Okay, I'm here on the west side.
I'm in the back. Hurry up.
Copy.
No, Travis.
No gun.
Stun guns?
For real?
Is he in there?
Yeah, he's in there.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Travis.
On three.
Okay, one,
two...
There!
Oh! Whoa!
Ahh!
Gotcha.
Yeah!
Don't want none of this! Don't mess with the police department.
Did you get him? Did you get him?
He's so cute.
No, no, no, he's not cute.
Actually, he is kinda cute.
So what if he's cute?
He burrowed a hole through my roof.
And chewed through the wiring.
Oh, what are you going to do with him?
Well, I'm thinking we'll just, uh, take him out
to the Malibu Hills and let him go.
We? Yeah.
Oh, that's really sweet of you guys.
Right.
No, it's not a problem.
So I'm gonna grab my toolbox,
I'll come back and fix your light for you, okay?
Oh, I'll just call an electrician.
No, no, no, I'm the one that installed it.
Might as well be the one to fix it.
Okay.
Thank you for helping, Travis.
Not a problem.
Alex, let me know
anytime you want to get rid of any, uh, pest.
Funny. Can we go?
Yeah.
These are supposed to remain anonymous,
so no guessing who wrote what.
"I am afraid I am invisible."
She said "no guessing."
That's right, that's the whole point
these fears are universal.
Any one of us could have written that.
I think being invisible would be awesome.
"I am afraid of a world
without my beautiful wife."
"I am afraid this session will never end."
Don't look at me. Anybody could have written that.
Is there someplace you have to be, Wes?
Yes, actually, there is.
I promised my...
I promised Alex that I'd fix her portico light.
Why doesn't she just hire someone?
Because it's tough to find someone reliable.
So she asked you?
No. She didn't have to ask me, okay?
I noticed it was broken, so I'm fixing it.
Commendable, Wes, but it does raise the question:
why are you still trying to insert yourself
in your ex-wife's life?
Well, he's certainly not gonna let anyone else
insert himself into Alex's life.
I care about the house because I own half of it, okay?
You do? Why?
Okay, who here thinks that Wes has not moved on?
Seriously, Tara?
You said if it came to my backhand
you'd take it.
Hey, that's game and set, guys.
One, love.
Yeah. Yeah, good game.
Um, why don't we take five before switching sides.
Hey, why don't you go get that ball, okay?
Yeah.
This guy's a nightmare.
Why don't we make a deal right now?
You don't have to play any more tennis,
I don't have to sleep through any more community theater.
Oh, my God.
What is it?
No, Tara, don't...
You're the one who treats dating like a competitive sport.
We should be talking about you in group, not me.
My relationships involve two mutually-participating parties.
Yours don't. That's why we talk about you.
You have a problem moving on.
And all you do is move on.
Hi.
Officer Pratt,
Detective Travis Marks.
You're new.
Just got out of the Academy.
Welcome to the LAPD.
All right, there were no witnesses.
Victim is in her early 30s,
and no one's seen her play here before, yeah?
The people at the rec center said
they'd never seen her before.
How did you know all that?
She's wearing brand-new sneakers,
not a scuff mark on them.
And if there were any witnesses,
they'd be here giving a statement to the police.
Anyone find her tennis racket?
No. No cell phone, no purse, no I.D. either.
Maybe it was a robbery gone wrong.
Definitely not. She's still wearing her jewelry.
Look at that.
Price tag.
Are you kidding me? What a shame.
Of course I remember her, Darby Jensen.
Yeah, she kept coming in here
buying up stuff and then returning it.
First it was yoga, then rock climbing, cycling.
You know, all she cared about
was how good she looked in the outfit.
That's 'cause she wasn't trying to find a sport.
She was trying to find a man.
Oh, she hit on me a few times, too.
Did she ever come in here with anyone?
No, she was always alone.
You know, personally,
I don't think we should have a return policy.
It just turns people into quitters.
You gotta pick a sport and stick with it.
Look at me.
I've been lifting for 20 years.
Go ahead. Touch it.
You'll break your finger. That's rock hard.
Go ahead, Wes. Touch it.
I'll take his word for it. I don't need to touch it.
You know, you never take anyone's word for it.
Why take his? I'll take it.
I will break my finger. I believe you.
Sure? Yeah, I'm positive.
Do you have Darby Jensen's address?
Thank you so much.
She said she was going on a tennis date.
Did she say with whom?
No, but she was very careful.
She worked in computer security,
ran background checks for employment agencies.
Did it for me for prospective tenants.
Poor Darby. I'll miss her.
She was quiet.
Paid her rent on time.
Okay. Thank you very much.
The city of Los Angeles appreciates your cooperation.
You have a good one. Watch yourself.
All right, got, uh, daily affirmations.
"Your soul mate is out there."
"Dream. Believe. Achieve."
You think Captain Sutton killed her?
Look what I found.
Credit card statement.
Darby Jensen joined DateSalon.com.
That explains all the dates.
She was online dating, huh?
Hmm.
So where's her computer?
Yeah.
It's gonna be real hard without that computer
to find out who she was dating.
It'll be even tougher
considering Ellen in Forensics isn't speaking to you.
Ellen... is sensitive.
Ellen is not sensitive.
She's angry at you because you dumped her.
You think maybe there's a lesson to be learned there?
Yes, Wes, and maybe one you should know.
Exes can't be friends.
Really?
Alex and I are friends.
You and Ellen are not exes.
We were together,
she sewed my name in her panties, and now we're not.
That doesn't make...
Was that you, little baby?
Hi!
Hello.
"Milo."
You're a pretty girl.
Maybe you should take her to coffee?
Oh, call Animal Control for this cat.
What? No. No, no, no, no. They'll just put her down.
You want another victim on your hands?
This kitten was a dead woman's best friend.
It was her only friend.
We'll notify next of kin.
Darby had no next of kin.
She was all alone, poor kid.
Here.
Oh, sorry. Can't. I'm allergic.
I don't know.
According to the credit card company,
Darby's screen name is...
"IM4U."
Wasn't really playing hard to get, was she?
Well, how coy can you be when you're on a dating site?
True. We need a password.
How about "Catlady"?
Didn't work.
Try "Milo."
And you need to hide the cat
because the captain's coming through.
Hey, Captain,
you looking extra fit today.
Well, that was weird.
Weirder than normal?
Yeah.
But helpful maybe.
What was Darby's daily affirmation?
Your soul mate is out there, dream...
Soul mate.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's try it.
Bingo. We're in.
All right.
Hmm. She's a busy girl.
Three dates this week.
Three different guys.
Cycleguy,
Rockurworld, and Raceya.
All right.
We need to set up a dummy account
with a woman with the same traits as Darby,
e-mail these guys, see if anyone bites.
We need a photo.
Who's our prettiest cop?
Prettiest cop that's still speaking to you?
Kate!
There you are.
Hey, where's Amy?
Break room.
Ooh.
Hello.
Hey, you want to babysit?
I got to... got to go follow a lead.
Aw. Sure. She's cute.
Me-me-me-me.
Hey, Kate, don't get too attached now.
She's, she's got to go to Animal Control.
What? Aw.
Ten bucks says she adopts. You're on.
No. You know what, Travis, you're not getting her back.
She's coming home with me.
Nicely played.
woman and strays.
Hey, Amy!
What do you want?
Just, uh,
something for the "hot cop" calendar. Charming.
Make sure to send me a copy for the harassment hearing.
Speaking of, there's a new girl
in Forensics, she's looking for you.
New girl?
Hands where I can see them.
Don't touch anything.
Where's Ellen?
She left.
Apparently she was allergic to douche bags.
You can put your hands down.
I was kidding. Oh.
I'm Kendall, your new digi-forensics geek.
Fresh from Quantico.
I wouldn't say "geek." I'm Travis.
I know who you are.
You're one of the therapy guys, right?
Hilarious.
Anyways, um, I have Scooter here
working on your missing computer case.
Scooter. All right, maybe a little geeky.
So it's gonna take some time,
and maybe a subpoena or two,
but I think that I can get into her cloud.
Her cloud?
Yeah, it's a web-based
file hosting service.
If your victim was indeed a computer nerd,
then she would've backed up all of her files
on the Internet in cloud storage.
You play Apocalypse Moon?
I mean, when I have a chance.
What's your screen name?
DeathWish.
But, I mean, don't go looking for me.
Guys get kind of weird
when I outplay them.
I doubt you'd outplay me...
LoneRider.
Never heard of you.
But, I mean, there's a million players online.
So... Yeah. Yeah.
Wes.
There's a new girl in Forensics.
Yeah, Kendall. I know, I met her.
When were you gonna tell me about her?
Can you not ruin another professional relationship.
I'm professional.
Any messages yet?
On our fake dating account?
The only attention Amy's profile has gotten
is from a guy
who enjoys water sports, and Ham radio.
Nothing from our three suspects yet.
You know, you should join online dating.
Meeting some one online is ridiculous.
Tell that to Cory J.
She is ridiculous.
And by "ridiculous," I mean stupid hot.
You want to know something about Cory J, Travis?
She's not real. She's a specifically selected photo
and a highly crafted description.
With a great list of hobbies.
She's a big lie.
Forget about Ms. Right
and experiment with Ms. Right now.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh.
I like Mandy.
Oh, she looks willing.
Oh, Tracy.
Oh, racy Tracy.
You little bad girl. Stop it.
Stop it.
Then we got A... Oh, uh...
Whoa.
What?
Nothing.
What happened to the blow-by-blow?
That joke's only so funny.
What are you hiding?
You were being you
and offensive,
and then you stopped and you clicked that three times.
What... go back three clicks.
I think you should go back to your own computer.
Okay.
Oh, my God. Amy looks cold in that blouse.
That's Alex.
Hey, our fake account worked.
Look.
We got a date, man. Cycleguy read
our profile and he wants to meet up.
Tomorrow. Spin class.
Yeah, that's good.
Come on. Come on.
How's it going?
It's going fine.
Everything's good.
I mean, I brought the wrong part.
But I'll come back tomorrow and I can fix it.
You know, I can call someone.
You really don't have to...
Oh, so you don't need me
to fix your wiring anymore?
Fine.
Wes, you know that's not what I said.
Maybe you can have someone from
DateSalon.com fix your wiring.
An electrician maybe.
I read your profile.
You what? I didn't mean to do it.
I'm working on a case, we were scanning the site,
and I ran across it.
We're divorced, Wes.
I'm allowed to date.
Of course you are. I know that.
I just don't want you to get hurt, okay?
Online dating can be really dangerous.
And believe me...
there are a lot of people out there who are not
what they say they are. Well, I'm careful.
Okay? I always...
meet my dates in a neutral place.
Okay. Okay?
Great.
That's good.
So, always... how many dates is that... mean?
Happiness.
Curiosity.
You did know she was dating though, right, Wes?
Anxiety.
Of course he knew.
They've been divorced for a year.
Surprise.
I don't think he knew.
Travis, did he know?
Suspicion.
he knew.
He just didn't want to know.
Isn't that called denial?
Oh.
Is it?
Look,
I don't mind that Alex has a dating profile.
I mind that it's full of lies.
Okay?
Are they lies, or are they truths
you're not willing to see?
Look, that's really enlightened sounding and everything,
but she said she hated jazz in her online profile...
we went to see jazz all the time.
She loved jazz.
Oh, honey.
That's what makes a good marriage.
No way she lied to me.
There's just no way.
Well, we all do things we don't necessarily like
for the people we love.
It's not lying, it's just being polite.
Technically, it's called
the presentational self. I mean, we all do it
at some point to some degree.
We hide who we really are
in order to be loved and accepted.
Alex and I,
we were honest with each other.
So I wouldn't
let what you read on Alex's profile
color your perception of your time together.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think what you guys are doing
could be called entrapment.
You're not supposed to put up a fake profile.
Ah, like you did?
Your profile pic was taken like ten years ago.
Look, I already told you
Darby never showed up for our date, okay? Seriously.
I never met her. You can prove that?
Yeah, sure.
After waiting for her for 45 minutes in the bar,
took the waitress home instead.
She'll vouch for me.
We're gonna need a name and number, all right?
Name was, um...
let me see.
Sherry... uh...
Sharon... Ooh, Sheila.
How could I forget her?
You have this active of a social life,
you're still going online for dates?
Buddy, DateSalon.com is a stocked pond.
Most of the women are rebounders.
Crappy marriages,
bad boyfriends, whatever the reason,
they haven't had any strange in a long time.
They're real desperate to get between the sheets.
Simple yes or no would've sufficed.
There she is.
Sheryl.
You know, you should join up.
It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
I'll think about that.
Yo.
Hello.
Medical examiner's report came in.
Please don't sit on my...
coat.
Time of death is approximately 10:00 p.m.
Tuesday night.
Yeah, that's great. Listen,
me and Kendall totally hooked up last night.
How professional of you.
No, not like that. It was online.
We played Apocalypse Moon.
She shot me in the face. It was insane.
I can't believe you waste a single second
of your life playing a video game.
No, Apocalypse Mois a form of social interaction, man.
For kids. Hey, Kendall.
Hi, Wes.
Hey. Travis.
Pretty good shooting last night. Don't get weird on me.
I got full access to DateSalon.com.
Here are the names and addresses
of the last two guys that Darby went on dates with.
Raceya and Rockurworld,
also known as Ted Houseman and Paul James.
Um, I haven't managed to access Darby's cloud yet.
It's encrypted.
She knew what she was doing, but I'll find the encryption code.
It's got to be in there somewhere.
I love a challenge.
So do I.
Thank you, Kendall.
I don't believe it.
She likes you.
Everybody likes me.
People on Ecstasy don't even like you.
That's rude.
Excuse me? Yeah.
We're looking for a, uh, Ted Houseman.
Lessons are $500 an hour,
and that's with the police discount.
You teach cops how to drive?
The good ones. Ted's been pretty booked up
since he was named Metal Pedal Magazine Driver of the Year,
but I'm sure I can fit you in.
We don't actually need a lesson.
We're investigating a homicide.
Hey, boss, I got two cops here who want to see you.
Impressive.
You stood your ground.
And one more foot, and we would have shot you.
What can I do for you?
Yeah, I met her about a week ago.
We didn't hit it off.
She looked good on paper, but in person,
not my type.
Where you were Tuesday night around 10:00 p.m.?
10:00 p.m.? I was in the last lap of the AutoCross Pro-Am.
Couple hundred witnesses.
Are you guys sure you don't want a lesson?
I am Driver of the Year.
No. We know how to drive.
Thank you.
Yeah, cops always think they do, but they really don't.
Now on to bachelor number three.
What does this Rockurworld do for a living?
His profile says that Paul James is a chemist.
Which probably means he's a bartender.
No one pretends to be a chemist to get women.
Did you see Raceya guy was, like, five, nine at best?
His profile said he was six, three.
Will you get over it, man?
Liar. People exaggerate.
Just doesn't make sense.
People will eventually figure that out.
Why do you lie?
To get laid.
Makes sense.
Yeah.
You hear that?
LAPD. Open up!
Hey. Hey.
What the hell. This isn't the guy.
Why were you running? You were chasing me.
Because you were running!
Only because you were chasing me.
I-I can't breathe!
It's not the guy.
Dude, you ran first.
Then we chased you. Don't think so.
What? Look, that's not even the point.
Innocent people do not run from the cops.
Yeah, they do, when they see two guys with guns
ready to strong-arm a door.
You guys are scary.
I mean, not up close.
Up close you look... real nice.
Friendly even.
Travis, you can't.
No. We don't have probable cause.
It's not the guy.
Get out of here.
Thanks. Yeah.
Have a nice day.
I'm coming!
Morning, ma'am. Is Paul James here?
- He's not home. - Yes.
Who are you? Paul's mother.
Of course. Of course, he lives with his mother.
The psychological profile just writes itself.
Oh, yeah. Laugh.
I can't wait for the freeloader to get out of the damn nest.
I even signed him up on a dating site
just to get him out of the house.
You set up his date profile?
Yeah. He had his first date the other night, too.
Said he liked the girl.
Maybe they'll get married, and he'll move out.
Ma'am, is that your son?
Yeah.
That's Paulie.
You used a fake profile pic.
We had him.
Paul always keeps it locked.
There. Wait here.
I haven't been in his room in two years.
That's a lot of pot.
At least Paul's mom wasn't lying about him being a chemist.
Of sorts. Explains why he was running.
Yeah.
Are you kidding me?
So, this is what he's up to.
That boy's gonna start paying me rent.
Home Guide to Assisted Suicide.
No offense, lady, but your son's creepy.
Paul's into medical innovation.
Was Paul into tennis?
Hmm, sports aren't his thing.
Yup, still got the Action Hut price tag on it.
Looks like Darby's racket.
You recognize this?
Yeah, it's the same as the, uh, patch Paul has on his knapsack.
Backpack. Same thing.
Not really. What's your point?
I think I know where Paul is. Yeah?
So, let me handle this.
You know how you get about marijuana.
Oh, please. Medical marijuana is legal.
I don't have an opinion on it.
You have an opinion on everything.
People get paranoid.
They're gonna be able to tell we're cops.
Just watch.
Can I help you?
Hey, man.
Cops.
These guys spoke
at my high school.
Stop hassling us, pig.
Our pot is legal.
Come on, quit treading
on my Constitution, man.
No one's treading on your Constitution, all right.
We don't care about your drugs, man.
We are looking for Paul James, that's it.
Paul James. Anyone see him? Anyone know Paul?
I'm Paul.
I'm Paul James.
I'm Paul right here.
- Yeah, I'm Paul James. - You get it, man?
We're all Paul.
You're Paul? I'm Paul James.
All right. Yeah.
Travis.
Well, you know, then you're under arrest.
Oh. All right?
In fact, if you're all Paul,
then you're all under arrest for murder.
Murder? Yeah, murder. You're going to prison for life.
Sorry. This smell
makes me unstable.
Understand, he's getting unstable?
Okay, so, listen, where's Paul?
Yeah, I went out with Darby,
but I didn't kill her. I liked her.
- A lot. - After one date,
she gave you her tennis racket?
Yeah, she-she didn't even play tennis.
That's what's so great about her.
Our online profiles were filled with lies,
but our real personalities made us a match.
Until she found out you were a pot dealer.
No, she already knew about that.
She did a background check before our date.
She checked everybody she dated.
You know, a couple of those guys sounded sketchy.
Have you talked to them?
Mm, Paul.
What?
Where were you Tuesday night?
After your date with Darby?
I was at home.
With your mother?
No. She was on a booze cruise.
She's got a substance abuse problem.
Well, now she has a son problem.
He's under arrest. For what?
For murder.
Murder.
Not the pot?
Hey, Cap, how's it going?
Honestly, boys, I don't really know.
Ooh, you need some help with something?
Nah, not with this mystery.
You working on a case?
Wes, a man's inner journey is his alone.
But I appreciate the support.
Should we be worried
or ignore the problem and hope it goes away?
I'm a fan of the second approach.
Oh. Hey!
You signed on.
Don't be ridiculous. I'm just...
...following up on a lead here.
Who's being ridiculous?
Me or the guy who's still working a case we just solved?
Well, it was a little too easy. Something's off.
Yeah, it only seemed easy
because we're really awesome cops.
It was actually quite difficult.
Mm.
TangoPhil.
Darby Jensen never dated a guy named TangoPhil.
Whoa. You are stalking your ex. I am not.
Wes! I am not!
She's going to get
a restraining order against you.
No. What are you...?
I am not stalking Alex.
I am stalking the man who plans to date Alex,
and those are very different things.
You're stalking her...
You're going to get this guy right now?
You don't have to come.
It's dinnertime. Go eat a burrito.
Don't do this.
If we leave now, no one has to know you invaded Alex's privacy.
I just want to ask him a few questions.
Alex is not even here.
It's just a guy giving a dance lesson.
Does he look single to you?
Scumbag's a dead man.
So... are you single or aren't you?
Wait,
who are you?
We are
DateSalon.com police, all right?
We do random checks
to make sure that our clients
are telling the truth online.
Don't we?
Yeah, most sites overlook liars,
but we pride ourselves on 100% honesty, pal, ha.
Are you guys for real?
I mean, are you...? Is this for real?
Did you just ask me if this is for real?
You agreed to the terms and conditions.
You did read the terms and conditions, right?
Come on, man, nobody reads those things.
Not good. Didn't read the T and C.
Not good, not good. Not good.
He probably clicked the box, too.
Oh, I know he clicked the box.
All right, you got a choice.
You can either tell us the truth now
or you can tell us the truth
after some motivation.
I only took French in high school, I hate museums,
and I'm only online for the sex.
My wife totally froze me out.
Y-Your wife?
Thank you, officers.
I do tango-- that part is true.
I just felt compelled, you know...
...out of the blue, to come clean.
Thanks for understanding, Alex.
Yeah, yeah.
Bye.
Well, she canceled our date.
Good, you don't deserve her.
Please don't make me call my wife.
She'll kill me if she finds out the truth.
Okay.
Wait, wait, wait.
And what if Paul was telling the truth
in the interrogation?
I mean, what if Darby got killed because she found out
the truth about one of these other dates?
We never found Darby's computer in Paul's apartment,
right, and why would he steal it?
Everyone but his mother knew he was growing pot.
No big secret,
but what if one of her other dates did have a secret?
Yeah, but even if the killer's motive is on Darby's computer,
it's impossible to access, encrypted in her cloud.
There's a code somewhere.
Maybe she hid it. Where?
The house was thoroughly searched.
She could have given it to a friend.
Yeah, but Darby didn't have any...
Except one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
Yes, little Milo.
Oh.
Travis, whatever it is, the answer is no.
Is Milo there?
Yes, Milo is still here,
and no, you can't have her back.
I don't want her back,
I just need you to look in her locket.
We think Darby's encryption code might be
hidden in there somewhere.
Hmm.
Yep, you found
your encryption code.
I'll get it to Kendall.
Okay, we got it.
You guys are brilliant.
The encryption code led us to this guy Ted Houseman.
The driving instructor.
His real name is Roger Williams.
The FBI have been looking for him for seven years.
He was allegedly the driver
in a Swiss bank heist,
and the thieves got away with over 100 million Euros.
Must have found out Darby knew.
Motive. Ted also has an alibi.
There were over 200 people at the AutoCross Race, remember?
200 people saw a guy in a helmet get in a car.
Thanks.
Makeup, let's finish up.
Is Ted's double ready?
Okay, let's get the helicopter
fired up for the aerial.
What is that car doing in my shot?
Don't reset it, don't reset it.
Okay, ladies, you look so lovely.
The photo shoot is canceled.
We need to talk to Ted.
No, you can talk to me.
No, we want to talk to-- Ted! Don't do it.
Should we say Roger Williams? Ah.
Go, go, go!
Alley-oop at Pacific.
Go, go! Yeah.
Get out of the car!
Get out of the car and get your hands up!
Hey!
...keep your hands in the air!
We took a look at the AutoCross Race last Tuesday.
You came in second to last.
Driver of the Year usually finishes first
or something, right?
We got to looking at the helmets and everything.
It could have been anyone driving.
Roger Williams, you're under arrest
for the murder of Darby Jensen.
Need some help?
Oh, always.
Huh.
That a new hairstyle?
Mike, Wes and Travis are doing fine.
You don't have to keep checking on them.
Okay.
Hey, look, uh,
now that I am here,
any chance I can run something by you?
Of course.
I think Helen's cheating on me.
That's direct.
What makes you think that?
I was washing her car
and I found a receipt in the ashtray.
Lunch in Temecula.
I see.
We don't know anyone in Temecula.
Mike, we've talked about boundaries.
I know, but the detective side
sometimes overwhelms the husband side.
Well, before we look for the nefarious,
why don't we have a look
at why you might be feeling this way?
Do you still feel that Helen is
too good for you?
Is the sun too hot to walk on with bare feet?
I'm gonna take that as a very poetic yes.
If we undervalue
ourselves, then we allow others to undervalue us as well.
Yeah.
You know, and I haven't been doing my affirmations as much.
I think you need some homework.
I want you to take Helen out on a date,
just the two of you.
Enjoy each other's company.
Let her see the fantastic, courageous man
that she married.
Okay.
So what's the project today-- fence, garden?
Here to aerate the lawn?
No, no.
Uh, here.
What's this?
It's a handyman.
He's reliable and he does good work,
and I ran a background check on him, so he's okay.
Does this mean you're not going
to be coming around as much?
Yeah, I think so.
Take care.
Look at you, hard at work.
What are you working on?
Travis.
Are you hiding something?
I have 47 e-mails.
Yeah, that is weird.
And they're all from DateSalon.com.
Travis!
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