1
00:00:24,933 --> 00:00:28,336
CHAD: They said Mr. Ludd lived in his car.
2
00:00:28,370 --> 00:00:31,573
And shaving in the front seat
only made the rumors worse.
3
00:00:31,607 --> 00:00:33,775
He knew we were watching,
but he didn't care.
4
00:00:33,809 --> 00:00:35,743
Ludd just right along with his business.
5
00:00:35,778 --> 00:00:37,579
You had to respect that.
6
00:00:37,613 --> 00:00:39,981
(sighs) He definitely lives in it.
7
00:00:40,015 --> 00:00:41,849
I believe that's that man's home.
8
00:00:41,884 --> 00:00:44,018
Hmm... maybe he just uses it to groom in.
9
00:00:44,053 --> 00:00:46,320
(school bell rings)
10
00:00:50,058 --> 00:00:51,992
Come on, man, Ludd's gonna mark us tardy.
11
00:00:52,026 --> 00:00:54,461
(scoffs) The guy has a
jar of pickles on his dash.
12
00:00:54,495 --> 00:00:56,830
He can't do anything... watch.
13
00:01:00,968 --> 00:01:04,170
Hey, come on... that's morning
detention for you clowns.
14
00:01:04,204 --> 00:01:06,472
Mop this up and then you
have mice cages to clean.
15
00:01:10,144 --> 00:01:12,378
I'd never been in detention.
16
00:01:12,413 --> 00:01:15,881
Ever... it just wasn't in my nature.
17
00:01:15,916 --> 00:01:19,051
But Chris, he made himself at home.
18
00:01:19,086 --> 00:01:21,053
It was like he was hanging
out in his living room.
19
00:01:21,087 --> 00:01:23,856
Care for a lamprey cocktail, Mr. Stevens?
20
00:01:23,890 --> 00:01:26,692
Shaken, not stirred... as you like it.
21
00:01:26,726 --> 00:01:29,195
My dad's gonna lose it when
he finds out I'm in here.
22
00:01:29,229 --> 00:01:30,196
(laughter nearby)
23
00:01:30,230 --> 00:01:31,797
Tick-tock.
24
00:01:31,831 --> 00:01:33,799
Tick-tock.
25
00:01:33,834 --> 00:01:36,469
Any last mouse words before you get ate?
26
00:01:36,503 --> 00:01:38,838
Shouldn't there be, like,
different levels of detention?
27
00:01:38,873 --> 00:01:40,840
High security versus low security?
28
00:01:40,875 --> 00:01:43,376
We're practically white-collar
criminals and here we are
29
00:01:43,410 --> 00:01:46,513
side by side with two
tons of Charles Manson.
30
00:01:46,547 --> 00:01:47,848
(squeaking)
31
00:01:47,882 --> 00:01:49,416
Oh, my God, yes!
32
00:01:49,450 --> 00:01:51,051
- That's amazing.
- Nice one, boss.
33
00:01:51,086 --> 00:01:52,419
Touchdown.
34
00:01:52,453 --> 00:01:55,722
Shh... Troy and Dean enough, come on!
35
00:01:55,757 --> 00:01:58,025
Whoa, nice. Good job, boss.
36
00:01:58,059 --> 00:02:00,493
Damn cookie-faced Chips-a-Troy.
37
00:02:00,528 --> 00:02:02,829
He's so lame I can't even look at him.
38
00:02:02,864 --> 00:02:04,998
What are you two queens
talking about... me?
39
00:02:05,032 --> 00:02:07,500
Hey, you know, Troy,
for such a popular guy,
40
00:02:07,535 --> 00:02:10,269
you sure do seem to have quite
a "chip" on your shoulder.
41
00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:11,170
(fuming)
42
00:02:11,204 --> 00:02:12,771
A big fat, juicy
43
00:02:12,805 --> 00:02:14,239
choc-o-late chip.
44
00:02:14,274 --> 00:02:15,774
You're dead.
45
00:02:15,809 --> 00:02:18,243
(school bell rings)
46
00:02:18,278 --> 00:02:20,946
(students chanting indistinctly)
47
00:02:25,418 --> 00:02:27,052
(whistle blows)
48
00:02:31,156 --> 00:02:34,225
Chris Novak, wait for my signal.
49
00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:35,927
(grunts) Mm-hmm.
50
00:02:38,931 --> 00:02:41,566
Aw, so high.
51
00:02:41,601 --> 00:02:42,701
(grunting)
52
00:02:42,735 --> 00:02:44,536
Students, students.
53
00:02:44,570 --> 00:02:47,806
Listen to Principal Dild,
please. Quiet down now.
54
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,442
Aw, man, I'm already bored. (clears throat)
55
00:02:50,477 --> 00:02:53,145
That's enough of your vinegary
voice for today, Dild Pickle.
56
00:02:53,179 --> 00:02:54,613
(laughter)
57
00:02:54,713 --> 00:02:57,649
I'll tell you when I'm finished, young man.
58
00:02:57,683 --> 00:03:00,184
I'm finished.
59
00:03:01,420 --> 00:03:03,655
Good afternoon, fellow students.
60
00:03:03,689 --> 00:03:05,857
As your class treasurer,
I've been pondering the...
61
00:03:05,891 --> 00:03:07,726
Sharla Lamoyne.
62
00:03:07,761 --> 00:03:10,229
The first time I saw her was
just the back of her head.
63
00:03:10,263 --> 00:03:12,631
I imagined a thousand faces.
64
00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:14,199
And when I actually saw it,
65
00:03:14,234 --> 00:03:16,869
it exceeded every expectation.
66
00:03:18,338 --> 00:03:19,638
Our world is on the brink
67
00:03:19,673 --> 00:03:23,642
of destruction... war, famine, genocide.
68
00:03:23,677 --> 00:03:26,912
I don't know about you, but I
want to do something about it.
69
00:03:26,947 --> 00:03:29,915
That's why next Saturday is
the "Give Peace a Dance" dance.
70
00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:31,917
Peace dance? Who's gonna chaperone?
71
00:03:31,952 --> 00:03:34,019
Gandhi and Mother Teresa? (laughter)
72
00:03:34,054 --> 00:03:36,789
Finally get some friction
going between those robes?
73
00:03:39,793 --> 00:03:40,860
Knock it off, man.
74
00:03:40,895 --> 00:03:41,861
Peace is important.
75
00:03:41,896 --> 00:03:43,363
Let her finish.
76
00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,999
Y'all say dance... I got a dance for you.
77
00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:47,234
The hilly dilly gabber-dabber.
78
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,736
Ah, huckety,
79
00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:51,537
hickety, huckety...
80
00:03:51,572 --> 00:03:52,839
Come on, man, sit down.
81
00:03:52,873 --> 00:03:55,941
Hookety, huckety, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
82
00:03:55,976 --> 00:03:58,376
(mock laughing)
83
00:04:01,114 --> 00:04:03,247
Aah!
84
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:05,950
Oh, God.
85
00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:08,585
Well, look who it is.
86
00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:10,454
Gravity's little bitch.
87
00:04:10,488 --> 00:04:14,090
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.
88
00:04:14,125 --> 00:04:16,560
Mommy? He wants his Mommy?
89
00:04:16,594 --> 00:04:19,362
(laughter)
90
00:04:19,397 --> 00:04:23,099
ALL (chanting): Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
91
00:04:23,134 --> 00:04:24,802
Behold, Chris,
92
00:04:24,836 --> 00:04:27,538
the apotheosis of high school mockery.
93
00:04:27,572 --> 00:04:29,473
Poor bastard.
94
00:04:34,181 --> 00:04:35,581
'Sup, Mommy?
95
00:04:35,615 --> 00:04:37,549
(plays trombone) (laughs)
96
00:04:37,583 --> 00:04:41,453
"Mommy"... geez, why'd I have
to say something so goddamn weak?
97
00:04:41,487 --> 00:04:43,722
I mean, seriously, what am I composed of?
98
00:04:43,756 --> 00:04:44,789
It was a gut reaction.
99
00:04:44,823 --> 00:04:46,324
You can't control your gut.
100
00:04:46,358 --> 00:04:49,460
Hey, let's go sign Mommy's cast.
101
00:04:49,494 --> 00:04:51,462
Aah, stop, get... get off!
102
00:04:51,496 --> 00:04:53,163
Aah, shoo, you sons of bitches.
103
00:04:53,198 --> 00:04:54,465
(laughter)
104
00:04:55,467 --> 00:04:57,301
Aw, Jesus.
105
00:04:57,335 --> 00:04:59,670
You got to get me some Wite-Out, pronto.
106
00:04:59,704 --> 00:05:00,771
I'll ask Sharla.
107
00:05:00,805 --> 00:05:02,173
Peace Dance Girl?
108
00:05:02,207 --> 00:05:05,109
Aw, whatever... just get me some.
109
00:05:06,378 --> 00:05:08,780
You came to volunteer for the dance!
110
00:05:08,814 --> 00:05:10,348
Well, yeah, for sure.
111
00:05:10,382 --> 00:05:12,784
- What is your skill set?
- As of late, you know,
112
00:05:12,818 --> 00:05:15,854
I've been rapping a good
deal, making rhymes, beats...
113
00:05:15,889 --> 00:05:17,956
- How about decorations?
- Okay, sure.
114
00:05:17,991 --> 00:05:20,092
You can come by my house
tomorrow after school.
115
00:05:20,127 --> 00:05:23,129
- I'm at 647...
- Oh, I know where you live.
116
00:05:23,163 --> 00:05:24,431
(whistles)
117
00:05:24,465 --> 00:05:26,600
So, Sharla, you got any Wite-Out?
118
00:05:26,634 --> 00:05:28,736
Uh, nope. Sorry.
119
00:05:33,175 --> 00:05:35,376
Varnish'll do it... hit me.
120
00:05:35,411 --> 00:05:37,278
Hold your breath.
121
00:05:37,312 --> 00:05:38,179
No way.
122
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,648
(breathing deeply)
123
00:05:44,352 --> 00:05:45,453
Chris?
124
00:05:45,487 --> 00:05:46,721
(deeper voice): Chris?
125
00:05:46,755 --> 00:05:48,022
Chris, honey?
126
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,623
Chris?
127
00:05:49,658 --> 00:05:51,958
(mumbles)
128
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,218
More peas, sweetie?
129
00:05:53,252 --> 00:05:55,520
Well, this dinner is ruined for me.
130
00:05:55,554 --> 00:05:57,321
I'm a sensual man.
131
00:05:57,356 --> 00:06:00,324
I live for that subtle interplay
of black pepper and allspice.
132
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:01,492
But tonight I'm eating
133
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:03,995
goddamn Chris cast for dinner.
134
00:06:04,029 --> 00:06:06,097
That smell... that's all I taste.
135
00:06:06,131 --> 00:06:09,534
Huggin', serpent-eyed,
no-soul son of a bitch.
136
00:06:09,568 --> 00:06:11,369
- What'd you say?
- You know, Chris,
137
00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:13,371
shouting out "Mommy" the way you did,
138
00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:15,373
I think it's sweet.
139
00:06:15,407 --> 00:06:17,208
Well, I'm glad at least somebody can eek
140
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:18,710
a little joy from my pain.
141
00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:20,411
Shame for love?
142
00:06:20,445 --> 00:06:22,513
Why so afraid to throw roses?
143
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:25,015
In my country, you honor the woman.
144
00:06:25,050 --> 00:06:27,951
Here, you're in Man Land...
land of the closed-off mind.
145
00:06:27,986 --> 00:06:31,889
And now in their eyes,
you're a mama's boy, forever.
146
00:06:31,923 --> 00:06:34,892
Most of Terry's ramblings
were just static to us,
147
00:06:34,926 --> 00:06:37,362
but I could tell that
once he said "mama's boy,"
148
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:39,330
he had Chris's full attention.
149
00:06:40,836 --> 00:06:42,437
(sighs) So, how am I gonna get
150
00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:44,739
this Mommy stink off me
and get a new nickname?
151
00:06:44,773 --> 00:06:45,874
You could learn auction talk.
152
00:06:45,908 --> 00:06:46,908
I'll start calling you Jibbers.
153
00:06:46,942 --> 00:06:47,909
It'll stick.
154
00:06:47,943 --> 00:06:49,243
You know what I'll do?
155
00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:50,712
I'll get some of that movie gel
156
00:06:50,746 --> 00:06:52,147
and light myself on fire.
157
00:06:52,181 --> 00:06:53,815
They'll call me Kid Torch.
158
00:06:53,849 --> 00:06:55,550
King Kid Inferno.
159
00:06:55,584 --> 00:06:57,151
Lucifer Supreme.
160
00:06:57,186 --> 00:07:00,388
(coughs) No, see, you have
to think more like a moron.
161
00:07:00,422 --> 00:07:02,290
They'll just start calling you Flamer.
162
00:07:02,324 --> 00:07:04,459
Hell, yeah... The Flamer.
163
00:07:04,493 --> 00:07:06,194
Perfect. (knock on door)
164
00:07:07,596 --> 00:07:09,130
Permission to enter.
165
00:07:09,164 --> 00:07:10,364
You got the toll?
166
00:07:11,667 --> 00:07:14,468
(timer ticking)
167
00:07:14,503 --> 00:07:15,836
Okay, Chris.
168
00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:17,338
So, when you said the
snake squeezes the mouse
169
00:07:17,372 --> 00:07:19,307
until its eyes pop out, are you saying that
170
00:07:19,341 --> 00:07:22,176
they actually pop out and
dangle by the gut strings?
171
00:07:22,211 --> 00:07:24,145
Ah, it's more of a bulging than a pop.
172
00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:26,515
Either way, it's pretty damn spectacular.
173
00:07:26,549 --> 00:07:27,916
Whoa. (bell dings)
174
00:07:27,951 --> 00:07:29,285
Time's up, little one.
175
00:07:29,319 --> 00:07:31,354
Chad, please. Please, Chad.
176
00:07:31,388 --> 00:07:33,189
Please sneak me in. The snake, I got...
177
00:07:33,224 --> 00:07:34,758
Dude, you're not gonna go from Mommy
178
00:07:34,792 --> 00:07:36,192
to badass in a single bound.
179
00:07:36,227 --> 00:07:37,460
We should focus on getting you
180
00:07:37,495 --> 00:07:38,928
a more bearable nickname.
181
00:07:38,963 --> 00:07:41,297
Maybe, I'll just break my other leg.
182
00:07:41,332 --> 00:07:43,933
And my arm. It'll be pandemonium.
183
00:07:43,968 --> 00:07:45,802
Pandy for short... hell, yeah.
184
00:07:45,836 --> 00:07:47,136
Pandy.
185
00:07:47,171 --> 00:07:48,604
Well, I have to go help my...
186
00:07:48,639 --> 00:07:50,706
dad move some furniture over at his office.
187
00:07:50,741 --> 00:07:52,608
You sure are gussied up for it.
188
00:07:52,643 --> 00:07:54,143
Yeah, he's got a dress code.
189
00:07:54,177 --> 00:07:55,344
Don't worry about it.
190
00:07:55,378 --> 00:07:56,845
You can stay and play if you want.
191
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,313
But don't let Jay in.
192
00:07:58,348 --> 00:07:59,882
I don't want him getting used to freebies.
193
00:07:59,916 --> 00:08:00,883
Affirmative.
194
00:08:02,485 --> 00:08:04,520
'Sup, Pandemonium?
195
00:08:04,554 --> 00:08:06,688
Hey, Pandy, check out my dirt bike.
196
00:08:06,723 --> 00:08:09,625
Oh, my God, Pandy's popping a wheelie!
197
00:08:09,659 --> 00:08:11,560
Look, he's on fire.
198
00:08:11,594 --> 00:08:13,395
(doorbell rings)
199
00:08:13,429 --> 00:08:14,729
(gulps)
200
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,233
This dance is my life's work thus far.
201
00:08:18,268 --> 00:08:20,335
I even got in a fight with
Sarah over the peace theme,
202
00:08:20,370 --> 00:08:22,238
ironically, but finally I won.
203
00:08:22,272 --> 00:08:24,674
We've been best friends since
preschool and we rarely argue.
204
00:08:24,708 --> 00:08:26,176
Do you and Chris fight much?
205
00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:28,245
Oh, you know, your standard bickering.
206
00:08:28,279 --> 00:08:29,746
He seems kind of like a handful.
207
00:08:29,781 --> 00:08:32,082
He's kind of mean and so immature.
208
00:08:32,116 --> 00:08:33,517
What makes you say that?
209
00:08:33,551 --> 00:08:35,552
Well, the stuff he was
shouting at me, for one.
210
00:08:35,587 --> 00:08:37,655
That's just what Chris does at assemblies.
211
00:08:37,689 --> 00:08:38,856
It wasn't anything personal.
212
00:08:38,890 --> 00:08:40,324
It felt personal.
213
00:08:40,358 --> 00:08:42,259
That's because he's good at what he does.
214
00:08:42,294 --> 00:08:44,262
- Hey, check it out.
- What's that?
215
00:08:44,296 --> 00:08:45,663
A peace-wad.
216
00:08:45,698 --> 00:08:47,232
(giggles) I like it.
217
00:08:50,537 --> 00:08:51,904
Okay, you sure about this?
218
00:08:51,938 --> 00:08:53,272
Christ, man, anything's better
219
00:08:53,306 --> 00:08:55,074
than a weak, womanly Mommy.
220
00:08:55,108 --> 00:08:59,512
All right, Operation Less
Pathetic Nickname commence.
221
00:08:59,546 --> 00:09:00,913
Time for this dynamo
222
00:09:00,948 --> 00:09:04,084
to manipulate the masses
with his wit and style.
223
00:09:04,118 --> 00:09:05,986
(grunting)
224
00:09:08,623 --> 00:09:11,224
Can you help me with my cumberbund?
225
00:09:13,795 --> 00:09:15,729
Hey, check out Chris.
226
00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:17,197
What an impeccable chap.
227
00:09:17,231 --> 00:09:19,199
Good morrow to all.
228
00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:22,202
Look at me... I'm much too
creative and free-spirited
229
00:09:22,236 --> 00:09:24,604
to be tied down by the
conventions of society.
230
00:09:24,639 --> 00:09:26,807
Top of the tip of the morning to you, sir.
231
00:09:26,841 --> 00:09:28,208
(high voice): Let's call him Professor.
232
00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:30,611
Professor, Professor, Professor.
233
00:09:30,645 --> 00:09:31,779
(deep voice): Professor it is.
234
00:09:31,813 --> 00:09:32,746
Professor!
235
00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:34,481
- Professor, Prof...
- Aah!
236
00:09:34,516 --> 00:09:37,451
Did Mommy dress Mommy wrong this morning?
237
00:09:37,485 --> 00:09:38,953
We can fix that.
238
00:09:38,987 --> 00:09:40,822
There you go, Mommy.
239
00:09:40,856 --> 00:09:41,622
Thanks.
240
00:09:41,657 --> 00:09:43,090
(groans)
241
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:46,260
(laughter)
242
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:49,096
(chanting): Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
243
00:09:49,131 --> 00:09:50,598
Let's call him Bow Tie.
244
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,066
Uh, Cumberbund Neck...
245
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:53,969
Pandemonium? Pandy?
246
00:09:54,003 --> 00:09:55,337
Pandy? Pandy?
247
00:09:55,371 --> 00:09:57,238
(sighs) That's it.
248
00:09:57,273 --> 00:09:59,073
I'm Mommy forever.
249
00:09:59,108 --> 00:10:01,342
No, we can still crack this nut, man.
250
00:10:01,377 --> 00:10:04,512
What's the one thing
dumbasses of today respond to?
251
00:10:04,547 --> 00:10:06,614
- A jolt.
- You're right.
252
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:08,149
Shock value.
253
00:10:08,184 --> 00:10:10,418
I'll tear my goddamn face off.
254
00:10:10,452 --> 00:10:13,521
Call me Gristle; let them
live with that in the halls.
255
00:10:13,555 --> 00:10:16,357
Hey, guys, what are you doing?
256
00:10:16,391 --> 00:10:17,691
Going to see more snakes eat more mice?
257
00:10:17,726 --> 00:10:19,493
Can I come? Can I watch?
258
00:10:19,528 --> 00:10:21,929
You are one obsessed
little ghoul, aren't you?
259
00:10:21,964 --> 00:10:24,966
It's just, I can't imagine
seeing anything cooler
260
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,001
than that in my entire life.
261
00:10:27,036 --> 00:10:29,103
That's it. I've got it.
262
00:10:29,138 --> 00:10:31,506
I'm gonna swallow a live mouse.
263
00:10:31,540 --> 00:10:34,375
And I'm gonna do it in
front of the whole school.
264
00:10:34,410 --> 00:10:36,644
Whoa. Yeah, that'll do it.
265
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,414
At the "Give Peace a Dance" dance.
266
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:42,531
That's right.
267
00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:43,718
You didn't mishear.
268
00:10:43,752 --> 00:10:46,321
I'm gonna be swallowing a real, living,
269
00:10:46,356 --> 00:10:49,491
breathing mouse with fur and eyes
270
00:10:49,526 --> 00:10:52,227
and teeth and claws, with tiny lungs
271
00:10:52,262 --> 00:10:55,297
and tiny kidneys and a tiny little heart
272
00:10:55,331 --> 00:10:57,466
beating bright red blood.
273
00:10:57,500 --> 00:11:00,402
And I'll do it this Saturday,
9:00 p.m. on the dot,
274
00:11:00,436 --> 00:11:02,604
at the "Give Peace a Dance" dance.
275
00:11:02,639 --> 00:11:04,307
- Whoa!
- No way!
276
00:11:04,341 --> 00:11:05,341
(excited murmuring)
277
00:11:05,375 --> 00:11:06,775
Corey Speewell's coming!
278
00:11:12,316 --> 00:11:14,017
(chuckles) Hey, Corey.
279
00:11:14,051 --> 00:11:16,119
(sniffs)
280
00:11:17,621 --> 00:11:19,289
He don't got it.
281
00:11:19,323 --> 00:11:21,157
I can see it in his eyes.
282
00:11:21,192 --> 00:11:23,660
Five-to-one odds he don't do it.
283
00:11:23,694 --> 00:11:25,529
All right, guys, make your money talk.
284
00:11:25,563 --> 00:11:28,032
(crowd murmuring)
285
00:11:30,368 --> 00:11:33,771
Did you hear Chris is gonna
eat a mouse at my dance?
286
00:11:33,805 --> 00:11:35,105
Who? My Chris?
287
00:11:35,140 --> 00:11:36,340
Chris Novak?
288
00:11:36,374 --> 00:11:38,342
This will ruin everything I worked for.
289
00:11:38,377 --> 00:11:40,544
I'm trying to put good
energy out into the world,
290
00:11:40,579 --> 00:11:42,346
and Chris is gonna make it all negative.
291
00:11:42,381 --> 00:11:43,981
You want me to talk to him?
292
00:11:44,016 --> 00:11:45,282
Would you?
293
00:11:45,317 --> 00:11:47,151
I mean, he's his own man, but...
294
00:11:47,185 --> 00:11:49,153
Oh! Oh, thank you, Chad.
295
00:11:49,187 --> 00:11:51,355
You are the greatest.
296
00:11:51,389 --> 00:11:52,689
Don't forget, you're helping me
297
00:11:52,724 --> 00:11:54,858
decorate the cafeteria after school.
298
00:11:54,892 --> 00:11:56,026
Bye, Chad.
299
00:11:58,564 --> 00:12:01,532
Yo, Chad-o!
300
00:12:01,566 --> 00:12:02,833
(panting) Listen up.
301
00:12:02,867 --> 00:12:04,702
All right, man, here's the plan.
302
00:12:04,736 --> 00:12:07,304
You cause a distraction while
I snatch a mouse from Fin's lab.
303
00:12:07,338 --> 00:12:08,972
I got some stink and smoke bombs.
304
00:12:09,006 --> 00:12:11,974
At exactly 3:45, you light the smoke bombs
305
00:12:12,008 --> 00:12:14,276
- right outside his window.
- What are the stink bombs for?
306
00:12:14,311 --> 00:12:16,145
You can throw those at
his face when he comes out.
307
00:12:16,179 --> 00:12:18,013
- Why?
- That's just how I envisioned it.
308
00:12:18,048 --> 00:12:20,116
A little pier de resistance.
309
00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:22,518
Chris, you know, there might be
310
00:12:22,553 --> 00:12:24,888
a better place than the
dance to pull your stunt.
311
00:12:24,922 --> 00:12:26,289
Are you kidding?
312
00:12:26,323 --> 00:12:27,657
Everyone's gonna be all adrenalized
313
00:12:27,691 --> 00:12:29,292
from pawing at each other's hips.
314
00:12:29,326 --> 00:12:31,628
Then I cap that natural
high with a little carnage,
315
00:12:31,662 --> 00:12:33,296
and it's bye-bye, Mommy.
316
00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:35,298
Trust me, the dance is the place.
317
00:12:35,332 --> 00:12:38,401
See you at 3:45.
318
00:12:40,037 --> 00:12:41,470
(sighs)
319
00:12:41,505 --> 00:12:42,972
(stapler clicking)
320
00:12:43,006 --> 00:12:44,139
(chuckles)
321
00:12:44,174 --> 00:12:45,808
Um, I think it's secured, Chad.
322
00:12:45,842 --> 00:12:46,809
Oh, yeah.
323
00:12:46,843 --> 00:12:47,877
(chuckles)
324
00:12:48,946 --> 00:12:50,813
Uh, I got to get going right now.
325
00:12:50,847 --> 00:12:52,548
Oh, no. Really?
326
00:12:52,582 --> 00:12:55,351
We were about to sneak into the
freezer and have some hot cocoa.
327
00:12:55,385 --> 00:12:58,554
And Sarah knows how to get
into the snack cakes, so...
328
00:12:58,589 --> 00:12:59,555
I know. It's just...
329
00:12:59,590 --> 00:13:01,557
Come on, what's the rush?
330
00:13:04,694 --> 00:13:07,563
(sighs) As I've explained
several times already,
331
00:13:07,597 --> 00:13:11,500
the mitochondria is the
powerhouse of the cell.
332
00:13:11,534 --> 00:13:13,101
Understand now?
333
00:13:13,135 --> 00:13:15,070
I don't. I don't get it.
334
00:13:16,205 --> 00:13:17,539
(squeaking)
335
00:13:17,573 --> 00:13:18,540
(sighs)
336
00:13:18,574 --> 00:13:20,276
You know, Chris,
337
00:13:20,310 --> 00:13:22,911
I don't know, maybe you're
more of a world history guy.
338
00:13:22,946 --> 00:13:24,579
And that's okay.
339
00:13:24,614 --> 00:13:27,215
I say embrace your strengths
and let's call it a day.
340
00:13:35,992 --> 00:13:37,892
So, did you talk to Chris?
341
00:13:37,927 --> 00:13:40,095
- Yes. Yes, I did.
- And?
342
00:13:40,129 --> 00:13:42,798
And, well, I think you'll be
satisfied with the results.
343
00:13:42,832 --> 00:13:44,599
Cool.
344
00:13:44,633 --> 00:13:48,103
There's something so nice
about the texture of a snowball.
345
00:13:48,138 --> 00:13:50,238
It's oh-so organic.
346
00:13:50,273 --> 00:13:52,040
Fleshy even.
347
00:13:52,075 --> 00:13:55,811
Oh, how I adore thee,
yon tender breast flesh.
348
00:13:55,846 --> 00:13:57,246
(laughter)
349
00:13:59,750 --> 00:14:03,253
Look, I'm eating a turd.
350
00:14:03,287 --> 00:14:06,489
(singsong): Nobody's laughing.
351
00:14:08,792 --> 00:14:09,958
(taps glass)
352
00:14:15,866 --> 00:14:18,668
Get your mouse.
353
00:14:18,702 --> 00:14:21,671
And get yourself a nice, big juicy one.
354
00:14:21,706 --> 00:14:24,808
A spectacular mouse for the spectacle.
355
00:14:24,843 --> 00:14:26,944
Shut up.
356
00:14:27,980 --> 00:14:28,946
(laughter)
357
00:14:28,981 --> 00:14:30,814
(shivers): Brr!
358
00:14:30,849 --> 00:14:32,816
Talk about a chilling experience.
359
00:14:32,850 --> 00:14:34,518
(laughs)
360
00:14:34,552 --> 00:14:37,822
(laughter)
361
00:14:37,856 --> 00:14:40,157
Thanks for leaving me hanging, man.
362
00:14:40,191 --> 00:14:42,025
What's this, the mayonnaise fan club?
363
00:14:42,060 --> 00:14:43,693
This is just some friends.
364
00:14:43,728 --> 00:14:46,129
Friends? These people
don't have friends, Chad.
365
00:14:46,163 --> 00:14:47,430
They have cronies.
366
00:14:47,464 --> 00:14:49,031
Calm down, man.
367
00:14:49,066 --> 00:14:50,966
Why are you so afraid to
branch out a little bit?
368
00:14:51,001 --> 00:14:52,334
Branch out?
369
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:53,936
That's what you call ditching me?
370
00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:55,971
What are you, some swaying
majestic social tree?
371
00:14:56,006 --> 00:14:57,440
What if I am, huh?
372
00:14:57,474 --> 00:14:59,275
Then I hope you meet a social Paul Bunyan.
373
00:14:59,309 --> 00:15:01,010
Look, Chad, I got it loose.
374
00:15:01,044 --> 00:15:04,280
(gasps) You've got a
crush on peace-dance girl.
375
00:15:04,314 --> 00:15:05,648
- No, I don't.
- You don't?
376
00:15:05,682 --> 00:15:07,150
Wait, do you want me to?
377
00:15:07,184 --> 00:15:08,818
Oh, God, look at this!
378
00:15:08,852 --> 00:15:10,686
Sweet Valley High.
379
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,622
Why don't you go make some
s'mores by a romantic moon lake!
380
00:15:13,656 --> 00:15:16,225
Geez, Chris, what is your problem?
381
00:15:16,259 --> 00:15:17,626
What's my problem?!
382
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:19,695
You strung me out to dry for a woman.
383
00:15:19,729 --> 00:15:21,630
A round-faced,
circle-headed woman!
384
00:15:21,665 --> 00:15:23,465
(gasps) Circle-headed?
385
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,402
Just... just get out of here.
386
00:15:26,436 --> 00:15:27,503
Mommy.
387
00:15:27,537 --> 00:15:28,637
(gasps)
388
00:15:28,672 --> 00:15:30,873
(chanting): Mommy! Mommy!
389
00:15:30,907 --> 00:15:32,241
(screams)
390
00:15:32,275 --> 00:15:37,046
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
391
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,447
(phone ringing)
392
00:15:40,117 --> 00:15:42,318
If it's Chris, I am not here.
393
00:15:42,352 --> 00:15:43,920
Hello.
394
00:15:43,954 --> 00:15:45,654
Oh, hi.
395
00:15:45,689 --> 00:15:47,556
(singsong): Chad, it's Sharla.
396
00:15:48,724 --> 00:15:50,025
Oh, damn it!
397
00:15:50,059 --> 00:15:51,560
Hello. Hey, Sharla.
398
00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:53,195
Yeah, no, I'm appalled by Chris
399
00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:54,764
and all he stands for, really.
400
00:15:54,798 --> 00:15:57,767
Yeah, I must be maturing.
401
00:15:57,802 --> 00:15:59,770
But, yeah, eat a mouse at a dance?
402
00:15:59,804 --> 00:16:01,272
Come on. Know what I mean?
403
00:16:01,306 --> 00:16:03,007
Eat a mouse?
404
00:16:03,041 --> 00:16:05,009
Rose, cancel bridge on Saturday night.
405
00:16:05,044 --> 00:16:06,644
We're chaperoning the dance.
406
00:16:08,481 --> 00:16:10,548
(mouse squeaking)
407
00:16:12,718 --> 00:16:14,385
I'll gobble you up right here and now
408
00:16:14,420 --> 00:16:16,420
if you don't quit with the squeaking!
409
00:16:18,457 --> 00:16:20,825
(microwave beeps)
410
00:16:31,803 --> 00:16:33,070
(stopwatch beeps)
411
00:16:33,105 --> 00:16:34,338
New record!
412
00:16:37,910 --> 00:16:40,378
You're nothing but a little morsel!
413
00:16:40,412 --> 00:16:42,213
I strip you of your name.
414
00:16:42,248 --> 00:16:45,083
No longer are you Cuddle K. Jones.
415
00:16:45,117 --> 00:16:46,618
And I disqualify you
416
00:16:46,652 --> 00:16:48,787
from the tunnel-tube
speed-trial championships.
417
00:16:48,821 --> 00:16:51,556
Roach McHafferty regains
his title by default.
418
00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:53,624
(clears throat): Ahem!
419
00:16:53,659 --> 00:16:55,393
What do you want?
420
00:16:55,428 --> 00:16:57,562
You know, Chris, I was thinking.
421
00:16:57,596 --> 00:16:59,163
If this goes well tonight,
422
00:16:59,198 --> 00:17:00,965
between your throat
423
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,569
and my showmanship, the future is ours.
424
00:17:04,604 --> 00:17:07,439
Give it up for the young
women's nude acrobatics team!
425
00:17:07,473 --> 00:17:10,976
And now the one and only
426
00:17:11,010 --> 00:17:14,113
Chris "The Creature
Eater" Novak will swallow
427
00:17:14,147 --> 00:17:16,682
the largest rodent known to man:
428
00:17:16,717 --> 00:17:20,653
the capybara!
429
00:17:20,688 --> 00:17:21,655
(crowd cheering)
430
00:17:21,689 --> 00:17:23,090
Unhinge me!
431
00:17:23,124 --> 00:17:24,892
(drill whirs)
432
00:17:26,661 --> 00:17:27,627
(crowd gasps)
433
00:17:27,662 --> 00:17:29,629
(chittering)
434
00:17:29,664 --> 00:17:30,964
You think I like this?
435
00:17:30,999 --> 00:17:32,632
I'm not doing this for fun.
436
00:17:32,667 --> 00:17:34,668
It's for high school survival.
437
00:17:34,702 --> 00:17:36,636
You're too young and pure to understand.
438
00:17:36,670 --> 00:17:38,271
Now get lost.
439
00:17:38,306 --> 00:17:40,307
(sighs)
440
00:17:46,547 --> 00:17:48,915
Remember, good choices out there, son.
441
00:17:52,353 --> 00:17:53,319
Hey, Terry.
442
00:17:53,353 --> 00:17:54,887
Fancy seeing you here.
443
00:17:54,922 --> 00:17:56,889
Fancy everywhere I go, man.
444
00:17:56,923 --> 00:17:58,491
These poor kids and their innocence.
445
00:17:58,525 --> 00:17:59,692
Look at that.
446
00:17:59,726 --> 00:18:02,461
Boys there, girls over there.
447
00:18:02,495 --> 00:18:04,563
You know, it's only a matter
of time before these forces
448
00:18:04,598 --> 00:18:06,799
come together to add more
players to the human tragedy.
449
00:18:06,833 --> 00:18:08,500
(scoffs)
450
00:18:08,535 --> 00:18:10,469
Terry hates Western mating rituals.
451
00:18:10,503 --> 00:18:12,071
Then why'd he come?
452
00:18:12,105 --> 00:18:14,273
It's part of his community service.
453
00:18:15,909 --> 00:18:17,576
(talking quietly)
454
00:18:17,610 --> 00:18:19,211
(sighs)
455
00:18:21,213 --> 00:18:22,213
(laughter)
456
00:18:23,415 --> 00:18:25,282
Well, if somebody...
457
00:18:26,952 --> 00:18:28,919
All right, place your
bets, place your bets.
458
00:18:28,954 --> 00:18:31,689
Will he or won't he eat a mouse?
459
00:18:34,092 --> 00:18:36,660
Hey, Terry, don't take this the wrong way,
460
00:18:36,694 --> 00:18:38,862
but you seem like you'd know a thing or two
461
00:18:38,896 --> 00:18:40,931
about the modern drug scene.
462
00:18:40,965 --> 00:18:42,266
Up or down?
463
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:43,868
No, nothing like that.
464
00:18:43,902 --> 00:18:46,337
I just, um... do you know
what "eating a mouse" means?
465
00:18:46,371 --> 00:18:47,838
What that's slang for?
466
00:18:47,873 --> 00:18:49,607
That's not slang man, that's real.
467
00:18:49,641 --> 00:18:51,943
Chris is going to eat a
mouse to show he's got soul.
468
00:18:51,977 --> 00:18:53,344
Chris, not Chad?
469
00:18:53,379 --> 00:18:54,779
Who's Chad?
470
00:18:54,813 --> 00:18:56,948
I'm not sure whether or not to be relieved.
471
00:18:56,982 --> 00:18:59,117
Just be Wayne, man.
472
00:18:59,151 --> 00:19:01,085
Don't define it.
473
00:19:04,657 --> 00:19:06,625
(door closes)
474
00:19:08,661 --> 00:19:10,896
So, she let you have a potty break?
475
00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:12,764
Excuse me, would you?
476
00:19:12,799 --> 00:19:14,600
I'm gonna go talk to a girl.
477
00:19:14,634 --> 00:19:15,968
You should try it sometime.
478
00:19:16,002 --> 00:19:17,236
Talk is cheap.
479
00:19:17,270 --> 00:19:18,604
I prefer to do them.
480
00:19:18,638 --> 00:19:20,038
Okay, Chris.
481
00:19:20,073 --> 00:19:21,540
You go ahead and do that.
482
00:19:21,574 --> 00:19:22,975
I'm out of here.
483
00:19:23,009 --> 00:19:24,343
Wait.
484
00:19:25,679 --> 00:19:27,279
I can't dot, Chad.
485
00:19:27,314 --> 00:19:30,383
This little guy has personality,
charm, charisma even.
486
00:19:30,417 --> 00:19:31,984
I can't eat him.
487
00:19:32,019 --> 00:19:33,486
What do you want me to do about it?
488
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,087
- Help me.
- Help you?
489
00:19:35,122 --> 00:19:37,123
Ever since I met you,
I've been helping you.
490
00:19:37,157 --> 00:19:38,791
You know how many you owe me by now?
491
00:19:38,825 --> 00:19:40,625
I didn't know we were keeping track.
492
00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:42,828
I can't help it that you never need help.
493
00:19:42,862 --> 00:19:46,164
Slave or free man, I'd still kill for you.
494
00:19:46,199 --> 00:19:47,733
Don't you know that?
495
00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:50,769
You're on your own this time, dude.
496
00:19:55,174 --> 00:19:57,174
(squeaking)
497
00:19:59,878 --> 00:20:02,012
Would you like dancing?
498
00:20:02,046 --> 00:20:03,513
Would you like to dance?
499
00:20:03,548 --> 00:20:05,549
(giggles) Okay.
500
00:20:10,722 --> 00:20:12,690
It's time, Novak.
501
00:20:12,724 --> 00:20:14,191
(blows note)
502
00:20:18,396 --> 00:20:19,930
Next dance, okay?
503
00:20:19,964 --> 00:20:21,598
Sorry. Next dance.
504
00:20:21,633 --> 00:20:23,767
CROWD (chanting): Mommy! Mommy!
505
00:20:23,801 --> 00:20:26,869
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
506
00:20:26,904 --> 00:20:28,071
(chanting continues faintly)
507
00:20:33,042 --> 00:20:36,712
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
508
00:20:36,746 --> 00:20:38,147
(laughter, cheering)
509
00:20:38,181 --> 00:20:40,949
Friends, when I said I could eat a mouse,
510
00:20:40,983 --> 00:20:43,652
well, I really thought I could eat a mouse.
511
00:20:43,686 --> 00:20:46,655
But now, due to emotional circumstances
512
00:20:46,690 --> 00:20:48,224
completely out of my control...
513
00:20:48,258 --> 00:20:49,859
Wait, wait, wait! I found him! I found him!
514
00:20:49,893 --> 00:20:51,560
What?
515
00:20:51,595 --> 00:20:53,863
I found your mouse.
516
00:20:57,234 --> 00:21:01,503
Now, thanks to Chad here, I
will be eating a mouse after all.
517
00:21:01,537 --> 00:21:03,071
(crowd cheering)
518
00:21:03,105 --> 00:21:04,472
Yeah, eat it, dude!
519
00:21:04,507 --> 00:21:06,841
Stop! This is a peace dance!
520
00:21:06,875 --> 00:21:07,875
Peace!
521
00:21:09,612 --> 00:21:12,180
How can you not understand peace?!
522
00:21:12,214 --> 00:21:13,214
Peace... !
523
00:21:13,249 --> 00:21:14,549
(grunts)
524
00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:16,051
(crowd groans)
525
00:21:17,086 --> 00:21:18,653
Eh.
526
00:21:18,687 --> 00:21:20,855
Call me Jaws!
527
00:21:20,889 --> 00:21:22,690
Sir Mouth Terrible!
528
00:21:22,724 --> 00:21:24,592
Iron Tiger Tooth!
529
00:21:24,627 --> 00:21:25,727
Yeah!
530
00:21:25,761 --> 00:21:28,163
Mommy did it!
531
00:21:28,197 --> 00:21:31,566
(chanting): Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
532
00:21:31,601 --> 00:21:33,101
Yeah!
533
00:21:33,136 --> 00:21:34,836
Who's your Mommy now?!
534
00:21:34,871 --> 00:21:37,206
(chanting continues) Whoo! Yeah!
535
00:21:37,190 --> 00:21:38,790
CHAD: It ain't easy being Mommy.
536
00:21:38,825 --> 00:21:40,359
The truth is there's a fine line
537
00:21:40,393 --> 00:21:42,561
between social ostracism and adoration.
538
00:21:42,595 --> 00:21:44,596
A dodgy, delicate balance.
539
00:21:47,064 --> 00:21:48,331
Whoo! Way to go, Mommy!
540
00:21:48,365 --> 00:21:49,599
You made that mouse your bitch!
541
00:21:49,633 --> 00:21:50,767
Hard-core! Oh, yeah!
542
00:21:50,801 --> 00:21:52,168
Thank you.
543
00:21:52,203 --> 00:21:54,003
Thanks for ruining my dance, you guys.
544
00:21:54,038 --> 00:21:55,839
You call that mature, Chad?
545
00:21:55,873 --> 00:21:56,906
I'm mature.
546
00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:58,375
Thought you were different, Chad.
547
00:21:58,409 --> 00:21:59,843
Go eat a turd.
548
00:21:59,877 --> 00:22:01,378
Eat a turd, huh?
549
00:22:01,412 --> 00:22:03,280
Didn't know the girl
had that kind of spice.
550
00:22:03,314 --> 00:22:05,516
Nah, she's just talking
about this joke I made.
551
00:22:05,550 --> 00:22:07,385
I said a Chocodile looks like a turd.
552
00:22:07,419 --> 00:22:08,686
(laughs)
553
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,588
You're right, it does.
554
00:22:10,623 --> 00:22:12,691
You observant son of a bitch.
555
00:22:12,725 --> 00:22:14,726
That's too good.
556
00:22:15,329 --> 00:22:16,452
TROY: Hey, dicks!
557
00:22:16,753 --> 00:22:19,051
You think you're better than
me 'cause you ate a mouse?
558
00:22:19,055 --> 00:22:21,302
I'm gonna pound that
mouse out of your stomach.
559
00:22:21,303 --> 00:22:23,335
- Let's roll Pandy.
- We're gonna get ya!
560
00:22:25,247 --> 00:22:31,146
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