1
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:10,259
Nick, your houseguest is
urinating in the bathroom
2
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,178
Tony the Tiger style.
3
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:13,897
- Naked with a kerchief?
- What?
4
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:15,198
Naked with a kerchief.
5
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:18,701
No, what do you call
top, no pants?
6
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,904
Oh, that's like a Winnie the Pooh
or a Paddington. - Honey the Smacks Frog.
7
00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:22,288
- There's a Donald the Duck.
- I guess pretty much
8
00:00:22,373 --> 00:00:23,289
any kind of bear
except for Yogi
9
00:00:23,807 --> 00:00:25,157
'cause that's naked
with a tie.
10
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,742
Alvin, Simon, Theodore.
11
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,911
I saw his entire butt.
12
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,496
Look, Dirk's a good guy.
13
00:00:30,563 --> 00:00:32,581
He was my roommate
when I was in law school.
14
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:35,117
- Smartest guy I know.
- So, he's a lawyer?
15
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,253
No, he's not a lawyer,
but he does have a law degree,
16
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:38,788
a business degree,
and a master's in agriculture.
17
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,289
He's kind of like
a degree collector.
18
00:00:40,357 --> 00:00:42,758
He's got his PhD in poetry,
so...
19
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,543
That sucks for poems.
20
00:00:44,594 --> 00:00:45,961
How'd it go with Fancyman?
21
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,080
It was an amazing first date,
22
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,633
except for one awkward
part at the end.
23
00:00:50,701 --> 00:00:53,753
I don't go on dates
very often.
24
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:56,422
Guys my age always want
to skip the date
25
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,424
and just go right
for the gold.
26
00:00:59,475 --> 00:01:01,194
Which I don't give them
27
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,279
because I'm stingy
with my gold.
28
00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:05,231
Unless they dig for it.
29
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,769
I haven't even gotten
to the awkward part yet.
30
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:12,655
Oh, hi.
31
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,663
Black sedan?
32
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,331
Uh, yeah.
33
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,166
What?
34
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:25,952
So, he patted me on the back.
35
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,169
I thought I'd
at least get
36
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,672
a front pat. Whoo-ha!
37
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:30,773
What?
38
00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:32,175
Look,
39
00:01:32,243 --> 00:01:33,509
he probably just got nervous.
40
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:34,861
No, Russell's never nervous.
41
00:01:34,945 --> 00:01:36,362
That's the worst answer.
44
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,149
Hey, what's up, baby?
45
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,451
- Ooh.
- Hey, is that Shelby?
46
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,570
What was that?
That was a cat sound.
47
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,606
Oh, because you did the whip,
we should've...
48
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:47,991
- Guys! - It should have been
the other way around.
49
00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:49,709
Okay, I'm just gonna ask Cece.
50
00:01:49,793 --> 00:01:52,194
But next time you guys
want advice about girls,
51
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:53,880
don't come crawling to me.
52
00:01:53,964 --> 00:01:55,048
- You got it.
- That sounds good.
53
00:01:55,132 --> 00:01:57,650
No, that was a joke; I love it
54
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,786
when you guys ask me stuff.
It makes me feel really important.
55
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,771
- And I love it...
- "One shade the more,"
56
00:02:01,839 --> 00:02:03,306
"One ray the less,"
57
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,808
"Had half impaired
the nameless grace."
58
00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,844
Are you wearing
a ladies' scarf?
59
00:02:07,911 --> 00:02:09,095
Come to my lecture
tomorrow night.
60
00:02:09,679 --> 00:02:11,714
Absolutely not.
61
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:13,850
She's missing out,
my man.
62
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,318
- Hey, Schmidt?
- Yeah?
63
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:16,552
Mind if I borrow your car
to take Shelby to the airport?
64
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:18,438
Oh, I don't have a car, Winston.
65
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,557
Hey, Schmidt, uh,
you mind if I use the, uh,
66
00:02:22,608 --> 00:02:23,559
"man-bulance"?
67
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,278
The man-bulance is resting.
He needs to get ready
68
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:27,313
for the corporate team-building
retreat on Monday.
69
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,082
That's cool. I'm sure the
man-bulance couldn't handle
70
00:02:29,166 --> 00:02:30,750
all of Shelby's luggage anyway.
71
00:02:30,834 --> 00:02:32,618
Ooh... What the hell is
wrong with you, Winston?
72
00:02:32,703 --> 00:02:34,921
The man-bulance could fit
the luggage of nine Shelbys.
73
00:02:35,005 --> 00:02:36,372
It has the towing capacity
74
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:37,807
of a thousand Shelbys.
75
00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:39,042
You know what?
Here you go, Winston.
76
00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:40,209
There you go.
77
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,844
- Enjoy luxury.
- All good, man.
78
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,629
I got your second set,
so thank you.
79
00:02:43,714 --> 00:02:45,098
How'd you get
my second set of keys?
80
00:02:45,182 --> 00:02:46,415
Hey, someone left
your door open.
81
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,384
Someone left
your face beautiful.
82
00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:50,586
Who is that?
83
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:51,888
Apparently, his name is Dirk.
84
00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:56,859
Sorry, Dirk, I'm
seeing somebody.
85
00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,227
But should that stop you
86
00:02:58,278 --> 00:02:59,562
from seeing this?
87
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,064
Yeah!
88
00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:02,865
That's awesome.
Does he keep you happy?
89
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:03,800
He does what he's told.
90
00:03:06,036 --> 00:03:07,904
So you're the boss
and he's your little secretary?
91
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,655
Oh,
92
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,274
you're a sex-cretary?
93
00:03:11,342 --> 00:03:13,042
I am definitely the boss.
94
00:03:14,511 --> 00:03:16,546
Sex-cretary,
he just made that up.
95
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,114
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
96
00:03:18,182 --> 00:03:19,549
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
97
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,250
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
98
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:22,752
♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ It's Jess ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
99
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:25,304
I hate bachelorette parties.
100
00:03:25,389 --> 00:03:27,807
I have, like 50 different
penis items in my carry-on.
101
00:03:28,191 --> 00:03:29,392
This plane goes down,
there's gonna be
102
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,844
some sharks doing
some really weird stuff.
103
00:03:31,929 --> 00:03:33,462
Sharks? I thought
you were going to Vegas?
104
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:34,964
No, I'm going to Mexico.
I thought I told you that.
105
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:36,132
Hmm-mm.
106
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:37,567
Well, if you don't
want me to go,
107
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,152
I don't have to go.
108
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,020
No, no, no, no, no, no,
I want you to go.
109
00:03:41,105 --> 00:03:42,572
It'll be good, you know?
110
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,140
We spent the last
five nights together.
111
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:46,075
I mean, you know,
we both could use some space.
112
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,779
Right.
113
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,833
- Did I say something wrong?
- What?
114
00:03:53,917 --> 00:03:57,253
I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you
across all the space.
115
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,591
Hey.
116
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,926
Great news, um,
Jess is taking a shower.
117
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:07,263
Okay, I just need, like,
a good, solid ten minutes.
118
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,514
Eat this granola bar first.
119
00:04:09,099 --> 00:04:11,968
I want to try something
called the horse trough.
120
00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:14,604
No, Cece.
121
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,272
I'm not having sex
with you right now.
122
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,940
I have to get everybody
in the company's name
123
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,459
into a version of "We
Didn't Start the Fire."
124
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:20,726
Totally fine.
125
00:04:20,811 --> 00:04:23,229
What do you need,
like, 20 minutes?
126
00:04:23,313 --> 00:04:25,148
Cece, this...
Okay, this is real work
127
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:28,517
for my real boss who is not you.
128
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:32,238
Oh, I get what's happening here.
129
00:04:32,322 --> 00:04:36,192
It's 'cause Ponytail called you
a "sex receptionist."
130
00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:38,327
A sex receptionist
answers calls all day.
131
00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:41,664
A sex-cretary does
scheduling, light filing,
132
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,249
basically runs the office.
133
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:44,500
So, first of all,
134
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:46,719
thank you for the demotion.
135
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:47,870
And second of all, I quit.
136
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,472
So, I'll see you tonight.
137
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,174
Did you not hear anything
I just said?
138
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:54,060
Oh, no, I totally heard you
loud and clear,
139
00:04:54,144 --> 00:04:58,564
but do you know
who didn't happen to hear you?
140
00:04:58,649 --> 00:05:00,183
What are you doing?
141
00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:01,217
Don't-don't-don't involve them.
142
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:02,518
Oh, my...
143
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:03,820
They just didn't hear.
144
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:04,854
Don't bring them into this.
145
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,222
Don't tell me.
146
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,491
Tell them.
147
00:05:11,861 --> 00:05:12,795
Hi.
148
00:05:12,862 --> 00:05:16,365
I guess, uh, Harold, Kumar,
149
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:17,950
I love... I love you both.
150
00:05:18,035 --> 00:05:21,037
All the zany adventures
we've had.
151
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,405
But we can't go to
White Castle today.
152
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,540
Just can't do it.
153
00:05:24,608 --> 00:05:25,858
You're serious about this?
154
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:27,760
Cece?
155
00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:29,578
Is Schmidt bothering you?
156
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,013
This is not over.
157
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,816
Okay?
158
00:05:33,884 --> 00:05:35,885
Was it like a caress
or like a... like a pat?
159
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,637
No, like a pat;
It was distinctly a pat,
160
00:05:37,721 --> 00:05:39,021
and it was actually
kind of hot.
161
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,389
The man knows how
to pat a back.
162
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,141
At any point during the night,
163
00:05:42,226 --> 00:05:44,426
did you do
your Kermit the Frog imitation?
164
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:45,695
Maybe.
165
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:46,863
Once or twice.
166
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,764
No, stop, it freaks me out
and you know.
167
00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:50,483
Well, what do I do?
168
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,151
I really, really want to see him
again, like, badly.
169
00:05:52,236 --> 00:05:54,370
- You just call him.
- I can't.
170
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:55,655
He's too sophisticated.
171
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:57,406
He told me he'd run
with the bulls,
172
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:58,824
and I quote,
173
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,793
"not the touristy bulls
in Pamplona."
174
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,295
Big deal. Just call him.
175
00:06:02,379 --> 00:06:04,997
Schmidt says the moment
a woman touches a phone,
176
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,667
she loses her power
unless she's sexting,
177
00:06:07,751 --> 00:06:09,919
in which case, she
gains a half power.
178
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,053
Okay, well,
that's Schmidt just talking...
179
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,672
I mean, what does Schmidt know?
180
00:06:12,756 --> 00:06:14,623
Look, all the guys
that you live with-- boys.
181
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,759
You've only dated boys.
182
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,460
Russell is a grown man,
183
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,812
and I bet he likes women
184
00:06:19,897 --> 00:06:21,797
who know what they want
and ask for it.
185
00:06:21,865 --> 00:06:25,017
He has a hot air balloon
in a hangar in Palm Springs.
186
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,903
Okay, sweetheart,
you are sophisticated.
187
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,404
You've just got
to pick up the phone,
188
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,756
and you ask him out for dinner.
189
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,491
You know what? You're right:
I am sophisticated.
190
00:06:32,576 --> 00:06:33,642
I'm gonna do this.
191
00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:35,844
What is that?
192
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:37,330
It's a phone.
193
00:06:37,414 --> 00:06:38,281
Oh, God.
194
00:06:39,214 --> 00:06:42,466
And thus ends our journey
through the words of time.
195
00:06:43,034 --> 00:06:45,385
From Dylan Thomas to Bob Dylan,
196
00:06:45,470 --> 00:06:47,537
from Dylan to Dylan.
197
00:06:48,605 --> 00:06:50,341
They're both named Dylan.
198
00:06:50,392 --> 00:06:52,426
- Watch him bring it home, man.
- Do I have to?
199
00:06:52,510 --> 00:06:53,977
We have to rage.
200
00:06:54,044 --> 00:06:56,379
"Rage against the dying
of the light.
201
00:06:56,431 --> 00:06:58,014
"And when the light
202
00:06:58,065 --> 00:07:01,101
is no longer bright."
203
00:07:05,106 --> 00:07:08,892
"Don't think twice,
it's all right."
204
00:07:08,943 --> 00:07:10,059
It's over.
205
00:07:12,613 --> 00:07:14,080
Smartest guy I know.
206
00:07:15,583 --> 00:07:17,233
Professor?
207
00:07:17,285 --> 00:07:18,234
- Professor?
- Yeah?
208
00:07:18,286 --> 00:07:19,619
We wanted to remind you
209
00:07:19,704 --> 00:07:22,122
about the post-lecture
wine and cheese event.
210
00:07:22,206 --> 00:07:23,707
A soiree, eh?
211
00:07:23,758 --> 00:07:25,175
Super classy.
212
00:07:25,242 --> 00:07:27,928
Crackers, bubbles,
crab, hummus.
213
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:30,246
Yeah, I-I e-mailed
you about that.
214
00:07:30,298 --> 00:07:32,716
That was me. - Oh, sometimes when
I get a really long e-mail...
215
00:07:36,403 --> 00:07:37,253
I don't read it.
216
00:07:38,389 --> 00:07:40,056
Bye.
217
00:07:41,107 --> 00:07:42,809
Oh, Mommy.
218
00:07:42,894 --> 00:07:44,361
All right,
Dirk, what about Deb?
219
00:07:44,428 --> 00:07:46,029
You guys having problems
or something?
220
00:07:46,096 --> 00:07:47,931
No, no, no,
everything's fine.
221
00:07:48,482 --> 00:07:50,233
She left me and moved
out of the house.
222
00:07:50,284 --> 00:07:52,769
I guess it was "too
hard to support me."
223
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,237
"Financially."
224
00:07:54,239 --> 00:07:56,457
It's all fine; her leaving
has allowed me to realize
225
00:07:56,541 --> 00:07:58,242
the one thing that was
missing in my life.
226
00:07:58,293 --> 00:07:59,126
Scarves?
227
00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:00,995
Undergraduate ladies.
228
00:08:01,079 --> 00:08:02,913
You see, girls our age,
what do they want?
229
00:08:02,964 --> 00:08:04,948
They want us to wed them,
sire their children.
230
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,050
They want you to have
231
00:08:06,117 --> 00:08:07,501
- a-a bedframe.
- Right, yeah.
232
00:08:07,585 --> 00:08:09,053
Hmm? They want you
to eat off plates,
233
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:10,421
but girls in college
234
00:08:10,472 --> 00:08:11,788
all they want you to do
235
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,059
is tell them that
their photography has potential.
236
00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:17,344
Yeah, but don't they want to
hang out wth guys their own age?
237
00:08:17,429 --> 00:08:19,263
Have you hung out with a
20-year-old dude lately?
238
00:08:19,314 --> 00:08:22,132
Trust me, they are setting the
bar very, very low. - Right.
239
00:08:22,183 --> 00:08:24,768
They haven't even gone through their
gay phase yet. - Hey, man, I'm gonna
240
00:08:24,819 --> 00:08:25,802
give Shelby a call
really quick.
241
00:08:25,854 --> 00:08:27,137
Just want to check on her,
see if everything's all right.
242
00:08:27,188 --> 00:08:29,239
- Sounds good, man.
- What, dude, relax, okay?
243
00:08:29,307 --> 00:08:31,191
I just said we're gonna give
each other space,
244
00:08:31,276 --> 00:08:32,743
doesn't mean
I can't call her, right,
245
00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:35,612
to see if anything funny
happened on the plane.
246
00:08:35,663 --> 00:08:37,114
You know what "space"
means, right?
247
00:08:37,165 --> 00:08:38,999
That's space to have sex
with other people.
248
00:08:39,084 --> 00:08:41,168
No, space means
you go to Mexico,
249
00:08:41,752 --> 00:08:43,287
and you do not have sex
with other people.
250
00:08:43,738 --> 00:08:44,488
Watch this.
251
00:08:44,539 --> 00:08:46,757
Nick, don't give my any space.
252
00:08:46,824 --> 00:08:48,175
You got it, my man.
253
00:08:48,259 --> 00:08:50,010
See, this makes it pretty hard
254
00:08:50,095 --> 00:08:52,012
for you and I to have sex
right now, doesn't it?
255
00:08:52,097 --> 00:08:53,680
Now, Nick, I want you
256
00:08:53,765 --> 00:08:55,015
- to give me some space.
- You got it.
257
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,684
All this space
allows me opportunity
258
00:08:57,769 --> 00:08:59,520
to have as much sex as we want.
259
00:08:59,604 --> 00:09:00,521
Smartest guy I know.
260
00:09:00,605 --> 00:09:01,772
See how much sex
261
00:09:01,839 --> 00:09:04,274
- we could be having?
- That-that does...
262
00:09:04,342 --> 00:09:06,510
Get out of my way,
bookworms!
263
00:09:06,561 --> 00:09:08,812
You ready to make love
to some college chicks?
264
00:09:08,863 --> 00:09:10,697
Hey, when's the last time
you had mono?
265
00:09:10,782 --> 00:09:12,116
I don't know.
266
00:09:12,183 --> 00:09:15,069
Tomorrow, you're
gonna say yesterday.
267
00:09:15,153 --> 00:09:16,954
I have that
team-building research
268
00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:18,688
you asked for, Mr. Schmidt.
269
00:09:19,874 --> 00:09:22,376
What... are you wearing?
270
00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:24,461
I don't... I don't know.
271
00:09:24,529 --> 00:09:25,695
I mean, I found this
272
00:09:25,747 --> 00:09:27,631
at the lost and found
at the gym.
273
00:09:27,699 --> 00:09:30,884
I'm not really sure how sexy
a sex-cretary is supposed to be.
274
00:09:31,702 --> 00:09:32,503
I've never had
to do this.
275
00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:34,254
I've never had
to seduce somebody before.
276
00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:35,872
If you're gonna seduce me,
277
00:09:35,924 --> 00:09:38,675
don't dress up like
my aunt Frieda at Seder.
278
00:09:39,726 --> 00:09:40,894
Come on, okay?
279
00:09:40,979 --> 00:09:42,813
I will do anything,
280
00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:45,349
and I'll do it anywhere.
281
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:46,233
All right?
282
00:09:48,103 --> 00:09:50,404
Even fantasy location...
283
00:09:51,488 --> 00:09:52,489
number three?
284
00:09:53,557 --> 00:09:54,525
Okay.
285
00:09:57,078 --> 00:10:00,197
Um, how good are the Beatles?
286
00:10:00,748 --> 00:10:02,082
Beatles are the best.
287
00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:03,900
Were you so upset
when they broke up?
288
00:10:04,452 --> 00:10:05,902
I would have been,
but I was one.
289
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,191
Well, you're not one any more.
290
00:10:14,143 --> 00:10:15,145
How's your prostate?
291
00:10:15,196 --> 00:10:16,980
- Uh...
- I had my breast exam last week,
292
00:10:17,031 --> 00:10:18,415
and, like, they're fine.
293
00:10:18,983 --> 00:10:19,867
It's just boob in there,
294
00:10:19,951 --> 00:10:22,286
but we have to be careful.
295
00:10:22,337 --> 00:10:23,820
Our bodies are decaying.
296
00:10:24,572 --> 00:10:25,255
Are you okay?
297
00:10:25,323 --> 00:10:26,673
You seem strange.
298
00:10:26,758 --> 00:10:28,041
Why didn't we kiss
the other night?
299
00:10:28,126 --> 00:10:29,042
Sorry.
300
00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:33,430
I'm sorry.
301
00:10:33,498 --> 00:10:35,516
- No, it's fine.
- Oh.
302
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:36,717
- What?
- Hey, I...
303
00:10:36,801 --> 00:10:38,685
- Is everything okay? Oh.
- I got to go.
304
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:40,554
This ought to take care
of the dinner. - Yeah.
305
00:10:40,638 --> 00:10:43,340
Okay?
306
00:10:43,391 --> 00:10:44,775
Oh, I cannot believe
I almost left
307
00:10:44,842 --> 00:10:46,059
without, um...
308
00:10:46,144 --> 00:10:47,344
Here, there's cab fare.
309
00:10:47,395 --> 00:10:48,195
- Get home safe.
- Oh.
310
00:10:54,085 --> 00:10:55,369
Baby, look, I don't want space,
okay?
311
00:10:55,453 --> 00:10:56,870
I don't want anyone
to have space.
312
00:10:56,955 --> 00:10:58,739
I want to be standing
right in front of you.
313
00:10:58,823 --> 00:11:00,541
I want the air that you breathe
314
00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:02,910
to be the air coming directly
from out of my mouth.
315
00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:05,028
I want to just be passing air
back and forth
316
00:11:05,079 --> 00:11:07,130
between each other
until it's mostly carbon dioxide
317
00:11:07,198 --> 00:11:09,716
and then we both
pass out and die.
318
00:11:14,372 --> 00:11:15,556
No flights tonight.
319
00:11:15,623 --> 00:11:17,958
Hey, Schmidt, do you mind
if I borrow your car again?
320
00:11:18,026 --> 00:11:19,426
"Of course you can, Winston.
You're so great."
321
00:11:19,511 --> 00:11:20,727
Thank you!
322
00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:38,434
Nope.
323
00:11:38,519 --> 00:11:39,936
Hey, my name's Nicholas.
324
00:11:40,020 --> 00:11:42,155
Nick, Nick.
325
00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:44,490
Buddy, nobody ever regretted
throwing an after party.
326
00:11:44,558 --> 00:11:45,775
Oh, I do.
327
00:11:45,859 --> 00:11:47,226
Dirk, I feel so old here.
328
00:11:47,277 --> 00:11:49,128
Is calling a girl "Shorty"
still cool?
329
00:11:49,196 --> 00:11:50,947
We just got to find your angle
with these college girls.
330
00:11:51,031 --> 00:11:53,499
Your hook, your panty-melter.
331
00:11:53,567 --> 00:11:56,185
Usually, my hook is that it's
closing time, and I'm there.
332
00:11:56,253 --> 00:11:58,171
You were a panty-melting
icon in law school.
333
00:11:58,238 --> 00:12:00,072
If panties were snowmen,
334
00:12:00,124 --> 00:12:02,542
you were March, bro.
335
00:12:05,312 --> 00:12:06,212
Hey.
336
00:12:06,263 --> 00:12:07,847
- Don't-don't do this.
- Skyler, Miriam,
337
00:12:07,914 --> 00:12:09,299
- come over here for a second.
- Don't humiliate me, Dirk.
338
00:12:09,383 --> 00:12:10,883
How cool is my friend, Nick?
339
00:12:10,934 --> 00:12:12,385
Are you a professor, too?
340
00:12:12,436 --> 00:12:13,686
No, no, no,
I'm a bartender.
341
00:12:13,754 --> 00:12:14,854
30 years old,
342
00:12:14,921 --> 00:12:16,389
I don't have health insurance.
343
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,975
You know how to
make drinks?
344
00:12:19,059 --> 00:12:20,760
Panty-melter.
345
00:12:20,811 --> 00:12:22,895
Do I know how to make drinks,
did you say?
346
00:12:22,946 --> 00:12:24,697
Yeah, like alcoholic drinks?
347
00:12:24,765 --> 00:12:26,115
Yeah, I do that professionally.
348
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,284
You could get me
drunk professionally?
349
00:12:28,352 --> 00:12:29,986
Are you a cop?
350
00:12:30,070 --> 00:12:31,170
Sometimes.
351
00:12:32,489 --> 00:12:33,373
Do you have identification
on you?
352
00:12:42,916 --> 00:12:43,833
I gotta call Jenna
353
00:12:43,834 --> 00:12:46,052
and tell her I'm making out
with a bartender.
354
00:12:46,119 --> 00:12:48,137
Five nights a week.
355
00:12:48,222 --> 00:12:51,457
Jess, you made it
to the party!
356
00:12:51,508 --> 00:12:53,342
What's going on?
Why is the cast
357
00:12:53,427 --> 00:12:55,011
of the Social Network
in our apartment?
358
00:12:55,095 --> 00:12:56,896
Dirk is a genius!
359
00:12:56,963 --> 00:12:59,399
20-year-old girls--
they think I'm awesome!
360
00:12:59,466 --> 00:13:01,017
And look at 'em!
361
00:13:01,101 --> 00:13:03,019
They don't know what
Saved by the Bell is
362
00:13:03,103 --> 00:13:04,353
and they've never felt pain.
363
00:13:05,438 --> 00:13:07,940
I'm Skyler's Fancyman!
364
00:13:07,991 --> 00:13:09,108
Can you believe it?
365
00:13:09,159 --> 00:13:10,493
Where's your Fancyman?
Where is he?
366
00:13:10,577 --> 00:13:12,495
I don't know.
It was horrible.
367
00:13:12,579 --> 00:13:15,815
He left and gave me
$100 for a cab!
368
00:13:15,866 --> 00:13:17,250
You know what?
369
00:13:17,317 --> 00:13:19,419
I'm gonna use
the remaining 90
370
00:13:19,486 --> 00:13:21,821
to get out of here
and start a new life.
371
00:13:21,872 --> 00:13:23,206
It's been nice
knowing you.
372
00:13:23,290 --> 00:13:26,092
Hey...!
373
00:13:26,159 --> 00:13:27,877
I'm gonna die alone!
374
00:13:27,961 --> 00:13:29,495
Oh, no!
375
00:13:29,546 --> 00:13:32,131
I am so, so sad
right now.
376
00:13:32,182 --> 00:13:34,851
My heart hurts!
377
00:13:34,935 --> 00:13:37,220
You want Nick to make you
a bayberry breeze?
378
00:13:37,304 --> 00:13:39,472
- 'Cause he is so smart.
- So smart.
379
00:13:39,523 --> 00:13:41,507
Yes, I do. Yes, I do!
380
00:13:45,696 --> 00:13:47,613
This.
381
00:13:47,681 --> 00:13:50,616
I'm not happy! 30 sucks!
382
00:13:50,684 --> 00:13:53,569
Ah, weird party move.
383
00:13:56,022 --> 00:14:00,460
♪ It's time
to try defying gravity ♪
384
00:14:00,527 --> 00:14:05,715
♪ I think I'll try
defying gravity ♪
385
00:14:05,799 --> 00:14:06,866
It's been two hours.
386
00:14:06,917 --> 00:14:08,217
This is
officially crazy.
387
00:14:08,302 --> 00:14:09,719
Also, I have to go
to the bathroom.
388
00:14:09,803 --> 00:14:11,137
Just pee yourself.
389
00:14:11,204 --> 00:14:12,505
So you'd rather sit
in my urine
390
00:14:12,556 --> 00:14:13,973
for the rest of the car ride
391
00:14:13,975 --> 00:14:16,259
than admit to Winston
that we're sleeping together?
392
00:14:16,343 --> 00:14:19,061
Yep, absolutely.
Don't even have to think about it.
393
00:14:19,146 --> 00:14:21,731
I don't want to ruin
what we have, okay?
394
00:14:21,815 --> 00:14:23,766
Because if people
find out,
395
00:14:23,851 --> 00:14:25,568
they're gonna have
a lot of questions,
396
00:14:25,652 --> 00:14:27,687
like, "Cece, why are
you sleeping with him?"
397
00:14:27,738 --> 00:14:30,439
And, "Seriously, why?"
398
00:14:30,524 --> 00:14:32,275
You think we have something
to ruin?
399
00:14:32,359 --> 00:14:34,827
Earlier, I was dressed
as a sex-cretary.
400
00:14:34,895 --> 00:14:37,947
And I was wearing shoulder pads.
401
00:14:38,031 --> 00:14:40,166
So I obviously
402
00:14:40,233 --> 00:14:42,368
must like sleeping with you.
403
00:14:43,504 --> 00:14:45,538
A secre-tarty.
404
00:14:45,589 --> 00:14:48,124
Shut... up.
405
00:14:51,411 --> 00:14:52,979
This is pretty great.
406
00:14:53,046 --> 00:14:54,447
I'm freezing.
407
00:14:54,515 --> 00:14:56,299
- Yeah.
- I'm so cold.
408
00:14:56,383 --> 00:14:58,217
How are you
not freezing?
409
00:14:58,268 --> 00:15:00,920
Does brown skin
retain heat?
410
00:15:00,971 --> 00:15:03,389
♪ Instead of dreary
who-you-were, well, are ♪
411
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:07,059
♪ There's nothing that can stop
you from becoming popular ♪
412
00:15:07,110 --> 00:15:08,728
♪ Lar ♪
413
00:15:08,779 --> 00:15:10,730
♪ La, la ♪
414
00:15:10,781 --> 00:15:13,282
♪ La, ah-ah, ah... ♪
415
00:15:16,703 --> 00:15:19,071
Take out your tampon
and drink, Trevor!
416
00:15:19,122 --> 00:15:22,107
The Flip Queen has spoken!
417
00:15:22,159 --> 00:15:24,043
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug!
418
00:15:24,110 --> 00:15:25,494
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
419
00:15:28,748 --> 00:15:29,582
Shelby.
420
00:15:29,633 --> 00:15:31,083
Babe, I don't want space.
421
00:15:31,134 --> 00:15:32,501
Neither do I!
422
00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:34,837
That's why
I'm at your apartment.
423
00:15:34,922 --> 00:15:36,589
I got on a plane.
I wanted to see you.
424
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,307
What?!
425
00:15:38,392 --> 00:15:40,893
Babe, look, I'm in Mexico.
I came to see you.
426
00:15:40,961 --> 00:15:42,011
Are you serious?
427
00:15:42,095 --> 00:15:43,062
I miss you, Shelby.
428
00:15:43,129 --> 00:15:44,463
You're so sexy, girl.
429
00:15:44,514 --> 00:15:46,632
In or out of the wig.
430
00:15:46,683 --> 00:15:48,651
I don't care. Shelby.
431
00:15:48,735 --> 00:15:50,636
You make me so feel brave, babe,
432
00:15:50,687 --> 00:15:52,738
and I've never felt like this
about anybody else before.
433
00:15:53,306 --> 00:15:54,640
I love you.
434
00:15:54,708 --> 00:15:58,194
And I carry your soul-song
with me wherever I go.
435
00:15:58,262 --> 00:15:59,645
I love you, too.
436
00:15:59,696 --> 00:16:01,647
I'm coming back, baby.
No space!
437
00:16:05,252 --> 00:16:07,286
Are you traveling with any
non-US citizens?
438
00:16:08,255 --> 00:16:10,707
You actually catch people
with that line?
439
00:16:11,792 --> 00:16:13,993
No, sir, just me
and my American heart...
440
00:16:15,044 --> 00:16:16,045
full of love.
441
00:16:18,215 --> 00:16:19,382
Then how do you explain...
442
00:16:21,466 --> 00:16:22,969
this?
443
00:16:24,688 --> 00:16:26,806
I can't... sir.
444
00:16:28,859 --> 00:16:32,328
No one in the entire world
can explain that.
445
00:16:35,193 --> 00:16:37,528
I am so tall!
446
00:16:38,362 --> 00:16:41,281
I feel like a Chinese
basketball player.
447
00:16:41,866 --> 00:16:43,667
Russell?
448
00:16:46,287 --> 00:16:46,903
Oh.
449
00:16:54,045 --> 00:16:55,546
Hey, Jess.
450
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:57,214
I'm not Jess.
451
00:16:57,265 --> 00:17:00,601
I'm her cousin... Sylvia?
452
00:17:02,387 --> 00:17:03,637
Are you doing okay?
453
00:17:04,221 --> 00:17:05,772
I want a donut.
454
00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:09,593
Then let's get you a donut.
455
00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:11,361
Please?
456
00:17:11,429 --> 00:17:14,281
I want to talk
to you... alone.
457
00:17:17,734 --> 00:17:19,318
Well, this is
a fun group.
458
00:17:19,403 --> 00:17:20,904
Hmm. Can you drop me off
at my dorm?
459
00:17:20,955 --> 00:17:21,788
It's called Hamilton.
460
00:17:22,373 --> 00:17:24,458
I'd like to vomit now.
461
00:17:30,615 --> 00:17:33,283
God!
462
00:17:33,334 --> 00:17:35,802
I've never jumped out
of a moving car before!
463
00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:38,172
That was bad-ass!
464
00:17:38,256 --> 00:17:39,723
- Hey, uh, kiddo.
- Okay.
465
00:17:39,790 --> 00:17:41,307
- Nick, that's the road.
- What's up?
466
00:17:41,392 --> 00:17:42,226
You want the woods.
467
00:17:42,293 --> 00:17:43,644
I want the woods.
You're smart, Russ.
468
00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:45,179
- Come here.
- Hey, it was nothing.
469
00:17:45,263 --> 00:17:47,464
You're okay, Russ.
470
00:17:47,515 --> 00:17:50,601
Okay, we can hug
some more later.
471
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,319
This isn't her, you know.
472
00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:53,987
She's not like us.
473
00:17:54,572 --> 00:17:56,290
She's one of the good ones.
474
00:17:57,909 --> 00:18:00,694
Time to make the
puke, Russell.
475
00:18:00,778 --> 00:18:02,446
So listen,
man, it's-it's really
476
00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:03,505
important to us
477
00:18:03,508 --> 00:18:05,649
that our completely equal
sexual relationship
478
00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:07,817
where neither one of us
has the upper hand,
479
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:11,004
uh, remain a secret,
and while I respect
480
00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:13,423
the fact that you listen to
Wicked while you're alone,
481
00:18:13,491 --> 00:18:16,376
I could use that information
against you
482
00:18:16,461 --> 00:18:18,328
at any point
in time.
483
00:18:18,379 --> 00:18:19,880
By the way, there's a stop sign,
like, right up...
484
00:18:19,964 --> 00:18:21,298
Is that a stop sign?
485
00:18:21,366 --> 00:18:22,900
Well, you'd probably want
to slow down...
486
00:18:22,951 --> 00:18:24,535
Oh, my God.
Maybe it's a go sign.
487
00:18:24,602 --> 00:18:26,153
I don't think
it's a go sign.
488
00:18:26,237 --> 00:18:28,322
Because if somebody like you
489
00:18:28,406 --> 00:18:31,208
is sleeping with
someone like her,
490
00:18:31,275 --> 00:18:33,410
then maybe the whole damn
world is upside down!
491
00:18:33,461 --> 00:18:35,245
It's just what
I'm thinking.
492
00:18:37,465 --> 00:18:38,799
And I want to
talk to you.
493
00:18:38,883 --> 00:18:40,500
I want to have a chance
to explain.
494
00:18:40,585 --> 00:18:42,252
That's okay. I understand.
495
00:18:42,303 --> 00:18:44,638
I just... I thought
496
00:18:44,722 --> 00:18:47,791
you wanted a sophisticated lady,
but now I realize that
497
00:18:47,842 --> 00:18:51,094
you like dating younger girls
'cause we think you're cool.
498
00:18:51,145 --> 00:18:52,396
And you know what?
499
00:18:52,463 --> 00:18:54,648
It's working because...
500
00:18:54,732 --> 00:18:57,234
I think you're a hotty
with a body.
501
00:18:57,301 --> 00:18:59,770
Oh. Um...
502
00:19:00,837 --> 00:19:02,739
I got to tell you,
I didn't ask you out
503
00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:03,790
because you're
younger than me.
504
00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:05,325
I asked you out
because I like you.
505
00:19:05,910 --> 00:19:09,997
But I-I've forgotten really
how... how to do this, you know.
506
00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:13,033
I haven't dated since 1989...
507
00:19:14,117 --> 00:19:16,853
when I took her to the
picture show in my buggy.
508
00:19:16,921 --> 00:19:20,457
1989 was, my friend,
509
00:19:20,508 --> 00:19:23,760
the year that I learned
to use the toaster by myself.
510
00:19:23,828 --> 00:19:26,096
Oh.
511
00:19:26,163 --> 00:19:28,382
The text I got at dinner
was from my ex-wife.
512
00:19:28,466 --> 00:19:29,766
Sarah's with her
this weekend,
513
00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:31,301
I didn't pack
her inhaler.
514
00:19:31,352 --> 00:19:32,569
She was having
an asthma attack.
515
00:19:32,637 --> 00:19:34,304
- Is Sarah okay?
- Yeah.
516
00:19:35,055 --> 00:19:36,773
Yeah. Thanks. I-I...
517
00:19:37,341 --> 00:19:39,393
I just feel like I
should have explained.
518
00:19:39,477 --> 00:19:41,011
And I really
wanted to kiss you
519
00:19:41,062 --> 00:19:42,846
- the other night.
- Really?
520
00:19:42,897 --> 00:19:44,898
I wanted to do more
than kiss you.
521
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:46,683
I'd like to do you,
at some point.
522
00:19:46,734 --> 00:19:48,318
Like, you know, really,
523
00:19:48,369 --> 00:19:50,020
really give it to you good.
524
00:19:51,856 --> 00:19:54,041
Uh, but I've forgotten
how to tell
525
00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:56,560
whether it's the right moment.
526
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:58,362
I was nervous.
527
00:19:58,429 --> 00:20:00,330
You were nervous?
528
00:20:00,381 --> 00:20:02,699
Nick was right.
529
00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:05,535
He can be really wise sometimes.
530
00:20:05,586 --> 00:20:07,254
Oh, my God,
it's happening!
531
00:20:07,338 --> 00:20:09,973
It's coming!
I think I'm dying!
532
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:12,075
I feel scared
and excited!
533
00:20:15,646 --> 00:20:16,847
What do you think?
534
00:20:16,898 --> 00:20:18,765
What do I think of what?
535
00:20:18,850 --> 00:20:20,484
Do you think now
is the right moment?
536
00:20:20,551 --> 00:20:22,252
I think so.
537
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,987
Okay.
538
00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:26,823
Get out of me, you poison!
539
00:20:29,577 --> 00:20:32,195
Wait. Is that your hand?
540
00:20:32,646 --> 00:20:33,997
No.
541
00:20:34,065 --> 00:20:35,415
That's my hand.
542
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,567
- Oh, my God!
- You're welcome.
543
00:20:37,618 --> 00:20:39,703
Get out of here, Dirk!
544
00:20:39,754 --> 00:20:41,071
You get out of here...
545
00:20:41,122 --> 00:20:43,290
Come here.
546
00:20:49,263 --> 00:20:51,748
Hey!
547
00:20:51,799 --> 00:20:54,250
Oh, no!
548
00:20:54,302 --> 00:20:57,437
Where are you guys?
549
00:21:00,992 --> 00:21:02,359
Hello?
550
00:21:02,410 --> 00:21:03,727
Hey, where are you guys?
551
00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:06,079
Hey, could I have walked
out into the mountains?
552
00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:08,298
When does a hill
become a mountain?
553
00:21:08,366 --> 00:21:11,501
It just happened.
554
00:21:11,569 --> 00:21:13,036
I'm so cold.
555
00:21:13,087 --> 00:21:14,237
Who is this?
556
00:21:19,677 --> 00:21:22,912
Oh, my God, Dirk is dead!
557
00:21:22,964 --> 00:21:25,447
Dirk is dead!
558
00:21:28,164 --> 00:21:29,947
Greatest guy I knew.
559
00:21:29,949 --> 00:21:34,950
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