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00:00:48,771 --> 00:00:50,371
D'oh!
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00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:30,700
♪ The Simpsons 23x21 ♪
Ned 'n' Edna's Blend
Original Air Date on May 7, 2012
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00:01:30,701 --> 00:01:34,001
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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Okay, people, we are trying
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to depict
the sizzling final days
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of the Nathan Lane of
the New Testament, Jesus Christ.
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Now remember, this is
the Passion Play,
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not The Phone It In Play.
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00:01:53,152 --> 00:01:55,837
not the I Once Had Three Shows
on Broadway Simultaneously
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But I Blew All My Money on Coke
and Now Here I Am Play,
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so let's do this thing!
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Hi. My name is
Milhouse Van Houten,
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00:02:02,761 --> 00:02:06,064
and I am auditioning for
the role of Child Who Points.
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Yeah, okay, point stage left.
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I prepared right!
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Well, I better get going.
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00:02:12,054 --> 00:02:14,155
This is starting to feel
a little churchy.
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00:02:14,223 --> 00:02:16,157
Why do we have to audition
for the stupid play,
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00:02:16,225 --> 00:02:17,325
and Dad gets to leave?
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00:02:17,393 --> 00:02:18,943
I already have my part.
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Man Who Buys Ticket,
But Doesn't Show Up.
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Also, the Passion Play
isn't stupid.
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It's the greatest story
ever told.
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Maybe it was once,
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but now there's
lots of better stories.
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00:02:30,305 --> 00:02:31,572
Krusty vs. the F.D.A.
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00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:34,509
Game Six of
the 2011 World Series.
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00:02:34,576 --> 00:02:37,245
Hitler mashups!
And Lenny's story about Cancun.
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00:02:37,312 --> 00:02:39,480
Yeah, why aren't we
doing Lenny's story?
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00:02:39,548 --> 00:02:40,982
That thing's hilarious.
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00:02:41,049 --> 00:02:42,467
Not so hilarious for me.
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I nearly lost a toe.
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That's what you get
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00:02:45,053 --> 00:02:46,721
for having a monkey
give you a foot massage.
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00:02:46,789 --> 00:02:48,790
My bucket list
is my business.
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Next audition!
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Ah-ha-ha. Name's Ned Flanders.
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Credits include Jesus
in the Passion Play last year,
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Jesus in the Passion Play
the year before that,
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Jesus, Jesus, a kindly hobo
who turns out to be--
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you guessed it-- Saint Peter...
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to my two assistants here.
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You will be
a non-speaking Pharisee.
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But-but-but...
Jesus didn't stammer!
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His voice hit the back
of the theater!
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He was a god who
turned water into wine
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and did not wear shoes.
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Ooh!
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He said simple things
that many followed.
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Just like me on Twitter!
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And he was tragically killed
while still in his 30s...
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D'oh!
...after an all-night dinner.
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Woo-hoo!
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I'm your Jesus! Me!
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Boom. Done.
This guy's perfect!
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You understand why God
would have forsaken him.
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Well, congratulations, Homer.
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00:03:35,404 --> 00:03:37,355
I guess this is just
my cross to bear.
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What's that a reference to?
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Oh!
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Ooh, nice and roomy.
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Our Lord sure knew
how to keep 'em cool.
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Dad?
Yes, sweetie?
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First of all,
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congratulations on
getting the lead.
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Whee! Whee!
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00:03:53,472 --> 00:03:55,456
I just hope you're going
to take this seriously.
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Oh, yes, Lisa.
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Very seriously. Whee!
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Dad, the story of the Passion
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is the cornerstone
of the Christian faith.
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00:04:02,598 --> 00:04:04,182
And although I personally follow
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the enlightened teachings
of Lord Buddha,
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00:04:06,051 --> 00:04:08,736
messing with Jesus
really gets people mad.
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00:04:08,804 --> 00:04:10,788
It's like wearing
a Florida State jersey
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00:04:10,856 --> 00:04:12,056
to a Florida game.
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00:04:13,141 --> 00:04:14,909
O Lord, why have you placed
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00:04:14,977 --> 00:04:17,111
this fearsome burden
on my shoulders?
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It'll be fine.
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Just learn your lines.
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Does Jesus have a big part
in this thing?
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He's in every scene.
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What?
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Why do I succeed at everything
I audition for?
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Dear Lord, I know you see all,
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but trust me,
You do not want to see this.
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00:04:40,669 --> 00:04:44,572
And so our Lord was brought
before Pontius Pilate.
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What's he in for?
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He calls himself
"King of the Jews."
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Oh, boy.
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Okay, be straight with me.
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You can probably plead this
down to crucifixion.
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Do you call yourself
King of the Jews?
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Thou sayest it.
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He's good.
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Wow, I'm so moved
I renounce science,
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00:05:03,492 --> 00:05:05,159
with the facts,
and the peer reviews,
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00:05:05,226 --> 00:05:07,945
and the hypotheses
tested by evidence.
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What shall I do then with Jesus,
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which is called Christ?
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Crucify him!
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They cannot judge me.
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Only my father can judge me.
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Crucify him!
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I'll take you with me, old man!
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00:05:22,494 --> 00:05:24,929
Jesus was handed
a heavy cross,
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00:05:24,997 --> 00:05:27,698
and upon his brow
was placed a crown...
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Ooh!
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...of thorns.
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What the...?
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Daughters of Jerusalem!
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Weep not for me,
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but weep for yourselves.
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You know, Homer's giving it
the old Bible-college try.
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Maybe I should've dialed down
the Doubting Thomas.
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Silence, Pharisee!
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Looks like someone didn't
follow the underwear rule!
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This man is totally
the Son of God.
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Tonight you shall be
at my right hand in heaven.
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All right!
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It pays to network
at these things.
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Jesus cried again
with a loud voice
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and yielded up his spirit.
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Lord, forgive me for my pride.
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All wise as always, you have
rightly raised Homer above me.
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Never again
will I question...
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Out of my way, stupid Flanders!
Ow!
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Ah, I knew we should've done
Spamalot.
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I'm not licked.
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I'll just make them
think this was planned.
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♪ Who's to say ♪
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♪ This didn't happen ♪
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♪ Who's to say ♪
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♪ And curtain! ♪
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Diddily...
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doodily...
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No atheist blood, please.
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Sorry, ma'am, only members of
the immediate family allowed in.
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It's okay.
She's my wife.
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Ned and Edna, married?
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That's right. Ha!
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Wow!
Oh, my goodness.
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Hey, Dad.
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00:07:17,626 --> 00:07:19,727
You remember when you said
if Flanders got remarried
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you'd eat your hat?
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Uh-oh.
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Ooh, licorice!
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Mmm, historically inaccurate.
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Well, it was nice having a
secret marriage while it lasted.
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Well, sir, now we'll
have an open marriage!
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Um...
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you do know what that means?
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00:07:42,303 --> 00:07:45,289
No, but I'm sure Newt Gingrich
wouldn't steer us wrong.
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At least in the hospital
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we can just enjoy a nice,
quiet moment together.
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Congratulations, you two!
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We're so, so happy for you.
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Welcome to marriage.
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Another good man
bites the dust.
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Homer!
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I'm talking about this guy!
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Oh, I sure envy him.
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Homer!
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00:08:12,183 --> 00:08:13,583
I mean, I envy Flanders,
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00:08:13,651 --> 00:08:15,686
once again enjoying
the joys of marriage.
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Let's put it to
a vote, America.
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Enough with the voting.
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Ned, Edna,
why didn't you tell us?
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'Cause everyone in this town
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makes such a big heckabaloo
out of everything.
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Nedding bells are ringing.
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00:08:26,531 --> 00:08:29,266
See what happens
when Teachy met Preachy
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on Channel 6,
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your source for news-based puns.
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I was just down the hall
getting some very bad news,
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and I saw there was
a party going on.
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Congratulations from the Mayor.
Vote Quimby.
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00:08:39,694 --> 00:08:42,262
Many happy returns!
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00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,880
Hope you're both happy.
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00:08:43,948 --> 00:08:45,949
Edna, as the runner-up
in the race for your heart,
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I would like to make a toast.
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My Dearest, let me be
the first to offer you
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00:08:50,672 --> 00:08:53,073
the hearty handshake
that would've climaxed
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00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:54,741
our own wedding day...
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00:08:54,809 --> 00:08:58,278
Seymour, did you use my wig glue
to patch your shoes again?
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00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:01,048
I tied them together
with used dental floss,
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00:09:01,115 --> 00:09:02,299
as per your memo!
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00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,201
Everybody out. Now!
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Not you.
Mmm.
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00:09:11,309 --> 00:09:14,544
O Lord, please bless
our blended family.
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00:09:14,612 --> 00:09:17,414
And thank you
for "cigarette mommy."
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00:09:17,482 --> 00:09:19,216
Oh, honey, please don't
call me that.
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00:09:19,283 --> 00:09:21,218
Okay, "do-over mommy."
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00:09:21,285 --> 00:09:23,503
Boys, you will please
call your new mother
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00:09:23,571 --> 00:09:25,322
whatever she feels
comfortable with.
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00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:26,390
How about "Edna?"
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00:09:26,457 --> 00:09:28,058
It's disrespectful
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to call a grown-up
by their first name.
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00:09:29,961 --> 00:09:31,294
Yo, Homer,
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00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:33,630
Mom says get your fat ass
over to the Flanders'.
203
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,699
Bart! Don't call me that!
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00:09:35,767 --> 00:09:37,868
Which one?
"Homer" or "fat ass"?
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00:09:37,935 --> 00:09:39,202
Why, you little...
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00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:42,706
They're both bad, and
I suspect you know it!
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00:09:42,774 --> 00:09:45,909
Get your hands off of me,
you fat ass!
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00:09:47,979 --> 00:09:49,246
Ned, Edna.
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00:09:49,313 --> 00:09:51,248
We just want to apologize...
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00:09:51,315 --> 00:09:52,832
...for the commotion
in your room.
211
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,552
People here do not
respect boundaries.
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00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,888
Homer, did you just buckle
your belt through my loop?
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00:09:58,673 --> 00:10:00,140
Sorry.
214
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:02,642
Well, we're here to offer
to throw you a little party
215
00:10:02,710 --> 00:10:03,777
in your honor.
216
00:10:03,845 --> 00:10:05,178
A little party
might be fun.
217
00:10:05,246 --> 00:10:07,848
The only guests at our wedding
were Ned's parents.
218
00:10:07,915 --> 00:10:09,883
Look at those squares,
219
00:10:09,951 --> 00:10:11,618
makin' it nice and legal.
220
00:10:11,686 --> 00:10:13,687
We didn't need a piece of paper!
221
00:10:13,755 --> 00:10:15,555
We had a paper, Nedward.
222
00:10:15,623 --> 00:10:17,758
We just rolled it
and smoked it.
223
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,059
Oh, yeah.
224
00:10:19,127 --> 00:10:21,728
We got high-diddily-high
on that reeferino.
225
00:10:21,796 --> 00:10:24,131
Less news from the pews.
226
00:10:24,198 --> 00:10:25,298
Okay, Simpsons.
227
00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:26,800
Well, call me
a cock-eyed optimist
228
00:10:26,868 --> 00:10:29,536
'cause I think some sort
of celebration party
229
00:10:29,604 --> 00:10:30,704
might possibly be fun!
230
00:10:30,772 --> 00:10:31,872
Great!
231
00:10:31,939 --> 00:10:33,240
We'll take care
of everything.
232
00:10:33,307 --> 00:10:35,375
We'll just need to
borrow your punch bowl,
233
00:10:35,443 --> 00:10:37,711
17 chairs,
your portable dance floor,
234
00:10:37,779 --> 00:10:39,646
your banner printer,
banner ink,
235
00:10:39,714 --> 00:10:42,182
and a ream of blank banners.
236
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:45,852
Okay, there's no school;
237
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,053
your dad's at work;
238
00:10:47,121 --> 00:10:48,722
and it's really coming down.
239
00:10:48,790 --> 00:10:49,990
Anyone for Scrabble?
240
00:10:50,057 --> 00:10:52,459
Only God can make words.
241
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,394
Right, right. Yahtzee?
242
00:10:54,462 --> 00:10:56,163
Dice are Satan's bones.
243
00:10:56,230 --> 00:10:57,798
What the hey, Mrs. K?
244
00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,533
Thank God, a real kid.
245
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,401
You want my advice
on dealing with the Hardly Boys?
246
00:11:01,469 --> 00:11:02,769
Why do you care?
247
00:11:02,837 --> 00:11:05,539
I don't. I'm just bored
watching worms drown.
248
00:11:05,606 --> 00:11:07,007
Okay, what do you got?
249
00:11:07,074 --> 00:11:10,477
Well, what you got to do
is get them into the real world.
250
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:11,778
Skipping is cool!
251
00:11:11,846 --> 00:11:12,946
Especially when
252
00:11:13,014 --> 00:11:14,781
you're holding hands
with your brother.
253
00:11:14,849 --> 00:11:16,983
If you don't act now,
when they grow up,
254
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,385
people like me
are gonna take
255
00:11:18,452 --> 00:11:20,203
all their money
and girlfriends.
256
00:11:20,271 --> 00:11:22,339
Oh, come on. They're
not that hopeless.
257
00:11:22,406 --> 00:11:24,341
I'm doing it!
I'm doing it!
258
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,781
This is my third-favorite
wedding supply store.
259
00:11:31,849 --> 00:11:33,550
Whoo! Look at these.
260
00:11:33,618 --> 00:11:34,918
"Extreme weddings.
261
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,119
"Triathlon...
262
00:11:36,187 --> 00:11:37,420
"Zero-G...
263
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:40,040
Tie the knot
at the top of Mount Everest"?
264
00:11:45,062 --> 00:11:46,429
It's extreme enough
for me
265
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:49,533
when they smear the wedding cake
on each other's faces.
266
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,551
So, Marge,
the rumors are true.
267
00:11:51,619 --> 00:11:53,220
Why did you get
to throw a party
268
00:11:53,287 --> 00:11:55,455
for Ned and Edna
and not me?
269
00:11:55,523 --> 00:11:58,592
Well, you're all invited so you
can make your snippy comments
270
00:11:58,643 --> 00:12:00,760
while you eat
my hors d'oeuvres.
271
00:12:00,811 --> 00:12:03,396
Snippy? How can you say that
in those shoes?
272
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,850
They have Itchy and Scratchy
weddings?
273
00:12:18,329 --> 00:12:19,913
Ready to go home, Ned?
274
00:12:19,981 --> 00:12:21,715
I'm sorry, honey, but I'm
stuck in this meeting
275
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,383
of the Springfield LGBT.
276
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,835
The left-gifted
bidextrous
277
00:12:25,903 --> 00:12:27,003
and transhanded
community.
278
00:12:27,071 --> 00:12:28,838
We're trying to decide
on the theme
279
00:12:28,906 --> 00:12:30,340
for our Left is Right
parade.
280
00:12:30,424 --> 00:12:32,325
"Ourcissors, Ourselves."
281
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:33,493
How about, "Death
to Righties"?
282
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,395
We have to live
among them.
283
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,147
To live among
them is to die.
284
00:12:38,516 --> 00:12:40,333
Oh, this could go late.
285
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,185
We haven't even ordered
pizzas and pop yet.
286
00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:44,003
Could you handle
Rod and Todd's
287
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,522
parent-teacher
conference for me?
288
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:47,374
Sure, I'd love
to be the parent for once.
289
00:12:47,441 --> 00:12:49,109
Now I can bring a latte
290
00:12:49,176 --> 00:12:50,677
and leave the cup
on the desk. Ha!
291
00:12:52,013 --> 00:12:56,049
Sorry. I'm still
a pre-op transhander.
292
00:12:56,117 --> 00:12:57,951
Well, I must say at this school
293
00:12:58,019 --> 00:13:00,353
we've never seen
a step-parent before.
294
00:13:00,421 --> 00:13:02,689
Look, I'm a chalk jockey, too,
295
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,174
so don't slap ketchup
on bread
296
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,042
and tell me
it's Pizza Friday.
297
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:08,295
You teach with that mouth?
298
00:13:08,362 --> 00:13:11,631
Yes. I teach at
Springfield Elementary,
299
00:13:11,699 --> 00:13:12,866
and we believe that...
300
00:13:12,934 --> 00:13:14,301
Public school?
301
00:13:14,368 --> 00:13:16,653
Well, I'll be a monkey's
unrelated creature.
302
00:13:16,721 --> 00:13:19,789
Well, we'll fit you
into our school prayers.
303
00:13:19,857 --> 00:13:21,825
You do have science
here, right?
304
00:13:21,892 --> 00:13:24,411
We sure do.
305
00:13:24,478 --> 00:13:26,830
Behold advanced astronomy.
306
00:13:28,566 --> 00:13:30,867
You pulled the boys
out of school?
307
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,036
Ned, I know I should have
consulted you,
308
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,904
but that school is
beneath them.
309
00:13:34,972 --> 00:13:37,073
Take my word as a teacher
of 15 years.
310
00:13:37,141 --> 00:13:38,775
Well, sir, when we got married,
311
00:13:38,843 --> 00:13:40,744
I knew I'd find some spices
in my chili.
312
00:13:40,811 --> 00:13:43,813
I guess they can go
to Springfield Hellementary.
313
00:13:43,881 --> 00:13:45,448
Oh!
Mm-hmm.
314
00:13:57,361 --> 00:13:59,162
Why are we here, Neddy?
315
00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:01,364
Well, first of all,
I think talking dogs
316
00:14:01,432 --> 00:14:02,799
are the spawn of the devil.
Yeah, but...
317
00:14:02,867 --> 00:14:04,384
Secondly, we're watching
318
00:14:04,452 --> 00:14:07,454
my little Toddy
graduate from college.
319
00:14:07,521 --> 00:14:09,823
Oh, now aren't you glad
you let Edna take charge
320
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,224
of the boys' education?
321
00:14:11,292 --> 00:14:13,360
Yep, it's lucky
she's not in my taxes
322
00:14:13,427 --> 00:14:15,061
'cause I underestimated her.
323
00:14:15,129 --> 00:14:16,162
Wait a minute.
324
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,580
Liberal professors,
325
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,015
feminist workshops,
326
00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:20,517
abstract sculptures.
327
00:14:20,584 --> 00:14:22,018
This isn't a Midwestern
Bible college.
328
00:14:22,086 --> 00:14:24,954
This is an elite
East Coast university.
329
00:14:27,008 --> 00:14:28,241
It's okay, Daddy.
330
00:14:28,309 --> 00:14:30,377
I majored in
religious studies.
331
00:14:30,444 --> 00:14:31,311
Whew!
332
00:14:31,379 --> 00:14:34,214
Comparative religious studies.
333
00:14:40,859 --> 00:14:42,392
Give me your keys!
334
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:44,962
Maybe I'll just
park it myself.
335
00:14:45,029 --> 00:14:48,198
Why are you parking yourself?
Why are you parking yourself?
336
00:14:48,266 --> 00:14:51,151
We haven't taken in
one car all day.
337
00:14:54,939 --> 00:14:57,107
You really put on
a great reception, Marge.
338
00:14:57,175 --> 00:14:58,809
It's like the happy
flashback
339
00:14:58,877 --> 00:15:00,444
in a gritty
cop thriller.
340
00:15:00,512 --> 00:15:04,848
Thank you.
Everyone's having a great time.
341
00:15:04,916 --> 00:15:05,983
Uh-oh.
342
00:15:07,018 --> 00:15:09,002
Helen, have a canapé.
343
00:15:09,070 --> 00:15:10,938
There's enough
for everyone.
344
00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:13,207
But not too much.
345
00:15:16,244 --> 00:15:17,611
Yar...
346
00:15:17,679 --> 00:15:19,229
No weird hookups!
347
00:15:19,297 --> 00:15:20,931
Call me!
348
00:15:20,999 --> 00:15:22,432
I'm married to the sea,
349
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,835
and I'm seeing two of
the Great Lakes on the side.
350
00:15:24,903 --> 00:15:26,086
I won't say which ones,
351
00:15:26,154 --> 00:15:29,740
but it's eerie
how superior they are.
352
00:15:31,476 --> 00:15:35,212
So how do the boys like
Springfield Elementary?
353
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,047
Marge, it's wonderful.
354
00:15:37,115 --> 00:15:40,000
They're opening up,
they've seen a wider world.
355
00:15:40,068 --> 00:15:42,135
I wrote with a Flair pen.
356
00:15:42,203 --> 00:15:44,204
Well, that's just great, boys.
357
00:15:44,272 --> 00:15:47,107
Now come over here so
Mrs. Simpson can take a photo.
358
00:15:47,175 --> 00:15:49,543
Make sure our temporary tats
are in the picture.
359
00:15:49,611 --> 00:15:51,895
Mine's a sassy princess
who speaks her mind.
360
00:15:51,963 --> 00:15:52,996
Oh!
361
00:15:53,064 --> 00:15:54,781
Mine's a duck
with no pants.
362
00:15:54,849 --> 00:15:56,466
What if we were
raptured right now?
363
00:15:56,534 --> 00:15:58,902
Ned, I said
it was okay.
364
00:15:58,987 --> 00:16:00,737
Yeah, chillax, Daddy.
365
00:16:00,805 --> 00:16:02,873
Chillax? Young man
in the Flanders' house
366
00:16:02,941 --> 00:16:04,408
we speak the King's diddily.
367
00:16:04,475 --> 00:16:05,642
Time for cake!
368
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:07,444
Let's finish
this sucker up.
369
00:16:07,512 --> 00:16:10,147
You get my boys tattoos,
you change their school,
370
00:16:10,215 --> 00:16:13,784
you buy Rod sneakers that light
up like Times Square.
371
00:16:13,852 --> 00:16:15,552
Shoes are shoes
and lights are lights.
372
00:16:15,620 --> 00:16:17,487
Now just when
do I get a say
373
00:16:17,555 --> 00:16:18,722
in how my boys
are raised?!
374
00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:20,607
This marriage isn't perfect!
375
00:16:22,327 --> 00:16:24,261
No video! Party over!
376
00:16:24,345 --> 00:16:26,446
Cake!
377
00:16:26,514 --> 00:16:27,948
Too late, Marge.
378
00:16:28,016 --> 00:16:30,100
Mm!
379
00:16:30,168 --> 00:16:32,836
Ned, these boys trust me
to be their mother.
380
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:35,239
You'd better decide
whether you do.
381
00:16:39,127 --> 00:16:41,228
And that's that.
Another story in the classic,
382
00:16:41,296 --> 00:16:43,263
infallible three-act
structure.
383
00:16:43,331 --> 00:16:44,531
Good enough
for Aristotle,
384
00:16:44,599 --> 00:16:45,899
good enough
for the Simpsons.
385
00:16:45,967 --> 00:16:48,001
Mr. Syzslak, I have
a feeling
386
00:16:48,069 --> 00:16:50,203
there's gonna be one more act
to this story.
387
00:16:50,271 --> 00:16:51,905
Well, I'm not hanging
around for that.
388
00:16:51,973 --> 00:16:52,940
Four acts...
389
00:16:55,539 --> 00:16:57,282
Ned, how did you sleep?
390
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:58,717
Fine, I guess.
391
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,252
Thanks for loaning me
your pajamas, Homer.
392
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,805
And Marge, thank you for those
helpful chip bag clips.
393
00:17:06,976 --> 00:17:08,527
I just felt
so ashamed,
394
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,895
I couldn't go home.
395
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:12,064
Yesterday
I gave in to the one thing
396
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:16,668
I vowed I would never have
in my marriage: strong feeling.
397
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,171
Here's your lunches...
with some cake.
398
00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:22,841
You'll be having cake
for a long, long time.
399
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,676
Bart, aren't you
gonna tell Mom and Dad
400
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,178
about the problem
you have?
401
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:27,279
Shut up!
402
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,047
I'm just saying
it won't get better
403
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:30,782
unless you talk
to an adult.
404
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,517
Maggie knows how
to keep a secret.
405
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:33,719
Why can't you?
406
00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:38,307
Bart, is there something
you want to tell us?
407
00:17:38,374 --> 00:17:39,775
Oh, Marge,
let the kid have
408
00:17:39,842 --> 00:17:42,728
his embarrassing secrets
and lies.
409
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,730
That is totally
irresponsible parenting.
410
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:46,715
Not according
to the Internet.
411
00:17:46,783 --> 00:17:48,300
Where on the Internet?
412
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,703
I'm sure some idiot somewhere
agrees with me.
413
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,455
Why would you believe him?
414
00:17:53,523 --> 00:17:55,724
Because his avatar
is Darth Maul,
415
00:17:55,792 --> 00:17:58,327
the second-coolest Darth.
416
00:17:58,394 --> 00:18:01,563
And what he says is true
because it's in all caps.
417
00:18:01,631 --> 00:18:03,432
Are you gonna argue with caps?
418
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,850
Why does that make it right?
419
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,819
He took the time to press
the shift key, Marge.
420
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,905
I think he knows
what he's talking about.
421
00:18:09,972 --> 00:18:11,173
So after all this time
together
422
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:12,507
you two still
haven't agreed
423
00:18:12,575 --> 00:18:14,042
on how to raise
your kids?
424
00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:16,611
Ned, I realized long ago
there are some things
425
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:19,848
Homer and I will never
completely agree on.
426
00:18:19,916 --> 00:18:21,850
Yeah,
but we make sure
427
00:18:21,918 --> 00:18:23,652
never to go to bed hungry.
428
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:24,686
It's "angry."
429
00:18:24,754 --> 00:18:26,588
Don't tell me
what our thing is!
430
00:18:26,656 --> 00:18:28,690
It's about not
agreeing on something.
431
00:18:28,758 --> 00:18:30,325
I've always said
hungry!
432
00:18:30,393 --> 00:18:32,794
Bart, just tell us
the problem.
433
00:18:35,098 --> 00:18:37,833
I'm keeping a dolphin
in my bathtub!
434
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:40,202
I thought I heard
clicks and pops!
435
00:18:41,738 --> 00:18:43,372
Children, your test scores
are down
436
00:18:43,439 --> 00:18:45,006
because we've been having
so many assemblies,
437
00:18:45,074 --> 00:18:46,875
you haven't had time to study.
438
00:18:46,943 --> 00:18:48,576
This assembly will remedy that.
439
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,728
We've invited
a few friends over
440
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,963
to give you some musical cues.
441
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:56,051
I'm Sally Scantron Sheet.
442
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,585
And I'm Peter Pencil.
443
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,304
Now, you didn't hear it
from us,
444
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:02,074
but the answers
to the test are...
445
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:06,211
♪ A, B, D, D, C, A, B... ♪
446
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,346
Are you just giving
them the answers?
447
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:10,048
They still have
to sign their names properly,
448
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:11,817
so we're not totally
out of woods.
449
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,952
Pause the assembly!
450
00:19:14,036 --> 00:19:16,004
I have to talk to my wife.
451
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:16,838
Ned?
452
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:17,806
My rival.
453
00:19:17,874 --> 00:19:19,107
Some rivalry.
454
00:19:19,175 --> 00:19:22,227
It's like Secretariat
versus a can of dog food.
455
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,378
Edna, I'm sorry
456
00:19:23,446 --> 00:19:24,896
and I'll say it
in front of God
457
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,131
or groundskeeper Willie.
458
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:27,532
Oh, Ned,
I'm sorry, too.
459
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,084
I overstepped
your boundaries.
460
00:19:29,152 --> 00:19:32,938
I guess I never really truly
cared about children before.
461
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,340
Oh, get over it.
462
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:36,808
And Ned, I'll be exactly
463
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:39,044
as much mom as you
want me to be.
464
00:19:39,112 --> 00:19:41,113
Hey, the Simpsons
make it up as they go along,
465
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,131
and they're as happy
as a ribbon in a Bible.
466
00:19:43,199 --> 00:19:44,382
What do you say, sweetie?
467
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:45,517
Ha!
468
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:46,952
Mmm...
Mmm...
469
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:51,656
Now in our 50th location
in Springfield.
470
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,825
Sleazy Sam would like
to welcome our special
471
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:57,846
grand-opening star,
Jesus.
472
00:19:57,914 --> 00:20:00,415
Welcome, money changers.
473
00:20:00,483 --> 00:20:01,883
You can trust
Sleazy Sam
474
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:06,621
for the best rates,
or my name isn't Jesus H....
475
00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:07,823
Ow!
476
00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:09,391
Are you gonna do that
477
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,376
every time I open
one of these?
478
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:15,444
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
479
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:19,084
♪ Hens love roosters,
geese love ganders ♪
480
00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:20,953
♪ Everyone else loves
Ned Flanders ♪
481
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:24,990
♪ My mustache is bristly,
my letters are epistly ♪
482
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,558
♪ And I don't want
to mislead you ♪
483
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,694
♪ I like to hug and kissly ♪
Ha!
484
00:20:28,762 --> 00:20:30,562
♪ First base, yo,
I like Christian rap ♪
485
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,131
♪ A Bible on my lap ♪
486
00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:33,799
♪ Will you stop
this stupid crap? ♪
487
00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:35,534
♪ I want to take a nap. ♪
488
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:36,769
Okely-dokely.
489
00:20:57,126 --> 00:20:58,994
Shh!