1
00:00:01,755 --> 00:00:03,974
Oh, my God.
I love this chicken.
2
00:00:03,976 --> 00:00:05,559
Oh, you know
what they say,
3
00:00:05,561 --> 00:00:09,062
best things in life
are free.
4
00:00:09,064 --> 00:00:11,031
Okay, you're right.
I eat your food a lot.
5
00:00:11,033 --> 00:00:11,982
Now, how about this?
6
00:00:11,984 --> 00:00:13,783
You can raid my fridge
anytime you want.
7
00:00:13,785 --> 00:00:15,569
Oh, that's
very kind of you.
8
00:00:15,571 --> 00:00:18,738
Next time I have a hankering to
wash down a D-cell battery
9
00:00:18,740 --> 00:00:20,407
with a jar of
old pickle juice,
10
00:00:20,409 --> 00:00:22,826
(clicks tongue)
I'll come a-knockin'.
11
00:00:22,828 --> 00:00:24,995
Hey, Raj, you didn't
send your RSVP in.
12
00:00:24,997 --> 00:00:27,914
I'm suppose to ask you if you're
bringing someone to the wedding.
13
00:00:27,916 --> 00:00:29,716
I'll let you know.
14
00:00:29,718 --> 00:00:31,051
Well, can you make it soon?
15
00:00:31,053 --> 00:00:33,086
There's a battle royale going on
over the seating charts.
16
00:00:33,088 --> 00:00:36,789
In one corner, Bernadette's mom,
in the other three, mine.
17
00:00:36,791 --> 00:00:39,643
Yeah, I hate
wedding receptions.
18
00:00:39,645 --> 00:00:41,061
Yeah, I wish the bride and groom
19
00:00:41,063 --> 00:00:42,479
would take a cue
from Bilbo Baggins.
20
00:00:42,481 --> 00:00:45,649
Slip on the ring, disappear,
and everyone goes home.
21
00:00:45,651 --> 00:00:48,485
Mm, you liked
Professor Geyser's wedding.
22
00:00:48,487 --> 00:00:51,054
They had a
make-your-own-sundae bar.
23
00:00:51,056 --> 00:00:53,440
Oh, that was
a night to remember.
24
00:00:53,442 --> 00:00:57,944
Do you know, on one trip,
I just had a bowl of nuts.
25
00:00:57,946 --> 00:01:00,697
Anyway, you got to let me know
if you have a plus one.
26
00:01:00,699 --> 00:01:02,999
Because if not, my mom's trying
to sneak in the doctor
27
00:01:03,001 --> 00:01:05,452
who sucked the fat
out of her neck.
28
00:01:09,006 --> 00:01:10,507
All right, uh, fine.
29
00:01:10,509 --> 00:01:12,509
I'm coming and
I'm bringing somebody.
30
00:01:12,511 --> 00:01:13,960
Uh, Koothrappali plus one.
31
00:01:13,962 --> 00:01:14,827
Who you bringing?
32
00:01:14,829 --> 00:01:15,929
Who are you bringing?!
33
00:01:17,014 --> 00:01:19,216
He's bringing me;
who are you bringing?
34
00:01:19,218 --> 00:01:23,002
Wow, what a bunch of
Nosey O'Donnells.
35
00:01:23,004 --> 00:01:24,537
Come on, who is it?
36
00:01:24,539 --> 00:01:26,389
I'm not telling.
37
00:01:26,391 --> 00:01:29,442
I'm from Asia,
I'm mysterious, deal with it.
38
00:01:30,511 --> 00:01:33,196
Howard aren't having
a make-your-own-sundae bar?
39
00:01:33,198 --> 00:01:35,031
I don't think so.
40
00:01:35,033 --> 00:01:36,066
Well, you should.
41
00:01:36,068 --> 00:01:38,118
50% of marriages end in divorce,
44
00:01:46,461 --> 00:01:50,080
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
45
00:01:50,082 --> 00:01:51,631
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
46
00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,950
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
47
00:01:53,952 --> 00:01:56,586
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
48
00:01:56,588 --> 00:01:59,322
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
49
00:01:59,324 --> 00:02:01,207
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
50
00:02:01,209 --> 00:02:02,162
♪ Bang! ♪
51
00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:05,663
The Big Bang Theory 5x20
The Transporter Malfunction
Original Air Date on March 29, 2012
52
00:02:05,664 --> 00:02:08,764
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
53
00:02:08,768 --> 00:02:10,902
Hello, Mummy, Daddy.
How are you?
54
00:02:10,904 --> 00:02:12,987
Pretty good.
Can't complain.
55
00:02:12,989 --> 00:02:14,556
Oh, I'm sure you can.
56
00:02:14,558 --> 00:02:17,225
Just give it a minute.
57
00:02:17,227 --> 00:02:18,643
Listen, uh,
58
00:02:18,645 --> 00:02:20,862
there's something
I want to talk to you about.
59
00:02:20,864 --> 00:02:23,415
I wasn't ready until now, but...
60
00:02:23,417 --> 00:02:24,982
I think it's time.
61
00:02:24,984 --> 00:02:26,534
It's finally happening.
62
00:02:26,536 --> 00:02:29,137
You're coming out of
the closet, aren't you?
63
00:02:30,189 --> 00:02:33,041
We love you, and we accept
your alternate lifestyle.
64
00:02:33,043 --> 00:02:36,361
Just... keep it to yourself.
65
00:02:36,363 --> 00:02:39,080
No, I'm not gay.
66
00:02:39,799 --> 00:02:42,183
If anything, I'm metrosexual.
67
00:02:42,185 --> 00:02:43,318
What's that?
68
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,019
It means I like women
69
00:02:45,021 --> 00:02:47,272
as well as
their skin-care products.
70
00:02:47,274 --> 00:02:48,990
Well, if you're
not coming out,
71
00:02:48,992 --> 00:02:51,926
why did you call us during
the cricket semifinals?
72
00:02:51,928 --> 00:02:55,063
I'm tired of trying
to meet someone,
73
00:02:55,065 --> 00:02:58,783
and I think I'd like you
to help me find a...
74
00:02:58,785 --> 00:03:00,652
a wife.
75
00:03:00,654 --> 00:03:02,670
And just to clarify...
76
00:03:02,672 --> 00:03:04,439
a female wife?
77
00:03:04,441 --> 00:03:06,791
Yes!
78
00:03:06,793 --> 00:03:09,794
Matchmaking--
very smart move, son.
79
00:03:09,796 --> 00:03:11,946
Much better than
marrying for love.
80
00:03:16,752 --> 00:03:19,354
We married for love.
81
00:03:19,356 --> 00:03:23,024
And it's been
wonderful!
82
00:03:25,311 --> 00:03:29,547
Quantum physics
makes me so happy.
83
00:03:29,549 --> 00:03:30,899
Yeah, I'm glad.
84
00:03:30,901 --> 00:03:33,585
It's like looking
at the universe naked.
85
00:03:34,553 --> 00:03:38,239
(moaning sigh)
86
00:03:40,058 --> 00:03:41,359
(knocking)
87
00:03:41,361 --> 00:03:43,244
Hi. Guys got a minute?
88
00:03:43,246 --> 00:03:44,496
Sure. What's up?
89
00:03:44,498 --> 00:03:47,064
Well, I was thinking about
Sheldon's little joke
90
00:03:47,066 --> 00:03:49,200
the other night about me
eating all your food.
91
00:03:49,202 --> 00:03:51,369
Oh! That was no joke.
But...
92
00:03:52,254 --> 00:03:53,371
I understand your confusion,
93
00:03:53,373 --> 00:03:55,457
as I am our group's
resident cutup.
94
00:03:57,092 --> 00:03:58,193
I'm sorry,
95
00:03:58,195 --> 00:04:00,094
you are our resident cutup?
96
00:04:00,096 --> 00:04:02,430
Yes.
97
00:04:02,432 --> 00:04:04,415
Oh, prove it.
98
00:04:04,417 --> 00:04:05,467
Knock-knock.
99
00:04:05,469 --> 00:04:07,135
- Who's there?
- Interrupting physicist.
100
00:04:07,137 --> 00:04:10,054
Interrupting phys...
Muon! (laughs)
101
00:04:12,808 --> 00:04:15,426
Anyway, I got a little residual
check from my commercial,
102
00:04:15,428 --> 00:04:17,579
and I thought, hey,
how about I get the guys
103
00:04:17,581 --> 00:04:19,931
a little thank you
to pay them back?
104
00:04:19,933 --> 00:04:20,765
So, Sheldon...
105
00:04:20,767 --> 00:04:22,567
ta-da!
106
00:04:22,569 --> 00:04:25,269
(gasps)
A vintage mint-in-box
107
00:04:25,271 --> 00:04:28,272
1975 Mego Star Trek
Transporter
108
00:04:28,274 --> 00:04:29,741
with real transporter action.
109
00:04:29,743 --> 00:04:31,609
Hot darn!
110
00:04:31,611 --> 00:04:34,245
Where did you get that?
111
00:04:34,247 --> 00:04:35,713
From Stuart,
at the comic book store.
112
00:04:35,715 --> 00:04:38,800
You went to the
comic book store by yourself?
113
00:04:38,802 --> 00:04:40,468
Yeah. It was fun.
114
00:04:40,470 --> 00:04:43,805
I walked in, and two different
guys got asthma attacks.
115
00:04:44,807 --> 00:04:46,791
Felt pretty good.
116
00:04:46,793 --> 00:04:49,310
This calls for an
expression of gratitude.
117
00:04:49,312 --> 00:04:52,063
Ooh, am I about to get
a rare Sheldon Cooper hug?
118
00:04:52,065 --> 00:04:54,399
No, not this time.
Then they wouldn't be special.
119
00:04:54,401 --> 00:04:55,800
(clicks tongue)
Thanks, Penny.
120
00:04:57,686 --> 00:04:59,153
You're welcome.
121
00:04:59,155 --> 00:05:01,155
Don't worry,
I didn't forget about you.
122
00:05:01,157 --> 00:05:02,473
Oh...
123
00:05:02,475 --> 00:05:04,692
Leonard, I got you...
124
00:05:04,694 --> 00:05:06,594
a label-maker!
125
00:05:12,484 --> 00:05:15,653
Wow...
126
00:05:15,655 --> 00:05:17,038
No, it's great.
127
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,991
- Also mint-in-box.
- Mm.
128
00:05:19,993 --> 00:05:22,343
And I got you
a transporter, too!
129
00:05:22,345 --> 00:05:23,878
Awesome!
130
00:05:27,383 --> 00:05:29,634
Look, it was actually
designed for
131
00:05:29,636 --> 00:05:31,168
my vintage Mr. Spock
action figure.
132
00:05:31,170 --> 00:05:33,421
Oh, that's great! Let's open
them up and put him in there.
133
00:05:33,423 --> 00:05:35,473
- Open it?!
- Oh, good Lord, no!
134
00:05:35,475 --> 00:05:37,692
Why? They're just toys.
135
00:05:37,694 --> 00:05:39,861
- They're collectibles.
- They're mint-in-box.
136
00:05:39,863 --> 00:05:41,613
Come on. Can't we open
one up and take a look?
137
00:05:41,615 --> 00:05:43,848
(screams)
No, don't!
138
00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:46,985
Once you open the box,
it loses its value.
139
00:05:46,987 --> 00:05:50,321
Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the
same lecture about my virginity.
140
00:05:52,124 --> 00:05:54,325
Gotta tell you,
it was a lot more fun
141
00:05:54,327 --> 00:05:56,511
taking it out
and playing with it.
142
00:05:58,914 --> 00:06:01,866
Are you sure you want us here
when you meet this woman?
143
00:06:01,868 --> 00:06:02,834
Oh, yes.
144
00:06:02,836 --> 00:06:04,002
In my culture, it's expected
145
00:06:04,004 --> 00:06:06,004
to have a chaperone
to oversee a first date.
146
00:06:06,006 --> 00:06:08,590
Plus, I want to make a good
impression, and no offense,
147
00:06:08,592 --> 00:06:12,343
but with you guys here,
I look like I'm six-two.
148
00:06:13,846 --> 00:06:16,848
The nuns always chaperoned
the dances at my high school.
149
00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:20,985
They used to make us leave room
between us for the Holy Spirit.
150
00:06:20,987 --> 00:06:22,520
Uh, Hindus do the same thing.
151
00:06:22,522 --> 00:06:25,523
Except they leave room
for a cow. (chuckles)
152
00:06:25,525 --> 00:06:29,077
Listen, I love your charming
racist humor, but any chance
153
00:06:29,079 --> 00:06:31,446
you could not mock
my religion while she's here?
154
00:06:31,448 --> 00:06:33,665
Yesterday, you made fun of me
for eating lox.
155
00:06:33,667 --> 00:06:35,667
It's different, your people
don't worship lox.
156
00:06:35,669 --> 00:06:38,720
Clearly, you've never been
to brunch with my cousins.
157
00:06:39,838 --> 00:06:41,623
So, arranged marriages--
the parents just decide
158
00:06:41,625 --> 00:06:43,424
and then you have
to get married?
159
00:06:43,426 --> 00:06:45,343
No, no, I get a say in it.
160
00:06:45,345 --> 00:06:47,545
But I'm sure whoever shows up
will be better company
161
00:06:47,547 --> 00:06:48,880
than the threesome
I've been having
162
00:06:48,882 --> 00:06:51,432
with Aunt Jemima
and Mrs. Butterworth.
163
00:06:53,352 --> 00:06:55,053
Excuse me, are you Rajesh?
164
00:06:55,055 --> 00:06:55,937
Ah, yes.
165
00:06:55,939 --> 00:06:56,971
You must be Lakshmi.
166
00:06:56,973 --> 00:06:58,255
Uh, nice to meet you.
167
00:06:58,257 --> 00:06:59,724
Nice to meet you, too.
168
00:06:59,726 --> 00:07:00,608
(chuckles)
169
00:07:00,610 --> 00:07:02,093
Oh! These are my friends.
170
00:07:02,095 --> 00:07:03,778
- This is Bernadette.
- Hello.
171
00:07:03,780 --> 00:07:05,647
- And this is Howard.
- Nice to meet you.
172
00:07:05,649 --> 00:07:08,199
- You, too.
- Please, have a seat.
173
00:07:08,201 --> 00:07:10,902
(quietly):
I'm thinking double wedding.
174
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,326
SPOCK:
Dr. Cooper.
175
00:07:20,129 --> 00:07:23,264
Dr. Cooper?
176
00:07:23,266 --> 00:07:24,499
Is someone there?
177
00:07:24,501 --> 00:07:27,101
Down here.
On your desk.
178
00:07:30,956 --> 00:07:32,790
Spock?
179
00:07:32,792 --> 00:07:35,660
I need to speak with you.
180
00:07:35,662 --> 00:07:38,796
Fascinating.
181
00:07:38,798 --> 00:07:42,150
The only logical explanation
is that this is a dream.
182
00:07:42,152 --> 00:07:44,986
It is not the only
logical explanation.
183
00:07:44,988 --> 00:07:47,555
For example,
you could be hallucinating
184
00:07:47,557 --> 00:07:52,060
after being hit on the head
by, say, a coconut.
185
00:07:52,062 --> 00:07:55,813
Was I hit on the head
by a coconut?
186
00:07:55,815 --> 00:07:59,784
I am not going to
dignify that with a response.
187
00:08:01,036 --> 00:08:02,236
Now to the matter at hand.
188
00:08:02,238 --> 00:08:04,806
You need to play
with the transporter toy.
189
00:08:04,808 --> 00:08:06,257
But it's mint-in-box.
190
00:08:06,259 --> 00:08:07,408
Yes.
191
00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:09,494
And to open it
would destroy its value.
192
00:08:09,496 --> 00:08:12,447
But remember, like me,
193
00:08:12,449 --> 00:08:14,515
you also have a human half.
194
00:08:14,517 --> 00:08:18,502
Well, I'm not going to
dignify that with a response.
195
00:08:18,504 --> 00:08:20,922
Consider this.
196
00:08:20,924 --> 00:08:22,790
What is the purpose of a toy?
197
00:08:22,792 --> 00:08:24,192
To be played with.
198
00:08:24,194 --> 00:08:27,195
Therefore, to not
play with it would be...?
199
00:08:27,197 --> 00:08:28,696
Illogical.
200
00:08:28,698 --> 00:08:32,349
Damn it, Spock, you're right.
201
00:08:32,351 --> 00:08:34,619
I'll do it.
202
00:08:34,621 --> 00:08:36,187
Sheldon, wait.
203
00:08:37,106 --> 00:08:38,740
You have to wake up first.
204
00:08:38,742 --> 00:08:40,858
Oh, of course.
205
00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:44,178
Set phasers to dumb, right?
(chuckles)
206
00:08:45,164 --> 00:08:46,864
Goodie, goodie, goodie!
207
00:08:49,168 --> 00:08:50,668
This is wrong, this is wrong.
208
00:08:50,670 --> 00:08:53,221
I'm so excited,
but this is wrong.
209
00:08:56,091 --> 00:08:57,842
I'm going to do it.
210
00:08:57,844 --> 00:08:59,594
I'm doing it.
211
00:08:59,596 --> 00:09:01,646
I did it.
212
00:09:03,849 --> 00:09:04,899
(sniffs)
213
00:09:04,901 --> 00:09:06,217
(sighs)
214
00:09:06,219 --> 00:09:09,070
That's what I always thought
1975 smelled like.
215
00:09:12,157 --> 00:09:15,493
One to beam down,
Mr. Scott.
216
00:09:15,495 --> 00:09:17,328
Aye, aye, Mr. Spock.
217
00:09:17,330 --> 00:09:18,863
Energize.
218
00:09:22,584 --> 00:09:24,352
Energize.
219
00:09:25,904 --> 00:09:28,072
(plastic clink)
220
00:09:34,379 --> 00:09:35,963
No. No.
221
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:37,965
Don't be broken.
222
00:09:37,967 --> 00:09:40,601
Oh, please, don't be broken.
223
00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:45,556
What did you make me do?!
224
00:09:45,558 --> 00:09:48,860
Okay, okay, think.
225
00:09:55,284 --> 00:09:57,485
It's only logical.
226
00:09:59,955 --> 00:10:00,841
My goodness,
227
00:10:00,842 --> 00:10:02,458
that was delicious.
228
00:10:02,459 --> 00:10:06,261
Well, I hope you saved room
for chocolate lava cake.
229
00:10:06,263 --> 00:10:07,812
Impressive.
230
00:10:08,115 --> 00:10:10,266
What goes into
making something like that?
231
00:10:10,268 --> 00:10:11,984
Well, you start
out by trying to
232
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:15,037
make chocolate soufflé,
and when it falls, you panic,
233
00:10:15,039 --> 00:10:17,940
quickly change the name,
and voila, lava cake.
234
00:10:19,192 --> 00:10:22,244
I bet our parents are dying to
know how things are going here.
235
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,196
Well, let's see.
236
00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,366
Yep, three missed calls.
237
00:10:27,368 --> 00:10:29,168
Four missed calls,
two text messages
238
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,236
and a failed video chat.
I win!
239
00:10:31,238 --> 00:10:32,788
(chuckles)
240
00:10:32,790 --> 00:10:35,508
So, what are
we going to tell them?
241
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:38,344
I'd like to tell them
things are going well.
242
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,512
Me, too.
243
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:41,180
But before we get
their hopes up,
244
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,632
we should probably make sure
we're on the same page.
245
00:10:43,634 --> 00:10:45,551
Okay.
246
00:10:45,553 --> 00:10:47,937
What page are you on?
247
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,221
I'm on the one
248
00:10:49,223 --> 00:10:51,390
where I'm under
a lot of pressure
249
00:10:51,392 --> 00:10:53,926
from my parents to get married
and settle down
250
00:10:53,928 --> 00:10:55,561
and have a family,
251
00:10:55,563 --> 00:10:58,714
and I'm going to do it
so they don't find out I'm gay.
252
00:11:00,383 --> 00:11:02,785
Say again?
253
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,119
I'm gay.
254
00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:06,889
Like... dude-on-dude,
255
00:11:06,891 --> 00:11:09,525
but with women?
256
00:11:09,527 --> 00:11:11,994
I know a fake marriage
isn't an honest way to live,
257
00:11:11,996 --> 00:11:14,446
but you of all people
should know how difficult it is
258
00:11:14,448 --> 00:11:15,948
to come out in our culture.
259
00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:18,784
Why me of all people?!
260
00:11:18,786 --> 00:11:21,237
Well, there's a rumor
back in New Delhi that you're--
261
00:11:21,239 --> 00:11:22,738
how shall we say--
262
00:11:22,740 --> 00:11:25,391
comfortable in a sari.
263
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,476
I'm not gay!
264
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,978
Really? The chocolate lava cake,
265
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,647
the little soaps
in the bathroom, and I'm sorry,
266
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:34,350
but you're wearing
more perfume than I am.
267
00:11:34,352 --> 00:11:38,821
That's Unbreakable
by Khloe and Lamar.
268
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,523
And for your information,
it's unisex.
269
00:11:41,525 --> 00:11:43,242
Fill in the blank.
270
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,977
I love the nightlife...
271
00:11:44,979 --> 00:11:46,428
I like to boogie.
272
00:11:46,430 --> 00:11:47,479
Got you.
273
00:11:47,481 --> 00:11:51,116
With women! I like
to boogie with women!
274
00:11:51,118 --> 00:11:53,052
That's disappointing.
275
00:11:53,054 --> 00:11:55,754
You were exactly the kind
of phony-baloney husband
276
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,323
I was looking for.
277
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,991
Thank you.
278
00:11:58,993 --> 00:12:02,962
And once again, my
baloney likes girls.
279
00:12:02,964 --> 00:12:05,330
W-W-Wait!
280
00:12:05,332 --> 00:12:07,549
You don't want to put a
bite of that in your mouth
281
00:12:07,551 --> 00:12:09,985
without trying my
homemade Chantilly cream.
282
00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:13,656
Yeah, okay,
that time I heard it.
283
00:12:25,902 --> 00:12:29,288
Oh, dear.
284
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:32,791
Two suns and no sunscreen.
285
00:12:37,297 --> 00:12:38,864
Hello again, Sheldon.
286
00:12:40,734 --> 00:12:43,736
What is it now, Tiny Spock?
287
00:12:43,738 --> 00:12:45,804
I am very disappointed in you.
288
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:48,407
You broke your toy
and switched it with Leonard's.
289
00:12:48,409 --> 00:12:50,776
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
290
00:12:50,778 --> 00:12:53,512
You're the one who told
me to play with it.
291
00:12:53,514 --> 00:12:55,814
If I told you to jump off
the bridge of the Enterprise,
292
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,282
would you do it?
293
00:12:57,284 --> 00:13:00,185
Oh, if I got on the bridge
of the Enterprise,
294
00:13:00,187 --> 00:13:02,771
I would never, ever leave.
295
00:13:02,773 --> 00:13:06,925
Trust me, it gets old
after a while.
296
00:13:08,428 --> 00:13:10,429
You must right
your wrongs, Sheldon.
297
00:13:10,431 --> 00:13:12,397
Why? I got away with it.
298
00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:15,918
Leonard has his toy,
and he's never going to open it,
299
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,703
so he won't know it's broken.
300
00:13:17,705 --> 00:13:20,039
And I have a toy
that isn't broken.
301
00:13:20,041 --> 00:13:21,373
Everybody's happy.
302
00:13:21,375 --> 00:13:23,125
Well, I am unhappy.
303
00:13:23,127 --> 00:13:26,061
I thought where you come from
they don't have emotions.
304
00:13:26,063 --> 00:13:30,632
I come from a factory
in Taiwan.
305
00:13:31,534 --> 00:13:33,102
Now, do the right thing.
306
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,770
You know what you are?
307
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:37,923
Well, you're
a green-blooded buzz kill.
308
00:13:37,925 --> 00:13:40,425
Perhaps it's time
you beam on out of here.
309
00:13:40,427 --> 00:13:41,360
Fine.
310
00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:43,512
I will just use
the transporter.
311
00:13:43,514 --> 00:13:44,780
Oh, right.
312
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,216
You broke it.
313
00:13:47,218 --> 00:13:49,401
Very well.
314
00:13:49,403 --> 00:13:52,488
Cooper to Enterprise,
one to beam up.
315
00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:54,623
Energize.
316
00:14:00,830 --> 00:14:02,214
(roaring)
317
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:04,299
(screaming)
318
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:05,818
(grunts softly)
319
00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:08,771
Tiny Spock, help.
320
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:14,977
Ready for lunch?
321
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,428
Yeah, one sec.
322
00:14:16,430 --> 00:14:18,647
Oh, good.
Ma would've killed me
323
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:22,017
if she found out
I broke my retainer.
324
00:14:23,453 --> 00:14:24,903
Hey, uh...
325
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:27,305
can I run something by you?
It's about Lakshmi.
326
00:14:27,307 --> 00:14:29,191
Yeah, sure.
How are things going?
327
00:14:29,193 --> 00:14:30,993
We hit a couple
of bumps.
328
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,161
She lives
over in Manhattan Beach,
329
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:34,279
so it takes, like, an hour
to get there.
330
00:14:34,998 --> 00:14:36,715
And she's a lesbian.
331
00:14:36,717 --> 00:14:39,868
What do you mean,
"she's a lesbian"?
332
00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:42,121
Well, you know how
whenever you and I would try
333
00:14:42,123 --> 00:14:44,489
to hit on women in bars
and they'd blow us off
334
00:14:44,491 --> 00:14:46,675
and then we'd tell each other
they were probably gay?
335
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:47,676
It's like that.
336
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,662
Except this time, it's true.
337
00:14:50,664 --> 00:14:52,998
Then why did she even
go out with you?
338
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,299
She was looking
339
00:14:54,301 --> 00:14:56,685
for a husband so she can
appear to be straight.
340
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,936
And, you know,
341
00:14:57,938 --> 00:15:00,556
it sounded crazy
to me at first...
342
00:15:00,558 --> 00:15:03,675
but I'm actually
thinking about doing it.
343
00:15:03,677 --> 00:15:07,196
Okay, so the reason
that might sound crazy...
344
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,565
is 'cause it's crazy!
345
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,567
Look, Howard,
you're in a relationship.
346
00:15:11,569 --> 00:15:14,069
You know you have
to make compromises.
347
00:15:14,071 --> 00:15:16,789
Yes, but my compromises
are about which bedspread to buy
348
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,408
or whose turn
it is to do the laundry,
349
00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:21,326
Bernadette's or my mom's.
350
00:15:24,998 --> 00:15:26,465
It's a great deal.
351
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,200
We both get our parents
off our backs,
352
00:15:28,202 --> 00:15:30,803
I don't have to come home to an
empty apartment every night.
353
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:33,472
Plus, once I'm married, I
can finally eat carbs again
354
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:36,225
and let myself go.
355
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,543
Why don't you
tell your parents
356
00:15:38,545 --> 00:15:40,929
you want to try
to find someone else?
357
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:43,982
Maybe one who hasn't slept with
more woman than you.
358
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:46,602
Because this one
wants to marry me.
359
00:15:46,604 --> 00:15:49,554
I might never find
another one who does.
360
00:15:49,556 --> 00:15:51,740
So you're seriously thinking
about marrying someone
361
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,742
you're never gonna
have sex with?
362
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,194
I can't believe your attitude.
363
00:15:55,196 --> 00:15:58,280
I thought you were in favor
of gay people getting married.
364
00:16:00,216 --> 00:16:02,534
Yes, to other gay people!
365
00:16:02,536 --> 00:16:06,722
Do you hear how
homophobic you sound?
366
00:16:19,919 --> 00:16:22,554
(sighs)
367
00:16:46,996 --> 00:16:49,948
Oh, I don't want a broken toy.
368
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,804
Nothing!
369
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,306
What?
370
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:59,508
Nothing. I said nothing.
371
00:16:59,510 --> 00:17:00,509
That was weird.
372
00:17:00,511 --> 00:17:02,844
Really? I don't
even notice anymore.
373
00:17:04,564 --> 00:17:06,798
I cannot believe you guys
aren't gonna play with these.
374
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,800
Well, I told you, you don't.
It's mint-in-box.
375
00:17:08,802 --> 00:17:11,637
I don't know.
I just think it's a waste.
376
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:13,805
(squeals)
377
00:17:16,943 --> 00:17:19,644
Relax. I'm just
looking at the box.
378
00:17:19,646 --> 00:17:21,330
Perhaps you should
look with your eyes
379
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:24,649
and not your muscular
Nebraska man hands.
380
00:17:24,651 --> 00:17:27,652
What is your problem?!
381
00:17:27,654 --> 00:17:30,822
My problem is that I don't want
you to break Leonard's toy.
382
00:17:30,824 --> 00:17:32,708
Which you probably
did by shaking it!
383
00:17:32,710 --> 00:17:35,544
She shook it,
we all saw her.
384
00:17:35,546 --> 00:17:36,845
Leonard, I bought you this
385
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,880
'cause I wanted you
to have fun with it.
386
00:17:38,882 --> 00:17:40,849
I don't want it
to sit in this box.
387
00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:43,468
You know,
you're right.
388
00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:44,603
I mean,
it's from you,
389
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,855
I'm never
gonna sell it.
390
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,340
- I'm opening it.
- Yes!
391
00:17:48,342 --> 00:17:50,058
(nervous yelp)
392
00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:02,454
- It's broken.
- What?
393
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,573
Oh, nice job, man hands!
394
00:18:05,524 --> 00:18:06,992
I didn't break it.
395
00:18:06,994 --> 00:18:10,078
I guess Stuart
sold it to me like this.
396
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,664
Yes. Yes, he did.
397
00:18:12,666 --> 00:18:16,134
That is a perfectly satisfying
and plausible explana...
398
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,853
Let's all be mad at Stuart!
399
00:18:18,871 --> 00:18:20,722
You know, I paid
a lot for this.
400
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:22,540
Let's take it
over there and show him.
401
00:18:22,542 --> 00:18:24,026
Absolutely.
402
00:18:26,346 --> 00:18:27,729
Wait!
403
00:18:30,183 --> 00:18:32,401
It was me.
404
00:18:33,569 --> 00:18:35,737
I opened your toy...
405
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:39,691
discovered it was broken
and didn't tell you.
406
00:18:39,693 --> 00:18:42,277
Why would you
open mine?
407
00:18:42,279 --> 00:18:44,496
I didn't. That was a lie.
408
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:47,249
I opened my own toy...
409
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:50,786
and it was already broken,
so I switched them.
410
00:18:50,788 --> 00:18:53,255
You should talk
to Stuart.
411
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,357
I can't, because that was a lie.
412
00:18:56,592 --> 00:18:58,960
Yours was broken
in an earthquake--
413
00:18:58,962 --> 00:19:01,380
and that's a lie.
414
00:19:03,249 --> 00:19:05,083
What is the truth?
415
00:19:05,085 --> 00:19:07,853
My Mr. Spock doll
came to me in a dream
416
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:09,604
and forced me to open it.
417
00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:13,692
And when the toy broke,
I switched it for yours.
418
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,760
Later, he encouraged me
to do the right thing,
419
00:19:15,762 --> 00:19:17,095
and I defied him.
420
00:19:17,097 --> 00:19:20,399
And then I was attacked
by a Gorn.
421
00:19:23,669 --> 00:19:26,321
Okay, that I believe.
422
00:19:26,323 --> 00:19:28,773
Leonard, Penny, I just,
I want you both to know
423
00:19:28,775 --> 00:19:31,109
that I regret my actions
towards the two of you.
424
00:19:31,111 --> 00:19:33,111
That's a lie.
425
00:19:33,113 --> 00:19:35,664
So, is that one mine?
426
00:19:35,666 --> 00:19:36,665
Yes.
427
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:38,750
Well, hand it over
so I can open it.
428
00:19:38,752 --> 00:19:40,385
Okay.
429
00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:43,121
And, Leonard, even though
I don't have one anymore,
430
00:19:43,123 --> 00:19:45,457
I hope you have fun
playing with it.
431
00:19:45,459 --> 00:19:48,310
And that's a lie, right?
It's a big, fat whopper.
432
00:19:49,795 --> 00:19:51,646
I hope it breaks.
433
00:19:56,989 --> 00:19:58,064
This is a treat.
434
00:19:58,065 --> 00:19:59,931
What brings
you guys by?
435
00:19:59,933 --> 00:20:03,284
Raj, Howie told me what's
going on with you and Lakshmi.
436
00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:04,819
You told her?
437
00:20:04,821 --> 00:20:07,255
I told everybody.
438
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:10,158
We believe there's
someone out there
439
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,660
who will love
you for you.
440
00:20:11,662 --> 00:20:13,528
Actually, we kind of
agreed to disagree
441
00:20:13,530 --> 00:20:15,580
on that one,
but we both think
442
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,815
you shouldn't
marry this woman.
443
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,818
So, while I'm waiting for
this mysterious perfect match
444
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:24,172
who may or may not exist,
I'm supposed to just be alone?
445
00:20:24,174 --> 00:20:26,508
Not necessarily.
I think
446
00:20:26,510 --> 00:20:30,428
we found someone
for you to cuddle with.
447
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:33,431
(gasps)
Oh, my goodness.
448
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:37,668
Aren't you the cutest
little Yorkie ever!
449
00:20:38,854 --> 00:20:40,671
You got him for me?
450
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:44,059
Her. We thought you two
would hit it off.
451
00:20:44,061 --> 00:20:45,510
I think we already have.
452
00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:47,345
Thank you guys so much.
453
00:20:47,599 --> 00:20:51,401
Let's go see
if you fit in my man purse.
454
00:20:53,173 --> 00:20:55,039
Heterosexual, my ass.
455
00:20:55,041 --> 00:20:59,041
== sync, corrected by elderman ==