Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I can now state unequivocally
there is not an ounce of cheese up here.
There's a cow who goes by now and then,
but much too fast to be milked.
I'm quite comfortable just now,
but you should see me at full moon.
I keep sliding off.
Tonight's program has been a rather long time in the making.
The light from that star, for example,
has taken 50,000 years to reach you.
But I suppose that is rather unimpressive
considering the age of some movies now seen on television.
Our story is considerably younger.
It is called "Coyote Moon."
I tried out for the title role, but was rejected.
They're using the real thing.
Favoritism, you know.
Where'd you say you found it? Out in the desert.
Lying on the edge of the highway.
Mister, we pay a bounty on coyote
in this part of the state.
I know, but I just couldn't leave him lying out there
in the sun to die.
He might have hydrophobia.
No, he's been hit by a car.
He might pull through if we could get him to a vet.
A vet!
Sure, this is a cow town, isn't it?
There ought to be a vet around here.
What? You think any cow doctor's
gonna go to work on a coyote?
Why not?
Mister, this here's the absolute most worthless critter
the good Lord ever made.
If it weren't for him,
you'd have a plague of ground squirrels
and rabbits inside of a year.
You know,
one of these critters will take a sheep dog
twice their size out in the hills
I'll go phone Doc Parker.
They send the wagon by here for me, I'm gonna blame you.
Thanks.
Hello. Hello.
Is he hurt very bad?
That dog, I mean.
Well, that isn't a dog, that's a coyote.
Oh.
I found him on the highway. He'd been hit by a car.
I felt sorry for him, lying out there in that hot sun.
Boy, I know how he feels. Oh?
Well, I'm going west, to see my mother. She's sick, you know,
and I've been trying to get out there to see her.
Boy, it feels like I've been on this road forever.
But don't you worry about me, I'm gonna get there.
I'm in the home stretch now.
Where are you going? Sentinel Mesa.
My brother Harry's working out there.
And as soon as I get there,
we're gonna drive the rest of the way in his car.
If it ain't too late.
Sentinel Mesa?
It's somewhere's west of here.
Oh?
You going west?
Fifty-two miles.
Boy, it wouldn't take long in a swell car like this.
Wonder how long it'll take me.
What's your name? Julie.
Julie, you wouldn't be trying to wangle a ride with me,
would you?
Well, just to Sentinel Mesa.
All right, Sentinel Mesa.
I got my bag right here.
Doc says that anyone that brings a varmint coyote
within half a block of his house,
he'll blow his head off.
I expect you better just bundle him back in the car
and take him along.
I reckon he just came along for the ride.
Well, I'm sorry I bothered you.
Let's all forget it.
Thanks just the same.
Right here will be fine. Huh?
Stop!
Hey! Hey, Pops!
Bless your heart. You got us a ride, did you, honey?
You don't know how we appreciate this, mister.
We was about done in.
Come on, there's plenty of room up here in front for all of us.
Pops? He's my father.
You didn't say anything about...
Hey, ain't this a swell rig, though?
All the comforts of home.
Can't tell you what this means to me and Julie, mister.
The old highway sure is hot on the dogs.
What are we waiting for?
Well, we'll be there in an hour, anyway.
Where? Sentinel Mesa.
Huh? I told him about Brother Harry,
about his waiting there with the car.
Oh, yes.
Where you headed, mister? California.
Well, how do you like that for a coincidence?
We're going to California, too.
We're going to see Ma. She's sick out there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got work out there in California? Yes, I do.
I'm going to teach at a university.
Oh, professor, huh? Associate.
Huh?
Not quite a professor. Almost.
Professors make pretty good money, I hear.
$2.85, $3.20 an hour, somebody was telling me.
You fellas must have pretty strong unions.
Smoke?
No, thanks.
How come you're all alone?
My wife and baby flew out.
Baby? How old?
Three months.
Well, three months, what do you know about that?
Julie's gonna have a baby, too.
Well, congratulations.
Yes, sir.
When we get out to California,
I sure want to see that baby of yours.
You know him?
How would I know him?
You've been giving him such a going over,
I thought you might be looking for someone.
Brother Harry, maybe?
Brother Harry's in Sentinel Mesa.
Yeah, he's waiting there with a car.
Yeah, Harry's working in a garage there.
Harry works most of the time.
I don't have nothing to do with hitchhikers.
Make it a policy.
Never know who you're gonna pick up.
Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, they'll be okay,
like Julie and me here,
but that hundredth fella, he's the one that'll give you trouble.
You really think so?
You're doggone right I do.
Can't be too careful these days.
Flat? Afraid so.
Flat as my pocketbook.
You got a spare? Behind the front seat.
I'll take care of her, Professor.
I'm a crackerjack with flats.
What's this?
Paper cups, napkins, picnic stuff.
Well, from here on out, I'll take care of all the breakdowns.
It's only 10 miles to Sentinel Mesa.
Boy, I'm glad. I'm so hungry.
You're looking at the only garage in Sentinel Mesa, mister.
Right out them windows.
We ain't never had anybody working here named Harry.
Two fifty-five, three and five.
Well, she's all fixed.
Got the spare tire put back and everything.
Put it back myself, saved you 80 cents.
You stick with old Pops,
you'll make yourself some money.
How about Brother Harry?
You know, that had me stumped for a minute.
I'd have swore he wrote he was working in Sentinel Mesa.
Sure. Sure, what?
It wasn't Sentinel Mesa at all.
Sentinel Mountain. Happens all the time.
Bet I know right where he's working, the Ace.
Ace. Ace Garage.
Yeah, even the post office gets mixed up.
Two towns on the same highway,
28 miles apart, both Sentinel.
Mesa and Mountain.
How you feel, honey? Not so good.
She's... You know.
Aw, the poor thing.
Why didn't you tell me?
Well, I get to feeling so bad,
I don't like to talk about it.
I get dizzy now and then...
Twenty-eight miles to Sentinel Mountain.
When's the next bus due?
Bus? Huh?
I'm going to do you both a favor.
I'm going to pay your fare to Sentinel Mountain.
There ain't no bus stops here.
This here's the country.
Oh, my... She fainted.
Where's the nearest doctor?
Doc Willoughby. Twenty-eight miles.
Get her out to the car.
You just go to the Ace Garage
and you ask for Doc Willoughby.
They'll tell you where. Come on.
What do you want?
I would have liked a cigarette.
Looks like you're fresh out.
Here, have one of mine.
Now why would I put that in my pocket?
How about that coffee, baby?
Julie?
We only got this one cup.
What will we do? Take turns?
We've got some more.
I'll get them in a minute.
Let her get them. Exercise will do her good.
We'll have to stop.
They're in the tire compartment behind the front seat.
That's a funny place to keep cups.
I only took one out. I didn't expect company.
Oh.
No need to stop.
Pour the professor a cup.
Say, how do you like it? Cream, sugar...
Wait, I remember, I remember.
Never mind.
We're stopping here anyway.
And now let's get out the cups and have a parting drink.
But I just told you...
I know what you just told me.
I'm telling you to get out.
You, too, Julie.
We do something wrong? Out.
Out!
You miserable, old...
Now, just a minute, young fella...
How much did he pay you for it? For what?
That brand new tire.
You sold it to the garage man back there.
Get your bags and get out.
There ain't nobody here.
Hello!
See? There ain't nobody here.
I don't care.
You're getting out anyway.
But there ain't no water here, no nothing.
You wouldn't leave a poor little girl like Julie
out here in the desert, would you?
Oh, wouldn't I?
What you got to be so sore about?
I'm cruel and ungrateful
and insulting and ungenerous,
but that's life.
You've got your nerve.
Couldn't be sorrier.
We might die out here.
You'll adapt, just like the coyote.
Your old man doesn't miss a trick, does he?
He sold them both. That's a junk tire.
Where'd he go?
This here is my boy Harry, Professor.
He quit his job at the Ace Garage. Didn't you, Harry?
Yeah.
Had a little hard luck with the car
he was gonna drive us to California in.
Didn't you, Harry? Yeah.
He figured we'd be passing here
and we could all ride west together.
Right, Harry? Yeah.
He says Pops stole his tires.
What tires? Right off the car.
Why would I do a thing like that?
There's a junk tire on my back wheel.
The garage man done it.
Figured he was a crook the minute I saw him.
Mister, do I understand you called my old man a thief?
He stole my tires.
Now ain't that gratitude for you?
We come along with him,
keep him company, make coffee for him,
help him change flat tires.
And you go on calling him dirty names.
What kind of a man are you, Professor?
Hey.
He's fixing to leave us here.
Is that right, Professor?
You call my old man a thief
and my sister a liar,
and tell them you're gonna dump 'em out here in the desert?
You do all them things?
Huh?
You know, if it was up to me,
I wouldn't take you one step further.
What's the matter? Out of gas.
Hey, Professor.
How long since you got gas?
Abilene or someplace like that.
Abilene? That's 300 miles.
Well, maybe it wasn't Abilene, maybe it was someplace in Oklahoma.
Dumb jerk.
And I thought professors was supposed to be so smart.
Absent-minded, too.
You think it's funny, don't you?
You know where we are?
Halfway between Sentinel Mountain and El Paso.
There's 30 miles of desert before we get to the next water.
You'll adapt.
I ought to bust you right in the teeth.
Hey, somebody's coming.
Go on, Julie, go on, get out there. Hurry!
Pops, Harry, come on!
Quick, go sit in the front.
Operator.
Get me the police, please.
Do you wish the police department at El Paso or Sentinel Mountain?
Anyone, but make it fast.
I'm at
Scorpion Springs.
They robbed me blind and they're walking away.
Boy, mister, we sure do appreciate this.
Hey, Pops, Harry, come on!
Bless your heart.
That old highway sure is hot on the dogs.
How far you going, mister?
El Paso. Huh?
Laryngitis. Oh.
Is something wrong?
What's the matter?
Hey, take your foot off the pedal, mister. You're flooding it.
I'll be right back.
Hey!
Hey, where are you going?
Dumb jerk was flooding it.
Bet I can start it for him.
Well, I certainly do thank you.
Not at all.
My car!
My car was right here.
Hey!
Hey, there! That's my car.
Look, there's a police car.
Someone out here called El Paso. What's going on?
Somebody just swiped my car.
Where'd they go? Right there.
All of you, stay right where you are.
Come on.
They were trying to steal my car.
Well, he's a liar.
He rode right up and asked us to come in.
I did no such thing.
We were inside looking at the map.
He told me he had something wrong with his throat!
He sure did.
Does it sound like I have something wrong with my throat?
You three lying tramps,
so help me, you're going to go to jail
if I have to put you there myself.
You're making a big mistake, Officer.
He came right up to us and asked us to come right in.
I'm telling you, he asked us to come in.
I'm telling you, it's a frame-up.
Shut up, all three of you!
You find yourself a lawyer and tell him all about it.
But I'm telling you...
Now head on inside there while we fill out the complaint.
In case you're wondering about Julie, Harry and Pops,
that trio of nature's noblemen,
they received just what they deserved and more.
As it turned out,
they had been part of a gang of hijackers
that stole supermarket carts,
filed off the serial numbers,
smuggled them to Mexico,
where they had sold them as baby carriages.
The court showed them no mercy.
I hope you didn't mind the lack of murder and mayhem in tonight's story,
but we thought we might give you a vacation from it.
For those of you who insist on violence,
I can only refer you to your daily paper
or your innermost thoughts.
Next time we promise to do better.
Until then, good night.