1
00:00:03,601 --> 00:00:06,601
Wow! My longest relationship
was a year and a half.
2
00:00:06,902 --> 00:00:08,202
And I thought that was long.
3
00:00:08,237 --> 00:00:09,570
But five years?
4
00:00:09,605 --> 00:00:11,739
I can do a year and a half
with my eyes closed.
5
00:00:11,774 --> 00:00:12,740
I'm impressed.
6
00:00:12,775 --> 00:00:14,041
You don't seem like someone
7
00:00:14,076 --> 00:00:15,977
who just got out
of a long-term thing.
8
00:00:16,011 --> 00:00:18,615
You know, Lisa used to say...
9
00:00:18,649 --> 00:00:21,375
Come on, man!
You hadn't even ordered yet!
10
00:00:21,409 --> 00:00:23,871
Tell me that was
the last mention of Lisa.
11
00:00:23,906 --> 00:00:26,070
That was the last mention
of Lisa.
12
00:00:26,105 --> 00:00:28,169
Lisa never liked steak.
13
00:00:28,203 --> 00:00:30,201
Hey, do you you take
Mastercard or Lisa?
14
00:00:30,236 --> 00:00:31,437
[ Both laugh ]
15
00:00:31,505 --> 00:00:32,707
Oopsie-Lisa.
16
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,545
You said, "Tell me
that was the last mention."
17
00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:36,712
You made me lie!
18
00:00:38,279 --> 00:00:40,245
All right. Well,
I got it back on track, okay?
19
00:00:40,278 --> 00:00:41,345
Let me just finish.
20
00:00:41,379 --> 00:00:43,711
Are you trying to get me drunk?
21
00:00:43,746 --> 00:00:45,945
I'm trying, but it ain't easy.
22
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:48,380
You're like
a sexy Tom Sizemore.
23
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:50,314
I get that a lot.
24
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:53,622
So, did you kiss her
good night?
25
00:00:53,656 --> 00:00:55,424
Nah, just a cheek peck.
26
00:00:55,459 --> 00:00:56,525
Did you sleep with her?
27
00:00:58,061 --> 00:01:01,027
I didn't kiss her good night.
28
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,629
But did you sleep with her?
29
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,966
No.
30
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,001
Okay.
31
00:01:08,036 --> 00:01:10,038
Okay.
32
00:01:10,072 --> 00:01:11,405
I think he slept with her.
33
00:01:13,930 --> 00:01:17,930
Men at Work - 1x04 - Heterotextual Male
Original air date, June 7th, 2012.
34
00:01:20,255 --> 00:01:28,255
Sync & corrections by into-the-light,
www.addic7ed.com
35
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:36,428
so, first date accomplished.
36
00:01:36,462 --> 00:01:38,096
This is good, milo.
37
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,430
Hey, hey!
What'd I miss?
38
00:01:39,464 --> 00:01:43,266
Judging by that hat,
you miss the '80s.
39
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:44,767
A lot.
40
00:01:44,802 --> 00:01:46,269
[ Laughs ]
41
00:01:46,303 --> 00:01:47,337
Amy got it for me.
44
00:01:51,342 --> 00:01:53,310
I'm sure you're all
gonna take your shots,
45
00:01:53,344 --> 00:01:55,412
so all I ask is that
you please be creative.
46
00:01:55,446 --> 00:01:56,579
No. No shots.
47
00:01:56,614 --> 00:01:57,814
I'm just glad Jeremy Piven
48
00:01:57,848 --> 00:01:59,483
was able to unload
all his old hats.
49
00:01:59,517 --> 00:02:01,151
[ Laughs ]
Well played. Well played.
50
00:02:01,186 --> 00:02:03,253
And a tip of my hat to you.
51
00:02:03,287 --> 00:02:05,454
Oh, look at that.
Timberlake has a sense of humor.
52
00:02:05,489 --> 00:02:06,689
[ Laughs ]
53
00:02:06,723 --> 00:02:08,658
Good one. Good one.
Anyone else? Tyler?
54
00:02:08,692 --> 00:02:10,359
Uh...
55
00:02:10,393 --> 00:02:13,528
Hat... S-stupid.
56
00:02:13,562 --> 00:02:14,629
What?
57
00:02:14,663 --> 00:02:17,631
We'll come back to you.
Milo, first date?
58
00:02:17,666 --> 00:02:18,665
Come on. Tell me.
59
00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:20,000
First date...
it was a bit touch-and-go,
60
00:02:20,034 --> 00:02:21,501
but I got through it, you know.
61
00:02:21,535 --> 00:02:23,669
So at least the hard part's
over with.
62
00:02:27,575 --> 00:02:31,111
Am I supposed to be
uncomfortable right now?
63
00:02:31,145 --> 00:02:32,345
Because I am.
64
00:02:32,380 --> 00:02:33,814
First date is cake.
65
00:02:33,848 --> 00:02:36,016
The follow-ups...
that's the danger zone.
66
00:02:36,050 --> 00:02:37,684
Boom.
67
00:02:37,719 --> 00:02:38,952
What was that?
68
00:02:38,986 --> 00:02:40,287
Truth bomb.
69
00:02:40,321 --> 00:02:42,523
You just dropped a truth bomb.
70
00:02:42,557 --> 00:02:44,191
Boom.
71
00:02:45,226 --> 00:02:46,459
Look, milo.
The first...
72
00:02:46,493 --> 00:02:49,362
look, I don't want that
to become a thing. What?
73
00:02:49,397 --> 00:02:50,863
The "truth bomb" thing.
74
00:02:50,898 --> 00:02:54,366
You just called it a thing.
So now it's a thing.
75
00:02:54,401 --> 00:02:57,469
The first post-date contact
is make or break.
76
00:02:57,503 --> 00:02:59,137
Okay, yeah.
I know what I'm doing.
77
00:02:59,171 --> 00:03:01,472
I've been on a date before,
right? Give her a call.
78
00:03:01,507 --> 00:03:03,874
No, you will not.
Whoa, put it down.
79
00:03:03,908 --> 00:03:05,842
What?
Times have changed.
80
00:03:05,877 --> 00:03:08,011
Yeah, it's not all Ataris
and beepers out there.
81
00:03:09,514 --> 00:03:12,483
We got a black president now.
82
00:03:12,517 --> 00:03:14,218
You don't call.
You text.
83
00:03:14,252 --> 00:03:17,221
Bagger Vance is right.
And he's back.
84
00:03:17,256 --> 00:03:19,390
Fine, so I'll text.
I know how to send a text.
85
00:03:19,425 --> 00:03:21,693
S.M.H.
86
00:03:21,727 --> 00:03:22,694
What does that mean?
87
00:03:22,728 --> 00:03:23,828
Shaking my head.
88
00:03:23,863 --> 00:03:25,697
Which you would know
if you knew how to text.
89
00:03:25,732 --> 00:03:27,199
You've been sleeping,
90
00:03:27,233 --> 00:03:29,368
and the sun is coming up
on a brand-new day.
91
00:03:29,402 --> 00:03:34,373
Welcome, my son, to the world
of the hetero-text-ual male.
92
00:03:35,542 --> 00:03:37,009
Boom.
93
00:03:38,445 --> 00:03:41,581
This next sexual position
is called
94
00:03:41,615 --> 00:03:44,017
"Crouching Tiger
Hidden Knuckle."
95
00:03:44,051 --> 00:03:45,351
If performed correctly,
96
00:03:45,386 --> 00:03:47,420
it should look
something like this.
97
00:03:47,454 --> 00:03:49,522
Oh!
No way!
98
00:03:49,557 --> 00:03:52,859
That... how...
99
00:03:52,894 --> 00:03:55,195
This is the best blog I've ever read.
[ Laughs ]
100
00:03:55,230 --> 00:03:58,098
So, this is why you wouldn't
get yogurt with me?
101
00:03:58,132 --> 00:04:00,100
Well, it's only part
of the reason,
102
00:04:00,135 --> 00:04:03,403
1930s racetrack enthusiast.
103
00:04:03,437 --> 00:04:04,538
It's research.
104
00:04:04,572 --> 00:04:07,373
We're meeting this sex blogger,
Sasha Ryan.
105
00:04:07,408 --> 00:04:09,876
And daddy will be shooting
the spread.
106
00:04:09,910 --> 00:04:12,045
Are... are you daddy
in this?
107
00:04:12,079 --> 00:04:13,379
Yes. I am daddy.
108
00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:14,780
Why are you so giddy?
109
00:04:14,815 --> 00:04:16,782
We're not giddy.
I am giddy.
110
00:04:16,816 --> 00:04:18,083
Nobody knows
what she looks like,
111
00:04:18,117 --> 00:04:20,385
and I get to reveal her
to the world.
112
00:04:20,419 --> 00:04:21,953
So, she's a sex therapist.
113
00:04:21,988 --> 00:04:23,455
She's the sex therapist.
114
00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:26,458
She claims she's able to
teach men to reach ecstasy
115
00:04:26,492 --> 00:04:27,625
that makes them...
116
00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:29,461
rich beyond the dreams
of avarice.
117
00:04:30,663 --> 00:04:32,797
"Star Trek IV:
The Voyage Home."
118
00:04:32,831 --> 00:04:34,832
No!
119
00:04:34,867 --> 00:04:36,067
No!
120
00:04:36,102 --> 00:04:38,570
Okay.
Check it out, guys.
121
00:04:38,604 --> 00:04:40,806
I think I got a good text
to send to Jessica.
122
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,007
Roses are red...
123
00:04:42,042 --> 00:04:43,342
No!
124
00:04:44,645 --> 00:04:45,879
Hang on. Okay?
Relax.
125
00:04:45,913 --> 00:04:47,447
It gets cute.
Let me finish.
126
00:04:47,482 --> 00:04:49,149
I will not let you finish.
You don't want cute.
127
00:04:49,183 --> 00:04:52,285
A cute text can be misinterpreted.
And you're not ready for that.
128
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,154
Keep it simple.
What did you guys talk about?
129
00:04:54,188 --> 00:04:56,923
Uh, I don't know. Usual stuff,
you know... work, movies.
130
00:04:56,958 --> 00:04:58,125
She did mention
131
00:04:58,159 --> 00:04:59,960
she's never dated a guy
with a beard before.
132
00:04:59,994 --> 00:05:01,128
Perfect.
133
00:05:01,162 --> 00:05:03,197
Tell her you're debating
shaving your beard
134
00:05:03,232 --> 00:05:04,332
and you need some input.
135
00:05:04,366 --> 00:05:05,700
Oh, that's good.
136
00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:07,168
It shows that you were listening
and that she made an impact.
137
00:05:07,202 --> 00:05:08,803
[ Sighs ] Okay.
I'll try it.
138
00:05:08,837 --> 00:05:11,806
Thinking... About...
139
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:14,975
Shaving...
140
00:05:15,009 --> 00:05:17,711
Beard...
141
00:05:17,746 --> 00:05:20,314
...n-p-u-t.
142
00:05:22,217 --> 00:05:25,219
Done.
Now we wait.
143
00:05:26,588 --> 00:05:28,389
What is "Crouching Tiger
Hidden Knuckle"?
144
00:05:28,423 --> 00:05:30,258
You're not ready for that.
145
00:05:32,895 --> 00:05:35,563
Tyler Mitchell?
Yeah?
146
00:05:35,598 --> 00:05:36,832
I believe we have
an appointment.
147
00:05:36,866 --> 00:05:38,100
How's that?
148
00:05:39,569 --> 00:05:41,703
Sasha Ryan?
Yeah.
149
00:05:41,738 --> 00:05:43,538
Sasha... Ryan?
150
00:05:43,573 --> 00:05:45,173
Name so nice,
you said it twice.
151
00:05:45,207 --> 00:05:46,841
Once more,
I turn into a pumpkin.
152
00:05:48,210 --> 00:05:50,345
Ohh.
153
00:05:50,379 --> 00:05:52,047
Not quite
what you were expecting.
154
00:05:52,081 --> 00:05:53,815
No.
No, not at all.
155
00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:55,016
Not at all?
156
00:05:55,051 --> 00:05:57,052
Okay, so you are the blunt one
of the two, then.
157
00:05:57,086 --> 00:05:58,253
No, I...
I didn't mean that.
158
00:05:58,320 --> 00:05:59,687
Yeah, he...
he didn't mean that.
159
00:05:59,721 --> 00:06:02,223
You guys must suck at poker.
160
00:06:02,258 --> 00:06:04,059
You know, let's just
get started, all right?
161
00:06:04,093 --> 00:06:05,561
Okay, come on, foxy shutterbug.
162
00:06:05,595 --> 00:06:06,895
You get to break the seal.
163
00:06:06,929 --> 00:06:10,065
I'll...
Leave you to it.
164
00:06:10,099 --> 00:06:11,900
F.Y.I.,
for this photo shoot,
165
00:06:11,934 --> 00:06:14,970
I got a Brazilian
South of the border.
166
00:06:16,606 --> 00:06:19,908
This is Tyler Mitchell
from full stemagazine.
167
00:06:19,943 --> 00:06:21,911
Ty.
She texted me back.
168
00:06:21,945 --> 00:06:23,912
Texted.
"Texted"? Is that right?
169
00:06:23,947 --> 00:06:25,847
She texted me back
or she text me back?
170
00:06:25,882 --> 00:06:26,915
Texted me back?
171
00:06:26,949 --> 00:06:28,917
I'm sorry.
Can I call you right back?
172
00:06:28,951 --> 00:06:31,853
My daughter needs some help
with her homework.
173
00:06:31,887 --> 00:06:32,920
What?
174
00:06:32,955 --> 00:06:34,589
She did it.
She wrote me back.
175
00:06:34,624 --> 00:06:36,090
Good.
What'd she say?
176
00:06:36,125 --> 00:06:37,258
Well, remember,
I told her I was thinking
177
00:06:37,293 --> 00:06:38,927
about shaving my beard
and I wanted her input.
178
00:06:38,961 --> 00:06:42,530
She wrote back, "I'm always good
for some input."
179
00:06:42,564 --> 00:06:44,532
What?! I know!
I should go there right now, right?!
180
00:06:44,566 --> 00:06:45,600
No! Hold on. Hold on.
181
00:06:45,634 --> 00:06:47,602
Here.
Yeah, see? Look.
182
00:06:47,637 --> 00:06:48,937
At the end
of the sentence there.
183
00:06:48,971 --> 00:06:50,138
What, the smiley face?
184
00:06:50,172 --> 00:06:51,105
Yes.
So what?
185
00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:53,441
In the hetero-text-ual
world,
186
00:06:53,475 --> 00:06:56,277
everything is safe if you have
a smiley face at the end.
187
00:06:56,311 --> 00:06:59,781
They're like
conversational condoms.
188
00:06:59,815 --> 00:07:00,782
Really?
189
00:07:00,816 --> 00:07:02,150
Absolutely, man.
190
00:07:02,218 --> 00:07:04,419
You can say the filthiest,
naughtiest stuff to each other
191
00:07:04,453 --> 00:07:08,589
and it's all in fun as long
as you end it with that bad boy.
192
00:07:08,624 --> 00:07:11,092
Or his brother,
the winky smiley face.
193
00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:13,427
Okay. Good to know.
194
00:07:13,462 --> 00:07:14,762
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
195
00:07:14,796 --> 00:07:16,930
Hello.
196
00:07:16,965 --> 00:07:20,400
"Still hung over, thinking about
ditching my staff meeting."
197
00:07:20,434 --> 00:07:22,468
Oh, this is good.
Two texts in a row, man.
198
00:07:22,503 --> 00:07:23,736
She's definitely into you.
199
00:07:23,770 --> 00:07:25,237
Yeah. See?
I know what I'm doing.
200
00:07:25,272 --> 00:07:26,572
Yeah.
201
00:07:26,606 --> 00:07:28,640
So, what do I do now?
202
00:07:28,675 --> 00:07:30,309
Nothing, all right?
203
00:07:30,343 --> 00:07:33,311
You had a successful exchange.
Now you let it breathe.
204
00:07:33,346 --> 00:07:34,312
Don't write back?
205
00:07:34,347 --> 00:07:35,681
You let it breathe.
206
00:07:38,051 --> 00:07:39,351
For how long?
207
00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:43,154
We'll let you know.
208
00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:45,156
Can I get, like, a ball park?
209
00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:46,657
I kind of got to get back
to work here.
210
00:07:46,692 --> 00:07:50,794
Okay, cool. Sorry.
Um, winky face.
211
00:07:50,828 --> 00:07:53,996
That's good.
That's great.
212
00:07:54,031 --> 00:07:58,600
I now pronounce
this shoot... Wrapped.
213
00:07:58,634 --> 00:08:00,669
They really made you
earn your pay today, huh?
214
00:08:00,703 --> 00:08:02,003
Oh.
215
00:08:02,038 --> 00:08:04,339
I'm just guessing you're
used to shooting the waify,
216
00:08:04,373 --> 00:08:06,775
"I'll just have a half a leaf
and a diet coke for lunch"
217
00:08:06,809 --> 00:08:07,776
kind of runway model.
218
00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:09,978
Hey, now, you are a very...
219
00:08:10,012 --> 00:08:12,147
Oh, look. I know.
I wasn't fishing sweets.
220
00:08:12,181 --> 00:08:14,416
You know, I just have learned
over the years
221
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:18,755
in my many, many,
many sexual encounters
222
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,591
that the conventionally
attractive women,
223
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:24,194
you know, sometimes don't really
have the ganas.
224
00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:25,629
The what?
225
00:08:25,664 --> 00:08:28,299
The ganas. You know, the...
the desire.
226
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:31,068
The desire to really
take their time
227
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,503
and pleasure a man or a woman.
228
00:08:33,538 --> 00:08:35,872
That's a good one.
229
00:08:38,375 --> 00:08:40,342
Oh, man.
230
00:08:40,377 --> 00:08:41,977
[ Panting ]
What was that?
231
00:08:42,011 --> 00:08:48,816
That, my mocha fonzie,
was the ganas.
232
00:08:50,383 --> 00:08:53,885
{Pub}Jessica texted me...
Twice.
233
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,387
That's great.
234
00:08:55,422 --> 00:08:58,224
I haven't written back yet.
You want to know why?
235
00:08:58,258 --> 00:09:02,261
Tyler says
I'm letting it breathe.
236
00:09:02,296 --> 00:09:04,831
So it is breathing.
237
00:09:04,866 --> 00:09:05,933
Uh-huh.
238
00:09:05,967 --> 00:09:08,302
What?
You don't agree?
239
00:09:09,304 --> 00:09:11,506
You think I should
write her back, don't you?
240
00:09:11,540 --> 00:09:12,840
You know what?
So do I.
241
00:09:12,875 --> 00:09:15,176
I didn't say that.
You didn't have to.
242
00:09:15,211 --> 00:09:17,145
That's what I love about you.
You don't live your life
243
00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:18,513
following a bunch
of made-up rules.
244
00:09:18,548 --> 00:09:20,916
I mean, look at that hat.
245
00:09:20,950 --> 00:09:23,519
It's ridiculous,
and everybody thinks so.
246
00:09:23,553 --> 00:09:24,620
Everybody?
247
00:09:24,654 --> 00:09:26,121
Everybody.
But you don't care.
248
00:09:26,156 --> 00:09:28,123
And I respect the hell
out of you for that.
249
00:09:28,158 --> 00:09:30,392
Good talk, Neal!
250
00:09:35,064 --> 00:09:38,534
[ Sighs ]
251
00:09:38,568 --> 00:09:40,869
Hi.
252
00:09:40,903 --> 00:09:42,104
Hey.
253
00:09:42,138 --> 00:09:43,806
Just finishing up
a little background work
254
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,574
on our so-called
sex-pert.
255
00:09:45,608 --> 00:09:48,077
Oh, Tyler, you disappoint me.
You really do.
256
00:09:48,111 --> 00:09:49,746
This woman has spent years
257
00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:53,283
studying the art
of sexual gratification.
258
00:09:53,317 --> 00:09:55,452
And then spreading
those teachings
259
00:09:55,486 --> 00:09:59,791
across this great,
great, great nation of ours.
260
00:09:59,825 --> 00:10:01,959
You had sex with her.
261
00:10:01,994 --> 00:10:04,795
Sex.
262
00:10:04,829 --> 00:10:07,797
Such a dirty word, my friend.
263
00:10:07,832 --> 00:10:11,301
And we had a lot
of that dirty word.
264
00:10:11,335 --> 00:10:12,835
What?!
265
00:10:12,870 --> 00:10:15,638
She did things to me, Tyler.
She touched me...
266
00:10:15,672 --> 00:10:17,239
okay, stop.
I know how it works.
267
00:10:17,273 --> 00:10:19,741
No. No, no, no, no, no.
It's not about here.
268
00:10:19,775 --> 00:10:22,243
It's about here.
269
00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:23,310
And here.
270
00:10:23,345 --> 00:10:27,348
She touched my mind penis.
271
00:10:27,382 --> 00:10:31,318
Oh, come on, man!
I can't un-hear that.
272
00:10:31,352 --> 00:10:33,086
Why was it so great?
273
00:10:33,121 --> 00:10:35,989
How does one explain a butterfly
to the sightless?
274
00:10:36,024 --> 00:10:38,258
Hey, "Almost pretty enough
to be a chick."
275
00:10:38,292 --> 00:10:41,428
You ready for the q&a, Bieber?
276
00:10:41,462 --> 00:10:44,764
Hey, sweet saddle.
You still walking funny?
277
00:10:44,799 --> 00:10:45,999
[ Chuckling ] Oh.
278
00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:47,800
Listen, uh, I just want to say
that that was...
279
00:10:47,835 --> 00:10:49,002
I know.
280
00:10:49,036 --> 00:10:51,771
My bathing suit parts
had a great time, too.
281
00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:56,509
So...
282
00:10:56,544 --> 00:10:59,512
Have you heard from Jessica?
283
00:10:59,547 --> 00:11:02,515
Jessica, your date
from last night?
284
00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:03,883
I don't know her.
285
00:11:03,918 --> 00:11:06,519
So you haven't heard from her?
286
00:11:06,554 --> 00:11:08,788
Nope.
287
00:11:08,823 --> 00:11:10,256
Well, that makes two of us!
288
00:11:11,525 --> 00:11:13,326
I texted her
and haven't heard back!
289
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:14,861
Thanks a lot, Neal!
290
00:11:14,895 --> 00:11:17,130
Once again, I didn't tell...
Why didn't she write back?!
291
00:11:17,164 --> 00:11:18,398
Maybe she's busy.
292
00:11:18,432 --> 00:11:20,967
Maybe she's trapped
under something heavy.
293
00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:22,468
She's not.
294
00:11:22,503 --> 00:11:25,471
What if... there's been
a zombie outbreak at her office
295
00:11:25,506 --> 00:11:27,540
and she's holed up someplace
waiting for me.
296
00:11:27,574 --> 00:11:29,375
If they've breached
the perimeter of the building,
297
00:11:29,410 --> 00:11:32,078
then... wait,
are we doing this?
298
00:11:32,113 --> 00:11:33,246
Three hours ago,
299
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,281
I was in charge
of this text conversation,
300
00:11:35,316 --> 00:11:36,449
and now I'm not.
301
00:11:36,483 --> 00:11:41,021
And I blame you and your hat.
302
00:11:41,055 --> 00:11:42,489
[ Inhales sharply ] Just
because you took it off
303
00:11:42,523 --> 00:11:45,159
doesn't mean you're
not still wearing it.
304
00:11:46,261 --> 00:11:48,863
I don't know, either.
305
00:11:50,032 --> 00:11:55,337
Now, how did you start blogging
about your... learnings?
306
00:11:55,371 --> 00:11:57,439
Do I sense
a little skepticism here?
307
00:11:57,474 --> 00:11:59,576
No, no, I'm sure there
are plenty of people out there
308
00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:02,078
who need
this particular type of help.
309
00:12:02,113 --> 00:12:03,746
But you're not
one of them, right?
310
00:12:04,748 --> 00:12:07,249
Let me just take
a shot in the dark here.
311
00:12:07,284 --> 00:12:10,353
You've never had a tough time
landing a lady, right?
312
00:12:10,387 --> 00:12:12,588
Well, I don't like to brag.
313
00:12:12,623 --> 00:12:14,891
Oh, sure you do, right?
What happens?
314
00:12:14,925 --> 00:12:17,393
You let these poor girls
just swim around
315
00:12:17,428 --> 00:12:19,562
in those eyes of yours
for a spell
316
00:12:19,597 --> 00:12:22,632
and then right before
the horizontal slip and slide,
317
00:12:22,666 --> 00:12:24,267
it's wham, bam,
"Don't touch the hair."
318
00:12:24,301 --> 00:12:25,368
Am I right?
319
00:12:25,402 --> 00:12:27,970
They can touch the hair.
320
00:12:28,005 --> 00:12:28,971
Yeah.
321
00:12:29,006 --> 00:12:32,941
You've had it so easy,
Tom Brady.
322
00:12:32,976 --> 00:12:34,609
Okay. I get it.
323
00:12:34,644 --> 00:12:37,478
You're this sexual guru
that breaks men down so quickly
324
00:12:37,546 --> 00:12:39,113
they think they're inadequate.
325
00:12:39,148 --> 00:12:40,281
And you know what?
326
00:12:40,315 --> 00:12:43,151
Good scam, and it obviously
worked wonders on Gibbs.
327
00:12:43,185 --> 00:12:45,586
But this isn't my first time
at bat.
328
00:12:48,857 --> 00:12:51,225
Welcome to the majors, kiddo.
329
00:12:51,259 --> 00:12:55,262
What was that?
What did I just do?
330
00:12:55,297 --> 00:12:58,265
That was called
"crymaxing." Hmm?
331
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,935
There's only three people in
the country who can induce it,
332
00:13:00,969 --> 00:13:03,804
and you just got sweet and sour
with one of 'em.
333
00:13:03,838 --> 00:13:06,774
I don't even know
how to explain. I mean...
334
00:13:06,808 --> 00:13:08,676
Shh!
That'll do, pig.
335
00:13:08,743 --> 00:13:09,777
That'll do.
336
00:13:11,613 --> 00:13:12,847
[ Laughs ]
337
00:13:12,881 --> 00:13:15,683
But, um...
338
00:13:20,023 --> 00:13:21,523
The colors?
339
00:13:21,557 --> 00:13:24,725
They're so much brighter.
340
00:13:26,161 --> 00:13:28,796
And the air...
It seems so...
341
00:13:28,831 --> 00:13:30,298
I know.
342
00:13:30,332 --> 00:13:33,000
I know!
343
00:13:33,035 --> 00:13:34,601
Nothing. Not a word.
344
00:13:34,635 --> 00:13:35,602
From who?
345
00:13:35,636 --> 00:13:37,771
Jessica.
I wrote her back.
346
00:13:37,805 --> 00:13:39,639
I told you to let it breathe.
347
00:13:39,673 --> 00:13:41,641
Neal and his hat
told me to write her back.
348
00:13:42,843 --> 00:13:45,978
Yeah, that's what
me and my hat did.
349
00:13:46,012 --> 00:13:47,513
Hold up.
What did you write?
350
00:13:47,547 --> 00:13:48,613
Nothing.
351
00:13:48,648 --> 00:13:49,681
She said she was maybe
gonna skip her meeting,
352
00:13:49,716 --> 00:13:50,849
so I wrote,
"No, you can't."
353
00:13:50,884 --> 00:13:51,984
How'd you phrase it?
354
00:13:52,019 --> 00:13:53,386
Just like that.
I wrote, "No, you can't."
355
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:54,554
Well, that's not bad.
356
00:13:54,621 --> 00:13:57,557
It's a little boring,
but... oh, no.
357
00:13:57,624 --> 00:14:00,125
No way.
What?
358
00:14:01,228 --> 00:14:02,561
"No, you can't."
359
00:14:02,595 --> 00:14:05,031
"No, you can't."
360
00:14:05,065 --> 00:14:07,734
"No, you c... " oh.
361
00:14:07,768 --> 00:14:10,470
That is not
how you spell "can't."
362
00:14:17,476 --> 00:14:19,476
{Pub}She isn't answer my calls,
or texts.
363
00:14:19,502 --> 00:14:22,136
I filled her voicemail...
both home and work.
364
00:14:22,171 --> 00:14:23,638
What else am I supposed to do?
365
00:14:23,672 --> 00:14:26,874
Turn yourself in to the police.
366
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,177
I mean,
is it that big of a deal?
367
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,512
In england, they use that word
all the time, right? Right?
368
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:33,948
It's like their version
of "smurf."
369
00:14:33,983 --> 00:14:37,285
Milo, maybe you let this one go
or just let it be a lesson.
370
00:14:37,319 --> 00:14:40,822
Or maybe I go down to her work
and apologize in person.
371
00:14:40,856 --> 00:14:41,856
No.
372
00:14:41,890 --> 00:14:42,957
Why?
373
00:14:42,991 --> 00:14:44,859
That's where I shine...
face-to-face.
374
00:14:44,894 --> 00:14:47,396
All this texting and tweeting
and super poking,
375
00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:48,563
that's not me.
376
00:14:48,598 --> 00:14:51,500
I'm good in the room.
I'm good in person.
377
00:14:51,535 --> 00:14:52,735
Look at me.
378
00:14:52,769 --> 00:14:54,970
You go down there,
she will call the police.
379
00:14:55,004 --> 00:14:57,306
She'll call the police,
but she won't call me?
380
00:14:59,876 --> 00:15:02,711
Fine. Okay, fine.
381
00:15:02,745 --> 00:15:05,947
I'll just... Wait for her
to get back to me, all right?
382
00:15:08,384 --> 00:15:10,352
I'm good.
383
00:15:11,688 --> 00:15:13,889
I'm good.
384
00:15:26,204 --> 00:15:28,205
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
385
00:15:33,644 --> 00:15:35,912
Excuse me one second.
386
00:15:41,384 --> 00:15:42,351
Milo?
387
00:15:42,385 --> 00:15:43,752
Hi.
388
00:15:45,121 --> 00:15:47,723
So, this is your work.
389
00:15:47,757 --> 00:15:50,225
What are you doing here?
390
00:15:50,259 --> 00:15:52,894
Okay, look, I'm sorry
for coming here like this,
391
00:15:52,929 --> 00:15:55,563
but I thought we had
a really great time last night,
392
00:15:55,598 --> 00:15:58,233
and then we had this whole
texty banter thing going on,
393
00:15:58,267 --> 00:16:00,903
which I'm also new to, so then
when I sent you that text
394
00:16:00,937 --> 00:16:02,037
and you didn't respond,
395
00:16:02,072 --> 00:16:03,606
so then I called
and I sent you some e-mails
396
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,642
and then I wrote
on your Facebook wall...
397
00:16:05,676 --> 00:16:08,545
Don't forget to wish your cousin
a Happy Birthday, by the way.
398
00:16:08,579 --> 00:16:10,380
But I just wanted you to know
399
00:16:10,415 --> 00:16:13,384
that what I meant to write
was "No, you can't."
400
00:16:13,418 --> 00:16:14,552
I know.
401
00:16:14,586 --> 00:16:15,886
Right, so, then,
when you didn't respond,
402
00:16:15,921 --> 00:16:18,556
I thought you meant...
Oh.
403
00:16:18,590 --> 00:16:19,723
You know?
404
00:16:19,758 --> 00:16:21,726
Yeah, milo, I was pretty sure
405
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,561
you weren't calling me
the worst word in the world
406
00:16:23,595 --> 00:16:24,962
for no reason.
407
00:16:24,997 --> 00:16:26,931
Oh.
408
00:16:26,965 --> 00:16:28,800
Well, then,
why didn't you respond?
409
00:16:28,834 --> 00:16:31,002
Because I'm working.
410
00:16:31,037 --> 00:16:33,438
And I was in a meeting.
411
00:16:33,473 --> 00:16:35,607
Of course.
412
00:16:35,641 --> 00:16:36,808
[ Sighs ]
413
00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:38,644
Look, milo,
I had a really nice time, too.
414
00:16:38,678 --> 00:16:41,781
Oh, good. Cool.
Okay. Me, too.
415
00:16:41,815 --> 00:16:43,949
So, we're good?
We're cool? We're cool.
416
00:16:43,984 --> 00:16:45,785
That is awesome.
417
00:16:47,221 --> 00:16:49,523
Um...
418
00:16:49,557 --> 00:16:52,626
So, maybe on Friday you
want to go out and... no.
419
00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:55,295
Is it because of this whole virtual
stalking thing I have going on,
420
00:16:55,329 --> 00:16:57,030
plus I showed up at your work
all crazy like?
421
00:16:57,064 --> 00:16:58,998
You got it.
422
00:16:59,066 --> 00:17:01,634
[ Sighs ]
423
00:17:01,668 --> 00:17:05,137
That got away from me
pretty quick.
424
00:17:05,171 --> 00:17:07,439
Amy.
425
00:17:07,473 --> 00:17:09,440
Hi, pooh bear!
426
00:17:09,475 --> 00:17:11,609
Ohh! Mwah!
427
00:17:11,644 --> 00:17:14,446
I was just in the neighborhood,
and I thought I'd come by
428
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,449
and say "Hi"
to my big 3-course Neal!
429
00:17:17,484 --> 00:17:19,952
[ Chuckles ]
430
00:17:19,986 --> 00:17:20,986
That is so sweet.
431
00:17:21,021 --> 00:17:23,522
Well, that is
just what couples do.
432
00:17:23,557 --> 00:17:26,526
We surprise each other,
get each other gifts.
433
00:17:26,593 --> 00:17:29,562
Speaking of which,
where's that hat I got you?
434
00:17:29,597 --> 00:17:32,566
Uh...
435
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,168
The... The hat?
436
00:17:35,203 --> 00:17:36,169
Mm-hmm.
437
00:17:36,204 --> 00:17:37,537
Hat, you know,
goes on your head
438
00:17:37,604 --> 00:17:39,305
so your thoughts don't escape.
439
00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:40,640
Oh, look!
Here's one!
440
00:17:40,674 --> 00:17:42,809
But it couldn't be yours
because you loved it
441
00:17:42,843 --> 00:17:45,078
and you'd never just throw it
in the trash, right?
442
00:17:45,112 --> 00:17:47,380
Trash?!
Uh... no, um...
443
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:50,350
That there's a...
Hat can.
444
00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:55,388
A hat can?
445
00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:56,656
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
446
00:17:56,690 --> 00:17:58,658
We just did this huge spread
on 'em in the fashion issue.
447
00:17:58,692 --> 00:18:02,995
Everybody's got 'em...
Clooney, Pitt, and others.
448
00:18:03,030 --> 00:18:06,665
Well, Clooney, pitt,
and others...
449
00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:08,034
Why didn't you say so?
450
00:18:08,068 --> 00:18:09,902
I'm totally not mad anymore.
451
00:18:09,936 --> 00:18:11,336
[ Sighs ] Really?
452
00:18:11,371 --> 00:18:13,372
No, not really!
453
00:18:13,407 --> 00:18:15,842
No, I'm... I'm sorry.
It was just... it was such a sweet gift,
454
00:18:15,876 --> 00:18:17,210
but everybody
was calling me names
455
00:18:17,244 --> 00:18:18,844
and offering me two bits
for the weekly,
456
00:18:18,878 --> 00:18:20,680
and I don't even know
what the hell that means.
457
00:18:20,714 --> 00:18:22,381
Neal, if you didn't
like the hat,
458
00:18:22,416 --> 00:18:23,716
you could have just told me.
459
00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:25,885
I didn't make it,
I just thought it was cute.
460
00:18:25,919 --> 00:18:27,186
So, I could have told you
this morning
461
00:18:27,221 --> 00:18:28,221
that I didn't like the...
462
00:18:28,255 --> 00:18:30,490
Honey, I am never
gonna get mad at you
463
00:18:30,524 --> 00:18:31,958
for being honest with me.
464
00:18:31,992 --> 00:18:35,261
[ Sighing ] All right.
Then I have to tell you.
465
00:18:35,328 --> 00:18:39,097
I did not like that sweater
you gave me for my birthday.
466
00:18:39,132 --> 00:18:42,034
I made that sweater...
467
00:18:42,068 --> 00:18:45,303
W-with the yarn
from my baby blanket.
468
00:18:45,338 --> 00:18:47,272
Oh... No, I know it.
I know it, and I love it.
469
00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:49,208
It was just
a little tight around my neck,
470
00:18:49,242 --> 00:18:51,643
but I'm working with it, and...
471
00:18:51,677 --> 00:18:53,611
you didn't make
that sweater, did you?
472
00:18:53,679 --> 00:18:56,014
It's so easy with you.
473
00:19:00,418 --> 00:19:02,386
All right, boys. That was fun,
but mama's got to blog.
474
00:19:02,420 --> 00:19:04,221
Wait! Yeah, I was
thinking that maybe...
475
00:19:04,255 --> 00:19:06,223
Do you want to go to dinner
with me sometime? Or me?
476
00:19:06,257 --> 00:19:07,257
Probably me.
477
00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:08,925
[ Chuckling ]
Well, look at you.
478
00:19:08,959 --> 00:19:11,761
You get one tiny taste of
the rainbow, and you're hooked.
479
00:19:11,795 --> 00:19:13,763
I wouldn't say "hooked."
I am. I'm hooked.
480
00:19:13,797 --> 00:19:15,631
I want to taste
that rainbow again.
481
00:19:15,665 --> 00:19:17,133
Sorry, pup.
One ride per customer.
482
00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:19,935
I just really
wanted to show you guys
483
00:19:19,969 --> 00:19:21,571
that even though
I'm not a super model,
484
00:19:21,605 --> 00:19:23,072
it's not really
how a woman looks.
485
00:19:23,106 --> 00:19:24,307
I mean, right now,
486
00:19:24,341 --> 00:19:26,008
you're ready to suck a golf ball
through a garden hose
487
00:19:26,043 --> 00:19:28,211
for one more trip
to flavor country.
488
00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:32,148
Take me with you?
489
00:19:32,216 --> 00:19:35,752
Sorry, honey.
I hunt alone.
490
00:19:37,322 --> 00:19:39,156
Would you look at that strut.
491
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:42,794
Like a sexy hulk
walking out of our lives.
492
00:19:44,330 --> 00:19:46,799
Wow.
493
00:19:46,833 --> 00:19:49,635
Hey, did you, um...
494
00:19:49,669 --> 00:19:52,271
Did you...
Crymax with her?
495
00:19:52,305 --> 00:19:54,272
Crymax? No.
496
00:19:54,307 --> 00:19:55,407
Did you?
497
00:19:55,441 --> 00:19:57,776
No.
498
00:19:57,810 --> 00:19:58,843
A little.
499
00:19:58,911 --> 00:20:02,213
Like a baby being born.
500
00:20:02,247 --> 00:20:03,780
[ Sighs ]
501
00:20:14,982 --> 00:20:16,449
{Pub}What are you doing?
502
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,184
Practicing my texting.
503
00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:20,252
[ Silverware clatters ]
That is just sad.
504
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,887
Oh, really?
505
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:24,622
Is it sadder than you both sleeping
with the same sex blogger?
506
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:25,924
Boom.
507
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:28,092
Stop using my booms.
508
00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:30,428
[ Sniffing ]
509
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:31,996
I'm sorry.
510
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,164
Are you crying?
511
00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:34,433
No, he's okay.
512
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,936
It's just a little
"crymaxing."
513
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:42,307
Did we not mention
that Sasha updated her blog?
514
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:46,178
Oh, look at that...
"Two swords, one sheath."
515
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:47,346
She even used your names.
516
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:50,616
Your parents do have
the Internet, right?
517
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,118
Knock knock.
Who's there?
518
00:20:52,152 --> 00:20:53,152
Boom.
519
00:20:53,177 --> 00:21:01,177
Sync & corrections by into-the-light,
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