1 00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:13,447 ♪ your love is like a river ♪ 2 00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:17,417 ♪ flowing through my veins ♪ 3 00:00:17,452 --> 00:00:21,121 ♪ your love is the fever ♪ 4 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:24,322 ♪ I can't get enough ♪ 5 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:28,125 ♪ I'm on fire ♪ 6 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:32,496 ♪ we're on fire ♪ 7 00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:38,366 ♪ our love's too much for just one heart to take ♪ 8 00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:40,782 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 9 00:00:47,973 --> 00:00:51,008 All right, Ness, we're leaving. 10 00:00:51,042 --> 00:00:52,176 Oh, come on, you can't wait ten minutes 11 00:00:52,210 --> 00:00:53,511 for me to buy a flight? 12 00:00:53,545 --> 00:00:55,346 You can't put down the computer for one second 13 00:00:55,380 --> 00:00:57,882 - and come? - Okay. All right, all right. 14 00:00:57,916 --> 00:00:59,284 We have to follow my parents' schedule. 15 00:00:59,318 --> 00:01:00,451 All right, all right. 16 00:01:00,486 --> 00:01:01,952 We're on our way up to Los Gatos 17 00:01:01,987 --> 00:01:04,855 because my parents are selling my childhood home. 18 00:01:04,889 --> 00:01:06,290 While we're up there, 19 00:01:06,324 --> 00:01:08,191 we're gonna come out to Lindsey's family, 20 00:01:08,226 --> 00:01:10,494 and we're gonna tell my parents about the engagement. 21 00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:12,897 Sorry we don't get to drive with you. 22 00:01:12,931 --> 00:01:15,899 Yeah. 23 00:01:15,934 --> 00:01:17,935 It's absolutely essential to me that Vanessa be there 24 00:01:17,970 --> 00:01:19,704 when I come out to my mom, 25 00:01:19,738 --> 00:01:21,706 and that she's there when we announce our engagement 26 00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:22,874 to Anthony's parents. 27 00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:25,477 I would not do it without her. 28 00:01:25,511 --> 00:01:27,879 Let us know-- text me when you get a flight. 29 00:01:27,913 --> 00:01:29,547 - Okay. - Thank you for coming. 30 00:01:29,582 --> 00:01:30,982 Yeah. 31 00:01:31,016 --> 00:01:34,086 I'm pretty surprised about how quickly 32 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,889 Anthony and Lindsey want to move on coming out 33 00:01:36,923 --> 00:01:38,690 and telling people that we're engaged. 34 00:01:38,725 --> 00:01:40,558 It's really wonderful. 35 00:01:40,593 --> 00:01:42,260 It's just the timing is horrible for me with school 36 00:01:42,294 --> 00:01:43,560 because I'm in finals, 37 00:01:43,595 --> 00:01:46,697 but we all agree that I should just get a plane ticket 38 00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:50,502 and meet them tonight. 39 00:01:50,536 --> 00:01:51,870 Imagine what your parents are going through. 40 00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:54,172 Imagine what they're gonna think 41 00:01:54,206 --> 00:01:55,574 when we tell 'em we're engaged. 44 00:02:00,714 --> 00:02:03,549 it's a whole 'nother level when you say something like this. 45 00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:05,951 Like, we're making a life commitment. 46 00:02:05,986 --> 00:02:08,187 When we tell my parents that we're engaged, 47 00:02:08,221 --> 00:02:09,922 it'll be the moment of truth 48 00:02:09,956 --> 00:02:12,258 where we find out, are they the type of people 49 00:02:12,292 --> 00:02:14,860 who only liked it because they thought it was a phase? 50 00:02:14,895 --> 00:02:17,763 We should call my mom. 51 00:02:17,798 --> 00:02:20,999 Oh, man, I just want it to be over with. 52 00:02:21,033 --> 00:02:25,236 It is gonna be tough, but I'm glad. 53 00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:27,739 It's gonna be such a relief when it's over. 54 00:02:27,774 --> 00:02:29,808 My mom has known about Vanessa, 55 00:02:29,842 --> 00:02:32,710 but she's thought of her as my best friend. 56 00:02:32,745 --> 00:02:35,647 I have some nervousness about what her reaction's gonna be. 57 00:02:35,681 --> 00:02:39,317 I'm about to come out not only as being polyamorous, 58 00:02:39,352 --> 00:02:43,455 but as engaged to another woman. 59 00:02:43,489 --> 00:02:47,325 - Hi. - Hi, mom. 60 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,861 Well, I just wanted to tell you Anthony and I are 61 00:02:49,895 --> 00:02:54,365 on our way up north right now. 62 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,134 Yeah, because, you know, 63 00:02:56,168 --> 00:02:59,437 his parents are selling their house, and... 64 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,138 We're only gonna be up there for a couple days, 65 00:03:01,173 --> 00:03:06,644 but I wanted to set up a time to see you while we're there. 66 00:03:06,678 --> 00:03:08,312 Anthony's gonna be with me, and then, 67 00:03:08,347 --> 00:03:11,749 is it cool if I bring Vanessa too? 68 00:03:20,726 --> 00:03:21,826 - Okay. - I love you. 69 00:03:21,860 --> 00:03:24,328 - I love you. - Ciao. 70 00:03:24,363 --> 00:03:25,997 I love you, sweetheart. Ciao. 71 00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:27,398 Bye. 72 00:03:27,433 --> 00:03:30,068 You've never asked if it's okay with her before 73 00:03:30,102 --> 00:03:32,437 if Vanessa comes to anything. 74 00:03:32,471 --> 00:03:33,939 - I know. - You just brought her. 75 00:03:33,973 --> 00:03:35,273 - It's awkward. I don't-- 76 00:03:35,308 --> 00:03:37,209 I've never come out before like this. 77 00:03:37,243 --> 00:03:40,044 We're announcing that we're poly. 78 00:03:40,079 --> 00:03:42,046 We're announcing everything for the first time. 79 00:03:54,127 --> 00:03:56,428 Ready, and go. 80 00:03:56,462 --> 00:03:58,764 Look at the kite go. Aah! 81 00:03:58,798 --> 00:04:01,066 Devin is having a ball. 82 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:02,935 There it goes. 83 00:04:02,969 --> 00:04:05,437 Living together has been really stressful, 84 00:04:05,472 --> 00:04:08,841 so this is our time to relax, kick back. 85 00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,609 I'm really happy that, 86 00:04:10,643 --> 00:04:12,978 you know, it's feeling more like a family. 87 00:04:13,013 --> 00:04:14,613 Feels like we're all getting close. 88 00:04:14,648 --> 00:04:15,781 Good. 89 00:04:15,816 --> 00:04:17,249 I'm not a huge beach person. 90 00:04:17,284 --> 00:04:19,451 I don't really like having the sun beating down on me. 91 00:04:19,486 --> 00:04:22,521 But I'll tolerate the beach for them. 92 00:04:22,555 --> 00:04:23,755 Ok at your dad. 93 00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:25,290 Have you seen him surf before? 94 00:04:25,325 --> 00:04:27,626 - Yeah. - I've never seen him surf. 95 00:04:33,066 --> 00:04:35,935 I really look at surfing as one of my lovers, really. 96 00:04:35,969 --> 00:04:39,071 Right up there with Kamala. Not quite, but close. 97 00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:45,712 - Did you have fun? - Mm-hmm. 98 00:04:45,746 --> 00:04:47,080 I did, actually. 99 00:04:47,114 --> 00:04:49,649 Really, I had a good time. I'm really, um... 100 00:04:49,684 --> 00:04:50,684 I'm really enjoying this. 101 00:04:50,718 --> 00:04:52,819 We're down at the beach 102 00:04:52,853 --> 00:04:55,055 in this loving family experience, 103 00:04:55,089 --> 00:04:57,991 and it just feels like this is honestly 104 00:04:58,025 --> 00:04:59,459 how I want to live my life. 105 00:04:59,493 --> 00:05:01,795 I'm not out to my parents yet, 106 00:05:01,829 --> 00:05:03,129 and I know we've talked about it, 107 00:05:03,164 --> 00:05:06,333 but um, I think it's-- I think it's time. 108 00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:07,768 I think I want to tell them. 109 00:05:07,802 --> 00:05:09,436 I think I'm ready to-- 110 00:05:09,438 --> 00:05:11,338 - To come out? - To come out to them, yeah. 111 00:05:15,243 --> 00:05:16,610 I think it's a bad idea. 112 00:05:16,644 --> 00:05:20,614 I mean, really, why do they need to know? 113 00:05:20,648 --> 00:05:23,016 Well, partly because-- 114 00:05:23,051 --> 00:05:24,351 - I bet they don't even want to know. 115 00:05:24,385 --> 00:05:25,718 - I bet they don't-- yeah? - But hold on. 116 00:05:25,753 --> 00:05:28,488 You're living with us now. 117 00:05:28,523 --> 00:05:30,056 You know, I'm not their daughter, 118 00:05:30,091 --> 00:05:32,559 and it would be a lot easier for them 119 00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:34,227 to break off a relationship with me, yeah. 120 00:05:34,261 --> 00:05:37,230 And I don't-- I don't want that to happen. 121 00:05:37,265 --> 00:05:38,832 So... 122 00:05:38,866 --> 00:05:39,966 So that's what worries me. 123 00:05:40,001 --> 00:05:42,036 I want to be honest, and at the same time 124 00:05:42,070 --> 00:05:45,539 I don't want them not to care about me anymore. 125 00:05:45,574 --> 00:05:48,342 It just feels to me, Kamala, like you're pushing for it 126 00:05:48,376 --> 00:05:50,110 because you're out to your parents, and they know. 127 00:05:50,144 --> 00:05:52,246 But you don't have to have a relationship with them. 128 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,048 - Tahl and I do. - Yeah, but I-- 129 00:05:54,082 --> 00:05:55,149 Now, hold on. Now, hold on. 130 00:05:55,183 --> 00:05:56,417 We do have to have a relationship. 131 00:05:56,451 --> 00:05:58,852 I would like to have a relationship with him. 132 00:05:58,887 --> 00:06:01,121 You know, Tahl is my lover, 133 00:06:01,156 --> 00:06:03,958 and it would be nice to not go there and feel like 134 00:06:03,992 --> 00:06:06,527 I'm, you know, just a random stranger. 135 00:06:06,561 --> 00:06:08,595 You know, it's like-- I think after, you know, 136 00:06:08,630 --> 00:06:10,030 years of being with you guys 137 00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:13,434 that it'd be nice to be acknowledged as your lover. 138 00:06:13,468 --> 00:06:16,871 I want a deeper relationship with my parents, 139 00:06:16,905 --> 00:06:18,873 which, as we all agree, 140 00:06:18,907 --> 00:06:23,011 honesty is really a fundamental part of that. 141 00:06:23,045 --> 00:06:24,646 Next Friday night I think, you know, 142 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,881 if you two would join us. 143 00:06:26,916 --> 00:06:29,384 I've decided to come out at shabbat 144 00:06:29,418 --> 00:06:31,853 because I've been doing shabbat dinner 145 00:06:31,888 --> 00:06:33,021 for my entire life. 146 00:06:33,056 --> 00:06:34,356 This is when we all get together 147 00:06:34,391 --> 00:06:36,725 and talk about family issues. 148 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,662 So... Friday night it is. 149 00:06:39,696 --> 00:06:41,430 You know, you need to be there, Jen. 150 00:06:41,465 --> 00:06:43,165 They're your parents, you do what you want. 151 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:47,436 I'm just letting you know that it's making me nervous. 152 00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:48,938 I'd be nervous too. You know? 153 00:06:48,972 --> 00:06:50,973 It kind of ties my stomach up in knots. 154 00:06:51,008 --> 00:06:52,742 Part of me feels bad holding stuff back. 155 00:06:52,776 --> 00:06:55,645 And she might not like it. She might not agree. 156 00:06:55,679 --> 00:06:57,280 That's my weak spot right now 157 00:06:57,314 --> 00:06:59,749 is my parents. 158 00:06:59,784 --> 00:07:01,751 I don't want to break my mother's heart. 159 00:07:01,786 --> 00:07:03,320 But if you want, you know, 160 00:07:03,354 --> 00:07:05,656 you just sit there quiet, and I'll bring it up. 161 00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:07,958 Okay, I'm not saying anything... Hopefully not. 162 00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:09,860 We'll see. 163 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,412 I wish Ness was arriving with us. 164 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,948 I know. 165 00:07:32,551 --> 00:07:34,419 - Hi. - Ciao. 166 00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:36,287 Oh, hey. 167 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,656 - Hey. - Hey. 168 00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:40,692 How are you? 169 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,035 - The house is gonna go bye-bye. - I know. 170 00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:52,403 Whenever we come up here, 171 00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:54,672 we always stay with Anthony's family. 172 00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:57,576 - Where's Vanessa? Is she-- - She's coming. 173 00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,411 She had a final exam. She had fly up. 174 00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:00,779 Should we wait for her for the Martinis, 175 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,047 - or are we going for it? - So she'll be here tonight? 176 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,183 - No, we can't wait. - We should not wait. 177 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,317 We should have a Martini. 178 00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:06,619 How could Linds wait for a Martini? 179 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,487 Let's do it. 180 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,296 When things get really, really crazy-- 181 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,864 - It's Ness! 182 00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,901 Let's catch her. Let's catch Ness. 183 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:25,304 - Ciao. - Who's here? 184 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,539 Oh, bella. 185 00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,410 In the very beginning, Anthony's parents were 186 00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:32,745 kind of skeptical about us. 187 00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:35,515 Carolyn, in particular, was pretty hurt, 188 00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,183 but she and I have had a relationship 189 00:08:37,218 --> 00:08:38,318 since I was a child. 190 00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:40,653 And so, eventually the transition was okay, 191 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:43,022 because she loves me, and eventually, 192 00:08:43,057 --> 00:08:46,326 watching us together, she could see that the love was real. 193 00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,830 - We have a toast. - We have a toast. 194 00:08:49,864 --> 00:08:52,633 Here's to the happy memories. 195 00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:56,737 Uh, uh, uh... Wait. We have a toast to make. 196 00:08:56,771 --> 00:09:01,208 - We have a toast to make. - Ah. 197 00:09:01,243 --> 00:09:04,979 We just had our three-year anniversary. 198 00:09:05,013 --> 00:09:07,615 I asked Linds and Anth 199 00:09:07,649 --> 00:09:12,020 to make a life commitment to me... 200 00:09:12,054 --> 00:09:17,724 To have a ceremony of some kind to marry me too. 201 00:09:17,759 --> 00:09:21,027 So we're calling ourselves engaged. 202 00:09:21,062 --> 00:09:23,797 I'm all over this. 203 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:27,634 I know how to do these weddings and do celebrations. 204 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:30,804 I mean, it's when people are in love, 205 00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,305 when they decide to get married, 206 00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:34,908 it's like, oh, yeah, it's a natural progression. 207 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,010 So it makes total sense. 208 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:40,580 I mean, I've always felt that your commitment was sincere, 209 00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:43,917 serious, perhaps more so than most people that I know. 210 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,986 Why should anybody who loves each other, 211 00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:50,189 whether it's two people, three people, five people-- 212 00:09:50,224 --> 00:09:52,325 Why should that not be a good thing 213 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,226 or be celebrated? 214 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:58,564 What Vanessa's not telling you is that she also asked us 215 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:01,901 to get, not rings, but tattoos. 216 00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:07,073 - Tattoos! - Okay... 217 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,809 That's where I draw the line. 218 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,544 No fuckin' tattoos! 219 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:14,681 Okay, but listen-- It's a ring tattoo. 220 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,517 And the messaging is 221 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,819 you can't just rip it off in a fight. 222 00:10:19,854 --> 00:10:22,388 Yeah, but see, I'm gonna be the asshole here. 223 00:10:22,423 --> 00:10:23,623 Be it. 224 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,957 Everybody goes into a marriage 225 00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,126 thinking that's the case, and then things happen, 226 00:10:27,161 --> 00:10:29,528 perhaps, and there's a good reason why that marriage 227 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,163 might want to break up. 228 00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:34,332 And now you've got this damn tattoo on your-- 229 00:10:34,366 --> 00:10:35,733 It worked out for you. 230 00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:37,101 If you had got a tattoo, you'd be fine. 231 00:10:37,135 --> 00:10:38,469 No, I would be fine. 232 00:10:38,503 --> 00:10:40,971 But for a lot of people, it didn't work out. 233 00:10:41,005 --> 00:10:43,173 And what a bummer to have this tattoo on your-- 234 00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:45,442 That seems like you think we won't work out. 235 00:10:45,476 --> 00:10:47,211 We may make decisions at some point 236 00:10:47,245 --> 00:10:49,146 that would look like a breakup, 237 00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:52,617 but what's interesting about the way that poly can work 238 00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:55,252 is that we stay in each other's lives. 239 00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:58,189 We're not going to leave each other 240 00:10:58,223 --> 00:11:01,292 even if the relationships transition. 241 00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:04,461 We've made that commitment, and that's the commitment 242 00:11:04,496 --> 00:11:05,763 that they're commemorating at this time. 243 00:11:05,797 --> 00:11:07,297 Her perspective is a little bit different, 244 00:11:07,332 --> 00:11:11,001 and now that I think about it, I agree. 245 00:11:11,036 --> 00:11:13,938 Anthony's parents have been extraordinary, 246 00:11:13,972 --> 00:11:17,441 and I hope my mom's reaction will be right on the same page. 247 00:11:17,476 --> 00:11:19,443 A toast to the eternal threesome. 248 00:11:19,478 --> 00:11:23,781 So now it's okay that we all sleep in the same bed, right, 249 00:11:23,815 --> 00:11:25,549 when we come over? 250 00:11:25,583 --> 00:11:28,185 Yes. You have been for a while. 251 00:11:43,902 --> 00:11:45,369 It's the big night. 252 00:11:45,403 --> 00:11:49,839 I've decided to come out to my parents at shabbat. 253 00:11:49,874 --> 00:11:51,541 Shabbat's a holy day, 254 00:11:51,575 --> 00:11:54,077 an evening of celebration in the Jewish faith. 255 00:11:54,111 --> 00:11:57,346 And it's a time when, I guess, 256 00:11:57,380 --> 00:12:00,715 we get together and praise God. 257 00:12:02,318 --> 00:12:06,054 Shabbat dinner is something we've been doing 258 00:12:06,088 --> 00:12:07,823 since I can remember. 259 00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,624 I grew up in Zimbabwe, 260 00:12:09,659 --> 00:12:12,494 and my mom was born and raised 261 00:12:12,528 --> 00:12:15,297 in a Victorian-African community. 262 00:12:15,331 --> 00:12:18,800 I was raised to be very ashamed of my naked body. 263 00:12:18,835 --> 00:12:20,836 Sex was not discussed. 264 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,772 I'm just, like, so worried what my mom's gonna think. 265 00:12:23,807 --> 00:12:25,040 God forbid, you know, she starts 266 00:12:25,074 --> 00:12:26,308 breaking out into tears. 267 00:12:26,342 --> 00:12:29,111 How are you feeling about tonight? 268 00:12:29,146 --> 00:12:31,881 I'm just getting more used to the idea. 269 00:12:31,915 --> 00:12:33,516 I'm tired of actually trying to predict 270 00:12:33,550 --> 00:12:34,750 how your parents are gonna act. 271 00:12:34,785 --> 00:12:36,219 You know, whether they're gonna be upset 272 00:12:36,253 --> 00:12:38,454 or not upset or-- Just we really won't know 273 00:12:38,489 --> 00:12:43,092 until... Until we tell them. 274 00:12:43,127 --> 00:12:45,428 Do you think those guys are-- 275 00:12:45,462 --> 00:12:47,997 Who do you think is more nervous? 276 00:12:48,032 --> 00:12:51,667 Um... It might be me. 277 00:12:51,702 --> 00:12:54,170 Michael and I have been to shabbat a couple of times. 278 00:12:54,205 --> 00:12:56,672 We've been introduced by Jen and Tahl as 279 00:12:56,707 --> 00:12:58,708 we're just friends. 280 00:12:58,742 --> 00:13:00,676 Poly is about being open and honest, 281 00:13:00,711 --> 00:13:04,247 and as long as he's in the closet with his parents, 282 00:13:04,281 --> 00:13:06,148 I lose respect for him. 283 00:13:09,486 --> 00:13:12,722 Oh, shit. 284 00:13:12,756 --> 00:13:15,258 What's up? 285 00:13:15,292 --> 00:13:17,360 I just got a text from my dad saying that 286 00:13:17,395 --> 00:13:21,299 he just saw us half-naked on a website. 287 00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:25,169 Yeah. That's weird. 288 00:13:25,203 --> 00:13:26,704 That he just saw us half-naked-- you? 289 00:13:26,738 --> 00:13:28,939 Me. Me and Jen. 290 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,207 Were-- were you guys-- 291 00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:31,842 I'm not half-naked on any website. 292 00:13:31,876 --> 00:13:34,878 I'd like to see what website he's talking about, 293 00:13:34,912 --> 00:13:35,945 because I don't-- 294 00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:37,814 Well, what website are you guys on? 295 00:13:37,848 --> 00:13:39,515 - I don't know. - We're not on a website. 296 00:13:39,550 --> 00:13:40,850 - Not at all? - No. 297 00:13:40,884 --> 00:13:42,885 - You texted him back? - I did. 298 00:13:42,919 --> 00:13:44,186 I don't know what he's talking about. 299 00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:45,287 Yeah. 300 00:13:45,321 --> 00:13:47,323 I get this fucking text from my dad, 301 00:13:47,358 --> 00:13:48,825 like, out of the blue, that says 302 00:13:48,859 --> 00:13:51,895 he's just seen Jen and I naked on a website. 303 00:13:51,929 --> 00:13:54,197 My stomach just, like, goes right up into my throat. 304 00:13:54,231 --> 00:13:57,667 That's not exactly how I wanted this to go down. 305 00:13:57,702 --> 00:14:00,270 This just kind of makes it a little different. 306 00:14:11,081 --> 00:14:14,283 Oh, man, this is not my favorite part. 307 00:14:14,317 --> 00:14:16,085 This is not your favorite part of life? 308 00:14:16,119 --> 00:14:17,987 You guys, you guys, you guys, 309 00:14:18,021 --> 00:14:20,122 I want to be the one that brings it up, okay? 310 00:14:20,156 --> 00:14:21,456 Okay. 311 00:14:21,491 --> 00:14:24,793 So let me at least start the conversation, 312 00:14:24,827 --> 00:14:27,630 and then you guys can chime in. 313 00:14:27,664 --> 00:14:31,901 If coming out to my mom destroys the closeness 314 00:14:31,935 --> 00:14:35,071 that we've built, I will be devastated. 315 00:14:35,105 --> 00:14:38,141 - Ready? - Yes. 316 00:14:38,175 --> 00:14:40,810 I'm not, but I don't care. 317 00:14:44,916 --> 00:14:48,318 Get back. 318 00:14:48,352 --> 00:14:52,355 Hi. 319 00:14:55,192 --> 00:14:57,627 - Hi. - Hi. Mwah. 320 00:14:57,661 --> 00:14:59,362 I have my own relationship with Lindsey's mom. 321 00:14:59,396 --> 00:15:03,366 So, for me, there's an intimacy at stake 322 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,970 that is also just my own intimacy with this person 323 00:15:07,004 --> 00:15:08,571 who I haven't been honest with. 324 00:15:08,605 --> 00:15:10,640 I wanted to tell you more about that documentary film 325 00:15:10,674 --> 00:15:12,908 - about Hillbrook. - Yeah, tell me. 326 00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:14,710 Well, it was really great-- 327 00:15:14,744 --> 00:15:16,278 - Do you have the book? - Yeah, I have it. 328 00:15:16,312 --> 00:15:17,913 I have it right over here. 329 00:15:17,947 --> 00:15:19,981 Okay. 330 00:15:21,317 --> 00:15:23,818 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, my God. 331 00:15:23,852 --> 00:15:29,223 Why? 332 00:15:31,059 --> 00:15:34,662 Sitting on the couch was painful for me. 333 00:15:34,696 --> 00:15:38,166 I kept looking at Lindsey like, "come on. 334 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,668 Please, let's just go." 335 00:15:40,702 --> 00:15:41,969 You want to hear what we've been doing lately? 336 00:15:42,004 --> 00:15:43,071 Yes, please. 337 00:15:43,105 --> 00:15:44,906 I got a paper published. 338 00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:47,275 Aside from that, it's Vanessa going crazy at school. 339 00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:49,311 Yeah. 340 00:15:53,851 --> 00:15:59,289 So we're working on all these different political arenas. 341 00:15:59,323 --> 00:16:04,794 And so part of our struggle is to stand up for civil rights. 342 00:16:04,829 --> 00:16:07,997 Just like being gay, being polyamorous... 343 00:16:08,032 --> 00:16:11,634 Um, and other people that just are trying to live 344 00:16:11,669 --> 00:16:15,071 a life that is oppressed. 345 00:16:15,105 --> 00:16:17,741 And some of those people that have been feeling 346 00:16:17,775 --> 00:16:21,544 left out of the mainstream... are us. 347 00:16:23,848 --> 00:16:27,417 Because we are polyamorous. 348 00:16:29,954 --> 00:16:32,689 I'm watching Lindsey tell her mom this kind of, like, 349 00:16:32,723 --> 00:16:35,659 abstract thing about us, and I'm like, 350 00:16:35,693 --> 00:16:37,194 "she's not getting it. She's not getting it." 351 00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:40,464 Vanessa and Anthony and I are in a triad. 352 00:16:40,498 --> 00:16:43,233 We're committed to each other. 353 00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:46,136 And that involves all levels of commitment. 354 00:16:46,170 --> 00:16:49,572 Friendship, romantic, intimate. 355 00:16:49,606 --> 00:16:53,976 I mean, we're in love with each other. 356 00:16:54,011 --> 00:16:59,381 My commitment to Vanessa, especially now, 357 00:16:59,416 --> 00:17:01,350 because-- 358 00:17:01,384 --> 00:17:03,118 Because things have changed recently... 359 00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:04,919 We're a really solid triangle. 360 00:17:04,954 --> 00:17:06,822 How did it change recently? 361 00:17:06,856 --> 00:17:10,826 Because Vanessa proposed to us, 362 00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:12,361 and we said yes. 363 00:17:12,395 --> 00:17:16,298 Brava. Brava. 364 00:17:16,332 --> 00:17:18,633 I'm proud of you. 365 00:17:18,668 --> 00:17:21,436 - Thank you. - Yeah. 366 00:17:21,471 --> 00:17:22,538 And we've been researching-- 367 00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:23,639 And not exactly a surprise though. 368 00:17:23,673 --> 00:17:27,143 I mean, because ever since Lindsey was 18, 369 00:17:27,177 --> 00:17:31,014 she has been so close to both of you that... 370 00:17:31,048 --> 00:17:32,983 Right. 371 00:17:33,017 --> 00:17:35,085 She couldn't stand to be away from you. 372 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:36,953 I'm just so relieved. 373 00:17:36,988 --> 00:17:39,656 I really thought you might be angry. 374 00:17:39,690 --> 00:17:43,193 And I was just worried because... 375 00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:45,863 Oh, my God, no. No. 376 00:17:45,897 --> 00:17:48,131 I'm so proud of you, 377 00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:50,434 and I'm so proud of Lindsey for loving you. 378 00:17:50,468 --> 00:17:53,037 And I love Vanessa. 379 00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:55,473 I think that's what was making me so emotional just now 380 00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:58,776 is because I feel like, especially in the last year, 381 00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:00,244 you and I have really had a friendship 382 00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:02,347 that's, like, cemented. 383 00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:03,982 - And just was worried that... - Thank you. I agree. 384 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,785 You would be, like-- 385 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:10,055 That-- that us finally being open with you about this 386 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,690 would somehow hurt that. 387 00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:13,993 And I don't-- I didn't want that. 388 00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:17,062 I'm sorry to underestimate you like that. 389 00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:21,667 No, I love you, and I'm-- I'm just-- 390 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,435 I'm so proud of you. 391 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,204 So I've gained another daughter. 392 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,972 Exactly! 393 00:18:27,007 --> 00:18:29,708 - I love you so much. - I love you too. 394 00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:31,310 You did-- really. 395 00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:34,813 - I did a good job raising you? - Yes. 396 00:18:34,848 --> 00:18:38,017 I feel total relief. 397 00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:39,786 My mom understands what we mean. 398 00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:41,888 I think it's totally genuine, 399 00:18:41,922 --> 00:18:46,426 and I just wanted to thank her immediately forever 400 00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:47,894 for raising me. 401 00:18:47,928 --> 00:18:51,330 Me too. 402 00:18:51,365 --> 00:18:54,934 - I needed this. - Me too. 403 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:58,137 Ahh... 404 00:18:58,172 --> 00:18:59,739 Okay, so the next question is, you know, 405 00:18:59,773 --> 00:19:00,974 are you guys gonna have children? 406 00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:14,088 I just don't know how the hell this text came through, 407 00:19:14,123 --> 00:19:15,523 but I can't back out now. 408 00:19:15,558 --> 00:19:19,161 But it totally disrupts how I wanted to ease into it. 409 00:19:19,195 --> 00:19:21,196 This is like kind of-- 410 00:19:21,230 --> 00:19:23,432 I don't know how they're gonna handle this. 411 00:19:25,702 --> 00:19:26,803 I'm nervous. 412 00:19:33,077 --> 00:19:35,145 - Hi. - Ah. 413 00:19:35,179 --> 00:19:37,380 - I missed you, Tahl. - Hello, hello. 414 00:19:37,415 --> 00:19:38,381 - Hello. - How are you? 415 00:19:38,416 --> 00:19:39,950 Good. 416 00:19:39,984 --> 00:19:41,451 - How was your day? - Good. 417 00:19:41,485 --> 00:19:42,786 - Come in. - Hello. 418 00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:45,755 - Hi, Kamala. Good to see you. - Hello. 419 00:19:45,790 --> 00:19:48,191 I open the door, and my parents greet me, 420 00:19:48,225 --> 00:19:49,458 and they're like, "hey," and they're all cheerful, 421 00:19:49,493 --> 00:19:51,327 and it's not what I expected. 422 00:19:51,361 --> 00:19:54,196 I'm just wondering if my parents-- 423 00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:55,364 Are they just putting on a show? 424 00:19:55,398 --> 00:19:57,700 So how are you guys? 425 00:19:57,734 --> 00:19:59,268 - Good. - Yeah, good. 426 00:19:59,302 --> 00:20:00,503 Yeah? When did I see you last time? 427 00:20:00,537 --> 00:20:02,304 That was what, a month ago? 428 00:20:02,339 --> 00:20:05,007 Yeah, maybe a month ago. Three weeks, month. 429 00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:06,642 - So what, shall we start? - Yeah. 430 00:20:06,676 --> 00:20:09,445 It's a little bit concerning that they're not just talking 431 00:20:09,479 --> 00:20:10,846 about the text. 432 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,015 So I'm just sitting back and watching 433 00:20:13,050 --> 00:20:14,383 how it's gonna unfold. 434 00:20:14,417 --> 00:20:16,251 I feel like the getaway driver, 435 00:20:16,286 --> 00:20:18,854 if it has to come down to that. 436 00:20:28,164 --> 00:20:31,067 As much as I don't subscribe to religion, 437 00:20:31,101 --> 00:20:33,502 this might have been a really bad idea. 438 00:20:33,537 --> 00:20:35,738 You want to go back to Africa? 439 00:20:35,772 --> 00:20:37,373 Yeah, actually, that would be great 440 00:20:37,407 --> 00:20:40,809 to go through Zimbabwe again. 441 00:20:40,843 --> 00:20:42,544 - I've never been to Africa. - Oh, yeah? 442 00:20:42,578 --> 00:20:44,947 Oh, you should first go on safari there. 443 00:20:44,981 --> 00:20:46,649 I'd love to take Devin. 444 00:20:46,683 --> 00:20:48,051 He would just absolutely love it. 445 00:20:48,085 --> 00:20:50,954 - Yeah, he would love it. - Love that. 446 00:20:55,226 --> 00:20:59,263 There was, like, a politeness that was going on, 447 00:20:59,297 --> 00:21:01,232 and it was very uncomfortable for me, 448 00:21:01,266 --> 00:21:04,235 because we were just leaving something unsaid. 449 00:21:04,270 --> 00:21:05,837 I think we were all leaving it up to Tahl 450 00:21:05,871 --> 00:21:07,005 to start this conversation. 451 00:21:07,039 --> 00:21:09,173 - It was a Portuguese colony. - Oh. 452 00:21:09,208 --> 00:21:10,608 And then she moved to Rhodesia. 453 00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:14,879 - How old were you? - Seven. 454 00:21:14,914 --> 00:21:16,781 I'm looking across the table. 455 00:21:16,816 --> 00:21:18,016 I'm like, "when you gonna do it?" 456 00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:19,818 Can I have some of that red wine? 457 00:21:19,852 --> 00:21:21,353 Is it like a punch? 458 00:21:21,387 --> 00:21:22,554 It's sort of like a punch, yeah. 459 00:21:22,588 --> 00:21:24,789 Like a fruit punch kind of thing. 460 00:21:24,824 --> 00:21:27,025 Tahl's, like, just avoiding it. 461 00:21:27,059 --> 00:21:29,794 It's like he's pushing food around and eating slowly 462 00:21:29,829 --> 00:21:31,329 to not have to deal with it. 463 00:21:31,364 --> 00:21:34,199 I look at Jen, and she's just like, 464 00:21:34,234 --> 00:21:36,268 "oh, maybe we're gonna get through the night 465 00:21:36,303 --> 00:21:37,837 and nobody's gonna say anything." 466 00:21:37,871 --> 00:21:39,739 Okay, anybody like a little more? 467 00:21:39,773 --> 00:21:41,507 - I'm-- I'm done. - I'm good. 468 00:21:41,541 --> 00:21:42,975 Done? 469 00:21:47,747 --> 00:21:49,782 So, um... 470 00:21:49,816 --> 00:21:54,787 Talk about the elephant in the room here? 471 00:21:54,821 --> 00:21:56,322 Who sent you that website? 472 00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:58,490 Or what was the website that you looked at? 473 00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:04,697 Mm-hmm. 474 00:22:09,335 --> 00:22:10,536 Mm-hmm. 475 00:22:15,909 --> 00:22:18,011 Um... 476 00:22:18,045 --> 00:22:21,048 So... 477 00:22:21,082 --> 00:22:23,150 First of all, I love you guys a lot. 478 00:22:23,184 --> 00:22:27,254 You know that. 479 00:22:27,288 --> 00:22:29,923 I don't know the website you texted. 480 00:22:29,958 --> 00:22:33,260 That was, like, wife swapping or something? 481 00:22:33,295 --> 00:22:34,795 Something like that, yeah. 482 00:22:34,830 --> 00:22:37,865 I don't know what that is. Um... 483 00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:42,670 So about three years ago, um, Jen and I-- 484 00:22:42,704 --> 00:22:44,605 We were just kind of exploring. 485 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,676 We met Michael and Kamala. 486 00:22:47,710 --> 00:22:51,613 And we have since really fallen in love with them. 487 00:22:53,816 --> 00:22:58,687 And so we are in a relationship 488 00:22:58,721 --> 00:23:01,790 with Michael and Kamala. 489 00:23:01,824 --> 00:23:04,759 My dad's being quiet, and I can just see 490 00:23:04,793 --> 00:23:06,928 the wheels turning in his head. 491 00:23:06,963 --> 00:23:08,263 Here are my lovers. 492 00:23:08,297 --> 00:23:10,165 He's probably just like, 493 00:23:10,199 --> 00:23:12,901 "what the fuck did my son just tell me?" 494 00:23:14,637 --> 00:23:16,305 This is actually called polyamory, 495 00:23:16,339 --> 00:23:19,375 which means "multiple," "poly." 496 00:23:19,409 --> 00:23:21,477 And then "amory" means "love." 497 00:23:21,511 --> 00:23:25,847 We actually really love them, and, um... 498 00:23:25,882 --> 00:23:28,083 That being said, 499 00:23:28,118 --> 00:23:31,119 we've actually since moved into their house. 500 00:23:31,154 --> 00:23:33,422 You're not living in your own home? 501 00:23:33,456 --> 00:23:36,091 No. We're living with Michael and Kamala. 502 00:23:39,662 --> 00:23:45,000 How can your relationship be strong 503 00:23:45,035 --> 00:23:49,471 when you're not a proper couple? 504 00:23:49,506 --> 00:23:51,607 Honestly, it's really good for me. 505 00:23:51,641 --> 00:23:53,709 Jen and I's relationship, 506 00:23:53,743 --> 00:23:58,347 it just seems to be getting better and better. 507 00:23:58,381 --> 00:24:02,851 Okay, Tahl, that I think it's a good thing-- I don't. 508 00:24:04,954 --> 00:24:07,122 It goes against everything I've been brought up with. 509 00:24:11,561 --> 00:24:16,432 But the way we live and the way I lived 510 00:24:16,466 --> 00:24:19,702 isn't necessarily what suits you. 511 00:24:19,737 --> 00:24:20,937 Yeah. 512 00:24:20,971 --> 00:24:23,305 You're my child. 513 00:24:23,340 --> 00:24:25,842 You know that I adore you. 514 00:24:25,876 --> 00:24:28,144 - Mm-hmm. - And you're an adult. 515 00:24:28,178 --> 00:24:30,646 You must do whatever is best for you. 516 00:24:30,681 --> 00:24:36,018 And you're my oldest son, and I-- 517 00:24:36,053 --> 00:24:37,921 And what can I tell you 518 00:24:37,955 --> 00:24:39,756 I-- I'm here for you. 519 00:24:39,790 --> 00:24:42,058 Thank you, mom. 520 00:24:42,093 --> 00:24:46,195 That's very sweet. 521 00:24:46,230 --> 00:24:48,231 I know you guys disagree, but I just thank you. 522 00:24:48,265 --> 00:24:49,966 Thank you. 523 00:24:50,001 --> 00:24:51,468 It's my son. 524 00:24:51,502 --> 00:24:55,072 Yeah. 525 00:24:55,106 --> 00:24:59,075 This woman's love is so big. 526 00:24:59,110 --> 00:25:02,579 It was inspiring. 527 00:25:02,613 --> 00:25:04,814 Thank you, dad. 528 00:25:04,849 --> 00:25:06,850 You're our big boy. 529 00:25:06,884 --> 00:25:09,553 Um, I'd like us to deepen our relationship. 530 00:25:09,587 --> 00:25:11,054 You know, I want it to be a relationship 531 00:25:11,088 --> 00:25:13,456 where I can tell you guys everything. 532 00:25:13,491 --> 00:25:14,758 And I know you don't agree-- 533 00:25:14,792 --> 00:25:16,893 I don't know if I always want to hear everything. 534 00:25:16,927 --> 00:25:18,261 I told you. I said. 535 00:25:18,295 --> 00:25:20,029 I'm like, "they just don't want to know, Tahl." 536 00:25:20,064 --> 00:25:22,032 I really don't always. 537 00:25:22,066 --> 00:25:23,500 I mean, I appreciate it, 538 00:25:23,534 --> 00:25:26,269 but I don't really always want to know. 539 00:25:26,303 --> 00:25:28,904 Thank you, mom. 540 00:25:28,939 --> 00:25:32,274 - Can I give you a hug? - Yes. I need it. 541 00:25:32,308 --> 00:25:33,508 Give you a hug too. 542 00:25:33,543 --> 00:25:37,045 Aw. 543 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:38,780 What a relief. 544 00:25:38,815 --> 00:25:42,518 Oh, my God, just... Oh! 545 00:25:42,552 --> 00:25:44,086 Thank you, mom. 546 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,288 - Ah, where did I go wrong? - Aw, no. 547 00:25:46,322 --> 00:25:51,158 Really, like, I'm enjoying my life so much. 548 00:25:51,193 --> 00:25:53,894 Thanks, dad. 549 00:25:55,931 --> 00:25:57,398 I'm really proud what you've done 550 00:25:57,432 --> 00:25:58,799 with your life up to now. 551 00:25:58,834 --> 00:26:03,370 And, Jen, you've been so supportive of Tahl as well. 552 00:26:03,404 --> 00:26:08,742 So... I really love you for that and yourself. 553 00:26:08,777 --> 00:26:10,444 Oh-- oh, my God. Can I have a hug, please? 554 00:26:10,479 --> 00:26:13,314 Yes. 555 00:26:13,348 --> 00:26:18,319 Oh, my God. 556 00:26:18,353 --> 00:26:22,723 I...Um... 557 00:26:22,758 --> 00:26:25,559 It was just such a wonderful gift that she gave me. 558 00:26:25,594 --> 00:26:27,862 You know, then, even in the middle of her upset, 559 00:26:27,896 --> 00:26:29,096 she just looked right at me and told me 560 00:26:29,130 --> 00:26:31,932 she still cares about me, and that's-- 561 00:26:31,967 --> 00:26:33,300 That's what I needed to hear. 562 00:26:38,639 --> 00:26:41,440 Wow, I didn't expect the dinner to end like this. 563 00:26:41,475 --> 00:26:43,642 Should we have ice cream? 564 00:26:43,677 --> 00:26:46,478 We should have ice cream. 565 00:26:46,513 --> 00:26:48,647 Get out the dessert. 566 00:26:48,682 --> 00:26:49,681 It felt really good. 567 00:26:49,716 --> 00:26:51,250 It felt good to be honest. 568 00:26:51,284 --> 00:26:52,484 It felt good to tell them. 569 00:26:52,518 --> 00:26:53,752 It felt good to inform them 570 00:26:53,786 --> 00:26:55,954 and make them a bigger part of my life. 571 00:26:55,989 --> 00:26:59,124 That was a lovely dinner. Thanks, mom. 572 00:26:59,158 --> 00:27:01,626 It was so nice to see, you know, the emotions come up, 573 00:27:01,660 --> 00:27:04,629 and the acceptance, and the love. 574 00:27:04,663 --> 00:27:06,529 Bye, dad 575 00:27:06,563 --> 00:27:07,626 it was beautiful. 576 00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:09,357 Drive carefully. 577 00:27:09,391 --> 00:27:10,355 - Thank you. - Thank you. 578 00:27:10,389 --> 00:27:13,421 - All right. - Okay. 579 00:27:13,456 --> 00:27:15,589 Let's have sex and go to bed. 580 00:27:22,983 --> 00:27:30,756 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com