1
00:00:03,501 --> 00:00:05,156
Oh, my God.
2
00:00:05,157 --> 00:00:06,255
♪
3
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,238
♪.
4
00:00:08,239 --> 00:00:10,334
♪
5
00:00:10,335 --> 00:00:12,803
♪.
6
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:14,571
Mouth open and eyes closed.
7
00:00:14,573 --> 00:00:16,823
Oh. Here's one
with everything open:
8
00:00:16,825 --> 00:00:20,510
Mouth, eyes and fly.
9
00:00:20,512 --> 00:00:22,179
Our entire wedding,
it looks like
10
00:00:22,181 --> 00:00:24,781
he should be hanging
from the end of a fish hook.
11
00:00:24,783 --> 00:00:27,050
Well, it is
pretty lifelike.
12
00:00:27,052 --> 00:00:28,802
I mean, he does have
his mouth open
13
00:00:28,804 --> 00:00:31,888
and his eyes closed
most of the time, so...
14
00:00:31,890 --> 00:00:35,675
Sometimes I like to toss
popcorn into that gaping hole.
15
00:00:35,677 --> 00:00:38,895
Like littering in
the Grand Canyon.
16
00:00:41,549 --> 00:00:43,733
Oh, he's smiling
in this one!
17
00:00:43,735 --> 00:00:45,235
Maybe I can
Photoshop my head
18
00:00:45,237 --> 00:00:48,605
onto the woman serving
him garlic mashed potatoes.
19
00:00:48,607 --> 00:00:51,491
Good idea. Certainly looks like
he's in love with her.
20
00:00:52,827 --> 00:00:55,283
Hey, what are you guys doing?
21
00:00:57,748 --> 00:00:59,499
I'm looking at
wedding picture...
22
00:00:59,501 --> 00:01:01,701
Where did you
get that cake?
23
00:01:03,838 --> 00:01:06,623
Found it.
24
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,844
Is that our wedding cake
from the freezer?
25
00:01:12,263 --> 00:01:14,264
Maybe.
26
00:01:14,266 --> 00:01:15,498
Mike, we're supposed
to save that
27
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:17,100
to eat on our first anniversary.
28
00:01:17,102 --> 00:01:18,468
Oh, is that why
you had it barricaded
29
00:01:18,470 --> 00:01:20,303
behind those ice trays
and that bag of peas?
30
00:01:20,305 --> 00:01:22,389
'Cause I almost didn't find it.
31
00:01:22,391 --> 00:01:23,807
Put it back!
32
00:01:23,809 --> 00:01:25,275
It's just a
little sliver,
33
00:01:25,277 --> 00:01:27,177
and I only got one
piece at the wedding!
34
00:01:27,179 --> 00:01:28,228
Really?
35
00:01:28,230 --> 00:01:30,680
Is that the story
you're sticking to?
36
00:01:31,899 --> 00:01:33,366
Maybe.
37
00:01:33,368 --> 00:01:34,935
Okay.
38
00:01:34,937 --> 00:01:36,570
Oh, the first piece
was consumed
39
00:01:36,572 --> 00:01:39,239
while the entreat was
being brought out. No.
40
00:01:39,241 --> 00:01:41,374
The second was hiding
behind the drummer
41
00:01:41,376 --> 00:01:44,027
while the band
played "Hokey Pokey."
44
00:01:49,534 --> 00:01:51,134
Well, that speech
went on forever.
45
00:01:51,136 --> 00:01:52,519
What'd you want me to
do, starve to death?
46
00:01:52,521 --> 00:01:54,304
Mike!
Fine!
47
00:01:54,306 --> 00:01:55,555
I didn't trust
that photographer
48
00:01:55,557 --> 00:01:57,340
the minute I met him.
49
00:01:57,342 --> 00:02:02,045
Hey, didn't stop you
from eating his cake!
50
00:02:02,047 --> 00:02:06,883
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
51
00:02:06,885 --> 00:02:10,237
♪ I see love. ♪
52
00:02:10,238 --> 00:02:12,394
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
53
00:02:25,570 --> 00:02:29,874
I mean, who saves
cake for a year?
54
00:02:29,876 --> 00:02:33,010
Certainly nobody
that lives with you.
55
00:02:33,012 --> 00:02:35,963
You're like one of those
drug-sniffing dogs.
56
00:02:35,965 --> 00:02:38,382
Except with donut holes
and Ding Dongs.
57
00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:40,417
You could smell a candy wrapper
58
00:02:40,419 --> 00:02:42,603
and find a little kid
in a well.
59
00:02:43,922 --> 00:02:45,522
Apparently, if you eat
the cake a year later,
60
00:02:45,524 --> 00:02:46,774
it's supposed to
bring you luck.
61
00:02:46,776 --> 00:02:48,225
Well, if eating cake
brought somebody luck,
62
00:02:48,227 --> 00:02:51,362
you should have a pot o' gold
instead of a pot o' belly.
63
00:02:51,364 --> 00:02:54,431
I only had a couple of bites,
and now I'm back on my diet.
64
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:55,616
All right,
well, stay on it,
65
00:02:55,618 --> 00:02:56,817
because if things
go as planned,
66
00:02:56,819 --> 00:02:58,202
you're gonna need to squeeze
into another tuxedo.
67
00:02:58,204 --> 00:02:59,486
Carl, I've told
you before,
68
00:02:59,488 --> 00:03:03,106
I am not joining your
O'Jays tribute band.
69
00:03:03,108 --> 00:03:05,209
This ain't about "Love Train."
70
00:03:05,211 --> 00:03:07,161
This is about you being
the best man at my wedding.
71
00:03:07,163 --> 00:03:08,412
Your wedding? I thought
Christina told you
72
00:03:08,414 --> 00:03:09,663
she wanted to
take it slow.
73
00:03:09,665 --> 00:03:11,215
She does.
74
00:03:11,217 --> 00:03:13,968
But she also said wearing
tube socks in bed wasn't sexy,
75
00:03:13,970 --> 00:03:17,338
and she's starting to
change her tune on that one.
76
00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:18,789
I see what
you're doing.
77
00:03:18,791 --> 00:03:20,624
You're speeding things up
so she doesn't have time
78
00:03:20,626 --> 00:03:22,509
to think about how much
better she could do.
79
00:03:22,511 --> 00:03:23,510
Exactly.
80
00:03:23,512 --> 00:03:24,845
When it comes to women,
81
00:03:24,847 --> 00:03:27,982
"thinkin' time" has never
worked in my favor.
82
00:03:30,352 --> 00:03:32,686
Thank you for editing our
wedding video for us.
83
00:03:32,688 --> 00:03:33,776
My pleasure.
84
00:03:33,777 --> 00:03:35,856
I'm actually
kind of a film buff.
85
00:03:35,858 --> 00:03:37,358
Major influences, other
than Bergman, of course...
86
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,492
Right, right.
87
00:03:38,494 --> 00:03:41,328
Why don't you just
show me what you got?
88
00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:45,115
Oh. Now, bear in mind,
this is just a rough edit.
89
00:03:45,117 --> 00:03:46,500
(romantic guitar music playing)
90
00:03:46,502 --> 00:03:48,535
Oh...
(chuckles)
91
00:03:48,537 --> 00:03:51,622
HARRY: In a church in
a neighborhood far, far away,
92
00:03:51,624 --> 00:03:53,657
two stars collide
in an orbit
93
00:03:53,659 --> 00:03:56,210
filled with friends and family.
94
00:03:56,212 --> 00:03:57,544
(stops playback)
95
00:03:57,546 --> 00:03:59,162
Did you narrate
the whole thing?
96
00:03:59,164 --> 00:04:01,498
God, no. Voice-over is a crutch.
97
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,635
I just added it to cover
some of the slow spots.
98
00:04:04,637 --> 00:04:07,938
Warning: there are
a lot of slow spots.
99
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:10,691
"Slow spots"?
100
00:04:10,693 --> 00:04:12,376
The day practically
flew by.
101
00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:14,845
That wasn't the scuttlebutt
in my pew.
102
00:04:14,847 --> 00:04:16,814
Uh, by the way,
103
00:04:16,816 --> 00:04:18,532
Mike's vows were
a little muffled,
104
00:04:18,534 --> 00:04:20,150
so I had to loop his dialogue.
105
00:04:20,152 --> 00:04:21,902
What do you
mean, loop it?
106
00:04:21,904 --> 00:04:22,987
HARRY:
Molly Flynn...
107
00:04:22,989 --> 00:04:24,371
Oh, God.
108
00:04:24,373 --> 00:04:25,606
I love you,
109
00:04:25,608 --> 00:04:27,574
and every moment of my life
has meaning because...
110
00:04:27,576 --> 00:04:28,959
I do.
111
00:04:28,961 --> 00:04:32,463
I think my reading was
a little more heartfelt.
112
00:04:32,465 --> 00:04:34,581
Just skip ahead
to the reception.
113
00:04:34,583 --> 00:04:37,501
(romantic guitar music playing)
114
00:04:37,503 --> 00:04:39,202
All right.
115
00:04:39,204 --> 00:04:40,704
Sound quality's good.
116
00:04:40,706 --> 00:04:43,307
Nicely paced.
117
00:04:43,309 --> 00:04:46,477
Wait, what are all the shots
of my sister's cleavage?
118
00:04:46,479 --> 00:04:48,846
What can I say?
The camera just loves her.
119
00:04:48,848 --> 00:04:50,047
No, you just love her!
120
00:04:50,049 --> 00:04:52,182
Did you happen to get
any footage of her face?
121
00:04:52,184 --> 00:04:53,267
You can actually catch
122
00:04:53,269 --> 00:04:56,219
a little reflection
in her wine glass.
123
00:04:56,221 --> 00:04:59,940
Very Citizen Kane.
You know, with the snow globe.
124
00:04:59,942 --> 00:05:02,326
Yeah, except your snow
globes have nipples.
125
00:05:02,328 --> 00:05:05,112
I have people coming to my
house tonight to see this
126
00:05:05,114 --> 00:05:06,531
and it's nowhere near done!
127
00:05:06,532 --> 00:05:07,698
So call your mother
128
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,917
and tell her you won't
be home for dinner.
129
00:05:09,919 --> 00:05:11,118
It's goulash night!
130
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,487
Sit!
131
00:05:13,489 --> 00:05:15,255
You're not leaving
until you've captured
132
00:05:15,257 --> 00:05:17,291
the magic that
was my wedding.
133
00:05:17,293 --> 00:05:19,793
And how about a shot
or two of the bride, huh?
134
00:05:19,795 --> 00:05:22,880
I mean, this is your money
right here, comprende?
135
00:05:22,882 --> 00:05:24,431
Comprende.
136
00:05:24,433 --> 00:05:26,249
What am I gonna do
137
00:05:26,251 --> 00:05:28,218
when your class
gets back from recess?
138
00:05:28,220 --> 00:05:31,421
Tell them you're a big, dumb kid
that was held back for 20 years.
139
00:05:31,423 --> 00:05:33,707
They'll believe it.
140
00:05:38,780 --> 00:05:40,481
It was nice of you to
bring lunch to Christina.
141
00:05:40,483 --> 00:05:41,532
Very thoughtful.
142
00:05:41,534 --> 00:05:43,367
Well, it's little
gestures like this
143
00:05:43,369 --> 00:05:44,902
that score big
points with a woman.
144
00:05:44,904 --> 00:05:48,605
Nothing says L-U-V
like a B-L-T.
145
00:05:48,607 --> 00:05:49,957
That's how you won my heart.
146
00:05:49,959 --> 00:05:52,292
(laughs)
147
00:05:52,294 --> 00:05:54,495
MIKE: Hey, that guy
looks familiar.
148
00:05:54,497 --> 00:05:55,879
Excuse me.
149
00:05:55,881 --> 00:05:58,298
Did you used to play
football for the U of I?
150
00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,050
A long time ago.
151
00:06:00,052 --> 00:06:01,251
James Turner.
152
00:06:01,253 --> 00:06:04,555
James Turner!
Best hands in the Big Ten!
153
00:06:04,557 --> 00:06:06,673
Hey, I was heartbroken
when you blew your knee out.
154
00:06:06,675 --> 00:06:09,643
Yeah, that wasn't a
good day for me either.
155
00:06:09,645 --> 00:06:11,011
I saw him play
against Michigan.
156
00:06:11,013 --> 00:06:13,263
He made a one-handed catch
in the back of the end zone,
157
00:06:13,265 --> 00:06:14,982
still gives me chills.
158
00:06:14,984 --> 00:06:16,150
James Turner?
159
00:06:16,152 --> 00:06:17,234
Yeah, I heard of him.
160
00:06:17,236 --> 00:06:18,652
So, uh, what are you up to?
161
00:06:18,654 --> 00:06:20,470
Sportscaster? Astronaut?
162
00:06:20,472 --> 00:06:22,106
If it's astronaut,
I got to admit,
163
00:06:22,108 --> 00:06:23,740
I don't really follow that.
164
00:06:23,742 --> 00:06:25,943
Actually, I'm
a lawyer now.
165
00:06:25,945 --> 00:06:26,977
Course you are.
166
00:06:26,979 --> 00:06:28,245
Guy like you
could do anything.
167
00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:29,813
He's not like
you and me, Carl.
168
00:06:29,815 --> 00:06:31,949
God gave this man two scoops.
169
00:06:31,951 --> 00:06:34,668
(laughs)
Uh, Carl,
170
00:06:34,670 --> 00:06:35,919
what are you doing here?
171
00:06:35,921 --> 00:06:38,038
Just dropping off a yummy
lunch for my honeybunch.
172
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,423
(chuckles)
173
00:06:39,425 --> 00:06:42,493
Actually, uh, I'm going out
to lunch with James.
174
00:06:42,495 --> 00:06:43,961
My ex-husband.
175
00:06:46,748 --> 00:06:47,798
Oh.
176
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:49,133
This is your James.
177
00:06:49,135 --> 00:06:52,352
That's where I heard
that name before.
178
00:06:53,488 --> 00:06:55,172
What's happenin', man?
179
00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:01,178
Oh, my God, you
divorced James Turner?
180
00:07:01,180 --> 00:07:04,648
How high is
your bar, lady?
181
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:06,850
CHRISTINA:
He came in town last minute.
182
00:07:06,852 --> 00:07:08,518
We're gonna go have lunch
and talk about James Junior.
183
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:09,686
Right.
184
00:07:09,688 --> 00:07:11,622
James Junior.
That's a good kid.
185
00:07:11,624 --> 00:07:14,708
Likes to sit on my back
while I'm doing pushups.
186
00:07:17,295 --> 00:07:18,862
I hate to ask,
187
00:07:18,864 --> 00:07:20,581
but, uh, could I
get a picture?
188
00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:21,665
Yeah, of course.
189
00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:22,799
Don't take it
from a low angle.
190
00:07:22,801 --> 00:07:25,035
I'm feeling a little
jowly today.
191
00:07:25,037 --> 00:07:26,253
I retain water.
192
00:07:26,255 --> 00:07:27,387
You retain ham.
193
00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:30,023
Just take the picture.
194
00:07:30,025 --> 00:07:31,041
All right,
there's your picture.
195
00:07:31,043 --> 00:07:32,342
We got to get back
on the streets.
196
00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:35,479
When we put on a uniform,
we're not playing games.
197
00:07:35,481 --> 00:07:37,431
We're saving lives.
198
00:07:41,686 --> 00:07:44,905
So you're in town for
a couple of days?
199
00:07:44,907 --> 00:07:46,523
Do you bowl?
200
00:07:46,525 --> 00:07:47,724
CARL:
Mike!
201
00:07:47,726 --> 00:07:49,443
I got to go.
That's my ride.
202
00:07:49,445 --> 00:07:50,477
Okay.
203
00:07:50,479 --> 00:07:52,412
(chuckles)
204
00:07:52,414 --> 00:07:55,999
I'll probably end up
sharing it with a homeless guy.
205
00:08:00,922 --> 00:08:02,005
You know, a lot of times
206
00:08:02,007 --> 00:08:03,257
when you meet those
superstar athletes,
207
00:08:03,259 --> 00:08:04,791
they can be
a little stuck up.
208
00:08:04,793 --> 00:08:08,262
Not James Turner.
Class act!
209
00:08:08,264 --> 00:08:10,430
He's kind of full of himself,
if you ask me.
210
00:08:10,432 --> 00:08:11,515
Why wouldn't he be?
211
00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:14,051
Smart, handsome,
and did you see his body?
212
00:08:14,053 --> 00:08:17,254
I'm not gay, but that's
one guy who could flip me.
213
00:08:17,256 --> 00:08:20,423
I hope he has a
big-ass spatula.
214
00:08:20,425 --> 00:08:21,692
Hey, do you think
215
00:08:21,694 --> 00:08:23,143
it's a little odd
she didn't mention
216
00:08:23,145 --> 00:08:25,729
he was in town or that she
was having lunch with him?
217
00:08:25,731 --> 00:08:27,231
Well, she said it was
a last-minute thing.
218
00:08:27,233 --> 00:08:28,815
Plus, when you're having
lunch with Superman,
219
00:08:28,817 --> 00:08:31,318
you're not gonna rub it
in Jughead's face.
220
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,153
Hey, that guy
ain't no big deal!
221
00:08:33,155 --> 00:08:34,437
Yeah, he played some
college football,
222
00:08:34,439 --> 00:08:37,291
got a little law degree.
Whoop-de-doo!
223
00:08:37,293 --> 00:08:39,409
Spoken like somebody
who never saw him play.
224
00:08:39,411 --> 00:08:41,495
I'm telling you,
that man had angel wings
225
00:08:41,497 --> 00:08:43,780
on that broad, muscly back.
226
00:08:44,949 --> 00:08:46,500
Again, not gay,
227
00:08:46,502 --> 00:08:49,553
but I see how a guy
could get there.
228
00:08:52,924 --> 00:08:55,175
Whoa, that is
a great picture.
229
00:08:55,177 --> 00:08:57,728
And James is not just
handsome and athletic,
230
00:08:57,730 --> 00:09:01,598
he's smart and charming
and very personable.
231
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,850
That is a rare
combination.
232
00:09:03,852 --> 00:09:06,303
Trust me, there's only
a few of us out there.
233
00:09:06,305 --> 00:09:07,321
Yeah, but he's a lawyer,
234
00:09:07,323 --> 00:09:08,972
and you know what
those guys are like.
235
00:09:08,974 --> 00:09:11,158
You mean rich?
Look at that suit.
236
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:14,244
I'm guessing it cost
more than your car.
237
00:09:14,246 --> 00:09:16,179
And I don't know what kind
of cologne he was wearing,
238
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,614
but it was intoxicating.
239
00:09:17,616 --> 00:09:20,483
Musky, but not overbearing.
240
00:09:20,485 --> 00:09:21,568
All right,
Harry's parking,
241
00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:23,153
so everybody get your
meat in the seats.
242
00:09:23,155 --> 00:09:25,088
It's showtime.
Where's Christina?
243
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:27,040
I don't know where she
is or what she's doing.
244
00:09:27,042 --> 00:09:29,159
Honestly, I don't even
know that woman anymore.
245
00:09:29,161 --> 00:09:32,296
So, what I'm hearing is
we can start without her.
246
00:09:32,298 --> 00:09:34,464
(knock on door)
247
00:09:35,984 --> 00:09:37,351
Where have you been?
248
00:09:37,353 --> 00:09:38,885
Sorry, but time
really flies
249
00:09:38,887 --> 00:09:41,104
when you're destroying
a masterpiece.
250
00:09:41,106 --> 00:09:42,656
Just start the DVD.
251
00:09:42,658 --> 00:09:44,474
Mom, Victoria, show time!
252
00:09:44,476 --> 00:09:46,360
You know, if I'm gonna sit
through this wedding again,
253
00:09:46,362 --> 00:09:48,178
I'm gonna need a
couple pops of hooch.
254
00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:49,396
Way ahead of you.
255
00:09:49,398 --> 00:09:50,680
Tequila shooters
for everybody.
256
00:09:50,682 --> 00:09:52,766
We can make a drinking
game out of it.
257
00:09:52,768 --> 00:09:55,319
Like every time we see Mike
having a piece of cake,
258
00:09:55,321 --> 00:09:57,704
we all do a shot.
259
00:09:57,706 --> 00:10:00,173
We are gonna get
so hammered.
260
00:10:00,175 --> 00:10:03,543
All right, welcome, all,
to the world premiere
261
00:10:03,545 --> 00:10:04,995
of Mike and Molly's Wedding.
262
00:10:04,997 --> 00:10:07,197
(chuckles)
Um...
263
00:10:07,199 --> 00:10:08,799
Everyone please
264
00:10:08,801 --> 00:10:12,202
put your cell phones to vibrate,
keep your chitchat to a minimum,
265
00:10:12,204 --> 00:10:15,839
and just prepare
to relive the magic.
266
00:10:15,841 --> 00:10:17,391
Press "play," Harry.
267
00:10:17,393 --> 00:10:20,394
(romantic guitar music playing)
268
00:10:20,396 --> 00:10:21,895
Their best
scenes were cut,
269
00:10:21,897 --> 00:10:23,814
but if you'd like
a private showing,
270
00:10:23,816 --> 00:10:25,315
that could
be arranged.
271
00:10:26,768 --> 00:10:29,236
Would you mind sitting
somewhere else?
272
00:10:29,238 --> 00:10:31,455
Closer or
further away?
273
00:10:31,457 --> 00:10:32,823
MOLLY:
Shh!
274
00:10:33,991 --> 00:10:35,742
Oh. Christina sends her best,
275
00:10:35,744 --> 00:10:37,494
but apparently,
she can't make it.
276
00:10:37,496 --> 00:10:39,396
Oh! Mike's
eating cake.
277
00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:44,501
How did you get cake
before the ceremony?
278
00:10:44,503 --> 00:10:46,336
It wasn't cake;
it was a cinnamon roll.
279
00:10:46,338 --> 00:10:48,605
You were late, and
my blood sugar was plummeting.
280
00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:49,923
SAMUEL:
How could that be?
281
00:10:49,925 --> 00:10:52,542
Your blood is
nothing but sugar.
282
00:10:52,544 --> 00:10:55,245
She doesn't say why,
she just says she can't make it.
283
00:10:55,247 --> 00:10:56,313
All right,
he's chewing something.
284
00:10:56,314 --> 00:10:57,381
I missed it.
Was that cake?
285
00:10:57,383 --> 00:10:58,682
Looks like either
a Chicklet
286
00:10:58,684 --> 00:11:00,600
or a Rolo.
Can we just say
287
00:11:00,602 --> 00:11:02,719
that whenever he puts
anything in his mouth,
288
00:11:02,721 --> 00:11:03,770
we get to drink?
289
00:11:03,772 --> 00:11:05,605
I don't think
we have enough tequila.
290
00:11:05,607 --> 00:11:08,024
I don't think Mexico
has enough tequila.
291
00:11:08,026 --> 00:11:10,193
Look at Christina.
Walking down the aisle
292
00:11:10,195 --> 00:11:12,779
right after
she told me she loved me.
293
00:11:12,781 --> 00:11:14,948
I guess those words
don't mean anything!
294
00:11:14,950 --> 00:11:18,568
Just something you say to a man
who's handing you his heart.
295
00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:21,238
Oh, you sweet angel.
296
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:25,409
You sweet, lying,
deceiving angel!
297
00:11:27,161 --> 00:11:29,446
CARL (sobbing):
Christina!
298
00:11:29,448 --> 00:11:31,631
Christina!
299
00:11:34,669 --> 00:11:36,720
Tootsie Roll!
300
00:11:50,988 --> 00:11:54,040
Anybody say anything
after I left last night?
301
00:11:54,042 --> 00:11:56,843
You mean after you walked
out of the living room
302
00:11:56,845 --> 00:11:59,495
and were crying in the kitchen
or after you walked out
303
00:11:59,497 --> 00:12:03,366
of the kitchen
and were crying on the porch?
304
00:12:03,368 --> 00:12:05,501
Porch.
305
00:12:06,287 --> 00:12:09,455
I heard all the
kitchen stuff.
306
00:12:09,457 --> 00:12:11,207
Aw, by then,
everybody was pretty soused
307
00:12:11,209 --> 00:12:14,460
from the "drink when
Mike eats cake" game.
308
00:12:14,462 --> 00:12:17,163
You know, I may
have a problem.
309
00:12:17,165 --> 00:12:20,466
Just so you know, last night
wasn't all about Christina.
310
00:12:20,468 --> 00:12:22,385
I always get
weepy at weddings.
311
00:12:22,387 --> 00:12:24,170
And dog shows, for some reason.
312
00:12:24,172 --> 00:12:27,640
It's a shame
they can't all be winners.
313
00:12:27,642 --> 00:12:29,776
I know,
you're a very sensitive man.
314
00:12:29,778 --> 00:12:32,779
And I'm sure Christina had a
good reason for not showing up.
315
00:12:32,781 --> 00:12:34,347
Yeah. Well, she's
a busy woman.
316
00:12:34,349 --> 00:12:36,616
She's got a career and a
kid... can't expect her
317
00:12:36,618 --> 00:12:38,785
to drop everything and
be at my beck and call.
318
00:12:38,787 --> 00:12:40,186
Very mature way
to think about it.
319
00:12:40,188 --> 00:12:42,739
I am a mature man, and this
is an adult relationship
320
00:12:42,741 --> 00:12:44,374
built on a *
and trust.
321
00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:46,292
Without trust, you got nothing.
322
00:12:46,294 --> 00:12:49,662
Uh-huh. So does that mean
we can stop circling her block?
323
00:12:49,664 --> 00:12:52,749
Mm, just a couple
more times.
324
00:12:58,305 --> 00:13:00,506
You're gonna be fine, Carl.
Just get some rest.
325
00:13:00,508 --> 00:13:02,392
And try not to do
anything stupid.
326
00:13:02,394 --> 00:13:03,726
Is he all right?
327
00:13:03,728 --> 00:13:06,179
Oh, no, he's gonna
do something stupid.
328
00:13:06,181 --> 00:13:07,980
Well, I hope they're
gonna be okay.
329
00:13:07,982 --> 00:13:09,649
I really like Christina.
Me, too.
330
00:13:09,651 --> 00:13:12,352
This is the first girl he ever
dated I wasn't scared of.
331
00:13:12,354 --> 00:13:13,353
(chuckles)
332
00:13:13,355 --> 00:13:15,088
There was this one
with an eye patch,
333
00:13:15,090 --> 00:13:16,856
she drove a school bus.
334
00:13:16,858 --> 00:13:19,308
School bus?
I think I've seen her.
335
00:13:19,310 --> 00:13:21,010
I hope it was her.
336
00:13:21,012 --> 00:13:23,663
I'd hate to think there's
two crazy one-eyed ladies
337
00:13:23,665 --> 00:13:25,564
carting kids around town.
338
00:13:25,566 --> 00:13:27,200
Oh, well, that job
doesn't always
339
00:13:27,202 --> 00:13:28,701
draw the cream
of the crop.
340
00:13:28,703 --> 00:13:30,870
No.
341
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:35,541
Sweetie, could I ask you a question?
Sure.
342
00:13:35,543 --> 00:13:37,093
You and I are good, right?
343
00:13:37,095 --> 00:13:38,577
Our relationship's
pretty solid.
344
00:13:38,579 --> 00:13:40,613
Is this about that "Bride
of Cake-enstein" crack
345
00:13:40,615 --> 00:13:41,798
I made last night?
346
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,434
'Cause I had had, like,
five shots of tequila.
347
00:13:44,436 --> 00:13:46,085
No, that was funny.
348
00:13:46,087 --> 00:13:48,688
And way more clever than
your mom just pointing at me
349
00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:51,357
and yelling,
"Tubby like cake!"
350
00:13:52,359 --> 00:13:54,444
Well, she's
a mean drunk.
351
00:13:54,446 --> 00:13:56,863
She's a mean sober.
352
00:13:56,865 --> 00:13:59,949
Don't worry, you and
I are more than good.
353
00:13:59,951 --> 00:14:01,284
We're great.
354
00:14:01,286 --> 00:14:03,769
Well, I know I'm the perfect
man in your eyes right now,
355
00:14:03,771 --> 00:14:06,072
but it might not
always be that way.
356
00:14:06,074 --> 00:14:07,540
Sure.
357
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:10,042
I mean, I can't
always expect you
358
00:14:10,044 --> 00:14:13,296
to maintain this
level of excellence.
359
00:14:13,298 --> 00:14:14,747
Right.
360
00:14:14,749 --> 00:14:17,250
I mean, if Christina could
get tired of James Turner,
361
00:14:17,252 --> 00:14:19,919
you might actually
grow tired of me one day.
362
00:14:19,921 --> 00:14:22,171
You've got to
be kidding me.
363
00:14:22,173 --> 00:14:23,589
He's an Adonis, right?
364
00:14:23,591 --> 00:14:25,224
Not him, you!
365
00:14:25,226 --> 00:14:27,593
This is the best picture
of you I've ever seen.
366
00:14:27,595 --> 00:14:30,930
Your eyes are open,
Mike, you're smiling.
367
00:14:30,932 --> 00:14:33,983
You're practically
glowing.
368
00:14:35,068 --> 00:14:39,605
What can I say? It was
a very special day for me.
369
00:14:41,391 --> 00:14:43,826
Unlike our wedding,
where every picture,
370
00:14:43,828 --> 00:14:47,113
it looks like you just
got hit by lightning.
371
00:14:47,115 --> 00:14:49,499
Well, those pictures
may not have turned out great,
372
00:14:49,501 --> 00:14:52,818
but... the ones
I carry in my heart...
373
00:14:52,820 --> 00:14:53,870
Mm-hmm.
374
00:14:53,872 --> 00:14:55,905
...are absolutely perfect.
375
00:14:55,907 --> 00:14:58,257
I'm surrounded
by the people I love,
376
00:14:58,259 --> 00:15:02,345
and I'm marrying the
beautiful woman of my dreams.
377
00:15:04,131 --> 00:15:07,467
You are one smooth
talking son of a bitch.
378
00:15:07,469 --> 00:15:09,969
Shut up and kiss me.
379
00:15:13,006 --> 00:15:14,557
CARL:
Yeah, Christina,
380
00:15:14,559 --> 00:15:16,008
I'm gonna need you
to call me back,
381
00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:17,343
'cause I'm tired
of this guessing game.
382
00:15:17,345 --> 00:15:18,811
I mean, if you're done with me,
that's fine,
383
00:15:18,813 --> 00:15:20,530
but I need to know
so I can move on.
384
00:15:20,532 --> 00:15:22,148
And I will move on!
385
00:15:22,150 --> 00:15:23,366
Ah, who am I kidding?
386
00:15:23,368 --> 00:15:25,952
Just call me back!
I'm making a fool of myself!
387
00:15:27,788 --> 00:15:31,023
Carlton, it is 11:05 in the p.m.
388
00:15:31,025 --> 00:15:34,043
Why aren't you in bed
diddling yourself?
389
00:15:35,829 --> 00:15:38,181
Just go back to sleep, Grandma.
I got this under control.
390
00:15:38,183 --> 00:15:40,299
How am I supposed to sleep
with you down here
391
00:15:40,301 --> 00:15:43,970
wailing like a little girl
sitting on a bumblebee?
392
00:15:43,972 --> 00:15:47,173
Why can't you be deaf
like other old ladies?
393
00:15:47,175 --> 00:15:50,793
Carlton, the woman
is clearly trying
394
00:15:50,795 --> 00:15:52,545
to put a little space
between you.
395
00:15:52,547 --> 00:15:55,982
And the more you push it, the
more you're gonna push her away.
396
00:15:55,984 --> 00:15:58,484
Yeah, but if I don't push it,
I might lose her, Grandma.
397
00:15:58,486 --> 00:16:01,988
It's clear the woman is
trying to let you down easy.
398
00:16:01,990 --> 00:16:03,105
Oh, I see,
just because
399
00:16:03,107 --> 00:16:04,574
she didn't return a
few phone calls...
400
00:16:04,576 --> 00:16:05,724
Fifteen!
401
00:16:05,726 --> 00:16:07,527
And that's just since
you walked in the house.
402
00:16:07,529 --> 00:16:09,895
Plus, five on the porch
and two in your car.
403
00:16:09,897 --> 00:16:12,064
I wish I was deaf!
404
00:16:14,368 --> 00:16:16,735
You know what, I'm going
to her place right now
405
00:16:16,737 --> 00:16:17,753
and prove you wrong.
406
00:16:17,755 --> 00:16:19,957
- Because you are wrong, Grandma.
- Uh-huh.
407
00:16:19,958 --> 00:16:21,624
Just like the time
when you were five
408
00:16:21,626 --> 00:16:25,144
and said you could stop the
electric fan with your tongue.
409
00:16:25,146 --> 00:16:27,964
And I would've done it, too,
if you hadn't have stopped me!
410
00:16:27,966 --> 00:16:29,348
If I hadn't stopped you,
411
00:16:29,350 --> 00:16:31,217
we wouldn't be having
this conversation,
412
00:16:31,219 --> 00:16:33,085
because one of us
wouldn't have a tongue
413
00:16:33,087 --> 00:16:36,105
and the other one
would be in the bed asleep!
414
00:16:41,428 --> 00:16:43,112
(knocks)
415
00:16:43,114 --> 00:16:45,898
It's fine,
everything's gonna be fine.
416
00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:49,619
Carl, what are
you doing here?
417
00:16:49,621 --> 00:16:51,404
I just wanted to
make sure you're okay.
418
00:16:51,406 --> 00:16:52,771
Left you
a couple of messages.
419
00:16:52,773 --> 00:16:54,440
I know.
420
00:16:54,442 --> 00:16:57,593
I haven't had time to
listen to them all.
421
00:16:57,595 --> 00:16:59,462
Oh, so you did get them.
422
00:16:59,464 --> 00:17:01,614
Good. I was worried
your cell phone got stolen.
423
00:17:01,616 --> 00:17:02,965
This neighborhood
is kind of sketchy.
424
00:17:02,967 --> 00:17:04,967
That's why you might have
seen a patrol car
425
00:17:04,969 --> 00:17:07,253
circling your block earlier.
426
00:17:07,255 --> 00:17:11,290
Carl, I want to talk to you,
but now is not the right time.
427
00:17:11,292 --> 00:17:13,392
Look, I just need to know
what's going on.
428
00:17:13,394 --> 00:17:15,794
I honestly don't
know right now.
429
00:17:15,796 --> 00:17:18,797
Everything okay?
430
00:17:18,799 --> 00:17:20,600
Oh, hey, Carl.
431
00:17:20,602 --> 00:17:23,486
Hey.
432
00:17:23,488 --> 00:17:26,939
James, can you
give us a minute?
433
00:17:26,941 --> 00:17:28,641
Sure.
434
00:17:30,477 --> 00:17:31,744
Carl, I'm sorry.
435
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,412
I didn't mean
to hurt you.
436
00:17:33,414 --> 00:17:35,531
No, take a lot more
than that to hurt me.
437
00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:38,751
I had a woman try to run me over
with a school bus.
438
00:17:38,753 --> 00:17:41,987
I just... I just need
to see this through
439
00:17:41,989 --> 00:17:43,989
for myself and
for my son.
440
00:17:43,991 --> 00:17:46,175
No, it's better that it happened
now than after we get married,
441
00:17:46,177 --> 00:17:48,327
then I got to give you
half my crap.
442
00:17:48,329 --> 00:17:51,547
I still care about
you very much, Carl.
443
00:17:54,101 --> 00:17:56,352
I don't believe you.
444
00:18:08,904 --> 00:18:11,739
You know what, man,
I'm better off.
445
00:18:11,741 --> 00:18:14,125
That relationship had an
expiration date on it anyway.
446
00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:15,526
What are you talking about?
447
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:16,744
You loved Christina.
448
00:18:16,746 --> 00:18:18,496
Mike.
449
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:20,297
I've loved a
lot of women.
450
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,500
Man like me can't limit
himself to just one.
451
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,585
It's like you
and corndogs.
452
00:18:24,587 --> 00:18:26,587
Or cupcakes.
Or Fritos.
453
00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:27,972
I get it.
454
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:30,141
And I'm not ready to be
anybody's daddy, either.
455
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,176
That woman had a lot of baggage,
and frankly,
456
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:34,261
my arms were getting
pretty tired of carrying it.
457
00:18:34,263 --> 00:18:36,063
Well, you seem to be okay
with all of this,
458
00:18:36,065 --> 00:18:37,348
so I guess I'm happy for you.
459
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,383
Jealous is what you're gonna be,
because this dawg
460
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:42,153
has been released from his cage
and is back on the prowl!
461
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,388
But don't worry, I'm gonna
share my tales of glory
462
00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:46,390
with all you boys
still in the kennel.
463
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:47,692
Just the headlines though.
464
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:50,611
I don't need to see
or smell anything.
465
00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:52,113
Noted.
466
00:18:52,115 --> 00:18:54,765
There's only one thing I can't
quite wrap my head around.
467
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,033
What's that?
468
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,877
(sobbing): Why
couldn't she love me?!
469
00:18:57,878 --> 00:18:59,704
Okay, take it easy.
470
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,036
(sobbing): Why
couldn't she love me?
471
00:19:01,037 --> 00:19:02,920
Pull the car over.
Pull the car over.
472
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:06,376
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/