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♪ Two... two, three... ♪
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people, as company bureaucrat,
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I will today be conducting
the annual performance review.
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With a twist.
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Oh, no.
The firing tie.
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Correct. I will be evaluating
each of you,
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and the lowest-rated employee,
possibly Zoidberg,
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will be fired at sundown.
Zoidberg.
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Classic Hermes.
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Let the interviews begin.
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Good luck,
everybody but Zoidberg.
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My primary duties?
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Well, I assist the Professor
in whatever important research
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he happens to be engaged in.
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Uh, yes, sir, I will be sure
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to snore that science lamp
right away.
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Now, Leela,
couldn't we just fire you
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and have Fry or Bender
fly the ship?
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Not if you stand on their
air hose much longer.
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Noted.
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My job?
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Toilets 'n' boilers,
boilers 'n' toilets.
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Plus that one boiling toilet.
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Fire me iffen you dare.
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Now, then, while many
of you do half-ass jobs
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and the rest do jobs
whose ass ratio ranges
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from 42% to a mere 11%,
only the most
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pathetically useless employee
will be fired today.
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And that employee is...
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Hermes Conrad.
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What?! No way! Hermes, no!
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Yes. My performance review
proves the main drag
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on our profit is the time
I waste on performance reviews.
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But you can't fire yourself now.
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We were just getting
to know each other.
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I've already notified
the central bureaucracy.
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They'll be here two seconds ago.
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I suppose you're here
to tell me to pack it in?
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Only if you buy me
dinner first.
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I'm being fired.
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I don't think it's appropriate
to joke around like that.
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the machine who's replacing you.
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I'm mark 7-G, the machine
who's replacing you.
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Will you be
conducting an exit interview?
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Well, I wouldn't say no
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to a little
friendly debriefing.
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Bureaucrat Conrad,
you are ordered
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to relieve yourself of duty.
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Sounds like a party.
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Good-bye.
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Well, this is it.
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But I want you
to know working here
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has been the experience
of a lifetime.
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Off you go.
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So, I hear you're a machine...
ow! Traitor!
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My friend's ample tuchus
is barely out the door,
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and you're already schmoozing
up to his replacement?
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Um, Zoidberg?
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I don't think Hermes
really liked you.
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In fact, he hated you more
than anyone ever hated anyone.
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What, you mean the remarks
and the hits?
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That was just friend teasing.
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Oy.
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You don't understand.
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He was the only one
who cared enough to insult me.
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I insult you, you fat sack.
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Sure, when it's convenient.
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But Hermes
was always there for me.
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And now he's gone,
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thanks to you,
Mr. bigshot 7-G.
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I'll never see Hermes again.
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On the bright side,
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I'll never see Zoidberg again.
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Aw, there, there, husband.
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I made your favorite,
curried goat.
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It better be spicy.
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Well played.
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Ows.
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Ah. Fire.
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Aah! It burns! It burns!
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Hmm, not bad.
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Needs a little hot sauce.
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I just don't know
how we'll get by.
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Then I guess this
wouldn't be a good time
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to tell you that I'm pregnant.
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What?!
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And you're not the father. No!
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I'm just joking, husband.
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See now? Things don't seem
so bad any more, do they?
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You're right.
Thank you, Labarbara.
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Oh, also, I wrecked the car.
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This here is a mugging!
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Hand over your skin.
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My ebony splendor?
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Me don't think so.
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I said hand it over.
I'm hungry!
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Ha-haw! Ha-haw!
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For God's sake, woman,
just give him your skin!
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Can't you see he's crazy?!
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You calling me cra... zy?!
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Ain't nothing crazy about me
but my brain.
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Right, brain?
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Right!
No, not you, right brain.
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Right, left brain?
Right!
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Okay, then. Ha-haw!
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Do something, Hermes.
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I can't!
When I fight machinery,
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machinery always wins!
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Officer:
Freeze, bagwad.
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You're under arrest for
attempted epidermicide.
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I'm coming for you, man.
Ain't no jail can hold me.
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That's why
you're going straight
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to the electromagnetic chair.
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And then I'm-a stab it.
Ha-haw!
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S-s-stop!
It's driving me sane!
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Hey, Bender,
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you should become
an executioner.
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You could kill humans
and wear a cool hood.
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Nah, I like my victims to
know who did it. Psst!
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Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent
to see you.
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We need to
talk... alone.
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Okay, Hermes. Sure.
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Fry, could you come in here
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and help me rub on this
new scented body oil?
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In a second.
I'm eavesdropping.
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Please, Fry?
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Leela punishes me
when I don't use enough.
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I said not now!
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Sure, I know a guy.
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Yuri here runs
the most sanitary
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surgical implant parlor
in Filthytown.
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So, I hear you're an expert in
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the shadowy field
of "body augmentation".
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I am expert in shadowy field
of many things.
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I need something that'll make me
less inferior
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to today's modern machinery.
Can you help me?
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No problem.
I prepare operating room.
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Hermes:
Oh, honey, I'm home!
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Pops?!
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Is that a harpoon
in your chest?
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Yes. And I'm happy to see you.
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Mmm...
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And the best part is,
the whole package fits neatly
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in the space
where my giblets used to be.
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I'm kind of a harpoon snob,
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and let me say,
that thing is gorgeous.
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But do you really need
chest artillery?
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It's not just a weapon.
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It's the bureaucrat's
best friend. Observe.
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Oh, mark 7-g?
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Would you mind
fetching that carton
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from the top shelf?
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Pitiful and sickening.
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Okay, little man,
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let a professional bureaucrat
show you how it's done.
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My best wasn't good enough.
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I'll need my personnel
file, please.
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Welcome back, old friend.
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I missed you terribly.
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You do everything terribly.
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And I'm not your friend.
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Good old Hermes.
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When he stops insulting,
that's when I worry.
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Oh, dear!
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I was leaning over the sink
eating pureed clams
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when my teeth fell
in the disposal.
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Scruffy, could you
retrieve them?
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'Taint a boiler
nor a toilet. Pass.
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I'll fetch my hand tools.
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Hand tools? Why don't you get an
extendo-arm implant, like mine?
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Oh, no.
No more implants.
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I don't want to end up a cold,
emotionless machine like you.
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That's sweet, Hermes.
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Maybe I should get
an extendo-arm.
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How long will it take to
install an extendo-arm?
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I have golf game in half-hour,
so... half-hour.
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Thank you, Hermes.
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I don't know.
It seems like a lot of trouble
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to cut off your arm
just to snake a drain.
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Ah-ah-ah, it's not
just a drain snake.
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It comes with a set
of interchangeable accessories.
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Jackhammer...
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Vegetable peeler...
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Pipe-bending jig.
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A machine that can bend?
No way.
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But, Hermes, old friend,
didn't you say
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you were through
with the implants?
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Oh, don't be such a spoilsport.
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Such a mild insult.
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That's not my Hermes.
Speaking of...
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What happened to your
cutoff body parts anyhow?
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Right here.
195
00:10:06,553 --> 00:10:08,754
I was going to donate them
to the salvation air force,
196
00:10:08,822 --> 00:10:10,289
but they're starting to rot.
197
00:10:10,357 --> 00:10:11,991
Then I'll just take
them and, uh,
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throw them away,
shall I why not?
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Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo,
whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo! Nyah-ah-ah.
200
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So, friend, welcome to my home.
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I'm very proud of it.
202
00:10:26,173 --> 00:10:28,474
But I want to hear
what you think.
203
00:10:28,541 --> 00:10:32,478
"Oh, mon, I'm Hermes,
and I think it stinks in here
204
00:10:32,545 --> 00:10:35,414
like a green snake, or
something else that's Jamaican."
205
00:10:35,482 --> 00:10:39,151
Good one at my expense, Hermes.
206
00:10:41,921 --> 00:10:46,192
Mmm, well, I must
admit it's not bad.
207
00:10:46,259 --> 00:10:48,294
And it will cut
two or three hours a day
208
00:10:48,362 --> 00:10:49,661
off my cornrowing routine.
209
00:10:49,729 --> 00:10:53,032
Yes, our lives
will never be the same.
210
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:54,367
Darn it!
211
00:10:54,434 --> 00:10:55,868
I'll be right back.
212
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,773
Ooh!
213
00:11:01,841 --> 00:11:03,675
Hermes, oh, you foolish man,
214
00:11:03,743 --> 00:11:06,012
what do you need
a cylon eye for?
215
00:11:06,079 --> 00:11:08,014
Now, calm down, dear.
216
00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:11,783
You know, you look
even hotter in infrared.
217
00:11:17,224 --> 00:11:18,824
Aah!
218
00:11:18,892 --> 00:11:21,827
Husband, some things were
not meant to be cylonned.
219
00:11:21,895 --> 00:11:23,329
Now, you must promise me
220
00:11:23,397 --> 00:11:25,697
you won't be getting
any more upgrades.
221
00:11:25,765 --> 00:11:27,166
I promise.
222
00:11:33,773 --> 00:11:34,973
Wow.
223
00:11:42,082 --> 00:11:44,550
Nice, shiny metal ass, Hermes.
224
00:11:46,986 --> 00:11:48,921
So, with all these implants,
what exactly
225
00:11:48,988 --> 00:11:51,490
is the difference
between you and a robot?
226
00:11:51,558 --> 00:11:54,427
I still have one thing no
robot shall ever have...
227
00:11:54,494 --> 00:11:57,663
a good old flesh-and-
blood human brain.
228
00:11:57,730 --> 00:11:59,932
Yes, a big, smart brain.
229
00:11:59,999 --> 00:12:03,202
Not like dum-dum Zoidberg,
right, Hermes? Right?
230
00:12:03,270 --> 00:12:06,605
Mecha-Hermes has no interest
in such nonsense.
231
00:12:10,277 --> 00:12:15,381
Uh, Mr. Conrad, did you remember
to save the trimmings for me?
232
00:12:15,449 --> 00:12:17,283
Yes, yes, doctor.
Right here.
233
00:12:21,188 --> 00:12:24,756
Wait. You're not eating my
discarded flesh, are you?
234
00:12:24,824 --> 00:12:27,093
How could you even
ask such a thing?
235
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,362
Of course, I tried eating you,
but your flesh was too spicy.
236
00:12:30,430 --> 00:12:33,099
Thanks to years of Labarbara's
curried goat, no doubt.
237
00:12:33,166 --> 00:12:36,068
But my mecha-stomach
has no need of goat.
238
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Mecha-Hermes has spoken!
239
00:12:38,871 --> 00:12:40,406
Mecha-Hermes still
wants to know
240
00:12:40,474 --> 00:12:42,208
what you're doing
with his pieces.
241
00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:45,111
Something wonderful.
242
00:12:46,446 --> 00:12:47,713
Florp:
Give it way up
243
00:12:47,780 --> 00:12:50,216
for Dr. Zoidberg
and little Hermes.
244
00:12:51,718 --> 00:12:53,051
Hello. Hello.
245
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:56,722
So, little Hermes,
246
00:12:56,789 --> 00:12:59,291
did you hear
I've taken up running?
247
00:12:59,359 --> 00:13:01,227
"Yeah, from restaurant
to restaurant.
248
00:13:01,294 --> 00:13:02,628
Ho ho, mon."
249
00:13:06,199 --> 00:13:08,501
"Seriously, though,
have you lost weight?"
250
00:13:08,568 --> 00:13:09,801
Yes.
251
00:13:09,869 --> 00:13:11,670
"Looks like you found it again."
252
00:13:14,341 --> 00:13:15,741
Oh, boy.
253
00:13:15,808 --> 00:13:17,743
That was quite a zinger,
old friend.
254
00:13:17,810 --> 00:13:19,478
"I'm not your friend.
255
00:13:19,546 --> 00:13:22,148
I'm out of here the second
you let go of my bowels."
256
00:13:23,483 --> 00:13:25,584
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
257
00:13:25,652 --> 00:13:27,119
I'll be here all week.
258
00:13:27,187 --> 00:13:29,421
"You've been warned, people."
259
00:13:29,489 --> 00:13:31,023
He's good.
260
00:13:31,090 --> 00:13:33,959
I can only see one of his
four mouth-tendrils moving.
261
00:13:34,027 --> 00:13:36,928
So, Mr. Conrad, did
you enjoy the show?
262
00:13:36,996 --> 00:13:38,430
Alas, no.
263
00:13:38,498 --> 00:13:41,433
Seeing what I once was
filled me with regret.
264
00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:44,002
You could always
undo your implants.
265
00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:46,505
Regret that I still
have one human part.
266
00:13:46,573 --> 00:13:48,974
That meat puppet disgusts me.
267
00:13:49,042 --> 00:13:51,943
It's time for
the ultimate upgrade.
268
00:13:52,011 --> 00:13:54,780
But the only thing you
haven't upgraded is your brain.
269
00:13:54,847 --> 00:13:56,215
Exactly.
270
00:13:58,418 --> 00:14:00,986
Oops.
271
00:14:01,054 --> 00:14:03,489
Robot brain implant? Never.
272
00:14:03,557 --> 00:14:06,058
No one in right mind
would do that.
273
00:14:18,605 --> 00:14:21,073
Ah, a freshly dug robot grave.
274
00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:23,409
Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom.
275
00:14:23,476 --> 00:14:25,177
Step aside.
276
00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:33,051
Bing-reka!
277
00:14:33,119 --> 00:14:34,587
The brain circuit.
278
00:14:34,654 --> 00:14:35,854
Come, fellows.
279
00:14:35,922 --> 00:14:37,523
Let's go home and install it.
280
00:14:37,591 --> 00:14:39,525
Enjoy eternity
without your brain,
281
00:14:39,593 --> 00:14:41,193
anonymous dead robot.
282
00:14:54,764 --> 00:14:59,033
So, little Hermes, are you ready
to watch some brain surgery?
283
00:14:59,101 --> 00:15:02,337
"I'm ready to shoot myself
if it'll get me off your lap."
284
00:15:04,340 --> 00:15:05,940
Open the dome
285
00:15:06,008 --> 00:15:09,177
and unleash the power
of the heavens!
286
00:15:22,491 --> 00:15:25,092
Ah, now I can see
what I'm doing.
287
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,429
Commence the operation!
288
00:15:27,496 --> 00:15:29,897
Labarbara:
Terminate the operation.
289
00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:31,566
Labarbara? Dwight?
290
00:15:31,634 --> 00:15:34,469
I just got an urgent text
from little Hermes.
291
00:15:34,537 --> 00:15:36,204
You can't do this thing.
292
00:15:36,271 --> 00:15:38,406
You don't even know
whose brain that is.
293
00:15:38,474 --> 00:15:39,641
It doesn't matter.
294
00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:41,543
Any robot brain
will improve my fitness
295
00:15:41,610 --> 00:15:43,077
as a husband and father.
296
00:15:43,145 --> 00:15:45,112
You can't be a
husband and father
297
00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:47,449
if you don't have
a wife and son.
298
00:15:47,516 --> 00:15:49,116
Wait.
299
00:15:49,184 --> 00:15:51,619
I care about you
too much to lose you.
300
00:15:51,687 --> 00:15:54,322
But my new robot brain won't.
301
00:15:54,390 --> 00:15:57,091
Commence the operation.
302
00:15:57,159 --> 00:15:58,593
Well you'll have to commence it
303
00:15:58,661 --> 00:15:59,828
without me, Hermes.
304
00:15:59,895 --> 00:16:01,796
And commence living without me.
305
00:16:01,864 --> 00:16:04,766
Because I will commence
divorce proceedings.
306
00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:07,635
Oh, I hope to God
I'm using that word correctly.
307
00:16:10,873 --> 00:16:13,341
Oh, I can't do this, Hermes.
308
00:16:13,409 --> 00:16:15,810
Your wife's moving plea
has made me realize
309
00:16:15,878 --> 00:16:18,446
you might have
litigious survivors.
310
00:16:18,514 --> 00:16:20,014
Oh, thank you, Professor.
311
00:16:20,082 --> 00:16:22,283
Come now. Let's go try
that Korean noodle place
312
00:16:22,351 --> 00:16:23,685
you were telling me about.
313
00:16:25,521 --> 00:16:29,524
There will be no noodles until
the operation is complete.
314
00:16:35,865 --> 00:16:38,266
You can't force me to operate.
315
00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:41,002
Maybe not, but perhaps
I can encourage you
316
00:16:41,069 --> 00:16:43,538
with my encouragement drill.
317
00:16:46,509 --> 00:16:48,175
Zoidberg:
Wait.
318
00:16:48,243 --> 00:16:49,844
I'll perform the surgery.
319
00:16:49,912 --> 00:16:52,313
You? With those clumsy claws?
320
00:16:52,381 --> 00:16:53,815
It's true, old friend.
321
00:16:53,883 --> 00:16:57,285
My claws are too clumsy
for such delicate work.
322
00:16:57,352 --> 00:16:59,153
"But mine aren't."
323
00:17:00,556 --> 00:17:03,224
You, mon, give me
that robot brain.
324
00:17:03,292 --> 00:17:05,460
And you, metal guy, lie down.
325
00:17:05,528 --> 00:17:07,395
Zoidberg, this makes no sense.
326
00:17:07,463 --> 00:17:08,863
Why are you helping him?
327
00:17:08,931 --> 00:17:10,164
And what's that catchy beat?
328
00:17:10,232 --> 00:17:11,833
I'll tell you.
Two, three...
329
00:17:11,901 --> 00:17:15,202
♪ I was lonesome for my friend
a minute ago ♪
330
00:17:15,270 --> 00:17:18,973
♪ when a happy thought
dispelled my woe ♪
331
00:17:19,041 --> 00:17:22,243
♪ and I felt perhaps he'd be
a bit less dull ♪
332
00:17:22,311 --> 00:17:25,647
♪ if I sliced up
his cyborg skull ♪
333
00:17:25,714 --> 00:17:27,014
♪ he wants a brain
334
00:17:27,082 --> 00:17:28,983
♪ he wants a robot brain
335
00:17:29,051 --> 00:17:30,318
♪ another brain
336
00:17:30,385 --> 00:17:32,487
♪ let's see if he feels pain ♪
337
00:17:32,555 --> 00:17:33,822
♪ a brand-new brain
338
00:17:33,889 --> 00:17:35,924
♪ it might drive him insane
339
00:17:35,991 --> 00:17:37,759
♪ he wants a brain
340
00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:39,661
♪ he wants a robot brain
341
00:17:39,728 --> 00:17:42,697
♪ wa-ooh
342
00:17:42,765 --> 00:17:45,567
♪ wa-wa-ooh...
343
00:17:45,634 --> 00:17:47,068
Does anyone else find it freaky
344
00:17:47,135 --> 00:17:49,070
that Zoidberg is singing
harmony with himself?
345
00:17:49,137 --> 00:17:51,405
Oh, loosen up, Amy.
346
00:17:51,474 --> 00:17:53,374
My condolences, Labarbara.
347
00:17:53,442 --> 00:17:55,242
I hope you find some comfort
348
00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:58,446
in staring at this throbbing
mass of nerve tissue.
349
00:17:58,514 --> 00:18:01,415
Oh, he's gone!
350
00:18:01,484 --> 00:18:03,785
Oh, Zoidberg, what
have you done?
351
00:18:03,853 --> 00:18:05,787
I'll tell you what I've done.
352
00:18:05,855 --> 00:18:08,523
I've brought your husband back.
353
00:18:19,001 --> 00:18:20,535
Pops.
354
00:18:20,603 --> 00:18:23,404
Sweet reawakenin'...
Of me, a Jamaican-in.
355
00:18:23,472 --> 00:18:24,873
Hermes, you're alive.
356
00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:26,774
And practically rhyming.
357
00:18:28,143 --> 00:18:30,879
Wife, son, I am so sorry.
358
00:18:30,946 --> 00:18:32,780
Once I started
upgrading myself,
359
00:18:32,848 --> 00:18:34,649
I lost all control.
360
00:18:34,717 --> 00:18:36,317
But I see now
361
00:18:36,385 --> 00:18:39,387
that if you can't be man enough
with your own parts,
362
00:18:39,454 --> 00:18:41,656
no amount of machinery
will help.
363
00:18:45,561 --> 00:18:47,729
Not so fast.
364
00:18:49,231 --> 00:18:51,265
But faster than that!
365
00:18:57,139 --> 00:18:59,440
It's that insane
robot, Roberto.
366
00:19:01,176 --> 00:19:03,745
Quick, Hermes, the keys.
367
00:19:03,812 --> 00:19:05,947
I left them in my other body.
368
00:19:06,015 --> 00:19:07,348
Oh, yeah.
369
00:19:07,416 --> 00:19:09,116
And I'm-a stick 'em
in your pancreas
370
00:19:09,184 --> 00:19:11,252
till I find one that opens it.
371
00:19:23,098 --> 00:19:26,968
I'm gonna peel off your skin
and eat it like pencil shavings.
372
00:19:28,270 --> 00:19:29,871
Ow!
373
00:19:29,939 --> 00:19:32,206
Thank God Zoidberg
didn't reattach my nerves.
374
00:19:34,877 --> 00:19:36,678
Mmm, that's tasty.
375
00:19:36,745 --> 00:19:38,613
Too tasty.
376
00:19:40,082 --> 00:19:42,684
It burns. It... it burns!
377
00:19:44,186 --> 00:19:45,352
What's happening?
378
00:19:45,420 --> 00:19:46,821
The spicy curried goat.
379
00:19:46,889 --> 00:19:48,823
Hermes' skin is so
saturated with it
380
00:19:48,891 --> 00:19:50,858
that it's dissolving
the bad robot.
381
00:19:55,030 --> 00:19:57,531
In the end, all his implants
382
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,568
were no match for my wife's
reckless seasoning.
383
00:20:00,636 --> 00:20:03,504
Now, husband, don't you
think you owe Zoidberg
384
00:20:03,572 --> 00:20:07,341
a thank-you for saving
you from yourself?
385
00:20:07,409 --> 00:20:08,643
But I hate him.
386
00:20:08,711 --> 00:20:10,044
Honey, we all do.
387
00:20:10,112 --> 00:20:12,046
But fair is fair.
388
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:18,185
Zoidberg, I... I know we
have never been friends,
389
00:20:18,253 --> 00:20:20,822
but I appreciate what you did.
390
00:20:20,889 --> 00:20:22,323
Thank you.
391
00:20:23,458 --> 00:20:26,260
Never been friends?
392
00:20:26,328 --> 00:20:28,696
Ouch! What a zinger.
393
00:20:28,764 --> 00:20:32,000
Well, here's one for you,
Mr. not-my-friend Conrad.
394
00:20:33,301 --> 00:20:34,769
You acted like a big jerk.
395
00:20:34,837 --> 00:20:37,204
You were selfish and stupid,
and you don't deserve
396
00:20:37,272 --> 00:20:39,841
a wife like Labarbara
or a friend like me.
397
00:20:41,677 --> 00:20:43,945
It's funny because it's mean.
398
00:20:44,013 --> 00:20:45,680
Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
399
00:20:45,748 --> 00:20:48,215
I'll be here forever.
400
00:20:48,283 --> 00:20:50,618
♪ Wa-ooh
401
00:20:50,686 --> 00:20:52,020
♪ wa-wa-ooh...
402
00:20:52,087 --> 00:20:53,521
Ugh. He's doing it again.
403
00:20:53,588 --> 00:20:55,523
♪ Wa-wa-ooh, wa-wa-ooh...
404
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:59,861
Sync and corrections by Sp8ky for
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