asshole.
I don't need you wiping my ass for me.
I'm a grown man.
Yes, you're a big boy aren't you, sir.
Yeah, I'm a big boy.
That's "Big boy, sir".
I'm a big boy.
I took a big boy.
Yes.
Alright. Boys, sit down and clear your minds.
The suance is about to begin.
Doors and windows are locked.
You have your $500 in cash ready.
Yeah.
I have the big bowl set here for the money we're about to make.
Now, let us start.
We call out to the land of the dead.
Sir John Harrington, your presence is requested.
Appear to us, John Harrington.
We have a subpoena.
Geez, it's not working.
John Harrington.
My client is due compensation for negligence.
What is your name, spirit.
Bonds, Jimmy Bonds.
What's it to you?
Who are you mugs?
That's how people talked in the past.
We have a claim against a John Harrington, do you know him, spirit?
Maybe do.
Maybe I don't.
Might need a little omething something to jog my memory.
We gotta grease him. Put a hundred in the box.
Oh, ya. Harrington, I know him.
Always going around inventing things.
Yes, that's him.
Is his personage amongst you?
Well, maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
Give me another hundred.
Ya, I seen him around.
He was down that way bragging
about a porcelain machine and what you have.
No, no!
By the power of Christ we sue you.
You can't sue me.
Quick put another 300 in the box.
This actually went really, really well.
Always happens some bureaucrat
tries to block the first suance attempt. This was good. We'll get him tomorrow.
That's it?
We need another $400 tomorrow.
I know you're sad about your mom, Clyde.
Don't worry, we will win this thing.
Put your coffee in the plastic tray, sir.
Shoes off.
Belts off.
Ya, ya.
Gots any metal in your pockets?
I just need to check your asshole.
Ridiculous.
Asshole clear.
Thanks.
Pick your coffee up, sir.
Anyways he says I can get npne anyway so then he...
What's that thing?
That's a camera, a security camera.
- You people have me on camera now? - It's okay, sir.
There is just one person viewing the monitors in a discrete location.
Exactly how long are we going to sit around as our freedoms
are stripped away one by one?
It's time for to us to stay together and say we want the
government out of our bathroom. Yeah!
Now, listen.
All we have to do is agree as a community to all bolt our toilet
seats down.
If they can't razor lower there is zero chance of anyone falling.
If there is no toilet seat the government can't make
a toilet seat law.
Hold on! If the seat can't raise up, the men will pee all over it.
No, we won't.
Yeah, you will.
Well, sorry, women have to deal with a little splash of pee on the rim.
It's a far better solution then the government in the bathrooms.
How about we agree to that if men agree to always sit down to urinate.
No, you can't make men sit down to pee.
How can we play sink the boat?
How will Nelson and I make an X on sleepover nights.
What about us loggers, hard
working men who like to stand up
after they've taken a pooh and turn around and cut their pooh in half with
their urine?
Well, sorry we may have to give up being able to peeing our feces in half.
Folks have been logging around these parts here for generations.
My papa taught me logging, and his pa before him.
I think we have to live with the TSA.
Yeah, yeah.
The spirits of the dead are looking over the subpoena.
Motion for summary judgement on be half of the plaintiff.
What is happening now?
Our otion has been denied by the judge, concentrate more.
This specter is like none I have ever encountered.
He manages to avoid liability with a injuction toward our claim.
So what does that mean?
We will hit him with a class action lawsuit tomorrow.
We need all of your friends and
families to sign a petition and kick in $50 each.
What?
Hang in there, Clyde.
This is all to make the world a safer place.
An embarrassing day for the Toilet Safety Administration.
Shock and outrage ensued after an unknown terrorist got through
TSA security with a gun and baby leaving the toilet seat up.
The head TSA chied of operations had this to say.
Shit.
Meanwhile outraged civilians
are claiming they're finally fed up with the overblown government beurocracy.
What good is the TSA if they're not protecting us?
Why are we giving up freedom if a terrorist can take a hostage in the bathroom with a baby
and a gun on the toilet.
And the toilet seat was up.
- We've all stood by as Mother Government has taken our dignity. - That's right.
Now it's time for us to take responsibility for ourselves.
It is time for us all to grow up.
That's right.
- It is time for a suance. - Ya!
Wait, what?
What the fuck is a suance?
Tom, I'm standing outside of the courthouse where experts have
successfully summoned the ghost toilet inventor John Harrington.
Now that the spirit has crossed over
from the dead lawyers are going to try to sue him.
Sir Thomas Harrington your extreme negligence has cost
taxpayers millions.
No, no.
You will be sued, spirit.
Thy liability is without question.
Appear before this court, Harrington.
Never.
Quick everyone, get out all your money.
Ahhh, Clyde.
Clyde.
Mom?
This lawyer is a fraud.
He has been swindling you and your friends for your money.
Fuck me. It's a ghost.
You can't sue the dead, Clyde.
Putting the toilet seat down is a matter of simple etiquette.
It's common sense, Clyde.
Oh boy, here we go.
Don't try to blame mommy's
death on anything but your failure to do something I asked
you time and time again to do.
It's your fault.
Now, hold on just a second!
It's not anyone's fault.
I am sick and tired of all of this
nonsense over my porcelain toilet machine.
There he is.
Sir John Harrington.
Quick, sue him.
You can't sue me.
You're all using my toilet invention the wrong way.
When you have to sit and take a Sir Harrington, you're suppose to be
facing this way so you can use the little shelf for your books,
quill and your ink.
I told you, you sit on it that way.
I told you.
Why would I design it so that after you finish taking a Sir Harrington you
have to stand up, turn around and look down right at your Harrington to flush?
That's gross.
Well, yeah, but...
If you sit on it that way you take our pants all the way off.
Of course, why do you think designed toilet rooms with a laundry hole?
That's what that hole is for?
Oh.
Oops.
So, then Clyde's mom ghost is like, "Clyde, what did I tell you
Clyde, you asshole?"
And Clyde's all like
Mom, ***.
That's now what I said.
Yeah, well I'm just glad that stupid TSA crap is over with.
I know you had a tough week, Clyde,
but at least your mom didn't die for nothing.
I mean, we're kinda right back to the bathroom being the last
*** of American freedom, so technically, your mom did die for nothing, but
Clyde? Clyde? Clyde, you're there? Hello?
Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com