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<i>Previously on Awkward...</i>

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My life was full of unexpected choices.

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We've decided not to let
a girl come between us.

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So you need to choose, him or me.

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You should date each other.

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But someone had to win,
someone had to lose,

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and I was still left to choose.

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I used to think being in love

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with two people at once only
happened on reality shows,

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where finding a soul mate was nudged along

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by a dozen roses, a cheese-tastic host,

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and a camera crew up your ass.

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I never bought that bogus B.S....

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until it happened to me.

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I didn't have to choose
between Matty or Jake,

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but I wanted to.

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When it came to life-altering decisions,

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I resorted to my go-to
method of problem solving...

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blogging it out.

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[Computer beeps]

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"Pick Matty." "Pick Jake."

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"Matty is the only choice."

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"Jake is awesometown."

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Turns out, my readers
were as confused as I was.

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[Computer beeps] "Get over it."

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"Pick a guy already." "Team Matty."

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"Team Jake. Team... Jonah?

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"We have third period together.

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I'm the one with the Jew 'fro."

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Oh.

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It was impossible to think

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with the peanut gallery chiming in.

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How could I possibly
blog my way to an answer

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if I couldn't write my truth?

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Unless...

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I tried my hand at fiction.

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It was the six month anniversary

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of the first tryst in the utility closet,

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and Jenna couldn't stop thinking about it.

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Those ill-fitting camp shirts,

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the filthy space, the cold, dank floor...

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Matty's sub-zero skin,

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Jenna couldn't help but consider,

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should she finally let him turn her

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so they could spend eternity together?

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Do you know what today is?

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Tuesday.

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He didn't remember.

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Jenna was crushed.

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She didn't realize the
undead could suck so hard.

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Happy anniversary.

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He'll never be able to
give you what you need.

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But I can.

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But she couldn't discount Jake,

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who she occasionally referred to as Jacob.

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Sexy in his own right
and an amazing kisser,

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Jenna could only imagine
how their sex would be.

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She thought it would be hot.

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For real, Jake's body
temp hovered around 150.

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[Computer beeps]

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My brief foray into fiction

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lead me to one obvious conclusion...

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I was a hack.

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So I wasn't all that great

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when left to my own devices.

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What I needed was a push
in the right direction,

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or any direction.

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Because I was lost, in love.

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Whenever I lost my keys,
which happened a lot,

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I retraced my steps.

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Maybe I needed to retrace my past

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to figure out my future.

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"If you had a do-over with Matty,

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how would you handle it?"

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A do-over... it was
an interesting concept.

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And I knew exactly what
I would do differently.

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[Techno music]

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I was afraid you weren't gonna show.

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- Wait, I'm not going in there.
- Why not?

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Because if I do, we're gonna have sex.

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And I'll be totally into you,

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and you'll ignore me, and
I'm not cool with that.

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So if you wanna get to know me,

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ask me out.

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[Acoustic guitar music]

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♪ When we meet again

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♪ my bones will ache

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Didn't you hear me yelling at you

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to come get your clothes when you came in?

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Yeah, I heard you.

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I just didn't feel like doing it.

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Watch your tone, young lady,

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or you can start doing your own laundry.

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This letter came for you.

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I'll take the clothes, but...

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you might wanna rethink that.

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[School bell rings]

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Guys, this is Jenna.

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Hey.

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Sit next to me.

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Jenna, you would look so
pretty with a makeover.

104
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Oh, damn, is it "bring
a freak to lunch" day?

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I totally forgot mine.

106
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Back off, Sadie.

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Jenna and I are together now.

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We are?

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I hope so. [Chuckles]

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Spoiler alert, you won't last the week.

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So forgive me if I don't
commit your name to memory.

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You're welcome.

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Like a hungry coyote,

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Sadie preyed on the weak and wounded.

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If showed any fear at all,

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she'd spend the rest of
the year eating me alive.

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Well, I already know your name.

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It's Sadie Sucks-ton, right?

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[Chuckles]

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- [Laughs]
- Sorry.

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I'm not sorry.

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You are such a bitch.

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I like you.

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[Laid-back music]

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So, "J", are you hanging with us today,

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or are you eating at the V.I.P. table?

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It's been, like, a week.

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Well, I'd rather eat with you guys,

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but I don't wanna hurt Matty's feelings.

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- What about our feelings?
- Come on, guys.

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It's not like I'm gonna be BFFs with Sadie

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and become popular overnight.

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[Techno music]

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♪ Come with me come with me ♪

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Where'd you score the lactoids, Hamilton...

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sudden grown spurt or cutlets?

137
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- I got a boob job.
- Overnight?

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I heal fast.

139
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Do you think I should get implants?

140
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Maybe just a lift.

141
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And a nipple reduction.

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Hamilton, can we sidebar?

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Isn't it obvious? She's moved on.

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So feel free to resume your
life on the D-list without her.

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You're welcome.

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Come on, Sadie.

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To join the mob, you proved your loyalty

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by making your first kill.

149
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To stay popular, I had to
sacrifice my friendships.

150
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They're not D-listers...

151
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unless you grade on a curve

152
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the size of her shelf-butt.

153
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[Laughter]

154
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Sorry. I'm not sorry.

155
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And just like that, I was made.

156
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Nice whore-drobe, skanksquatch.

157
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This is the first time you've come up

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on my radar, Miss Hamilton,

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and I hope it's the last.

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[Cell phone chimes] Yeah, me too.

161
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Why am I here?

162
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Because I didn't like mean girls

163
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when I was in high school,

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and I don't care for them now.

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If you're calling me a mean girl,

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you better have the proof to back it up.

167
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Because the way I see it, that's slander.

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Oh, no. No, no, no.

169
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I wasn't implying that.

170
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I meant that as a popular,

171
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envied student with good hair

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and a great set of bazooms,

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you have the opportunity
to use your power for good.

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Okay, val, why don't I start with you?

175
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Unless you keep a lid on the crazy

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and stop dressing like a Walmart greeter,

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the only action you're ever gonna get

178
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is your annual visit to the gyno.

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Sorry. I'm not sorry.

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[Rock music]

181
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Whenever peeps bitched about high school

182
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being the most painful time of their lives,

183
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I always assumed they were losers.

184
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Because I was halfway
through sophomore year

185
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and I was killing it.

186
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Every girl wanted to be me and

187
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every guy wanted to bone...
except the gay ones,

188
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who still wanted to see my boobs.

189
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But even though my life was perfect,

190
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I couldn't help by wonder

191
00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:09,187
why the hell was I wasting time

192
00:07:09,189 --> 00:07:11,089
recounting every little
thing that happened to me

193
00:07:11,091 --> 00:07:12,990
on some lame blog?

194
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Blogging was stupid.

195
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Hey, pretty girl.

196
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I need your expert opinion.

197
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What do you think of this
for the Sotos' cocktail party?

198
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Add earrings. Hoops, not studs.

199
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Change the pumps. And you might wanna

200
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think about busting out the spanx.

201
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Oh. Thanks, honey.

202
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I would be a mess without you.

203
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Oh, and this letter came for you.

204
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Can you read it to me?

205
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My nails are still wet.

206
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Okay.

207
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"Dear, Jenna, as you are now,

208
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you are... awesome!

209
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Words cannot express

210
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how perfect you are in every way.

211
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You are a role model
for girls the world over,

212
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because you are beautiful, skinny,

213
00:08:01,841 --> 00:08:03,741
cool and stylish.

214
00:08:03,743 --> 00:08:07,878
I would not change a
single thing about you.

215
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Love, mom."

216
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Thanks, Lace.

217
00:08:20,627 --> 00:08:21,926
[Knock at door]

218
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You can go now.

219
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Okay.

220
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[Door opens]

221
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Wow. You look smokin'.

222
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,044
I am smokin'.

223
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[Laughs]

224
00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:37,748
I saw Tamara at the game
and she asked about you.

225
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,216
You should really hang
out with her sometime.

226
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I can't. She's a dork.

227
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,487
And I don't have that luxury now.

228
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,154
As the most popular girl at Palos Hills,

229
00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:46,824
it's my job to worry
about what everyone thinks.

230
00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:49,360
And they think about me all the time.

231
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,128
Well, for whatever it's worth,

232
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:52,730
Tamara misses you. Shut up.

233
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:55,833
- No, really, she does.
- No, really, shut up.

234
00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:06,343
Mmm.

235
00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:07,945
Oh, I can't be horizontal.

236
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,380
I just had a blowout.

237
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,849
Babe, I just got lasered!

238
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:13,417
Lay off the merch.

239
00:09:13,419 --> 00:09:15,686
I told you, they have to settle in.

240
00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:17,822
It's been three months.

241
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:20,558
<i>["Bad Feeling" by Veronica Falls]</i>

242
00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:23,187
♪ Your face in the mirror ♪

243
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:24,789
So, are you thinking

244
00:09:24,791 --> 00:09:26,958
limo or town car for the dance?

245
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,392
I told you 20 times,

246
00:09:28,394 --> 00:09:30,461
I want a black on black stretch limo.

247
00:09:30,463 --> 00:09:31,929
Do I need to write it down,

248
00:09:31,931 --> 00:09:34,732
or is reading an issue?

249
00:09:38,637 --> 00:09:40,437
Don't get mad at me for saying this,

250
00:09:40,439 --> 00:09:41,672
but someone has to.

251
00:09:41,674 --> 00:09:43,641
Jenna Hamilton's a raging bitch.

252
00:09:43,643 --> 00:09:45,375
I know. But she hasn't always

253
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,644
been like that, man.

254
00:09:46,646 --> 00:09:49,279
She used to be really cool.

255
00:09:49,281 --> 00:09:53,017
She was the first girl who
actually liked me for me...

256
00:09:53,019 --> 00:09:54,518
or so I thought.

257
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,088
So then why do you put up with her crap?

258
00:09:57,090 --> 00:09:59,624
I don't think we should
see each other anymore.

259
00:09:59,626 --> 00:10:01,558
I'm sorry, Jenna, you're just...

260
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,961
you're not the same girl I met at camp.

261
00:10:03,963 --> 00:10:05,262
You changed.

262
00:10:05,264 --> 00:10:08,265
And to be honest, I'm
kinda into someone else,

263
00:10:08,267 --> 00:10:10,901
someone off the grid and...

264
00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:13,504
and normal and down to earth.

265
00:10:13,506 --> 00:10:15,940
You stupid moron.

266
00:10:15,942 --> 00:10:17,574
You can't break up with me.

267
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,110
I'm breaking up with you.

268
00:10:19,112 --> 00:10:21,712
And for the record, it's not me, it's you.

269
00:10:21,714 --> 00:10:23,648
I don't need you anyway.

270
00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:25,482
I could have anybody I want.

271
00:10:25,484 --> 00:10:28,119
I'm Jenna Hamilton!

272
00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:35,726
[Screams]

273
00:10:38,102 --> 00:10:39,744
Since my due-over fantasy turned out

274
00:10:39,745 --> 00:10:40,977
to be more of a nightmare,

275
00:10:40,979 --> 00:10:43,614
I decided second-guessing myself

276
00:10:43,616 --> 00:10:45,048
wasn't the way to go.

277
00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:46,950
Maybe I had made the right decision

278
00:10:46,952 --> 00:10:48,686
to go into that closet with Matty.

279
00:10:48,688 --> 00:10:51,455
"Enough about Matty. I'm pro Jake.

280
00:10:51,457 --> 00:10:53,457
How did you tank that relationship?"

281
00:10:53,459 --> 00:10:55,258
Thought that was pretty obvious.

282
00:10:55,260 --> 00:10:58,429
I should've told him the truth
about Matty from the beginning.

283
00:10:58,431 --> 00:10:59,963
But I couldn't go back
to the scene of the crime

284
00:10:59,965 --> 00:11:03,467
to right the wrong...  or could I?

285
00:11:06,237 --> 00:11:07,571
Stop.

286
00:11:07,573 --> 00:11:08,772
Before you kiss me, you should know.

287
00:11:08,774 --> 00:11:10,006
That guy I've been upset about,

288
00:11:10,008 --> 00:11:11,575
it isn't you. It's Matty.

289
00:11:11,577 --> 00:11:12,843
I just had to lay it out there

290
00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:14,345
before you got further invested in me

291
00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:16,313
and I got invested in
you because if I didn't,

292
00:11:16,315 --> 00:11:17,748
someone would've gotten hurt...

293
00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:19,950
namely you, with a punch to the face.

294
00:11:19,952 --> 00:11:21,852
So if given the choice
between you or Matty,

295
00:11:21,854 --> 00:11:24,154
which normally I would debate for months,

296
00:11:24,156 --> 00:11:25,522
I pick you.

297
00:11:25,524 --> 00:11:27,123
This is a lot to process.

298
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:29,426
Trust me, you'll be much happier with me

299
00:11:29,428 --> 00:11:30,661
than you'd ever be with Lissa.

300
00:11:30,663 --> 00:11:32,028
So I'll break it off with Matty,

301
00:11:32,030 --> 00:11:35,131
you get rid of Lissa,
and we can be together.

302
00:11:38,169 --> 00:11:39,837
What I'm saying is,

303
00:11:39,839 --> 00:11:42,573
I don't think that either
one of us has been happy.

304
00:11:42,575 --> 00:11:45,108
I feel like I need some space.

305
00:11:45,110 --> 00:11:47,511
You're transferring to another school?

306
00:11:47,513 --> 00:11:49,346
No, Liss.

307
00:11:49,348 --> 00:11:53,384
I think that we should, you know...

308
00:11:53,386 --> 00:11:55,552
- break up.
- But I really like you.

309
00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:57,388
Actions speak louder than words,

310
00:11:57,390 --> 00:12:00,791
which is why I'm gonna be
dating your best friend.

311
00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:02,025
What?

312
00:12:02,027 --> 00:12:03,527
Yeah.

313
00:12:03,529 --> 00:12:05,929
[Exhales]

314
00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:07,758
Should we be doing this in your room?

315
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,659
In my fantasy, my mom and dad

316
00:12:09,661 --> 00:12:11,194
were out of town... a lot.

317
00:12:11,196 --> 00:12:13,930
My parents are in...  Aruba.

318
00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:16,099
It was a win-win for everybody.

319
00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:18,501
Cool.

320
00:12:18,503 --> 00:12:19,970
- Ahh, yeah.
- Aah.

321
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:21,872
- Both: Ahh.
- Wait, wait.

322
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:23,406
- [Moans]
- Ooh, don't move.

323
00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:24,707
Yeah.

324
00:12:24,709 --> 00:12:27,244
[Exhales]

325
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,646
Oh, my God.

326
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:31,248
Oh, my God.

327
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:34,284
"T," the sex with mind-blowing.

328
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:36,019
It wasn't just a physical experience.

329
00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:38,621
It was emotional and spiritual.

330
00:12:38,623 --> 00:12:39,990
There was zero chemistry.

331
00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:41,825
Sorry, man. That blows.

332
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,126
I don't mean to be weird,

333
00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:45,061
but was there chemistry with you and Jenna

334
00:12:45,063 --> 00:12:46,897
- the first time?
- Definitely.

335
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:48,531
So it is me.

336
00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:49,800
Damn it!

337
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:51,334
Maybe I should try it again.

338
00:12:51,336 --> 00:12:55,672
Hey, do you mind waiting in the car?

339
00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:57,740
♪ Oh, I need

340
00:12:57,742 --> 00:13:01,778
♪ your bedroom eyes

341
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:07,517
♪ oh, I need your bedroom eyes ♪

342
00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:12,088
I wasn't sure if it was exhaustion

343
00:13:12,090 --> 00:13:13,857
from our recent bone-a-thon,

344
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,292
but Jake was acting strange.

345
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,427
Maybe he was afraid I wasn't as into him

346
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:18,929
as he was into me.

347
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:21,231
And there was only one way
to set his mind at ease.

348
00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,233
I love you.

349
00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:25,768
Awesome.

350
00:13:31,042 --> 00:13:33,076
Awesome? What was that?

351
00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:34,544
You need to back off.

352
00:13:34,546 --> 00:13:37,147
As in, put your thing down,
flip it, and reverse it.

353
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:38,982
You're gonna scare him away.

354
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,550
But I love him.

355
00:13:40,552 --> 00:13:41,818
That's the sex talking.

356
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,820
Yeah. You're in a sex trance.

357
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,655
No, I'm not.

358
00:13:45,657 --> 00:13:46,990
Am I?

359
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,291
You were so right.

360
00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:50,360
Jake's totally cooled it on that skitch.

361
00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:53,129
So instead of looking like an a-hole

362
00:13:53,131 --> 00:13:54,931
by punching Jenna in the face

363
00:13:54,933 --> 00:13:56,967
or putting bleach in her shampoo...

364
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,835
I was just spit-balling.

365
00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:00,670
You're in the perfect position

366
00:14:00,672 --> 00:14:03,373
to swoop in and win him back.

367
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:05,575
You're welcome.

368
00:14:05,577 --> 00:14:07,810
Now get in there...

369
00:14:07,812 --> 00:14:09,779
and act cool.

370
00:14:09,781 --> 00:14:11,514
Yeah.

371
00:14:11,736 --> 00:14:13,603
I just feel like she's suffocating me

372
00:14:13,605 --> 00:14:15,671
and I can't even talk to her about it.

373
00:14:15,673 --> 00:14:17,540
I'm sorry. Is this weird for you?

374
00:14:17,542 --> 00:14:19,909
No! I like hearing about you and Jenna,

375
00:14:19,911 --> 00:14:21,711
especially how she annoys you.

376
00:14:21,713 --> 00:14:24,247
Well, I probably shouldn't be saying this,

377
00:14:24,249 --> 00:14:26,782
but I think I made a mistake.

378
00:14:26,784 --> 00:14:27,950
I miss you, Liss.

379
00:14:27,952 --> 00:14:29,219
[Squeals] Yay!

380
00:14:29,221 --> 00:14:31,053
We're back together.

381
00:14:31,055 --> 00:14:33,089
[Giggles]

382
00:14:33,091 --> 00:14:34,924
[Kissing]

383
00:14:34,926 --> 00:14:36,392
Oh, yeah.

384
00:14:36,394 --> 00:14:38,528
Jake's about to pump and dump you.

385
00:14:38,530 --> 00:14:40,396
He's getting back together with dumb-o.

386
00:14:40,398 --> 00:14:42,098
No way. We're in love.

387
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:44,033
You're in love. He's in awesome.

388
00:14:44,035 --> 00:14:46,002
[Cell phone chimes]

389
00:14:47,204 --> 00:14:49,105
<i>He is dumping me.</i>

390
00:14:49,107 --> 00:14:50,306
What do I do?

391
00:14:50,308 --> 00:14:52,675
- You need a sexorcism.
- No! Save face.

392
00:14:52,677 --> 00:14:54,877
Blindside him with a preemptive dump.

393
00:14:54,879 --> 00:14:57,079
But he's the one.

394
00:14:57,081 --> 00:15:00,150
Both: Sex trance.

395
00:15:00,332 --> 00:15:01,731
[Exhales] Ooh.

396
00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:04,667
I have received many a similar text.

397
00:15:04,669 --> 00:15:06,803
There is no doubt about it, you are toast.

398
00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:08,871
- So how do I keep him?
- We have two options.

399
00:15:08,873 --> 00:15:11,307
One, you tattoo Jake's name on your arm

400
00:15:11,309 --> 00:15:13,242
where it's visible to the viewing public.

401
00:15:13,244 --> 00:15:15,311
Then you beg him to stay together.

402
00:15:15,313 --> 00:15:17,179
He'll say yes because he's a sucker.

403
00:15:17,181 --> 00:15:20,683
And then, never get it removed.

404
00:15:20,685 --> 00:15:22,952
Or we could do it the old-fashioned way.

405
00:15:22,954 --> 00:15:26,589
I'm pregnant.

406
00:15:26,591 --> 00:15:30,226
[Giggling]

407
00:15:30,228 --> 00:15:31,661
[Snickering]

408
00:15:31,663 --> 00:15:33,663
Looks like history's repeating itself.

409
00:15:33,665 --> 00:15:35,264
Maybe you'll have a girl so you can

410
00:15:35,266 --> 00:15:37,299
pass on the legacy of slutitude.

411
00:15:37,301 --> 00:15:39,068
Just because Jake and I are back together,

412
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:41,404
doesn't mean I'm gonna
help you raise your baby.

413
00:15:41,406 --> 00:15:43,740
Unless it's, like, really cute.

414
00:15:47,978 --> 00:15:49,579
This day sucks.

415
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,313
Which is what you should've done

416
00:15:51,315 --> 00:15:53,282
so you wouldn't be in this position.

417
00:15:53,284 --> 00:15:55,317
My advice, give that
rugrat up for adoption.

418
00:15:55,319 --> 00:15:56,686
Cute white babies go faster

419
00:15:56,688 --> 00:15:58,254
than singles at a titty bar.

420
00:15:58,256 --> 00:15:59,789
Guys, I'm still eating for one.

421
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:01,591
I just said that to hold on to Jake.

422
00:16:01,593 --> 00:16:03,058
You were trying to trap him?

423
00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:04,394
[Shushes]

424
00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:05,795
You make it sound so horrible.

425
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:08,664
Jenna, it is horrible.

426
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:12,568
So you're not pregnant?

427
00:16:14,938 --> 00:16:16,238
Sorry.

428
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,707
I just didn't want to lose you.

429
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:20,610
Even if you were, we
could never be together.

430
00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:22,678
I would love that really cute baby,

431
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,481
but I would never love you.

432
00:16:31,755 --> 00:16:33,423
What are you guys doing here?

433
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:34,657
Shouldn't you be in Aruba?

434
00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:36,526
We should be.

435
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,260
Seems like we're there a lot these days.

436
00:16:38,262 --> 00:16:40,262
We came home as soon as we got the news.

437
00:16:40,264 --> 00:16:41,697
I'm not pregnant.

438
00:16:41,699 --> 00:16:44,199
It was a last-ditch
effort to try an keep Jake.

439
00:16:44,201 --> 00:16:46,536
Oh, thank God.

440
00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:47,970
[Laughs]

441
00:16:47,972 --> 00:16:50,840
I am far too hot to be a grandma.

442
00:16:50,842 --> 00:16:52,909
I don't trust you anymore, Jenna,

443
00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:56,813
which is why I need you
to pee on this stick.

444
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:58,414
[Sighs]

445
00:16:58,416 --> 00:17:00,382
I can't believe you're
making me do this, dad.

446
00:17:00,384 --> 00:17:02,251
I'm so not...

447
00:17:02,253 --> 00:17:04,386
pregnant?

448
00:17:06,356 --> 00:17:07,723
Switch places with me, mama bear.

449
00:17:07,725 --> 00:17:10,793
You don't need to see that.

450
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:13,796
[Shudders]

451
00:17:13,798 --> 00:17:15,331
Dodged a bullet.

452
00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:17,333
♪ Upside down

453
00:17:20,685 --> 00:17:21,810
Turns out, I couldn't trust

454
00:17:21,811 --> 00:17:24,046
my instincts or my blog,

455
00:17:24,048 --> 00:17:26,282
which apparently was
hijacked by an angry muse

456
00:17:26,284 --> 00:17:29,452
determined to send my
do-overs off the rails.

457
00:17:29,454 --> 00:17:32,855
Or was gut subconsciously
trying to protect me

458
00:17:32,857 --> 00:17:35,324
from a miserable future with both guys?

459
00:17:35,486 --> 00:17:38,220
Which meant there was a
third party in the mix.

460
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:42,391
I could pick Jake or Matty or no one.

461
00:17:43,940 --> 00:17:45,907
I still can't believe you blew off camp

462
00:17:45,909 --> 00:17:48,444
for summer school. It was so worth it.

463
00:17:48,446 --> 00:17:51,580
With the extra credits,
I can graduate early.

464
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:03,592
Why would you wanna do that?

465
00:18:03,594 --> 00:18:06,495
Because nothing interesting
ever happens in high school.

466
00:18:06,497 --> 00:18:08,964
Really, not even getting digitized

467
00:18:08,966 --> 00:18:11,900
by Ricky Schwartz in the back of the bus?

468
00:18:11,902 --> 00:18:15,404
You dirty little... you know what.

469
00:18:20,377 --> 00:18:21,910
If you had gone to camp, "J,"

470
00:18:21,912 --> 00:18:23,612
maybe you'd be a woman of the world too.

471
00:18:23,614 --> 00:18:28,250
Matty McKibben worked at
Camp Pookah this summer.

472
00:18:28,252 --> 00:18:31,520
Why does everyone always call
that guy by his full name?

473
00:18:31,522 --> 00:18:34,256
Like Matty McKibben would ever notice me.

474
00:18:34,258 --> 00:18:35,891
Camp levels out the playing field.

475
00:18:35,893 --> 00:18:37,860
Imagine if you guys had hooked up,

476
00:18:37,862 --> 00:18:40,262
or had sex in a closet or something.

477
00:18:40,264 --> 00:18:41,530
Boy, this year would be different.

478
00:18:41,532 --> 00:18:44,366
Me and Matty McKibben? Yeah, right.

479
00:18:45,769 --> 00:18:48,637
Oh. Whoa.

480
00:18:48,639 --> 00:18:50,105
I'm sorry about that.

481
00:18:50,107 --> 00:18:52,107
That's okay.

482
00:18:52,109 --> 00:18:54,242
Missed one.

483
00:18:56,012 --> 00:18:57,780
Without so much as a flirtatious wink

484
00:18:57,782 --> 00:19:00,783
from Matty or a coy smile from Jake,

485
00:19:00,785 --> 00:19:02,684
the boys walked off with their girls,

486
00:19:02,686 --> 00:19:06,622
never even bothering to ask Jenna's name.

487
00:19:15,398 --> 00:19:19,468
[Indistinct chatter]

488
00:19:19,470 --> 00:19:21,403
Isn't it great that Matty and Jake

489
00:19:21,405 --> 00:19:24,540
finally came out of the closet?

490
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:31,854
What I discovered during my
journey into the world of fiction,

491
00:19:31,873 --> 00:19:34,800
one, there was no point
in hoping for a do-over,

492
00:19:34,850 --> 00:19:37,247
because sometimes, they
suck more than the reality,

493
00:19:37,265 --> 00:19:39,799
two, I did not want to write fiction,

494
00:19:39,974 --> 00:19:42,489
three, I couldn't write fiction,

495
00:19:42,609 --> 00:19:46,136
and four, I couldn't write
the facts with an audience.

496
00:19:46,325 --> 00:19:48,783
So when it came to the
boys, I had no regret.

497
00:19:49,190 --> 00:19:51,211
If I hadn't trusted my instincts,

498
00:19:51,268 --> 00:19:55,979
I would have missed out on some amazing,
and incredibly painful experiences.

499
00:19:56,016 --> 00:19:58,682
Experiences that made me who I am.

500
00:19:58,726 --> 00:20:00,816
Who paved the way for who I'd be.

501
00:20:01,104 --> 00:20:03,950
Good, bad or ugly, I was
going to go with my gut,

502
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,977
if a do-over wasn't an option

503
00:20:05,983 --> 00:20:07,654
maybe a start over was.

504
00:20:07,835 --> 00:20:10,225
And I finally knew who it would be with.

505
00:20:10,657 --> 00:20:12,816
But why was I telling the public at large?

506
00:20:13,041 --> 00:20:14,924
It should be private.

507
00:20:16,666 --> 00:20:26,790
Synced and corrected by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com

508
00:20:27,055 --> 00:20:28,288
Next on Awkward...

509
00:20:28,313 --> 00:20:31,322
Spin the bottle, it was a
wreck of a rite of passage.

510
00:20:31,442 --> 00:20:33,187
The bottle didn't know what I wanted,

511
00:20:33,218 --> 00:20:34,382
but I did.

512
00:20:34,432 --> 00:20:37,980
Remember, all good things in my life,
are closely followed by something bad.

513
00:20:37,983 --> 00:20:40,729
The other shoe is poised
to drop at any moment.

514
00:20:40,730 --> 00:20:42,562
Surprise!

515
00:20:42,563 --> 00:20:43,977
Ever heard of knock?!