1 00:00:01,642 --> 00:00:03,969 In May of 2012, Marshall and Lily 2 00:00:04,010 --> 00:00:05,844 hosted a baby shower in the apartment. 3 00:00:05,971 --> 00:00:07,353 All their friends were there. 4 00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:10,006 So of course I made sure to show up exactly... 5 00:00:11,059 --> 00:00:12,392 three hours late. 6 00:00:12,394 --> 00:00:15,478 - Oh, no! Am I late? - Little bit. 7 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,648 Ah, I'm sorry, I would've gotten here earlier; it's just, um... 8 00:00:18,650 --> 00:00:21,234 - You didn't want to see Robin. - I didn't want to see Robin. 9 00:00:21,236 --> 00:00:23,436 I know, it's childish. 10 00:00:23,438 --> 00:00:24,604 She's not here, is she? 11 00:00:24,606 --> 00:00:26,089 Actually... 12 00:00:26,890 --> 00:00:31,194 Oh, no! Am I early? 13 00:00:31,196 --> 00:00:32,895 Little bit. 14 00:00:34,498 --> 00:00:37,166 Whoa, she got you the red stroller? 15 00:00:37,168 --> 00:00:41,587 Looks like I just blew her out of the water. 16 00:00:41,589 --> 00:00:44,090 Anyway, he left before the party started. 17 00:00:44,092 --> 00:00:45,908 Ah, I'm really sorry, I... 18 00:00:45,910 --> 00:00:47,877 I just think it's best if Robin and I 19 00:00:47,879 --> 00:00:49,629 don't see each other for a while. 20 00:00:49,631 --> 00:00:52,248 Ted, it's fine; I'm a child of divorce. 21 00:00:52,250 --> 00:00:54,217 You guys keep fighting all you want, 22 00:00:54,219 --> 00:00:56,269 as long as the expensive gifts keep coming. 23 00:00:56,271 --> 00:00:58,354 Uh, so how was the shower? 24 00:00:58,356 --> 00:00:59,605 It was good, 25 00:00:59,607 --> 00:01:01,307 although there was one weird moment 26 00:01:01,309 --> 00:01:03,576 with Barney's new stripper girlfriend. 27 00:01:03,578 --> 00:01:05,228 50 laps a day? 28 00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:08,314 Oh, my goodness, young lady. That is a lot. 29 00:01:08,316 --> 00:01:10,033 Oh, is it? 30 00:01:10,035 --> 00:01:12,935 Is it a lot, Grandma Lois? 31 00:01:12,937 --> 00:01:15,988 Yes, my girlfriend gets naked 32 00:01:15,990 --> 00:01:17,623 and sits on guys' laps for money. 33 00:01:17,625 --> 00:01:20,993 And, yes, sometimes it's as many as 50 laps in one day. 34 00:01:20,995 --> 00:01:24,414 And maybe society considers what she does 35 00:01:24,416 --> 00:01:26,499 to be "disgusting," 36 00:01:26,501 --> 00:01:28,117 or "slutty," 37 00:01:28,119 --> 00:01:31,003 or verging on "prostitution," 38 00:01:31,005 --> 00:01:33,956 or actual "prostitution." 39 00:01:33,958 --> 00:01:36,225 But you know what, I accept her. 40 00:01:36,227 --> 00:01:38,678 And if you can't do the same, 41 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,797 well, then shame on you. 44 00:01:46,304 --> 00:01:47,970 you. 45 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:53,159 We were, um, talking about swimming. 46 00:01:53,161 --> 00:01:56,829 How I sometimes swim 50 laps a day. 47 00:01:58,415 --> 00:02:00,116 Well, it's great cardio. 48 00:02:00,118 --> 00:02:03,086 Lois, can I top off your champagne? 49 00:02:03,712 --> 00:02:07,712 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x22 ♪ Good Crazy Original Air Date on April 30, 2012 50 00:02:07,737 --> 00:02:11,737 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 51 00:02:16,908 --> 00:02:18,128 You know, it's funny, 52 00:02:18,187 --> 00:02:20,495 you tell the average guy you're dating a stripper, 53 00:02:20,529 --> 00:02:21,695 he thinks it's awesome. 54 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:24,260 Heck, you tell your mom, she high-fives you so fast, 55 00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:25,943 she doesn't even take off her oven mitts. 56 00:02:26,119 --> 00:02:27,963 But if they had any idea 57 00:02:27,997 --> 00:02:30,898 The jealousy, 58 00:02:31,072 --> 00:02:32,922 the insecurity, 59 00:02:33,087 --> 00:02:37,956 those high-fives would be high-fives of condolence. 60 00:02:37,998 --> 00:02:41,658 Barney, condolence high-fives are not a thing. 61 00:02:41,719 --> 00:02:43,052 They're a thing. 62 00:02:43,484 --> 00:02:46,001 I'm afraid we're gonna have to let you go. 63 00:02:46,823 --> 00:02:48,290 Up top. 64 00:02:49,323 --> 00:02:52,842 Ah, listen to me and my boring couples' problems. 65 00:02:52,844 --> 00:02:54,260 How are you? 66 00:02:54,262 --> 00:02:55,695 How's the single life? 67 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,997 I wouldn't know. After this whole Robin thing, 68 00:02:57,999 --> 00:03:00,016 for the time being, I'm laying low. 69 00:03:00,018 --> 00:03:01,434 Laying low as in 70 00:03:01,436 --> 00:03:04,053 sleeping with a really short chick? 71 00:03:04,055 --> 00:03:05,337 You guys doing 39? 72 00:03:05,339 --> 00:03:07,223 I mean, I'm not seeing anyone. 73 00:03:07,225 --> 00:03:09,942 I'm just, you know, trying to get Robin out of my head. 74 00:03:09,944 --> 00:03:11,655 You need a palate cleanser. 75 00:03:11,705 --> 00:03:14,041 Barney, please, don't try to set me up 76 00:03:14,048 --> 00:03:16,119 with Quinn's stripper friends. Oh, I wouldn't dream of it. 77 00:03:16,147 --> 00:03:18,464 Why not, how many hints do I have to drop?! 78 00:03:18,553 --> 00:03:21,704 No, I'm thinking of something much more traditional. 79 00:03:21,706 --> 00:03:24,523 Online dating. Yeah, no thanks. 80 00:03:24,525 --> 00:03:26,542 Come on, Ted! It's 2012. 81 00:03:26,544 --> 00:03:29,545 What do you expect, to meet some cute travel agent 82 00:03:29,547 --> 00:03:32,131 when you're reading a newspaper at a bookstore? 83 00:03:32,133 --> 00:03:34,133 None of those things exist anymore. 84 00:03:34,135 --> 00:03:37,036 Barney, I will never, ever, 85 00:03:37,038 --> 00:03:39,872 ever, try online dating. 86 00:03:39,874 --> 00:03:41,724 That night I tried online dating. 87 00:03:41,726 --> 00:03:44,894 And kids, the first girl 88 00:03:44,896 --> 00:03:49,148 Beautiful, smart, funny, huge fan of prewar architecture, 89 00:03:49,150 --> 00:03:52,084 favorite poet Neruda, favorite movie Ghostbusters, 90 00:03:52,086 --> 00:03:54,053 and she didn't hate Cleveland. 91 00:03:54,055 --> 00:03:55,988 She's perfect. 92 00:03:55,990 --> 00:03:57,723 So I sent her an email, 93 00:03:57,725 --> 00:04:00,760 inviting her to mini golf. 94 00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:08,034 - Hello. - Mini golf? 95 00:04:08,036 --> 00:04:10,036 Mini golf? Who takes a first date to mini golf? 96 00:04:10,038 --> 00:04:11,204 I'm coming over! 97 00:04:12,039 --> 00:04:14,757 Oh, Ted-Ted-Ted- Teddy-Ted-Ted. 98 00:04:14,759 --> 00:04:15,438 Who buzzed you in? 99 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,463 Did you really think you could start dating online, 100 00:04:17,545 --> 00:04:18,594 and I wouldn't find out? 101 00:04:18,596 --> 00:04:22,098 But with thi-this girl, sh-she was... 102 00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:24,016 Me. She was me, Ted. 103 00:04:24,018 --> 00:04:26,886 The photo was just of some girl I knew you'd never seen before, 104 00:04:26,888 --> 00:04:29,272 a very famous sports anchor on ESPN. 105 00:04:29,274 --> 00:04:33,309 Barney, I don't need you to help me find a girl online. 106 00:04:33,311 --> 00:04:35,594 Exactly because I've already done it! 107 00:04:35,596 --> 00:04:37,146 Three girls in fact. 108 00:04:37,148 --> 00:04:39,398 I scoured the dating sites 109 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,567 using my own personal logarithms, 110 00:04:41,569 --> 00:04:43,903 factoring in a broad spectrum of variables, 111 00:04:43,905 --> 00:04:46,405 filtering out undesirable high-risk negatives, 112 00:04:46,407 --> 00:04:49,125 guaranteeing a success rate of 83... 113 00:04:49,127 --> 00:04:51,110 You picked the girls that showed the most boob. 114 00:04:51,112 --> 00:04:53,379 My methods get results. 115 00:04:53,381 --> 00:04:55,882 Go out with these three girls, 116 00:04:55,884 --> 00:04:57,750 and your palate is going to be so cleansed, 117 00:04:57,752 --> 00:04:59,252 you will see your reflection in it. 118 00:04:59,254 --> 00:05:00,887 And when you do, 119 00:05:00,889 --> 00:05:03,723 you can fix the hair, because... Have you seen yourself? 120 00:05:03,725 --> 00:05:06,092 No, but you know what I have seen, 121 00:05:06,094 --> 00:05:08,728 your stripper girlfriend's cans. Wow. 122 00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:09,845 Wow. Wow, wow. 123 00:05:09,847 --> 00:05:11,814 That was going way too far, wasn't it? 124 00:05:11,816 --> 00:05:13,316 I'm sorry. 125 00:05:13,318 --> 00:05:15,401 My condolences. 126 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,904 Come on. 127 00:05:19,472 --> 00:05:23,475 Man, Marshall's really stressing out about this baby. 128 00:05:23,477 --> 00:05:24,944 He's reading every book, 129 00:05:24,946 --> 00:05:27,113 watching breast-feeding documentaries. 130 00:05:27,115 --> 00:05:30,333 I woke up the other day, he had swaddled me. 131 00:05:30,335 --> 00:05:33,819 Sure, it was the best night's sleep I had had in months, 132 00:05:33,821 --> 00:05:35,338 but still... 133 00:05:35,340 --> 00:05:37,039 You know what his latest thing is? 134 00:05:40,345 --> 00:05:42,345 What the hell is that? 135 00:05:47,101 --> 00:05:49,719 Marshall, what is that? 136 00:05:49,721 --> 00:05:52,305 I rigged this alarm to go off every three hours. 137 00:05:52,307 --> 00:05:54,340 I'm training myself for the 138 00:05:54,342 --> 00:05:57,009 sporadic sleep patterns of early parenthood. 139 00:05:57,011 --> 00:05:58,060 Now, if you'll excuse me, 140 00:05:58,062 --> 00:06:01,464 I have a practice-baby to soothe. 141 00:06:04,351 --> 00:06:05,818 You got to talk to him. 142 00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:07,820 Yeah, I'll talk to him tonight. 143 00:06:07,822 --> 00:06:09,622 Maybe tomorrow morning. 144 00:06:09,624 --> 00:06:10,689 One last swaddle? 145 00:06:10,691 --> 00:06:11,791 It's just so cozy. 146 00:06:11,793 --> 00:06:14,377 It's like sleeping in a warm burrito. 147 00:06:14,379 --> 00:06:16,379 Meanwhile, Barney was about to have 148 00:06:16,381 --> 00:06:18,130 a stripper's boyfriend's worst nightmare. 149 00:06:18,132 --> 00:06:19,665 Karma? 150 00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,200 Oh, my gosh, I didn't recognize you 151 00:06:21,202 --> 00:06:22,701 without your legs behind your head. 152 00:06:22,703 --> 00:06:24,887 Darryl, I didn't recognize you 153 00:06:24,889 --> 00:06:26,255 without your creepy trench coat. 154 00:06:26,257 --> 00:06:27,340 How are you? 155 00:06:27,342 --> 00:06:29,225 Great, you working tomorrow? You know it. 156 00:06:29,227 --> 00:06:30,926 Great. I'll be there with bells on. 157 00:06:30,928 --> 00:06:33,679 And by bells, I mean super thin sweatpants. 158 00:06:33,681 --> 00:06:35,931 Gross. 159 00:06:35,933 --> 00:06:38,684 He's actually a nice guy. 160 00:06:38,686 --> 00:06:40,052 She's so busy as deputy mayor, 161 00:06:40,054 --> 00:06:41,904 but I always get a card on my birthday. 162 00:06:41,906 --> 00:06:45,107 Quinn, I love the fact that you're a stripper, 163 00:06:45,109 --> 00:06:47,610 but I hate the fact that you're a stripper. 164 00:06:47,612 --> 00:06:50,579 Barney, I like my job. 165 00:06:50,581 --> 00:06:52,748 And I do not need to be rescued. 166 00:06:52,750 --> 00:06:55,785 So, don't be that guy. 167 00:06:55,787 --> 00:06:57,086 You're right, you're right. 168 00:06:57,088 --> 00:06:59,372 I got it. Forget I said anything. 169 00:06:59,374 --> 00:07:00,373 Hmm. 170 00:07:00,375 --> 00:07:02,008 I'll see you tonight, Karma. 171 00:07:02,010 --> 00:07:03,709 You got it, Dirty Larry. 172 00:07:03,711 --> 00:07:05,845 You have to quit your job! 173 00:07:05,847 --> 00:07:07,296 That night, I went out 174 00:07:07,298 --> 00:07:09,348 with the first girl Barney picked for me. 175 00:07:09,350 --> 00:07:10,716 There was just one problem. 176 00:07:10,718 --> 00:07:12,635 Your name is Robin? 177 00:07:12,637 --> 00:07:14,603 Yeah, with a Y. 178 00:07:14,605 --> 00:07:17,223 Oh, Yobin. 179 00:07:17,225 --> 00:07:18,974 No, Robyn. 180 00:07:18,976 --> 00:07:22,094 I go by ScotchAndGunLover in my online profile, 181 00:07:22,096 --> 00:07:23,946 'cause those are my two favorite things. 182 00:07:23,948 --> 00:07:27,099 Well, next to Canada, my home and native land. 183 00:07:27,101 --> 00:07:29,869 Oh. Canada. 184 00:07:29,871 --> 00:07:31,821 And just like that, 185 00:07:31,823 --> 00:07:34,373 Robyn became Robin. 186 00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:36,909 How's it going, Ted? 187 00:07:41,334 --> 00:07:45,126 Oh, good. Hey, look, mommy's back from the bar! 188 00:07:45,225 --> 00:07:47,191 Now I can finally take a shower. 189 00:07:50,007 --> 00:07:52,675 This diaper smells. I don't want to know. 190 00:07:52,732 --> 00:07:54,816 Okay, Marshall, 191 00:07:54,818 --> 00:07:57,118 sit down; we need to talk. 192 00:07:59,039 --> 00:08:01,272 Look, I know you mean well, 193 00:08:01,274 --> 00:08:03,791 but we have five weeks till the due date. 194 00:08:03,793 --> 00:08:06,578 Can't we use this time to just relax? 195 00:08:06,580 --> 00:08:08,613 We'll figure out how all this stuff 196 00:08:08,615 --> 00:08:10,448 works after the baby comes. 197 00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:12,166 After the baby comes? 198 00:08:12,168 --> 00:08:13,951 Yeah, we'll learn on the job. 199 00:08:13,953 --> 00:08:16,254 Learn on the j... Huh. 200 00:08:16,256 --> 00:08:18,590 Wow, you know, Lily, 201 00:08:18,592 --> 00:08:21,342 maybe the crisis here isn't that I'm not ready to be a dad; 202 00:08:21,344 --> 00:08:23,595 Maybe it's that you're not ready to be a mom! 203 00:08:23,597 --> 00:08:24,795 Excuse me?! Yeah. 204 00:08:24,797 --> 00:08:26,297 With that, an argument began, 205 00:08:26,299 --> 00:08:28,983 the details of which are still hotly debated to this day. 206 00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:31,603 - For instance, Uncle Marshall- 207 00:08:31,605 --> 00:08:34,050 I'm the only one making sacrifices for this baby! 208 00:08:34,051 --> 00:08:34,521 What?! 209 00:08:34,524 --> 00:08:36,858 - And he claims he never- 210 00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:38,643 It's like you don't even know that you're pregnant! 211 00:08:38,645 --> 00:08:41,112 - While Lily insists- 212 00:08:41,114 --> 00:08:43,014 Baby's are easy; you just 213 00:08:43,016 --> 00:08:45,116 watch them be cute and feed them spaghetti! 214 00:08:45,118 --> 00:08:48,036 - But everyone agrees- 215 00:08:48,038 --> 00:08:50,755 Marshall, what I need now is some peace, some quiet, 216 00:08:50,757 --> 00:08:52,540 and now that it's out there, some spaghetti. 217 00:08:52,542 --> 00:08:55,760 Now, please help me off the couch so I can storm out. 218 00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,597 Huh! 219 00:09:02,601 --> 00:09:05,470 The next day, I filled Barney in on my date. 220 00:09:05,472 --> 00:09:07,838 Oh, Yobin. 221 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,340 No, Robyn. 222 00:09:09,342 --> 00:09:11,142 And for the rest of the night, 223 00:09:11,144 --> 00:09:14,278 every time I looked at her, I just saw Robin's face. 224 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:16,814 Well, I should hope so. No, our Robin. 225 00:09:16,816 --> 00:09:18,182 Robin with an I. 226 00:09:18,184 --> 00:09:20,284 Uh, our Robin has two eyes, my friend. 227 00:09:20,286 --> 00:09:22,537 But that's good. You're forgetting what she looks like. 228 00:09:23,372 --> 00:09:25,823 I'm sorry, that must have been tough. 229 00:09:25,825 --> 00:09:28,076 If anyone knows what that feels like, it's me. 230 00:09:28,078 --> 00:09:30,078 My condolences. 231 00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:35,633 Okay. Moving on. 232 00:09:35,635 --> 00:09:38,636 Perfect palate cleanser. 233 00:09:38,638 --> 00:09:39,971 Nothing like Robin. 234 00:09:39,973 --> 00:09:41,205 How nothing? 235 00:09:41,207 --> 00:09:43,808 I gaze out into the world and all I see 236 00:09:43,810 --> 00:09:47,378 is an icy place where dreams die. 237 00:09:49,048 --> 00:09:51,265 Ooh, lasagna. 238 00:09:51,267 --> 00:09:53,735 How's it going, Ted? 239 00:09:53,737 --> 00:09:55,737 What? No. What? Wh-Why? 240 00:09:55,739 --> 00:09:57,855 Remember, I made lasagna that one time. 241 00:09:57,857 --> 00:09:59,190 That's all it takes? 242 00:09:59,192 --> 00:10:01,693 It wasn't even lasagna; You took your botched kugle 243 00:10:01,695 --> 00:10:03,244 and poured tomato sauce on it. 244 00:10:03,246 --> 00:10:05,947 I didn't say it was good lasagna. 245 00:10:05,949 --> 00:10:08,599 By the way, what are you doing with this girl? 246 00:10:08,601 --> 00:10:11,035 With tattoos all up and down her arms and... 247 00:10:11,037 --> 00:10:14,922 everywhere else. Hello... good gravy. 248 00:10:14,924 --> 00:10:17,341 Does that dragons tail go all the way down to her... 249 00:10:17,343 --> 00:10:20,077 Ohh, yes, it does. 250 00:10:20,079 --> 00:10:22,130 Well, what do you want me to do, Robin? 251 00:10:22,132 --> 00:10:23,931 I have to get over you somehow, 252 00:10:23,933 --> 00:10:25,583 and if this is what it takes... 253 00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:27,535 Are you okay? 254 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,555 Yeah. Why? 255 00:10:30,557 --> 00:10:33,057 You kind of spaced out there. 256 00:10:33,059 --> 00:10:34,892 Weirdo. 257 00:10:35,978 --> 00:10:37,645 "So, in summation, 258 00:10:37,647 --> 00:10:39,030 I'm very, very sorry." 259 00:10:39,032 --> 00:10:41,199 "I guess I just wanted you all to myself, 260 00:10:41,201 --> 00:10:43,901 "and then I thought of all the creepy guys groping at your... 261 00:10:43,903 --> 00:10:45,203 "Okay, I'm getting mad again, 262 00:10:45,205 --> 00:10:46,604 "so I'm going to stop writing now. 263 00:10:46,606 --> 00:10:50,208 Please enjoy these chocolates, may contain peanuts." 264 00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:51,392 Kiss and make up? 265 00:10:54,797 --> 00:10:57,448 Have sex up against the window and make up? - 266 00:10:57,450 --> 00:10:59,447 You do have a great view. 267 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,442 Well, funny you should mention that. 268 00:11:01,593 --> 00:11:02,676 It's your view. 269 00:11:02,756 --> 00:11:04,608 Come again for Big Fudge? 270 00:11:04,669 --> 00:11:06,652 Congratulations. You're hired. 271 00:11:07,013 --> 00:11:08,837 You are Goliath National Bank's 272 00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:11,669 newest executive strategy coordinator. 273 00:11:11,898 --> 00:11:14,732 What is an executive strategy coordinator? 274 00:11:14,734 --> 00:11:16,818 It's three corporate-sounding words 275 00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:19,070 which, when added together, equal a fake job 276 00:11:19,072 --> 00:11:21,522 for which you get a real paycheck 277 00:11:21,524 --> 00:11:24,141 in the amount of exactly what you'd make stripping. 278 00:11:24,143 --> 00:11:26,143 Plus dental. You're welcs. 279 00:11:26,145 --> 00:11:28,246 Now, about that up-against-the-window sex... 280 00:11:28,248 --> 00:11:30,031 Dude, I don't want to work for a bank. 281 00:11:30,033 --> 00:11:30,915 Why not? 282 00:11:30,917 --> 00:11:32,900 Because I have standards. 283 00:11:32,902 --> 00:11:34,252 You people are whores. 284 00:11:34,254 --> 00:11:36,487 The things you're willing to do just for some money, 285 00:11:36,489 --> 00:11:37,988 it's shameful. 286 00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:40,324 You work in a strip club. 287 00:11:40,326 --> 00:11:42,260 Yeah, and I like it. 288 00:11:42,262 --> 00:11:43,828 And I'm good at it. 289 00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:44,879 Barney, 290 00:11:44,881 --> 00:11:47,632 if I took this job, you would own me. 291 00:11:47,634 --> 00:11:49,350 I would be willingly stepping into a cage, 292 00:11:49,352 --> 00:11:51,018 which is something I don't do. 293 00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:53,721 Except on Thursdays, when it's cage night at the Lusty Leopard, 294 00:11:53,723 --> 00:11:54,889 but that's a cardboard cage, 295 00:11:54,891 --> 00:11:57,191 and I can get out of it any time I want. 296 00:11:57,193 --> 00:11:58,392 You can? 297 00:11:58,394 --> 00:12:00,645 Wow, thanks for ruining cage night. 298 00:12:00,858 --> 00:12:02,209 - Come on, Quinn. - No. 299 00:12:02,219 --> 00:12:03,089 I wouldn't... Nope. 300 00:12:03,233 --> 00:12:05,366 Don't. 301 00:12:05,368 --> 00:12:07,518 I think I have some thinking to do. 302 00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:10,454 I... 303 00:12:10,456 --> 00:12:11,622 Mr. Stinson? 304 00:12:11,624 --> 00:12:13,374 Does this mean I get to keep my job? 305 00:12:13,376 --> 00:12:16,611 Yeah, Herm, you can stay. 306 00:12:16,613 --> 00:12:18,296 Hey, baby, listen. 307 00:12:18,298 --> 00:12:20,364 I'm-I'm sorry I flipped out. 308 00:12:20,366 --> 00:12:21,632 Oh, that's okay. 309 00:12:21,634 --> 00:12:23,918 To be fair, maybe I'm at fault 310 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,703 for loving our child too much, 311 00:12:25,705 --> 00:12:28,055 although that is the definition of parenting, so... 312 00:12:28,057 --> 00:12:29,206 All right, good make up. 313 00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:30,808 Hey, listen, I went online, 314 00:12:30,810 --> 00:12:32,927 and I found this Baby Boot Camp thing 315 00:12:32,929 --> 00:12:35,646 that they're doing at a hotel in Paramus this weekend. 316 00:12:35,648 --> 00:12:36,898 Baby Boot Camp? 317 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,149 That sounds great. 318 00:12:38,151 --> 00:12:39,433 Yeah, it's a two-day event... 319 00:12:39,435 --> 00:12:40,551 We're going. 320 00:12:40,553 --> 00:12:42,186 And there's lots of seminars and classes. 321 00:12:42,188 --> 00:12:43,571 You've already made the sale. 322 00:12:43,573 --> 00:12:44,640 Anyway, I signed us up. 323 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,655 Not even listening anymore; Mentally packing. 324 00:12:46,669 --> 00:12:48,499 I'm trying to figure out the best way to get to Paramus 325 00:12:48,561 --> 00:12:49,744 without hitting any tolls. 326 00:12:49,746 --> 00:12:51,061 This is gonna be great. 327 00:12:52,384 --> 00:12:54,335 And that was the last time 328 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,168 I'll ever go out with a guy with a mustache. 329 00:12:58,371 --> 00:12:59,620 This is good. 330 00:12:59,622 --> 00:13:02,123 This is nice, not thinking about you-know-who. 331 00:13:02,125 --> 00:13:04,041 Just having a good time 332 00:13:04,043 --> 00:13:06,127 and thanking God I didn't grow that mustache. 333 00:13:06,129 --> 00:13:07,578 And you, 334 00:13:07,580 --> 00:13:09,914 you're so polite. 335 00:13:09,916 --> 00:13:13,601 My ex-fiancé, Wayne, he had no manners. 336 00:13:13,603 --> 00:13:15,136 Wayne had no manners. 337 00:13:15,138 --> 00:13:16,971 Wayne... manners... 338 00:13:16,973 --> 00:13:20,308 Wayne Manor, home of Bruce Wayne, 339 00:13:20,310 --> 00:13:22,126 better known as Batman, 340 00:13:22,128 --> 00:13:24,695 mentor to Dick Grayson, his orphan ward 341 00:13:24,697 --> 00:13:26,898 who at night would don the colorful vestments 342 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:28,816 of the Boy Wonder, aka... 343 00:13:28,818 --> 00:13:30,568 Robin. 344 00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:33,461 Holy long walk for a short drink of water, Ted. 345 00:13:33,492 --> 00:13:34,454 Stop this. 346 00:13:34,478 --> 00:13:36,729 I need you out of my life for real. 347 00:13:36,753 --> 00:13:38,191 - You don't mean that. - Yes, I do. 348 00:13:38,219 --> 00:13:39,218 No, you don't. 349 00:13:39,265 --> 00:13:40,996 Look how much is changing right now. 350 00:13:41,022 --> 00:13:43,468 Marshall and Lily are having a baby. 351 00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:45,282 Barney's shacking up with a girl. 352 00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:46,417 With your whole world 353 00:13:46,419 --> 00:13:47,885 turning upside down, 354 00:13:47,887 --> 00:13:49,303 isn't a friendship like this one 355 00:13:49,305 --> 00:13:52,757 something you want to hold on to as tightly as possible? 356 00:13:54,726 --> 00:13:58,396 And every time I look at you, it hurts. 357 00:13:58,398 --> 00:14:00,898 and that's the story of my only lesbian experience. 358 00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:02,350 I'm sorry 359 00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:04,318 for going into so much detail. 360 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,771 I'll never tell that story again. 361 00:14:06,773 --> 00:14:08,472 Anyway, how's your meal? 362 00:14:08,474 --> 00:14:10,808 Holly, listen, I should probably tell you, 363 00:14:10,810 --> 00:14:14,495 um, I'm kind of getting over someone right now. 364 00:14:14,497 --> 00:14:16,948 I am so glad you said that. 365 00:14:16,950 --> 00:14:19,483 I guess I'm still getting over Wayne. 366 00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:21,335 It's been really hard. 367 00:14:22,104 --> 00:14:24,121 Can I interest you in some sorbet? 368 00:14:24,123 --> 00:14:26,624 You two look like you could both use a palate cleanser. 369 00:14:32,799 --> 00:14:34,332 How's your palate, Ted? 370 00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:36,517 Pretty cleansed. 371 00:14:38,624 --> 00:14:41,042 You know, at this seminar, 372 00:14:41,072 --> 00:14:42,564 there's gonna be the one guy who's, like, 373 00:14:42,593 --> 00:14:45,845 Mr. Parenting Expert, keeps interrupting the speakers 374 00:14:45,884 --> 00:14:47,700 with his own "important facts." 375 00:14:47,847 --> 00:14:50,031 And you're gonna be sitting right next to him, 376 00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:52,533 so get ready for that. 377 00:14:52,535 --> 00:14:55,069 Baby, you've been a little sleep deprived lately. 378 00:14:55,071 --> 00:14:57,121 Why don't you let me drive? 379 00:14:57,123 --> 00:15:00,024 You know what, that's not such a bad idea. 380 00:15:00,026 --> 00:15:02,192 I mean, the last thing we want 381 00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:05,629 is for me to get behind the wheel and just... 382 00:15:14,557 --> 00:15:17,341 Oh, baby, you smell good. 383 00:15:17,343 --> 00:15:19,810 When we get to that hotel, 384 00:15:19,812 --> 00:15:22,396 I'm gonna wear your pregnant belly like a hat. 385 00:15:22,398 --> 00:15:24,015 You'll have to buy me 386 00:15:24,017 --> 00:15:25,566 a couple of cocktails first. 387 00:15:25,568 --> 00:15:27,217 Bar-Barney! 388 00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:28,886 Where are we? 389 00:15:28,888 --> 00:15:31,906 Atlantic City, baby! 390 00:15:31,908 --> 00:15:34,075 Well, in 14 miles. 391 00:15:38,992 --> 00:15:40,796 What the hell is going on? 392 00:15:40,897 --> 00:15:42,129 And where is Lily? 393 00:15:42,131 --> 00:15:44,632 And what did you do to the practice baby? 394 00:15:44,634 --> 00:15:46,967 And is there any left? 395 00:15:47,820 --> 00:15:49,633 Lily was worried about you. 396 00:15:49,707 --> 00:15:51,914 She thought you needed to unwind, so... 397 00:15:51,941 --> 00:15:55,142 I mean, the last thing we want is for me to 398 00:15:55,144 --> 00:15:57,578 get behind the wheel and just... 399 00:16:02,417 --> 00:16:04,418 She made reservations for two deluxe rooms, 400 00:16:04,420 --> 00:16:05,869 massages, and dinner at the Palm, 401 00:16:05,871 --> 00:16:08,839 and in return, I made her cookies. 402 00:16:11,309 --> 00:16:14,544 So, there's no Baby Boot Camp at the Paramus Waldorf? 403 00:16:16,164 --> 00:16:17,882 Is there even a Paramus Waldorf? 404 00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:19,351 Bro... 405 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,772 I am so mad at Lily right now. 406 00:16:21,792 --> 00:16:25,377 She knew you would be; That's why she packed this. 407 00:16:26,206 --> 00:16:27,665 Aw. 408 00:16:28,518 --> 00:16:30,643 My mad-at-Lily shirt. 409 00:16:30,984 --> 00:16:32,702 I had this made for me 410 00:16:32,718 --> 00:16:34,735 and my high school girlfriend, Steph. 411 00:16:34,917 --> 00:16:37,117 In reality, "Marshall and Steph 4-eva" 412 00:16:37,119 --> 00:16:38,201 turned out to be 413 00:16:38,203 --> 00:16:40,037 "Marshall and Steph for two days 414 00:16:40,039 --> 00:16:43,573 until Steph's boyfriend got out of juvie a week early." 415 00:16:43,708 --> 00:16:46,375 Drives Lily crazy when I wear it. 416 00:16:46,635 --> 00:16:49,337 I hope she's miserable without me. 417 00:16:53,935 --> 00:16:56,019 Hey, Ted, how's tricks? 418 00:16:56,021 --> 00:16:57,387 Tricks are pretty good, Lou. 419 00:16:57,389 --> 00:17:00,590 Had some girl trouble earlier in the week, but, uh, 420 00:17:00,592 --> 00:17:02,692 I got a feeling from here on out, things are gonna be A... 421 00:17:02,694 --> 00:17:05,195 O-Oh, you son of a bitch. 422 00:17:05,197 --> 00:17:07,564 Hello. 423 00:17:09,535 --> 00:17:10,562 Lily's right. 424 00:17:10,582 --> 00:17:11,914 I've been acting crazy. 425 00:17:12,057 --> 00:17:13,190 No, it's okay, bro. 426 00:17:13,309 --> 00:17:15,815 I mean, yeah, you've been a little crazy, 427 00:17:15,845 --> 00:17:17,244 but it comes from love. 428 00:17:17,316 --> 00:17:19,417 It's the same kind of crazy that makes a man 429 00:17:19,449 --> 00:17:22,700 offer his stripper girlfriend over half a million dollars 430 00:17:22,702 --> 00:17:23,951 of government bailout money, 431 00:17:23,953 --> 00:17:25,736 not to rub up on other guys' junk. 432 00:17:25,738 --> 00:17:27,187 It's good crazy. 433 00:17:32,461 --> 00:17:34,128 I hope Lily's okay. Okay, 434 00:17:34,130 --> 00:17:35,362 you know, that's it, bro. 435 00:17:35,364 --> 00:17:37,197 We're both turning off our phones for one hour. 436 00:17:37,199 --> 00:17:38,299 Motion denied. 437 00:17:38,301 --> 00:17:41,218 Okay, you leave me no choice. 438 00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:45,056 You give me one hour of phone-free bro time, 439 00:17:45,058 --> 00:17:47,842 during which we, and by we I mean you, 440 00:17:47,844 --> 00:17:50,845 get magnificently, mythologically drunk. 441 00:17:50,847 --> 00:17:54,548 I'm talking needing-subtitles- when-you-speak drunk. 442 00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:57,051 If you can give me that, 443 00:17:57,053 --> 00:18:00,187 I will wear this. 444 00:18:00,189 --> 00:18:01,272 The ducky tie? 445 00:18:01,274 --> 00:18:02,656 I thought you threw that thing away. 446 00:18:02,658 --> 00:18:04,108 I did. 447 00:18:04,110 --> 00:18:06,060 It came back. 448 00:18:06,062 --> 00:18:07,728 All right, Barney, 449 00:18:07,730 --> 00:18:09,580 you got yourself a deal. 450 00:18:13,336 --> 00:18:15,619 Um, excuse me, miss. 451 00:18:15,621 --> 00:18:16,954 Um, when you get a chance, 452 00:18:16,956 --> 00:18:20,925 could you bring over a hundred shots of tequila, please? 453 00:18:20,927 --> 00:18:22,526 I'll have the same. 454 00:18:27,082 --> 00:18:28,315 Why are you still here? 455 00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:29,934 Why do you think I'm still here? 456 00:18:29,936 --> 00:18:32,770 I guess because I'm in love with you. 457 00:18:32,772 --> 00:18:36,090 Why else would I be seeing your face everywhere I look? 458 00:18:36,092 --> 00:18:37,758 Because you feel bad. 459 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,777 Of course I feel bad. 460 00:18:39,779 --> 00:18:41,595 I told you I love you, 461 00:18:41,597 --> 00:18:45,232 which is apparently the worst thing you can say to someone. 462 00:18:45,234 --> 00:18:46,901 That's not why you feel bad. 463 00:18:46,903 --> 00:18:49,320 You feel bad because after you said it, 464 00:18:49,322 --> 00:18:50,971 you let me go away. 465 00:18:52,074 --> 00:18:53,207 I know our relationship 466 00:18:53,209 --> 00:18:55,459 isn't exactly what you want it to be, 467 00:18:55,461 --> 00:18:57,461 and I know I may not love you 468 00:18:57,463 --> 00:19:01,449 the way you love me, but I do love you. 469 00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:05,302 Isn't that worth hanging on to? 470 00:19:09,425 --> 00:19:12,927 I miss you. 471 00:19:12,929 --> 00:19:15,412 So go get me back. 472 00:19:22,004 --> 00:19:23,804 Robin? 473 00:19:23,806 --> 00:19:24,989 Ted. 474 00:19:24,991 --> 00:19:26,240 It's good to really see you. 475 00:19:26,242 --> 00:19:27,858 It's really good to see you. 476 00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:29,160 Look, I think we need to talk. 477 00:19:29,162 --> 00:19:31,529 Uh, me, too, but now's not a good time. 478 00:19:31,531 --> 00:19:32,363 Why not? 479 00:19:32,365 --> 00:19:34,448 I am proud of you, bro. 480 00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:36,867 You turned off your phone for one hour, 481 00:19:36,869 --> 00:19:38,285 and you got so drunk... 482 00:19:42,991 --> 00:19:44,959 Exactly. 483 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:46,794 Hey,. 484 00:19:46,796 --> 00:19:48,129 Yes, Marshall? 485 00:19:50,716 --> 00:19:52,449 Well, I don't see why not. 486 00:19:54,553 --> 00:19:58,289 Whoa! I've got 17 new voicemails. 487 00:19:58,291 --> 00:19:59,640 Barney, it's Lily. 488 00:19:59,642 --> 00:20:01,942 You guys need to get back to New York right away. 489 00:20:01,944 --> 00:20:03,010 I'm in labor. 490 00:20:05,347 --> 00:20:07,014 All hail Beercules! 491 00:20:07,016 --> 00:20:08,482 Yeah! 492 00:20:18,397 --> 00:20:21,632 All right, Barney, you got yourself a deal. 493 00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:28,075 Hey, you've reached Marshall. 494 00:20:28,131 --> 00:20:29,680 Please leave a message. 495 00:20:29,870 --> 00:20:31,620 Hey, baby, it's me. 496 00:20:31,658 --> 00:20:33,191 I think I'm in labor. 497 00:20:33,474 --> 00:20:36,896 We should do this every weekend. 498 00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:38,965 Okay, this is real. 499 00:20:39,013 --> 00:20:40,179 It's not a false alarm. 500 00:20:40,196 --> 00:20:41,445 This is real; I'm in labor. 501 00:20:41,462 --> 00:20:43,796 I kind of need you to call me back now. 502 00:20:43,815 --> 00:20:45,784 How does somebody so little 503 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,070 have such strong fingers? 504 00:20:48,095 --> 00:20:49,581 Where are you? 505 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,848 Call me! 506 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:53,768 He is the manager of the Paramus Waldorf. 507 00:20:53,770 --> 00:20:57,522 You come to Paramus, we will hook you up. 508 00:20:57,524 --> 00:20:59,474 If you're trying to get back at me, 509 00:20:59,476 --> 00:21:03,381 you have chosen a wildly inappropriate way of doing so! 510 00:21:03,932 --> 00:21:08,593 Oh, yeah... Oh, yeah. 511 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:14,150 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther