1
00:00:01,186 --> 00:00:04,788
If you told 12-year-old me that one day
I'd be at a fancy New York wedding,
2
00:00:04,915 --> 00:00:08,517
making out with James Van Der Beek,
while Kevin Sorbo watched,
3
00:00:08,729 --> 00:00:09,915
I'd have to say you were nuts,
4
00:00:09,958 --> 00:00:11,864
but nothing surprises me
anymore...
5
00:00:11,907 --> 00:00:12,839
Ohh!
6
00:00:12,881 --> 00:00:14,195
You bitch!
7
00:00:14,237 --> 00:00:15,593
Ohh!
8
00:00:15,636 --> 00:00:19,322
Not since I met Chloe,
the best roommate in the world.
9
00:00:19,364 --> 00:00:21,822
♪ I'm not perfect,
I'm no snitch ♪
10
00:00:21,864 --> 00:00:23,432
♪ but I can tell you ♪
11
00:00:23,475 --> 00:00:25,212
♪ she's a... ♪
12
00:00:25,254 --> 00:00:27,966
♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-ba, ba-da-ba ♪
13
00:00:28,008 --> 00:00:31,610
♪ ba-da-da-da-da-ba, ba-da-ba ♪
14
00:00:33,941 --> 00:00:36,483
That was the worst vodka launch
we've been to yet.
15
00:00:36,568 --> 00:00:38,686
I'll say.
16
00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:40,720
What she's having?
I don't even get it.
17
00:00:40,763 --> 00:00:43,263
It's so that when you order
at the bar, you can say,
18
00:00:43,305 --> 00:00:45,720
"I'll have
what she's having."
19
00:00:45,763 --> 00:00:47,881
That makes me very angry.
20
00:00:48,941 --> 00:00:50,763
Oh, what are you doing?
21
00:00:50,805 --> 00:00:52,458
Food.
Eating your lunch for tomorrow.
22
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:55,339
I love that
you're not afraid of cheese.
23
00:00:55,381 --> 00:00:57,415
Okay. I have to wake up
super early tomorrow.
24
00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:00,040
I have to drop off resumes in the financial
district and...
25
00:01:00,041 --> 00:01:01,483
It's on here! It's on here!
26
00:01:02,754 --> 00:01:04,025
"James Van Der Beek,
27
00:01:04,068 --> 00:01:06,314
"newest cast member
of 'dancing with the stars, '
28
00:01:06,356 --> 00:01:07,839
"leaving club
with dark-haired beauty
29
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,872
and self-proclaimed
California raisin heiress."
30
00:01:10,891 --> 00:01:12,966
The legend grows!
31
00:01:13,008 --> 00:01:14,280
Hey, should we show her
our routine?
32
00:01:14,322 --> 00:01:15,593
Ready?
33
00:01:16,949 --> 00:01:18,474
We made it up in the cab!
34
00:01:18,475 --> 00:01:20,592
Look, we're zombies.
35
00:01:20,593 --> 00:01:22,331
I used to have a poster of you.
36
00:01:27,542 --> 00:01:33,136
♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-ba, ba-da-ba ♪
37
00:01:33,178 --> 00:01:34,619
Oh. Hey, Robin.
I'm bringing Chloe the mail
38
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:37,202
as yet another example
of the many wonderful things
39
00:01:37,203 --> 00:01:39,068
I would do if I were
her roommate again.
40
00:01:39,069 --> 00:01:40,254
Mm.
41
00:01:43,051 --> 00:01:44,492
I'm not weak. You're weak.
44
00:02:05,975 --> 00:02:07,712
from underneath the couch.
45
00:02:07,754 --> 00:02:09,407
She's been like that all day.
46
00:02:09,408 --> 00:02:11,441
Normally I like
a motionless woman on the floor,
47
00:02:11,483 --> 00:02:13,602
but I'm getting
a sad hit off this one.
48
00:02:13,644 --> 00:02:15,169
It's
Crissy and Robert's wedding.
49
00:02:15,212 --> 00:02:17,458
Steven and I were supposed
to go as a couple.
50
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,703
We got the "save the date,"
like, a year ago,
51
00:02:19,746 --> 00:02:22,585
before I knew he was
diddling nurse Nicole.
52
00:02:22,627 --> 00:02:25,593
Ohh. Just think, by the time
we go to this wedding,
53
00:02:25,636 --> 00:02:27,288
we'll be living in New York
and we'll already be married.
54
00:02:27,331 --> 00:02:29,237
Hey, Dr. Steven.
Oh.
55
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,720
I have the file you asked for.
56
00:02:30,763 --> 00:02:32,076
Thank you, Nicole.
57
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:33,814
Will you be at the gym later?
58
00:02:33,856 --> 00:02:35,975
I have a new sports bra.
59
00:02:36,017 --> 00:02:38,390
You know I like to exercise.
60
00:02:38,432 --> 00:02:41,948
I can't believe how stupid I was.
61
00:02:41,949 --> 00:02:44,407
When we broke up,
Steven and I divvied up
62
00:02:44,449 --> 00:02:46,017
all the commitments we had
as a couple,
63
00:02:46,059 --> 00:02:48,602
and I got this wedding, but...
64
00:02:48,644 --> 00:02:49,873
There's no way I can go.
65
00:02:49,915 --> 00:02:51,229
Why not?
66
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:52,329
Because I haven't seen
any of our friends
67
00:02:52,330 --> 00:02:53,432
since we broke up,
68
00:02:53,475 --> 00:02:54,915
and I'm too ashamed
to face them,
69
00:02:54,958 --> 00:02:58,517
and can you stop with the
tambourine, please?!
70
00:02:58,559 --> 00:03:01,568
Oh, is my tambo bothering you?
Sorry. Just practicing.
71
00:03:01,610 --> 00:03:03,007
My band got a gig.
72
00:03:03,008 --> 00:03:04,364
Okay, if you're gonna let
one stupid setback
73
00:03:04,365 --> 00:03:05,890
knock you off
your easy spirits,
74
00:03:05,932 --> 00:03:08,263
you might as well just move
home to Indiana.
75
00:03:08,305 --> 00:03:09,280
These shoes are, like,
the best thing
76
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:10,551
going on in my life right now.
77
00:03:10,593 --> 00:03:12,119
You need
to learn some confidence.
78
00:03:12,161 --> 00:03:13,856
This is New York.
It's not what you do.
79
00:03:13,898 --> 00:03:16,185
It's how you do it.
80
00:03:17,288 --> 00:03:19,068
Don't write that down.
81
00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:20,254
June, I'm gonna take you out
82
00:03:20,297 --> 00:03:21,949
and teach you how to be badass.
83
00:03:21,992 --> 00:03:23,729
If you have the right attitude,
84
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:24,915
you can do anything
and go anywhere.
85
00:03:24,958 --> 00:03:26,396
Now walk up
to the front of the line
86
00:03:26,397 --> 00:03:28,814
like you have George Clooney
between your legs.
87
00:03:28,856 --> 00:03:30,212
What?
If you're nailing
88
00:03:30,254 --> 00:03:32,500
that salt-and-pepper bastard,
that means you've made it.
89
00:03:32,542 --> 00:03:34,449
Cover's 20 bucks.
90
00:03:34,492 --> 00:03:36,270
Okay.
91
00:03:36,271 --> 00:03:37,669
To get
the bartender's attention,
92
00:03:37,712 --> 00:03:40,127
imagine you're getting
a drink for George Clooney.
93
00:03:40,169 --> 00:03:42,076
Too eager.
94
00:03:42,119 --> 00:03:45,127
Too "ordering potato skins
at Nifty O'Shannigans."
95
00:03:45,169 --> 00:03:48,475
There you go.
Now you're getting it.
96
00:03:51,949 --> 00:03:54,576
And when you're
on the dance floor,
97
00:03:54,661 --> 00:03:56,568
pretend you're getting up
on Jamie Foxx
98
00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:59,406
just enough to make
Clooney jealous.
99
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,762
Okay.
100
00:04:00,763 --> 00:04:02,669
♪ got me in a trance now ♪
101
00:04:02,712 --> 00:04:04,364
Hold your gaze.
102
00:04:04,407 --> 00:04:05,381
Now switch.
103
00:04:05,382 --> 00:04:07,033
♪ Much longer ♪
104
00:04:07,034 --> 00:04:09,068
Now switch.
105
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:10,763
Switch.
106
00:04:10,805 --> 00:04:13,093
Switch. Switch! Switch!
107
00:04:13,136 --> 00:04:15,041
Switch! Mm! Nice.
108
00:04:15,042 --> 00:04:16,949
♪ You look good ♪
109
00:04:27,119 --> 00:04:29,364
Wow.
110
00:04:29,407 --> 00:04:30,678
Impressive.
111
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,585
Whatever.
Oh, I like it...
112
00:04:32,627 --> 00:04:34,195
not accepting the compliment,
113
00:04:34,237 --> 00:04:36,057
feigning casualness like
you don't care.
114
00:04:36,058 --> 00:04:37,542
Mm. I don't care, douche.
115
00:04:37,585 --> 00:04:38,898
Okay, that's enough.
116
00:04:38,941 --> 00:04:40,508
I'm sorry. I'm just so full
of adrenaline,
117
00:04:40,551 --> 00:04:43,008
I feel like I could lift
a car right now.
118
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,661
J.V.D.B.,
what do you think?
119
00:04:54,703 --> 00:04:55,890
I'm choosing
a look for my band's gig.
120
00:04:55,932 --> 00:04:58,263
Does this shirt say that
I really bring the funk?
121
00:04:58,305 --> 00:05:00,424
Mm... yes.
122
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:03,178
June's home.
123
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,636
Using the
third person already, huh?
124
00:05:05,678 --> 00:05:07,415
James likes it.
125
00:05:07,416 --> 00:05:09,576
Today was an incredible day.
126
00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:12,457
I got a lead on a job
at a brokerage firm,
127
00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:15,805
a gay man asked me to be
in his shampoo commercial,
128
00:05:15,847 --> 00:05:18,644
and a street vendor gave me
this hot dog...
129
00:05:19,661 --> 00:05:20,636
For free.
130
00:05:20,678 --> 00:05:22,753
I exude confidence now,
131
00:05:22,754 --> 00:05:24,448
and the world can just
sense it.
132
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:27,161
Chloe is a genius.
I-I need to thank her.
133
00:05:27,203 --> 00:05:28,475
Yeah, well, I don't know
where she is.
134
00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:29,746
I've been waiting for her
for, like, an hour.
135
00:05:33,136 --> 00:05:35,127
That was my mom,
and I didn't answer it.
136
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:37,076
I've never done that before.
And you know what?
137
00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:38,432
If she gets upset with me
138
00:05:38,433 --> 00:05:41,228
and doesn't send me cookies
this week,
139
00:05:41,229 --> 00:05:42,500
so be it.
140
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:45,042
My mother invented lunchables.
141
00:05:45,085 --> 00:05:46,568
Didn't get any credit
for it, though.
142
00:05:46,610 --> 00:05:49,492
Trusted the wrong people.
143
00:05:55,551 --> 00:05:56,949
Hey, June!
144
00:05:56,950 --> 00:05:59,322
I know you hate
when I come home drunk and fun
145
00:05:59,364 --> 00:06:01,017
and eat tomorrow's lunch.
146
00:06:01,059 --> 00:06:02,203
You're in a rut
147
00:06:02,246 --> 00:06:04,153
with the tuna, by the way.
148
00:06:09,237 --> 00:06:12,414
I'm home before her?
149
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:13,729
That little hooker.
150
00:06:15,805 --> 00:06:18,093
"I'm hotka vodka!"
151
00:06:18,136 --> 00:06:21,016
Oh! Hey! There she is.
152
00:06:21,017 --> 00:06:24,449
The sexy pirate! Eyeliner!
153
00:06:25,805 --> 00:06:26,992
What's going on?
154
00:06:27,034 --> 00:06:28,517
I took her to the vodka launch.
155
00:06:28,559 --> 00:06:30,975
They gave me a magnet!
156
00:06:31,017 --> 00:06:33,263
You took her
to the vodka launch?
157
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:34,619
Take a picture of me
and the magnet.
158
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,017
I go to those things with you...
159
00:06:36,059 --> 00:06:37,669
- And come back like that.
- That's our thing.
160
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:39,872
Well, I waited for you,
but you never showed.
161
00:06:39,873 --> 00:06:43,093
Oh, man. It's too bad, too.
They had tons of drugs
162
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,492
and a baked potato bar...
163
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:45,508
And then Macaulay Culkin got...
164
00:06:45,551 --> 00:06:47,161
His face painted like a tiger.
165
00:06:47,203 --> 00:06:50,636
It was awesome.
166
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:51,822
Well, June's dead.
167
00:06:51,864 --> 00:06:54,321
I hope you're happy.
168
00:07:10,390 --> 00:07:11,661
Morning.
169
00:07:11,703 --> 00:07:14,585
I'd offer you breakfast,
but you didn't make any.
170
00:07:14,669 --> 00:07:16,788
Ohh. What a night!
171
00:07:16,831 --> 00:07:19,754
Ohh. James and I had
so much fun.
172
00:07:19,797 --> 00:07:21,576
Mm.
We talked about camping
173
00:07:21,661 --> 00:07:24,203
and growing up and s'mores.
174
00:07:24,246 --> 00:07:25,432
Oh, so amish things.
175
00:07:25,475 --> 00:07:28,568
Oh.
I'm sure I'm late for work.
176
00:07:28,610 --> 00:07:31,534
All right. I'll fill you in
on the rest tonight.
177
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,864
What? Tonight?
178
00:07:33,949 --> 00:07:35,559
Are you
excited about "dancing with the stars"?
179
00:07:35,644 --> 00:07:37,127
Hey, how do you feel about...
180
00:07:37,169 --> 00:07:38,356
- Face me, James!
- Think you're the favorite
181
00:07:38,398 --> 00:07:39,540
to win "dancing with the stars"?
Hey, can we get
182
00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:40,729
a security guard
to stand guard over this guy?
183
00:07:40,771 --> 00:07:41,746
I don't want any holes cut
in his mouth.
184
00:07:41,788 --> 00:07:44,034
Oh, my gosh!
185
00:07:44,076 --> 00:07:46,873
Look at the size
of those shrimp!
186
00:07:46,915 --> 00:07:49,246
That's amazing!
187
00:07:49,288 --> 00:07:50,557
All right. Thank you.
188
00:07:50,558 --> 00:07:52,083
Can you believe how much press
showed up for me?
189
00:07:52,084 --> 00:07:54,076
Even the BBC's here.
Of course, they've loved me
190
00:07:54,119 --> 00:07:56,110
ever since I did
that Guy Ritchie movie.
191
00:07:56,153 --> 00:07:57,297
I told
chalky and puff puff and them
192
00:07:57,339 --> 00:07:58,695
down at pub
about me trouble and strife,
193
00:07:58,737 --> 00:08:00,432
and then she come in
all hungry-like,
194
00:08:00,475 --> 00:08:02,212
make me go down to chip shop,
put me Magnum in his mouth,
195
00:08:02,254 --> 00:08:03,992
and right spray his brains.
196
00:08:05,178 --> 00:08:06,449
Hold these.
197
00:08:06,492 --> 00:08:07,678
I'll get more.
198
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:08,949
Ugh. I can't believe
you invited her.
199
00:08:08,992 --> 00:08:10,136
What?
200
00:08:10,178 --> 00:08:12,847
She's fun, and her coloring
makes my eyes pop.
201
00:08:12,932 --> 00:08:15,813
I thought it was just
gonna be us tonight.
202
00:08:15,814 --> 00:08:17,975
Bringing somebody else in...
it messes up our dynamic.
203
00:08:18,017 --> 00:08:19,119
Sure, I took her out once,
204
00:08:19,161 --> 00:08:21,576
but that was just
a one-off, a pity lay.
205
00:08:21,619 --> 00:08:24,246
It wasn't supposed to be,
like, a full-time thing.
206
00:08:24,288 --> 00:08:26,746
Hello. I'm here today to introduce
myself to you... Whoo!
207
00:08:26,788 --> 00:08:30,558
Not as an actor,
humanitarian, or author,
208
00:08:30,559 --> 00:08:31,534
but as a dancer...
209
00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:34,500
So this is just
a silly little dance
210
00:08:34,542 --> 00:08:36,364
that a friend and I like
to do just for fun.
211
00:08:46,788 --> 00:08:47,932
What the hell?
212
00:09:04,924 --> 00:09:06,407
When did you rehearse this?
213
00:09:06,449 --> 00:09:07,466
We didn't.
214
00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:15,856
Knocking on the door
like you're the police!
215
00:09:15,898 --> 00:09:18,652
I am so sorry. I tried
to shut down the Internet,
216
00:09:18,653 --> 00:09:20,389
but it's bigger than me.
217
00:09:20,390 --> 00:09:21,364
Oh, my God.
Mm.
218
00:09:21,407 --> 00:09:22,424
I was in that photo.
I know.
219
00:09:22,466 --> 00:09:23,992
They photoshopped me out!
220
00:09:24,034 --> 00:09:27,593
I would never let anyone cut you
out of a photo with me.
221
00:09:27,636 --> 00:09:28,780
In fact, segue...
222
00:09:28,822 --> 00:09:30,729
Let me show you some photos
223
00:09:30,814 --> 00:09:32,254
I cut you into.
224
00:09:32,297 --> 00:09:34,669
Here is
the whitewater rafting trip
225
00:09:34,712 --> 00:09:36,153
we took last year.
226
00:09:36,195 --> 00:09:37,424
This is us in Belize.
227
00:09:37,466 --> 00:09:38,992
You're wearing a puka
shell neck... morning.
228
00:09:39,034 --> 00:09:40,051
Anyone want a bagel?
229
00:09:40,093 --> 00:09:41,237
Don't eat that.
230
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,144
Eat the brioche French toast
with apple butter...
231
00:09:43,186 --> 00:09:45,008
I'm gonna make you.
232
00:09:45,009 --> 00:09:47,805
Ugh! I have to go.
That takes time.
233
00:09:47,847 --> 00:09:48,822
Or...
234
00:09:48,864 --> 00:09:51,576
We could have
one of... These!
235
00:09:51,619 --> 00:09:52,805
I am so excited!
236
00:09:52,847 --> 00:09:55,135
My picture's never been
on the Internet before!
237
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,661
Every
time you search "June Colbern,"
238
00:09:56,703 --> 00:09:59,331
it's this woman in Portland
who drowned her kids.
239
00:09:59,373 --> 00:10:01,153
Chloe, thank you so much.
240
00:10:01,195 --> 00:10:03,822
You gave me the confidence to go
to the wedding today.
241
00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:05,602
That's right.
I decided to go,
242
00:10:05,644 --> 00:10:08,864
and James is going to be
my plus-one.
243
00:10:08,907 --> 00:10:10,600
But we're going to Derek Jeter's
barbecue later today.
244
00:10:10,601 --> 00:10:11,746
I was gonna convince him
to leave his girlfriend
245
00:10:11,788 --> 00:10:13,483
for, like, 20 minutes.
246
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:14,542
Look, Chloe,
you can't ask me to miss out
247
00:10:14,585 --> 00:10:16,533
on a wedding
with midwesterners.
248
00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:17,805
It's where
my star shines brightest.
249
00:10:17,847 --> 00:10:19,500
It's like my academy awards.
250
00:10:19,542 --> 00:10:22,168
No. You guys are done
hanging out.
251
00:10:22,169 --> 00:10:24,542
No more pictures,
no more bagels,
252
00:10:24,585 --> 00:10:26,492
and definitely no weddings.
253
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,483
Oh, my God.
She's jealous of us.
254
00:10:28,525 --> 00:10:29,966
She's jealous that
you and I are friends.
255
00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:31,407
How dare you talk about me
like I'm not here?!
256
00:10:31,449 --> 00:10:33,017
Okay, this is
the most un-fun threesome
257
00:10:33,059 --> 00:10:34,331
I've ever been a part of.
258
00:10:34,373 --> 00:10:36,110
Nobody's having sex,
and someone's yelling.
259
00:10:36,153 --> 00:10:38,144
I'm outta here.
260
00:10:39,458 --> 00:10:40,432
James and I are going
261
00:10:40,475 --> 00:10:41,449
to this wedding...
262
00:10:41,492 --> 00:10:43,017
And I will not be intimidated.
263
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,178
This confidence that
you're exhibiting is mine.
264
00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:46,831
I gave it to you,
and I'm taking it back.
265
00:10:46,873 --> 00:10:49,966
You can't.
It's in my body now.
266
00:10:50,008 --> 00:10:51,492
I'm New York June.
267
00:10:51,534 --> 00:10:54,034
"Jam on
your Blueberry Bel, June?"
268
00:10:54,076 --> 00:10:55,771
"No, thanks.
269
00:10:55,814 --> 00:10:58,568
"I'll have
an everything bagel...
270
00:10:58,610 --> 00:11:00,136
With schmear."
271
00:11:00,178 --> 00:11:03,102
Be whiter when you say that!
272
00:11:04,415 --> 00:11:08,441
So we went
to this club. So cool.
273
00:11:08,483 --> 00:11:11,702
Men and women pee
in the same bathroom.
274
00:11:13,864 --> 00:11:15,729
So I'm doing really well here.
275
00:11:15,771 --> 00:11:17,042
No freakin' way.
276
00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:20,983
James Van Der Beek is
at my wedding. Excuse me.
277
00:11:21,025 --> 00:11:22,381
Congratulations, crissy.
278
00:11:22,424 --> 00:11:25,855
Shut up. Dawson just kissed
my hand.
279
00:11:25,856 --> 00:11:27,847
Obviously, my wife is
super excited that you're here.
280
00:11:27,890 --> 00:11:29,203
Um, you're her freebie.
281
00:11:29,246 --> 00:11:30,220
Ah.
282
00:11:30,263 --> 00:11:31,320
The freebie. Yes.
283
00:11:31,321 --> 00:11:33,102
The one exception
to the marriage vow.
284
00:11:33,144 --> 00:11:34,458
Yeah.
The greatest responsibility
285
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:36,703
that comes with being
a celebrity.
286
00:11:36,746 --> 00:11:38,314
Uh, my freebie is Peri Gilpin.
287
00:11:38,315 --> 00:11:40,685
Uh, you know, uh, Roz
from "Frasier."
288
00:11:40,686 --> 00:11:42,720
She's so dry.
289
00:11:42,763 --> 00:11:43,695
Ha ha!
290
00:11:46,661 --> 00:11:49,161
Ooh! Bar.
Don't mind if I do.
291
00:11:53,229 --> 00:11:56,153
Thank you.
We are may/december!
292
00:11:56,195 --> 00:11:57,508
Eli, what are you doing here?
293
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,585
This is my gig.
What do you think?
294
00:11:59,627 --> 00:12:01,364
It's great. You're actually
kind of a normal person
295
00:12:01,407 --> 00:12:02,890
outside of your apartment.
296
00:12:02,932 --> 00:12:04,500
I'm layered, June,
like an onion,
297
00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:06,492
a sexy, sexy onion.
298
00:12:06,534 --> 00:12:08,441
Do you like the word "bulbous"?
299
00:12:15,941 --> 00:12:17,720
What are you doing here,
300
00:12:17,763 --> 00:12:19,712
and why are you here
with Kevin Sorbo?
301
00:12:19,754 --> 00:12:21,492
I only arrive at events
with celebrities.
302
00:12:21,493 --> 00:12:23,695
I like to make an entrance,
and since you took
303
00:12:23,737 --> 00:12:27,720
the one I usually use,
Hercules stepped in.
304
00:12:27,763 --> 00:12:29,373
When do I give my speech?
305
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,322
Um, after dinner.
306
00:12:31,364 --> 00:12:32,466
What speech?
307
00:12:32,508 --> 00:12:33,822
Oh, I'm the keynote speaker
at this benefit.
308
00:12:33,864 --> 00:12:35,263
Chloe set it up
through my publicist.
309
00:12:35,305 --> 00:12:38,186
You see, I'm really involved
in the fight against M.S.
310
00:12:38,229 --> 00:12:42,000
Uh, here. It's my aunt Bonnie.
311
00:12:42,085 --> 00:12:44,881
I'll be sharing her story
with you later tonight.
312
00:12:46,322 --> 00:12:47,381
Okay.
313
00:12:47,424 --> 00:12:49,669
"A," you were not invited
to this wedding,
314
00:12:49,712 --> 00:12:52,339
"B," you totally conned
Kevin Sorbo,
315
00:12:52,381 --> 00:12:55,051
and "C," I have a life
that happens to include
316
00:12:55,093 --> 00:12:56,958
a friendship with James.
317
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,949
What are you smiling at?
318
00:12:58,992 --> 00:13:00,856
June?
319
00:13:13,630 --> 00:13:14,760
What are you doing here?
320
00:13:14,802 --> 00:13:16,768
I-I called this morning
to give you the heads-up.
321
00:13:16,810 --> 00:13:18,273
Didn't Chloe tell you?
322
00:13:19,655 --> 00:13:20,701
Hello?
323
00:13:20,743 --> 00:13:22,835
Chloe, it's Steven.
324
00:13:24,425 --> 00:13:25,387
June's ex-fiance.
325
00:13:27,019 --> 00:13:28,567
You and I had sex
on her birthday cake.
326
00:13:30,032 --> 00:13:32,417
It was chocolate.
Oh, hey. What's up?
327
00:13:32,459 --> 00:13:35,262
Well, is June there? No, she's in the
shower getting ready for the wedding.
328
00:13:35,304 --> 00:13:36,350
So annoying.
329
00:13:36,392 --> 00:13:38,149
I know June got the wedding
after the breakup,
330
00:13:38,191 --> 00:13:40,869
but, uh, I'm in New York,
and I decided to go,
331
00:13:40,910 --> 00:13:42,375
so could you let her know?
332
00:13:42,417 --> 00:13:43,881
I could.
333
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,517
I said, "I could."
I didn't say I would.
334
00:13:46,601 --> 00:13:48,358
Semantics. Go.
335
00:13:51,203 --> 00:13:53,337
I'm so glad you decided
to come, Steven.
336
00:13:53,421 --> 00:13:55,136
You look great.
337
00:13:55,178 --> 00:13:56,810
So you're okay with me
being here?
338
00:13:56,811 --> 00:13:58,526
You're not gonna freak out?
339
00:13:58,567 --> 00:14:01,328
Oh, Steven.
340
00:14:01,329 --> 00:14:03,630
When did you get so funny?
341
00:14:03,672 --> 00:14:06,014
What? No, it's not funny.
It's hurtful.
342
00:14:06,015 --> 00:14:09,153
Speaking of,
Steven, how is your penis
343
00:14:09,195 --> 00:14:10,534
since the last time I saw it?
344
00:14:10,576 --> 00:14:12,291
Chloe, I'm sure
you don't remember.
345
00:14:12,333 --> 00:14:15,220
You've seen, like,
300 since then.
346
00:14:15,262 --> 00:14:16,559
You want to get a drink?
347
00:14:16,601 --> 00:14:18,902
Oh, my second one
of the day, you mean?
348
00:14:18,944 --> 00:14:20,157
Sure.
349
00:14:21,664 --> 00:14:24,551
So... I'm having trouble
finding the I.T. guy.
350
00:14:24,592 --> 00:14:25,973
I mean, you got
the powerpoint presentation
351
00:14:26,015 --> 00:14:27,856
I e-mailed you, right?
Because I need to sync
352
00:14:27,898 --> 00:14:29,446
my slides to music.
353
00:14:29,488 --> 00:14:31,078
Yeah, don't worry.
It's all taken care of.
354
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,671
Good.
355
00:14:35,095 --> 00:14:39,321
So, um, how did
this disease affect you?
356
00:14:41,454 --> 00:14:44,927
I... have...
357
00:14:50,199 --> 00:14:51,160
You remember the time
358
00:14:51,161 --> 00:14:52,375
when I wanted
to go skinny-dipping
359
00:14:52,417 --> 00:14:54,300
and you said no
'cause of your thing
360
00:14:54,341 --> 00:14:56,099
with community swimming?
Ohh.
361
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:58,233
I was obsessed
with accidentally swallowing
362
00:14:58,274 --> 00:14:59,237
fecal molecules.
363
00:14:59,279 --> 00:15:00,659
Ohh.
364
00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:03,379
Ohh. I don't even know
that girl anymore.
365
00:15:03,421 --> 00:15:05,136
You do seem really different.
366
00:15:05,178 --> 00:15:06,894
Yeah, I have
a transvestite friend now.
367
00:15:06,936 --> 00:15:08,735
Her name is Tim.
368
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:10,283
Well, I'd better get back
369
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:13,463
to my date, James Van Der Beek.
370
00:15:13,505 --> 00:15:14,676
I'll see you later.
371
00:15:14,718 --> 00:15:16,559
Uh, hey, June?
372
00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:17,856
Sorry. Um...
373
00:15:17,898 --> 00:15:20,576
Does this mean
we can be friends?
374
00:15:20,618 --> 00:15:22,459
Yeah.
375
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,425
Yeah, we can be friends.
376
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,103
Ohh!
377
00:15:27,145 --> 00:15:28,567
God, this is so hot.
Ohh.
378
00:15:28,609 --> 00:15:30,659
Mm. Mm. Ohh.
Old June never would have done this.
379
00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:32,668
New June isn't even
wearing a bra,
380
00:15:32,710 --> 00:15:34,926
just those weird cups
that stick on with tape.
381
00:15:34,927 --> 00:15:35,848
Oh, God!
382
00:15:35,890 --> 00:15:37,479
Mm. Mm! Ohh.
383
00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:39,655
It's even hotter
because my girlfriend's here.
384
00:15:39,697 --> 00:15:41,580
What? Yeah.
Oh, we've been exclusive
385
00:15:41,622 --> 00:15:43,044
for, like, three months and...
386
00:15:43,086 --> 00:15:44,132
You're disgusting.
387
00:15:44,174 --> 00:15:45,764
I know. So are you.
388
00:15:45,806 --> 00:15:47,060
No.
389
00:15:47,061 --> 00:15:49,947
What? I thought, uh, you were
a new person now, huh?
390
00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:51,915
No. New June is cool
drinking wine during the day.
391
00:15:51,916 --> 00:15:54,258
She's not okay
with you cheating.
392
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:55,722
That's why we broke up.
393
00:15:55,764 --> 00:15:57,898
No, we broke up
because you're boring.
394
00:15:57,940 --> 00:15:59,321
What?
395
00:15:59,362 --> 00:16:03,128
It feels so good to say that.
396
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:06,098
You're boring.
That's why I cheated.
397
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,567
I did it to feel alive.
398
00:16:10,241 --> 00:16:12,751
All right. Well...
399
00:16:12,793 --> 00:16:14,090
Take care of yourself.
400
00:16:14,132 --> 00:16:16,350
♪ stay with me, stay ♪
401
00:16:18,274 --> 00:16:20,074
♪ I need you to love me ♪
402
00:16:20,157 --> 00:16:23,756
♪ I need you today ♪
403
00:16:23,797 --> 00:16:26,141
♪ give to me your leather ♪
404
00:16:26,182 --> 00:16:30,618
♪ take from me my lace ♪
405
00:16:30,659 --> 00:16:33,965
♪ take from me ♪
406
00:16:34,007 --> 00:16:37,898
♪ my lace ♪
407
00:16:41,789 --> 00:16:44,216
What do you think of Candice?
Amazing, right?
408
00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:47,562
Do you know she's been
sexually active for 68 years?
409
00:16:47,563 --> 00:16:49,321
What's wrong?
410
00:16:49,362 --> 00:16:51,496
Are you jealous because James
is hanging out with June?
411
00:16:51,538 --> 00:16:53,756
What? No. Why does everyone
keep asking me that?
412
00:16:53,797 --> 00:16:57,772
Shh. Hey. Hey, clo.
It's me. It's your pal Eli.
413
00:16:57,814 --> 00:16:59,153
Come on, lady.
414
00:16:59,195 --> 00:17:01,203
I hate the new June, all right?
415
00:17:01,245 --> 00:17:02,876
She has to be in the spotlight
416
00:17:02,877 --> 00:17:04,466
and go places with a celebrity.
417
00:17:04,467 --> 00:17:06,768
It's like everything has
to be about her.
418
00:17:06,810 --> 00:17:08,314
When everything should be
all about you.
419
00:17:08,315 --> 00:17:09,488
Exactly. Thank you.
420
00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:11,120
Not being the center
of attention makes you feel
421
00:17:11,162 --> 00:17:14,592
like you're not special,
but, hey, it's okay, c-bear.
422
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,894
Everybody feels insecure
sometimes.
423
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:21,036
Okay, I just realized that
this is a wedding,
424
00:17:21,078 --> 00:17:23,212
so I'm gonna stay and eat
the salmon,
425
00:17:23,254 --> 00:17:25,220
because aunt Bonnie can't,
426
00:17:25,304 --> 00:17:28,400
and then I'm leaving to fire
my publicist.
427
00:17:28,442 --> 00:17:30,533
By the way,
your blonde friend is having
428
00:17:30,534 --> 00:17:32,248
a meltdown in the coatroom.
429
00:17:33,881 --> 00:17:34,883
What's the matter, June?
430
00:17:34,884 --> 00:17:36,768
Not as confident
as you thought you were?
431
00:17:36,810 --> 00:17:37,856
He said he broke up with me
432
00:17:37,898 --> 00:17:39,571
'cause I was boring.
433
00:17:39,572 --> 00:17:41,873
He called you "boring"?
434
00:17:41,915 --> 00:17:43,003
Dude, that's, like,
the worst thing
435
00:17:43,086 --> 00:17:44,676
you can say to someone.
436
00:17:44,718 --> 00:17:46,726
He's right. He knows me
better than anyone.
437
00:17:46,768 --> 00:17:48,735
He saw right through me.
438
00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:51,580
Inside, I'm still the girl who's
afraid to go skinny-dipping.
439
00:17:51,622 --> 00:17:53,212
Oh, skinny-dipping?
Are people going?
440
00:17:53,254 --> 00:17:55,764
See?
I'm not confident like you.
441
00:17:55,806 --> 00:17:59,237
New York June was all an act.
442
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,538
I'm just an insecure mess
who's right back on the floor
443
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,509
where she started.
444
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,019
Here. This is ugly.
445
00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:10,157
Okay, first of all...
446
00:18:10,199 --> 00:18:11,245
If anyone's
gonna be calling you names,
447
00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:12,584
it's gonna be me.
448
00:18:12,585 --> 00:18:15,136
Second, just because
some cheating loser
449
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:16,852
with a cheap suit
said something
450
00:18:16,894 --> 00:18:18,023
doesn't make it true.
451
00:18:19,321 --> 00:18:23,170
Everyone feels
a little insecure sometimes.
452
00:18:24,174 --> 00:18:25,721
I feel insecure sometimes.
453
00:18:25,722 --> 00:18:28,567
I mean... I'm going
on "dancing with the stars."
454
00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:31,454
I'm asking America to pick up
a phone and judge me.
455
00:18:31,496 --> 00:18:33,463
One digit will separate me
from Al Roker.
456
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,011
I mean, what if
no one votes for me?
457
00:18:35,053 --> 00:18:36,559
What if I'm too pretty?
458
00:18:36,601 --> 00:18:38,107
My husband and
I will vote for you, James.
459
00:18:38,149 --> 00:18:40,032
Oh. Thank you, crissy.
460
00:18:40,074 --> 00:18:41,161
Yeah.
461
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,294
I can't believe
I made out with him
462
00:18:43,295 --> 00:18:45,470
after everything that he did.
463
00:18:45,471 --> 00:18:47,228
That wasn't me being
cool and awesome.
464
00:18:47,270 --> 00:18:48,567
That was me being weak.
465
00:18:48,609 --> 00:18:50,994
June, you were in love with him
for, like, 30 years.
466
00:18:51,078 --> 00:18:52,375
You're not weak.
467
00:18:52,417 --> 00:18:54,634
You have a deceptive strength,
468
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:58,860
and you have something
you never had in Indiana... me.
469
00:18:58,902 --> 00:19:01,955
So come on. Let's go show Steven
how fabulous you are.
470
00:19:01,956 --> 00:19:03,923
James, it's time to act.
471
00:19:05,806 --> 00:19:07,521
"What do you want to hear, huh?
472
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:08,567
"Do you want to hear
that sometimes
473
00:19:08,609 --> 00:19:10,952
"I feel like eating
a bullet, huh?
474
00:19:10,994 --> 00:19:12,710
'Cause I do."
475
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:14,592
That's from "lethal weapon."
It's part of his process.
476
00:19:14,593 --> 00:19:15,555
Oh.
477
00:19:18,777 --> 00:19:22,333
You're feelin' it, Candice.
Your spine looks so straight.
478
00:19:25,346 --> 00:19:26,977
Uh, I-I hope you're all enjoying
479
00:19:27,019 --> 00:19:30,241
what is obviously a wedding.
480
00:19:30,283 --> 00:19:34,718
Uh, crissy and Robert,
you won't always be healthy.
481
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,396
It all started
when my aunt Bonnie, well,
482
00:19:37,438 --> 00:19:40,367
she said she could no longer
hold onto a cup of tea,
483
00:19:40,408 --> 00:19:41,831
and we thought nothing
of it at the time.
484
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:44,926
You monster! Yeah, I'm talking
to you, home perm!
485
00:19:44,927 --> 00:19:46,894
I got a bone to pick with you.
486
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:49,194
How dare you make out
with my June
487
00:19:49,195 --> 00:19:51,831
and then call her
"boring," huh?
488
00:19:51,873 --> 00:19:54,341
She is the sexiest,
most un-boring woman
489
00:19:54,383 --> 00:19:56,726
I have ever
had the pleasure of bedding.
490
00:19:58,693 --> 00:19:59,738
Ohh.
491
00:20:01,873 --> 00:20:02,792
Ohh!
492
00:20:02,793 --> 00:20:04,760
You bitch!
493
00:20:04,802 --> 00:20:06,601
Ohh!
Since you moved here from Indiana,
494
00:20:06,643 --> 00:20:07,898
men have just fallen
at your feet,
495
00:20:07,899 --> 00:20:10,367
but not this time.
Not my James!
496
00:20:10,408 --> 00:20:11,705
That's right.
497
00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:15,513
Don't forget to vote for me
on "dancing with the stars."
498
00:20:18,316 --> 00:20:20,074
Listen, I can't help it
499
00:20:20,115 --> 00:20:24,090
if James and this city
find me irresistible.
500
00:20:24,132 --> 00:20:26,350
There are consequences, June!
501
00:20:27,689 --> 00:20:29,697
What about him?
What about baby Deshawn?
502
00:20:29,739 --> 00:20:30,701
No, that's Crissy's nephew,
503
00:20:30,743 --> 00:20:32,667
and his neck is not yet formed.
504
00:20:32,668 --> 00:20:35,931
Oh. This party's beat.
Let's bounce.
505
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:41,830
My aunt Bonnie bounced
506
00:20:41,831 --> 00:20:44,216
between doctors,
nutritionists, healers,
507
00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:45,806
and none of 'em could
diagnose...
508
00:20:47,187 --> 00:20:49,195
This one's for you, Steven.
509
00:20:49,237 --> 00:20:52,710
♪ I want you to know ♪
510
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,931
♪ that I'm happy for you ♪
511
00:20:55,973 --> 00:20:57,520
Nope. Nope.
♪ I... ♪
512
00:20:57,521 --> 00:20:58,818
No.
513
00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:01,162
Find another way
to express that.
514
00:21:10,383 --> 00:21:12,459
So Sorbo, huh?
515
00:21:12,502 --> 00:21:15,256
Did you guys do zombie arms?
516
00:21:15,298 --> 00:21:17,078
I'm gonna say no,
but we both know it's a lie.
517
00:21:18,095 --> 00:21:19,875
Oh, my gosh!
James, there you are.
518
00:21:20,892 --> 00:21:21,824
"Bit o' bovva."
519
00:21:21,866 --> 00:21:23,307
Oh, yeah.
What's that?
520
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:25,976
Oh, that's that Guy Ritchie
movie he's in. Yeah.
521
00:21:26,019 --> 00:21:27,798
Tell Rosie,
that filthy scrubba,
522
00:21:27,841 --> 00:21:30,298
her fish-and-chips were
the best.
523
00:21:30,341 --> 00:21:34,281
I'm murdered.
What a bit o' bovva.
524
00:21:35,807 --> 00:21:36,739
I ad-libbed that line,
525
00:21:36,781 --> 00:21:38,561
and they made it
the title of the movie.
526
00:21:38,603 --> 00:21:40,383
Oh.
Yeah.
527
00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:45,425
Sync & corrections by into-the-light.
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