- Snooki's gonna be drinking,
And she's gonna be mad drunk tonight.
Our boy unit's here.
This is like the perfect storm.
This is the key witness to the crime.
- So you'll be at jenks? - Yeah, I'm gonna go there.
- All right, cool, so I'll see you there.
- All right. - All right, bye.
Tonight Joey's meeting us, and I'm really excited.
- Do you want to dance?
- Like, if jionni wasn't in this equation,
I'd hook up with vinny, obviously.
Let's go and have sex. - Not here.
I'm not gonna lie. - Can we cuddle tonight?
- Yeah.
This is kinda questionable what I'm doing.
- Cool.
- Dj pauly delvecchio!
- I'm going to the Jersey shore, bitch!
- All right, we got a situation.
- I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.
- After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.
- Go vinny! Go vinny!
- You like the boobs?
Adriano_CSI www.addic7ed.com
- Yeah!
- Are we all going to jenks? - Yeah.
- Cool. What time?
- At 11:00. - Okay.
- Let's go to jenks!
- Hi. - What's up,?
- Vin went crazy tonight.
He was dancing, taking shots.
- Cool story, snooks.
- Vinny and Nicole walk in the door,
And I'm just like, I'm definitely interested
In finding out what's going on.
- Did you have fun? - Yep.
- Me and vin went to aztec. Are you jealous?
- Did you guys make out?
- We just played, like,
Did you have any, like, sexual tension there?
How was it?
- I was just playing pool to play pool.
- You don't walk around here
Like you can just take my man on dates.
- Um, actually, I took him.
- Was it a full-service date?
- Um, no, but I tried to get him drunk,
But it didn't work, so...
- Yo, stop trying to get in my man's pants.
You coming to jenks? - Really?
- Why, should I not? - Dude, absolutely.
- Cool, I'm going to sleep. - You should absolutely come.
- Going to sleep. - Hey, get over here!
Come here, snook. - Bye.
- Okay, dramatic performance. - I'm going to sleep.
Toodlepants.
- Hello. - What's up? It's Joey.
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Nothing.
- I am extremely excited about seeing Joey tonight.
I actually think I like this kid.
- Uh, listen, are you guys still going to jenks?
- Yeah, we're going to jenks.
- Oh, uh, listen,
I'm actually not gonna come down there.
I kinda feel bad that I'm calling to cancel on you.
Um, what are you guys doing tomorrow?
- Tomorrow I think we're going to karma.
- I think, like, uh,
We must just go there tomorrow too.
- Okay. - All right?
- All right, well, then I will see you tomorrow then.
- Definitely. I'll see you tomorrow.
- All right, bye.
I'm pretty disappointed Joey can't come to see me.
Everybody here has a boyfriend.
It's like, I kinda feel like I want a boyfriend.
Hmm.
Changing my outfit now.
- Yo, rammi, you coming out to jenks?
- I'm exhausted.
- Hell no.
- Oh! - Oh, phone's ringing.
- Phone's ringing. - Phone's ringing!
- Somebody get that. Oh.
- The people in couples,
Like, it sucks they're not coming out tonight.
Like, Ronnie and Sam are sleeping.
Jenni and Nicole are sleeping.
Like, why even have a shore house
If you're just gonna sleep?
Yo, we're bringing it back like last time, m.V.P.D.
- That's it?
- Yeah, there's just four of us tonight.
- Only the single people are going out.
- Ow,.
- Get it, girl.
- You're coming with me later.
- Don't make my dress go up, okay?
- All right.
It's really crowded in jenks.
This hot chick comes over to me.
She's from, like, New York.
She's Italian. Her name's Gina.
Dope.
I might be in love, I don't know.
It's like a perfect Friday night.
Whoa, what up, girl?
How ya doing? What's going on?
We see Angelina at jenks,
And I'm trying to avoid her.
Long time no see.
I didn't want to chill with her.
I don't want people seeing me with her.
That's a bad look for me.
I kept it moving.
- Ten minutes before we gotta leave.
- Okay.
- You're gonna come with me, right?
- Are you gonna take care of me?
Like, you're gonna be nice?
- I promise.
You're so cute, how could I not be?
- Yeah, I know. I'm down.
- I'm just so good with women.
There definitely should be a butter named after me
'cause I'm so smooth.
I want you to be happy.
- Okay, okay.
- Bye. - Thank you.
- Let's roll outta here.
- Hell yeah! Hell yeah!
- Wait, are you coming home with us?
- This is my girl.
- Ladies first.
- Thank you.
- This is like a little frat house.
I'm gonna change real quick.
I can give you, like, sweatpants.
I'll be right back.
- I'm sorry, I just, like...
I'm just shy.
- Unfortunately, Christy turned into
She was down to snuggle, down to make out,
And that's it.
- Sit and talk.
- It's now or never.
Situation don't do appointments for next time.
Just wait one minute. I'll be right back.
- My girl Gina's d.T.F. For sure.
- Sorry, but I'm on my period.
- Like, damn, come to find out
She has, like, her friend this month.
And it is what it is.
Okay? - Okay.
Oh, are we leaving? - Yeah.
- Bye-bye. - Bye.
- Good-bye. Call me.
I definitely don't want her to hang around.
Take your girl and your tampons with you.
See you later.
- What happened?
- She has my number. She is going to call me.
- Nothing says romance
More than clone-a- and handcuffs.
- lick, candy penis.
- Brings back memories.
- Yeah, buddy.
I don't know what I'd do without vinny,
'cause right now there's no single people
In this house basically.
It's like couples' retreat.
I feel like I need to be in a relationship in the house.
I just woke up just now,
And I gotta get my girl out of the crib.
Her name was, um... name was, uh...
What was her name? Eh.
- Mwah. Nice meeting you.
- Seemed like she was d.T.F.,
But at the end of the day nothing's ever a sure thing
Till you get them back to the crib.
- New York water bagel.
- Yeah, can I place an order for delivery, please?
- What you want, hon?
- Wanna do what pauly usually gets.
He usually gets a chocolate chip bagel.
Also a side of home fries.
Can I get a yellow gatorade?
- A yellow one? - Yeah, for Ronnie.
I'm starving. I'm ordering breakfast.
But guess what, I think of others,
So I'm ordering breakfast for the whole team.
I'm gonna pay by credit card.
Breakfast for all. Situation's ordering.
What up, homey?
Wait one second.
Breakfast is at the door right now,
And I'm like, , I got no cash
To tip the delivery boy.
What am I gonna do?
Pauly, yo, do you have, like, a five or something?
I feel bad for this, this kid.
- I told you, I couldn't go to the atm yesterday.
- Oh, all right, well, I'm gonna have to...
Who else is in this mother crib?
Deena, I need, like,
Like three singles or something.
- I don't have any cash on me.
I'll send him away with juice or something.
Here he goes. Look at this here.
Have a protein shake.
In the guido world,
Protein is like money.
Yo, here you go.
Thanks to you, dog.
- What is this? - Protein shake.
- Protein shake? - Yeah.
I'm giving out protein powder.
I'm trying to better your life.
Thanks.
Fix the diet, kid.
- What up?
- I got you a chocolate chip bagel.
- Yeah, buddy.
So I get up, and Mike has already
Had breakfast for me on the table.
What a good guy.
- Where'd you go?
- I ordered it in.
- Yeah, buddy.
Last night was fun.
- Yeah, it was.
- How was jenks?
- Oh, my God. - packed.
- I kept just going back to sleep upstairs.
- Roger's coming tonight,
So I wanna go to the sex store.
Today is me and Roger's one-year anniversary,
And I can't wait to see him later.
Are you ready? - Yeah.
- Oh, I have to get my stuff.
- For my one year, I really don't know what to do.
I just figure I'm gonna go fun.
Fake rose petals
With, like, a bunch of bondage things
Laid out on the bed.
- It should be a good time.
- I can't wait to get the vagina mold.
Maybe I should get Ron the mold.
- ♪ ow
- How are you?
Boobie tassels.
Can't get away at karma with that.
- lick, candy penis.
- Oh, we had that last year.
That brings back memories.
Might just have to buy one.
I've tried to set up a "romantic" night for Roger.
Nothing says romance
More than clone-a- and handcuffs.
- Bye, thank you.
- I bought coconut for Roger's penis.
- I have the sexiest outfit tonight too.
And I'm wearing my leopard bra to make my boobs really big.
I'm gonna get Joey to leave early.
- You like Joey? - Yeah.
- 'cause I heard some crazy.
- Actually, I thought he was a little sketchy at first.
- For whatever reason, I just look at Joey
And I see bad news.
- Can we just not talk about it?
- Yeah, let's talk about whatever.
- It's like, regardless whoever I talk to,
There's always a problem.
The girls are just pissing me off
With the whole Joey thing.
Like, you guys have boyfriends. You don't get it.
Like, don't, like, try and rain on my parade.
I don't think he's like that.
- It's your life, that's it.
- Yeah, I don't really care.
- I wanna make sure my friend knows
That maybe she should just keep her eyes open.
I don't know what's going on.
I just feel like I'm psychic half the time,
And I get feelings.
- Can we stop by that hair place
So I can pick up my extensions?
- Yeah.
Oh, check it out.
Do you honestly think he likes her?
- I don't think he does.
- Me either.
- Single gang or die.
We take the bed and we put it outside
So that the smush room can't be used anymore
For a couple's retreat.
Ugh, I just got pregnant.
- Tonight's the night.
- Yeah, he's around? - Yeah.
I've been trying to plan this master plan
For a number of weeks now.
She's gotta get her medicine. That's it.
- Yo, we gots to go.
Snooks, you coming, girl?
Just fill that joint up.
Fill it up and then we'll get a coke.
You know what, it's time to go to work right now.
Yo, vin-dog, see ya. - Later, bro.
- Bye, you.
- Myself, snooki, and Ronnie
Have got to get our work on.
- Yo, what flavor of gatorade is that?
- Shut up, Ron! Jerk.
- Who's ready to press t-shirts?
- You guys need any help?
You know, when I woke up today I said to myself,
"uh, today's gonna be a good day at the shore store."
And what would he like? - It's right there.
- All right, let's go this way.
Yes, yes.
I got a blue t-shirt, tom.
Anybody?
- Can you help me?
- Oh, of course. What's up, girl?
My shore store performance is on, you know,
Mythical proportions today.
Uh, I need an n-25, n-25.
10 back, 15 back.
- Mike, why don't you have a shirt on, man?
- I've been busy working hard.
I'm just making sale after sale.
Black sweatshirt right here. Is this all you got?
- Can't you just go on the floor and make some sales?
- No, I do the press.
- And this is, uh, 25.
- Ho.
Mike is actually working today.
I'm surprised.
- Thanks, Mike.
- Yo, pauly d, what's good?
- Is it possible to be too fresh?
Because if it is, I am,
And I don't want you to get drowned out by my freshness.
- Let's go.
Shots on me.
- Ej's?
- Just gonna go play pool at ej's.
I was killing it in pool yesterday.
- Yeah?
You were playing snooki.
You got quarters?
I don't know what I'd do without vinny,
'cause right now there's no single people
In this house basically.
- I just think if everyone was single,
It would be like...
It would be fun, you know what I'm saying?
- 'cause everybody will be single,
Bring their single friends. - Exactly.
- There will be all single girls all over the place,
And then we just go out, have a good time.
Yeah, buddy.
Yo, you hear what jenni's doing tonight?
- What?
- It's her and Roger's anniversary.
So they're... she decorated the smush room
As, like, all decorated for their anniversary.
- Oh, nice and classy.
- Get their own shore house.
It's like couples' retreat.
I feel like I need to be in a relationship in the house.
You know?
- That's why we're in a relationship.
- Yo, game.
Double game.
- Yeah, someone got Booty shorts.
You can get stuff on the front or the back.
- Excuse me, jerk.
- Who got Booty shorts?
- Oh, my God, I'm having sex tonight after karma.
Thank God.. - You are?
- Have, like, nightmares.
- Nicole, Mike, Ronnie, take a little break.
- All right. - Oh, cool.
- I'm gonna pee first.
- Don't pee on the floor!
- During break, I'm just gonna chill back and relax.
- You don't want to go anywhere?
- I'm chilling back.
All right, you guys go. I'm gonna chill back.
I'll see you guys in a little bit.
- You wanna go on a ride?
- Yeah, I'll do that.
- Yo. - Yo!
- What up, dude? - What up, my dude?
Tonight's the night. - Yeah, he's around?
- Yeah, I gotta make sure that you're there,
'cause I know he's gonna be there.
And we gotta make it happen tonight, man, you know?
- Let's do it.
- I've been trying to plan this master plan
For a number of weeks now.
And time is running out. The summer is almost over.
It's got to go down.
She tried to play me like a chess piece recently,
So the girl's gotta get her medicine,
She's gotta get her medicine, that's it.
I don't lie about things.
I'm definitely not leaving this house
Without showing people that I'm not a liar.
All right, brother, peace.
- Oh, there we go.
- How the are we gonna carry all this?
- We got back to the house, mission accomplished.
I'm gonna shower, then decorate the smush room
With rose petals and bondage equipment.
- Oh, my God. - Just saying.
I'm really excited for my date with Roger tonight.
It's a little different,
But I'm just trying to keep it fun,
Because me and Roger aren't very romantic.
I'm so gross, I can't wait to shower.
- Later, my man. - Later, man.
- Take care, thank you. - Ice cream!
What's our next order of business?
Do you wanna retake, reclaim the smush room?
The smush room is supposed to be for single people,
Not for everybody to bring in their boyfriends every night.
So we found out a solution.
- If we take the bed out,
The couples will stop using the smush room.
- Mm-hmm.
This is the best day of my life.
- Single gang or die.
- Yeah, buddy.
- Me and pauly do a little fix to the smush room.
It's not much, but it's some kinda message
To the people.
And we take the bed, and we put it outside
So that the smush room can't be used anymore
For a couple's retreat.
Ugh, I just got pregnant.
Ugh!
Dude, I just got some of Mike's baby on my chin.
- How is that different from any other night?
Let's disguise it.
All right.
Busted.
- Jenni's gonna be pissed
Because she has this whole anniversary thing planned,
And the smush room bed is outside.
Like, what is she gonna do now?
- Oh, , we got busted.
- Big time. - You didn't see anything.
You say one word to anyone, I'll kill you.
- Busted big time, yes.
Your sister was nice enough to give you her whole outfit?
Is that a jirt? - It is a jirt.
- I loved you in the Dukes of Hazzard.
- Oh, the smush room?
- What the happened to the smush bed?
- I know. Watch yourself.
- Let's disguise it. - All right.
- busted.
- Oh, , we got busted. - Big time.
- You didn't see anything.
You say one word to anyone, I'll kill you.
- That sucks. - Sucks.
Leave it to Sammi to be.
Think they can't see it now?
- Mm-hmm, now they can't definitely see it.
'cause I can barely see it.
Wait, where did we put it? - I don't know.
- You got busted big time.
What's next on our list of bringing our shore house back?
is about to hit the fan.
Let's go to sleep.
- Wait.
What the happened to the smush bed?
- I know. Watch yourself.
- Where is it?
Who put it there?
- I'll give you two guesses.
- I don't know who to blame right now,
But the only thing I can think of,
Whoever did this is gonna get it back tenfold.
Who moved the smush bed?
- Got my back, bro? - Mm-hmm.
- Did you guys relocate the smush bed?
look at his face.
You're such an ass.
That was a good prank though.
I've tried to set up a "romantic" night for Roger,
And these ass are everything up.
I have to think of something really good
To get them back.
- How you gonna get that yourself?
- Supposedly it's light.
Pfft.
Ew, it's so dirty.
I didn't think it would be this hard to have sex.
After I get the bed back in,
I am gonna decorate it Jersey style
With rose petals and bondage equipment.
That's my romance.
Toys.
There we go.
How romantic.
So romantic.
Rose petals and handcuffs, d.
- Oh, my God. Is he gonna flip?
- He's gonna die, and his presents are out there.
- Holy.
- Ew!
glass.
Ew!
Our plan to reclaim the smush room
Didn't amount to anything
Because we're outnumbered by couples.
Eventually the couples are gonna win.
So jenni brings the bed back in
And turns it into a old person smush room.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Clone-a-Willy kit?
- This is a shore house.
This is not an old age home.
- I'm scared of that.
- Yeah. - I'm scared of that.
- ♪ this is that boom
♪ this is that fire
♪ this that stop, wait, wait ♪
♪ look at my attire
- Holy!
Now that's a nice shirt.
- ♪ this that gimme, gimme ♪
♪ I got plenty amplifier
♪ this is that boom
♪ this is that fire
♪ this that stop, wait, wait ♪
♪ look at my attire
- Hi, monkey.
- Oh, you look so nice. - Huh?
Every time you answer the door,
You're, like, more naked than the last time.
- You can't wear that shirt.
- Sup, Ronnie?
- I will make it very special for Roger
On our one-year anniversary.
And of course I'm gonna have sex with Roger.
You know, it's, like, what old couples do.
They have, like, their one time a year.
- What?
No way!
- I went shopping today.
- No way, baby. That's awesome.
- And there's toys.
Roger's a great guy.
I never expected to find someone like him,
Especially here, 'cause you never want
To fall in love at the Jersey shore.
- Clone a... no!
We were talking about this.
- But I did, and I couldn't be happier.
Like, I really lucked out,
And I'm happy to say he's my boyfriend.
And that's your... when you wake up.
- Awesome, perfect.
- A lean bar, drink.
- Where's my metamucil and fiber bar?
- So stupid.
- ♪ 'cause we clubbin'
♪ and we buzzin'
♪ yes we gonna get it in till the night fall ♪
- So the whole crew is going to karma tonight,
Karma Saturday night. Should be good night.
I got my plaid t-shirt on with the denim in it.
I'm ready to go right now.
- ♪ it's going down, some more rounds ♪
♪ I'm outta control
♪ a lot of groovin' on music and alcohol ♪
- Look at this guy!
Where's your tan, vanilla ice?
- One minute.
- Your sister was nice enough to give you her whole outfit,
Shoes and all?
- When I cook tonight,
Can I use your shirt as the barbecue mat?
- Is that... is that a jirt?
- It is a jirt.
That's a jirt!
- Yo, can we just call you "virkel"?
- Where's the fun? Where's the fun?
- I loved you in the Dukes of Hazzard.
That's all I'm saying.
- Yeah, buddy.
- All right, over. - Yeah, we're done.
- Whoo!
- excuse me.
- You look pretty.
- She looks really good. - Uh-huh.
- Really? - Uh-huh.
The best I've seen ya. - That's what I think.
- You're looking forward to seeing Joey tonight, huh?
- I'm wearing my bombshell bra.
- No more Joey.
- I don't know, I like him.
- He wants to get it in just like you.
That's all he wants to do.
He doesn't want to go out with you.
He wants to get it in. He's being nice.
- Yeah, he calls.
- For Ron to confirm the fact
That Joey does not like deena
Is like the icing on the cake.
- I don't know. - Where's jionni?
Is he coming out? - Yeah, he'll be there.
- He'll be there?
- So it's going down tonight.
Sit back, gr your popcorn, and watch,
'cause, you know, it's been a little too calm lately.
So cop some drama, cop some action.
Trouble's my middle name.
- Cabs are here. - Cabs are here.
- Cab's here.
- ♪ devil's trance
♪ fall in as you're living in the wild ♪
♪ you're the devil's child
- She's getting what she deserves pretty much.
You know what I mean? - Yeah.
- It's time for payback, snooki.
- Oh, God.
I need you to come home with me.
- Guy in the red shirt.
- I could just see the future.
I'm sitchtradamus. This is gonna get bad.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- ♪ one, get outta your seat
♪ and two, make your way to the floor ♪
♪ and three, put your hands in the air ♪
♪ and
- Whoo.
- I'm walking around karma,
And then I bump into jionni's mother and his father.
I miss you guys.
- Where's jionni? - Where's jionni?
- I don't know.
Like, I love them so much, and the fact that, you know,
They still love me after everything that's happened
In Italy, I mean, I'm very thankful for that.
Cheers. I miss you guys.
- Thank you! - Whoo!
- I got my boy out here.
Can you get my boy in right here?
My boy unit is an integral part of this mission.
He is actually the witness
To myself and Nicole hooking up.
And it's time to go over the master plan.
Yo, once we find him and her, which we will,
You gotta be like, "I don't know if you know
"about those rumors, you know,
"right before Italy with Mike and Nicole.
But, pretty much, I was there. It happened."
You know, snooks tried to play me out once before,
And it's time for payback.
You know, it's time to take your own medicine, snooki.
It's going down tonight.
All right, let's go locate but from a distance.
- ♪ I wear my heart on my sleeve ♪
♪ until I leave it on the dance floor ♪
- What up, deena? - Hey, baby.
- ♪ back, forth
♪ show me the bar, I raise it ♪
♪ I got monsters in my closet ♪
♪ and your girlfriend in my basement ♪
- I heard some stuff about you.
- What?
- I heard, like, you're hanging out with me
For the wrong reasons.
- Who told you that?
- You know, people.
- You can listen to them or you can't.
You can listen to me. It's not the truth at all.
It's not like that.
- He's, like, denying it.
It's like, deny, deny, deny.
Are you frickin' kidding me?
I don't know what to believe anymore.
Do you want to come back with me?
I have to leave a little early.
- We'll figure it out. Let's have fun.
I just got here.
- I want you to come home with me, so I'm just saying.
- Joey's completely on my radar.
Deena's, like, one of my best friends in this house.
Like, I look out for her.
As much as she doesn't want to hear
Negative things sometimes, I will look out for her,
And I will tell her the truth.
I don't know about him.
I don't want you to get hurt or over
Or deal with bull.
Because I care about you.
And I... anything, I will tell you.
Anyway, let's have a good r%me.
- Okay.
- No, listen, listen, listen.
This is not me directly going at it,
You know what I'm saying?
Like, "a", she went at you a couple weeks ago.
"b", she tried to play me like a chess piece,
Like a week ago, me against the boys.
So, like, it's a combination
Of gym, tan, tell the truth,
And a combination of , you know, counterattack.
And she's getting what she deserves pretty much.
You know what I mean? - Yeah.
- Myself and unit,
We're ready to blow up, you know, Nicole's spot.
Yo, this way!
Yeah, give her a taste of her own medicine.
- Oh, God.
I don't really like his friends.
Oh, God, right when I see the unit,
I'm like, oh, my God, turn around.
Like, I don't want him to see me.
Like, so weird.
- Hi, how are you?
- I'm jionni's mom. - Oh, hi, how are you?
- My roommate, Mike. - Nice to meet you.
- Jionni's dad. - Hi, how are you?
Wow, the whole family's here.
Wow.
Like, the night can't get any worse.
It isn't a good thing that jionni's family is there,
Because, you know, it just messes things up.
You don't want things to get too messy.
Is jionni on his way here?
Oh, cool. Cool, cool, cool.
It's gonna happen.
The moment will present itself,
And the situation will present the truth.
It was nice to meet you guys though.
Pleasure's all mine.
Thanks, guys. Pleasure to meet you guys.
- ♪ so what the business is
♪ lady who you came with
♪ I can tell what you drinking ♪
♪ by reading your body language ♪
- Ahh!
- I like money and women.
- I usually say , it works better.
- It works... they run away quicker?
Karma tonight, honestly, I've seen better.
There's a lotta, lotta grenades here tonight.
- I'm so up right now.
These are always like...
This is crazy, right?
- When it comes to grenades,
You just need to bounce before that blows up.
You don't want it to blow up in your face
Or even at the club 'cause you don't wanna hurt anybody.
Look at that Jean shirt.
Ready? - Yeah.
- ♪ ride on, yeah
♪ let you, let you, let you ride on ♪
♪ you got to just ride on, yeah ♪
♪ you just need to ride on
♪ you got to just ride on
- I need you to come home with me, so...
- Whenever you want.
- Whenever you wanna go, I am so down.
- I gotta handle some before somebody leaves.
- Mom! Are they still here?
- No, they left.
- I'm gonna walk, I'm gonna walk.
Oh, , what's up, man?
How are you? - Good, how you doing?
- Hey, what's up, dog. What are you guys doing?
- We're gonna go have a cigarette.
- Gonna have a cigarette.
- Oh, you guys walking around? Chilling?
- Right. - Yo, cool, cool, cool.
- What up, bro? - How are you?
- Yo.
Yo, we gotta get some shots in a little bit.
Some shots.
- Let's just leave.
I just wanna go home because I don't want
Unit or Mike to start any drama,
Because they're ass, and it's not necessary.
Let's just go.
- I think she knows. I think she knows.
She gave me this look,
And she grabbed jionni real quick,
And I'm like, she knows.
She knows what's up.
- Why don't we just get... no, why don't we just get out?
- Nicole, Nicole.
- You're definitely gonna have to come home
With me now dude, 'cause she exited the club.
- She left? - Yeah.
Jionni and snooki bounced.
They left the club.
She pulled a quick eject button.
What am I gonna do now? Plan "b."
Counterattack. I gotta go back to the crib.
It's almost like you're in a pen, right?
And you got a pit bull and a chicken.
Eventually, the chicken's gonna get caught,
You know what I'm saying?
- Are you really gonna hang out with me?
I wanna know if Joey likes me or if he's using me for sex.
- I'm gonna go over here. - Stop being a.
- There's no damn way
That this kid just walked in front of me
And Nicole's still sleeping.
Yo, can I talk to you for a second?
It's, like, kinda private.
- Wet t-shirt contest! - Yes, yes.
I like wet t-shirt contests.
- No bras allowed.
- Festivities will begin.
All right, you guys ready?
Come now, let's go.
- Who's next?
- Oh!
- Ohh!
- Everybody's into the water balloons,
And they are blasting these girls with water balloons.
But it is the best day ever.
All the girls are loving it.
- Okay, jionni.
Ahh!
Yum.
Cool.
- ♪ make some noise
♪ it's a party in here
- Yo, help me get away from this girl.
- We gotta go back to the home base.
That's how we do it.
- I don't know what is it
With these girls at this club right now.
I wanted to get some hot chicks,
But sometimes it is what it is.
You don't gotta smash every night.
- Honestly, we really should turn gay.
- Where's Joey?
Where's Joey? - Walking over there.
- Right now I'm just, like, annoyed.
I wanna know if Joey likes me or if he's using me for sex.
- You all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Are you really gonna hang out with me?
- That's, like, the tenth time you've asked me that.
Please stop asking me that.
- No, I'm just being honest with you.
- I know, I'm being honest with you.
Stop asking me that. It's, like, annoying.
- Fine, well, I don't really care if it's annoying.
I have to ask you because this is what I've been hearing.
- I know, but if you're somebody
Who listens to what everybody says,
Then I don't wanna talk to you in general.
- I'm not, but I have to ask you.
'cause I also heard that you don't like me at all.
- I'm gonna go over here.
- That's fine. You do what you want.
Stop being a.
At this point, like, I'm over it.
You know, I'm embarrassed.
Like, you know, I put myself out there for this kid,
And now I'm just like, "you."
I don't care. He's annoying.
Ugh, I can never win.
it. I've had enough.
- Can you believe that chick?
- Oh, my God.
- It's all right, don't worry about her.
- Yo.
Let's go.
- All right, we're all going.
- My feet hurt. I can't move.
I'm dead.
- Hi, babe. - Hi, monkey.
- Rog, you got a clone-a- at home.
- I'm gonna come in,
And then I'm gonna slap it on your forehead.
- Are you gonna clone your?
- Holy.
- Dude, what are you doing?
- I have nothing.
- All right, now you gotta come home with me, bro.
Bro, bro, bro.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chill.
Right now, my boy unit, he seems a little,
You know, drunk.
This is not a good situation.
Come with us this way. Come with us this way.
I really need unit to be on point right now.
Jionni and snooki left the club.
So we're gonna have to get jionni back at the house.
I'm taking you back to the crib.
I'm gonna sober you up.
I'm gonna change you up, okay?
- I got up. - Yeah, you drank too much.
I'm handling your business right now,
And I just need to get you just a little bit more sober
So that you can handle some of my business.
So that's... stop.
Stop, stop. You're drunk.
- You guys, it's your anniversary.
- I'm just here for the ride.
- Oh,. You good?
- Yeah, I'm straight.
- Oh, it's so cold.
- Oh, this is perfec
It's cool, calm, collected.
- What's gonna go on upstairs is just gross.
- I am getting through all obstacles necessary right now.
All right, this is what's called...
- And you got your... and you got your best friend.
- Just keep drinking your water.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Keep... keep... keep drinking.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. You're drunk.
I've never really seen unit this drunk.
Unit's so wasted right now
That even after, like, three bottles of water,
I had to pretty much carry him home.
Just chill because you know how the fuzz is when you're drunk,
You know what I mean?
The fuzz likes to get at you when you're drunk.
- everybody.
- Stop, stop.
I could just see the future.
I'm sitchtradamus. This is gonna get bad.
Watch out.
- Hey, guy in the red shirt.
Across the street.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Officers, watch out.
Wow, you know, the night couldn't get any crazier.
- Put your hands behind your back.
- All right, got him.
- Unit was just, you know, too intoxicated,
And he gets arrested.
- I didn't... I didn't do anything.
- What the is this kid doing, man?
- Watch your head.
- I can't even catch a break here.
Every time I'm ready to drop the bomb on jionni,
Something happens.
I gotta go call somebody now.
- ♪ until the spotlights
♪ come from the men in blue ♪
♪ and when they do
♪ we'll run into the trees
♪ oh, you better take cover ♪
♪ 'cause here come the police ♪
- Yo. - Yo, Mikey.
Yo, the unit just got arrested, dude.
- Oh,. - Yeah, so call Tim.
On the walk home, unit is wasted
And gets arrested.
I can't let the poor kid,
Like, rot or whatever.
Mission free unit.
- All right, peace. - Bye.
- Mike, go to bed.
- What? - Let's go to bed.
- I can't go to bed, dude.
I gotta make sure that, you know, he's okay.
- He'll be fine.
They're not gonna let him out now.
I know from experience, they're not letting him out now.
Not till tomorrow.
Wake up early in the morning,
Call up again.
Right now you're gonna get nowhere.
You know, I definitely know what the unit's going through.
You know, I've spent my time in the seaside slammer.
It definitely sucks, and you just gotta stick it out.
As soon as my man's in the cuffs,
There's nothing you can do.
That's the way it goes. I know from experience.
- I'm really just worried right now,
And hopefully, you know,
Somebody can get the poor kid out of jail, you know?
- I'm exhausted.
- ♪ I'ma tell you about tomorrow ♪
♪ if you can hang on for today ♪
♪ I'm gonna lift you up and you'll see ♪
♪ that's it's gonna be okay
- With unit being in jail right now,
It's gonna be extremely hard for me
To really get the truth out to jionni.
And I gotta go on the mission solo
And handle this myself.
- ♪ I'ma tell you about tomorrow ♪
♪ if you can hang on for today ♪
♪ I'm gonna lift you up and you'll see ♪
♪ that it's gonna be okay
- Yo, Mikey. - Mikey, what's up, man?
- What's up, homey? - Nothing, son.
Have you heard anything?
- They're waiting for him to get all processed.
And, uh, and they're gonna kick him out, so...
- As long as people are about to take him home,
You know what I mean, I'm gonna take it like that.
- Yeah, he's good.
- All right, thanks, brother.
- All right, Mikey. - All right, brother, peace.
- It's all love, kid.
- All right, bye.
Holy , like, no way.
There's no damn way
That this kid just walked in front of me
And Nicole's still sleeping.
Sup, big dog?
What are you doing?
- I need some water.
- You want some water?
Actually, I got some water.
The probability of this is just insane.
This is my moment.
Yo, can I talk to you for a second?
It's, like, kinda private.
- ♪ we're losing time
♪ to fix this my friend
♪ the past will become
♪ the future of this
- I'm gonna try and make this, like, really quick
And, like, painless as possible.