副總統 第一季第8集
- 我東西都收拾好了麽 Gary? - 是的 我們東西都齊了 - Am I all packed, Gary? - Yeah, we're all covered.
副總統官邸 華盛頓
- 俄亥俄的天氣太你媽精神分裂了 - 我明白 The thing about Ohio is the weather is completely schizophrenic.- I know.
如果給你穿錯了衣服的話 那你不是凍得像根冰棍就是熱得像條狗 - We dress you wrong, you're either freezing like a popsicle
- 或者說是像跳芭蕾舞或者現代舞的 - 好了 沒關系的 - Or a ballerina or modern dancer. - Okay, it's fine.
這個地方有室內泳池麽? 我帶了遊泳褲 Is there an indoor pool at this place? I packed my swimsuit.
你爲什麽問我這個? 還有我們有總統在經濟論壇那邊的消息嗎? Why are you asking me that? And have we heard from the president
噢 有的 我才聽說他打了高于標准杆三杆的成績 Uh, yeah. Last I heard, he was three over par.
- 哈? - 噢 論壇取消了 - Huh? - Oh, forum's not happening.
- 總統去打高爾夫去了 - 你知道是誰和他一起去的麽? Potus took a golf day. Do you know who he's playing golf with?
- 不知道 誰啊? - 不 不 不 是誰? - No, who? - No, no, no, who?
噢 是你不知道然後讓我去打聽 Oh, you don't know and you want me to find out.
- 是的 - 好的 對不起 - Yeah, yeah. - Okay. Sorry.
很高興見到你啊 哥們 我可想你的郵件了 Good to see you again, buddy. I miss your emails.
- 好久不抄件了啊 - 你還在克利夫蘭哈 Will? Long time no cc. Still up here in Cleveland, huh, will?
你就在地方的豬圈裏滾麽? Just rutting around with the regional swine?
- 爲Furlong當牛做馬? - 呃 我現在是資深顧問了 Slaving away for Furlong? Well, I am the senior advisor now.
所以我可以有免費無線網 還能經常去華盛頓 So I get free wi-fi. I'll be going to D.C.. A lot more.
我的天啊 憑著你州級的政治敏感度 Oh, my God. With that provincial sensibility
還有這副娘味的樣子 你是混不了多久的 and that girlish figure, you're not gonna last.
聽著 Dan 衆議員希望你的老板爲他競選州長背書 Listen, Dan, the congressman expects your boss to endorse him for governor.
- 是的 我們知道這個事 - 事情有點複雜 好嗎? Yeah, we're aware of that. It's gotten a bit complex, all right?
所以衆議員要和你在房間裏談談 So the congressman would like to speak with you in his room.
跟我來 好嗎? If you'd just join me, okay?
啊 我認出你來了 你是Selina身邊的小基人兒 對吧? Ah, I recognize you. You're one of Selina's little gay dwarves, aren't you?
- 你是叫傻皮麽? 還是嫩皮? - 其實我的名字叫 Dan Egan What, are you sappy? Is that it? Preppy? Actually, my name is Dan Egan.
你可能記得 事實上我曾經爲Hayes衆議員工作過 You might remember, actually, I used to work for congresswoman Hayes.
天哪 我當然不記得了 Oh, my gosh, of course I don't remember that.
聽著 我需要你的幫助 哥們 我需要你回去告訴Selina Listen, I need your help, buddy. I need you to go back and tell Selina
說我不要她給我參選州長背書了 好嗎? that I don't want her to endorse me for governor, okay?
她現在就和洗澡盆裏的粑粑一樣不招人待見 She's about as welcome here as a turd in a hot tub.
呃 這可能有點問題 Well, that could be a bit of an issue.
我們辦的是籌款會 而她就是票房毒藥 好嗎? We're trying to run a fundraiser and she's kind of toxic at the box office, all right?
我們要把銀盤子升級到金盤子 We're having to bump our silver plates up to gold plates,
金盤子要升級到鉑金盤子 gold plates are going up to platinum plates.
我把Will裝在喬治城的同志吧門口 作全天候歡迎菊掙的錢都比這個多 I'd make more money if I installed will here as a full-t
我十分肯定他已經在兼職幹這個了 Which I'm pretty sure he already does part-time.
- 對吧 Will? - 是的 先生 - Right, will? - Yes, sir.
衆議員先生 她現在已經在來這裏的路上了 Congressman, she's on her way here right now.
那又怎麽樣? 在克利夫蘭有大把事情可以做啊 So what? There's plenty to do here in Cleveland.
帶她去搖滾名人堂好了 我第一次帶這孩子去的時候 Send her to the rock and roll hall of fame. First time I took this kid,
他看了一眼Kurt Cobain的鞋就他媽瘋狂了 (搖滾巨星 27歲去世) one look at Kurt Cobain's shoes, he was bawling like a fucking baby.
"英年早逝啊!英年早逝啊!" "It's too soon! It's too soon!"
女士 Martin Collins 就是那個被我們調走的特勤處的人... Ma'am, Martin Collins, the secret service guy we reassigned...
- 嗯哼 - 他回來了 他被反調了 - Mm-hmm. - He's back. He's been un-reassigned.
- 你玩我呢吧? - 情況確實不咋地 - Are you kidding me? - Not great, admittedly.
"確實不咋地"? 對 這個就他媽應該是我回憶錄的標題 "Not great, admittedly"? Yeah, that should be the title of my fucking memo
他不是就在門口吧 是嗎? 噢 嗨... He's not outside here, is he? Oh, hi!
我的個...! 好的 很好 Oh, my! Okay, great.
好吧 那是我這輩子願意和他說的最後一句話了 All right, that's all I want to say to him for the rest of my life.
嘿 支持率出來了 Hey, approval ratings just came through.
- 噢 - 66% - Oh. - 66%.
- 什麽? - 支持 - What? - Approve.
- 噢! - 對不起 是不支持 - Oh! - Sorry, disapprove.
- 噢 - 不... - Oh. - Dis...
你知道嗎? 你去和安保人員一塊坐去 You know what? You go ride with the security detail.
這車裏沒你的地兒了 There's no room for you in this car.
她可以感謝軍隊啊 She can thank the troops,
她可以去迷倒隨便什麽二貨 she can charm all the mouth-breathers,
她還可以回華盛頓嘛 沒啥大不了的 and then she can go back to D.C. No big deal.
她唯一不會做的事就是站出來爲我背書 你懂了嗎? The one thing she will not be doing is standing up and endorsing me. You got me?
如果我得到了她的支持的話 I get the stamp of approval from her,
那我就可能就得去找些狗崽來按到地上 and I might as well nail a bunch of puppies to the ground
然後用我的競選大巴去壓死它們 碾碎它們的腦袋 and then start running them over and crush their skulls with my campaign bus.
沒有冒犯的意思 我們之前是... All due respect, we did have a...
達成了一個非正式的協議 要她來支持你競選州長 informal understanding that she would endorse your run for governor.
好吧 沒有冒犯的意思 傻逼 All right, well, all due respect, cock nugget,
現在這個非正式的協議有點太萦繞不去了 there's been a little too much of this informal understanding going on around here.
- 對吧 will? - 是的 先生 - Isn't that right, will? - Yes, sir.
綠色産業是你們辦公室出品的吧? Clean jobs was your office, right?
還有它在Macauley修正案裏的角色 And its role in the Macauley amendment.
讓Macauley參議員違背總統意願 去偷偷提交副總統糟糕的法案 Getting senator Macauley to sneak in the VP's lame-ass legislation
Macauley事件 那沒有發生過 Macauley thing, yeah, that didn't happen.
Will 告訴他我是誰 Will, tell him who I am.
先生 你是國會監督委員會的副主席 Sir, you're the vice chair of the congressional oversight committee.
而擁有這樣的能力就意味著我有義務 去曝光這種肮髒的幕後玩意 Dan And in that capacity, I have a duty to shine a light on a
謝謝你花了這麽多時間 衆議員 Thank you for your time, congressman.
我會盡力而爲的 I will do what I can.
不許背書 Don't endorse.
她看起來挺好的 She seems nice.
就因爲那個笑面特勤人員 Amy 66%的人不支持啊 'Cause of that smiling secret service guy, Amy, 66% disapprove.
現在全美國也就這麽多人醒著 That's everyone in America who's awake right now.
好吧 我們今天先不要關心那個 我們要集中精神在俄亥俄州 Okay, let's not concentrate on that today. Let's concentrate on Ohi
俄亥俄 克利夫蘭
怎麽可能有這麽多美國人不喜歡我? How could that many Americans not like me?
我覺得他們搞錯了 他們數錯了數什麽之類的 I think they got it wrong. They counted those numbers wrong or something.
要不就是所有那些美國人都錯了 Or all those Americans are completely wrong.
好了 這是酒店經理 我們答應他可以有四秒鍾 Okay, this is the hotel manager. We promised him four seconds.
副總統女士 歡迎來到我們酒店 Madam Vice President. Welcome to our hotel.
我們得把副總統帶走了 很抱歉 We have to take the vice president away. Apologies.
爲什麽要給我這杯豬血? Why have I been given this pig's blood?
那是番茄汁 是俄亥俄的招牌飲品 It's tomato juice. It's the Ohio state beverage.
- 我去 呃...女士 - 什麽? - Oh, piss. Ma'am. - Yeah?
他們那個大額捐款的票賣不出去 They're having trouble moving big donor tickets.
- 什麽? - 是的 - What? - Yeah.
- 爲什麽? 因爲我嗎? - 不是的 - Why? Because of me? - No.
Amy 你得著手讓大家都喜歡我 Amy, you're gonna have to start getting everyone to like me.
女士 有好消息 Ma'am. Hi. Good news.
- 我們沒有賣出去太多鉑金票 - 我已經說過了 We are not exactly selling that many platinum level tickets. I just gave her that news.
但是後面的這條消息會更讓你郁悶的 Yeah, but it was so much more depressing coming out of you.
別擔心 我有對策 Not to worry. I have a strategy.
好了 聽著 我們該笑笑 該握手握手 Okay, look, we smile the smiles, we shake the hands,
但是我們不能背書 我們不讓媒體有材料報道 but we do not endorse. We give the press nothing to report.
不 那樣顯得我更弱了 No, that makes me look even weaker.
- 好吧 女士 我... - 嘿 - All right, ma'am, I... - Hey.
我真覺得這事值得考慮 I really think this is something to consider.
Jonah Jonah.
這是來自權力俱樂部的問候 Amy Greetings from the clubhouse of power, Amy.
你要知道 白宮明白最近的民意調查數字 You need to know that the White House understands
意味著副總統有多毒 just how toxic the veep is after these latest numbers.
這是道難關 我們知道 It's a tough time, we're aware.
你想知道她毒性有多強麽 Amy? Do you want to know how toxic she is, Amy?
你想象一下從死牛屁眼裏爬出來的小東西 Imagine something small has crawled up a dead cow's ass.
然後這個小東西還死了 And then that small thing actually dies itself.
這個死掉的小玩意還放了一堆蛋出來 If that dead thing then farted out a sack of eggs,
而這每一個蛋裏都有一個更小的爛了的死東西 but each individual egg is a smaller, rotting dead thing,
她現在就有這麽毒 that's how toxic she is.
好了 謝謝你的資訊 Okay, thanks for the input.
而且我知道你現在壓力很大 And I know you're under a lot of pressure over there,
如果你需要個肩膀靠著哭或者是要約炮什麽的 你有我電話的哈... so if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or a bootie to call
你知道總統是和誰打高爾夫了麽? Did you find out who the president's playing golf with?
高爾夫 就是男人們帶著棍子到處走 Golf. You know, men walking around with sticks
- 然後談論事業的那個東西 - 噢 - talking about their careers. - Oh, mm.
我本來是要跟進的 女士 我沒有忘記的 I was gonna follow up on that, ma'am. I didn't forget.
我沒有忘記 I did not forget.
女士 是Furlong衆議員 Ma'am, it's congressman Furlong.
- 呃你可以告訴他去艹自己... - 他已經來了 女士 - Well, you can tell him to go fuck him... - He's right here, ma'am.
- 噢 Roger - 副總統女士 - Oh! Roger. - Madam Vice President.
- 非常感謝你能見我 - 謝謝你能來 Thank you so much for seeing me. Well, thank you for dropping by.
不好意思我要整理一下 Excuse me while I get myself pulled together.
當然 我很喜歡這個房間 這非常棒 Of course. I like this room. This is great.
- 對啊 這是總統套房 - 副總統吧 Yeah, it's the presidential suite. Vice presidential, anyway.
聽著 我看了你的支持率數字 Listen, I've seen the disapproval numbers.
所以我明白這裏的微妙局勢 So I appreciate the delicate situation here.
呃 只是工作的一部分而已 Uh, just part of the job.
不 不是的 這是Will No, it's not. This is Will.
Will 他們對支持率的評價是什麽? Will, what were they saying about the disapproval?
對不起 女士 網上都寫的是"菊花被完爆" Apologies, ma'am. "Effed in the b-hole" across all networks.
女士 這可是揮之不去的畫面感 我跟你說 Ma'am, that is a lingering image to try to overcome, I'll tell you.
這是什麽意思 衆議員? What's this about, congressman?
呃 我是希望...女士...我們能談談 Well, I was hoping maybe, ma'am, we could have a moment.
- 好吧 你坐 - 謝謝 - Yes. Have a seat. - Thank you.
女士 我不希望你這次爲我競選州長背書 Ma'am, I don't want you to endorse my run for governor at this time.
呃 Roger Um, well, Roger,
- 這個對我很難... - 嗯哼 - that is difficult... - Mm-hmm.
我都已經到這裏來了 For me because I'm here.
是的 這很好 能給我來點水嗎? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's great. Can I get some water?
對我來說... Um, it's being put to me...
- Gary 能給我來點水嗎? - 好的 - Gary, can I get some water? - Yeah.
對我來說...我很抱歉... It's being put to me that... and I apologize...
但是從政治角度而言 你就是殘次品啊 but politically speaking, you are damaged goods.
我聽說你的信用已經降到了... I'm hearing that your credibility is...
- 降到哪了來著 Will? - 馬桶裏 - Where is it located, will? - The toilet.
嗯哼 不是我的話哈 Mm-hmm. Again, not my words.
- 所以... - 馬桶裏? - So... - The toilet?
- 我不要這個 - 好的 - I don't want this. - Okay.
- 更確切的說 是上大號的地方 - 你是誰? - More accurately, the crapper. - Who are you?
- 這個菜鳥他媽是誰? - 誰也不是 - Who is this fucking infant? - No one.
我跟你說清楚 Roger Let me be very clear with you about something, okay, Roger?
我都不喜歡你 I don't even like you.
- 對 - 對吧? - Right. - Right?
現在我...被告知要來爲你背書 And now I'm, you know, been told to come here and endorse you.
所以你明白我現在如果不給你背書的話 會有多尴尬嗎? So do you understand how embarrassing this would be for me now not to endor
是的 當然 我明白 Yes, of course. I get it, yeah.
聽著 女士 本著互惠精神而言 And listen, in the spirit of reciprocity, ma'am,
我個人也不是很在乎你 I don't really care for you much either personally.
你不能阻止我給你背書 You can't stop me from endorsing you.
- 那我就公開拒絕你的支持 - 副總統女士 你要休息五分鍾嗎? Then I will reject the endorsement publically. Madam Vice President
不 我不用休息五分鍾 我他媽好得不得了 No, I don't need five minutes. I'm absolutely fucking fine.
非常感謝 Thank you very much.
Roger 你會不會有時候想到 You know, Roger, do you sometimes think about,
我給你這個 你給我那個 I don't know, I give you this and you give me that
然後黑的上來 棕的下去什麽的? and black is up, but brown is down now?
- 你明白我的意思麽? - 嗯哼 - Do you know what I mean? - Mm-hmm.
在生活中或者說僅是出于愛 I mean, in life or even just with love,
我是說 歸根結底 you know, I mean, at the end of the day,
難道我們不都是...人麽? you know, aren't we just all finally just, you know, people?
- 說得對 女士 - 是的 - True words, ma'am. - Yeah.
你知道嗎 我已經... I mean, you know, I haven't...
我已經有...三個月 I haven't seen my... my daughter
沒見過我女兒了 in, like, three months.
而Ted就...哇! And Ted is just, you know, whaa!
我不知道他去了哪 你知道嗎? 而我... I don't know where he went, you know? You know, and I would...
我很想去參加那場派對 你知道嗎? I would love to go to that party, you know?
我想到處都去 I would like to be everywhere.
聽著 副總統女士 我很抱歉 Look, Madam Vice President, I'm sorry.
- 我一點也不爲此高興 - 不許說你沒有高興 This doesn't give me any pleasure. Don't you say it gives you no pleasure.
任何人說這句話的意思都是他們都特高興 When anybody ever says that, all they mean is that it does give them so much pleasure.
- 聽著... - 我知道那是什麽意思 - Look... - I know what that means.
也許你應該來一下 好嗎? Maybe you should make an address, okay?
說一些政治啊美國人團結起來啊之類的 Talk about politics and America working together.
我他媽知道怎麽演講 I know how to give a motherfucking speech.
不許用你沒有的下巴來戳我 Don't you patronize me with your no jaw.
你個沒下巴的衆議員 You congressman no jaw.
好了 女士 我們該...我們必須走了 Okay, ma'am. We should... we have to go.
- 都他媽滾 - 好的 好的 - Get the fuck out. - Okay. Okay.
他不是個好人 我去給你泡杯茶 好嗎? He was just not a nice man. I'll get you some tea, okay?
我把Mike留下來 他可以留這裏陪你 I'll just leave Mike. He can stay here with you.
- 非常抱歉你流了眼淚 - 是的 - I'm sorry about your tears. - Yeah.
太遜了 They suck.
我爸爸曾經說過 You know, my papaw used to say,
"暴風雨之前都會很黑暗的" 所以... "it's always darkest before the storm. " So...
噢 是黎明 是黎明之前 Oh, the dawn, the dawn.
"黎明之前總是最黑暗的 " 然後他就會親我 "It's always darkest before the dawn. " And then he would kiss me.
好了 這個聽起來可能有點瘋狂 不過就這麽辦吧 All right, this might sound crazy, but go with it.
她哭得很真實 Her crying was very authentic
而且很人性化 and humanizing.
好吧 Okay.
我喜歡你的想法 I like your thinking.
- 我其實覺得還有一點讓人性致勃發 - 我收回剛才的話 I actually found it slightly erotic, too. I take it back.
所以我才花了這麽久才和Angie分手的 That's why it took me so long to split up with Angie.
她老是哭 我就老是硬 She'd always cry, I'd always get a hard-on.
- 現在我被你繞暈了 - 聽著 - Now you've lost me. - Listen.
我們得商量一下這個 We should spitball on this, though.
玩哭泣大法 The crying game play, all right?
我們只需要設計她一下 然後讓攝像機轉起來 All we've got to do is set her up and let the cameras roll.
然後我們就捅她的淚點 Then we've just got to tweak the tear nipple.
我們怎麽實施? How do we make it happen?
可以朝她噴胡椒噴霧 Could spray her with pepper spray.
說她胖 開玩笑的 Call her fat. Kidding.
什麽把她弄哭的? 是Catherine 對吧? What is it that made her cry? It's Catherine, right?
缺席母親的刺痛 The absent mother blubber.
- 天才啊 - 對 - Genius. - Yeah.
另一方面來說 我們現在是在 畫了眼睛的牛肉旁邊密謀 所以... On the other hand, we are currently polling lower than a side of
- 好了 女士 又淡泡泡又多 好嗎? - 是的 - Okay, ma'am, light and frothy. - Yeah.
卡普奇諾政治 好嗎? 俄亥俄的三大産業是... Cappuccino politics, okay? Big three industries in Ohio...
- 橡膠 石化 農業 - 對的 好 - Rubber, petrochemical, agriculture. - Right. Okay.
- 使勁說橡膠 這是個大橡膠州 - 好的 沒問題 - Hit rubber. It's a big rubber state. - Okay. Good. Yeah.
那是什麽? 傳真件麽? 還是你1988年寫給自己的留言? What is that, a fax? Is that a message to yourself from 1988?
你看是誰在和總統打高爾夫 Look who's playing golf with the president.
Danny Chung Danny Chung.
- Chung - 閉嘴 - Chung. - Shut up.
- 那是什麽? - 別擔心 - What is that? - Don't worry about it.
Felicia 等一下 你盡管問她女兒的事 好嗎? Felicia, one second. Feel free to dive right in on the daughter, okay?
因爲我們希望你問支持率的問題 'Cause we want to hit these disapproval ratings head on.
看吧 他對我這麽說話的時候 我就覺得很緊張 See, when he says things like that to me, it makes me anxious.
我們剛知道Chung州長在和總統打高爾夫 We just found out that governor Chung is golfing with potus.
- 所以如果你想提這個話頭的話... - 好的 - So, if you want to talk about that... - All right.
非常感謝 Thank you so much.
能回俄亥俄州來真棒 It is just great to be back in the state of Ohio.
最近這幾個月你很不順吧 你的阻撓改革停滯不前 Been a rough couple of months for you, though. Your filibuster reform stalled.
綠色産業倡議也死了 Clean jobs initiative, dead in the water.
你說了很多希望帶來改變的話 You talk a lot about really wanting to be able to make change.
你還覺得自己可以改變什麽嗎? Do you still think you're gonna be able to make that happen?
當然了 是的 我爲我們目前的成就感到非常自豪 Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I'm very proud of what we've been able to achieve thus far.
- 那你感覺自己是重回遊戲了麽? - 呃 這對我來說可不是遊戲 So you feel you're back in the game? Well, it's not a game to me.
而且流言肯定也讓你很受傷 Must be very hurtful to you, too, with all the gossip going around.
到底她會下台麽? 我才知道 Is she gonna go? I just understand today
今天總統和Chung州長打高爾夫了 that the president is golfing with governor Chung.
這個消息困擾到你了嗎? Does that bother you?
總統想和誰打高爾夫都行 Well, I mean, the president can play golf with whoever he likes.
可我來這裏是因爲我有工作要做 But I'm here because I have work to do.
這是全年無休的 這是我的政治職責 It's 24/7. It's a public duty.
全年無休那就是說沒有多少時間 留給你的家人了? 24/7 doesn't leave you much time for your family,
你女兒 your daughter.
呃 這是一個讓人精疲力盡的日程 確實是這樣 Well, I mean, it's a punishing schedule, that's for sure.
我是說 你會...你會累 I mean, you get... you get tired
而且會被...被打擊 and you get knocked... knocked back.
但是... But...
你能想象嗎 Felicia Can you imagine, Felicia,
如果我累了的話 if I'm tired,
想象一下俄亥俄州的橡膠工人有多累吧 imagine how tired the rubber makers are here in Ohio.
她太牛逼了 She is magnificent.
日複一日的制作橡膠 Making rubber day in and day out.
我覺得俄亥俄就是橡膠球之州 I feel that Ohio is the rubber ball state,
如果你仔細想想的話 它永遠都會反彈回來 if you think about it. Always bouncing back.
俄亥俄公民民主黨籌款會
我不知道她到底在想什麽 I don't know what the hell she could have been thinking.
你上一次一天哭兩回是什麽時候? When was the last time you cried twice in one day?
比你想的要近多了 It was a little more recently than you'd think.
Oddjob (007中的一個反派) Oddjob.
過來 你老板他媽是搞什麽? 我看見她崩潰了 Come here. What the fuck gives with your boss? I saw the meltdown.
衆議員 我看到的是熱情和信念 Congressman, I saw passion. I saw conviction.
我看到的是他媽瘋婆子 I saw a fucking crazy lady. That's what I saw.
如果她提到我名字的話 如果我得到了支持的話 If she mentions my name, if I get the stamp of approval,
要是她點石成屎的手敢懂我一下 我就沖著你來 朋友 the midas touch from Jenny shitfinger, I'm coming for you, pal.
- 我和美利堅國會會弄死你的 - 是的 先生 Me and the congress of the United States will get your ass. Yes, sir.
去問問你的朋友Macauley 也許他能幫助你 Ask your buddy Macauley about it. Maybe he can help you.
有請副總統 The vice president.
你好! 是的 我看見你了 Hello! Yes. I see you.
看看這些人啊 Oh, wow, look at this group.
他們能在我之後活到投票的那天麽? 也許不會 Are they gonna live long enough to make it to election day, right behind me? Probably n
哈羅啊 不能投票的娃娃們 Hello, children who do not vote.
訪談的回饋很好 We're getting great media response to the interview.
- 你也收到了嗎? - 不 更好 - Are you getting this, too? - No, better.
我在這房間裏已經調查過了 很熱情 很友好 I've been polling the room. It's warm, it's friendly.
如果這在俄亥俄管用 那全國都會買賬的 If this plays in Ohio, it's gonna go national.
來吧 Amy Come on, Amy.
- Marcus - 什麽? - Marcus. - What?
我做了一個蛋糕 上面有你的臉 I made you a cake with your face on it.
不是吧? 噢! Are you kidding me? Oh!
那看起來就像是我在參議院 度過了漫長一天的樣子 That looks like me after a long day in the Senate.
- 我想她就捐了50塊 - 我得走了 I think she's only paid 50 bucks. I have to go.
- 副總統女士 - 什麽? - Madam Vice President. - Yes?
我要給你介紹一位真正的白金捐贈者 I'd like to introduce you to one of our actual platinum donors.
我有一些關于稅改的想法想和你聊聊 I have some great ideas about tax reform I want to talk to you about.
- 我很想聽 - 呃 這世上有兩種人 - I want to hear them. - Well, there's two types of people.
- 啊哈 - 對吧? 有一種是抓取者 - Uh-huh. - Okay? You got grabbers.
然後是另一種 我沒有給他們取名字 他們不抓東西 And then you have the other kind. I don't have a name for that. The ones who don
抓取者 好吧 他們抓住世界的蛋蛋 好嗎? - The grabbers, right, - they take the world by the scrotum, okay? - Oh.
- 而他們讓事件發生 - 這個口味太重了 - And they make it happen. - This is just riveting stuff.
- 噢 對不起 對不起 - 什麽? - Oh, I'm so sorry. So sorry. - Yes?
我不知道要說什麽 所以我就只好對你耳語了 I don't know what to say, so I'm just whispering instead.
我這裏有... Oh, I have the...
- 中東的問題 - 你一會兒再說吧 - Middle east. - You can talk later.
- 我們還有一晚上呢 - 很感激 你好 - We have all night. - I appreciate that. Hello. Uh-huh.
我只是想離這幫二貨遠遠的 找個安靜的角落自己吃東西 好嗎? I just want to eat in a quiet corner away from these bozos, okay?
這就是抓取者的精髓 And that's the essence of a grabber.
- 對吧? - 嗯哼 - Okay? - Mm-hmm.
你以爲就憑我射在牆上的這些錢 You'd think with all the money I'm jerking up the wall here,
我吃得會比夾心雞胸肉強 I'd get more than a stuffed chicken breast.
就是 我告訴你吧 這些承包夥食的啊... Right, well, you know, I've got to tell you, these caterers, they've got...
我捐了3萬塊 就換了一塊雞胸肉 I gave 30,000 bucks, I get a chicken breast.
那個人連500塊也沒捐 他也得了一塊雞胸肉 That guy didn't give 500 bucks, he's got a chicken breast.
- 那我得的是什麽 餡料麽? - 嗯哼 - What do I get, stuffing? - Mm-hmm.
- 好吧 - 給我來個雞腿什麽的啊 - Okay. - Throw me a drumstick or something.
- Larry - 你好啊 - Larry. - Hey.
- 真高興見到你 - 爲啥 你惹上官司了? - It's good to see you. - Why, you need a lawyer?
好吧 聽著是這麽回事兒 All right, look. Listen.
我可能惹上了點兒麻煩 I may have gotten involved in a little something.
要是我被國會委員會質詢了怎麽辦 What happens if I get called in before a congressional committee?
這樣的話 你需要准備三個說辭 Okay, you need three versions of your statement.
類似我自己的版本 對方的版本 還有真實版本是吧? Uh-huh, like what I say happened, what they say happened, and the truth?
沒錯吧? Right?
書面的 口頭的 和一份簡短的口頭版本 A written, an oral, and a shorter oral
- 有的時候會有時間限制 - 好吧 - in case of a time limit. - Right.
國會委員會問問題你當然得說真話 Dan Yeah, you want to tell a congressional committee the truth, Dan.
出點兒什麽差錯 你就會因作僞證被起訴 Anything out of line, you're looking at a perjury charge.
- 奶奶的! - 別給自己惹麻煩 聽見沒? Fuck! Don't call attention to yourself, all right?
就低調點兒小心行事 Just lay low, keep your head down.
好吧 那如果真的發生了 All right, now let's say this does actually happen
我被叫去質詢 那是個什麽情況啊 and I get called in, what's it like up there?
你想像一下做夢夢見橄榄球隊教練沖你發飙 You know those dreams where your football coach is screaming at you,
你就低著頭 還穿的跟秀蘭鄧波爾似的 接下來就被打得就滿地找牙了 想象得出不 you look down, you're dressed like Shirl
這個跟國會委員會比起來 簡直是夢幻迪士尼 That's like a Disney version of a congressional committee.
你會經曆各類問題 可能是溫和的 也可能是嚴厲的拷問 You're gonna get hometown, downtown questions.
甚至遭到黨派攻擊 因爲有人一定會嘩衆取寵 You'll catch partisan shit. There's gonna be grandstanding.
然後一旦他們嘗到了甜頭 他們就會覺得你不行了 然後大肆攻擊 And if they smell blood, if they think you're going down and t
你搞不好還會被鞭屍 you might get what we call corpse fucking.
老天爺啊 鞭屍? Jesus. Corpse fucking?
就是就算你已經倒了 他們還會喋喋不休地攻擊你 並且樂在其中 That's what it's called where they take your mortal remains a
因爲人人都想上電視 懂不? 'Cause everybody wants to be the guy getting the TV sound bite, okay?
他們會一直談論你 And they're gonna be talking about you.
- 懂了 - 好的 - Yeah. - Yeah.
謝謝你們 Thank you so much.
衷心感謝大家 各位晚上好 Thank you so, so, very, very much. Good evening, everyone.
- 你幹嘛呢? - 先生 這個流淚戲碼大家很買賬啊 What are you doing? Sir, this crying is tracking pretty well.
你說啥? What?
- 哎呀媽啊 - 沒錯 - Oh, shit. - Yeah, it's good.
- 這下大洗牌了 - 她是一位你們都十分熟悉的人 Okay, that changes everything. She's someone I know you know very well.
- 快過來 - 放松點兒 行不? - Hey, come here. - Relax, okay?
我跟她談過了 你們也談過了 她不可能背書支持你的 I spoke to her. You spoke to her. She's not gonna fucking endorse.
不 不 不 她必須現在就背書 No, no, no. We want her to endorse now.
聽懂沒? 她已經從人人嫌變成人人愛了 Okay? She's gone from toxic to turn-on.
反正就等我們一點頭 你就跟她放話 聽懂沒 So just... when we give you the nod, give her the signal, all right?
你倆現在搞得我胃灼熱了都 You guys are burning a fucking hole through my stomach.
我花了一下午時間按照你倆意思來 I just spent all afternoon fixing this for you.
- 結果現在可又不玩兒了? - 你頭一回遇到麽? - Now you want me to unfix it? - Is this your first day in the game?
我看他好像快說完了... I think he's wrapping up, so...
- 好吧 - 你感覺如何? - Okay. - How you feeling?
這樣啊 我是個政治上的麻風病人 情感上的定時炸彈 Well, I'm a political leper, and I'm an emotional time bomb.
所以你猜怎麽著... 咱上台吧 So here's an idea... let's put me onstage.
Selina Meyer Selina Meyer.
女士們先生們 謝謝各位 Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.
太美妙了 謝謝各位 So wonderful. Thank you.
請入座 謝謝各位 這是我... Please be seated. Thank you so much. It is my very...
快點兒 你等啥呢? 快點兒給信號 Come on, what are you waiting for? Give her the signal.
啥信號啊? 哪有什麽國際通用的信號 能表達'快背書'的意思? What the fuck is the signal? There's no international signal to e
你他媽動點兒腦子啊 豎個大拇指啥的 Use your fucking head. Give her a thumbs up or something.
我的天啊 今天真是非比尋常 不是嗎? Oh, my goodness. Well, this has been quite the day, hasn't it?
我們愛你 We love you!
- 謝謝你們 - 她可不能一天哭三回 Thank you very much. She can't cry three times in a day.
- 三振就出局了 - 她的淚腺有多發達啊? That's three strikes and you're out. How big are her tear ducts?
- 跟他媽潮汐似的一陣一陣的湧 - 在這樣開心的場合... It's like they're fucking tidal. Such a happy occasion, and...
老天爺啊 我去 別背書了 Jesus Christ. Fuck it, don't endorse.
我非常榮幸能來到聯邦第17個州 I'm so glad to be here in the 17th state of the union.
我的祖父來自辛辛那提 My grandfather, he was from Cincinnati, as a matter of fact.
我家過去常說這麽一句話 We used to have a saying in our family.
我們常說不喜歡自己的 We used to say we're awfully embarrassed
犬牙形象 by our buckteeth.
但是來自俄亥俄州 我自豪 But we were mighty proud of our buckeyes.
好了 背書 快背書 Okay, endorse. Endorse. Endorse.
- 你確定? - 背書 快點兒 - You're sure? - Endorse. Yes.
我... I, um...
仍然想念我的祖父 I still miss my grandpa.
幹嘛呢 大力水手? What is that, Popeye?
- 不是 讓她堅強起來 - 他太了不起了 - No, be strong. - He was the best.
他... 他無比堅強 He was... he was such a strong man
因爲他來自一個偉大的州 from a great state.
我來這裏 I've come here today
是爲了支持 to give my 100% support
Roger Furlong衆議員 to congressman Roger Furlong
成爲下一任 to be the next, the best,
俄亥俄州州長 governor of Ohio.
什麽情況這是? What the hell just happened?
跟你共襄盛舉真是榮幸啊 So great to be part of your feel-good moment.
你個下作的混蛋 You're a dirty little prick.
天啊 真心謝謝你 Oh, boy. Thank you so much.
- 那是必須 - 天啊 - Absolutely. - Oh, boy.
- 別忘了你的兒童增高椅 - 那就別占著 Don't forget your booster seat. Oh, shove it up your ass.
- 謝謝你 - 好的 - Thanks so much. - Okay.
- 那個會讀唇語的記者沒來吧? - 沒有 Hey, that photographer who reads lips, - he's not here, is he? - Mm-mmm.
沒來啊 這下放心了 No. That's a blessing.
你看"芝加哥先驅論壇報"沒? Did you see the "Chicago Tribune"?
哦 好極了 我從來沒這麽喜歡看報紙過 Oh, this is so great. I've never enjoyed reading this much.
知道麽 我媽說Selina看起來 閃耀著脆弱的人性光芒 You know, my mom said that Selina looked human and vulnerable.
- 好啊 - 這可不是贊美 - Great. - Not a compliment.
她認爲脆弱是人性的弱點 She sees human vulnerability as a weakness.
- 我喜歡你媽 - 說的可是我媽啊 Dan - I like your mom. - Don't talk about my mother, Dan.
- 早! - 你看"芝加哥先驅論壇報"沒? - Good morning! - Did you see the "Chicago Tribune"?
是啊 跟橡膠上帝似的 Yeah, you are. Like rubber Jesus.
Dan 快過來跟我握握手啊 And, Dan, get over here and shake my hand.
- 幹得多漂亮啊 - 我很榮幸 - What a great job you did. - My pleasure.
說真的 讓我支持Furlong 大家還不掌聲鼓勵一下? Seriously, getting me to endorse Furlong. How about that round of applause?
快點兒啊 大家鼓掌 Come on, guys. Give it up for him.
真棒 Absolutely great.
- 你知道這些人裏沒一個真心喜歡你的吧 - 誰會在乎啊? You know none of these people generally like you. So fucking what?
大家好 哎呀這麽隆重! Hey, everyone. Oh, hey!
是呀 也是時候了 謝謝 Hey, it's about time. Thank you.
你好 Mike Hey, Mike.
總統先生對事態的新發展很滿意 Potus is so excited about this new narrative.
我設法讓Selina在電視上哭出來了 I engineered Selina crying on camera.
我就是木偶大師 匹諾曹 I'm the puppet master. I'm Pinocchio.
匹諾曹不是大師 Mike 他就是個木偶 Pinocchio wasn't the puppet master, Mike. He was the puppet.
- 哦對 - 五歲娃娃都知道 - Uh, yeah, he was. - Five-year-olds get that.
Jonah 男士俱樂部有啥指示? Jonah, do you come bearing news from the gentleman's club?
我是來表達總統的支持的 I come bearing a message of support from the president.
- 總統先生打電話了 - Sue 他打了麽? - Oh. - As you know, he called. Sue, did the president call?
- 沒有 - 哎呦 - No. - Huh.
這樣的 不是真正意義上的電話 Well, it wasn't an actual call.
- 是讓我來傳達一個電話的意思 - 嗯 - I am here in lieu of that call. - Uh-huh.
- 他跟我... - 我有一個重大消息要宣布 - But he and we are... - I have a very big announcement to make.
請大家跟我進辦公室 I'd like everyone to follow me into my office, please.
這邊請 嗯 我是想進行一項改組 This-a-way. Okay, so I am about to announce a certain realignment.
Mike 真遺憾呐 Oh, Mike. I am sorry for your loss.
Dan 你升職了 Dan, you're getting a promotion.
- 太謝謝你了 - 不用客氣 - Thank you so much. - You're welcome.
我剛簽了份租車合同 如果我能再多呆半年... I just signed for an auto lease. If I could get six months...
以後我每天的對外反駁都由你來負責好嗎 I want you to be in charge of day-to-day rebuttal for me, all right?
政策和公共演講方面以後由你負責 You'll be the new director of policy and presentation.
謝謝你 這就是我畢生所求啊 Thank you, ma'am. This is all I've ever wanted.
- 這是我畢生不屑的 - 他現在成我上司了? This is all I've never wanted. Is he... is Dan my boss now?
我能評論一句不 這太精彩了? Can I just say that this is really exciting to watch?
我想我有活兒要幹了 I guess I've got some business to attend to.
- 啥活兒啊? - 你不需要知道Mike 這種信息不對你開放 - What business? - That's a need-to-know basis, Mike, and you don't have the
真好笑 真的假的? Funny. Is that true?
真可悲 你就跟公園裏快被結果的大熊貓一樣啊 This is sad. You're like an old panda that's gonna get put down at the zoo.
- 還能阖家觀賞呢 - 滾蛋 - They bring kids in to watch that. - Fuck off.
我猜我安全吧 I'm assuming I'm safe.
Amy 你爲了我假裝流産 你仍然是我隊伍中不可或缺的一員 Amy, you pretended to have a miscarriage for me. You remain crucial to m
聽好了 姑娘小夥兒 我升職了 All right, boys and girls, I got a promotion.
第一件事就是先發一份媒體聲明 So first order of business is to issue a press release,
內容我已經寫好了 which I already have written.
Colette 給你個機會 在我的文件夾第一段裏 Colette, if you would do the honors. In the me file under phase one.
好了 你倆搬這張桌子 Okay, and you and you, I need you to move this desk.
動作快 別給我擺一張苦逼孤兒臉 Let's go. Don't give me that sad orphan face.
把你的零食袋子和你的水瓶子帶好 趕緊滾出來 Take your little snack pack and your water bottle and get the fuck out.
- 聽著 Dan - 咋了? - Hey, Dan. - Yes?
恭喜升職了 咱倆有空喝一杯去 Congrats on the big promotion. You and I should grab another drink.
你猜怎麽的? 跟我秘書Mike說一聲 You know what? Run it by my secretary. His name is Mike.
不行不行 你得搬回去 No, no, no, you've got to move that back.
我可不准你盯著我一整天 I'm not gonna have you eyeballing me all day.
- 不准他搬到那兒去 - 放松點兒 牛眼娃 - That's not gonna go there. - Relax, cow eyes.
我才不會坐在這兒 I'm not gonna be sitting here looking at your...
一直盯著你的牛眼看呢 凳子放這兒 cow eyes the whole time. Guys, seat goes right here.
- 糟了 - 咋了?咋了? 啥事兒? - Shit, shit. - What? What? What?
推特上的新聞 副總統火了 Twitter eruption. Veep's trending.
- Amy 什麽情況? - 你火了 夫人 - Amy, what's going on? - Um, you're trending, ma'am.
我也在推特上 但是他老讓我重新申請賬號 I'm on Twitter, but it wants me to create a new account.
- 我不知道咋申請 - 申就是了 - I don't know how to do that. - Well, then do that.
Amy 怎麽了? 怎麽回事兒Amy? Amy, what the fuck? What is it, Amy?
俄亥俄的一個記者Felicia This is the reporter from Ohio, Felicia.
等會兒 等會兒 我知道了 Wait, wait. No, I got it.
"被副總統的團隊耍的團團轉 她們讓我想辦法逼她哭出來 " "Got played by team veep. They wanted me to make her cry. "
井號鍵愛哭又虛僞的副總統 這他麽怎麽回事兒? Hashtag FakeVeepWeep. What the fuck?
- 啥? 誰想讓我哭? - Mike讓你哭出來的 What? Who wanted to make me cry? Mike engineered your crying, ma'am.
他說他是你的木偶大師 He said that he was your puppet master.
他說他是你的匹諾曹 但我猜他要說的是蓋比特 那才是木偶師傅 Actually, he said he was your Pinocchio, but I think he meant G
Mike設法讓你在鏡頭前面哭的 Mike got you to cry on camera.
- 搞什麽 Mike? - 搞什麽Mike? - What the fuck, Mike? - What the fuck, Mike?
Amy去我辦公室 Mike特別是你 Amy, get into my office. Mike, especially you.
進我辦公室 好的 Go into my office. Okay.
老天啊 看這位的塊頭 Holy Christ. Look at the size of this one.
哥們兒我猜你跟我這位同性戀小矮人兒差不多高 Buddy, I think you're as big as my gay dwarf.
我現在要見副總統 I need to see the vice president now.
抱歉我不在這兒工作 我確實在爲西部工作... Sorry, I don't work here. I do work in the West...
那趕緊閃開啊 你這哪兒的斜塔... Well, then get the hell out of my way, you leaning tower of...
- 比薩斜塔 - 不是 - Pisa. - No.
- 粑粑斜塔? - 沒錯 - Shit? - Good.
- 趕緊的 - 好的先生 - Move it. - Yes, sir.
小心肝兒 我要見副總統 Hey, sweet cakes. I need to get in to see the veep.
議員 你再這麽叫我一次 我就送你去急診室 Congressman, if you call me that again, you'll need to see a paramedic.
- 交給你了 - 等會兒 等會兒! - Take care of that. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- 混蛋 你在幹嘛? - 你以爲我是個愛哭鬼麽? - Big bully, what are you doing? - You think I'm a crybaby?
抱歉叨擾 副總統女士 Sorry to barge in, Madam Vice President.
是麽 Larry 聽著 Furlong在我辦公室裏 Yeah, Larry, listen. Furlong is in the office.
別跟Furlong說話 你要保持低調 Don't talk to Furlong. You need to keep a low profile.
我剛發了一份媒體聲明說我升職了 I just issued a press release announcing my promotion.
再見吧 Dan Bye, Dan.
說實話 女士 我很生氣 Wil 跟她解釋一下 Frankly, ma'am, I'm angry. Will, tell her why.
媒體說你刻意演哭戲爲的是掩蓋 The press claims that you intentionally cried in order to divert attention away from the fact
我們強迫群衆參與募捐會這個事實 that we had to bus people into the fundraiser.
現在我不想被你這些謊言牽連 And now I'm being implicated in your disgusting little lies,
而且說句實在的 我可不願意蹚你這渾水 and, actually, I don't feel like being dragged into the toilet with you, ma'am.
首先 議員先生 我已經受夠你這些屁話了 Number one, congressman, I'm sick of taking your shit, okay?
其次 第一條再次強調一遍 Number two, number one again.
哭是演出來的 我是被操縱的 The crying was manipulated, ma'am. I was manipulated.
這個會議也該截止了 因爲這壓根兒就不應該被提上日程 And this meeting is now terminated because this was never a meeting to ev
你該走了 要不我不客氣了 You're gonna need to leave 'cause I'm not really aware of where my actions will take me, okay?
你幹嘛? 用內褲勒死我? What are you gonna do? You gonna choke me with some spanx?
你想試試? Do you want to try me?
你包裏有口氣清新劑沒? 走吧 You got breath mints in that bag? Let's go.
你眉心有個紅點啊 Danno Oh, you got a nice big red dot in the middle of your forehead, Danno.
- 你被瞄上了我告訴你 - 你說啥? - And it ain't a fucking bindi. - Excuse me?
你最好裝備起來 牛仔 因爲我要對這間辦公室 展開國會調查聽證 You'd better saddle up, cowgirl, 'cause I'm gonna ride this
- 聽證項目是Macauley修正案和縱容下屬腐敗 - 放輕松好不 over the Macauley amendment and the attendant corruption. Just relax.
我覺得你應該去整一個頭盔 I think you might want to get yourself a helmet, okay.
再加上個防彈背心和下體鐵護身 And a bulletproof vest and an iron jockstrap.
因爲我會找人爆你頭 捅你背 讓你蛋碎 'Cause you're gonna get your head shot, your back stabbed, and your nuts danced on.
周一愉快 Have a good Monday.
再見 Sue Bye, Sue.
你暫時別升職了 All right, you're gonna need to stay in your former position.
好麽? 保持低調 Okay? Keep a low profile.
瞧好了 Dan 爽! In your face, Dan. Mmm!
- 我貌似已經發了一條新聞稿 關于我升職的 - 真的假的? Um, ma'am, I may have already issued a press release - regarding my prom
那我能把你撤了不? 恐怕不行 Well, can I unpromote you? I don't think so.
- 他又成了我上司了? - 頭銜上是? 但你比他資深 Is he my boss again? Only in title, all right? You're still senior to him.
- 瞧好吧 - 夠了?拜托 Mike - In your fucking face. - Stop it, okay? Please, Mike.
Dan 喝酒的事兒 再說了哈? Hey, Dan, I'm gonna take a rain check on that beer, okay?
我滴神啊 這麽著 Oh, my God in heaven. So, let's see.
我剛提的負責反駁的人選 The guy that I have just put in charge of rebutting
現在負責就Macauley修正案問題進行反駁 is now in charge of rebutting questions over the Macauley amendment,
如今看來是最不合適的人選 which is the very thing he should be nowhere near rebutting.
- 對吧? - 我跟你提醒過的 夫人 - Right? - I did warn you about him, ma'am.
好了 出去吧 Amy 快滾出去 Okay, get out, Amy. Get out of my office.
看見沒 現在... 我真的要哭了 See, now... now I want to cry.
可欲哭無淚啊 But I can't cry.
- 能給我杯茶不? - 好的 - Can I get you a cup of tea? Okay. - Yeah.
你懂不懂 這工作折磨死我了 You know, I mean, this job has fucked me up so bad.
我現在他媽連哭都哭不出來 Now I don't fucking know if I can cry anymore.
我可不擔心這個 夫人 I wouldn't worry about it, ma'am.
我是說 你只用幹四年 所以... I mean, you've only got four years of this, so...
恐怕得8年 萬一咱連任了呢 Eight years, I guess, if we got reelected, obviously.
要競選總統的話就是12年 12 if you run for president.
16年 總統再連任 16, two-term.
你想想 So think about that.
Egan 好吧? Dan Egan Egan, all right? Dan Egan.
大寫Dan 然後他媽的聽清了 Egan That's Dan with a capital D and Egan with an open your fucking ears.
沒錯 耳朵的那個E Yes, E as in ears.
好 我等著 Yeah, I'll hold.
Dan走人了以後把那桌子搬回來 成不? When Dan goes home, I want that desk back here, okay?
不行 她很忙 明天也沒空 No, she's busy. And tomorrow.
後天也不行 Well, that's tomorrow in the plural.
哪天都不行 All of them.